Disclaimer: This is a slow love story and not a fast fuck one. If this isn't to your liking, please don't bother reading. This story contains sexual acts between two males. If it offends you, then X out. Any comments or questions, email me and I'll try to respond promptly.
Chapter 10
"I can't believe I'm back in this joint," I said grinning at John as he got two large mocha almond blended drinks, for free, of course. I don't think he was supposed to get them for free, but the barista dude was mad tight with John and was like, what the fuck, why not.
God damn, I loved free goods. This is why you make tons of friends.
"What? In this café or Princeton in general?" John asked licking whipped cream from the straw.
I smiled. "Both. The summer passed way too quickly. I am not ready to be back in school. And it's only our second year. We have plenty more to get through."
"Missing your man?" John asked knowingly. "How is your male model of a man?" he asked jokingly.
I sighed, instantly thinking of Gray's face. "He's doing well. Of course I miss him, too," I sighed again. "Another tough semester to get through, without him. Constantly thinking of him and who he's with."
"Oh no," John groaned. "I guess I'll have to be taking you out all the time in order to not have you moping around like some loser."
"Hey!" I protested, then paused. "I can't help it," I whined.
"You are such a girl, Kevin!" John teased. "Doesn't it suck to have such a serious relationship so young? Don't you want to explore? Even a little bit?"
I thought about it. "I don't know," I said slowly. "I guess. I know we're at that age where we date a new person every month, but I love Gray. He's wonderful and I happened to meet him in high school, which is bad timing, but we can work through it. Hopefully."
I looked at John. "When you meet someone you're in love with, you're willing to make sacrifices."
"True," John said slowly as he sipped his drink. "I need to find me a man."
My eyes lit up.
"Oh no. What's with that face?" John asked, tensing up and backing away.
"We should find you a guy!" I whispered excitedly.
"No," John said firmly. "I don't do blind dates."
"It doesn't necessarily have to be a blind date," I stressed. "But we could find you someone cool and sorta hang out as a group, until eventually, it dwindles down to just the two of you."
"No."
"John, come on!" I pleaded. "It would be fun. Even if nothing works out, it will be fun dating. Imagine all the fun times you could have, potential friends you could make, or even, funny as hell stories to tell while you're hanging out with friends, ahem, me!" I exclaimed.
John burst out laughing. "It seems you're more excited about this than me."
"What kinda guys do you go for? Do you have a specific type? Like tall, tan or some eye color?" I went on.
"Kevin," John sighed. "I'm not doing this." I looked at him innocently. "What am I doing? I'm just making conversation. Can't a friend ask what kinda guys you go for?"
John studied me. "You are freakishly," he paused searching for the right word. "Manipulative."
I pretended to be offended. "I am not!"
"Fine," he folded his arms. "I'll humor you, since we're friends," he took a breath. "I don't have a type. I guess I like nice smiles and nice eyes. Nice eyes in that the smile reaches their eyes or lights up their face. I go more for personality. If a hot dude doesn't have anything to back it up, I'm out," John stated firmly. "I like people with brains; with an opinion, and who can laugh, joke, make fun of themselves, and basically have a good time. Oh and guy who is responsible. He can party but has to know when to stop and focus on what's important."
"Whoa," I said. "I should have brought a pad and a pen. No wonder you're single!" I joked.
John rolled his eyes. "So I have standards. I'm not gonna settle for some college idiot who gets wasted, sticks his dick in any hole possible, and flunks out of school. I go for guys with quality." He looked at me. "And you're one to talk. I bet Gray matches my description, which shows, you don't go for losers either."
"Can't argue with that," I said. "Finding you a guy might prove tougher than I initially expected."
"Kevin!" John nearly screeched. "No set ups."
"Ok."
"I'm serious."
"Ok."
"I'm serious."
"I'm not deaf," I said cheekily.
"No, but you're planning something," John accused.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I said focusing on my drink.
"I hate you," he said.
"You love me," I winked. John still looked disgruntled so I chucked some whip cream in his direction.
"I won't set you up with anyone, ok," I promised. "But that doesn't mean I won't be on the look out for someone awesome and then accidentally introduce the two of you. That's what friends are for, right?" I stressed.
"Yeah," he said in resignation.
"Glad you're seeing it my way," I said grinning.
"What have I done?" John muttered to himself, causing me to laugh.
It looked like the new school year could be more fun than I expected.
"Kevin, I am going to kill your ass," John hissed through the phone. "I'm gonna kick it so hard, you'll be flying over to China for free!"
It was the middle of October and since things have officially settled down, as in we all got into the routine of our classes and workload, things were easier to handle. Which meant I suddenly had lots of time to find John dates.
However, the means through which I found John dates thoroughly got my friend pissed off at me.
I had always heard about dating sites and for fun, wanted to try Match.com. I just wanted to see what was there and what kind of people did online dating. Plus, it was six months for free! There was no harm in trying it out.
When John found out I had created a profile for him and had lined up several dates for him, he was livid.
"I don't date guys from the internet!" he said frowning.
"They're cool guys. Trust me, I have weeded out the weirdos and these guys are genuine," I insisted.
"You're taking this too far, Kev. I understand you're bummed about missing Gray and somehow have taken it upon yourself to set me up, but I don't need this!" he ranted.
"Come on, at least give it a try. It was free and looked like fun," I said.
"For you!" he shot back.
"Maybe you can get a free meal out of it," I said.
"Yeah, well, it better be plain old chivalry, because I'm not doing anything on a blind date," John said.
"Hey now! I wouldn't make you out to sound like some whore bag. Have some faith. And fun."
John was more pissed than I anticipated and had ignored me for one week. It was hard for him to ignore me longer than that because I stalked him at the café and eventually wore him down.
Which is why, at this very moment, John was on his third date this week!
Apparently, he was getting stressed.
"Aw, how nice of you," I quipped about his comment. "I always wanted to head back to the motherland," I joked.
John did not find it funny.
"Shit, Kevin. We met and said hi, but he knows my name and everything and I totally forgot his!" John said.
"What?" I asked with shock. "How did you forget his name? No one`s that stupid," I said more to myself than him.
"I'm having a mental block or something!" John said frantically. "I had no sleep and tons of work and school and right now, I'm drawing a blank. He's cool and everything and I don't want to insult him. Help me, shit head. I'm in this mess because of you, ass face."
I snorted. "Ok, but you don't have to call me names," I paused. "Bitch."
"Kevin," he growled.
"Ok, ok, hold up. Let me log in to your account," I said clicking some keys on my laptop.
"Hurry. He's on his cell, talking to his Dad. He'll be back soon," John said urgently.
"I'm on it!" I said, my fingers flying over the keyboard, getting to the designated website. Thank God for good internet access. Within seconds, I had logged into John's account and was quickly searching through the guys I had selected for him.
"What does he look like?" I asked.
"Tall, thin, light brown hair, blue eyes," John said quickly.
"That's like every guy on this page," I said. "Hold up," I said, whipping out my cell and taking a picture of the guy on my computer screen and sending a picture message to John, with the name Russell underneath it, with a question mark. "Let me know if this is him?"
Thirty seconds later I heard a cheer. "Kevin, you are a lifesaver!"
"I try," I smirked. "All good now?"
"Yeah, he's coming back. Call you later, bye!" Click.
I grinned and shook my head. "All in a day," I sighed to myself, whipping open my Japanese literature book and skimming over the chapters.
Later that evening, John stopped by and told me all about his date. Russell was fun and there was a lot to talk about, but their wasn't that spark. They clicked as friends, but not on a romantic level.
"I didn't feel butterflies or giddy or blush or anything. He's really hot and has brains and personality, but it was missing something," he explained.
"I get it," I said, tossing my books on the bed. "Either you feel it or you don't."
John laughed, "But thanks for helping me out before, about the forgotten name," he chuckled. "I felt all high-tech, like in some movie, where you send me things via the cell phone and such."
I laughed as well. "Totally. I was furiously tapping those keys and bringing up profiles and pictures and then talking to you. Very Mission Impossible."
"Or James Bond."
"I don't know about that. Neither of us are that suave. Especially you, you dork. If you were like Bond, you would have somehow gotten his wallet and figured out his name," I snorted.
John grabbed my pillow off my bed and smacked me so hard I fell onto the floor.
"Bitch!"
"I am so full," I groaned, rubbing my aching stomach.
"Serves you right. No one asked you to eat ten meals in one sitting, you ass," John snorted biting into a piece of chocolate.
I grinned. "Thanks for trick or treating with me and Teddy," I said as I fiddled with my pizza crust that I was too full to stuff in. Combined, John and I had eaten seven pizza slices. After taking Teddy everywhere to get candy, I was starving.
"No problem. It was fun. Teddy is a real character," John said.
I glanced into the living room where Teddy was making carpet angels in his huge pile of candy. Whatever candy John and I had collected, we had given to him. He was making squeals of delight. I chuckled.
"You know, I am so full right now, so stuff, that I don't think I can move."
"Poor baby," John rolled his eyes.
"I think if I tried to stand up and walk around, my stomach would flop down, like to my ankles. Like a cow. You know cows have their udders. Moo," I said.
John looked at me and shook his head. "I don't get you, you sicko."
"If I had trouble walking outside with my hanging stomach fat, like, down to my ankles, would you help me carry it?" I asked with a pleading expression.
"What?" he asked in disbelief. "Gross!"
"Is that a no?" I asked sticking out my bottom lip. "I thought we were mad tight. You wouldn't do that for me? I'd carry your stomach fat, if you needed me to."
"This line of questioning is weird," John said.
"Answer the question!"
"Fine!" John paused. "Only if we never speak of it. To anyone," he said gravely.
I stared at my friend and slowly smiled. "You are such a good friend!" I shouted.
He grinned and started howling with laughter. "Your reaction was hysterical!"
Teddy walked into the kitchen grinning happily. "What's all the noise?" he asked looking up at me. I smiled down at the child, fondly eyeing his cute clown appearance. He still had on face paint and if possible, he was even more adorable.
I bent down and picked him up by his armpits and he made little puppy noises, swinging his arms and legs. I plopped him onto my lap and mussed his hair.
"Is any of your candy left or did you eat it all, little piggy?" I asked rubbing my fist down his sides, kissing his cheeks.
Teddy laughed and squirmed. "Yes."
"Yes, you ate it all?"
"No," he sang out.
"No you didn't eat it all?" I asked.
The small boy nodded, his bright hazel eyes trained on me.
"Oh my little cupcake," I murmured pinching his cheeks.
"Me gives Mommy candy," Teddy said looking up at me.
"Aww, aren't you so sweet?" I cooed. I nodded at John to follow me and the three of us moved into the living room. "Will you share candy with me?"
Teddy nodded. "Me loves Kevin."
I laughed and John smiled. "Me loves Teddy," I said poking the boy's belly. Teddy smiled widely and snuggled into my lap.
"He is so cute," John.
"I know," I said placing Teddy on the floor. He started arranging his candy around.
"This for Mommy," he said looking at me with wide eyes. I noticed he had set aside my Mom's favorite, peanut butter cups. "This for you's," he said sweetly, holding up several mini Snickers bars.
"Thank you sweet pea," I said hugging him gently.
I looked up to find John smiling at me and staring intently.
I looked at him questioningly as I returned the smile, while hugging Teddy.
"You brought TV dinners?" I asked laughing at Gray.
He shrugged. "We can't spend real Thanksgiving day together and won't be together for a bit, so I figured we could have some resemblance of a Thanksgiving meal together- turkey, potatoes, peas, and pumpkin pie," he said holding up a container of pie.
"You are so sweet O'Neal," I said kissing his lips. "Get over here and let me ravage you," I said throwing him onto my bed, climbing on top of him, shoving my tongue inside his mouth.
Gray groaned and his hands wandered along my ass and back.
"God, I need you Kevin. I feel so horny. Fuck me," he panted.
I looked at him and smiled, caressing his hot cheek. "I'd love to."
I reached down to pull off his sweats and grinned when I saw he wasn't wearing any boxers underneath. He smiled at me.
"Easy access baby," he quipped and I laughed, gently kissing his thigh.
Gray groaned. "Hurry. I need you so bad. I am dying for this."
I reached for a condom and lube, which I had handy beside me, knowing we'd be having a nonstop sex marathon, like last Thanksgiving break.
I sheathed a condom over myself and quickly lubed up, before slipping a finger inside him firmly.
He gasped and arched his back.
"You ok angel?"
He nodded. "More! I can take it."
I eased a second finger, then a third and a bit of my pinky before Gray whimpered with impatience.
Finally, I stood up and slowly teased his hole with the tip of my cock and he growled at me.
"You bitch!"
I chuckled and positioned my cock at his hole. "Push out baby."
"Excited for winter break?" John asked. "I can tell your head is already in the clouds," he teased as I was off in La-La land. I glared at him and he looked at me. "What?"
"I was getting to the good part in my daydream," I said folding my arms, the memory of Gray taking my cock leaving my mind. Damn John!
"I bet," he winked. "Oh come on," he cajoled when I frowned at him. "You have one last final and then you're booking it home. You can be with your man then. Jeez."
"I know. I am so excited to see him," I said.
"I can tell. You're always excited to see him," John said.
I cocked my head at him, but didn't comment. "You know, we should all hang out as a group over break. You, my Princeton best friend, Bill my childhood best friend, Gray, and Cara," I added as an afterthought. "Bill's someone or something. I don't know all the details on that. They went on dates, hanging out, but nothing official, I don't think," I clarified.
"Ok," John said with a faint smile. "Sure."
"Awesome," I said.
Well, that was easier said than done.
Winter break came and I had my happy, sex filled reunion with Gray, but Gray having a tendency to be as jealous as I am, wasn't too eager to meet John, so I wasn't going to push the issue. If it made him that uncomfortable, well, I'd have to respect him.
I talked with Bill and he and Cara were making it official. They were definitely boyfriend and girlfriend now and I was happy for my two friends. Cara was a lot cooler than I had previously thought, since she was no longer throwing herself at me. Now I could see her for who she was and she had a sharp personality and witty humor. The four of us would often get together and have a good time.
My relationship with Gray was going well, but not the strongest, because we each had our own insecurities. Yet it was good, but as they say, all good things come to an end. It was the law of physics- what goes up, must come down. So in that sense, something good happened, something phenomenal, then nothing else can compare to it, which makes the next thing that happens something bad.
That's how it went with me and Gray.
Things took an abrupt turn and started going downhill. It didn't unravel instantaneously, but it surely did.
It started over winter break, about mid-way through, when I was out getting some food at the mall and spotted Gray in the food court.
With a girl.
Not a friend that was a girl, but a girl who was flirty and all over him. Similar to how Cara was around me, was the best way to describe it. Gray was all shy and embarrassed as usual, but he wasn't exactly pushing her away either.
I was shocked and rooted to the spot. I really wanted to run and call Bill or something, but again, my feet were glued on the tiles.
Gray looked up and his eyes made their way to me, as if we had some kind of magnetic connection. His eyes widened and I saw guilt in them, which was enough to knock me out of my stupor. I whirled around quickly and walked briskly to the nearest entrance.
I heard some commotion behind me, but didn't turn to look. I had to get out of there.
Once outside the mall, I ran to the deck furiously and nearly chucked myself into my car. I started the engine and in under a second was out of there. I caught a glimpse of Gray in my rearview mirror, but there was no way he'd catch up and there was no way I'd be slowing down.
Driving home, I felt distracted and felt an ache in my stomach which traveled to my chest and I had the urge to cry, but somehow was in too much shock to manage that. I mechanically and robotically went to a drive- thru and picked up some sandwiches and salads and other junk for Teddy and my Mom.
Then I went home, feeling too empty and hollow to go anywhere else. Not that I had anywhere else to be.
I walked in and Teddy ran up to me with a huge smile. "Food!" he half cheered and half asked, holding up his little arms. He brought a smile to my face, in spite of my emotions, and I brought the bags into the kitchen, placing them on the table. Then I picked him up and plopped him in a chair, so he could rifle through the bags.
"Kevin, you ok?" my Mom asked reading my expression.
I sighed. "I guess. I'm going to my room."
"Ok," she said looking at me oddly. She slowly joined Teddy in the kitchen, but glanced back at me several times.
This is why I loved my mother. She wasn't the meddling type; she asked me questions and let me sort out my own issues and if need be, I'd come to her. I was an adult now, I could handle my life, but I knew she was there for me in the background. I was grateful for her parenting style at this moment.
I went to my room and flopped into my bed, covering myself with my big cushy blanket, no longer feeling hungry. All I could see was Gray laughing and smiling at that girl.
What was he doing with a girl? Sure she could be just a friend, but still! Couldn't he have said something to me or given me a heads up? I thought that was the point of a relationship. Maybe I jumped to conclusions, but what else was I supposed to think? Did Gray suddenly go for fish or some shit?
I groaned and slammed my eyelids shut, trying to force myself to fall asleep.
I must have accomplished my goal, because I suddenly felt myself being shaken by my mother.
"Kevin, you sleeping?"
"Not anymore."
She smiled. "Dumb question. Got it. Well, you've been out for like an hour and Gray just stopped by. I said you weren't feeling well, but he said he wanted to talk to you. Think you can handle that?" she asked. There was a double meaning in her words. I knew she'd turn him away if I asked her to, but she was clearly leaving the decision in my hands.
I sighed and stared at the ceiling. What do I do?
"Yeah, fine," I said. "Give me a minute."
"Will do," she smiled gently, leaving my room.
Ten minutes later, I composed myself enough to go downstairs and talk with him. I spotted him in the living room, acting like a mule to Teddy, carrying him around the room on his back, while Teddy laughed and sipped on a juice box.
"Faster!" Teddy cried.
Gray spotted me and his smile faded. "Not too fast Teddy. Getting old here," he said to Teddy.
As if on cue, my mother stepped in and scooped Teddy into her arms with a groan. "Whew, you getting big, baby boy."
Teddy laughed and squirmed. "Stinky!"
"And you're stinky," my mother teased. "Bath time for you munchkin."
Teddy giggled and waved to us, as he kicked his legs, hitting my mom in the stomach at one point.
Gray and I both watched until they were out of eyesight and then we finally looked at one another. In the eye. Point blank.
"Who's the girl?" I asked cutting to the chase.
He bowed his head. "A family friend. Her parents are separated and she lived with her Mom but was having issues with her stepfather and stepsiblings, so she moved with her Dad and transferred schools. We were just catching up."
"That's all?"
"That's all," he said, but the way he hesitated had my antenna up.
"Give it up," I ordered firmly, in no mood for bullshit. I fell onto the couch, my legs wide open, not looking inviting.
Gray sensed it and took a seat in a chair to the side of me.
"She's a family friend, but I get the vibe my parents are trying to set me up with her," he said slowly.
My eyes widened. "What?" I nearly screeched.
Gray rubbed his eyes. "They didn't say that exactly, but the way they said it, with little excited smiles. They really like her and she's a nice girl. I guess they're trying to set me up, since I haven't been in a relationship in a long time."
"You are in a relationship," I pointed out.
He looked at me. "One they know about."
"Maybe it's time to tell them," I said sharply.
"I can't," he said automatically. "I'm not ready to do that."
"Well, I'm not going to have my heart stepped on and my gut punched, every time you're hanging with her," I stated. I clenched my jaw. I didn't like where this was heading, but I had to stick to my guns. I wasn't going to settle and be one of those pining, pathetic losers. Kevin Lee, was better than all that shit.
Gray ran his fingers through his hair.
I was breathing heavily and staring at him, waiting for him to talk.
"Nothing is going on between me and her," he finally said. "So there's no reason to get mad. We're just friends, hanging out."
"Is she going to try to kiss you or give you head?" I sneered. "As I recall, you have no problems getting it up for a girl. Should I expect little mini-Gray's running around anytime soon within the next year?"
Gray stood up. "That's not fair!" he exclaimed.
"It's not fair to me either, having to sit back and watch you flirt with a girl just to please your parents!" I yelled. "Don't you care about how I feel?"
"Of course I do, but my parents are a big deal to me. I don't know what would happen! I could lose everything! My family, means for an education, financial support, everything. You're already settled, with just your Mom and Bill. I don't have the same thing!"
I sighed and hung my head. "you're right. I get that, I do. But come on, how far will this go? How often are you going to see her? How long are you going to pretend to date her? How long are you going to fool your parents?"
"I don't have the answers!" Gray cried out. "I don't know. This was our first time out. Just eating at the mall. Nothing too romantic about that, by the way," he pointed out. "I can't think that far ahead because nothing has happened."
"Yet," I said darkly. "Only a matter of time. When you see how much more convenient it is to be with her, and slowly feel attracted to her, you and I are over."
"No," Gray said moving closer. "I love you."
"Until that love becomes too difficult for you and your life," I said evenly. I folded my arms, defiantly, challenging him silently.
Gray backed away and stared at me in shock. "I can't believe you said that."
"It's the truth and you know it," I shot back feeling angry. "For someone who is scared and in the closet, and has something to lose, convenience can mean a lot."
"You think that low of me?" he asked, sounding hurt.
"Let me ask you this: if you parents ask you to date her throughout winter break, would you?" I asked. "Would you lie to me and tell me you're busy, but meanwhile go out with her, night after night, after night?" my voice grew louder.
"Fuck, I don't know," he muttered. "I don't know. Maybe. Shit, I don't know."
"Well, that's all there is to it, then," I murmured my eyes filling with tears which only increased my anger. If anything, I didn't want to cry in front of Gray. I didn't want to show him my weakness; how pathetic I was.
"What does that mean?"
"Maybe we should take a break," I started, a pain developing in my chest.
"No."
"Gray, seriously-"
"No," he said firmly. "We're staying together. We can figure this out; we can work this out. There's nothing going on with me and Sherry. I'm not breaking up with you over nothing. I love you."
I ground my teeth together in annoyance. "So when it becomes something, you'll tell me so I can dump you?"
Gray's eyes flashed.
"Or maybe you'll string me along and lie to me," I finished. "Noble."
"Kevin, stop it! There's no reason to act like this!"
"If the situation was reversed, you'd be just as mad. Admit it. Own up to it, O'Neal," I said in a low voice. "I'm entitled to my feelings, ok? I love you, too, but I'm not going to be the other guy and get stepped over. That's not what I'm about and if you expect me to be that way, then you don't really love me at all, do you?"
He held up his hand. "I get it," he sighed. "And you're right, ok?"
"I'm really pissed and need time to process all this. Get out," I said.
"What?"
"I need to be alone and think," I went on.
"Kevin," he said in a soft voice.
"Gray please," I said quietly. "We're still together, it's just, I need to think. I trust you, but I worry about our future and what's going to happen and if we can communicate and figure things out. My thoughts or whatever will pass, but I need to get it out of my system, you know?"
"Fine," he nodded. "I love you," he said coming over and kissing my cheek gently. "It was my mistake for not telling you. I'll tell you from now on, ok? Everything. I promise."
"Ok." I watched him leave and sighed heavily before moving to the kitchen and shoving a bunch of fries into my mouth.
Soothing.
"So what should I do?" I asked Bill. I had called him to talk, but sounded so upset, he ended up walking over to my house late that evening.
I made him some hot chocolate and we sat in my living room talking. I always turned to Bill whenever I needed to talk.
"Nothing you can do. So far nothing has happened, so why bother getting all worked up?" Bill countered. "I know you like to jump ahead and anticipate something. It's smart to be on the lookout, but let's not get all hasty now or whatever. Just see what happens and act accordingly when the time comes. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself crazy."
"But if he goes out with this girl again, like a lot more in the near future, I should break up, right?"
"Oh definitely," Bill said instantly. "No way you should put up with that shit. Like his dirty secret. Fuck no," he snorted.
I felt relieved; he knew how I felt; I wasn't being totally irrational. Sometimes I had my doubts.
"I don't want to break up though," I said feeling sad again. "I really love him."
"I know Kev. But when it comes down to doing the right thing and protecting yourself, well, you have to do what's necessary. Believe me, sticking it out with him while he plays the straight and narrow for his parents, it will eventually get old and only hurt you in the process," Bill advised. "Sometimes, love isn't enough; love doesn't solve all."
"I know, I know."
I was lost in my thoughts.
Bill cleared his throat and I looked at him.
"Good talk, good talk," he grinned, trying to lighten the mood.
I smiled. "Yeah, thanks."
He raised his mug of hot chocolate, "Anytime."