I finally realized, to ME, cock was and is better than pussy! Married for forty two years now and I love my wife, but not for sex anymore. Over 5 years since we had sex. To be honest, she was the reason that I chose cock after fifty three years of age, and after so many turn downs for sex with her. Yes I was gay when I married her but I would not admit it to anyone or myself. I was a closet gay. I used my marriage to hide that fact.
When I was young I was bi and loved pussy as that was easier to get than trying to find a safe guy to suck. I wanted to suck a guy but was too scared to try asking a guy if I could suck his dick. I had no idea how to get involved with guys for dick sucking.
Of course if he were straight I would be labeled a queer to the world! That I could not afford to let happen.
It took me a long time to get my mind straight enough to think about cock instead of my wife's pussy. Because, I believed in my mind, this form of male sex was not adultery as I thought it was adulterous to fuck another woman. Sex with a guy to me was not adultery.
I'm still married with two married kids. Now I'm sixty seven and living in Florida the gay capitol of the United States.
As time moves on in our marriages, the sex slows down to almost a halt. You can only hear her bitching about her head aches and back aches and pussy problems for so long.
You realize it might be you that don't smell right or look right, or whatever, but you know something is wrong in your marriage when it comes to sex. And she is not talking or telling you why. That to me, is wrong, but you still try for the sex. My wife never said why, and I never sat her down for a GOOD reason of why, which was wrong on my part. I can understand if a guy has poor hygiene issues, or is too fat. But I showered every day, seven days a week, but that could still have been my problem, who knows, she wasn't telling anything. Maybe I needed two or three showers. If the guy's smell turns the wife off, tell the guy! If he truly wants that pussy he will bath properly. If not he can choose some other way for sex, like I did.
When your dating and after your early marriage years the sex is constant and plentiful. But then comes the reality...she don't want your cock anymore. Something is just not right! To me, it was not worth the hassle with "MY" wife. I'd get horny and realize it will not happen tonight, which pissed me off. Guys need sex more than wives I believe. But perhaps there are women that are like guys and their husbands will not put out!
Perhaps I did not know how to approach the subject with her, and hear the true reason for her refusals. Of course I asked, what, why, it was always NO, and the same lame excuses. You hear your married buddies complain of the same thing. That's when you know it is all of our wives that act this way. WHY?Never was I offered the true reason for not wanting sex with me. Looking back it does seem odd. SO, time to move on to some other way for my sex. But read on.
Guys need to get off, one way or another. So we jerk off and fantasize about whatever turns us on. Thank goodness you remember how to jack off!
Eventually you think how much you would love to suck your own cock, and of course you try it, saying it's mine so I can suck it. Most can't do it! I couldn't either, but I sure wanted to and I tried many times!
Then you know in your heart your best friend is a dick, your own dick! So you say to yourself, I'm more gay than straight, so what if I suck another guy, if he will suck me before I have to suck him, all is well that ends well. So I thought, I'll give it a try, sucking a dick that is. But how was I going to do this? Where or what can I do to find a guy that is safe and clean, yet will not out me as being gay to all my friends. It took me over a year to get the nerve to try finding a guy for sex.
Then I found the Internet and a gay chat line. What a new found world was out there! I had no idea it was going to be so easy after this. This truly let me explore my gay side as I now knew I was. I'm comfortable admitting it to myself yet still closeted to the world.
For me, I knew I was gay from a really young age, but still afraid to admit it to myself until after I was fifty. I believe there are thousands of us gays born into this world every day. As a closet gay all my life, I was always afraid of someone seeing into my soul that I was actually BI or gay in my sexuality. Sometimes I think that there were or are friends or acquaintances that did believe I was gay or bi yet chose to never say anything to my face. At least I have never heard someone say they heard I was gay. Or said to me they believe I'm gay. Sometimes I think I saw it on their faces with some odd looks. I was asked many times in the company of others, was I gay? I had to deny it always. So something I did gave some people the idea I might be gay. So why didn't my friends ask me if I was gay? But looking back, only one guy did ask me and I was afraid to answer him truthfully. I did not think he was bi so I was not about to admit to him I
was bi or gay as we were good friends for twenty years by this time.
After getting married, and my wife eventually finding out at sixty two years old, because I admitted it to her I was gay. I am now pissed at myself, for making her life hell. She truly had nothing to do with my gayness or moving to the gay side, except prodding me by her withholding sex to me. Gay thoughts had been there since I was very young. So for years before I met her, I knew I was gay. I just needed that push she gave me by denying me her body. Was that enough to blame her for pushing me over, who knows? That was my excuse to try sucking a dick! I was just not willing to admit it to myself that I was truly gay until I was over fifty and married over thirty years. I bought into that macho thing, guys don't like guys, we hear as we grow up. And I just can not be gay, that's just not allowed.
I tried hard to suppress those gay feelings and thoughts. I even had to try to hide my true self from myself, by getting married as I realized I needed a cover because I still feared I was truly gay. I needed to find myself, yet had no idea how I was going to get my mind straight on whether I was gay or straight. I feel honestly bad about getting married now that I admit I'm gay.
I knew as a young man I liked dick better than pussy. I could not find a guy to try it with. I just had no idea how to find a playmate when I was young. I believe, had I found a guy to have sex with when I was in my teens, I would have gone straight to gay, and forgot about girls. I was just too scared to act on my BI or gay tendencies. I really was BI when I was young. I just never got the chance or had the balls to try to suck a guys cock, yet I did fuck quite a few girls. It was easier to find a girl for sex than a guy. I did like to look at and dream of fucking beautiful girls anyway.
Although, I was turned on by beautiful girls. My first pussy came at eighteen years old. Not at fortteen or fifteen as most of my friends bragged. I know some of the boys really did get pussy young, but most of us guys were late bloomers.
Now at this time I was always wanting to eat a girls pussy. I ate quite a few before meeting my wife. Yes I ate my wife's pussy often. She loved it too! I was ready to eat a girls pussy anytime I got the chance. I did eat pussy and enjoyed it at that young age. That was a great turn on for me, yet I still dreamed of cocks and sucking a guy, over eating a pussy. I especially longed to suck a cock after seeing the really handsome guys everywhere I went.
After you come to grips with the fact your gay, it gets much easier to endure and try to plod along and hope someday this lifestyle will change to the bi or gay style and make your life better. So far I'm still in limbo land to keep peace with my wife and still be married, over forty years of marriage now.
Eventually time does move on, and you finally realize it's just not like it was when we were younger. We have grown up to be upstanding leaders in our communities. Of course that don't help things when you lean gay.
I finally found the courage to face my problems and dealt with it by meeting guys from the Internet. Eventually I got careless, as we all do. My problem was, I got caught by my wife by leaving a trail. I'm a very poor liar so I admitted it when she confronted me. I offered her the opportunity to go bi with me but she refused. That was not her thing.
To keep peace, and our marriage, and not tell our kids, as she did not want the divorce I offered her we are still together. So for those reasons I deal with her looking over my shoulder constantly for the past six years.
I'm close to sixty eight now. I still need a mans cock and the sexual closeness of another guy.
Funny part of this story, is, after she found out why I went to the dark side. She wanted sex with me constantly and I did try to change my thoughts on pussy by fucking her, but eventually I could not keep an erection long enough to satisfy both of us. That was caused by the fact she was not turning me on mentally and dicks do.
I did get to sneak away with another guy, right after she caught me. And it was hard as a rock during our sex.
I'll try to hook up with a guy whenever or wherever I can. And hopefully with a nice clean older guy like myself, that desires the same sex I like. I wish there were a good older guy like myself living close to me, that we could play once in a while and satisfy our needs.
Take care and stay in touch if you like, and Thank You for liking my Nifty stories. This is almost a story itself.
I have quite a few stories on Nifty.
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