TIME-TO-SEE-40
"OH NO... WATCH OUT!" Jilder yelled out. "HERE WE COME..."
All lined up in single file, 8 creatures in a row, the boys, Kev, and I, each with our dogs, followed the narrow path through the low foliage down the hillside outback to the rocky creek bed below.
The dogs couldn't wait to get into the water. Into the creek they went, tugging the boys after them, pulling the boys sloshing and screaming as they waded into the water...
"EEeek! No, boy, LLOYD!!! no... EEeeek! Oh, No! I'm wet all over. My shoes! OH, NO... and my pants..." Nicky cried....
"DOUGLAS! DOUGLAS!... Down, boy, down," Jilder cried but to no avail. "Ohhhhh! Here I go....." SPLASH! SPLASH! as Jilder stomped into the water.... "DOUGLAS!!! No. Down, boy, down, boy.... Then he screamed back at us, "Hugo! Kevin! I'm soaked... Oh, no...."
"Groan. Kev, These kids are drenched! All the way from shoes to underwear, I'm sure..." I said.
"Oh, Hugo. They're lovin it... What's more fun than getting all wet running in the creek and having a real excuse for it! You CAN'T be that old that you don't remember how much fun a controlled disaster can be," Kev reminded me.
"Well... uh? Sure you're right, but January isn't such a terrific month to get soaked to the skin and then walk outside before you can get changed..." I observed.
"Yeah, but this is San Diego: they'll do okay, Hugo. You haven't reached Mother Superior Worrier status this time, but I have to be careful not to alarm you either... Really, the only thing I WAS worried about myself was those retainers should either of them have fallen. Yet, they're boys, and we wouldn't be helping them to treat them like glass statues. They're smart enough to avoid hurting themselves, I'm wagering," Kevin told me.
"DAD! I'm wet!" Nicky yelled out while standing in a foot of creek water and looking up at Kevin and me.
"No shit!" I answered...
"DAAAAD!"
Nicky knew he was on his own to get himself out of the creek; I wasn't going in after him.
So he took on a very assertive attitude toward LLOYD, the dog, and said, "OUT! Boy!" And Nicky started dragging his pooch up out of the water, dog yelping and splashing wildly, soaking Nicky even more than he was already... "We're gettin out, Boy!" Nicky shouted with authority.
Seeing Nicky take a proactive approach, Jilder did his version of Nicky's assertiveness and dragged DOUGLAS, his dog, out of the creek too, the dog barking and yelping and trying to get back into the water...
"No! Boy," Jilder yelled. And he held his ground. That dog was definitely not going to drag Jilder back in the creek with him...
Finally, all the creatures were out of the creek, secretly delighted with the whole affair.
"Okay, guys," I said. "We'd better head back home; so you can get out of those wet clothes... I don't want any sick people around sneezing on my new ears!"
"Oh, Dad, we won't get sick from just getting wet. And I promise I won't sneeze on you," Nicky said taking the whole thing quite seriously...
"Nicky!" I added... "Don't sweat it... You are just fine. You're not likely to get a cold if we get you out of those clothes soon. We'll all take care of you and Jilder and Hugo's new ears... YOU ARE ALL IMPORTANT!" I reminded him.
And with some of our party dripping wet, we navigated our way back along the path to the paved road.
The wet dogs started shaking their bodies the way wet dogs do, showering all of us with water. Even Kev and I got a good dousing.
"Ohhhh! Shit," Kevin said... "What did I say about how much fun this was?"
"Well, "kiddo"," I said to Kevin. "At least your little PEPE is dry. That's a big help. You can see how the kids are getting a whole new drenching from the dogs..."
I went on, "In a way, you know, I think it's funny how the boys were so naive about what the dogs would do. It's actually enjoyable watching THEM live and learn too," I said to Kevin quietly, so as not to be heard by either of them.
"Yeah. I know what you mean. Watching the boys living and enjoying life is a double serving of happiness on top of a basic nice time with the family," Kev said.
Dog's fed, kitchen wiped up, boy's finished with their nightly baths and dressed in warm, dry pajamas, we all settled together in the family room in front of the big, flat screen television set.
"Kev, I don't know how to act. I've never had a television set, much less a big screen. I feel really out of place," I said.
"Hugo. That big screen is so unimportant when I think about how wonderful life has become for us."
"Yeah. I suppose so."
"Just you're getting your hearing, and the boys being on the mend from their growth disorders, and us all being together makes a television set totally unimportant. I want you to know that if that set disappeared immediately, I'd still feel like the happiest most fortunate man in the world with you and our family, and our health," Kevin told me.
"Hearing you reminds me of what's really important and keeps me from getting lost in my own thinking," I admitted.
"Yeah. It is easy to get caught up with your own thoughts that keep you in the past, living through your memory-- well, that's really not living at all. It's like being asleep, or in a dream. You THINK you are experiencing something real, just because you THINK IT somewhere in your head, but actually you're hung up in your past, unable to experience the joy that is here in the present... Like that time together down at the creek: nothing in that time but living not remembering, not grudge-holding, or worry about anything, or fear," Kevin said to me.
"Kev, did I ever tell you 'I love you?'" I asked with a smile on my face...
"Humm? Let me see..." Kevin said allowing his eyes to look up and scan some invisible manuscript...
"I can't be sure... Tell me again...," that rascal said with a big smile.
"Oh! You turkey..." I scolded him. "I love you so fucking much, that I forget just how much I like hearing you tell ME 'I love you' too." I said...
"Hummm? Well, I think I DO recall you're saying that once or twice..." Kevin said coyly.
"Dad, Dad!" Nicky said. "We got a new DVD from Netflick's today. It's a "new" old movie, but I think we'll like it."
"What's that," I said
"Toy Story III..." Nicky said as he took the DVD from its case and inserted it into the player.
"Well, we're only about a month late seeing that one."
"Yeah. I know it's kinda Christmas, but we weren't here together at Christmas; so it'll be OK if we watch it now, won't it?" Nicky said.
I really have to be careful. Nicky is SO serious that he is vulnerable to even innocent remarks that can wound him... "No, buddy, I didn't mean that it isn't a really good movie that we should all watch together... I just remember that it was being advertised a lot around Christmas; that's all..."
"Oh, yeah." Nicky said with relief in his voice lest he had said something that was contentious.
Kevin said to me quietly while the boys were setting up the DVD player and turning on the video screen, "Nicky is so extraordinarily frightened of losing one of us that he panics every time he believes that there is some conflict or disagreement of opinions. That's so sad for me to see."
"I know what you mean, Kev. I just watch what's going on; so I can help him clarify his experience and avoid suffering. That's a perfect example of going into the past and living in memory, where he can't see or enjoy the present. For now, I'll just keep clarifying to him the truth about situations until, hopefully, one day he'll begin to see and trust the real world and not his memory," I replied to Kevin.
"Yep, Babe... That's best, I think."
And Nicky announced, "Here goes Dad! I turned the sound down really low, and here's the remote box where you change the volume by pushing the buttons until it's where you want it... Here, Dad, YOU make it good for you." And he handed me the remote.
"Thanks, Nick," I said.
And we enjoyed the movie. At one point, Kevin interrupted it and asked everyone whether they might like some pop corn and glass of lemonade. Then he went out into the kitchen.
I pushed the pause button and used the opportunity to go pee along with both boys. Each of us used a different bathroom, which fact the boys thought was endlessly hilarious! Go figure??? When you're 11 years old, the world is filled with lots of funny things that adults just can't see. Maybe it's TIME TO SEE and leave living in our memory behind--well, at least as often as we can. We're all still just human...
Kevin and I settled into bed later after the boys had gone to their rooms. We didn't mind them visiting each other, which meant that they might end up staying up pretty late some nights, but if we told them, they would go on to bed separately, like if it were a school night or something. Weekends they were permitted more freedom.
"Babe, I've been thinking, although the guys are doing really well in their studies here with me, in another few months I'm going to have to go back to my work at the University; so I won't be able to devote full time to their schooling."
"Well, I knew that would have to be dealt with eventually, but I wasn't sure what the timing would be. And to be honest, I didn't think of much else but hearing while I was in the hospital."
"Oh, sure, Babe. I'm not uncomfortable about ANYTHING that's been happening. I think you've held up really well under the stress of that procedure you've been going through with the stem cell implant. It's just that life is moving on, and we have to too, I think."
"So what do you have in mind, Kev?" I asked.
"Now I want you to know that you have to be supportive of anything we do with the kids. I'm not in this alone; so if you have an idea, PLEASE speak up, and help me with the decisions," Kevin said.
"Okay. So what's on your mind?"
"Well, Babe, I was thinking that we might benefit by putting the boys in a private school, at least for a year or two; say until they are ready for high school."
"Why do you say that, Kev?"
"Mainly, I'm still concerned over their physical well-being. I think that in a private school, we might find that there could be closer supervision of their actions that might keep them from causing damage to themselves until those bars come out."
"Kev, we can't protect them all the time, you know," I said. "Like at the creek today. Good grief, they could have fallen and created a disaster."
"Yeah! I know. But I worry that they might get into a fight that if they were normal would be just a school yard fight. But with those bars inside, an attack could be an emergency operation..." Kevin said.
"Humm? Yes. That's true."
"So I'm thinking that the additional supervision and awareness from the staff in a private school might be extra insurance that neither of them would launch into some physical injury. That's it totally with me, Hugo."
"Do you REALLY think the teachers in a private school have that much extra control over the kids?" I asked.
"Well. They aren't perfect, that's for sure. But they WOULD KNOW about the boys' conditions and be vigilant for potential injury. The classes would be smaller than in the public school. And the physical shuffle would be less extensive with smaller numbers, and discipline would be tighter."
Kevin went on, "And I'm also interested in keeping up the momentum I've developed with their learning. Both boys are now high functioning in their math skills, which is what I can see most easily, and their English is excellent too; so to help make college a possibility in the future, I'd like to see their educations continue to flourish..." He paused and then went on, "Especially when you realize that both of them were thrown into the queue for failure after all the time they missed from school with their illnesses."
"Humm? There's a good bit to consider here. I'm glad you've been thinking about the boys while I've been so self-absorbed," I replied.
"Babe, I'd have been worried if you HADN'T been totally absorbed in the operation you'd undertaken. I am so happy that you went for the surgery. And Babe, I would never have pushed you, and I love you now every bit as much as before you could hear. Hearing doesn't make me love you more. But-- for your own joy and happiness-- I'm glad you let Dr. Kavanagh do his thing..."
"Yeah, me too, Kev," I said.
"Oh, yeah. That makes me remember. What if Dr. Kavanagh wants me to come to Ireland to one of his medical conventions?"
"Well, right off the top of my head," Kevin said, "I have to say that I'd like the boys to go, to have the experience of being in another country, in Europe, and seeing the sights. They're old enough for those things to make an impression. I'd tell the school that we might have to travel, and see what they say..."
"Well, maybe you can think about the private school thing, and we'll talk more about it when you're in the mood," Kevin said.
The one thing I always loved about Kevin is that no matter what the issue, he communicated with me like I was just as important and knowing as he... He never talked down to me, and he never made me feel unimportant or stupid... He always loved me, and he always acted toward me like he cared... I could only strive to be as loving toward him.
"Sure. Kev." I said, "But I have to tell you that unless something comes up that we haven't talked about, I agree with your thinking about where they ought to go to school and your reasons. I'm afraid for them until they are a little older and less impulsive. They do pretty well, overall, I think. But they do act pretty dumb more often than one would think they would-- humm? But that dumb innocence and surprising vulnerability makes them super loveable... Just children being children, I'd say."
"Okay. Babe. I'll check into the Springdale Academy and get a few details for us to think about: you know, cost, rules and policies, and other commitments they might ask of parents. Also, since they are religiously affiliated, I want to feel them out on the "two-dads" situation. I don't want the boys to be subjected to pressures on that account."
"Do you think that's a possibility?" I asked.
"Well, not really. But I intend to be up front. The boys aren't ashamed, nor do they have any reason to be, but bigotry is not unheard of in this world..."
"Yeah. Safe not Sorry, I agree."
And we left it at that for the evening, until a time when we had to make some decisions... I had a lot to do: Craig's project, my language lessons, shots from Jake twice a day, guitar practice, the boys, the dogs, Kevin, and probably a trip to Ireland,... just your run-of-the-mill Gay Family life.