TIME-TO-SEE-11
Wednesday.
Dr. Gilmer telephoned Hugo after midnight last night. The switchboard put him through to my room where everyone knew Hugo would be found. Jilder's breathing had suddenly taken a turn for the worse, and Dr. Gilmer wanted to put Jilder into surgery immediately. He needed Hugo's release? That meant surgery TODAY?
Hugo roused very early, and I woke as he was stirring and getting out of bed. It MUST have been before five!
I was so groggy, but I forced myself to reach over to the bedside table, turn on a light, and get the pad.
I wrote, "What time do you want to be at the hospital to be with Jilder when they prep him for surgery?"
Hugo leaned over to read what I'd written, his hair wild and sticking out in every direction. I'd never seen him in this natural state before. He looked like I imagined a caveman might have looked.
He wrote back, "I want to be there by 11, since The surgery is at 2."
I took the pad and wrote, "I should be out of here by 8 then at the impound lot by 9. I can be back over here to get you by 10, and then we can be at Jilder's hospital before 11-- just." I wrote out.
"Good. Thanks..." Hugo wrote. Then he went into the bathroom and came out in a while looking fresh, shaved, and combed.
He came over and sat on the bed beside me and took both of my hands and squeezed them. Then he picked up the pad and pen and wrote, "You don't have to go to hospital. You will be rushing. I can do it, but I'd really like you to meet Jilder and be with us both before it happens, if you can..."
"Of course (underlined) I'm going to be there with you guys! I'm eager to meet Jilder. And I would never miss something this critical to both of you. I'll be here by 10 or I'll telephone Jake. Do you know where they put my clothes, and my wallet and cell phone?" I wrote back.
Hugo read what I had written and smiled; then he leaned over and gave me a kiss on the lips.
"Blah, yuk" I sputtered and made a big deal out of my breath perhaps NOT being kissing sweet at 5am.
He was puzzled at first, but then when he got the idea, he smiled and reached over to squeeze my penis! (What's this squeezing-the-penis routine????")
Next he took the pad and wrote, "Usually clothes and things are in a big plastic bag that they keep in a locked file cabinet at the nurses' station. Just ask Jake."
"OK..."
With that he turned to go. It must have been well on the way to six o'clock when he left my hospital room...
Next thing I knew, Jake was opening the venetian blinds allowing sunlight to flood the room. "Sorry, I fell asleep again after Hugo left this morning," I said.
"No problem. It's only a little after seven, but Dr. Aarons is on the hall, for some reason. He said that he wanted to stop in and check on you before you left. I think you can check out of the hospital at eight," Jake explained.
"Right. I've been wondering when I can get my clothes and things; so I can get dressed," I replied.
"Oh, sure. I'll bring them in here for you right now. Give me a minute." And Jake left the room.
Seconds later Dr. Aarons walked in and said, "Well, today's your big day. How are you feeling," He asked.
"Just fine," I replied, "No changes and not even any stumbling with loosing my balance since I last saw you."
"Terrific. Well, Kevin, you might think it somewhat unusual for me to pay you this last minute visit, but as you probably know, I've been captivated by the unusual aspects of your case. Just the whole thing," He said.
"Yeah! I admit it was pretty unusual, especially for me." Shaking my head, "Goodness, I was really gone from this earth for all practical purposes, and I actually believe that if it hadn't been for Hugo being here and writing that bazaar prayer on the wall I wouldn't be here now," I said.
"Prayer on the wall?" Dr. Aarons said with surprise.
"You didn't know?" I replied astonished.
"Nooo. I certainly did not," he said.
I got up and went over to the window. Behind the window draperies, which obscured a portion of the wall when they were open, was the prayer that Hugo had written there-- on the wall--a month ago.
"Oh, my God," Dr. Aarons exclaimed.
And then I explained the other details: about leaving my body, about visiting with Papa, and about why I decided to return. He was speechless by the time I was done.
"Oh, my, God!" was all that he said.
Jake walked in with a large plastic bag with City Municipal Hospital printed on it in large, green letters. "Here are your things, Kevin," Jake said. "Your wallet, change, and cell phone are in a sealed manila envelope with your clothes."
"Great. I've got to get moving. Hugo's little brother, Jilder, goes into surgery today, and we've got to be at Children's Hospital when he goes into prep around 11am," I said.
"Well, I'll get out of your way," Dr. Aarons said. "You can be sure that I'll hold confidential our little conversation this morning, Kevin."
"Oh, I'm not sensitive about it. I just don't want people to think I'm nuts-- like the nurse does," I said.
"Of course, I understand. But, you know, Kevin, I HAVE heard of this kind of thing before; so I certainly don't think you are crazy..," Dr. Aarons smiled and reached to shake my hand. "Thank you very much for confiding in me."
Dr. Aarons gone, Jake said, "Check to see that everything's there. I'll wait until you are satisfied."
I started with my boxers which went on before I lost the hospital gown. My tee-shirt went on next, then the rest of it. "How did you guys ever get me out of these clothes?" I asked truly inquisitive.
"Oh, it's a trade secret. In school we learn how to undress patients without even disturbing their hair," Jake joked with me as I dressed.
And there it was: my change, my wallet with credit cards and cash, and my cell phone-- which even had half a charge on it.
"All here," I announced. "None the worse for wear," I added.
"It has been such a pleasure to share in your recovery, Kevin. I have come to think of you as family. I am so happy that Hugo and you have discovered that there is a future together for you. And listen, Kevin, if you need ANYTHING, sort of in the hospital department, just get in touch with me. I don't know what you might run into with that kid having his surgery, and MAYBE--SOMEDAY--Hugo will be in here undergoing his own special surgery too." Jake said.
"I can hope," he added.
"Oh, God, Jake, thank you so much for your understanding, just everyday the whole time I was in here. I felt like I was with family too, and it was because of the way you treated me, seeing what was up between Hugo and me, just everything..." I said.
Jake interrupted, "Well I never actually SAW anything UP, but I surmise that there were a few things UP every now and then..." and he winked.
I smiled and flipped open my cell phone, noting that it was 8:15am. I needed to get my ass OUT OF THERE, if I were going to make the rest of my schedule for today.
"OK, Jake, thanks again... See you later." And I hurried through the door he was holding.
"You have forgotten one thing, Kevin."
"What?"
"You can't walk to the van. We have to roll you there in that wheelchair over there!" Jake said.
"You gotta be kiddin me!" I said.
"No. I'm not. Sit your butt down, and I'll take the freeway route to your waiting van."
With that I rolled my eyes, plopped down in the wheelchair, and away we went.
It was just after 9am when the hospital shuttle van pulled up to the impound lot. I got out, careful not to move too quickly or precipitate a dizzy spell, and I released the van as soon as I confirmed that my car was available and running.
My car was filthy dirty with a month's soot and dirt accumulated on the outside. Inside, it wasn't particularly bad though. In a jiffy I had paid the $250 storage fee by credit card-- "too bad my medical insurance doesn't cover that crap," I thought. Oh, well...
And I was off.
Now I had to go back to the hospital from which I'd just been released and pick up Hugo.
On the way, I spent 15 minutes in a Jiffy Car Wash that, although not the most thorough cleaning in the world, would do just fine for me right now.
At ten sharp, I was pulling up in the main hospital parking lot! "Phew! Good grief, I'm glad all that rushing is over," I thought.
Hugo had been watching for me from just inside of the building. When he saw me, he came out in a little trot smiling broadly and looking quite handsome. His black, wavy hair rose an fell as he ran, and he was dressed in street clothing, the first time I'd ever seen him out of his scrubs. He wore a black, long-sleeved pull-over shirt that was a snug fit and displayed his powerful body, and a pair of somewhat worn jeans, and brown leather running shoes. He carried his yellow legal pad. I had never exactly considered how truly handsome this guy was, but just now... Wow!
He hopped in the car and slammed the door quickly. I looked over to find he was already writing:
"We have a lot of time. We can go slowly and still be there in plenty of time to be with Jilder when they take him into surgical prep."
I took the pad and wrote, "Good. And how are YOU doing (underlined YOU)?"
"Oh, a lot better than last night," he wrote while smiling up at me. Then he gave me a little kiss on the cheek and motioned for me to get moving...
(So Mr. Hugo was not nervous, huh? Suuuurre, I thought and smiled. But at least this was a happier anxiety than last night's...)
A soft chime went off announcing we had arrived on the 7th floor. The elevator door took forever to open.
Hugo hurried off leading the way, and I tagged along behind him looking curiously at everything along the way, no matter that I'd just spent nearly a month in a hospital, I was curious about everything I saw.
We came to the end of the hall to the only door there. It was a double door that opened into a large open room or ward. As soon as we'd stepped in, I saw perhaps two dozen beds all containing children, some bandaged, some tethered with ropes and pullies, some sleeping, and some awake watching what looked like a million television screens suspended from the ceiling.
But there was no sound coming from anywhere; at least I realized there was no sound even though Hugo wouldn't have found anything unusual. The room full of children was nearly completely silent.
I followed Hugo as he walked to the end of the room between the two long rows of beds, one on either side, to the very last bed in the corner by the window.
Jilder was eleven years old. And being Hugo's brother, I expected a substantial young boy with a solid frame and dark complexion. I was shocked!
Lying like a little bird, small, skinny, angular, just too weak to move its head or wings, like that, Jilder lay there only raising his arms a little above the bed and calling out to his brother.
"Hugo, Hugo, I miss you. I thought you wouldn't come before they take me away," Jilder said untroubled that Hugo was stone deaf and couldn't possibly hear him.
Hugo went to the bed and scooped Jilder up in his strong arms and held him, rocking him from side to side, kissing his neck and face.
I could see the tears rising in Hugo's eyes.
Hugo pulled away from Jilder and positioned his face within inches of Jilder's. And then very slowly he mouthed the words that he wanted Jilder to know.
Silently he 'spoke' to Jilder.
"Jilder, I will not leave you for even a second until you are finished with the operation and back here safe in your bed."
All the while Jilder watched him with intense concentration and absorbed every word Hugo intended for him to receive.
"Okay. But I was worried anyway," Jilder said out loud.
Still inches away, Hugo went on, very slowly, "I brought my new friend with me, Jilder. His name is Kevin. He wanted to meet you. He will stay with us both while the doctor operates on you. Say Hi! to Kevin, Jilder." And then without moving away from Jilder, Hugo turned his head to nod at me.
I waved at Jilder and said, "Hi, Jilder. Nice to meet you. Guess what? I just got out of the hospital where your brother works-- today! I was in the hospital for a month. Mind if I stay with you and Hugo while you get your operation?"
When I said that I had been in the hospital for a month, Jilder's eyes got big and he turned to look at Hugo for confirmation.
And Hugo shook his head in agreement.
I went on, "I know that Hugo loves you very much, and he wants to be right next to you the whole time. If you feel scared you can tell him or me. Hugo will not leave you until you say it's ok."
"Good." Jilder said. "I am a little scared, but the doctor says that I will be okay. He says that I'll be able to breathe better, and I'll feel much better when he's done."
"I'm sure that your doctor knows just what to do to help you, Jilder," I said.
Hugo hugged Jilder once again and sat up a little higher on his bed.
Just then a nurse walked up pushing an empty wheelchair and said, "Gentlemen, I hate to break up the meeting, but our Jilder here has a prior appointment, and he needs to prepare. Will you be going along with Jilder while they give him a bath and paint his chest with yellow betadyne?" the nurse asked us cheerfully.
Jilder's eyes just glowed with terror as he looked over at Hugo. "Will you go, Hugo?" he asked timidly.
"Let's go," Hugo mouthed.
And I tried to assist by repeating Hugo's message.
The nurse helped Jilder out of the bed and into the wheelchair she'd brought with her.
The children who were patients wore pajamas, and not that ungodly gown-thing they had me in for a month! "At least the poor kid could have a little dignity," I thought.
And away we went to a room hardly large enough for four of us, but while I could be dismissed if they'd wanted more space, Hugo was not going anywhere. The room contained an examination table, a stainless steel sink, and rows of bottles and assorted medical gadgets that ought to be fascinating to Jilder. Unfortunately, since he was the main act, he wasn't free to indulge much curiosity; he had to follow directions.
The nurse gave Jilder a sponge bath from head to toe with antibacterial soap, being quite sensitive to a pre-adolescent male's sense of modesty. The second phase consisted of having both sides, from armpit to waist, and then both back and front, painted with a yellow iodine solution.
Then he was given a silly looking shower cap that he had to wear. He did put it on as requested, but was decidedly non-plussed with the hat thing!
An orderly arrived pushing a gurney that was fitted with a comfortable looking mattress and pillow, covered in sheets, and topped by a folded blanket. Jilder was asked to climb aboard, shower hat and all, while the nurse went to a cabinet to fetch medication.
Jilder was given two tiny white pills and a cup of water... "Down the hatch, Jilder." The nurse said, keeping this whole process as up beat as possible under the circumstances.
Jilder drank.
Then Jilder's doctor came into the room. Well, NOW it really was crowded; so I introduced myself and offered to leave.
"Not at all," he said, "Jilder needs lots of company out here to remind him that we'll all be waiting for him." The doctor reached over to Hugo, shook his hand and held him by the shoulder looking into his eyes and saying slowly, "Thank You for coming, Hugo. We all need you."
Then he turned to Jilder and said, "You comfortable there in your bed on wheels?"
"Yeah!" Jilder said, not especially cheerful at this point.
"Well, I'm going to give you a shot in your arm. Then I'd like you to start counting backward from 100 for me, and before you get to 90 I'll bet you'll be asleep. When you wake up, it will all be over.
Now don't be worried that you'll be feeling sore on both sides of your chest right when you wake up. We'll be giving you a little medicine to stop the pain. It will take you a while to get used to the metal retainer that we're going to give you. Okay, Jilder, you ready?" The doctor asked.
Jilder reached over and held Hugo's hand and said, "yes..." pretty timidly.
He looked right into Hugo's eyes the whole time the doctor was giving him the shot. He didn't flinch. Hugo didn't even blink; he was right there with Jilder at every instant the whole time.
"Okay, Jilder. Count backward for us..." the doctor said.
And Jilder began slowly,
"One hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight, (His eyes closed... and he continued counting...) ninety-seven, (even more slowly now...) nine...ty...six,
nine.......ty....
(And Jilder was gone...)
Hugo almost broke into tears, but kept it together as they rolled Jilder away on the gurney.
The doctor turned to us and said, you can watch the entire procedure from the medical students' gallery if you want. The nurse will show you how to get there. There's a plate glass window; so you won't miss a thing, but you won't be able to hear what's happening unless you turn on the sound and use one of the sets of earphones you'll find up there. That won't be an issue for Hugo, he smiled.
"Thank you so much, doctor, for letting us stay with Jilder. We'll be here every minute until Jilder is finished," I volunteered for Hugo and me. I know that Hugo was appreciative of all that they had ever done for Jilder; so I didn't feel insincere saying that at all. There is no more grateful man on the planet.
"And Hugo mouthed, "Thank You, thank you, thank you..." and he bowed his head with each 'thank you'.
Oh, my, all I wanted to do was stretch! It was 5pm. Jilder had been under anesthesia for nearly 3 hours, and was just now on his way to the recovery room where they would be watching him until he came out from under the anesthesia, was conscious, and vital signs were stable enough to go back to his bed in the ward.
We walked down from the gallery, and headed toward the recovery room.
I wrote on the tablet, "You doing okay, Babe?"
Hugo replied, "Yeah, but it was so hard watching them cut on that little guy. And then when they brought the bar over and started shoving it into his ribcage, I almost lost it... I was just sick... it was hard to remember that this was going to HELP him..."
"You were really courageous," I wrote.
"Thanks... but not really" Hugo replied
"Come on, Hugo. I know courage when I see it, and a man watching his child undergo surgery takes courage... Jilder IS your child, Hugo. He may be your brother too, but HE IS YOUR CHILD, as sure as any could be. And as your child, he needs you to survive. You are doing a wonderful thing helping Jilder to face a really hard event in his life."
And at the bottom of the pad I wrote:
"And remember.... I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU."
Hugo read it all and then looked up at me and smiled weakly. I know he was giving it all he had. Thank God I was here to be with the both of them. Together, the three of us would make it... somehow.
Meanwhile, down in recovery.
Jilder came out of the anesthesia really quickly, it seemed to me. One minute he was sleeping, the next he was moving his head back and forth saying, "I'm going to puke..."
Hugo held his hand the whole time.
Poor kid, I thought.
"Go ahead and vomit, if you need to," the nurse said, "But if you stay really, really still, don't move a muscle, then when the anesthesia wears off more you won't feel nauseas any longer-- you won't feel like you need to puke."
"okay...." a weak little voice whispered.
Oh, God. I'm not sure who was suffering the most, Jilder, Hugo, or me! What a scraggly family we made.... not a completely healthy body among us.
Hugo never dropped Jilder's hand even for a moment.
The surgeon walked in and came over to Jilder, putting his hand on Jilder's arm. "How are you feeling, Jilder."
He looked at the readings on the flashing green digital indicators that fluctuated continuously. All were reading normal blood pressure, pulse, and oxygenation.
"Really bad!" Jilder replied in a tired small voice.
"Well, you won't feel that way forever, Jilder, just maybe for a little while longer until the anesthesia wears off and your incisions begin to heal," the doctor offered.
"How long will that be?" Jilder nailed the doctor, BINGO! How would he answer THAT one, I wondered.
"The anesthesia will be out of your system in an hour; so you won't be feeling like you want to puke after that."
"And, Jilder, remember how hard it was for you to breath? Well, right away you'll notice that you're breathing easily, and your energy will bounce back quickly, because you're heart will be able to move the blood around your body the way it's supposed to do."
"The incision will be sore for maybe a week or longer. And that bar inside will take some getting used to-- it's going to feel a little uncomfortable every now and then, like when you're trying to sleep, but it'll be worth it to be able to breath and have energy. You'll feel like doing things again, Jilder. You won't have to stay in bed all the time..."
"How soon...." Jilder persisted. That kid's destined to be a trial lawyer.
"Soon...." the doctor has had plenty of practice in evasion...
"okay...." Jilder gave up, closed his eyes, and went back to sleep. I could identify with what the poor kid was going through. I just wish Papa could come and talk to him, like he did to me. That would be really nice, I thought... The doctor turned to Hugo and me and said, "His vital signs are normal, and he came through the procedure without any problems. I'm very, very pleased with that. Now there will be the expected difficulties of helping an 11-year-old to understand that the pains he'll be feeling will be temporary and the recovery-- although probably 2 to 3 years-- will be complete with no residual effects from either the procedure or the original condition that we corrected."
I asked, "Just how rare a condition is this, doctor?"
"Surprisingly, not all that rare. Maybe one in 10,000 adolescents. And in a large metropolitan area like we live in, I have two or three a month. In fact, I specialize in this condition. Jilder had to wait longer for the correction than I'd have liked, but the correction certainly was not made at the last minute. He was beginning to have real difficulty breathing and his energy suffered accordingly, but you'll discover that when his recovery really gets underway, he'll not only breathe normally and have normal energy, he'll probably experience a growth spurt and acquire some of the family robustness, if I can judge that from Hugo's stature."
The doctor smiled and nodded at Hugo.
Of course, poor Hugo was left to read lips all through this, and I guessed that later, when we were alone, he would want me to go over what the doctor had been saying.
Hugo just smiled and nodded, realizing that the doctor was saying positive things, even if he didn't know exactly what.
With that the doctor said that he would leave now and come back to Jilder's bed later that evening, after Jilder had finished in the recovery area. The doctor said that he didn't expect any unusual developments; so we could rest easier.
That was sure nice to know. I wrote that down immediately for Hugo to read. He smiled and nodded that he understood.
Hugo sat there next to Jilder's bed, holding his hand, and looking at Jilder's blood pressure and oxygenation levels fluctuate. I got up and walked out into the hallway, not because I needed anything in particular, but just because I felt confined and needed to get out of that cramped space and extended waiting.
In maybe ten minutes I went back in but the scene hadn't changed even a tiny bit: Jilder slept, Hugo held his hand and sat there beside the bed.
I walked up behind Hugo and put my hands on his shoulders. I gave him some deep massages and when I was sure no one was looking, two or three kisses on his neck and ears. I wrote on the yellow legal pad, "I love you... xxx" and dropped it in his lap.."
He read it and looked up at me smiling. He reached up to me with his one free hand and rubbed my chest tenderly.
After perhaps another half hour, Jilder opened his eyes again and spoke. "I don't feel like I wanna puke any more..." somewhat surprised at his own remark.
"Well," I said, "Terrific...They'll be wanting to send you back to your regular bed if you keep up your recovery like that..."
Hugo had been watching Jilder speak and knew what he'd said.
Hugo grunted out, "good," with a smile.
The nurse heard our conversation and popped back in looking at Jilder. "So you're feeling a little better now?" she asked.
"Yes, mama," he replied.
"I'm guessing that you won't be interested in food for a while, right?" she said.
"NNNOOOOOO food!" Jilder replied.
"But I do want a little water," he said.
"Hummm?" the nurse pondered that request. "Would you mind waiting maybe just a few minutes longer before you try water. We don't want to have to puke anything, if we don't have to, do we?"
"Huh?" Jilder responded.
"Let's be safe and wait another 5 minutes before the water? Okay?" she said.
"okay...." Jilder was in no mood to argue.
In five minutes Jilder had his water and was rolled back to his bed in the main ward. The nurse and the orderly moved him to his bed and propped his head up with a pillow. Hugo and I followed along never allowing ourselves to drift out of Jilder's line in sight. He seemed peaceful and content, and I'm sure Hugo's being there continually was no small part of his contentment.
The doctor arrived around 7pm and examined Jilder's bandages. He hadn't developed any complications like bleeding or erratic vitals, and his nausea had resolved quickly. There would be the discomfort of that metal retainer in his chest that would make its presence known right away. For that reason, the doctor directed the nurse to give Jilder medication that would put him to sleep for the night. Rest and sleep and more rest would be absolutely necessary for Jilder in the days immediately ahead, and especially tonight.
Good grief, I thought. Jilder and I will have to convalesce together... We'll have more in common than I thought.
I wrote on the pad and passed it to Hugo to read. Hugo had taken up his place right next to Jilder's bed holding his hand.
My note read, "Since Jilder will be sleeping all night with the sleeping medication, do you want to leave here now and go back to my place for the night? I can take you to work in the morning and then come over here to be with Jilder."
Actually, I was still writing while Hugo was reading, "Around eleven tomorrow I can drive to your hospital, pick you up and bring you back here to have lunch with Jilder-- I think he'd like that-- then I'd take you back to work. Of course, I could pick you up at the end of the day, and you could stay here maybe all night tomorrow night. Whatever YOU decide to do..."
"I just don't see any sense in staying here while Jilder is asleep under medication, and YOU need some good sleep too..." I concluded.
It was not all that late, but we were both showing signs of the demands of the day. And I, in particular, needed to get to bed. I didn't need to overdo it. Hugo nodded yes.
Then I turned to Jilder, "Jilder," I said, "Hugo and I will be going home to sleep after you fall asleep. But we will both come back tomorrow to be with you all day."
Jilder dropped off to sleep after nodding okay to me. I explained to the nurse what we planned, in order for her to remind Jilder if he woke tonight or tomorrow and didn't see Hugo or me.
Hugo wrote a note for Jilder to read when he woke up, and he stuffed it in the shirt pocket of Jilder's pajamas. He kissed Jilder and sighed in relief.
"The two people I love most in life are going to recover just fine, and I'll have them around for a very long time," Hugo thought.
And the nurse watched Jilder's family.
Hugo placed Jilder's hand on the bed, turned and picked up Kevin's, and rose for the two of them to leave the hospital. Then he stopped and went back to the bed and kissed Jilder on the forehead-- certainly more for his own benefit than for Jilder's-- then he kissed Kevin on the lips, and together they started walking down the center of the large ward. All of the lights were dimmed now; other nurses we ushering visitors away with whispers; this city of children was prepared for the night, and God's love and care settled over everyone there.