This story contains male/male consensual relationships of a romantic and sexual nature. If it is illegal for you to read this type of material, please adhere to your laws.
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Part One
Travis:
I have a class with Ambrose this year. If I could have fixed it, I would have but Beenie graduated last May. Beenie's a friend of mine, real name Benjamin Brandon, Jr. Anyway, he escaped this hell hole and went to the University of Miami last May. He still e-mails me all the time. He was a grade above me and he worked in the school office for four straight years as a work-study.
Anyway, he would give me a copy of Ambrose's schedule so that I could make sure that I didn't take any of his classes.
It seems like a lot of trouble, I know, but at the time, I felt like it was worth it. Now, as I sit on the other side of the room, being completely ignored by Ambrose and his two buddies Kevin and Josh, I think maybe I didn't have to work all that hard at staying out of his way.
Ambrose and I used to be friends. For three years, exactly. From fourth to seventh grade when Ambrose first moved here. I'll never forget the first time I saw him. He was on the monkey bars, swinging around and vaulting himself around, his curly dark hair was just as messed up then as it is now.
Ambrose is beautiful. I know that people say stuff like that all the time and everything, but when people say this about Ambrose, they mean it. He's not some buff body builder or guy that thinks he's hot. I mean, Ambrose just is. His hair is almost black and it's curly. It comes down to his shoulders. When he looks at you, like stares straight at you, it's hard to breathe sometimes because he's so good-looking. His eyes are blue and his nose is straight and his lips...are perfect.
Have you ever met someone that you know is destined for greatness? Like sometimes you'll watch one of those MTV shows about celebrities when they were young and everybody says that they knew there was something special about him or her. That's how I feel about Ambrose. I don't know what he'll do with his life, like maybe be a model or an actor or a rockstar or something. He's awesome at playing the guitar and he's already in a local band with guys that are in college, he's so good. He did a such a good job in the school play last year that they did a write-up on him in the local paper.
Anyway, we used to be friends...and the reason why we're not anymore is not his fault. I mean, he didn't diss me or anything like that. Actually, I kinda ditched him. I did it on purpose, too.
You gotta know something about me to understand that. It wasn't that I didn't like Ambrose anymore. Except for Beenie, he was like my only friend...and he was way closer to me than Beenie ever was. It's just, I started to look around and see where Ambrose was headed. He had way more friends than just me...and he was invited to parties that I didn't even think about going to. People liked him...I mean, everybody did.
And me - I'm not like Ambrose. I'm not a nerd exactly...more like a geek, I guess. I am smart, I get straight A's...and I'm in an Advanced Mathematics club. So, that can tell you a lot about who I am. I don't do all that well with lots of people around and sometimes, I can't think of anything to say at all. But Ambrose talks a lot and he makes people laugh and he makes people want to be around him.
So, it doesn't take a brainiac to realize that I'm not exactly on his level. And sooner or later he was gonna figure that out. I mean, why would someone like Ambrose keep hanging around with someone like me? So, while I could deal with it, I decided to end our friendship.
It was hard but I felt like if I didn't do it, I would end up hurt in the end. I just stopped talking to him. He was confused at first but I only had to walk by him a couple of times without speaking for him to realize that I wasn't interested in being his friend anymore.
Honestly, I think it was no skin off his back. He easily found other people to hang out with. Before long, he was buddies with Kevin and Josh, who are hands down two of the most popular guys in our entire school.
And since we'd started our senior year, we had the same second year French class and it was like he and his friends were in a completely different world than me. They never even glance my way. I'm a hundred percent certain that I made the right decision back in junior high.
Ambrose:
Every time he looks through me, I die. I swear, I've been killed a million times over the last five years. He's in my French class this year. His voice is at least ten octaves deeper than the times we used to talk on the phone in junior high. I get goosebumps every day between 11:00 and 11:15 when each person in the class is supposed to repeat the week's vocabulary aloud for Ms. LaFleur to hear. I can tune everyone out except him.
His French accent is terrible, but he's earnest. He always has been about everything he does. He was just as earnest about dumping me back in junior high, too.
I don't know what to do anymore. The razor isn't enough. I'm going deeper and that scares me. I started after I found out about Beenie getting copies of my schedule. I was in the office talking to this chick who followed my band and she told me that Beenie had the copy of my schedule that I wanted. It doesn't take someone as smart as him to put it all together. Beenie is really good friends with him and was getting those copies for him. He didn't even want to be in the same class as me. Which explained why even though I was hoping to see him in a class or two, I never did.
I can understand that you get to choose who you want to hang out with but I don't get why he doesn't want anything to do with me. I am not super-intelligent like all the people he associates with but I am a good friend. I never left him hanging once...and I always stood up for him...or had his back when he needed it.
I want him to fuck me. Maybe he can tell. Maybe he could tell back then and thats why he cut me off.
I've had some offers. You don't play in a band every weekend and not get offers. But I always say no. It never feels right. What if it never feels right with anybody but him? What do I do then?
I've tried everything. I took Advanced Calculus. I barely passed. I tried to learn how to fix computers and I wiped out my hard drive. I've tried to pretend like I don't care and that fucking sucks. I care. How do you lie to yourself? I'm no good at it.
My friend Josh put a note on my desk. I slowly opened it.
It read: I got a fucking F on my Trig assignment. One more and no football scholarship, no graduating. We gotta do something.
You have to understand something about Josh. He's all heart and soul, this guy. He really puts everything inside of him into what he does, his friendships and football. But when it comes to brain smarts, he's not totally there. I tried tutoring him myself but he doesn't listen to me and I'm not always totally sure that my answers are even right.
I looked over at him and he was staring at me, his brow all crinkled up. Then, I started thinking about it. Hmm. I had a thought... and it wasn't totally good, but I no longer cared.
If Josh was really desperate, he might buy into it. I started scribbling my plan onto the back of his note.
If everything went the way I envisioned it, he would pass Trigonometry and I would get fucked.
To be continued......
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