As always, if you're not supposed to be here, please leave. In other words, if men kissing, fucking, or doing anything remotely sexual offends, disgusts, or angers you then you should get out of here. This story includes sex between two men. But it is at heart, a love story. Plenty of sap, romance, and professions of love. So be warned. This work is copyrighted and may not be used without explicit permission from the author.
I'm overwhelmed by all the positive feedback I've gotten. Thank you to everyone who have sent notes and comments. They are greatly appreciated. Keep em' coming.
This chapter focuses a bit more on the past. I wanted to give Will a little more depth. So bear with me. There's plenty more of Alan too.
Comments, suggestions, complaints are all much appreciated and welcomed at grassisb@aol.com.
Enjoy, Anthony
Chapter Two - When Someone Wants to Leave"What do you mean he asked you out?"
I sighed into the phone. Leave it to Emma to take things way out of hand.
"I did not say he asked me out. He asked if I wanted to get breakfast." I said as I kicked my shoes off and collapsed on my bed.
She laughed. "Well Sis. In my world, that constitutes a date."
I smiled. "Whatever ho. You're idea of a date is blowing some guy in the back of his car."
"Don't knock it till you tried it Lukie." She practically shrieked into the phone.
"Who says I haven't." And with that I hung up. Better to leave them wanting more right?
Truth is though, Emma knew I'd never done that. She probably knew more about my sex life than I did. And let's just say that there wasn't much to talk about there.
I looked around my room and decided I didn't want to be indoors right now. I stripped down to my boxers and threw on some shorts and an old t-shirt. Grabbing my iPod, my one extravagance that I couldn't live without, I decided to go for a jog. It was late April and the weather was beautiful. I did a few stretches and started off towards the park.
Forty minutes later, panting and sweaty, I collapsed on a bench. Sitting there looking at the people passing by I thought back. Will Thompson wasn't just my first boyfriend. He was the boyfriend as far as I was concerned, back then at least. I thought about our first kiss. Our first anything.
God, I could still remember it vividly.
When my brother Pete started dating Meg Thompson two years ago, she was still living in Tennessee. He'd met her through one of his friends at a party and they hit it off. They kept the relationship long distance while she'd come visit a couple times a year and he'd go up there when he could. Last year, Meg got a job offer here and of course she jumped at the chance. She moved to Tupelo and my brother was the happiest man in the world. They spent every waking moment together making up for lost time. I was happy for him. He needed someone like Meg. She was so totally opposite from Pete and they complimented each other nicely. Where he was gruff, she was so very gentle. He was big and she was this little tiny thing. They made a great couple. Two months after Meg moved here, her mother called her one night hysterical. She was at our place and we were all watching a movie. I remember her sitting there crying into the phone listening to what he mother was telling her and not knowing what was wrong. The next day, William Thompson moved down from Memphis to live with his sister. I wouldn't learn the real reason for his moving until he told me himself two months later but I, of course, had my suspicions. Immediately, I latched onto him. I'd never dated, never kissed another boy before. I'd dreamt about it of course. Had wanted it for awhile. But no one ever came along. I wasn't really actively seeking one either so that might have had something to do with it too. My body and I, we've always had this love - hate relationship. And unfortunately that has always gotten in the way of my wanting to meet anyone. I always think I'm not good enough, not hot enough, not skinny enough. I'm not exactly sure why. I wish I could say it was because I was taunted as a child by my father telling me I was too fat. That certainly wasn't the case. I guess it was just simply a case of really bad self-esteem. So anyway, Will and I became best friends. I was in my second year at Ole Miss and he was a senior at Community College. We'd go to movies together, go fishing. We pretty much became as inseparable as Meg and Pete except we weren't having sex with each other. But oh how I wished we were. He was gorgeous. And he knew it. He worked it so well. He had a body to die for thanks to absolutely nothing but good genes. He could eat anything he wanted and never gain a pound. He had dark black hair and the greenest eyes I'd ever seen. His smile could melt the polar ice caps. One night we went out to some bar in Jackson to see a band he liked. I was the designated driver so I stuck to diet cokes. He, on the other hand, was wasted by the time we were ready to leave. The drive home was when he finally told me about what had happened at home. It was the first time he'd admitted to me that he was gay. It was weird actually, because being gay was like the pink elephant in the middle of the room between him and me. I'd always alluded to being gay but we never discussed it. And so I drove along as he poured his heart out to me. I held his hand as he talked and cried along with him as he cried. In a nutshell, he came out to his parents and his father didn't take the news the way he'd expected. Two cracked ribs and a broken nose later, he was on a bus and on his way to Mississippi. I pulled the car over and held him as he cried. He finally fell asleep, resting his head on my shoulder and we drove the remainder of the way home like that. After I'd parked, I tried in vain to wake him up so instead I slung his arm around my neck and did my best to sort of drag him into the house. It worked for about three seconds before he tripped over his own legs and tumbled on the grass taking me down with him. I landed on top of him, both of us hysterical. And then all of a sudden the laughing ended. Suddenly he was stone cold sober and was staring seriously into my eyes, his own green eyes piercing my soul. "What?" I asked self consciously, trying to get up. I suddenly felt his arms wrap protectively around my waist. "Don't move. I like ya where you are." Suddenly he seemed stone cold sober. "Oh." Let's just say I wasn't very tactful. "I wanna kiss you so bad Lukie." He said touching my face lightly. "Oh." Okay so I'm not Casanova. He laughed. "Oh." He started tickling me. "That's all you can say?" I was hysterical as we rolled around the grass, him tickling me. I felt like I was six again. Finally breathless, he rolled me over his body draped over mine. He looked down at me again, those eyes, those fucking eyes boring into me. God he looked so gorgeous. So handsome, so sexy, so... Then his face was coming towards me. He had that look. You know the one. Where nothing else matters except for the person who you were looking at. It made me feel well horny, among many other emotions. His lips touched mine and... it was just perfect. It was the perfect moment. "You are driving me so fucking crazy." He whispered so seductively I almost came right there. He was nibbling on my lower lip. "Kiss me back." He moaned. And so I did. I opened my mouth and he slipped his tongue in exploring. I followed his lead mostly because I really didn't know what I was doing. The only other person I'd kissed up until that point had been Emma. And that was during a game of truth or dare. And there was no tongue involved. Realizing that we needed to come up for air, we both stopped and he stayed where he was, his forehead resting against mine. I could feel his hard cock through his jeans and feeling brave I grabbed it. He pulled back. "Don't... please." He moaned. He saw my hurt look. "It's just... I'm so close." He smiled sheepishly. "Oh." Back to the oh's. And with that we both busted out laughing again."Luke?"
I heard the voice behind me as it broke me from my reverie. I felt a hand come down over my shoulder. I turned around to see Alan, shirtless, sweaty and looking sexy as all hell.
He smiled. "I thought that was you. What are you doing here? Oh duh. You're running too. I usually come here a lot. I'm surprised I haven't seen you. I saw you there sitting there staring into space and I'd figured I'd say hi... So um... hi." He must have realized that he was babbling because he smiled sheepishly.
I smiled back. Damn this kid was getting to me. "Hi." I gestured for him to sit down and he did. "You run a lot?"
He shrugged. "Couple times a week. You?"
I smiled. "When I'm bored."
We sat there in silence for a few minutes. Finally he broke it.
"Nice out today." He said chewing on his thumb.
"Yep." Here we go again.
More silence.
"I didn't mean to... I don't mean to make you uncomfortable." He said this out of the blue.
I was a little confused. "What?"
"This morning, when I asked you if you wanted to get breakfast. I didn't mean to make you feel... you know weird." He looked so sweet when he was nervous. "And now... you seem sorta uncomfortable. I don't want you to be."
"S'okay." I said knowing full well I so wanted to take him up on his offer this morning.
More silence. Not awkward though. Just comfortable silence.
"I wasn't the one you know." He said breaking it yet again.
"I know." This time I didn't play stupid. I knew exactly what he was talking about.
"Hey babe its me. Just calling to see what you were doing. Emma's coming over to watch a movie so get your purty butt over here." I smiled. "I miss you." I clicked my phone shut and sighed. It'd been eight months. Eight months that seemed to go really well for me. I don't know. Everything was going really well. After that night on the front lawn we were inseparable. We'd go to movies, we'd go for long walks. We'd go for drives and have picnics under the stars. We'd had oodles and oodles of wonderful sex. All in all, it was going absolutely perfect. To me, at least. Not many other people thought so. Pete hated Will with a passion. He always told me that he didn't trust him. I never did know if there was reasoning behind it. But then again my brother had a very hard time trusting anyone. With good reason though. Emma tried to like him. I know she did. But he didn't make it easy for her. In a way, my relationship with him almost cost me my relationship with Emma. Thank God that didn't happen. There was a knock on my bedroom door. Excited I jumped up to answer it. I opened the door and there he was. He looked handsome. Its weird. My father used to say that all the time. "He's a good looking boy" about my brother or "You're one handsome fellow" to me. It seemed like such an old fashioned thing to say but I found myself always saying it. And in Will's case it was true. He had a very old classic look about him. Like Burt Lancaster back in his heyday. He had incredibly chiseled facial features. "I got your message." He said. There was something wrong. I couldn't exactly put my finger on it but he wasn't himself. I smiled. "Then get in here. We've got some time." I grinned lecherously. I pulled him by the waist of his pants into the room and kicked the door shut with my leg. Before he could say anything I already had his jeans down around his ankles, tracing the outline of his gorgeous cock through his briefs with my finger. "Lukie I need... oh God." He moaned as I engulfed his soft cock with my mouth teasing it with my tongue. His hands rested on my head as he guided mine back and forth its hardening length. I pulled off and looked up at him. "Like that?" He smiled down at me. "Yeah." But then his facial expression changed as if he'd suddenly remembered something. "I need to tell you something." I knew that tone. "Oh." I let go of his now deflating cock and he pulled his pants back up and sat down on my bed. He looked at me and sighed. "I saw Emma today." I wasn't following. "Okay." He smiled sadly. "She... she... was at the mall." I was really confused now. "Yeah. She wanted to get some stuff. She's coming over in a little while." "You talked to her?" I nodded. "Yep." "When?" He asked anxiously. "What's with the interrogation?" I asked a little agitated. "When did you talk to her?" He asked again, jumping up and grabbing my shirt collar pushing me against the closet door. "What the..." I started to say but he interrupted me. "I fucked up Lukie." He said quietly, letting go of my collar. "What do you mean? I don't..." I had no idea what was going on. He started screaming at me. "She saw me kissing another guy. Alright? I was making out with another guy.""How?" He had interrupted me from my thoughts again. He voice was quiet. "How did you know that?"
I smiled at him. "Alan. If there's one thing I pride myself on, it's being a good judge of character and you my friend are not a cheater." I sighed. "I was always second best for Will. Always giving more than I should have. I just wish I'd known that before everybody else. He had many others. I was just too stupid or too..." I smiled sadly "...in love to know." Realizing that I was telling his current boyfriend that he was lech and a cheater, I quickly regretted it. "I'm sorry... I..."
"It's okay." He hung his head. "He's doing it again anyway." He said low enough that I had to strain to hear him.
Don't ask me why but I really did feel bad for this guy. Maybe because I'd been through it. Because I knew what it felt like. Maybe... maybe because I had a thing for Alan and couldn't understand just why someone would want to cheat on him. Maybe it was a combination of all three.
I looked over at him. "I'm sorry."
He smiled and flashed his teeth. "What for?"
"Why do you..." I began to ask but stopped myself. "Forget it."
He punched my arm playfully. "Enough of this sad shit. You wanna run some with me."
He saw my hesitation. "What's the matter. You scared?" He said laughing.
I smiled. "I think I'm a bit out of your league." I said patting my belly.
He looked at me seriously. "You don't realize just how hot you are do you." As the words were coming out of his mouth, I could tell that he was regretting saying them and my face was turning more and more red.
He backtracked nicely though. I'll give him that. "What. I'm gay. I think you're hot. That's like a rule. We have to check out the competition. Now let's run." He started jogging and then turned back towards me and started laughing. He had effectively killed the awkwardness that permeated the conversation.
And so we ran a little more. I almost killed myself a couple of times because I was spending more time checking out his gorgeous buff chest rather than paying attention to where I was going.
Glancing at my watch I realized that I really needed to get home and get ready for work. I stopped and he followed suit.
"What's the matter?" He asked between heavy breaths. God he looked so good.
"I've gotta get home and shower." I said using my shirt to wipe my sweaty forehead.
He looked at me shyly. "Got a hot date?"
I laughed. "No. Not in this lifetime." I scratched my arm. "I gotta get to work."
He smiled. "Oh. Where do you work?"
"Over at Stella's." I said and shrugged. "What are you gonna do. It's a job." I smiled. "Workin' nine to five..." I mused.
"What a way to make a living." He finished the line for me and smiled. "No. That place is actually pretty nice. I went there once with..." He hesitated and again the awkwardness of me standing there talking to my ex-boyfriend's shirtless, hot, current boyfriend roared back with a vengeance. Hell where's Jerry Springer when you need him?
I shrugged again. "Yeah well. I'm gonna get going." I smiled. "It was fun."
"It was." He smiled back shyly. And then suddenly he grabbed me in a hug. A quick one. "I'll see ya in class on Wednesday." He said as he pulled back. And flashing that killer, toothy smile he was gone.
"He hugged you?" I laughed. I knew that'd get her attention. She looked at me incredulously. We were sitting in the movie theater and I'd told her of my little escapades that day. "Well yeah Em." I said smirking. "I'm just a huggable kinda guy." She laughed. "I didn't mean it that way. Just... you didn't kiss right?" I narrowed my eyes. "If he kissed me, would you not know?" "I suppose." She said still trying to absorb what I'd told her. "But let's recap here. He asks you out..." I started to interrupt her but she held her hands up. "... He asked you out. Then he told you that you were hot. Then he hugged you." She shook her head. Then as an afterthought. "And he was shirtless." "I know." I said smiling. "You're falling for him." She said matter of factly. I laughed. "Sweetie, I don't even know him." She looked at me dead serious. "It doesn't matter Lukie. You're still falling for him." She thought for a second. "Wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing either but he's... he's..." "Taken. I know. You don't have to stutter." I said laughing. "No look." I followed her gaze. "He's here." She said. And there he was, sitting by himself about five rows ahead of us. I smiled when I saw him. He was just the kind of guy that, to put an old cliche to good use, took your breath away. And plus he was nothing but sweet to me so why should I be anything but the same to him. "You wanna ask him to sit with us?" Emma asked me. "I won't mind." She said with the slightest hint of a smile in her voice. "I'm sure you wouldn't..." I said. "...but I don't think so. Besides maybe he came to the movie himself because he wanted to." She laughed as the theater darkened and the screen came to life. It wasn't that crowded. That didn't surprise me though. "Brokeback Mountain" had just come to Tupelo and red states were never exactly the pictures of acceptance. Mississippi was no exception. Of course there'd been progress but not nearly enough. I'd been dying to see the movie since I heard about it a year ago. Of course, the fact that Jake Gyllenhaal was in it had me salivating but so more than that I wanted to see how they'd play the love aspect. Because that was certainly the heart of the story. I knew I'd cry. I read the novella and bawled like a baby so there was no doubt in my mind that I'd cry. But there was a scene where Jack, Jake's character says to Heath's character Ennis "It could be like this... just like this always." That was when the flood gates just opened up. I started crying and for the life of me, I couldn't stop. Finally, embarrassed because people had started staring, I got up to get out of there. Emma grabbed my arm. "You alright?" She asked concerned. I took a breath. "Fine. I'm just... I'm gonna get some air. Stay here." I said making my way outside trying not to act like the big old sissy that I was. I sat down on the bench outside of the theater. The last time a movie affected me like this was when I was four and I watched "Dumbo" with Pete and we both cried when Mama Jumbo sang "Baby Mine" from the circus car. Hell I still cry when I see that. But this movie just got to me in ways that none other had before. The unrequited love. That feeling of wanting someone so badly and they can't, or in my case won't, love you back. My father had felt it, Pete had, and I had too. He used to say that it was the Tyler men's curse. They were lovers, but never loved back in return. Pete had been able to change that around. I just wished I could. I'd failed so far though."You need to get up now. Or I will personally remove you from this bed."
I groaned and rolled over. "Leave me alone Pete. I don't want..." And before I could finish the sentence, the blankets were being pulled out from under me and I rolled onto the floor of my bedroom.
"Fuck." I screamed. "What'd you do that for."
"Because..." he smirked. "... you stink like last week's garbage. You need a shower, a shave, and then we need to talk." He held his hand out to me. I reached for it and stood up.
"Here." He said handing me a clean pair of underwear and a tee shirt. "I'll be waiting for ya in the kitchen." He walked out but then peeked his head back in. "And you're gonna eat something too."
I sighed and sat back down on my bed. It was two weeks ago today that I'd found out. Apparently there wasn't only one guy. The way he explained it, he didn't just want to be tied down to one guy. He wanted to be able to have options. Options. I thought I'd found the love of my life and he'd found another option. How sad is that?
I got up and stood in front of my mirror. I looked like shit. I had a week's worth of stubble. My hair looked like it hadn't been washed in months and there were bags under my eyes.
Making my way to the bathroom, I turned the hot water on and stepped in enjoying the feel it had on my tense muscles. Soaping myself up, I thought about the last time I took a shower. That was two weeks and a day ago. I know, I know but I never got out of bed.
But I wasn't alone the last time. Stop it! I thought to myself. Stop thinking of him.
But I couldn't. I know I sound like a whiner but I couldn't understand how eight months meant nothing to him. He told me he loved me. He told me we'd be together always. And I know those are things you always say to your boyfriend but he seemed like he meant them.
And then... and then it ended.
"Fuck!" I screamed and slammed my fists against the tile. And with that, for what seemed like the five hundredth time that week, I started to cry.
I don't remember how long I stood there but I do remember the water getting cold and my brother wrapping a towel around me and sitting me down at the kitchen table. He practically force fed me.
"Talk to me." He said softly, sitting across from me.
"Nothing to talk about." I said shrugging and playing with the eggs he put in front of me.
He slammed his hand on the table. "Bullshit!"
I jumped and I knew he regretted it instantly.
"I'm sorry." He said to me. "I didn't mean to get so nasty." He sighed and looked at me seriously. "It's just I'm worried about you and I don't know what to do."
I felt bad for him. He didn't sign up for this. Having a drama queen of a brother who became a zombie just because some guy had dumped him.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, again on the verge of tears.
He scooted over to the chair next to me and wrapped his arms around me. "There ain't nothing to be sorry about Lukie." He told me as I sobbed into his chest. "Shhh... let it out. It's okay." He said soothingly. He sounded so much like our father.
I stopped, finally and looked up at him. "Did Meg dump you?" I figured when she found out what happened, she'd leave my brother and then he'd blame me.
He smiled. "You should know Meg better than that." He noticed my skeptical look. "Meg and I are fine. And you..." he pointed his finger at me. "...are going to be fine too. I'm going to make sure of it. Emma is gonna make sure of it. Meg, everybody will. Because we all love you."
"Why can't I just forget him? Move on?" I asked sniffling.
He laughed softly. "I wish it were that easy little brother. I wish that I could tell you it won't hurt. But it will." He said sadly. "But the hurt will ease. And before you know it. It'll go away for good."
"Have you seen him?" I asked hopefully, thinking maybe Will had come by.
"No." He said somewhat quickly. "And he's lucky I haven't. I'll kill..."
"You won't do anything." I said getting upset again. "I just want to forget him Pete. I know I'm acting like some loon right now but I'll get better. Just give me time." I stood up and he followed. He pulled me into a hug.
"I love you Lukie."
That's what I needed at that moment. Someone to tell me they loved me.
It's kinda what I needed now too. Not necessarily the love part but just the feeling of being with someone, having someone. "You alright?" I heard a voice next to me and turned to see Alan sitting next to me on the bench. "What are you? A fucking ghost? I didn't even see you come out here." I said surprised. He smiled but it vanished quickly. "Are you okay?" He asked again inching closer towards me. I smiled through my tears. "Yeah. I just had a weird moment. Sad movies always do that to me." "Wanna get something to eat or something?" He asked. "I don't think so." I said and I got up to walk away but he stopped me. "Why?" He asked obviously hurt. "Why can't you just give me a chance?" I laughed bitterly. "I can't Alan. I... I just can't." I started to walk away and then turned around to face him. "You're my ex-boyfriend's new boyfriend, trick, bootie call. Whatever. I can't be your friend. I'm sorry but I can't." "Why?" He asked again. This time with tears in his eyes. "Why?" This time a bit quieter. I debated on whether or not I should tell him the truth. But I had to. I was too emotionally drained to try and lie now. I looked at him and told him exactly why we couldn't be friends. "Because I'm falling in love with you."Sorry for the cliffhanger. The next chapter will be coming soon.
And congrats to Dolly for her Oscar nod for Best Song for "Travelin' Thru." Its an awesome song. Go see "Transamerica" and see for yourselves.