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Resume:- Trevor. a boy born in the slums of the East End of London, has been adopted by a Jew, Isaac, who fled from Austria in the 1930s. He did his National Service in the army, and was wounded in Korea. He has just done his first term at Cambridge.
Two Jubilees and One Spitfire.
Part 21. Complications
Isaac returned to Germany on Monday 4th January 1954. On the following Friday morning Trevor set off for his visit to Paul in Gloucestershire. He caught a mid morning train from Paddington and arrived in Gloucester in the early afternoon. Paul was there with the family car to meet him.
The village of Winchfield and its manor are situated in the north west corner of Gloucestershire, close to the border of Herefordshire. For the first part of the journey the two young men chatted freely, but as they got closer to Winchfield Trevor became quieter.
"What's the matter, Trev? You're very quiet."
"Just looking out of the car I realise how much your world is not my world. This is all deep country. Fields, hills, woods, cattle and sheep. I was born in the narrow streets of the slums of the East End of London, where one blade of grass finds it hard to grow. My Dad was a docker, before the war he had difficulty finding work. Your father is a Major General. A knight of the realm. Your family has lived down here for generations. Even in Leytonstone, it is still streets of houses. Each with its privet hedge, and a small garden or yard at the back."
"So what. You're a human being. My family haven't got three heads or eat the peasants for breakfast. We're not a different species. We're the same flesh and blood as you. You're English and so are we. You might be foolish enough to support Spurs at football and Essex at cricket, while I support Bristol and Gloucestershire. Think how boring it would be if we were all the same. Anyway we're just coming to Winchfield now. There's the Church."
Paul drove the car in through some imposing gates, and up a tree lined drive to an old stone house. "The house dates back to the first Elizabeth,
but in each century a Driffield has added to it, or altered it in some way. There is still a little of the Elizabethan left round the back." He stopped the car out side the main entrance. Three steps led up to the main door, that stood between two large pillars.
"Come on Trev, out you get. This can't be worse than taking that exam at Cambridge or Hill 226 in Korea."
"It might not be worse, it is just difficult in a different way."
Paul got Trevor's case out of the boot of the car, and led the way up to the front door. He opened it and led the way in. "Any one at home?" he called.
One of the doors off the large hall opened and a small jolly woman emerged, followed by a tall slim man, with a small bristling moustache.
"Trevor, let me introduce you to my folk. My mother... my father."
Paul's mother came up and shook Trevor's hand. "Welcome to Winchfield. It is good to meet you. Paul has told us so much about you.
Paul's father shook Trevor's hand, and looked him straight in the eye, "Any friend of Paul's is welcome here."
"Paul dear," said his mother, "Take Trevor up and show him his room, and then we will have some tea in the drawing room."
Ten minutes later Trevor was ushered into the drawing room. Its total area was much larger than the whole of the ground floor of 37 Chelmsford Road. There was a huge log fire blazing in the hearth.
"Come and sit down, get warm and make yourself at home."
Trevor suddenly felt welcome, and at home. They chatted about the journey from London, and about Cambridge.
"Paul is breaking with family tradition by going to Cambridge." said Paul's father. "Most of our ancestors went into the army. You may have noticed their portraits on the stairs and walls of the hall. All in their uniforms.
I went straight from Eton to Sandhurst, like most of the more recent Driffields. Paul feels called to enter the ministry of the Church of England. He'll be the first ordained Driffield. About time there was more sanctity and less slaughter in the family."
The short winter day drew to a close, and the light outside faded. The curtains were drawn, and more wood put on the fire.
"We'll eat at 7.00," said Paul's mother. "I've got to go and lend a hand in the kitchen. I don't know what you boys want to do?"
"Fancy a game of snooker, Trev?"
"I've never played."
"No time like the present to learn."
Paul led the way to the Billiard room. The room was filled with a full sized billiard, or snooker table. Paul explained the game. Paul managed a couple of breaks of twenty or thirty, Trevor reckoned it was a fluke when he potted a ball. Paul gave some helpful tips on how to play. And they chatted throughout the game.
Dinner was an informal meal, eaten in a cosy room. "We don't use the big dining room unless there more than eight people dining," explained Paul.
After they had eaten they retreated to the drawing room for coffee. Paul's father started talking to Trevor about Korea. When they got round to talking about the events on Hill 226, Trevor hesitated. "If I tell you what happened, I shall cry. It is still too recent, and I feel raw. I lost a good friend on that hill."
"Don't worry," said Paul's father. "I've lost too many pals in both wars. I always weep on Remembrance Day. Don't I, Bets? They insist I lay the wreath, I think they only want to see if I weep."
"I think it only goes to show he's human after all," said his wife.
Trevor told them all about the fighting in Korea, and that fateful night on Hill 226. He told them a great deal about his friendship with Eric.
"Greater love hath no man than he lay down his life for his friend," murmured Betty Driffield.
They sat in silence, each with his or her memories. Trevor thought of Eric. George Driffield of his friends killed in the trenches in France or in the deserts of North Africa, or the mud of a winter in Italy. Paul and his mother thought of the anxious war days wondering if the fateful telegram would come.
"Another cup of coffee?" asked Betty Driffield, breaking the silence.
Then after further less serious talk, Trevor and Paul adjourned to play some more snooker. It was gone midnight when they eventually went up to bed.
Trevor slept through until just after 8.00am. The light was beginning to steal round the curtains. He got out of bed. He was dressed in pyjamas, as he thought he should. At Cambridge he used to wear his pyjamas under his dressing gown when he went down the stairs to the bathroom and lavatory.
He went across to the window and drew the curtains. The sun had nearly risen. There had been a sharp frost. There was a low mist across the park and distant fields. The top of the trees stood up out of the mist.
There was a knock on his bedroom door. "Come in," he called.
Paul, also in pyjamas and dressing gown, entered the room carrying a small tray with a tea pot and couple of cups and saucers. "Sleep well?" He put the tray down on a table, and went and stood beside Trevor.
"This is all so beautiful, Paul." As they watched the sun began to appear over a distant hill. Everywhere was transformed into delicate soft colours.
"To live among all this!"
"The view is a part of the silver spoon. But there is a down side to this place. The Manor costs a bomb to heat, and an arm and a leg to keep in a good state of repair. And you will catch your death if you don't put something warm on pretty quickly. There are death duties threatening whenever the head of the family dies. We cannot even afford the servants we had before the war. Each of the last wars has more than halved the number working in the house and on the estate. To go serious shopping in Gloucester costs a lot in petrol and time. There is a small shop in the village, but it doesn't sell everything one needs, and what it does sell is more expensive than in Gloucester. We feel we have to buy at the local shop, as they are our tenants. But today is a beautiful day. Wash and shave, and then breakfast in about fifteen minutes."
Trevor and Paul tucked in to a full breakfast: cereal, and then bacon, egg, sausage, tomatoes and fried bread. 1954 was to see the very end of rationing that had lasted through and since the war.
"Have you ever ridden a horse, Trev?"
"No."
"Want to have a go?"
"As long as it's not a bucking bronco."
"We've got just the one for you. It's Mum's horse really. We'll take her out, and I'll show you round the estate. The horse will take you, no need to worry."
They spent the morning exploring some of the countryside round Winchfield. In the afternoon they went for a short walk on foot. In the evening after dinner they played snooker.
There was one occasion when Trevor was alone with Paul's father.
"Thank you for all that you told us about Korea. I know it was painful for you, but there was much that was good in your experience. There's a great sense of comradeship that is often only experienced in adverse circumstances like fighting the enemy. You have come through some difficult times in your life, Trevor. You are a good friend for Paul. You're not like some of the chinless wonders he brought home from time to time from Eton."
On the Sunday morning they attended the village church.
On Monday Trevor returned to London. He sat in the train thinking about his friendship with Paul. He had wondered if his stay at Winchfield would lead to sexual activity with Paul. He valued the friendship too highly to make the first move. If Paul had made that first move, then it would have been a different matter. Strangely enough sex was about the only subject they had never talked about. He also wondered what would Paul think if he knew about what had happened with Fred, and Bill, and Isaac, Con and Fergus, and more recently with Brian. He knew that there was an essential part of his make up that must be kept firmly under cover. He felt something of a hypocrite, and a little guilty.
But that evening, just after 7.00pm as arranged, there was a familiar knock on the door.
Just over a week later Trevor went back up to Cambridge. As a term it was much like the previous one. The weather was cold, and the damp of Cambridge seemed to eat into his bones. His main interest that term was the letters from Isaac.
Frankfurt 17th January 1954. Dear Trev, It was good to hear about your trip to Winchfield. I would have liked to have seen you on a horse! Are you likely to go down there again? Work is going well. The German economy is showing great vitality. You may remember I told you when I was home over Christmas about the young man I had recently taken on. Typical Prussian German, tall, blond, light blue eyes,
and almost heel clicking when he speaks to me. Once or twice I have caught him looking at me, with a puzzled look on his face. When I catch him looking, he turns away immediately. This has happened four or five times, and I wonder what is going on.....................
Frankfurt 24th January. My dear Trev, Thanks for your letter. You say that the incidents with the young man in the office remind you of Con in the showers at school! I don't know. We are not in a comparable situation, and I am his boss. Twice this week I have caught him with the same look. By the way his name in Heinrich Muller.
I just don't know what is actually going on.......................
Frankfurt 31st January 1954 I was glad to hear that your essay on the economic consequences of the Hundred Years War on England and France was well received. I'd like to read it sometime. Are your conclusions similar to those about the economic consequences of the last war on Britain and Germany? There has been a small development with Heinrich. On Friday we both left the office at the same time. He stood aside to let me pass through a door. I asked him how he was finding the work. Then I asked if where he lived was far away. We both live within walking distance in the same direction. He lives beyond my flat. With a certain amount of hesitation he asked if I was married. The answer you know. He asked if I had any family. So I told him a little about you, I described you as my adopted son. I also told him about Joseph as the only other survivor of the holocaust in my family. He was very silent when I told him. `We Germans bear a lot of guilt over what we did to your people. Can you ever forgive us?' I told him you kept saying that I must have forgiveness in my heart, but that you were a Christian. This intrigued him more about our relationship. We then reached my flat, we shook hands and parted. He is certainly a pleasant and interesting young man.................................
Frankfurt. Sunday 7th Feb. I have an idea young Heinrich hangs around for me for a while when the office closes. However we walked homewards together again on Wednesday. We talked generally, though I think he wants to know more about me. At the office he is as hard working, correct and well mannered as ever, but somehow more friendly..................
Cambridge Wed 10/2/54 Of course, Isaac, your Heinrich will be more friendly. He's getting to know you as a person and not just as his boss. Don't be so suspicious. See where it all leads. The only danger is that he might abuse friendship when it comes to working for you..........
There was nothing in Isaac's letter of 14th February about Heinrich Muller
Frankfurt Sunday 21st February 1954 I was walking home with Heinrich on Friday evening, and he started questioning me about how I was settling down in Germany. When we reached my flat we stood talking for a while. Standing rather stiffly almost to attention, he said, "Herr Rose, would it be very improper of me to ask if you would like to come out with me one evening for a meal in a restaurant. I realise that in asking I may be in a total breach of office principles of conduct." "Herr Muller, I think that would be a great idea. We could talk more freely, and in more comfortable surroundings. Let me take you out for a meal. You pick the restaurant, a nice one where the food is good." We argued or a few moments about whether I should take him out, but it did not take too long to persuade him. So we are all set to go out for a meal next Friday evening..........
Cambridge Wednesday. All the best for Friday, though this will not reach you until after the event........
Frankfurt Sunday 28th February 54 Heinrich called for me as were going to walk to the restaurant. He was still being very correct, Herr Rose this' and `Herr Rose that'. I thought he was going to click his heels at any moment. Before we left my flat I said "Outside the office I am Isaac, in the office I'm Herr Rose. Outside the office may I call you Heinrich rather than Herr Muller?" "Most of my friends call me Heinie," He almost blushed. First name terms was a big step forward. We had a very enjoyable meal. He had reserved a table for two, and it was in a quieter part of the restaurant. He asked me about my early life in Vienna, and why I left home. I gave the reasons as my being a Jew, and my left wing associations at University. I did not mention the other reason! He had a lot of questions about England, and especially what it was like in London during the blitz, and with their secret weapons. What they gave us was nothing compared with what we meted out to them, especially in Hamburg, Cologne, Dresden and Berlin. I asked him about his war experiences. Frankfurt was bombed quite heavily. He was called up at the middle of 1944. He fought against the Americans in France. He was slightly wounded a couple of times. It would be interesting to hear the two of you compare notes on your war time experiences. His father was on the Eastern Front and was taken prisoner by the Russians. He did not return until the late 40s, a broken man, physically and mentally. After we had eaten we went back to my flat for coffee. I have a settee and one easy chair in the sitting room. He sat in the easy chair, and I sat near him on the settee. We talked for a long while, in fact until gone midnight. He would very much like to visit England. He has some English, spoken with a Yankee accent. The influence of Hollywood I think. We are going to go out for a meal again..............
Cambridge. I am delighted that you have found a friend in Heinrich. You sounded so on your own in Germany. It must have been like it was when you first came to England. Are you coming home at all over the Easter Vac?.......
Frankfurt 7th March 1954 I think going out for a meal with Heinie on a Friday evening is going to become a regular thing. We went to a different restaurant this week. We talked very freely and easily. A long time it was about the threat from the East. The West Germans are very fearful that the Russian tanks are going to roll westwards, and they will be conquered very quickly. The presence of so many American and British troops in West Germany does not totally reassure them. They think we will fall back to the Rhine. Again we went back to my place for coffee. While I was in the tiny kitchen making it, he sat down. This week he sat on the settee, and sat at the end furthest away from the one arm chair. If I had sat in the arm chair I would have been as far from him as was possible in that small room, and would have been awkward and seen as unsociable. So I sat with him on the settee. We talked. He asked if I had ever had a girl friend. I said, `no'. He hadn't either, he said, in reply to me asking him. We looked at each other and gave each other a slight smile. I think he may well be like us when it come to his sexual direction. We are in danger of a stalemate. I am afraid of making a first move, because that would put him in a difficult position if he was not interested, as I am his boss at work. He is afraid of making the first move, because I am his boss, and I might dismiss him, or make his position at work untenable. What should I do, Trevor? But more important, Trevor, how would you feel about it if something did happen between Heinie and myself? I have only been with you over the last years, and before that it was with the friends of my youth in Austria. I look forward to talking this all over with you when I come home in a few of weeks time.............
Cambridge. 11th March `54 You asking me for advise about Heinie! I thought you were the expert in all these things. I think I would see how he reacts to a little physical contact other than shaking hands. Why not put a hand on his shoulder when you are seeing him out of the door? If he pulls away quickly you will know that it is a no go. If he doesn't, or if he smiles or gives some positive signal, then you will know to do something a little more demonstrative next time. He might do something similar to you. You ask how I feel. I just remember how supportive, understanding and encouraging you were with Con, Fergus, and Brian. If Heinie is the man to share your German bed I will be delighted. I would be the last one to deny you any happiness in that direction.......
Frankfurt 14th March. Trevor I feel so nervous over my dealings with Heinie. He is such a nice man. I like him so much. I value his friendship and would hate to lose that through some inappropriate action on my part. I feel old and out of practice.
Cambridge 18/03/54 I can understand your hesitations. It is a long while, nine years? since you had a new man in your life and he was a young boy. Before that there was a long gap since your Austrian activities. Have you not thought Heinie has the same hesitations as you. Remember nothing ventured nothing won,' and faint heart never won fair lady' [except in this case it is a man!] I keep getting a picture in my mind of the two of you sitting as far into the corners of your settee as possible with a great neutral zone between.....
Frankfurt. 21st March 1954 Progress, real progress, Trev. When we were saying goodbye at the door of my flat. After we had shaken hands, I put my arm round his shoulder, and said Thank you for a good evening.' Heinie turned and gave me a quick hug, said Thank you,' and then bolted out of the door as fast as he could go.....
Leytonstone 25th March. Progress indeed. I am all agog to hear what happens this Friday. When are you coming home?.....................
Frankfurt Sunday 28th March 1954. When we were saying goodbye at the door again, we exchanged thank yous. Heinie turned to go, and I said, Aren't I getting a hug this Friday?' He turned and flung his arms round me. I was not sure whether you approved, or not.' I don't know whether I approved, but I certainly enjoyed it, and was looking forward to another one tonight.' I pulled a little away so that I could look at him fully. I value our friendship. It means a lot to me. We must not be shy with other.' We hugged for a little longer. I was afraid he would feel my hardening down below. We certainly kept that part of our anatomies well apart. I am really looking forward to next week. I will be returning to England on Wednesday 7th April. Expect me about 5.00pm. As I will be home a few hours after any letter, I will not write next Sunday......
It was 5.10pm when Trevor heard a key in the front door. He rushed through to the hall to welcome Isaac back home. They stood, hugged and kissed. Trevor detected that there was something different about Isaac. They went through and Trevor poured them both a glass of dry sherry. "The meal will be ready in a few minutes. So if you want to freshen up, you've got about ten minutes."
They sat down to eat. Trevor had cooked a casserole with lamb chops. He knew that Isaac liked it. As they ate they talked about the journey, and Trevor's term at Cambridge.
"What's wrong, Isaac? You're not your usual self."
"I've got something to tell you, and I don't know how you're going to take it."
"Heinie?"
Isaac nodded.
"It's happened?" asked Trevor.
Isaac nodded again, and had a guilty look on his face.
"Did it go wrong?"
"No! Far from it."
"Was it good?"
"Yes."
"So why are you feeling upset about it?"
"I am afraid that it may have done something serious to our relationship."
"Why? Have I not been encouraging you?"
"Yes. I know that."
"So then?"
"Trev. I feel I should not have put our relationship in jeopardy."
"Why? Don't you love me any more?" said Trevor, a note of anxiety was creeping into his voice.
"I love you, Trev, as much as ever. But I think I might love Heinie too."
"So. Have you not said to me often enough, love does not have to divide, it can multiply. You knew about my affairs for Con, and Fergus. You encouraged me with Con. There was love in those relationships, as you well know. Still there for Fergus." Trevor grasped Isaac's hand. "I'm glad you've found someone in Germany. Tell your uncle Trevor all about it."
"It happened last Friday. Heinie and I had made our usual arrangements for a meal together that evening. He calls for me, and then we walk down into town together to the particular restaurant we had chosen that night. When I opened the door to him, I thought he looked rough. He came in, but before I could go and get my coat he said, Isaac, can I have my hug now, rather than later?' I went and put my arms round him, making sure to keep my crotch well away from him. Why? What's the matter?' I asked. `Home trouble,' he muttered into my ear. I knew that he lived at home with his parents, and shared a small bedroom with his brother."
"Older or younger?" asked Trevor.
"Older, by about three years. Tell me about it as we walk into town,' I said to Heinie. I put on my coat, and we left my flat. Heinie's father had been on the Eastern Front and was a P.O.W. for several years. Not a pleasant experience, to put it mildly. His brother had been in the Luftwaffe during the war. Saw action on several fronts. I had already gathered from Heinie that his brother was quite a hard nut, and disapproved of Heinie's working for an English firm. I don't think he also knew that I was a Jew. So I already knew that things were not easy for Heinie at home. Last weekend Heinie's brother announced that he was getting married. He had been going out with a girl for some time. Heinie told me that for several years there had been pressure on him in that direction. My parents kept asking when was I going to bring a girl home. When they saw there seemed to be no likelihood of that they started to encourage a relationship with the daughter of one of their friends.' Matchmaking?' I asked. Exactly,' replied Heinie, `I could not stand the poor girl. I was always polite, but never gave her any encouragement, and turned down and made excuses whenever it was suggested I took her out for the evening. My brother getting engaged has brought it all to a head. My mother said this evening, as I was getting ready to come out with you, "Heinie, why do you go out with your boss? You'll never meet a nice girl that way." Then my brother butted in, "He doesn't want to meet any girl, nice or other wise. He is one of those shirt lifters, he's not interested in girls. Our Heinie is a man lover." "What?" shouted my father, coming out from behind the newspaper, "Heinie a homosexual?" I just stood there paralysed with fright.
"In the days of the Third Reich," shouted my father, "such scum were carted off to the concentration camps. And quite right too." "I've never done anything with a man that I am ashamed of," I said in self defence. "No, but you'd like to, little brother, wouldn't you?" "I have not done anything like that," I said emphatically.' Heinie walked out and came round to my flat."
"And he told you all that as you both walked into town?" asked Trevor.
"Yes. when he got to his walking out he stopped and stood there fighting back the tears. I saw that he was in no state to go and eat a meal in a restaurant. So I suggested we went back to my flat. I said I could produce an omelette or something for us both to eat."
"What happened when you got back to your place?"
"I sat him down on the settee, and then poured us both a stiff drink. He certainly needed it. He was in a bad way, but he slowly calmed down. I sat down alongside him. Do you like men more than women?' I asked. He just nodded. You're sexually attracted to men rather than women?' I asked.
He nodded again with some reluctance. But you've never done anything sexual with a man?' He shook his head. Except for hugging you,' he added. And you liked that?' Yes', he whispered. I think we are the same,' I added, I think we like and want the same things,' I said. He gave a great sigh of relief. I thought you might be. I just sensed in some way that you might be like that.' There was a pause, before he continued, But you've done it. You have done things with men?' It was my turn to nod. Much? With many?' he asked. A lot with one person,' I replied, But with several a long time ago when I was in Vienna.' He thought this over. The one is special?' he asked with a note of sadness in his voice. `Yes, very special.' "
Trevor reached over and put his hand on Isaac's.
" Can I ask who this special man is? Or am I being too inquisitive?' asked Heinie. It's Trevor,' I said. Heinie looked up at me with surprise, But he's a child isn't he?' He's twenty one now. My relationship with Trevor goes back a long way, and is a complex one. And a wonderful one too. It all started when he was twelve and a half. We just clicked. We liked each other, and from staying a night at weekends, he soon was living with me. His mother found it difficult to cope with the lively urchin he was fast becoming. She had a series of men, one of whom treated Trev very badly. It is a complex relationship. Yes, we are lovers, but also like brothers. I am in many ways also his father and his teacher. He has given me a great deal of love and happiness and purpose. I think I have given him a great deal.' He's a lucky man to have found you, and to have you,' commented Heinie; What's he doing now?' He's is an undergraduate at Cambridge. He got a scholarship there. He's reading History.' I looked at my watch. But at this precise moment if I know him, he is in bed with his friend, Brian.' Again Heinie looked at me in surprise, You know? You approve?' Yes, I know, I approve. I've known all along that I could not bind him totally to me. I did not want to do that. He must be free. He tells me. And so far I have thoroughly approved and encouraged his special friends.' But you, you have no one else?' asked Heinie, No one here in Germany?' I told him, `Not at the moment.'
"We sat for a long while in silence as Heinie took in all that I had said. Thank you for listening, Isaac,' he said, I don't know quite where I am.'
What do you mean?' I asked. I know where I stand with my family. I must find somewhere of my own to live. But where do I stand with you?' said Heinie. I can give you a refuge here for a night or two, but this place is barely big enough for one person, it would not do for two men. It would be the quickest way to destroy any relationship.' I must go home tonight,' he said, If it is too bad at home I may take up your offer for no longer than a week.' I said, I'm going back to England over Easter, you could stay in this flat while I am away, that would give you a little longer to find somewhere. But the second thing you said, where do I stand with you? Where do you want to stand with me?' There was a pause before he answered slowly, carefully and shyly, I'd like you, Isaac, to show me how men make love. If you are happy to do so. But I'm worried about Trevor back in London. What'll he think. Would you tell him?' Yes, I'd tell him,' I replied, He's always been open with me on such things, and I need to be open with him. He even asked if I'd got a German boy friend when I was with him at Christmas. And yes, I'd be happy and privileged to be your first man. But are you sure?' Heinie nodded. Then I asked, But do you want to eat first, or make love first?' Show me how to make love, first, please,' he said. I thought for a moment, I think we need to start where we have left off.' I stood up, and pulled Heinie to his feet, We've started giving each other a hug.' And I've enjoyed that,' said Heine, but my penis has always got an erection and I was afraid you'd discover that, I had to keep that part of me well away from you.' I laughed. So did mine, now it doesn't matter.' I put my arms round him, Trev, and pulled him close. I kissed him. He was surprised at first, then he kissed me. They were very chaste correct kisses. I ran my hand's down his back and pulled him closer. I could feel his hard cock, and I'm sure he felt mine. I like what I can feel everywhere,' I said, there is nothing to be ashamed of or shy about.' He relaxed in my arms. I pushed my groin at him, and he responded. You feel so good', he said, `It's what I dreamt about.' We began to kiss more intimately and with greater fervour.
" Let's go into the bedroom,' I said, leading the way. He followed me, and I turned and reached across to take off his jacket, and undo his tie. I want to undress you, Heinie, just be at ease and enjoy what I do. If I do anything you do not like, or do not want me to do, just say, and I'll stop.' I undid the buttons on his shirt. His chest was smooth, no hair at ALL, expect for a few stray ones around his nipples. I ran my hands over his chest, and felt his nipples, watching his face all the time. I like that,' he said. I kissed him some more, and then nussled into his neck with more kisses, and so down until I was kissing his nipples. It feels so good. Wonderful,' he said. I removed his shirt, and started to undo the belt holding up his trousers. Then I slowly undid the fly buttons and pushed my hand in. I could feel his cock hard and large within his pants. He sighed. `Careful, Isaac. I shall shoot my sperm if you continue doing that for much more. And I don't want that to happen. Your hand, your lips are so wonderful.' I knelt down and took off his shoes, and socks, and much to his surprise I placed a kiss on the instep of both of his feet. I lowered his trousers, and removed his pants."
"What sort of cock has he got?" asked Trevor.
"It was standing up, pointing towards the ceiling. I should think just about six inches, not colossal. I didn't get a ruler, and do what you once did with me."
They both laughed at the distant memory of measuring Isaac's cock with a ruler on one of Trevor's early visits, and Trevor saying it was four inches long!
"It is uncircumcised, like yours Trev. Very full foreskin, even fully erect the foreskin still covers part of the head. It is quite thick, a good handful."
"What happened then?"
"I held it in my open hand, and kissed it. I think I said something like, It's beautiful, Heinie.' He replied, Isaac be careful, I don't want to shoot my sperm too soon. Let me undress you.' And that's what he did. When he opened my shirt front he marvelled at the mass of dark hair. He kept stroking it. He is quite taken with it. He undressed me so that we were soon stark naked in front of each other. I clasped him to me, and we enjoyed being close together with nothing between us. Isaac, this is better than I ever dared to imagine,' he said. We got on the bed, and lay close together, touching, stroking, kissing, and thrusting our groins at each other. At one stage I pulled him on top of me, but that was too much for him. With a great groan, he called out, I've lost it?' I felt his spunk pour out of him onto my stomach. You're young,' I whispered in his ear, You'll soon be able to do that again.' He rested on top of me, but his cock only went down to half mast, - in a short while it felt as hard as ever."
"Did you shoot your load?"
"Oh yes. He got a hand to me, and I soon shot all over the place. We went to the bathroom and cleaned up. It was then we had something to eat. I made an omelette. But Heinie was eager for more, `Can we go back into the bedroom for some more?' he asked. So we went back for a second session.
"What happened?" asked Trevor.
"I sucked him off this time. This was all new to him, but he was a quick learner. He sucked me off. He didn't want to go home. I think it was well gone midnight when he left my flat."
"Did he come and stay in your flat?"
"No. But he is staying there at the moment. I allowed him some time off work to find somewhere on his own. He has found a place, but it is not vacant for another week. He'll have moved in there when I get back."
Trevor and Isaac sat together at the meal table in silence.
"You all right, Trev?" asked Isaac anxiously.
"I'm trying to sort myself out."
"How do you mean?"
"Well. In one sense I am happy. My mind, the thinking part of me, is happy that you have found someone in Germany. You supported me, and encouraged me with Con, and Fergus and so on. I can support and encourage you."
"But?"
"But there is another part of me. My heart, my emotions, that is finding it harder to accept. This marks a great shift in our relationship. You have always, since I was your birthday present to yourself in December 1943,
over ten years ago, been totally there for me. I have known all along that I have been number one in your life. Now there is someone else, very close to you. Who you do love?"
"Yes, Trev. I must be honest. I do love Heinie. He is special to me."
"I remember all that you have said, several times, love can be multiplied,
it does not have to be divided. My mind is saying one thing, and my heart another."
Isaac reached across and clasped Trevor's hand. "Trev, you will always be number one! The ten wonderful years you have given me can never be forgotten. You brought love back into my life. You gave my life meaning and a purpose. You helped me cope with the desolation of knowing what Hitler and his minions had done to my family. I owe you so much, Trev, and I love you so much."
Isaac got up from the table and came and knelt alongside Trevor. He put his arms round him, and buried his head in Trevor's chest. "I love you, Trev. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was to hurt you."
"I know that, Isaac. I hate myself for these wrong emotions within me. My mind says I am wrong, that I am foolish. I love you so much, Isaac." He lowered his face, and kissed the top of Isaac's head.
Isaac raised his face. They kissed.
"Let's leave the washing up. Isaac, I want you to make love to me, now!"
"If that is what you want, that it is fine by me."
They went upstairs, as they had done countless times before. They undressed.
"Trev, let me look at you. You're changing. Those muscles. You're filling out. You no longer a gangly youth, but a strong well built man."
"It is all the exercise, especially the rowing," said Trevor with a laugh.
"Perhaps you're getting even more like your father."
Trevor looked at himself in the full length mirror. "I never saw Dad without any clothes on. But I think you're probably right."
"Pity both your Mum and Dad cannot see you."
"What like this?" said Trevor with a laugh.
"Well perhaps not like that, and certainly not with me like this in the background. I reckon your Dad would be very, very proud of you. Cambridge and all that."
"And all that is due to you, Isaac." Trevor got onto the bed. "Come on Isaac, I need you to love me."
Isaac looked down on Trevor as he lay sprawled on the bed. "You are one beautiful handsome man, Trev." He got alongside Trevor. They kissed, and fell into all their familiar patterns of making love. Trevor hoped that the disturbing emotions were being allayed.
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