Disclaimer: This story deals with homosexual men. If it offends you, X out of the story and read something else. If you are not 18, do not read. And if you want a fast fuck story, go elsewhere; this is not a fast sex story, but more of a love story. If that does not interest you, do not waste your time reading. Otherwise, enjoy. Email me for any kind of comments.
Hey, quick note. I know I said I'd post this sooner, but wanted to try to make it as clean as possible. However, after finals I realized I didn't really want to read anymore! So I didn't get a chance to give this a final read-thru like I wanted, but oh well. I just want to post and get it out there. So if there are any annoying mistakes, deal with it, read around it, and what not. Just enjoy!
Chapter 16
"I had no idea this was Pete's Doug," Danny said, nodding at us, while talking to Julie.
Julie smiled and took a sip of her drink. "Actually, he mentioned a Pete, but I guess I never connected the dots."
"Yeah, you're so self-absorbed," I mocked and she stuck her tongue out at me, flipping her hair.
Doug laughed. "Well, in her defense, she must have mentioned Danny a billion times, and even you, but I guess I never realized it was `THE Julie and Danny'," he said, grinning, his dark eyes shining.
I smiled at him, feeling comfortable in his presence. I really missed him and I had honestly thought I would never see him again. So this was definitely a pleasant surprise, for sure.
"How did you guys meet? You graduated at NYU," I stated.
Doug smiled. "Well, I took off for LA and was working in some little boutique. I met Julie, and we started talking."
"Discussing our majors and interests and Doug told me some of his ideas," Julie added.
"She was searching for some internships and I knew some people who knew other people and got her something," Doug finished. "Meanwhile, I'm still working on my little clothing line, hoping it will go somewhere."
"It will," Julie insisted. "Everyone will love me and then I'll show them all your stuff. Which is amazing, by the way!"
"This girl," Doug said smiling at me.
"Tell me about it," Danny said, shooting Julie a smitten look.
I turned to Doug and stuck my finger down my throat, pretending to gag. Doug giggled.
"You look good," I murmured into his ear.
He did look good. His dark hair was gelled fashionably and his clothing was sophisticated, but made funky and trendy with accessories. It was a very California fashion and he looked hot.
Doug smiled. "You too Pete. But then I always thought you looked good. You know that."
I smirked. "Yeah, I guess I did."
"I missed you. It's so great to see you again," Doug said.
I nudged him. "Well, we could have hung out more if you didn't bounce right after graduation!" I said.
Doug looked down. "I had to go Pete."
There was an awkward pause.
I coughed slightly. "I know, Doug. I know. I'm sorry."
He shook his head. "Don't be."
Danny and Julie were giggling and exchanging kisses. I guess they missed each other a lot too, but it was good because it gave me a chance to catch up with Doug quietly.
"How are you?" I asked sincerely.
"I'm doing great," he grinned excitedly. "I love it here. Sure, it's not as real and gritty as New York, but everyone here is so superficial and it's kinda fun. It's great inspiration for some of my designs. I made some cool pieces. You should check it out sometime," he added.
"Will do," I promised.
"How's Grant?" he asked sincerely.
I instantly averted my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. When I looked back at him, his eyes were filled with concern.
"What happened?" he asked quietly.
"I'll tell you later," I said nodding at Julie and Danny. If we talked about it now, at dinner, they'd bombard me with questions and again, I really wanted to keep the happy mood going. Besides, I'm sure Danny would tell Julie everything in private. There were no secrets between us three anymore.
So for the rest of the night, we all chatted and caught up, talking loudly, laughing a lot. It was the perfect night and it cheered me up immensely.
Doug and I saw a lot of each other during my visit. I mean, he hung out a lot with Julie and since Danny and I were trying to spend quality time with her, well, we were all together a lot.
Danny and Julie wanted to be alone sometimes, so I spent my time with Doug.
"What's the real deal with Grant?" he asked.
I sighed heavily. "Ugh, long story."
"I have time," he said pointing at his watch as he fried some eggs, preparing my omelet. "And we're friends and trying to catch up, right?"
I shot him a tight grin.
"Ok, if you really don't want to talk about it, I won't pry. I can respect that," he said.
"No, it's ok. Just give me a moment," I said pinching the bridge of my nose.
Doug finished cooking in silence and then when he was finished he placed a large dish in front of me. "Eat a little first, then spill. Food makes everything all better, right?"
I smiled and nodded, gratefully taking a huge bite.
"Ok, here goes," I said after I had inhaled half my meal. "Last semester," I began, but suddenly stopped as Doug gave me his undivided attention.
"Let me start over," I said. "We broke up."
He looked genuinely shocked. "What? Why?"
"He cheated on me," I said. God, it fucking hurt to say that. And it make me feel shitty somehow, like I wasn't good enough for Grant or that he didn't really want me, but I pushed those thoughts out of my head because I knew it really wasn't true.
Doug gasped. "He did? With who?"
"Some guy in one of his classes. They started out as study buddies after Grant bombed some exam," I said sighing. "It went from there. Studying, hanging out, dinners, kissing, letting the guy blow him."
"Wow," Doug whispered. "I didn't think that would happen."
"Me neither," I said with a rueful smile. "I feel like an idiot."
"Why?"
"Because I knew something was off, but I was too absorbed in myself or I was too afraid to confront him. I was trying to ignore the facts and pretend everything was ok, when it wasn't. I should have said something sooner, to prevent all this. It was a misunderstanding, and maybe we could have worked it out or something," I said in a rush, feeling confused, unable to get my thoughts across to him. "I was just so chicken shit. I didn't want my fears to be real. I didn't want to know he was cheating even if I already knew it in my head. I didn't want the confirmation from him or see his guilt or shame. I just didn't want the change or pain. I just wanted to be happy, even if it meant faking it in vain. Now this is all so fucked up."
"What happened after?"
"Well, he told me in April about his attraction and fooling around with this guy and I moved in with Danny until the semester ended. I wanted us to pass our courses. Then I kinda broke things off with him, because I wanted to get away from him for the summer, to be single and be with me, in a way. That way, he could do whatever he wanted with whomever. You know, get it out of his system. I didn't want to hold onto him too tight and make him stray. I didn't think I had been doing that, but who knows?" I asked shrugging. "Maybe I'm more suffocating than I thought I was." Doug listened to all this silently and he sipped slowly on his water.
"You're not suffocating, Pete," Doug said with a smile. "Who would get sick of you?"
"You are too sweet," I told him. "Even after all this."
"Of course," Doug replied. "I lo-" he stopped short and there was an awkward pause as we both knew what he was about to say.
Doug stuffed some food in his mouth and chewed for a bit. A small smile came across my lips.
"You're not gonna say it?" I asked.
"Hmp?" he asked, with his mouth still full.
"You're not gonna say `I told you so', or that I should have chosen you when I had the chance?" I asked looking at him hard.
Doug swallowed his food and wiped his mouth before focusing his full attention on me.
"I wouldn't do that, Pete," he said sincerely. "Do I wish you would have chosen me?" he asked. "Sure I do. I fell hard for you, what can I say? But I wouldn't want you to be with me if you weren't in it one hundred percent. I know you love Grant and you still love him. I can tell by the heartbreak on your face. And telling you, `I told you so' isn't really my style," he finished with a friendly smile.
"I actually want you to get back together with Grant because I hate to see you hurt and in so much pain," Doug went on. "I've let you go Pete. Do I still feel love for you? Absolutely? Am I still attracted to you? Definitely. But am I willing to mess around with you now that you're technically available? No way."
I raised my eyebrows.
"Because it would only make you feel guilty and ashamed because maybe you're feeling slightly vengeful and it would only hurt me because it would bring a rush of feelings back that I need to move past. Plus," Doug rambled on. "I've been sort of seeing someone and he's a good guy. We're not too serious yet, but sleeping with an ex is not a good way for us to build something for the future. So there."
I looked at him for a few seconds and then burst out laughing.
"Oh Doug, all that, wow!" I said giggling. "All you needed to say was a simple no," I mocked.
Doug rolled his eyes.
"In all seriousness, I appreciate everything you said. And you're right, by the way," I agreed, "It's tempting for me to be with you, because, well, you've always treated me so well and it's so good to see you, and you look so fucking good," I said eyeing him. Doug blushed slightly. "I'm glad you're still looking out for me. It's a good feeling. And it makes you even more attractive," I added winking.
"Pete," Doug warned.
"Sorry, flirty by nature," I said smiling charmingly.
"Don't I know it," Doug said grinning as well.
"So tell me about this guy of yours? How did you meet? Where did you meet? What does he look like? Is he as hot as me? Is he as good in bed as I am?" I asked mischievously, smirking. "Probably not, right?"
Doug crowed with laughter and it was several minutes before he was even able to answer the first question.
The rest of our day together, besides shopping, and eating a lot, he told me about all about his new boyfriend or whatever and from what I gathered, they seemed good together.
I was really happy for him. He deserved it.
"I love you Doug," I said honestly when it was my last day in California. He had come to the airport with Danny and Julie to see me off.
Danny would be staying longer and I was going directly to Texas from California to see David, Jet, and Lawrence.
"I love you too, Pete. Be well," he said hugging me tightly.
"We have to keep in touch now," I said burying my face in his neck. "Call me. Email, whatever."
"You got it," Doug answered. "I hope everything works out for you and Grant," he whispered in my ear. "Don't be afraid, Pete. Take a chance, ok? No regrets in life. You can bounce back from everything. I`m confident of that. I have faith in you."
I pulled back. "You're so wonderful," I murmured. "In another life, perhaps?" I asked.
Doug smiled. "Yeah, maybe," he gripped my sides.
"I'll keep you posted on my life," I said.
"Good," Doug said.
I leaned in and kissed him briefly on the lips. His eyes were still closed when I pulled away and I smiled. He opened his eyes and the dark color were sparkling.
I hugged Danny and Julie, promising to call, email, IM, webcam and all that stuff while I was in Texas. I wished Julie luck on her internship. I said another goodbye to Doug. Seeing him again had brought a rush of feelings, but that could have been because I was so vulnerable. But I was glad I reconnected with him. He didn't take advantage of me or try to work the situation to his benefit. I knew he really cared for me and loved me if he put my well-being over his own emotions. Doug was a good guy. I would definitely keep him in my life.
I walked backwards and waved at them as long as I could before they faded out of sight.
I would miss those three. Danny and Julie were always my lifeline growing up and now I was venturing off for the summer by myself, to another state, with my Dad and a new set of friends.
How strange things turned out. But I was going with it. What else could I do, right?
"What?" Jet and Lawrence exclaimed at the same time.
"He cheated? With who?" Lawrence asked.
"I'm gonna kick his ass! Let me pick out a good weapon!" Jet cried out.
I smiled at her, touched by her loyalty. "That's really not necessary Jet." She opened her mouth to protest. "In the event I get back together with him, I like him to be physically intact."
"Yeah, this one is so violent," Lawrence teased. "Any excuse to kick someone's ass."
Jet rolled her eyes, but then looked at me. "You plan on getting back together with him? Why?"
"Ok, one question at a time," I said turning my attention to Lawrence. "To answer yours, he cheated with some classmate of his. You know, late night studying," I trailed off. Lawrence nodded and didn't press for further details.
"And I don't know," I sighed. "I can't really hate Grant for this."
"Why not?" Jet asked. "If Lawrence cheated," she eyed her boyfriend seriously, "You'd be going to his funeral procession right now."
Lawrence looked at me and made a face. "This is why we've been together so long. I'm freaking scared shitless of her."
Jet kissed Lawrence's cheek. "That's my baby."
Lawrence rolled his eyes, but smiled at Jet softly.
"Hey! Focus on me, will you?" I demanded. Both of them turned their attention to me. "I'm a gay guy, which means I need lots of attention whenever drama occurs. So shut up and pay attention to the most important person in this room. ME!"
They chuckled briefly. "Go on," Jet said in a mock solemn tone.
"The reason why I can't hate Grant is because I still love him too damn much and I know he isn't the cheating type. He told me he got confused and was most likely flattered by all the attention he was getting. Our relationship was weird from the beginning. Like, it was too serious, too fast. I mean, come on, I move back to New York and then he follows me out there a year later and we become, like, freaking married. No outside lives of our own. He especially has no life of his own. Everything is all about me, my friends, my family, my school, and whatever. No wonder he got excited when some Korean fool showered him and only him with attention. So how can I hate him when a large part of this is my fault? I didn't let him be free or set boundaries for us. I just was selfish and was thinking only about myself and how I wanted him with me all the time. So, no matter what I can't hate Grant."
I was breathing hard when I finished my rant and Jet and Lawrence were gawking at me.
"I know I'm hot, but you don't have to fucking stare," I commented, arching my brow at them.
Jet burst into laughter, while Lawrence smiled.
"You know what Pete?" Jet asked. "I think you're right. You both are to blame. Grant doesn't seem like a spiteful person. The only way a relationship survives is if you are both individuals and have lives outside of each other. That's how Lawrence and I made it this far- not because he's scared of me," she said shooting Lawrence a dirty look.
Lawrence looked at me. "A little bit," he mouthed. I snorted.
"Well, if you get back together, you don't have to rush into it," Jet pointed out. "Both of you can take your time."
"I know," I nodded. "That's what this whole summer away is meant for."
Jet smiled. "You guys were such a hot couple. It's kinda sad you're not together right now.
"I agree," I said smiling.
"Are you bummed?" she asked. "Do you want some ice cream?"
I chuckled. "Yes to both questions."
Jet grinned and went to the freezer while Lawrence retrieved the bowls and spoons.
"Ice cream solves all," she said. I shrugged.
"I have faith you two will work this out," Jet said. "Sometimes when you see a couple, you just know they're meant to be. And that's how I felt about you and Grant."
"Really?" I asked curiously.
"Sure," she said. "Even before, in the very beginning, when you guys were just starting out, you guys seemed perfect for each other. Like, Grant was closeted and super-shy, unless he was in his circle of jock friends, although he was the nicest. And you, on the other hand, well, you're out, loud, and confident, able to hold your own in any situation, even if you're kinda puny."
I stuck my tongue out at her and flexed my rather small biceps. I shook my head and sighed in shame.
"Time to hit the gym!" Lawrence crowed.
I smirked. "Look who's talking. You need your girlfriend to protect you. At least with Grant, he's bigger than me, and a MAN!"
Jet shook her head at the both of us as she continued her explanation. "Grant is this friendly, athletic, smart, all- American southerner . You're this, sometimes, obnoxious New Yorker, and being Asian, is something different for him. He is quiet and lets himself be weak, while you try to be strong and block it out, no matter what. So basically you two were complete opposites. And when you're together, well you mesh, in the sense that you give him strength where he's weak, and he gives you strength where you're weak. Like I said, perfect."
I gaped a her in awe. "Wow, Jet. That was so," I searched for the right word. "Fucking profound!"
Jet shrugged calmly but was smiling. "Of course."
"And look how you guys affect one another," she said. "He came out. He moved to New York to be with you. And you, you're here pouring your heart out."
"Yeah," I said quietly. "Yeah, I know. That's why I know I need him in my life. There is no one else like Grant."
Jet and Lawrence looked at me, not saying anything. Silently, Jet handed me a large bowl of mint ice cream and when I looked up at her she was smiling sympathetically.
"But seriously. Are you sure you don't want to take a gander at my weaponry? It's right upstairs," she sang out with a large grin.
I smiled and took the bowl from her hands, shaking my head at my crazy friend. From that point on, my summer passed insanely fast. It was always a good time with Jet and Lawrence.
I stayed at her house for the most part because we had become very close as friends. She was like another Julie. I alternated, however, with staying with David. It made us grow closer as father and son, because it was like, I was living with him and we were eating meals together. It was a great experience. I hung out with Stacey. Her brother took off traveling, which was good. I feared I would be tempted to mess around with him because of his disgustingly attractive features.
I came back to New York in early August because I wanted some time to relax at home before school started. I had a lot of stuff to do, like laundry, cleaning the house, visiting the tea house, car stuff, buying books. Sure, I wasn't ready to face Grant, but I had to do it eventually. I couldn't avoid my home forever. My grandmother missed me. Danny was back in New York as well, prepping for senior year.
Senior year. It had come so fast. I felt so old and young at the same time. The time passed so quickly. Once I graduated, I would be out in the real world, having to get a job. Wow. I just couldn't believe all this.
I was finishing my second load of laundry and putting away the clean clothes when I felt something off in the room. I turned to my door and saw Grant leaning in the doorframe. He looked thinner, as if he lost some weight, or did some serious working out. Who knows how he spent his summer? His hair was cut short, so the curls were barely visible, and his blue eyes looked tired, but they were trained directly on me.
"Hi," I said softly as I went to my closet and put away some stuff.
"You're back," Grant said.
"Have to be. Still have school left," I answered.
Grant ventured a little further in my room, probably because I hadn't bitten his head off.
"How was your summer?" he asked.
"It was good. It was nice to see Julie and Danny and California was fun. Oh and get this, I ran into Doug!" I said smiling. "It was a total coincidence. He's friends with Julie. They're, like, working together or something."
"Doug?" Grant asked quietly, looking, strained.
"Yeah, I felt so bad when he left, but he's doing really well. He's loving LA, he's into his clothing stuff, and he's seeing someone. So it's all good."
"Texas was fun. It always is," I paused and laughed. Grant looked at me confusedly. "Sorry. I just never thought I'd say Texas is always fun." I laughed again. "Crazy."
"I'm glad you had a good time," Grant said.
I looked at him. "I hope you had a good summer."
"It was ok," he said vaguely. "The usual. Working out, chilling. I got a job."
"Where?"
"At the sex museum."
I smirked. "Really?"
Grant smiled. "Hey, just as a desk person in the gift shop, bag check area. No big deal. But the people are cool."
I nodded.
There was silence as I continued sorting my laundry into piles: pants, shirts, underwear. I felt nervous and had to keep busy. I focused intently on putting my clothes away and then decided I should clean some more. Hence, I came to the conclusion that my blankets and sheets should be cleaned as well.
"Umm, I'll be moving in a week. I managed to get housing," Grant interrupted my cleaning craze.
"Oh," I said.
I balled my comforter up and didn't realize Grant was beside me. He grasped my wrist gently.
"Pete."
I looked up at him, questioningly.
"Do you want," he hesitated.
"Yeah?" I asked curiously.
"Do you want to have dinner later?" he finally blurted out. He looked at me and let go of my wrist. "I mean, umm, you know, after you clean and stuff. I mean, do your laundry. I, well, I was gonna go for a run and shower, so maybe tonight,"
"Grant."
He stopped rambling and looked at me.
"Dinner is fine."
His face lit up and his eyes didn't look so tired anymore. I couldn't help smiling slightly.
"Italian?" he suggested. "Little Italy?"
"Perfect," I replied.
We shared one last smile before I continued fighting with my laundry and he went off for his run.
Grant smiled at me fondly and I looked at him.
"What?" I asked between a large mouthful of bread slathered with butter.
"It just brings back memories of our dates in Texas. You stuffing your face with butter and bread. You gross little pig," he teased.
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever," I said reaching for another slice of bread and slathering it with butter. His smile only grew as he continued to watch me.
"I missed you," Grant murmured softly.
I was so busy chewing and enjoying my artery clogging snack that I didn't hear him.
"Hmm?" I mumbled. "What was that?" I asked after I swallowed. "Seriously, I didn't hear you. The butter was sloshing around in my mouth."
He looked down at his hands.
"I miss you Pete. Like crazy," Grant said looking at me, his eyes sparkling with hope.
I licked my lips and bit on them.
"I miss you too," I finally said.
"You still love me?"
I smiled. "Always and forever, curly."
He smiled. "Can we?" he paused, "Can we try this again?" he asked quietly.
I paused and avoided his eyes, fiddling with the tablecloth. I remembered Doug's words, that I shouldn't be afraid and should take a chance.
I looked into his eyes, which were pleading with mine.
"Yes," I answered.
"Really?" Grant asked with excitement. "Pete, I love you. I swear, I promise I'll never look at another guy again. Only you. I love you!"
I smiled and looked around. "Calm down Grant," and he looked at me sheepishly. "I love you too, but this time, we have to do things right."
"What do you mean?" he asked with confusion.
I took a deep breath, trying to gather all my thoughts.
"Ok, here's how I see it," I began. "Ever since we met back in Texas, everything happened kind of fast. We went from me tutoring you to being friends, then having sex, and then sorta dating on the sly. Then we broke up and then you came to New York and ever since then we've been kinda inseparable. We went to school together, we lived together, even though you technically lived in the dorms your first semester. We even hung out with my friends and family together!" I exclaimed. "We were an us', but not Pete and Grant'," I said. "Do you know what I'm saying?" I asked looking at him.
Grant nodded slowly.
"And I think that was our problem, from the very beginning. We rushed into something serious, and we were so young and inexperienced- you and me. We became this married couple without really truly taking the time to date and have that `Ooh, he likes me, how can I keep him interested' period. And although you didn't mean to cheat, maybe deep down you felt you had to, just to get it out of your system, you know?"
Grant opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. I was on a roll and nothing was going to stop me.
"Maybe you lost a sense of who you were, being with me all the time. And being with that other guy gave you a sense of freedom and in a way, you were doing something for yourself and on your own, without me, as weird as that sounds," I said, really getting into it now.
"Back to the main point. If we get back together, we have to do things right. By that, I mean we have to have our own lives and not be together 24/7. So, still live in the dorms, make friends with your roommate, bring him along if we go out with Danny. Keep your job and get me cool sex books from there," I said grinning and Grant smiled. "Make lots of friends, develop your own interests, make friends with similar interests. Just don't make out with them," I added and Grant looked down.
"We need to be individuals, no matter what. I admit, you left everything behind for me and I can't even imagine what that is like. So you came out here all alone, and then I kind of took you under my wing and protected you and shielded you from everything, maybe even suffocated you a bit. But that was never my intention at all."
"If we have our own lives, then we won't be tempted to stray, you or me. Well, theoretically, that is. Then we can truly appreciate the other. This is it. You and me. Either we're in it forever or not at all. We can't keep breaking up and then getting back together because that means we're not really meant to be, you know?" I asked, taking a deep breath as I finished my spiel.
Grant took a moment to process everything I said, but then looked at me intently and nodded.
"I understand completely," he said earnestly. "Take it slow, build the trust, create a solid foundation, instead of slam, bam, we're married." He grinned.
"Exactly," I stated. "Slow it will be. Live separately. Go out on old fashioned dates. No non-stop sex marathons," I smirked.
"Kill joy," Grant muttered, but was smiling as he said it. He perked up in his seat and leaned forward eagerly. "So it this considered our first date?"
I laughed and thought about it. "Yeah sure, why not?"
"Is kissing allowed on the first date?" he grinned.
"Hmm, I guess that would be alright," I drawled out, pretending to think it over. "Yeah, but that's it. No groping. No sex. Nothing that will cause any bodily fluid to expel."
Grant burst into giggles and I smiled.
"Jeez Pete. You're so graphic. This taking it slow will be hard to do. Just you talking alone makes me hard," he said shaking his head.
"I'm a man of many talents, whether it's physical or through my powers of speech," I said leaning back on my chair with a smug look.
"Still conceited as ever."
"You know it," I said pointing at him with my finger. I eyed him leeringly, taking in his stunning features. "But on second thought," I licked my lips suggestively and Grant instantly started blushing. I laughed. We had been together for so long, one would have thought I wouldn't be able to embarrass him anymore, but that wasn't the case.
Grant became serious an clasped his hands together. "Ok, now my turn to talk."
"Shoot," I said, waiting patiently.
"On why I cheated, well there's always going to be speculation. You're trying to figure it out why, I'm trying to figure out why. I don't have a concrete, solid answer for you, but I can try to explain how it happened and spun out of control, ok?"
I nodded.
"Like you said, it was new for me and it gave me a chance to be with someone who didn't know everything about me and it was freeing in a way. But the truth is that the guy was new, and fun, and flirty, and interested. I always told myself we would be just friends, but then I got swept away in our hang outs and having someone outside of our little circle, and before I knew it, we crossed the line. We kissed and, and um, other stuff," he said glancing at me. He didn't need to explain. We both knew what that other stuff was.
"And I think you have the right idea about us having separate lives. While you were away for the summer, I dated a bit. Not Thomas, but I went out to clubs with some friends from work, and had the occasional drink or dinner with a guy, but nothing else," he quickly added. "But I let myself be free and explore like you suggested, without any pressure. And you're right. Once I was single and had the freedom, I didn't want to be on those dates. I mean, the guys were all fun and great, but I just didn't feel that special spark like I do with you. So I know for a fact I love you and want only you, but perhaps being locked in a tight, and too solid relationship since we were basically 18, well, subconsciously it made me start looking elsewhere for something different or new. But deep down you have to know that I love you and want to be with you. It just, well, I don't know what came over me."
I held up my hand. "Grant don't. I know. I understand," I said smiling. "I wasn't as tempted because everything was on my terms and my rules. Like you going to my school, living in my house, working in my teahouse, hanging with my friends, going to Texas with me. I didn't let you have an outside life. And that was my mistake. Not yours. No more blame or guilt, ok Grant? I'm not angry at you and I can't hate you no matter what. I love you."
Grant smiled and then looked at me. "You know, I love what we have, but it also terrifies me."
I frowned. "Huh, why?"
"You have to understand something Pete," he began and my frown deepened. "My home life, well, it's fucked up. Yours, well, you didn't get to meet David until just recently, but you had your Mom and your grandmother and your friends. And they're all supportive of you, that much is obvious to me. I could tell your mother took good care of you while she was alive. You've always had that safety net. Knowing everyone will be there for you. I don't have that. I never did," Grant said heatedly.
"David and Kelly and Blair, they were good substitutes, but not the real thing. And with Kelly, well, now it's only David and Blair, which I'm so grateful for. But it should really be my Mom and Dad supporting me. And it's not. That sucks," he stated almost angrily.
"I had to do everything on my own and it was scary as hell. Coming out? Dealing with everyone? Yeah, it was fucking scary, but I did it and did it well, if I say so."
I smiled. "I think so," I said softly. "You did it well because of the fact that you didn't have that safety net."
He nodded gratefully. "With my Mom leaving, and then my Dad and his verbal abuse and then his accident everything just went down the toilet. I felt all alone. Everyone left me, or was not there to begin with. So I have this mentality of being alone or that everyone will eventually end up leaving me, even if they say they love me. I mean, come on, a mother leaving her son? Can't get any worse than that."
"Grant," I said, but he held up his hand.
"Do you know how that feels, Pete? Meeting someone you're in love with, and then worried they'll leave you? As if there is something wrong with me, that no one ever wants to stay with me or be around me?" Grant asked, looking at his hands. "That doesn't really explain why I cheated, but, well, maybe it does a little. It's like, I'm subconsciously pushing you to leave, because I already expect it, or anticipate it, or something?" He shook his head. "I don't know. I'm confused. That makes some sense, I hope?" he asked, looking at me.
I smiled and nodded. "It does. And even if it didn't, well, the mind works in mysterious ways, so I can understand how you sort of felt."
Grant smiled, looking relieved, and as if a burden was lifted off his chest.
"Let's make a fresh start, yes?" I asked.
"For the second time?" Grant asked.
I smiled. "For the second time. God, you know what I just realized? You and I are a drama filled couple. How gay are we?"
Grant laughed. "We're very gay."
"Oh shit," I groaned. "We have to man up." I growled for effect and he laughed at me.
Grant took my hand across the table and held it gently, rubbing my knuckles. I stopped smiling and looked at his action, before gazing into his eyes.
"So I know we're planning on taking this slow," I began, "But I have something to ask you?"
"Sure."
"I went to Texas over the summer and Jet and Lawrence had gotten engaged. The week before I left, Lawrence popped the question."
His eyebrows shot up. "Really? Wow! They're going to make it official."
"Well, they have been together forever," I said shrugging. "But that's sweet."
"It is," Grant said rubbing my fingers.
"Anyway," I said shaking my head. "After they graduate they plan to get married pretty quickly. They want something small and you know how low maintenance Jet is. And I was wondering if you'd be my plus one?" I asked.
Grant smiled broadly. "I'd love to be your plus one."
I laughed. "I knew that, actually, but thought I'd ask anyway."
Grant shook his head. "You cocky little shit."
"You love it," I shot back.
"I love you," Grant corrected.
"Right back at you," I said squeezing his hand.
END
I enjoyed writing this story so much and I appreciate everyone who wrote to me and I'm sorry if I didn't respond to everyone. Thanks to Nifty for posting my story, otherwise I'd never be able to share my passion for writing with all of you. Any questions, comments, great thoughts, or anything random, feel free to email me. Thanks for reading. Peace.