Time
Time! It seems to drag until I look back and realize how the years seemed to have slipped past. Married for thirty years, children grown and moved on with their lives, I find myself wondering. I know I love my wife, but over so many years, the lust is no longer there. I crave for touch, the want of being desired, but it is not to be. I know she loves me, but the desire from her is no longer there. We instead have our comfortable life, our patterns set.
I begin to search the web. Seeing advertisements from woman, but knowing I have not the money or the looks a woman would be seeking. I've tried to maintain myself, but still, a small pouch has grown.
I look further, ads from men, looking to suck and fuck, yet I find myself put off and nervous. Finally I see your ad. Older man, looking too give other men massages and subtly promising more.
I email you a message, looking at my words, a brief description, wanting to hide in anonymity, gathering the courage to push send.
I receive a reply soon after. You're available to meet that afternoon if I'm available. My hands shake. Should I? Can I? Many jokes I've heard about gay men, some I've told myself, though wondering.
Yes, I reply. I can meet with you. You provide me a number, ask me to call so you can provide me an address. I dial the number, trembling as I hear your voice.. You don't lisp or sound feminine. You sound like any other man I would possibly speak to if we happened to meet.
You don't live far from me, and I find myself walking to my car, wondering if all the neighbors can read my intent. Wondering if they are thinking, there goes a faggot, a man lover?
I reach your home after only a few minutes,. A normal looking, small single-family home, much like mine. I walk to your door, my head down lest someone may see me. I ring the bell and you open the door.
You are older then me, possible nearer too sixty. Grey hair, slightly balding with a gray goatee. You are shorter then me, but slim like myself. Your shirt covers your stomach, but I suspect a small paunch there as well. I smile as you invite me in. Every thing is so normal. No pictures of naked men, no garish colors.
We make small talk as you lead me to a back bedroom. A massage table sits in the middle of the dimly lit room. Go ahead and undress you tell me. I redden under your gaze as I remove my clothes.. Looking down from embarrassment as I finally remove my under wear. The same white jockeys I've worn all my life. I look up to see a slight smile on your face. Do you like what you see? Does my body interest you?
You instruct me to lie upon the table. I climb up and immediately lay face down, though quickly adjusting myself so my twitching penis points towards my feet. I hear the rustle of clothing and look over to see you pushing your pants off. Your semi-hardening member rising from the hair and junction between your legs.
I place my face back into the molded pad, and then feel your oiled hands begin to rub my back. I feel the firmness of your touch. Not the softer hands of a woman. I feel a twitching in my groin. We say nothing as you knead and rub my shoulders, moving ever lower. I want to feel your hands upon me. Mentally willing you to move lower, to cares my ass, to touch me "there."
Your hands lift and you move to my legs, working your way to my juncture. I can feel liquid seeping from my dick Remembering the feeling of desire after so long of desertion
Your hand grazes me and a moan slips from my lips. Yes! There! Touch me there, but no words come from my mouth. I feel your hands moving, feel them on my other leg as you again slowly ascend to my core. Again, your hand touches me. Again they are to quickly gone. Then I feel your hands on my rear. Rubbing and kneading both cheeks. Pulling them apart as you slide a finger between. Pausing at my opening, slowly rubbing at my hole. Yes, push into me, and as if reading my mind, I feel your finger pushing against my tight ring, suddenly feeling you inside of me. You slowly move your finger in and out, fucking me as I would finger a girlfriend from long ago. I feel my hips rising up to you, wanting to keep you inside.
Go ahead and roll over you quietly tell me. I move slowly, my mind questioning. But quickly I am on my back, exposed to you.
I watch you as you apply more oil to your hands. Smiling as you rub them to warm the oil. A smile on your face as you look down upon me. You know you are in control of my body, seeing me erect before you.
You begin rubbing my shoulders, again using strong firm pressure. You move to my chest and I gasp as you take my nipples and pinch them. A gasp escapes my lips, never before having felt the sensation that rocketed from my extended nipples to my twitching cock.
I want to show you my appreciation for how you are making me feel and begin to rub my hand inside your thigh. Building my courage, I move higher until finally I feel your rigid member. The first time I've touched another man's cock. I begin to stroke you and feel a twitch in your hips. Silently happy that I can perhaps return some of the pleasure you are giving me.
To soon your hands move lower and pass by my center. Again you begin working my ankles, torturously moving slowly upwards. I feel I am panting with want from the sensations you are causing. As you reach my groin, your hand fondles my sack causing my hips to rise, wanting more contact. Again your hands descend. Again they move slowly upwards.
I again feel you kneading my balls, then I feel your other hand grasp me. Slowly sliding your oily hands up and down as I begin to pant. I watch as you slowly lean forwards and take me into your mouth. I watch your lips as they encircle me. The way your cheeks puff out as your head descends, engulfing me, looking into my eyes the entire time. You slowly rise up, your cheeks now hollowed as you suck in.. The feeling of your warm moist mouth causing me to arch my back. Several times you repeat your journey. All I can do is look at you, trying to convey my appreciation through my eyes.
You stop, and I look too see you climbing atop the table. You lay atop me, you face near mine. I see your face approach me and then feel your lips upon mine. I close my eyes as I open my mouth to your questing tongue.. So different from a woman. I feel the bristle of your facial hair against my smoothly shaved skin. Stronger and harder then I've ever been kissed.. I feel your hard cock rubbing against my body. Sliding yourself on my oiled skin.
You break our kiss and rise up to your knees. You begin to shuffle forwards, spanning my body. I again feel my mind resisting. But then, your cock is at my lips. I open my mouth and you slowly move into me. I feel your warmness. Your hardness and the softness of your skin as you push further in. I accept your entry and avoid my teeth rubbing against you. Your are not thick and long like the movies I've seen and suddenly realize my nose is against your hair. The length of you resides in me and I suddenly think, I'm a cock sucker now.
You withdraw from me and I move my head, wanting to keep you in. I feel the slight bulge of the mushroom atop your dick against the insides of my lips. I run my tongue across the top of you, flicking the hole that I've only thought of before as a place to piss from. I hear you groan and look up to see your eyes closed. You again push forwards, again filling my mouth. I feel the saliva building in my mouth and swallow automatically, noticing then the thicker fluid leaking from you.
To soon you pull out from my mouth. Again you descend and we kiss. You rise up and staring into my eyes ask, "What do you want?"
Suddenly the fear hits me. How do I tell you I want you to take me. I want to feel you inside of me, fucking me, making me your bitch! I cannot say the words, it's as if my mouth is sealed. I can only stare back at you.
I see the disappointment on your face. Another man wanting his dick played with. Just another scared customer wanting to pretend. You begin to rise up. I can't let this happen.
"Please," I say quietly. "Please what." Again I am quiet. You hold your position above me. Finally my mind is cleared. "Please, I want to feel you in me." A small smile comes to your face. "Tell me more,, tell me want you want!"
"I want you to fuck me. I want your dick in me. I want you to make me your bitch." I say in a stronger voice.
He moves down my body and reaches for a condom, looking at me as he opens the package and slides the latex onto himself. He reaches for another bottle. I just catch the word "lube" on the side. He is now kneeling between my legs. "Raise your legs." He orders. I pull my legs up bending my knees to my chest. He squirts lube on my hole. I feel the cold liquid hit me, I feel my asshole pucker. Then his finger is gently moving into me. Stroking me as I watch his hand moving, groaning at the tingling he is causing. I feel a second finger pushing into me. Tighter now, slight pain, and then there are two fingers inside of me. I am panting now with the anticipation. I feel myself tighten as he works a third finger inside of me. "Relax, I won't hurt you." I look at him and feel a trust with him I've never felt with another man.
He moves forward and I feel the top of his cock move against me. I feel myself again tighten automatically. Is this what I want? "You look so good before me" he tells me. "So wanting, so handsome."
My body relaxes at his words, his smile so kind and a look of hunger in his eyes. I feel his hips move forwards and I feel my hole expanding to take him. Suddenly the top pops through and I groan with the sensation and slight pain. He pauses me, allowing my body to adjust. Our eyes are locked and when I nod my head, he begins to again move forwards. We continue to stare into each other's eyes until he stops moving. I suddenly feel so full, it feels so good. I feel his hips against my cheeks and realize he is fully in me. He smiles and begins backing out. I feel his cock head rubbing inside of me. I moan at the sensation as pangs of pleasure shoot straight to my hard dick. I feel my ring pulsing around him.
He backs until just the head of his dick is in me, then again his hips move forwards. I become accustom to him and he begins to rhythmically fuck me. He leans forwards and again our lips meet. I am panting into his mouth as he picks up speed. He rises up and begins to push harder against me. His hips now smacking against my butt. I feel my hole tightening around him. The sensation moving upwards tightening the skin below my balls. The pressure continuing upwards and moving into my dick. I cry out as I begin to spurt. My cum flying into the air to land upon my stomach. A litany of words escaping my lips. "More, harder, fuck me, fuck your bitch!"
He groans above me. I feel him tighten as he pushes into me hard. Can feel his cock pushing as he fills the condom with his fluids. I feel his body twitch as pulse after pulse rushes out of him. I can only lay there panting, gripping the sides of the table, satisfied that I had brought this lovely man such pleasure.
Slowly he opens his eyes as the tremors in his body subside. He begins too pull out of me, another groan escaping my lips as I feel the emptiness, my hole open and wanting. He leans forwards and takes my now soft cock into his mouth. Sucking and tonguing me. He then moves too my stomach to suck up the splatters of cum that lay there. He then moves forwards, again pressing his lips against mine as I taste the saltiness of my own cum that remains upon his lips. I begin licking his mouth and lips, wanting more of that substance. He moves away and peels the condom from his softened cock. He looks at me and understanding, I nod my head. He moves the condoms to my lips and wordlessly tips it, forcing the liquids within to run into my open mouth. I Feel the thickness of it and swirl it within my mouth before swallowing it down. He again lays his body atop mine. My hands wrapping around him and pulling him to me as our lips move together. I feel the muscles of his back and run down to grip his cheeks.
"That was really nice," he tells me quietly. I move my lips to his for a quick kiss as I tell him that it was fantastic. I groan as I feel the tightness in my legs from being up and bent to my chest for so long. He chuckles as he works his body off mine to stand beside the table. I slowly lower my legs, feeling the blood returning. I still feel my back hole quivering with the sensations.
He helps me off the table and has me sit until I can feel some strength return to my legs. We each dress quietly, then move out towards his front door.
He wraps his arms around me and again we kiss passionately. "You'll be back I hope?"
"I will, definitely"
I turn, opening the door and walk to my car. Now I don't care what any prying neighbors may think. I enter my car and look back towards the house. He is still standing there and gives me a small wave. I wave back then drive off.
Does this make me gay? I think to myself? No, I have never found myself looking at other men, wondering what It would be like. This was a loneliness and wanting. It was an experience between two men that cannot be matched by being with a woman.
I will return home, to my comfortable life, enjoying the comfortable love of and for my wife. But I also know I will be back to visit with him again as I still taste him in my mouth.