Howdy. First off appologies for this taking so long, there was no reason for it taking this long. If I still have not gotten back to you about compliments...well damn it I'm a whore! Um what else, my birthday just passed so hopefully i'm a year older, a year wiser, a year more responsible, a year better in my writing. I hope you all enjoy!! Disclaimers...me = regular person. Regular people don't know celebrities or thier dirty secrets (if they have any). Therefore I know not of their sexual orientations. Minors: this is illegal for you to be reading. Do you know what illegal means? Well just incase let me explain if you are not 18/21 and someone catches you reading this, YOU GO TO JAIL >.< Or just get in a real lot of trouble, but it's still anti-shibby. I reiterate no i do not know the celebs involved, minors should not read this cuz it's anti-shibby, and i made it all up. AGAIN, I hope you enjoy!! All comments wleocme and appreciated, but don't be malicious cuz that's just rude :-)
"I apologize if I scared you, I never meant to." "It's ok. It was our overactive imaginations that killed you off." "This is true, I said with a smirk." "So anyway, Getting back to the heart of the matter and why I came to check on you in the first place," Chris said, "Are you sure you're ok?" "What are you talking about?" "Well you seemed to pull into yourself when Justin brought up your past and..." "You guys are still on that?" I asked, "I was over that the minute I decided to dye my hair." "Yeah speaking of which, why didn't you just tell me that's what you were doing?" Lance asked. "Would you have let me dye it purple?" "Well not if it were bright fluorescent purple. But I guess that's ok." He said pointing to my hair. It was classified as a purple dye though it was more of a dark burgundy, almost brown looking, with a reddish purple sheen to it. "You guess." "Yeah, I guess." "You guess now because it's already done," I smirked, "If I had told you and if you had had the chance, you would have fought it until I kicked you out of my room." "Yeah you're probably right," he relented with a smile. Somewhere during our conversation the rest of the guys had moved and we had followed along ending up in Josh's room. "So um," he said clearing his throat, "It's basically really late, and I'm basically going to go to sleep, so basically..." "Make like a priest and get the hell out?" I asked. "Amen" he said through chuckles. We said goodnight to our fallen comrade as Joey dubbed and cleared out. I thanked Lance for staying with me while I wasted the day being a jack ass, and watched him head off with Chris and Joey somewhere, leaving me and Justin standing in the hall. "Well, goodnight." I smiled. "Night," He retorted, sounding a bit disdained. "Everything ok?" "Fine." "Doesn't seem like it?" "You wouldn't know." I couldn't help but arch my eye brows and smile in amusement. "Try me," I said inviting him into my room. "Alright it's like this," he began slouching into a chair, "I'm still feeling really guilty about what happened tonight even though it didn't happen." I threw my hands up in the air, "You win; I have no idea what you're talking about." He smile and held back a laugh, "I thought something really bad had happened to you. I've never dyed my hair, only bleached, so I didn't even know dye could come in that color. It looked so much like blood, and I got so scared..." "Wait, ok, ok I see how you'd be scared, but why guilty?" "Well cuz I guess the guys blamed me for you not being with us. I fucked up big time when I pressed the past issue, and I guess if I hadn't you'd have spent the day with us instead of alone with Lance. And if you had spent the day with us, you wouldn't have been alone and nothing could have happened." He brushed something away from his eye, but I wasn't sure if it was a tear or not, I had been looking in a different direction. "I seriously don't know what would have happened if something that terrible had happened and it was my fault. I would have freaked," he said letting out a nervous laugh. "But nothing did happen," I said cheerily, "I'm fine and you're only a semi-jack ass." "Still I have no idea how I would have reacted." "It's ok Jus. Look like I said before it wasn't your fault, if it was anyone's, blame it on my father." "Hmm?" he murmured looking up. I sighed knowing now there was no way I could avoid this one since I had brought it up. "Like I said before I won't tell you the whole story, but basically this is how it goes," I paused for a minute, collected myself and went with it. "Alright, this is all I'm telling you now," He nodded and I continued, "My father, is an abrasive, offensive, jack ass. He told my sister to her face that since she was an accident, he never really wanted her and could never love her. He threw me out of the house when I came out to my family. When my parents and sister moved to a new town he told all of his new acquaintances that I died at birth. And my brother, well, no, we won't go into that." I stopped and sighed. "Came out?" he asked quietly. "I'm bisexual. I had been dating my boyfriend at the time for almost 5 months, they needed to know. My mom took it well I guess, as well as expected. He threw me out of the house and killed me off at birth." "And you have a brother?" "He died when I was 16, and didn't I say we weren't talking about this," I said getting flustered and moving to a chair as far away from Justin as I could. "I'm sorry," He whispered. "Don't be sorry; just pick out a movie or something." I turned away trying my hardest to hide my tears. I shouldn't have said anything, god I hated myself for always doing this. I should have known better by now. "Maybe I'll just leave," "Ok." He was about to say something, but he didn't. He just walked out of my room very quietly, I didn't know he was gone until the door lock clicked shut. I quietly stripped off my clothes and slipped into bed, softly lulling myself into sleep with thoughts of Capri and Blaise floating through my mind; every detail of every fight, attacking my mind and emotions, soft sobs escaping me. I willed myself not to dream that night because I knew it wouldn't be pleasant. I couldn't handle anything else unpleasant; it wasn't what I needed at the moment. I had made a stupid mistake and now I was paying for it ten fold. Justin didn't pull any stunts to wake me up, instead Josh shook me awake gently. His bright smiling face was better to be woken up by then Justin's violent tremors. I still didn't enjoy the morning but I figured I got a good wake up call, my day couldn't possibly turn out that bad. I was thoroughly looking forward to a very good day until I walked into the morning meeting. I had only been on board for 2 days but the custom of the morning meeting had already been explained to me, so I knew it was going to happen, even if we never knew what was going to happen. I was quickly readied enough to join the ranks of civilized humans and thusly I joined Josh in his room to wait for the rest of the gang. "You ok bud?" he asked "Fine" I replied with a fake smile. "You're lying to me." "I know." I felt a great feeling of relief wash over me when the door flew open and Joey and Chris walked in arguing about one thing or another. "Okay, Okay!" Joey bellowed, "Kai, you have supreme authority over this one, is Lisa from accounting a lesbian or not?" I couldn't help but laugh, "You mean Lisa Donstan?" "Yeah that's what her name is, what do you think?" "You mean sweet little red haired green eyed Lisa?" "Kai man what are you talking about, Lisa has dark hair and blue eyes." "Hmm you'd think I would have known that, oh wait no I wouldn't cuz I haven't met her yet," I said smiling. "See!" Chris shouted, "He can't even answer." "Oh shut up, yes he can," Joey insisted, "Well?" "Well what? I can't answer that," "Yeah you can come on, please!" "Fine," I huffed with a smirk, "I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she's straight." I assumed by Joey's attempt to hit me and Chris's victory dance my answer had been in Chris's favor. "Chris win another bet?" a groggy Lance asked as he walked into the room. "Yup," I giggled. "Well congrats Chris," he said in a very monotone voice, "But now onto business." Everyone became quite serious and looked directly at Lance almost like they were waiting for orders. "OK Josh, you need to call Karen and Lynn, don't know why you just do. Same for you Justin. Joey you have a package from Bri and Kelly, it's sitting in my room, it got here this morning and I don't want it. Chris one of your designers is looking to schedule a meeting with you, get in touch with `Sonjia' a.s.a.p. please. Oh and Chris and Justin you guys have to have that blood work done before the end of this week or else, this is getting ridiculous just go do it." Chris and Justin groaned almost simultaneously which I found rather amusing. "Oh and one last message, Kai this one's for you, I don't understand it at all, but a man named `Brian' has apparently tried to contact you several times, it said you'd know who he was. You have any idea..." "Yeah," I said cutting him off, "Can I be excused for a minute." I was met by a round of concerned glances and questioning stares, "yeah of course," Lance finally said as I slid back into my room. `Shit!' I thought to myself, `Shit shit shit!'. I sat on the bed and fumbled through the night stand drawer to find my cell phone. A quick look at the clock and a quick time zone conversion and I figured out where my mother would be at this time back in the states. I quickly dialed her office number and hoped to god she'd pick up. "Elda, Respiratory Department, whaddaya need," she said in all too Italian accent. I wanted to be mad at her for telling him where to find me, I wanted to scream and blame her, I wanted to never speak to her again, but I heard her voice and lost any will to yell at her, "Hi mom," I said quietly into the phone. "Kai? Is this you? What the hell are you calling me at work for, especially da Londres?" "Mom," My voice caught in my throat and I just couldn't start accusing her of anything. "What? What is it?" "Nothing," I whispered, "How are you, how was wild wood." "Eh the beach was still there," she said, "Your father almost drowned," "Only almost?" "Hush your mouth, thank god he didn't" "Yeah because god forbid anything bad happen to such a saint," "Kai stop," "Fine." "Thank you." "Mom?" "What? Look I need to start rounds in 2 minutes make it fast." "Why didn't you tell me Brian called?" I so wanted an answer, but all I got from the other end was silence. "Mom, please tell me why he called, tell me why I didn't know until he called me here." "I told him not to call you there." "So you talked to him?" "Yes hunny I did. He's doing alright, he says he misses you. A lot," "Mom stop, please," "I'm sorry" "What does he want?" "Nearest I could tell, he just wanted to talk to you." "Why is he doing this," I asked through a strained voice, choking back tears. "Because he loves you hunny. He wants you to be happy, and you're not happy with out him, even he knows that." I cleared my throat, "I'm just fine with or without him and equally happy either way thank you, now I need to go, good bye and I love you." I didn't wait for any response I just clicked the phone off and lied down on my bed, face buried deep into a pillow. `Shit' I thought to myself once again. I shed 4 tears at most when I decided I really needed to compose myself and get back into the meeting before any one started to worry. I slipped in quietly and took a seat near the back, going almost unnoticed. The boys were discussing something about the tour when Lance finally came to the climax of the meeting. "OK so for today," he started, "Nothing major planned, Chris and Joe left an open invitation to go with them to the Tower of London with them, I will be going to that." "Totally in!" Justin said. "What about you two?" Lance said looking from to Josh and back. "Actually I have some family that I am planning on visiting, you guys are invited to come to that if any of you should change your mind." They all nodded but reaffirmed that they would be heading to Haunted London's hottest spot. "Josh?" Lance said questioningly. "Actually if Kai doesn't mind I'll go with him." I just smiled at him and with that lance Adjourned the meeting so everyone could go get ready for their day out on the town. I was basically ready so I was just waiting for Josh. It only took him a matter of 10 minutes before we were walking down the long hall way towards the elevators. "So tell me about your family here, I thought you said you were pure Italian." "I am," I smiled, "My Great Uncle Umberto and his wife Immaculata live here with their daughter Rosetta, her husband Ace and their kids Richie and Steph." "Ahh, so are they nice people?" again I laughed, You are so unwise in the ways of Italians. You'd think after being with Joey for that long you'd understand it a litte bit more." "Guess that greasy Guinea hasn't rubbed off on me yet, you're sure they're not going to mind us just showing up?" He asked as we started down the sidewalk having gone through the overly lavish lobby of the hotel. All I offered in response was a laugh. We walked approximately 7 blocks when I recognized the block of condos and found their number. I walked up to the door and knocked while josh stood a little bit behind me, afraid to be on the front line. I was pleasantly surprised when my great aunt Immaculata opened the door and didn't recognize me. "Good-a morn what-sa I can-a do for you?" "Jeez you don't remember your own Niece's Son!" I said back to her with a giant smile. "Zia, it's Kai, Elda's son." "Ah my Gahd!" she said throwing her arms around me in a giant hug, "Ah my Gahd why-a you a la Londres, where is-a mama e papa? Umbe veni qua Elda's son is here!" "Mama e papa are still in America, I'm working here now for a little bit and I came by to say hello, this is my friend Josh," "Kai!" My great uncle said as he walked around the corner of the house to the entrance, "Why you no call we come a pick you up a l'aereoporto! You come-a stay wid us?" "No Zio I got a hotel room, I'm ok, I just came to say hello." "Well come in come in," My great aunt said ushering us further into their home. "Zia is Rosa home?" "No but the kids-a are, Assein be home not to long." "Stefanie! Riccardo!" She called. "No no! Shhhhh! I want to surprise them," but it was too late Stephanie came walking around the corner. Hey eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "What the..." "Hi," I smiled. "Kai!" She squealed jumping into my arms. We hadn't seen each other in years but we kept in touch through emails and phone calls. "What the bloody hell are you doing here!" "I got a new job and I spend the first 2 weeks in London." "How much longer will you be here for, I have a million and half girlfriends dieing to meet you. You're considered quite the stud among my friends" She said with a giggle. "I knew I shouldn't have sent you those photos," "Ah posh," she said "I'm glad you did, I wouldn't have recognized you." "Recognize who?" I heard Richie's voice before I actually saw him. "Recognize me you skanky Brit," I said as he turned the corner. "Watch it Yankee," he said walking around the corner with a smile, "Nonna why did you let this rubbish into our house?" "Whoa whoa," "Oh I'm sorry did I hurt your feelings wanker?" "Listen you, us Yanks kicked your ass the last time you had the colliones to go to war with us, we'll do it again." He threw his hand out and I gladly accepted his hand shake, "It's alright, I guess we can live with you riff raff in our house for now." He said with a laugh. "Steph get off of him," He said looking over my shoulder, where she had basically pinned Josh into a corner and was practically drooling. "Down girl," I said moving her aside so Josh could get out. "My what a handsome young friend you have," she said licking her upper lip. "My how friendly we are," her brother intervened. "I'm Richard nice to meet you." "Like wise" Josh said putting out his hand. Both Rich and Stephanie accepted and proper introductions were made to my uncle and aunt who quickly accepted, and tried to feed him. "He too skinny," My aunt complained on her way to the kitchen. "Shit you're in trouble now" Stephanie said. "She's going to feed you until you die." "What!?" We all laughed at his concerned expression. "What's the matter Yank, they forget to teach you how to handle your food back in the colonies." "States," I corrected. "Whatever," Rich said dodging my hand which had swooped out to hit him. "I don't want to die," Josh whimpered My aunt produced a mountain of the Italian version of French toast which the four of us eagerly devoured in quite possibly a record setting short a mount of time. My aunt was about to make a second tour of duty in the kitchen when stopped and thanked her. One could only realistically eat so much. "So," Steph began, "We've got a holiday today what do you boys want to do." I knew Josh was going to say something cheesy so I cut him off just as he opened his mouth to speak, "Truccadero," I suggest. "Great Idea!" Steph said, "I'm going to grab some money I'll be right back," she yelled as she bounded up the stairs. "Truccadero?" Josh asked. "It's a mall the size of Rhode Island," I smiled back, "Hope you remembered a credit card or something." Rich and I found that much more amusing than he did. Steph was back quickly and we were soon on the London equivalent of a sub way heading towards the giant shopping center. Joey had mentioned at some point that Josh was a shopping slut so I figured, I got to spend time with my family, he got to do what he does best, make himself look good. When we arrived after an uneventful train ride, Josh and Rich went straight for electronics of some sort, while Steph and I did headed straight for the little ice cream shop hidden behind two giant clothing stores. We sat down at a little café table and waited for the waitress, one of the more unique aspects of this particular ice cream shop, they served you. "So..." "So what?" "How long have you and Josh been together?" She asked with a grin. I couldn't help but laugh. "We're not together sweetie," I giggled. "Well you're not still with Brian are you?" I shook my head no quickly and was suddenly very interested in the table which had the menu printed on it. I was saved from further question by the waitress who picked a perfect moment to come and take our orders. Milkshake for Steph, root beer float for me. Our waitress left and we were still quiet. She came back with our orders, and we were still quite. I was halfway done with my float before Steph finally broke the silence. "Can we at least talk about it?" "There's nothing to talk about," I said hastilly, "We were together, we broke up." "My only question is why?" "Are we here to eat Ice cream and shop or play the make Kai want to go back to America game?" "Fine," she relented quietly, "I have a wedding next month, which do you want to do first; shoes or dress." "Earrings," I said grabbing her by the wrist and leaving the little ice cream shop. I dragged her to the nearest jewelery store I could find and together we looked and criticized almost every piece of jewelery they had. I finally settled on a pair of Amethyst tear drops and while her back was turned had the man behind the counter put them in a bag and charged it to my credit card. "Surprise," I whispered handing her the earrings which I had pulled out of their tiny suede bag. "Kai what are you doing!" she hissed back. "I picked the lock, now let's get out of here before someone notices." Her expression soon turned to one of absolute horror, "Good heaven's Kai the owner is coming straight for you, and he doesn't look happy. Kai he's almost running!" The store owner did indeed tap me on the shoulder and turning around he handed me the receipt which I had neglected to sign. I signed it happily and Steph almost died. "I should have known better than to believe you for one minute that these were stolen. They're quite pretty too," she exclaimed looking at them again. "Glad you like them, now onto a dress." She led me to her favorite dress shop and we both started the mad search for the perfect dress. By the time she had picked out 19 or 20, I had picked out 2. She took one glance and dropped all of hers to try on mine. I always secretly hated the fact that I had good taste. It bothered me that it made me fit well into the gay stereotype, especially since I was anything but stereotypical. I wasn't the right kind of white guy, or Italian guy, or college student, or even the right kind of queer, so the stereotyping bothered me, at least in that aspect. "Bloody hell Kai," I heard Steph yell from the changing room, "Why are the dresses you pick out always the prettiest damn dresses in the stores but absolute horrors to get into?" I laughed, but my breathe caught in my throat when she came out of the changing room. She looked absolutely stunning in the dress. The dress itself was light lavender in color, perfectly complimenting the amethyst earings. The top was one giant piece of fabric that tapered to a V in the front and was covered in little white flowers, in back it was tied by two silks, that trailed down to almost her mid calf. The skirt hugged her slender form until it reached towards the bottom where it flared out, almost like a flamenco skirt would but not quite so drastically. "Stop starring," she said glaring at me. "You look gorgeous." "Damn right I do," she said throwing off her shoes and picking out a pair of rhine stone strapped sandals, "Now let's pay for this and leave. I already spent to much of your money today," she quipped with a smile. She scurried back into the changing rooms to take off the dress and I took the time to find a place to sit down. The time had passed quickly today but it was starting to take its toll. I found a chair and quickly made myself comfortable, pulling out my cell phone to check for nay message which may have been waiting for me. I found none, but was pleasantly surprised that t should start ringing just as I was about to put it into my pocket. "Hello?" "Kai? Is that you<" The familiar voice at the same time soothed me and tore me to pieces. I couldn't believe that he had the nerve to call me. I was hurt, I was angered, I was shocked. "Brian," I whispered more to myself than into the phone. He started speaking but I took the phone away from my ear and just stared at it. I didn't want to hurt him, but I didn't want to be hurt either. I barely made out a `Kai, are you ok? Hello?' when I flipped the phone shut and turned the power off. I stared blankly ahead for a minute before I felt Steph's hand on my shoulder. "Ready to discuss it?," she asked looking at me with concerned eyes. "Yeah." I barely managed to spit out. Steph had an amazing sense of finding people and quickly amassed both Josh and Rich and we were on our way. Steph didn't think it prudent to have this type of conversation in such a very public place. Our trip home was filled with the boys whining about how they didn't have adequate shopping time. Steph decided to drive and she basically had the car floored the entire time, and considering we were on the wrong side of the road, for me at least, I was almost at my wits end. She noticed my death grip on her door handle, which we had renamed the `Oh shit' handle. We arrived at home much more quickly than we had arrived at the shopping center, and we lost the boys just as quickly leaving them behind in a heated discussion about sports. "So tell me," Steph all but demanded as she locked the door to her room, "What's going on with Brian." "There's not much to tell," I said, "We're not together any more. And I still love him more than I'll ever be able to realize." "So why don't you try to get back together with him?" she asked innocently. "That's just it!" I screamed, startling her, "I don't know! I just can't. I want to, but, I don't know. I know he wants to too, I just cant figure out why I wont let myself get back together with him. "Well, think about it hard. You two were perfect for each other, at least you seemed it." "I know," "I hope you two get back together, you were so happy together." "I know. "And I still want to see a picture of him at least or something, to find out who the heck this Brian guy is." "I know," I said with a smirk. I spent most of the rest of the afternoon filling in Steph on the specifics of why we broke up, how it happened, when and where and all that jazz. I assume Josh had a good time as well, because when an irate Lance called us telling us we were late meeting them for dinner I practically had to drag Josh away from Rich. Josh signed a few autographs as my family and I exchanged tear filled goodbyes. I knew it would be quite some time before I would see them again. We all exchanged contact numbers and the sort and Josh and I were on our way. "I love your family!" Josh gushed the minute the cab pulled out of my family's drive way. I couldn't help laughing, "I told you, you would." "Rich is so cool, and so is Ace! Why didn't you tell me he was Turkish!" "I don't know, I guess I just forgot. He's a cool guy, he learned to speak Italian so him and Rose could exchange wedding vows in Italian so her family could understand." "What about his family?" he asked. "Ace has no family left. The makes in his family were basically all murdered, except for him because he was a toddler when it happened, and the women were all kidnapped. We think his sister may have survived but we never were sure. They left him locked in a closet to die." "Oh my God," Josh said, his mouth agape in horror, "Who's they?" "I'm not quite sure. It was another family who had been fueding with His. The neighbors who found Ace and saved him said it had something to do with honor and land from a 150 years ago." "Wow," "Pretty much yeah," I was about to finish tying together the loose ends of him meeting my cousin but was interrupted by my phone. "Excues me," I said opening my phone, "Hello?" "Kai!" Capri hissed, "Brian's here!" "What?" I asked in disbelief. Josh sensed my nervousness and leaned closerresting an arm on my shoulder and looking at me as if to say `you ok'. "Kai he flew up here, he's in the living room. He said he's not leaving until he can talk to you." "Does he know I'm in fucking London England!" "I don't think he cares, Kai what do I do?" I sighed, "I don't know, call the police, do something." "Kai just talk to him please," she pleaded. "Capri I can't, not now." "Kai ple..." "Capri are you still there? Capri!" the phone hadn't been turned off, but she wasn't there anymore. "Capri?" "Kai please don't hang up on me this time." "Brian what are you doing!" I demanded, "You can't hold yourself hostage in my house." "I needed to talk to you, Kai I'm desperate I don't even know how to reach you any more." "Because I'm in London!" I almost screamed, "Of course you can't find me because I'm not there." "Kai, Please..." "Brian what are you doing!" I screamed into my phone, "I asked you not to call, I trusted you to let me enjoy this job, my dream come true, why are you doing this!" "Kai..." "What do you want me to do Brian change my phone numbers? Change the locks? What am I supposed to do!" My tone turned from hysterical screaming to desperate pleading. "I don't know what you want from me, but I can't give it to you. I need this time to myself, for myself." "But Kai..." "What Brian? What could you possibly have to say at a time like this?" "I love you," and with those three words my heart sank and I almost hung up on him all over again. "Brian no," "Yes, Kai, yes I do." "Brian..." "No wait," he interrupted, "You had your turn, now it's mine. Kai, I have been waiting for you to call, to write, to get in touch with me some how since the day we broke up. I don't even remember why we broke up, I just know that I have regretted it every day since. Kai I love you, I have since the first time we kissed. Kai we have three years of history, one fight doesn't take that away. Kai 3 weeks doesn't take away the pain of not having you with me, it doesn't make me love you less. Kai I need you." Josh's eyes were peering into me with a very concerned expression, and the cab had just pulled into our hotel parking lot. I didn't know what to do, I had no idea what to say, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I ignored it. "Brian I have to go, I'll talk to you later." "Kai! Wait, please." "Good bye Brian," I said as I flipped my phone shut. I looked at Josh and then cupped my face in my hands. "If anyone asks this conversation never happened, we had a conversation about my family. Before you ask no I don't want to talk about it, I'm fine I swear, but breathe a word of this to anyone and so help me god your due punishment will arrive." "Gotcha," he replied with a displeased expression and a small, almost unnoticeable, sigh. He stepped out of the cab and paid the driver while I myself got out of the cab. We were silent as we walked to the elevators and rode it up to our floor. To Be Continued. How was my driving? weeg_wrote_something@hotmail.com