Hi everyone! You can now have access to some of my feelings. The story is a fiction, but many elements from my life are and will be in it. I think there is no need for a disclaimer, since you know what are you allowed to read and what not, and that of course this story is my property...
Please send me feedback. Your feedback will keep this story going.
Marcos
****************************************************************************** Triangle By Marcos Rojas
Did you ever feel useless and lonely in your life? I mean lonely as hell, close to turning mad because of lack of human touch and love? If not that makes me a freak I guess. But it can't be only me feeling like this. It's just not possible.
Have you ever had the feeling of not wanting to live any more, like the next day isn't even part of your life? Because you simply refuse it as being part of it... A time where you say enough, I want to get out of this, I can't take this any longer?
Well I did, and let me tell you I still do. And yes, as you guessed it, it has pretty good reasons. I'm lonely. Period. Just like that. I am sooo lonely. Nobody wants me. Yesterday I went to take a walk. Clever people say nature helps you to find your inner peace and harmony. Yeah right! What do you think I saw? Okay, besides the trees and bushes and benches? Maybe all the hormone influenced teenagers kissing around, making out, touching each other under their shirts and breathing just so heavily as if the park would have turned into their private bedroom. Okay, so they are young I said. It's their time, they should be in love and discover their bodies etc. etc.
So what do you think I see next? A couple of old people walking around holding hands!!! They are so content, even the little ugly fat dog look at me and gives me this "you poor lonely shit!" look. I have to stop! Great! Now what to do? Again the good old self convincing stuff, right? They have lived their entire life together, right? I mean it is just natural to live like this! They have their kids and maybe even grandchildren! So they are on the right track as they say.
Still nervous, I resume my walk and what do you think happens next? Something that seemed to be like hundreds of sparrows cross my way. Some of them land on the ground and make their typical dance, and hop in a second the male is on the female and they fuck like... like sparrows!!! Hey, this is sooo unbelievable! Even these ugly birds get a mate! Even they fuck around without having problems! And that in front of my lonely eyes!!! I hate myself for accepting this lifestyle of mine. I should have forced myself to act straight! By now I could have found some pretty and dumb girl to share my life with. She would cook and clean, and every night we would fuck, make 5 children, and spend the weekends together and celebrate birthdays and so on and so forth. Why do I have to be gay?
That was definitely it! A walk in the park can help me feel better! Of course! How about getting more depressed than I was? I choose answer b. That's it, I'm going home!
It's 7 pm. Closing the door I start my player, you see I have the remote control at the entrance, so that I can kill the silence of my flat. It is a really nice one. See, money is no problem for me. My parents are quite loaded. I can afford a flat in the center of Zurich. That is something important, as it can get really expensive from time to time. I really did fall in love with this city. Actually I love warm countries, and the summer residence of my parents down in Spain is the place to stay. Of course this is the reason they stay there! I need my time out. Of course we talk to each other almost daily, since I am my parent's pet. And that really doesn't bother me! Why should it? No one ever calls me and at least once a day the phone rings. Okay, there are some calls from people who want to do this or that kind of research, and I spend dozens of minutes answering their questions. Don't ask me why I'm doing it. I'm just doing it. Another habit of mine is to walk bare footed around the flat. You see even during the wintertime I have floor heating. It was a fantasy of mine making love on the floor. Now I ask myself who should I do it? Masturbating at my age is quite boooooring. I mean I'm 23. Still a virgin. Why? Well, first of all blame me. No, blame my parents, they showed me this brave-boy way of life. So I accepted everything they ever told me. Don't get me wrong, it was okay, I got over some pretty bad things thanks to their education, but having feelings towards a boy was just too much. Or just kissing around for fun was too childish. It had to be with the BIG one! So bottom-line, I'm here, 23 years old, still a virgin without any contact at all.
19:30 I wonder how it feels to kiss a guy. Probably very good. Hmm, to feel someone's body heat! Oh no, I'm getting horny again! I really don't want to take care of that specific problem of mine. I hate my old videos, and thoughts don't turn me on any more. It is like a routine you see, I have to shower, to go to shower, to go to the office and to jerk off. It is part of the daily routine. It would be embarrassing to have wet dreams... At 23 I guess it would be more than embarrassing.
19:40 I still don't want to take care of this erection! I know little Rob has his mind of his own, but I am a human being, so I can overcome my instincts! Cause this is what makes the difference! We are human, aren't we? Me too! Surprisingly...
19:45 Now where is that bloody site in the history??? I need some fresh porn! Now! Why can't I find anything in the right moment? Damn, this erection hurt!
19:50 Bloody hell, I have to download straight porn, it is faster. I hate chicks screaming around but guys cumming is a real turn on for me! Come on! Come on! You can do it! Why does it take so long? Finally!
19:55 Oh yeah great, this is so good. God, I'm such an animal!!! Oh ho! I can't take it any longer! Shiiiiiit! Oooh, aaah, huh! Well, I'm done now! Still shaking a bit...DAMN! The paper! I have printed it today! Not again! Why do I have to shoot on the desk all the time??? Now who the hell is calling? Hi Mom! Nothing, just evening stuff. Why am I so out of breath? Ahm, well, ooh, you see I was walking and the stair house, I didn't take the elevator! Keeps me fit! What? No, nothing special happened! All the same! Yeah, the classes tomorrow! No, I'll be down in Rome in the weekend, A conference you know... Yeah exactly, that one! They will present these new discoveries about the CD1 system, exactly my field of study! No, of course I will! But Mother, it isn't too cold in Rome you know! Yes I will take care of myself. No, but hey, there is tomorrow too, we'll talk till then. Gotta go, the supper you know... Bye. Argh! I hate the cold cum dropping from my dick! I hate cold and colorless cum! Gotta take a shower!
20:15 Better. I really need something to eat. What do we have here in the fridge? Naw, maybe not! I'm not in the mood to eat alone.
20:17 Wonder how it feels to hire a hooker. A male hooker of course!
20:18 Okay that is definitely too much! I'm gonna throw away the Yellow Pages! Now! And bring the garbage down. That way there will be no temptation!
20:20 Am I really this kind of desperate???
20:21 Okay, I'm going now!
20:22 Here we go again! Why me? Why now? Why this? "Oh God Mr. neighbor, please don't tell my mother!" This is too much. First of all, he doesn't even know my name and even HE, this 12 years old kid has a girlfriend! And he doesn't even know MY name!!!
21:00 This movies is sooo boring... I guess it's time to go to bed... Alone again! I hate to go to bed alone! I wonder how it feels to fall asleep in somebody's arms... Hmmm, a big guy with muscles, a strong macho with me screaming "Take me now and here!" Iiiihhhh! It feels probably like sleeping with a bull, like a high speed train entering your body.
21:03 Still he has to have some muscles! I really like guys with some muscles. You know so that he can carry me or so. And he has to have blue eyes! Like the ocean or October sky or I don't know...
21:07 I wonder how much does it cost to order my own gene manipulated lover! Hmmm. I guess pretty much! And I still will have to wait for 18 years so that I can have him. Like really HAVE him. You know... Stuff...
23:59 Another damn boring movie. Now it's time to sleep. (...) I don't even have a teddy bear to hug! I hate myself!
Well, what do you think? Drop me a few lines please... Thanks.
Marcos
tulindobebito@yahoo.es