To Places Unknown

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The Van Horne had docked in New York to pick up cargo and some new crew since a few of us had enough of wandering back and forth from New York to, well, all over the place. Cargo ships are like cities: vast and anonymous with a crew whose only purpose was to make sure everything worked and that the cargo was secure. In big storms, we had to constantly check to make sure everything remained where it was supposed to be.

But there were long periods with not much to do, especially if the ocean was calm. My previous roommate, Tom, had decided to call it quits. He wanted to spend time actually relating to people rather than just hang around with a bunch of guys talking shit and doing mundane work. I couldn't blame him, really. I was twenty-eight and had been on the ships since I left home at nineteen. Mostly to get away from my father who was and probably still is, an asshole. His idea of a meaningful conversation with his kids was to talk with his fist. So when I came of age, I told him to screw himself and left.

But even though I couldn't blame Tom for leaving, I knew I didn't want to go back to the real world -- at least not yet. I knew I was going to miss the guy. We shared a little cabin -- among dozens of little cabins on the ship. Ours didn't have once of those communal bunkhouse things and I was sure glad of that. I like my privacy, and Tom respected that. We didn't talk much, but we had a kind of easy thing going that made if really comfortable. No big conversations, no fighting, no drunken nights. We just worked and hung out playing cards.

So I missed the guy. I hadn't ever been in a relationship and I rarely had friends. My dad taught me that it wasn't worth really knowing other people. It didn't even cross my mind to wonder if something was missing. Oh sure, I jacked off like any guy, but not very often, and frankly, I didn't know what all the fuss was about. It felt nice and all, but after it was over, there was just a sticky mess I had to wipe up with whatever I could grab. Tom, on the other hand, seemed to have his hand on his dick all the time. I asked him once what that was all about and he looked at me like I had three heads.

"Man, it's about the chicks, right? I mean come on...you whack off, I hear you sometimes. What goes through your head when your beating it?"

I realized I had no idea what he was talking about. I learned from Tom that other guys actually think about sex with actual people. When I jerked off it was just about the feelings. It was nice and passed some time and then it was over. I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me.

So when Tom left, the only person I really talked to was gone and I wondered who would replace him. And I felt lonely the second he was gone. That surprised me since I hadn't missed any of the people I had left behind before -- like my father and my brother, other friends on other ships.

My brother is a good guy, don't get me wrong, but our way of dealing with our fuck-up of a dad was to retreat to our rooms and never talk. I hear that other siblings kind of band together if they're living with nut-bars for parents, but that's not what Sid and I did. He's a year younger than me and we were often mistaken for twins. But while I'm quiet and don't talk much, he's the opposite. I think his way of dealing with dad was to turn up the volume on his personality. We all have to survive however we survive.

So I was lying in my bunk the afternoon we were docked in New York. I knew there was somebody replacing Tom, and I was uncomfortable. Who would it be? I hoped he wasn't an asshole. It would be a guy. Women never take these jobs and frankly, they would be crazy to. A woman in this place would get eaten alive.

I was almost dozing off when the door to our little cabin opened and in walked a tall guy with shaggy brown hair. His eyes were bright blue and he looked about twelve.

"Hey, you must be Stu. Greg, nice to meet you." He walked over to the bunk and extended a big, muscular hand. I looked at him for a moment, inwardly groaning. Fuck. The chatty type. I could always tell. But I played nice since we were going to be living at close quarters for who the fuck knew how long.

"Yup, I'm Stu. You can put your stuff in the bottom drawer." I pointed to a small dresser, which was the only other furniture in the room. You can't fit much in a ten by twelve cabin except beds.

"Thanks man." He threw his bag on the other bed and sat down. "This is a big fuckin' mother of a ship."

I had to laugh. "Yeah, and this is only medium sized."

His eyes got bigger. "Fuck...!" He looked around the cabin as if looking for something. "Pretty bare these cabins, huh?"

"There's not much need for decorations around here."

He turned to me and laughed. "I guess. So...the head guy...what's his name? Anyway, he said you would show me around and tell me what I'm supposed to do."

I sighed inside. Fuck. "You've never done this before, I guess?"

He looked sheepish. "Naw. I just graduated from college and wanted to see some of the world and this seemed like a good way to do it and make some cash while I'm at it."

"Well you'll see a lot of cargo, and a shit-load of water. But yeah, when we get to the next destination, you'll have a chance to look around before we head off again."

This was true. I'd seen a bunch of the world I never would have seen otherwise, so I got why he was there. I looked at his hair which was wavy and hung down to his shoulders in a kind of budget rock-star kind of way. Mine was always buzzed short so I was almost surprised. I decided to give him a tour.

I gave him the quick tour, since with a ship this big, a detailed one would take a week. We saw one of the cargo bays which are like fucking football stadiums, especially when they're empty. I showed him the mess hall, the lounges, the bathrooms. All the usual stuff on a ship like this. He seemed eager and excited and it was almost infectious. I remember feeling that way when I first got on a ship.

I introduced him to some of the guys and I noticed he had an easy way with people and they liked him right away, even the old crusty ones who hated everyone. I realized this boded well for him being my roommate. He seemed to be easy to get along with and on a ship like this, that counts for a lot.

We had dinner with some of the guys and then called it a night. Tomorrow morning we had to get up really early because they were going to start loading this fucker of a ship which took ages and we had to make sure everything went smoothly.

That first day was a blur. Greg shadowed me and watched what I was doing. He was keen and kept his eyes open. He was learning fast and within a few hours, was actually being helpful. Another good sign. So the days passed and eventually the ship was loaded and we left New York bound for Southampton. Once the ship left the crew could relax after a shit-ton of work.

Later, after we ate, Greg and I collapsed in our beds. I had a feeling he would want to talk and all I wanted was to shut my eyes and be gone. "Night." I shut off the light over my bed and turned on my side away from him.

I woke up a few hours later and just stared at into the dark. I could hear something and I knew right away what it was since I got used to Tom doing it. Greg was jacking off. It's a total give-away and if someone thinks it's not obvious, then they're pretty dim.

I listened for a while for some reason. I occasionally listened to Tom, but for reasons I didn't think about, I lay there, the soft rhythm kind of putting me into a trance. I realized I was getting hard, which was weird. I ignored my cock and tried to fall asleep, but I couldn't. After a while, I heard a quiet grunt and I knew he was done and I could relax. I fell asleep, wondering why I needed to relax.

The next morning when my alarm went off, Greg was already up. He was lying in his bunk reading.

"You read?" It was obvious, but no one on these ships read books.

"Yeah. It relaxes me."

"What is it?"

He held up the book. The cover had some kind of painting on it and said Howard's End. I had no idea what that was, but it looked like something I would never read. I decided not to say anything.

He looked at me for a moment. "You don't read much, I guess?"

"Naw. I read what I had to in high school, but after that...well I had other things to worry about."

"Like what?"

He was the inquisitive type it seemed. "Oh you know. Trying to be an adult. Deal with shit."

I hoped the conversation would end. "Shit?"

I sighed. I felt like I had to answer. He clearly was just asking and I also realized I kind of wanted to say something after all. "Oh, my family. I mean get the fuck away from them. Or at least my father. He's an asshole."

He looked serious for a moment, glancing down at his hands. "I hear you. My dad's a Christian asshole, which is way worse, if you ask me."

I laughed. "So you get it."

"I guess so."

It felt nice that we shared something. He looked over at me again, putting his book down.

"So what do we do now?"

"You mean the ship? Well, not much. There's a schedule in the kitchen for the rotation. You remember -- checking the holds, checking with the engine rooms, that kind of shit. It doesn't take that long. I think you and I are on for tonight."

"So we have the rest of the day to hang around?"

"Pretty much. You can read your book, we can play cards. There's a room off the mess area with some weights and stuff if you're feeling like letting off some steam."

"Cool." He picked up his book and started to read again.

"You had breakfast?"

He turned to me and said "Yeah. I went down a while ago."

"Well, I'm going to eat. Want anything?"

"No thanks."

I went to get breakfast and talked shit with some guys for a while. I looked at my watch and it was ten but I felt like a nap, so I came back to our cabin.

Greg was still reading, which surprised me. Whenever I read, which was probably once a year, I could only manage about ten minutes.

"Hey. I'm going to take a nap. Don't mind me."

I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes and was asleep in seconds. On a ship like this with shifts that could start at two in the morning or four in the afternoon, you sleep whenever you feel like it.

I slowly became slowly became conscious and felt like I had been asleep for ages. I lay with my eyes closed. Then I heard it. He was jacking off again. In the middle of the day with me right beside him. I was kind of stunned. The soft rhythm kind of lulled me almost back to sleep, but some part of me wondered what I was supposed to do if I woke up. I turned my head a little and opened my eyes just enough so that I could see Greg.

He was lying in the same position, his book beside him. His pants were down around his knees and his shirt was off. He had his right hand on his cock, which was surprisingly big. He was a slim guy, with not very much chest hair. He had his head thrown back against the wall as his hand slid up and down his dick. His other hand was fiddling with one of his nipples and his breathing was heavy and loud.

I was kind of amazed that he was just doing it in the middle of the day. And I was also amazed and in ways that I didn't understand, that I was getting hard again. I decided to do something because I could feel myself getting panicky. I cleared my throat and stretched my arms above my head as if I was just waking up. His movements stopped.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes. I turned to him and decided to be cool. He was sitting there holding his cock looking at me with a little smile on his face.

"Oh I see you've been busy."

"Yeah. Sorry. I kind of hoped you would't wake up."

I chuckled. "It is like, the middle of the day."

"I know...but when the urge hits you...right?"

I didn't really understand, but I decided to be fine with it. I had to tear my eyes away from his cock which was drooling into his fist. "I guess..."

"You mind if I finish?"

That got me. What? He was going to jerk off in front of me? "Uh...maybe I should give you some privacy..."

"Oh come on. It'll just take a minute."

And he started to jack off again. I kind of froze on the bed but I couldn't take my eyes off him, off his cock, off his chest. He started to pump and little harder and his other hand was playing with his balls. I felt my own cock getting rigid in my pants and I had to squirm a little so it didn't get all bent out of shape. I wasn't used to having a hard-on in the middle of the day, in my pants. This was supposed to be in the dark with nothing on.

I kept watching him. I didn't know what else to do. His breathing was getting ragged and his mouth opened a bit. His was tugging on his balls as his hand slid on himself and then, with a gasp, he lifted his hips and moaned as shot after shot of cum spurted out onto his neck, his chest. Some even landed on his chin. When the last spurt poured out he turned to me with a smile. "That was great." And he sighed and closed his eyes.

I was still frozen to my bed. I didn't want to move because my cock was like iron in my pants and I couldn't imagine it wouldn't be obvious. What the fuck? I was turned on and I had no idea why. I was never turned on like this. I decided to play it cool.

"I hope everyone had a good time over there."

He laughed. "Sure did. You know how it feels."

The thing was, I didn't. Watching him pull his body up and just cover himself with cum was not something I had any experience with. And in front of someone...what was that all about?

"Yeah, sure. Good times." I tried to sound light and jokey. I was sufficiently nervous that the blood finally left my cock for other places. I had been staring at my hands and then I looked up to see him licking the hand that was holding his cock. He was licking off the gobs of cum from his fingers. I was stunned. People did that? It had never occurred to me that someone would want to actually put in their mouth. But even more, the idea kind of excited me. Again. My cock was getting interested, so I decided to get up and move.

"Well, after all that excitement, I'm going take a walk. See you in a bit. Don't forgot, we're on a six."

I looked down at him. His eyes were closed and he was just lying there, covered in his cum. Then he said, "Sure. Have a good walk."

I walked for a while, trying not to think about what I had seen. But of course it was all I could think about. I wasn't grossed out, which surprised me. I wasn't angry, or annoyed. My cock was telling me there was something interesting about it and that was the most confusing thing of all. I had never given a second's thought to my sexuality. It's not like I assumed I was straight. I didn't even get that far. The only thing that seemed clear was that from time to time, I would jerk off. But never with an actual person in mind. But watching Greg...was...interesting. The thought sat for a moment, then I quickly distracted myself by decided to check the state of the nearest cargo hold.

Part of me knew I was avoiding something, but a part of my brain that, after a lifetime of not thinking about things, was really good at changing the channel in my head. When I was a kid, it was my dad, in high school it was getting by and trying not to be obvious and now...it was Greg. The thought kept coming back. And his cock.

I came back close to six and he was dressed and ready to go. "Hey. It's time for our shift."

He smiled his smile and we left. I could tell he was thinking something, but I decided to take no notice. We worked mostly in silence for the next number of hours. At this point in the trip, there wasn't much to do, but we had to do all the inspections and make entries that we had done them. It wasn't rocket science and Greg caught on fast.

We had some dinner and sat around with some guys playing cards and having a drink. Greg continued to get along with everyone and was a bit of a ham. He told jokes and stories and got everyone on his side. I started to understand the approach he took that was different than mine. Whereas I kept to myself and tried to be invisible, he set out to win everyone over and he was successful. I wondered how bad things had been with his dad to make him such a social genius.

I'm a cheap drunk, so after a couple of gin and tonics, I was feeling loose, but a bit dozy. We went back to our cabin, talking more easily, and I even got into the joking. It was fun and Greg was so easy to be around.

I flopped on my bed and put my hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling. I heard Greg get onto his bed, then I heard his voice. "Hey man, I hope you aren't freaked out about earlier."

I turned to him and our eyes met. Was I freaked out? I don't think that was the word. "It's cool," I finally said. "You do your thing. No problem." I realized I mostly meant it. Of course he didn't know, and I didn't want to know, that I was actually kind of turned on by it.

"I'm glad. I was worried." He stopped for a moment. "You could always join in if you're into it."

To Be Continued