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***************** Tomboy *****************
--------- Chapter 3 --------- When I entered the kitchen Lina was cutting up some chicken, she smiled at me.
"I'm going out for a while after dinner." I said and tried to sound as casual as possible.
"It's ok, I can drive you to her. In the meantime I'm going to mom and dad to pick up the clothes you've bought for the graduation. She said you had forgotten hem."
"Have you read?"
She nodded. "It's ok, I'm not telling anyone else anything and I'm not going to ask you what it's about if you don't want to tell me."
"Maybe another time."
"Ok."
As agreed we went after dinner and Lina dropped me off at the crossing to Alexandra's street before she continued home to mom and dad. She said she'd come and get me in two hours and if I'd go earlier from there I could call and she'd come and get me. After I had got out of the car I headed up the street. The gate was already open so I went on in and up the small set of stairs to the front door. I knocked gently. Apparently she has waited for me because she opened it almost right away. She looked happy and relieved.
"C-come in!"
She moved aside so I could go past her and into the house and then closed the door. I took off my shoes and she then brought me up to her room. I heard that the TV was on somewhere but I couldn't hear if anyone else was there, I assumed she had been the one watching. She sat down on the bed while I remained standing. I didn't really know what to say, for one this was a situation I'd never been in before and on the same time I was a little unsure where we had each other.
"I'm sorry for what's happened. It was never my intention to hurt you like I did... Don't really know what to say to explain it." She began. "But I guess I got jealous or something and wanted to make you jealous too by kissing Tony. I didn't know you saw it of course but I'm sure the word will get around. I thought we had something and suddenly you just ran off without telling me why and then I saw you with another girl that turned out to be your sister... It became... Everything became so wrong, horribly wrong."
"It's my fault too. I understand your reaction to why I disappeared like I did. But I had my reason for it. You shouldn't think it's your fault because it really isn't, but in a way it involves you... and everyone else around me. The worst thing is that not many will understand, maybe not even you."
"Well, I-I don't understand... A-are you ill? Seriously?"
I smiled at her and slowly shook my head. "No, nothing like that. Even though it would've been much easier to explain."
"But I can't see anything wrong with you."
"Believe me, one can hide an awful lot too easily."
"Please, please! Can't you tell me? I want to understand what's keeping us from being together. Please, Kim!" She rose up and came over to me.
I looked down on my feet to avoid her gaze but since she was shorter than me she didn't have any problem to find my eyes and look into them again. I realized that I wouldn't be able to avoid it any longer if I were to have the slightest chance to get to be with her. Was there even a mild way to tell someone about a thing like this really?
"There's not really any way to sugar-coat this. But I can say as much that this is something that's been going on since I went to kindergarten. In a way you can say it was by my own choice because back then I really didn't want to have on anything else than regular pants and regular shirts and I absolutely refused to have long hair. Now that I've come up to the gymnasium one starts to get other priorities and interests than you've had before, not to mention that the possibility to meet someone increases... someone like you for instance..."
Alexandra had a very puzzled and thoughtful look on her face.
"I'm... not really sure what you're trying to tell me..."
"No, I can understand that. Do you think I could ask you for a favour?"
"Yeah... sure... I guess..."
"Even if what you're about to find out makes you... upset in some way, do you think we could keep it between us? I'm sure everyone else will find out eventually but do you think you could do me that service?"
She nodded, although hesitantly. I could see that she looked very bothered and definitely didn't like that I dragged it out. "If you do me the favour of telling me I promise it will stay between us." She added.
"Ok, that's no more than fair. So... umm... How do you think I look? Really. Strange question maybe but answer anyway please."
"Well... good... You look like you always do."
"So you've never thought that maybe I really should've had a completely different appearance?"
She shook her head.
"I can say that if mom had gotten her way when I was younger I'd have long hair, makeup and a dress in this heat..."
And the cat was out of the bag. In the same moment she actually understood what I meant I could see her eyes widening a little, her pupils narrowing considerably, her breathing somewhat forced and she became rigid as a statue. I expected her to explode or something, or that she'd at least ask me to leave. But none of that happened. She looked me up and down several times but then shook her head.
"It doesn't work, you don't look like a girl. You're joking with me or something, right?"
"In what way doesn't it work? Do I look more like a guy than the real deal or something?"
"Well, no but... you... look, you know... regular."
"Yeah, you get pretty good at looking regular after thirteen years of efforts."
"But you haven't got..." She said and made a gesture over her bust.
"You have no idea what you can accomplish with bandages."
"But you've got..." She said and made another gesture, but towards my crotch area.
I shook my head. "Socks."
She still looked unconvinced so I simply put my hand down my pants, to her great shock, and brought them up. She just gaped, totally speechless. Her surprised look switched after a while to something else. I couldn't for certain determine what it was. It seemed somehow to be a kind of restrictive curiosity. Kind of like, if one were to make a macabre comparison, when Victor Frankenstein saw his creation move for the first time. Slowly she came up to me, felt carefully over the bare skin on my arm, I had a t-shirt with sleeves that reached my elbows. She caressed the soft hairs I had on my arm, seemed to really feel if I was telling the truth or not. Her eyes focused on my face and studied it thoroughly for the slightest trace of stubble that could indicate beard growth... But nothing!
"Well, it seems to fit in many ways... your skin... no beard... but..."
I snorted. "How solid proof do you need? Is my word not good enough?"
"Yes, but you've got to understand me too. This is coming kinda sudden!"
"I understand. I'm more astonished that you haven't run off screaming yet."
She laughed. "Why would I do that?"
"I can think of several reasons, but I'm glad you didn't."
We stood watching each other for a while without talking. It wasn't an awkward silence, rather we tried to sense each other somehow.
"Maybe I should go home now..." I said after a whole.
She didn't say anything at first but when I turned around to at least go to the door she grabbed a hold of my hand.
"Do you have to go?"
"N-no, not for another while but..."
"Can't you just stay for a little while? I was watching TV downstairs, maybe you want to sit for a while with me?"
"Ok."
She smiled at me, the same lovely smile I got at the café a few days earlier, and brought me down to the room where I had heard the TV sounds come from. We sat there more or less in silence a good while before I heard my sister honk outside, I looked at the time and saw that it had been a bit over two hours. I got to the door pretty quick and put on my shoes. Just as I was about to go outside she stopped me.
"How will things become between us?" She asked.
"I don't know... how would you want them to become?"
"I don't know either. In a way I feel like I've got a hard time for the fact that you're not the one I thought I was getting to know... But on the same time it's still something genuine about you, it's not like you advertised being a guy even though you didn't say anything else either. One could discuss your choice in changing-room though. It feels like I somewhere actually suspected it... But the fact that you're actually a girl makes things so much more complicated, I don't even know if I want or can be with a girl. I've never actually considered if that was anything for me... But you're special somehow..."
"So do you want to meet again?" I wondered moderately hopeful.
She smiled. "Let's start over from square one... more or less anyway. How about us going to the school party together and see what happens?"
"Ok! Should I come and get you?"
"Let's meet at school at seven, by the bicycle stands."
"That'd be great!"
She put her arms around my neck and gave me a long hug. My hands carefully put themselves on her waist. Before she let go she looked me in the eyes.
"Even if it wouldn't work out between us we could still be very good friends..."
I nodded a little sadly, those famous words... Alexandra noticed and reached up to my ear.
"We'll sleep on it, see what happens tomorrow... Don't give up hope, please!" She whispered.
She gave me a kiss on the cheek and the smiled at me. We didn't say anything else and I opened the door and went out to Lina that waited patiently. By consideration she didn't ask me about what we had talked about but I understood she wanted to know. When we were lying in bed to go to sleep I began to tell her a little about what really had happened and how everyone for so many years actually had believed I was a guy. I couldn't understand how she could be so understanding as she was. If mom and dad had got to know the whole story about my "masquerade" they'd have gone mental. Lina hugged me hard before we lay down to sleep.
The next morning I woke very early, a full hour before I was supposed to. What was worse, I was wide awake. As I began to think I couldn't stop and it was all about Alexandra. I was getting to meet her again. My body filled with an indescribable happiness. But first I'd have to wait for over twelve hours and that made me feel extremely frustrated. To pass the time until I had to go to school for a while for the end of another year I sat down to watch TV.
About one and a half hours later Lina woke up too and was a bit surprised to find me sleeping in the sofa in front of a turned on TV. She shook me out of the land of dreams but didn't say anything, instead she went into the bathroom to get herself started. My head got back on track pretty fast and joined her in there to make myself ready on the same time. We ate breakfast together before Lina disappeared for work. I remained at home for a little while more before I went off to school. About halfway there I saw a group of guys standing a bit away on the other side of the street, I recognized one of them as the guy that Alexandra kissed the other day. When he caught sight of me he said something to the others and pointed at me. He had just begun to walk when one of the other guys stopped him, told him something that made him look around and made his eyes stick to something behind me. I looked that way and saw it was a police vehicle they had reacted to. For the first time in a long while I got really scared. I could only guess what they were going to do to me if that was what was stopping them so I hurried as much as I could so I could get away from there before the police did. Fortunately the guys didn't follow but I didn't slow down until I was inside the school and sat down to breathe at the nearest bench. Janne came and sat down beside me.
"Dude, you look like you ran here."
"Almost" I panted.
"Why? It's plenty of time before we start."
"I know, but some guys seemed really eager for a chat with me. The only thing that seemed to stop them was a police car that happened to patrol there at that moment."
"Wow, but what did they want with you?"
"No idea, but I'm not sure I want to find out."
"Did you know any of them?"
"One."
"Who?"
"Tony."
"What? You mean Melin?"
"That's the one!"
"Damn! Couldn't you have chosen anyone else to clash with?"
"I kinda wish I knew what I had done to them first."
"Should be Tony that holds a grudge against you in that case since he is the only one you knew."
In reality I had a pretty good inkling about the reason to why he wanted a talk with me. Alexandra! The question was what he wanted, but the impression I got wasn't exactly to my advantage. I just didn't know what to do about it, I couldn't really go to Alexandra with it. The best thing would probably be to avoid him until the rumour spread what he wanted with me.
"Yeah, maybe..." I said absentmindedly.
We didn't talk more about it and after a while the time had reached 8.20 and it was time to go to the assembly room. It took over an hour before the principal had finished his speech and the orchestra had done their part. A funny thing was that even our head of class, or mentor as they so delightfully called it now days, looked so bored he seemed to want to sneak out of there faster than us. When the ceremony was over we were all supposed to go to a class room for a more private finish, but he more or less just told us to take some papers for next year and go home. All other classes were still stuck there. Only a few from my own had to remain because they were going to be left back and the vice principal was coming to lecture them. My class dispersed quickly after we had chatted for a little while. We were going to meet later that evening anyway so we didn't linger. Everyone wanted to get home to get ready for the party. As I went home I constantly looked over my shoulder, worried that the gang would be following me or that they'd jump out from behind a corner somewhere.
Fortunately for me they didn't and I got home to the apartment without any incidents. I was pretty worked up though and stood leaning on the door for several minutes before I had calmed down and my heart beat at a normal pace again. Despite that I was tense as a fiddle string I felt a longing for a nice long bath. Lina had an apartment in a relatively newly renovated building and when doing that they also put in a bathtub which probably contributed to her choice of moving there since she loved to bathe. In the other apartments she had looked at there had only been showers. I went into the bathroom and turned the water on in the tub, adjusting the temperature before putting the plug in, as opposed to when showering I liked to bathe hot. While it began filling up I took off my clothes, threw them in a pile on the floor, and after that I unwrapped the bandage around my breasts. I sat down on top of the toilet and pulled my feet up so I could cut the nails while I waited. Thoughts got the opportunity to make themselves known and I started to contemplate how my life really was. How had it been up until just recently? What efforts I had put into hiding my true self and neglected myself, my body. I looked down between my legs. There was a bush a la 70's, never ever cut at all.
The thought of Alexandra and me in bed together came as infallible as rain during a picnic. It hit me that maybe it was finally time to do that, smarten myself up there too. I decided pretty quick to do that and rose up to slow the water a little so it would take a little longer to fill what was left. A small scissor hung on a hook on the wall so I took it and then sat down on the toilet again after opening up the lid. Slowly I began to trim away the wild grown bush in my crotch. Granted I didn't remove all of it but it was still a considerable reduction. Both my mound and my labia now appeared much clearer than ever before. I couldn't help taking Lina's makeup mirror and hold it down there to get a proper look of my most private area. What I saw completely enthralled me, something I've had down there for so long without really thinking about it, not really wanting to acknowledge it. For some reason I woke from my reverie and had to throw myself on the tap to turn it off. The water had risen so much it was on the verge of overflowing. With the level it was now I wouldn't have been able to get in it so I had to pull out the plug for a little while to let some out.
I put my hand in the water, maybe a slightly too warm but I didn't care so I climbed in and slowly lowered myself into the hot water. It felt incredibly good to be engulfed by the soft liquid. It felt like I could only now relax, not having to pretend anymore. Trying to clear my thoughts didn't even work when lying in there, just as before the thought of me and Alexandra in bed together drifted into my head. The thought was exciting to say the least. I'm not sure how long I lay there fantasising about it but eventually it couldn't take it anymore. Although I wished I could've given me the orgasm right then and there the water would just wash away my secretions which would make it more unpleasant than enjoyable to masturbate. I had to get out of the bath fast. The towel I had hung on the basin was easily accessible and I pulled the plug on the same time as I stood up and began to dry myself off. Soon I was out of the tub and hesitated for a few seconds where I should lay down, I quickly decided to use the bed and wise from previous experience I brought the towel. Since Lina wasn't home I didn't bother putting my clothes on or wrap myself in the towel.
When I came into the bedroom I put the towel on the bed before slumping down on top. My arousal had not decreased, on the contrary. Just the thought that I'd soon get to caress myself made the tingle increase in strength. Slowly I began massaging my breasts, I wanted to drag it out a little while, but if I'd be able to was another matter. I pinched a little on the nipple and a jolt went through my body and I couldn't help but to grunt. They had been pretty hard before but now stiffened even more. I massaged my nipples between the thumbs and the index fingers on the same time as I massaged my full breasts. Pretty fast I began to run my hands down towards the crotch. When my hands traced over my stomach, particularly the area around my bellybutton which was very sensitive on me, I closed my eyes because of pure pleasure. I let my fingers caress lightly around the area for a while before I let them slowly continue down over my mound. As I did that I pulled up my legs and parted them to get better access. The fingers made their way down towards the pussy and my body jerked as I brushed my clitoris.
I didn't have time for fantasies because now I knew it would go way too fast to take time for that. Two fingers slid down between the lips and when they arrived at the entrance to my vagina they slipped inside without any problem at all. For maximum effect I used my other hand to stimulate the clitoris and in just a few seconds the buzz in my stomach increased violently and with a jolt that ran through my whole body the orgasm unleashed. A wave of pleasure spread inside me emanating from between my legs, the clitoris and the pulsating vulva. My back arched upwards because of the spasms that shot through me and a long drawn-out guttural moan of sexual satisfaction came from somewhere deep down in my throat. I sank back down on the bed and enjoyed the vibrating sensation I still got from my pussy. At that moment my life felt really pleasant. It felt like it might just sort itself out after all. Suddenly I heard a sound, as if someone was stacking plates in the kitchen. I got a little scared because as far as I knew Linda didn't get of work this early. Quickly I jumped out of bed, grabbed for a shirt and a pair of boxers that I threw on. After that I tiptoed out of the room and to the kitchen. I peeked in and saw Lina doing the dishes. She saw me.
"Hey Kim!" She said happily.
"What are you doing home?"
"I live here, thank you very much. Nice to see you too." When she said that she halted and seemed to regret saying that because a slight shade of red spread on her cheeks.
Since she was in the kitchen it was inevitable she had seen what I was doing on the bed. The door stood open and she had gone right past it, moreover you could see straight into the bedroom though the mirror when you came inside the door.
"Yes I know, but this early?" I said trying to pretend like nothing had happened.
"I took out some compensatory time, I only had one patient this afternoon and he cancelled. I thought I'd come home and keep you company."
"Oh, umm, I... didn't know..."
"It's ok. You couldn't have known. As long as you clean after yourself..."
"S-sure!"
I went to fetch the towel and went back to the bathroom. It felt so horribly embarrassing that she has seen me. Seen me do something I almost never do, or at least didn't do very often before I met Alexandra. The odds are minimal. Oh well, that's Murphy's Law for you. She seemed to handle it well though. I gathered my clothes, collected the stuff in my pockets and put them in the hamper. After doing that I removed the t-shirt again and began to carefully rewrap my breasts in the bandage. It was still a bit away before it was time to go back to school, but this time for a party, although with someone to pass the time with it might not be so bad.
"Do you want a ride to school later?" Lina asked outside the door.
"Yes please!"
I actually looked forward to it.
Lina had let me off a bit away from the school so I walked the last bit to the bicycle stand where I was supposed to meet Alexandra. I was a little early so she hadn't arrived yet. Many people passed before the time hit seven but she still wasn't there. Josefin came walking past with a guy I'd never seen before. She grinned at me, I didn't know why and it wasn't really a pleasant grin either. Several times I thought I saw Alexandra come but every time it was another girl. Twenty minutes later she had still failed to show. I felt disappointed but I thought I'd go in and check the sports hall, where the party was, just in case we had somehow misunderstood each other. The party was in full swing in there, the dance floor already half full. I would never find her in there even if I tried. I turned around to walk out when a fist came at me, I didn't have much time to react but managed to get my left arm up that took the blow. It hurt like fucking hell but I hardly had a moment to think before the same fist came at me again. I had trained some boxing until the end of last year and my reflexes was still working well. Even if I didn't avoid the blow altogether I still fell back enough that his ring only scratched me under the eye instead of hitting me. I lost my balance and fell backwards. Tony stood there looking down at me.
"You should stay the fuck away from others girlfriends, you got that you little whore!"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You know damn well what I'm talking about! Stay away from Alexandra, you don't have anything to do with her anymore. We're together now and you'll stay away or I'll give you so much thrashing you won't be able to stand ever again."
More and more people noted what was happening.
"Why should I care what you say?"
"You don't need to listen to what I say. Listen to Alexandra because she says she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. Not since your little revelation."
I froze. Did he know? Had Alexandra told him?
"You're lying!"
"Oh no I'm not. She simply didn't appreciate that you lied about that you're really a girl, a lesbian little cunt that don't know her own good."
A collective gasp was heard among those that listened and an audible mumbling began. At that point I lost it and launched at him from the floor and punched him straight in the face. He wasn't ready for it and almost fell backwards. I was back on him right away and kicked him on the small of the leg so he collapsed to his knees. Once again I threw myself on him and wrestled him to the floor and began hitting him in the stomach over and over again. Not until then did four strong arms grab me and tore me away from him. Before I was out of reach I managed to administer a hard kick between his legs. It was a hired guard from Securitas and one of the bigger guys in the football team that now had me in a firm grip. Never in my entire life had I been that pissed off. Or furious was probably more accurate. Tony lay on the floor moaning, the blood dripping from his nose. He had thrown up a bit because of my beating of his midriff. Suddenly he wasn't very cocky anymore. At the moment I had parried any intrusive questions but unfortunately I knew that rumours would start very fast. Everyone in the hall hadn't seen what had happened and much would probably get distorted on the way.
Now that my adrenaline rush began to ebb away I suddenly began to feel the intense pain in one of the arms they were holding in a tight grip behind my back. I began to scream and I nearly passed out. They quickly released me when they understood something was wrong, I stumbled and hit the wall back first and sank down to the floor, clutching my arm. Sirens approached and stopped outside, someone had called the police about the fight. I was disoriented because of the pain and only got fragments of what happened. They called after an ambulance for Tony and I got a lift with one of the two police cars. People probably thought I'd be going to jail. A nurse took care of me when we came there, one of the policemen that arrived with me went to check on my 'friend' while the other stayed with me. Maybe to see that I didn't run, fat chance of that. The kind woman patched me up, put some surgical tape below my eye. Fortunately it didn't need stitching. A doctor came and examined the arm and concluded that nothing was broken, just a pretty bad sprain. They put a bandage on to keep the swelling down and said I had to keep it on for two days, I also had to keep it as still as possible for at least two weeks so he got the nurse to fix me support for the arm. Lina came after abut fifteen minutes and almost threw herself around my neck.
"Are you ok? What's happened? I got a call from your nurse, Eva, she said you were hurt."
"You know her?" I said in an attempt to avoid the question.
"Yes, we usually eat lunch together. Is it true you were in a fight?"
I squirmed uncomfortably but knew there was no use to lie. "Yes..."
"Why? How?"
I explained as best I could what had happened. She listened to my full story without interrupting, a trait she had probably inherited from grandma. There were not really any emotions visible that could tell me what she really thought but she didn't seem angry at me at least. She didn't comment on what I had said but seemed to accept the explanation. We sat there in silence waiting for the other cops to come back with witness statements. Although after a while she broke it.
"Alexandra called you know. She left a message on the machine."
"Yeah...?" I said uninterested.
"She wanted you to call her. Apparently she had become sick so she couldn't come to meet you at school."
"How appropriate..."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that it was very comfortable leaving a message on there instead of calling me directly and say she didn't want to come."
"What's with you? She said she had erased your number by mistake... She sounded really sorry."
Despite this I couldn't feel anything other than anger towards Alexandra. The more I thought about what Lina had just said the more it grew. If she had just blown me off I could've understood, but to go and tell everything to Tony and then say that he should tell everyone else was too much. At that moment the other policemen came to talk and I forced myself to put my anger aside for a little while. They greeted Lina and then turned to me and asked to hear my version.
"Well, they sound fairly consistent." One of them said after listening to me. "He admits that he started the fight even though he in his own way don't think it's unprovoked. But since you after all gave him a good pummel he had the possibility to press charges which he declined provided you didn't either. Your school will still make a report but it's up to you if you want to make your own..."
He left it open for me to answer. I didn't know what I wanted to do. On one hand I had a good mind to just make his life a bitch but knew it wouldn't help to press charges, nothing would happen anyway since we had probably both caused an equal amount of damage to each other. But on the same time it wouldn't help me. I didn't want anything else to do with Alexandra anyway. The charges from the school would probably give trouble enough.
"No... I don't. I don't want anything to do with him again."
"Well, we can't guarantee that but if that's how you want it..."
"Yes!"
"Ok. Should you change your mind come to the station as fast as possible."
"Sure..."
They bade goodbye and left.
We came home at about eleven that evening. I was horribly tired but on the same time I felt I was going to have a hard time going to sleep, as seemed customary as of late my head was filled to the brim with thoughts. While Lina went to the bedroom to unmake the bed I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I took the toothbrush and put it in the, for the moment, more or less immobile hand, put on some toothpaste and used my good hand to brush. All bad thoughts were coming back and my hands were shaking slightly. When I was finished brushing I slumped down on the toilet, the porcelain lid was cold and hard. How could all this happen? How could Alexandra be so evil? I thought about everything that had happened before I told her. It wasn't been easy but the more I thought about it the more certain I was that I loved her. As soon as I really realized that the tears came flowing over me with full force, I began to cry. I tried to keep the sobs down so Lisa wouldn't hear but she did anyway.
"Kim? Are you ok?"
I couldn't answer because then she would really have heard that I was sad, she did anyway of course. She somehow opened the door despite that I had locked it and hurried over to me.
"Oh honey, what's the matter?"
Even if I wanted to I couldn't get any words out, I just began to sob even more. Lina squatted down beside me and brought me into a hug. I pressed myself hard into her shoulder. We sat like that for a long time before I had calmed myself down somewhat.
"Has this got to do with Alexandra?"
I just nodded. She didn't ask any more but walked me to the bedroom and helped me to bed, I had some trouble with the clothes but she aided me. As she sat down on the bedside beside me she looked lovingly at me and sighed.
"I can't understand what you're going through or what's really going on but I hope you won't hesitate for a second to come to me if you need it."
I nodded and reached up and hugged her. She then rose and walked out of the room, turned out the light and closed the door. I was lying there thinking for a long time but eventually fell asleep, Lina had still not come to bed.