This story is about male/male relationships and contains graphic descriptions of sex. You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence.
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---------------------- TRAGEDY IN THE BLOOD by Steven H. Davis
Chapter 44
When I came into the kitchen the next morning -- running late after insomnia had kept me awake much of the previous night -- Tynah had already left for work and Rex was nowhere to be seen. I guessed that he had made his morning grocery run to the H.E.B., which must mean that Linda had come and gone, expecting that I would have taken the early bus.
I still had about fifteen minutes to catch the late bus, so I re-filled Heidi's dog-dish with food and water, poured some coffee and sat down at the table for a cigarette. The five-dollar bill was there as usual, but it was sitting on top of a section of the San Antonio Light which had been folded back and had an item circled in Rex's fine-lined blue pen.
The section was the one which listed the recent home sales, and the circled item listed a home in Alamo Heights which had just been purchased by one S.B. Maxwell. I stared at the address for a moment, committing it to memory. Rex really does read the paper from cover to cover, I thought to myself, and was grateful that he did.
But Alamo Heights? That was clear across town, the toney rich neighborhood where the woman who t-boned us in the truck had lived.
More pertinent to my interests, it wasn't just across town but in an entirely different school district. Shit.
I took Rex's pen, scribbled "thanks, Rex!" next to the circled item, and left for the bus stop. I wouldn't be able to do anything about it that day, as the auditions for Our Town would be held in the afternoon after school. As I trudged up the street, I saw that the ironically-named "late bus" had arrived early, and had to run like a maniac to jump through the door just before it closed and the bus pulled away.
I debated what to do with this new information, this address in Alamo Heights, as the bus rolled along up Walzem Road. Did I really want to know why they left so suddenly? Did I really want to go seeking out an answer which was likely to break my heart all over again? After all, I hadn't heard one peep from Taine on the phone since they had moved, had received not one note, one letter... nothing!
If this had been any other family, I would have suspected parental disapproval: moving him away so that we couldn't be together, forcing him to date some snooty Alamo Heights chick in a pleated skirt, maybe even packing him away to one of those religious youth camps near Dallas where they claimed to be able to "fix" kids like us by praying the gay away.
But this was Sly Maxwell's family. The same Sly Maxwell who had given us that great talk full of unconditional love and acceptance in the parking lot that day. The same Sly Maxwell who had been nothing but loving and supportive when he talked to Taine about his feelings out by the swimming pool. And the same Sly Maxwell who, like a proud Papa Bear, had carefully gathered Taine, Blaine, and me together by that pool for what amounted to a massive family therapy session.
The four of us came out of that session -- I thought -- bonded at the hip. Four musketeers, all for one and one for all. And Taine and I had made sweet, gentle love that day, and afterward seemed closer than ever.
And then they were gone.
The bus pulled into the circle at Polk High and I made my way out, shuffling behind a row of students who were taking as long as they possibly could to get off and begin their school day. When I had finally run this slouching gauntlet, I hurried into the school to find Linda for some much needed advice.
Instead I ran into Nathan, on his way to the office because some ninja throwing-stars had been found in his locker. He was outraged at this invasion of his personal space, but chuckled at the situation nonetheless.
"I'm going to be the first person ever expelled from Polk for being a ninja," he laughed. "How bad-ass is that?"
"Super bad-ass," I assured him, but inside I was eye-rolling up a storm.
"Keep your dick up, Bubba," said Nathan, indicating Kathy Witcher strolling down the hall. "Your big mama jama might want another taste of freshman meat!"
I shook my head, grinning as Nathan strode purposefully into the office. I had told him about my encounter with Kathy when I was at his house (leaving out the parts involving Mark and Jeff), and he had been suitably impressed by my scoring a blowjob from a 12th grade girl to dub me "The Senior Suck-Toy".
It wasn't a nickname that stuck, thank goodness, for I would learn that Nathan seemed to invent new nicknames for people every day. Maybe it's because he never had one. I resolved to come up with one for him soon.
I didn't catch up with Linda until 4th period Drama, where we were working on some exercises and learning about character analysis. Linda and I excused ourselves to the auditorium, presumably to work on our Duet, but there wasn't another tournament for two weeks and we were fine just sitting on the edge of the stage and talking.
"You know, Rick," she said, a thoughtful expression on her face, "maybe he didn't have a choice in the matter, and was too nervous about your reaction to talk to you before. You know how shy he is, even with you, and he really hates confrontation more than just about anything."
"So you don't think it was the hat thing?" I asked, only half-joking. I honestly didn't know what it might have been.
"No, silly," she said. "But you do have a point about his dad and brother not saying anything either. It's just bizarre. His dad really seemed to like you, and you told me that Blaine even came around."
"I know," I sighed, kicking my heels against the stage. "It doesn't make any sense at all to me. I don't know what to do."
"Rick. You're afraid of what the answer might be, aren't you? You're afraid that Taine changed his mind."
"Yeah," I admitted, nodding. "I'm scared about the answer, so I don't know if I should even ask the question."
"I see," Linda said sarcastically. "You are afraid of rejection, so you're just going to let the boy whom you have said many, many times means more to you than anything else in the world disappear from your life with no explanation? That makes a lot of sense!"
"Yeah." I hung my head sadly, embarrassed.
"Rick," Linda said, trying another tack, "what if I go to his new house? What if I go over there all pissed off asking how he could just leave without saying goodbye? He likes me, he trusts me, and most importantly I'm a girl, so he's intimidated by me. I will get some answers."
I thought about it for a minute. It was an attractive offer, sparing me the humiliation of being the spurned, heartbroken lover showing up at the door begging for "closure." Besides, I didn't want closure. I wanted Taine. And I couldn't let Linda go around doing my dirty work forever.
"No," I said. I would either do it or I wouldn't, but I wasn't about to let Linda do it for me.
"Suit yourself, but the offer's open. I'm actually a little upset with him myself."
"Linda, you don't have to..."
"Oops!"
She held up a hand, silencing me.
"Not just on your behalf, Rick. I don't like going to all this effort to make friends with him only to have him turn his back on me, too. Not all of my going over there pissed off would be acting."
"I really appreciate that, Linda." I turned to look her in the eye. "I really do. You're a great friend to me, but if I'm going over there, I'm doing it myself. And if I don't, that's because I can't deal with the answer, even if you get it for me."
Her expression softened. She took me in her arms, hugging me tight and stroking the back of my Izod soothingly.
"Oh, Rick," she cooed softly. "I hate seeing you in pain like this. I know Taine meant more to you than anyone ever did in your life, and I can't imagine what kind of effect this is having on you, especially not knowing why."
She broke the embrace, meeting my gaze seriously and lovingly.
"I understand if you don't want to know, Ricky. If you ever need to talk, you know I'm always here for you."
"Thanks," I smiled.
"That's what Duet partners are for," she murmured, then got to her feet on the stage, facing front and loudly clearing her throat.
I knew what she was up to and leapt to my feet beside her as she spoke.
"Doris and George are married..."
"..but not to each other," I continued.
And I was thinking, yeah, we kind of are.
Nathan was back in my 5th period Biology class in his usual seat after receiving a stern warning about bringing ninja throwing stars to school. The warning turned into detention when he inquired about whether nunchaku sticks were banned as well, but it didn't seem to faze him. He liked playing the rebel.
6th period P.E. was the usual lame activity followed by the wet, steamy cock-show which was my primary interest in showing up. As broken up and confused as I was about my lover's disappearance, I was starting to miss sex just as much, and found my eyes wandering around the communal showers more than usual. My eyes settled between the legs of the Swedish foreign-exchange student, a tall and blonde young Adonis named Erik.
His wet, slippery cock lay nestled in a soft, blondish-brown nest of fuzz as he washed his hair, eyes closed under the spraying showerhead. His tool was lightly tanned like the rest of him, and uncut, like only two other boys in our class, one of whom was black and the other Mexican. I guessed that Erik was probably the first uncut white boy I ever saw, and the sight was not unattractive.
In fact, I could make out the shape of his thick mushroom-shaped head beneath his foreskin, and the sight was beginning to cause some stirrings in my own loins. Erik was long and thick, at least five inches soft and as many inches around, and I couldn't stop staring at it shifting around as he moved, wet and glistening, rolling against his large balls, which also danced provocatively in their hairless, low-hanging pouch.
"Nice," I thought. Then I happened to glance up, right into his bright blue eyes, which were watching me watching him, and didn't seem happy about it.
I quickly looked to the wall, resuming my shower. Soaping my chest, belly and pits, I glanced back over my shoulder, only to see Erik's gaze focused right on my wet, hairless ass. Now I didn't know what to think. Was he offended that I was looking at him, or was he scoping me out as well?
I filed the exchange of looks away in my mind for future research. Right now, my focus was on finishing my shower, getting dressed, and giving my hair enough time to dry before my audition. As I was pulling on my black Jordache jeans by the black-painted A-frame dressing benches, Erik walked right up next to me. He was completely naked and still dripping wet, his towel held casually in one large hand at his side.
"You like what you see?" he asked, his voice low enough that no one could hear but me.
"What do you mean?"
I was sure that I was blushing like a pink giraffe.
I slipped my Izod over my head in an attempt at nonchalance, and by the time I had it pulled down and in place, he wasn't in front of me anymore. I looked back to see where he had gone, and saw him drying off a few benches away, looking in the opposite direction.
The moment had passed, I thought, feeling my ears burning hot with the blush which I was sure now was obvious to anyone watching. I threw on my Reeboks and walked hurriedly toward the lockerroom doors as the final bell rang. Thankful for the crowd of students to lose myself in, I swam against the tide with no real annoyance. Everyone else was heading for the parking lots or the bus circle, while I was on my way to the auditorium, so it took me a while to get there.
And just as I was about to open the auditorium doors and try out for my first Polk High School Drama Department production, I felt a presence behind me. I glanced back to see what it was, hoping that I wouldn't see Erik's large, tanned hand landing on my shoulder.
I didn't.
Oh, a hand landed on my shoulder, all right. But it wasn't Erik's golden mitt. It was a pale, slender hand.
A perfect, perfect hand.
Chapter 45
"I came to see your audition. We'll talk after."
Taine followed me into the Polk High School auditorium, receiving a big hug from Linda, a high-five from Carter, and an acknowledging nod from Jim. He sat patiently through the auditions, and -- if I'm honest -- I have to say that I don't even remember auditioning myself.
I know I must have, because people complimented me on my way from the stage, and Mr. McRory was smiling as I made my way past the sixth row, where he sat with his work-light and a yellow legal pad, making copious notes on every actor. As I neared the back of the auditorium, Taine rose from his seat in the back row, following me outside and down the hall to the side entrance of the school.
I walked out onto the little apron of sidewalk and leaned on an empty bicycle rack, lit a cigarette, and just stared at Taine as he caught up to me, waiting for him to speak.
It had only been a few days, and already he looked different to me. He looked tired, exhausted even. There were dark circles and slight bags beneath his beautiful green eyes, which seemed hollow and glassy, without the mischievous spark which always made me shiver with emotion. His smooth face was even more pale than I remembered it, his mouth drawn and the color of his perfect lips lighter than normal. This had obviously been as rough on him as it had on me.
He slouched to a stop about five feet away from me, hands stuffed in the pockets of his battered army jacket, clearly unsure of how to begin this conversation, or even if he really wanted to. I wasn't sure that I wanted him to either, but now that he was here, I had to know.
Taine looked down at the ground, the brim of his cap covering his face while he wrestled privately with his thoughts and feelings. I was used to this preamble, but was impatient, so my inner turmoil came out -- as it often does -- with heavy sighs and exhalations of cigarette smoke in long, dragon-like columns of frustrated steam.
Finally, the brim of the cap raised, and I could see those magical eyes again, now a light grey beneath the cloudy October skies. Even through my roiling emotions, I always marveled at the way Taine's eyes changed color seemingly at will, and although I understood about rods and cones and refracted light, the color of his eyes always seemed to match his feelings like a 1970s mood-ring.
"Last night," he said softly, "I went downstairs to get some orange soda, some ice, and some Doritos. I stood there... thinking that I was coming to see you audition today... and I put the ice... right in the Doritos... instead of the soda."
His eyes held on mine, and he tried to manage a faint smile, but it didn't quite work. The one I tried to form in return didn't really work either. He must have seen the bewilderment and pain in my expression, because he nodded his head slowly, never breaking eye contact.
"It's hard for me, too," he said. "But it's better this way."
"Better!" I exclaimed incredulously. "What is better about this, Taine? What the hell is possibly better about this?"
"The world is a vampire," he replied. "It just slowly sucks away anything good. Nothing can ever stay perfect, Ricky, and what we had was perfect. It's like the snow when I lived in New York. It starts out perfect and pure, like us. And then it starts to melt a little bit, and it refreezes with dirt inside it, and looks ugly and flecked with mud. And then cars go over it and it melts some more. Then it turns to this black, yucky slush. And then it melts some more, and runs off the road, and what's left turns into black ice, and it can kill people, Ricky. And then there's nothing left but dirt and pain."
He turned away, and I could see that he was fighting to blink back tears.
I shook my head questioningly. It had become our sign that he needed to elaborate, to translate his elusive, ethereal thoughts so that my primitive mind could grasp his meaning. He tried not to show his frustration, as always, and turned back to me, his voice almost pleading with me to understand.
"What we had was the only perfect thing I'd ever had," he said. "I didn't want to watch it get eroded, eaten away every day by this shitty school and this awful world. I wanted to hold it, to remember it, to make sure that it never changed. That it never went away."
"So you just disappeared?" I was becoming upset. "Taine, what the hell? You made Sly and Blaine move, changed schools, all just to freeze our relationship in your head like a bug in amber?"
"No, no, no," Taine said, exasperation creeping in. "Sly wanted a nicer house, with more room. He didn't want me being bullied at Polk anymore. He wanted Blaine to have his own area in the house, all that stuff. So he started looking around for places in Windcrest, so I could still be close to you, or near Chamberlain so we could still take the bus and see each other. "
"So why Alamo Heights?" I cried out. "If he wanted us to be close together, why the hell did he pick Alamo Heights? That's all the way across the fucking city! The bus doesn't even go there unless you go downtown first and come back up! It takes like five hours!"
"I know," he smirked. "I just did that, and if Blaine wasn't picking me up, I'd have to do it again. I don't start school until Monday. But I had to talk to you one more time. I had to see you and tell you why, so you wouldn't wonder."
He came over to me and gently brushed the tears from my cheeks, taking my face in both of his soft, perfect hands and raising it to look at him. He wasn't crying, I noticed, and the thought made me cry harder.
"Rick," he said evenly, "I asked Sly to get a house in Alamo Heights. Shit... every day that I stayed here, Ricky. Every time you had to fight for me, or Sly's car got vandalized, or your dog got killed, or some other thing happened that would only happen to me, you would love me less. And don't say that you wouldn't, because I know you would. I didn't want that to happen... I don't want that to ever happen. I want you to remember us the way that I remember us."
I exhaled sharply and knocked his hands from my face, standing up and walking away from him. Then my anger got the better of me and I turned, my expression a mask of rage. I pointed my index finger at him, furiously jabbing the air to punctuate my words.
"You are so full of SHIT!" I growled. "You just ride into town, make me fall in love with you, make me fight for you, make me decide I can never love anyone else but YOU! Then you are going to turn around and ride right out of my life because you're too afraid to handle a real relationship? The mysterious fucking stranger who makes everyone swoon and then gallops away before anyone really knows him? Is that how you see yourself?"
Taine's eyes widened at my verbal assault. He backed up a few feet, but made no attempt to flee, which strengthened my resolve. He needed to hear this and I needed to say it.
"That's not you, Taine! All the Bauhaus and the perfect snowfalls and sad poems and pretty pictures are just your way of hiding what's really great about you! Life isn't a Goth song, Taine, and it would be really fucked up if it was. And neither is love. You can't spend the rest of your life in and out of infatuation with some stupid Wednesday Addams that disappoints you every other day. You are starving yourself of real love in some fantasy world of snowflakes and moonbeams when it's right here in front of your face!"
I stopped then, dropping my hand and softening my tone. I didn't want to scare him, and he seemed so afraid, so lost, so hurt all the time. Passion scared him, anger scared him, sex scared him, love scared him, I scared him. I didn't want to scare him. I only wanted to love him.
"Taine," I said gently. "Nothing on this earth could ever make me stop loving you. Can't you see that?"
"There is one thing," he said. "You're a great friend to me, Ricky. And before I say this, please don't think that what we did together was bad for me, or that I thought it was wrong, or anything like that. But I can't be gay. I'm not gay. I'm straight. What we did was really amazing, but it wasn't amazing because of the sex."
"You could have fooled me," I sneered, but instantly regretted it when I saw the frustration building in him again.
"No!" Taine barked. "Maybe it looked that way, but... no. It was amazing because of the feelings, the closeness, the... just being open with another person with no walls. It gets so hard to hold these walls up all the time... it tears me apart inside every day from the effort of holding up these damn walls... and it was nice to let them down for a few weeks with you. Really nice, but I can't do that forever. I can't. I wish I could, but I can't."
"Nice," I repeated. "It was 'really nice'. Like a poem or a song. Nice. You know what's nice, Taine? Waking up in the morning in the arms of someone who loves you more than life itself. Who would kill or die for you. Who would take all the crazy shit you dish out and love you anyway. Who can fight with you over the lyrics to 'The Matador' and still kiss you even in the middle of the argument. Who doesn't use the fact that you're in bed sick as an excuse to cheat on you. Who will always put your needs above his own. And who can fuck up sometimes and you love them anyway. And you explain to them how they fucked up and they love you enough to try not to do it again."
Taine nodded. "Yes, but I'm not gay. You want me falling asleep in your arms and wishing it was Cheryl Tiegs? You want me telling you I don't want to make love with you because once that initial emotional explosion happened, all it means to me is that we're good friends who live together? You want me still feeling that what I really want is out there somewhere and I'm just hanging around to spare your feelings? Every day, that would eat away at both of us until we were just like that dirty slush and black ice. Do you want that?"
I shook my head.
"No," I said. "And that's not what would happen. I get it, Taine. You don't want your soulmate to be a guy. I understand that. In your perfect world, I'd be a big-titted Goth chick who floats on the air and sings about ravens and graveyards. But you know what? That would be Hell for you. Because you love me. And I love you. And what we love about each other is something you will never find in a woman, nor will I. You know it, and I know it. And we'll never find it in any other man, either. This isn't about straight or gay or bi, Taine. It's about YOU and ME! And that's a lot more important than sex, Babes. Which, by the way, you enjoyed whether you want to admit it or not. I was there."
Then it dawned on me.
"I was there," I whispered. "I was there! That's why you wanted to pick up and leave and never see me again. It got to you, and you wanted to erase it. And the way to do that... was to not be around... the only other person who knew how much you enjoyed it. You're ashamed of us. That's why you left. You feel guilty and you're ashamed of us!"
I stared at him, stunned, looking for confirmation in his eyes. But the brim of the cap had come down. Taine was disengaging from me, maybe forever.
"You can think that if you want," Taine said, his voice sad and -- it seemed to me -- disappointed in my conclusions. "It seems like everything I say... even the little subtle things underneath that tell someone how you really feel... no matter how much I talk, no matter how much I 'open up'... I still get misunderstood more and more."
"Explain it to me," I said. "Two statements: One... 'What we had was the only perfect thing I've ever had in my life.' Two... 'I'm straight.' It doesn't make any sense, Taine. If you have a problem with the way our feelings get labeled, let's not label them. Let's just be together. We don't have to call what we have anything that makes you uncomfortable. It's just us, Taine. Just us."
"People have enough reasons to pick on me already," Taine said. "I just can't, Rick. Even if I really was gay, I couldn't deal with all of that. This is Texas, Rick. It's not normal."
"Normal? Since when have you ever cared about being normal in any other way? Taine... I love you. I know you love me, too. Don't end us before we've even really begun."
"I love you as a friend, Rick," Taine said. "But I can't be here. I can't be around you, because otherwise... well, it's better for both of us."
"Stop saying that!" I exclaimed. "It's not better for either one of us. And definitely not for me! Taine... Babes... I can't live without you. I can't."
I knew it was a lost cause. Taine looked up at me again, his face compassionate, warm. It was the "let him down easy" look and I hated it.
"You'll live," he said. "Please, Ricky. Live, love, be happy. I'll try to do the same. Please wish me luck in that."
The lump in my throat wouldn't let me speak. I just nodded, tears streaming from my eyes. I heard an engine in the parking lot behind me, and turned to see Blaine's Charger pulling up to take Taine away from me forever.
Taine shuffled slowly by me, his head down. He paused at my side, touching my shoulder briefly before hurrying to his brother's car.
I didn't turn around until I heard the sounds of the Charger's engine fading away as it pulled onto Walzem Road.
I looked at the empty space where the car had been, wiped my eyes, and took a deep, lonely breath before walking back inside the school.
Thank you for reading Chapter 44 & 45. To be continued...
Once again, I'm always happy to hear from readers at DJAkeeba@aol.com. You have all been so supportive and encouraging, and I thank you all for your e-mails.
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