TIME-TO-SEE-29
MY HEART LEAPS UP By William Wordsworth:
My heart leaps up when I behold A rainbow in the sky: So was it when my life began, So is it now I am a man, So be it when I shall grow old Or let me die! The child is father of the man: And I could wish my days to be Bound each to each by natural piety
Hugo rose before me, gathered up the four dogs, and took all of them out to pee before I got up. Then he brought them all back in and left them in the garage.
We ate a nice breakfast together and were still out of the house by 5:30am, and he was waving good-by to me as he walked across the parking lot at the hospital a minute or two before six. We made a tightly operating, efficient team.
Back home I decided to take the dogs into the kitchen and feed them all together. While they were in the kitchen, and they had begun eating, I opened the garage door and put the car away.
The boys were still sleeping. Don't ask me how they managed that with all of the activity going on in the house around them, but they slept on. I put all four dogs out in the backyard to play while I cleaned up the kitchen.
It occurred to me that I needed to get started searching the internet for materials that the boys and I could use to begin their math and English home schooling. I grabbed a cup of tea and went quietly up the stairs to the office.
In no time, I'd found some terrific material that I decided to use to assess their levels of mastery, and then I printed out enough practice material of broad application that I could use until I zeroed in on the exact needs of each boy. No doubt they would both have different skill developments, but then I thought that it would probably be good psychology to cover the various topics in such a way as they both felt like they were working on the same lessons. Motivation, I guessed, would be important with their age group. I could always vary the difficulty of a particular exercise, if there were vastly different masteries.
I prepared enough material to last a week. Everything was printed out so that each boy would have his very own copies. I still needed to pick up notebook paper, spiral notebooks, pencils, erasers, and such at Walgreens. I dreamed that maybe I could teach them some basic Algebra and Geometry concepts, if they turned out to be cooperative basic students... Suddenly I was eager for this enterprise myself... "Hard to believe," I thought.
In a while, I heard Jilder's door open and he tapped on Nicky's. Nicky's opened and the two disappeared into Nicky's room... There was some low volume jabbering. They were finding it nice to have company for the day's activities, it seemed. A little while later and both boys were standing at the door to my office in jeans, tennis shoes and matching shirts.
This was something new. They started dressing alike. I wondered how long that would last...
"Can we get somethin to eat now?" Nicky asked.
"Sure. You guys don't have to ask to get food. You know where it is. You can get it yourselves, if you want. Or-- and I don't mind at all-- I'll fix you something. We can go down to the kitchen and see what's there that you'd like." I said.
"Ookkkk!" Jilder said with delight.
And with that, both boys preceded me down the stairs to the kitchen where both of them went directly to the backdoor and looked out the window into the backyard.
"The dogs are playin on the fake grass, Kevin," Jilder said.
"Yeah! Hugo put them out this morning. When I got back from delivering him to work, I fed them all together and then put them back out to play. You can let one or two of them in if you want. Just leave Hugo's dog and Pepe out there, I want to get your breakfast, then I'll let them in too," I said.
"And what do you want for breakfast?" I asked.
"Hmmm? Can I have eggs and oatmeal?" Nicky said.
"Sure. How do we cook the eggs?" I asked him.
"I like poached. And can I have toast too?" he said.
Good grief these boys certainly live up their reputations as growing boys. I hope their bodies will make good use of all that food.
"Yeah! That sounds good." Jilder had been listening to Nicky getting his order in.
"You want exactly the same thing?" I asked Jilder.
"Yeah. And maybe there's some peaches we could eat with milk over them too?" Jilder asked.
"Sure." I said. "How about you guys washing the peaches and cutting them up. See the cutting board over there on the countertop? You know where the peaches are... bottom shelf of the frig."
"Cool." Jilder said. And they both got to their job fixing the peaches, one getting the cutting board, the other dragging out the bag of peaches from the frig."
"How many should we fix," Nicky said.
"Well, how about two for each of you?" I suggested.
"Then if you can eat more, after you've eaten the oatmeal and the eggs, you can fix them," I told them.
And again our two boys were dealing with life cooperatively. I just hoped this trend would last, and we'd avoid the more serious competiveness between two breeder males, but that would remain to be seen, I guessed. As it turned out, my concerns were completely unnecessary because two closer brothers and friends I don't think I've ever seen.
I finished cooking their breakfast and turned them lose with all the food set out on the table in the breakfast nook. They had let Douglas and Lloyd in the kitchen, and both dogs sat on the floor at the end of the table begging for the boys' food. No matter how sad and sympathetic they looked, I mentioned to both Nicky and Jilder, "Those dogs both had full meals less than an hour ago. Dogs only need to be fed twice a day; so don't give them a whole lot. They'd probably like toast dipped in egg though, I'm sure..."
And the boys played with the dogs as they ate breakfast. The dogs were surprisingly well-behaved, for sure something they'd learned from an earlier home...
After breakfast, the boys brought in all four dogs and they played with them for more than an hour. But, eventually they wanted to put them back out. They were tired of playing with them; so out the dogs went... (Truth be told, the dogs were probably ready to be left in peace themselves.) Those boys kept the dogs frolicking and running non-stop. I thought we'd be seeing some napping dogs in a while.
I began organizing a shopping trip to the supermarket, so we could bring in more food, and to Walgreens, for materials the boys would use for their lessons. And I wanted to stop by PetCo, the big pet emporium, for wire kennels. I just had to have the security of knowing those dogs could be locked up safely for the night without anyone being inconvenienced.
It was a busy morning. We were loaded to the top including the four kennels that were disassembled and in big boxes. Along with the groceries and the few bags of items from Walgreens, there simply wasn't any space left in the car. Nicky sat up in the "shotgun" passenger seat and Jilder sat in what remained of the backseats.
As we neared the house, Nicky said, "Dad, give me the key, please, I wanna check the mail."
It was a little earlier than usual for the mail to arrive, but sometime the mailman delivered it early. I pulled the car over to the side of the street, passed my copy of the mailbox key to Nicky, and said "Okay..." At which signal BOTH boys jumped out of the car and made a bee-line to the mailbox.
I rolled along the few feet ahead and drove on into the garage. I was standing there trying to figure out how to go about emptying all that stuff from the car when both boys came running up excited; Nicky had a big, white, thick envelop that he handed to me as he said, "It's from Ireland! Dad" "Hugo's, operation letter is here."
"Yeah! Now Hugo can get his operation too," Jilder concluded.
"This is terrific, boys, but we still don't know what it says; so we'll have to wait for Hugo to read it to us," I replied.
"Can't you read it?" Jilder asked.
"No. That wouldn't be respectful of Hugo's privacy." I answered.
"This is Hugo's mail, and no one can read it unless he says it's okay," I explained.
"We would do the same thing if a letter came that was addressed to either of you. Only you could read it. But if you let us read it, then it would be okay," I tried to make the idea a little more personal.
"Awww." came in choral form. "We want to know when Hugo can get his operation."
"Well, I certainly do too, but doing the right thing is not something we can compromise."
"COMPROMISE - do you know the word, boys?"
I really didn't let them answer; I just continued to hammer home my message: "In this case, it means that we can't take away Hugo's privilege to read his letter privately and decide whether he wants to share what it says with us. We know the right thing to do is respect Hugo's privacy. We'd be doing something wrong if we read it without his Permission; we would COMPROMISE our understanding Of right and wrong."
"Alllllrright... Weeeee Know!!!" not happy, but they understood the idea.
"Now, guys, would you like to go with me this evening to get Hugo from work, and then we can go out for dinner, and maybe Hugo will read his letter and tell us what it says?... Could you handle that?" I tempted them with this ploy....
In fact, I was 'fit-to-be-tied' to know what the Research Organization had to say too, but I'd wait for Hugo to decide when I should know.
"Yeah!" they both agreed, "That would be fun, and maybe he'll tell us tonight what the letter says," they schemed along with me...
The boys helped me to assemble the kennels.
We put one in each of their rooms, and on the bottoms went little cotton mats that were made for the dogs to sleep on.
Then they assembled the remaining two together down in the kitchen. Thank goodness we have a big kitchen. These two would be for Pepe and Hugo's dog. I'm happy with the dogs, but I'm not into sleeping with them. Hugo is more touchy-feely with his dog. I could picture that pooch joining us in bed one cold evening... Humm? Just sort of had a hunch, if you know what I mean...
The kitchen was over-flowing with fresh food, good quality foods and lots of veggies, just the kind of thing that Hugo liked. And since the boys were being exposed to wholesome food at home, they didn't really ask for all the junk that was offered for sale where we filled up our gas tank, or at stores stocked with endless non-food junk "treats" for young teens (even though ours aren't quite teens yet, it idea fits...)
Both Nicky and Jilder had chosen their notebooks and pencils and pens when we shopped; so each gathered that stuff and saw to it that it was stored in their rooms until we start using it. (I realized that somewhere I needed to come up with two desks and two chairs, one for each boy's room, as well as a big table and white board that we could use in the office. That room would be our School Room too.)
With everything put in its place, there was actually very little time left before we would need to leave to go get Hugo from work.
We brought the dogs in and put them in their kennels to see how they'd do, and not one of them put up a fuss. They seemed happy to be tucked away somewhere that felt safe from Nicky and Jilder I supposed.
They had been out in the yard nearly all day, and they wouldn't need their second feeding until seven-ish... And this evening, the boys would get to do the feeding honors. I had washed the bowls from this morning, leaving very little to do besides fill them and get the dogs to the right spots to eat.
But all of that was just detail. The main event for the evening was giving Hugo his letter from the Irish Research Organization and MAYBE discovering what it said...
We were waiting in the hospital parking lot in the SUV before it was time for Hugo to get off. Right at six, Hugo came out looking tired but smiling too. He hoped into the car, leaned over to give me a kiss, and then twisted around and reached back to hug and kiss both boys.
The boys were just buzzing they were so eager to give Hugo his letter. I had allowed them to keep it; so when Hugo turned around and hugged them both, they pulled out the letter and showed it to him. I thought we'd wait until we got to dinner, but the boys didn't grasp that idea.
Hugo took the letter with a very vocal "Oooohhhh!"
He turned back to the front and looked over at me.
I reached for a pad and wrote, "Hugo, I thought you might be okay with going out to eat tonight. Maybe you could save your letter until we're in Coco's, and then you can take your time reading it. Perhaps then you'll consider sharing some of it with us????
(Truth is, HUGO, we're all about to go APE SHIT to know what's in that letter and what you're going to do... BUT DON'T LET US INFLUENCE YOU....:-) :-) ;-)"
Hugo read what I'd written and laughed. Then he put the letter inside of his big, baggy fatigue jacket and closed the jacket over the letter, put on a big smile and looked straight ahead as if to demonstrate that he was keeping it totally private, no matter it was 'killing' all of us to know what it was about. He didn't write a damned word!
OMG!
The boys went ballistic, "Aaww, Come on, Hugo!" they pleaded, not considering that he couldn't hear a word they were saying...
Then Jilder put his arms around Hugo's neck and started giving him sloppy kisses on the neck and ears....
It tickled Hugo who started flinching and laughing and trying to protect himself from all of Jilder's kissing. "No, No, No.... " Hugo uttered in sound, not especially clear but we all got the message...
Eventually, we all ended up at a very private corner booth with soft lighting and table clothes, and quiet music. We all ordered and had been waiting just a few moments after the waiter left us... It was just perfect for an important occasion.
But Hugo did nothing... That is, nothing with his very large, white letter from Ireland, that none of us could endure remaining in the dark about very much longer.
I picked up the pad I'd brought in and wrote tactfully,
"Huh? Hugo, if you want a few minutes of privacy to read your letter, I'm sure the boys and I won't bother you..."
Hugo read the pad. Smiled. Nodded to all of us. And sat there!
"OH!" I thought!!!!!
Hugo smiled coyly and continued sitting at the table with his hands folded politely in his lap, continuing his holding action....
Jilder grabbed the pad and wrote,
"PLEEEZE, HUGO. READ YOUR LETTER AND TELL IS WHAT IT SAYS.... "
"PLEEZE!"
With that, Hugo reached into his jacket, pulled out the letter, and looked at it with a puzzled expression, "This??" he pointed at it, and feigned ignorance...
"OH!!!!!" wait 'til that guy wants a fuck! I'll remember this!
And Hugo continued to taunt us deliciously looking at his letter.
Jilder wrote again, "PLEEZE, HUGO!"
And with that plea, Hugo put his finger under the flap and broke the seal, and pulled out a large bundle of folded papers.
At that point, it got deadly serious for Hugo.
He read the first page and lay it aside, under the stack. Then he read the next page, and the next, and he didn't acknowledge any of us until he had gone through 6 pages without stopping.
There were at least a dozen pages, but Hugo stopped after he'd read six, which was the end of the basic letter. He looked very serious, and then he held me in his gaze. I reached across the table and held his arm and waited for him to take the pad and share with us.
Finally he picked up the pad and began writing.
"Dr. Kavanaugh has contacted the San Diego University Hospital and set up two dates to use their operating room. We will meet together here in San Diego in two weeks to choose the exact date, and the operation will be next month."
Then Hugo got technical, "They will harvest stem cells from my body, and then after treating them in a special growth medium, they'll transplant them into a tiny tube that eventually dissolves, but that guides the cells in their growth across the broken nerve that prevents me from hearing."
And he went on explaining, "I will have to stay in an acoustically protected room, where there will be almost no sound, for a month, because they don't want stimulation to disturb the nerve cell growth."
He wrote, "I'm scared, Kev. I don't think I can be still for a MONTH!"
I had been reading what he wrote as he wrote it down. I picked up the pen and responded,
"I don't think you have to stop moving, Hugo, you can read and move carefully; so as not to disturb your head. But you can't be around any sound, and you can't make any sounds. That makes sense to me..."
"I know it's reasonable, Kev. But I'm scared. I want to do the operation, but I'm scared to do it too."
"I know you are, Babe." I wrote again.
"And I'll be there with you all of the time you want me to be. I won't leave your side, for as long as it takes. I can get Jake to stay with the boys for whatever time I will be with you. Don't worry about being alone. You won't be. And if I can be sure that these two 'walking tornados' will be totally quiet for a little while, I'll even let them come to visit-- if your doctor's won't mind. We won't leave you alone, Hugo." And I looked him in the eye.
The boys were reading the things Hugo and I wrote to one another. Finally they caught up with our conversation and Nicky slipped around the booth until he was right next to Hugo where he put his arm around Hugo and patted him on the back.
Nicky spoke in words, and I wrote down what he said for Hugo, "I won't let you be alone, Hugo. You don't have to be scared, 'cause I love you and I won't let you be all by yourself. You mean everything to me, Dad!"
That was the first time Nicky had ever referred to Hugo by the title, Dad. Hugo looked over at Nicky and grabbed him with his free arm and tears fell from Hugo's eyes as he cried and buried his face in Nicky's shoulder. Nicky patted Hugo on the back over and over while Hugo cried. The words "The Child is Father of the Man," came to me at that moment, with a fresh and different message.
The waiter appeared with a huge serving tray of food that he put down on a tall cart next to our table and began placing before us one dish at a time. The boys were talking quietly together and Hugo was reading more of the extensive letter from Dr. Kavanaugh. I sat silently listening to the boys and watching Hugo. We were all in this together, and I think Hugo understood we were all of one mind.
Hugo handed me a page from the letter, an attachment that provided a long inventory of physiological measures and observations and laboratory tests that would have to be carried out before the main procedure was performed. They were specifying these measures be completed one week before the first date for surgery. There would be an advanced surgical support team that would arrive in San Diego preceding the main surgical team by a week. The support team would be responsible for examining Hugo thoroughly and providing recommendations to the main team. It appeared that there would be at least 8 people required for the early studies and another 6 in the main surgical team.
And according to the correspondence that Hugo had just received, all costs were to be underwritten by a grant from the International Cosmic Computer Corporation Foundation (ICCCF) for Medical Research. There would even be a stipend payable monthly, directly to Hugo Ramirez for the duration of his term of convalescence, the length of which was to be determined by the Supervising Research Physician and Head of the Surgical Teams.
All costs for the extraordinary post-surgery isolation as well as the extensive pre-surgery activities would be borne by the grant from the Foundation. Hugo and our family would have no financial concerns as a result of Hugo's undergoing this advanced stem-cell research project surgery. God truly must be watching out for Hugo and this untidy band of caretakers, each one caretaker for the others.
The way I calculated, Hugo would undergo his first preliminary lab testing two weeks from this very day, as we sit in Coco's at our evening family gathering, if he signs and returns the consent forms. The earliest date for surgery would be the week before Thanksgiving, again which is if Hugo selected the earliest date offered.
We had eaten dinner and sat there digesting. The boys had wanted blueberry dessert, and Hugo and I joined them in marvelous servings of blueberry cobbler in celebratory recognition of This New Life for Hugo. (We all spoke positively, not willing to dwell on the possibility that the procedure wouldn't work. That could be left for a later time. Today, there was only time for the good things we could all believe in.)
"Not to be a 'downer'", I mentioned to everyone, "But it's pushing eight, and the dogs will need to be fed pretty soon."
No one spoke a word. We all looked over at Hugo and waited for him to make the first gesture that, everyone agreed without speaking a word, would determine what we would do. Hugo was directing our world and his too for the present. We loved him such that it was so...
Hugo reached for the pad and pen and wrote a big "Thank You, Everybody, for coming to supper and being with me tonight while I read my letter. You are all so important to me. I pray that the operation will work and that I will hear. But if that cannot happen, I am completely content knowing that the most important people in the world love me. And that's all that really matters..."
And Hugo allowed us all to take time to read what he'd written. Then he wrote a final sentence on the next page...
"I wonder whether they will give us doggie bags for the scraps?"