TIME-TO-SEE-3
"Papa," I called.
"Papa?"
"I'm here, Kev..."
"Papa, I'm just too tired to go back. How long will I be so tired?" I asked.
"I don't know, Kev, but it doesn't matter. You are not going to come here permanently. You have a lot to do before you come stay with me for good. Your friend, Hugo, needs you to be with him."
"But I don't actually know Hugo at all, Papa. I just ran into him in a restaurant today--or was it yesterday?
I'm not really sure... But he seems to like me now. He was so nice to me and gave me a hug in the hospital. I'd say that I love him too, yet I don't even know him. How can that be, Papa? How can I feel love for him?"
Papa replied, "Love cannot be taught, Kevin. Love is something that flows through, you. It is not something you have to make happen on your own. It's the Light that is in everyone, and when we pass it on, then we actually feel it as love, as it overflows onto everything around us."
"You let out a large measure of your love when you gave Hugo your $20: you loved; so you felt both love and loved."
I didn't follow everything Papa said, maybe a little of it, but he went on: "You can stop the flow in your heart, if you wish, or you can let it pass through you easily and connect you with Hugo and who knows what others..."
"Do you think Hugo knows about love and what you say?" I asked with genuine concern.
"Maybe not in so many words, Kev, But he knew enough to write that message on the wall and let the love he felt reach out to you.
Papa went on "He KNOWS love, even if he doesn't have A THEORY ABOUT love. I'd say that's better than too much thinking any day, Kev."
"Kev. You will find that Hugo has a little brother, Jilder. Jilder and Hugo are very close, but life has not been easy for them. You can be helpful to both of them."
Papa went on, "Now Kev, as time passes, you're going to find that you can stay awake longer and longer. But whenever you sleep, if you wish, you can speak with me. Just call... And remember, if you hear the ticking of my clock, you know that I'm near."
"Okay, Papa. Should I try to wake up now?" I said
"Only if you feel ready and want to see the world."
"I'm still tired, Papa. Maybe I'll sleep a little while longer," I said, trying to conceal a measure of worry.
"I told you, Kev, that you must not be alarmed because of your fatigue. It's very natural for you to feel tired while your body is busy repairing and restarting itself. It has a lot of work to do... just support it."
"What happened to me, Papa?"
"Well, the doctors don't know," Papa explained, "And they'll never know... There was actually NOTHING defective about your body at all-- to start with."
Papa went on, "But YOU need to know that you created this problem yourself, by living a lonely and isolated life, afraid to give love, until you encountered Hugo in the restaurant."
"At the moment you gave him your $20, you had slipped up and opened the flood gates which had been blocking your love. You didn't know how to admit that to yourself. So, in a panic, you told your body--oh, not in words, rather in chemical signals--to STOP EVERYTHING-- out of fear of the vulnerability you felt, having shown love for this man. YOU stopped everything. And you did a pretty good job of it too, Kev."
"I might mention that you almost did yourself in for good, Kev." I know Papa was smiling as he told me this, although I couldn't really see him.
"You were one scared little rabbit, Kev. Thank goodness Hugo got our attention the way he did; so we could jump in and patch you up. But now the job of waking up is yours, just like the job of learning to give love is yours too. You have to allow the love to continue to flow through you and to heal you and to heal all whom it reaches through you..."
"Papa. I feel so stupid for what I did."
"Oh, Kev... come on... Everyone makes a colossal mess of things and eventually has to discover how he blocks love in his life. That is a real, anally-retentive modus operandi you've built there, Kev.. Just say to yourself, 'Kev, old boy, this hiding from love ain't workin so well. You just gotta do things differently'--- AND THEN YOU DO THINGS DIFFERENT, KEV!"
"Do things different...,"
"Do things different...,"
"Do things different...,"
I repeated over and over to myself.
My eyes seemed to be flooded with light. I sensed I was waking up again, although I still felt very tired. But this time I felt somewhat eager to wake up. I knew I had things to do.... different things... It was time to see...