I am five days away from being a college freshman. I am not gay. I fantasize about guys and I may like them more than girls but that doesn't make me gay. I'm possibly bisexual but openly straight. I have a cool girlfriend who's bisexual for show. She thinks it's sexy for her to mess around with girls. She thinks it turns me on and I pretend like it does, but I really think it's disgusting. The thought of her with another girl is revolting. However, the thought of her with another guy turns me on to no end. I love the idea of a hot guy fucking her. I can just see his ass bouncing up and down between her legs and I can imagine what it would feel like if he was fucking me and not her.
Tonight I am at a big going away party. Scooter Jameson is going off to college. I could care less. I mean who died and made that asshole king? I'm going off to college too. Where's my fucking party? Everyone acts like Scooter single handedly won the state championship in football. What about me? I'm the fucking quarterback! I threw the three touchdown passes that he caught. I handed him the ball when he ran in for his fourth touchdown. I'm going to State on a football scholarship just like him but no one cares. I hate knowing that I'll be seeing him for four more years of my life. I hate it because I know it means four more years in his fucking shadow. God I hate him.
"Yo Bobby, think fast."
I look up and see a beer sailing towards me. I catch it and smile at Scooter. "Thanks, man." I hold the beer and look at Scooter for a second. He's not that much to look at. I mean he's tall and has a good body from football, but if you ask my opinion, he walks funny and he's not as cute as everyone says he is. His nose is way too damn big for his face and there's something about him that doesn't seem right. I don't understand why the girls love him and the guys want to be around him. He's not that special.
I take the beer and leave the room because I try not to be near Scooter. His presence alone is enough to put me in a sour mood. I find my girlfriend in the middle of a crowd of people dancing with her best friend. We've had a few drunken threesomes. Guys are always telling me how lucky I am to have the two of them. They have no idea that I spend the day after our threesomes throwing up and praying that we never do it again. Being between the two of them is just nasty. They're both cute girls but I'm not attracted to either of them. I have to think about guys just to stay hard. A few times I've gone soft and they've had to get me hard again.
I watch them dance while I drink. They would both look so much better if they were a few inches taller, had short hair, less pronounced hips and no breasts. I mentally pause for a second as I realize they would look like boys if I had my way. Boys are cute. I drop the empty beer can on the floor and I walk over and grab my girlfriend. I kiss her full on the lips. My hands go to her butt and I grab a handful of ass in both hands. I do these things to her all the time in public. I like knowing that people are watching me assert my male dominance.
She gently pushes me away and whispers, "You ready to go?"
I know I'm not drunk enough to give her what she wants so I kiss her on her forehead, "Not yet. Let's wait until other people start leaving."
She moves close again and smashes her breast against my chest. "Megan and I are going to have so much fun with you tonight."
"Not tonight." I never turn down a threesome so I have to think fast. I kiss her. "I just want to be with you tonight. We only have a week left and then I won't be able to see your pretty face everyday."
She pouts. It's so not sexy and it doesn't work on me, but I act like it does. "I told you to come to Spencer with me and Megan."
"Spencer didn't give me a scholarship." I move my right hand off of her butt and softly place it on her lower back. "Let's not talk about that. I don't want to lose my buzz." I kiss her on the lips again then I take my hands away and tell her, "Go dance with Megan." She turns and I smack her on her butt.
I watch Joann and Megan dance for a few minutes then I walk away. I pass through the living room and someone calls my name. I see that it's Scooter so I ignore him and keep walking. Seconds later a hand is on my shoulder. I stop and turn around.
"Where you going Bobby?"
"Nowhere."
Scooter puts his arm around my shoulder. "Come drink with the rest of us."
I pull away. "That's okay."
"Come on. Just one drink." He smiles at me.
I admit he has a nice smile. He should be a salesman because his smile would do all the work for him. His whole face seems to shine when he smiles. I can't say no to a smile like that. "Okay. One drink."
He leads me over to a table with a bunch of guys around it. I glance at the table and I know the one drink thing is not going to happen. "Look who came to drink with us!"
The guys cheer. I realize I only know two of them. One of them, Nate, a cornerback on the team, gets up and gives me his seat. I sit and the game begins. I down drink after drink, after drink until it's just me and Scooter left. I know I'm past my limit but I refuse to lose to Scooter so I keep drinking. The game ends at some point. I'm not sure who wins because I am completely gone. Someone leads me to Joann and then they lead us upstairs to a bedroom with a queen size bed. The person holds me and I say something out loud but I don't know what. They put me on the bed and I close my eyes. I open my eyes and see Joann kissing someone and then it's lights out for me.
I wake up and I'm naked. I don't know how I got this way. I'm spooning Joann and someone is spooning me. I am aware of a dick pushing against my butt and I realize it's a guy behind me. I want to move but I'm afraid to wake up anyone and I'm afraid to see the face of the guy in bed with us. My bladder begins to beg me to empty it and I have to choose between moving and pissing all over myself. Obviously, I decide to move. As I sit up, the arm draped around me pulls me tighter. It freaks me out for a second then I calm down and push the arm off of me. I get out of the bed and stumble to the door. My stomach feels sick from all the beer I drank and I swear the door moves a little as I try to unlock it. I finally unlock the door and then I stumble down the hallway until I find a bathroom. I walk in the bathroom and start peeing in the toilet. It seems like I'm standing forever. I sway a little. I know I can't stand much longer. Something tells me to sit. I straddle the toilet and sit slowly, carefully aiming my piss in to the bowl. I let my head fall forward and rest on the cloth covered toilet lid.
I hear a noise by the door so I look over and see someone standing in the doorway watching me. The person steps forward. I should have known Scooter would be the one to find me. I wonder why he's naked. He waits until I'm done pissing and then he puts his arms around me. "Let me go," I whine.
"I'm taking you back to bed."
He is the guy from the bed. I'm stunned. I let him help me stand and I let him give me a shake to get the extra piss off and I let him walk me back to the bedroom. He puts me in the bed and he smiles at me. God I hate his smile. I turn and hold Joann and I feel Scooter getting in bed with us. I look over my shoulder and ask, "What are you doing?"
"Going back to sleep."
"In here?"
"Yes."
"I um"
"Ssh, go to sleep. We can talk about it in the morning." He snuggles in behind me and my body twitches at first then I realize it feels nice. My body tells me not to protest. I kiss the back of Joann's neck and close my eyes.
I wake up again and Joann is missing and someone is jerking me off. I know it's Scooter and I wonder if I should pretend to be asleep of if I should stop him. He places soft kisses on my neck then he tightens his grip a little and I moan. He stops. He must know I'm awake. I have to say something. "Scooter?"
He moans in my ear, "Yes?"
"What are" I stop when I feel his hardon pressing against me. "Did we"
"Ssh," he whispers. He speeds up his jerking and I give in. I close my eyes and focus on shooting. Scooter keeps moaning in my ear and pushing against me. He starts kissing down my neck and then he nibbles on my shoulder. His lips feel like silk on my skin. I start shooting. He puts his hand over the tip and catches most of it. "Are you done?" he asks. All I can do is shake my head. He takes my load. His hand passes my head and I hear him taste the contents and say, "Mmm." Then he moves his hand to his hardon and I know he's smearing part of me all over part of him. His frantic pace shakes the bed and seconds later he shoots all over my ass. He moans loudly and then he sinks his teeth in to my shoulder and makes a whimpering sound. Suddenly he is completely still and we both lay there. I am afraid to move, but I'm not sure why he's not moving. A moment later his mouth releases my shoulder. He kisses the spot he bit and then lazily drops his arm around me.
I turn around and face him. His big nose doesn't look quite as big; in fact, his nose looks kind of cute, like a nice cushion on his face. He smiles. I smile back. Then he begins leaning in and I have to turn my head to keep him from kissing me. I quickly turn back around. "Where's Joann?"
"She got up and ran out. She's probably throwing up in the bathroom."
I sit up. "I should go check on her."
"Okay."
I slide across the bed, rubbing his cum in to the sheets, and I get up and walk out without looking at Scooter. The walk down the hallway is much easier than the other time. I think what happened with Scooter has sobered me up some. I push the bathroom door open and Joann is on the floor dry heaving in to the toilet. It is my duty as her boyfriend to help so I walk over to her and look at the mess she's made. I flush the toilet and hold her hair back. She dry heaves a few more times and then she stops and sits back on her feet. I let go of her hair and grab a towel and wet it with cold water then I wring out most of the water and put the towel on her forehead.
"Ann how much did you have to drink?"
She looks at me through semi-glazed eyes and says, "Too much." A hint of a smile dances across her lips and all I can focus on is the vomit on her face.
I use the towel and wipe her face. She tries to stand but she ends up pulling me down closer to her. I help her up and lead her back to the bedroom. Scooter gets up and helps me with her when I bring her in to the room. "You two are both lightweights," he comments as we put her in the bed and I tuck her in. She's asleep seconds after her head hits the pillow.
Scooter moves behind me and grabs me. I pull away, "Don't do that."
"Sorry."
I look at Joann and I'm not sure if I should lie down next to her and risk Scooter joining us or if I should find somewhere else in the house to crash. I see my underwear on the floor so I pick them up and put them on. I glance at Scooter who is proudly standing naked next to me like it's perfectly normal. I can't be in the same room with him. "I'm going"
He grabs my hand. "Let's go get something to drink."
I yank my hand away. "I think I've had enough to drink! I'm going to sleep on the floor."
"I just meant coffee or something, but fine, we can sleep on the floor."
"Not we," I correct, "I'm sleeping on the floor."
His smile is gone. I see that he gets it. His eyes stare at a spot on the carpet. "No she's your girlfriend. You take the bed and I'll sleep on the floor."
His suggestion seems quite rational and I wonder why that solution hadn't occurred to me. "Okay."
I crawl in the bed and put my arm around Joann. Scooter kisses Joann on her cheek and then he kisses me on my cheek and says, "Goodnight."
He lies on the floor and I lay in the bed. I can't seem to get comfortable. I miss him being behind me but I can't let on that I want him to join us again so I lay there, miserable and uncomfortable, and I wait until my body has no choice but to go to sleep.
Someone is pushing me. I wake from my dream and discover that someone is shaking me in real life. I open my eyes and see Joann. The brightness of the room makes my eyes flutter and I close them for a second. "Wake up," Joann says while shaking me some more.
I open my eyes again. I remember where we are and my eyes open wider. I sit up and look around the room for Scooter. I see him sprawled out on the floor, naked as the day he was born. "What happened?" I ask.
"You don't remember?" I give her a look and she starts explaining, "You got loaded and Scooter came to get me and we brought you up here and then you told Scooter you wanted him to fuck me because you couldn't."
"I did?"
"Yes, and we asked if you were sure and you said I keep giving you Megan and you wanted something different. You said you wanted to watch me with another guy."
"I said all that?"
"You were hard to understand, but yeah. That's what you said."
"And you did it?"
She blushes. She never blushes. "Yes. You watched for a minute then you went to sleep then you woke up and started watching again."
"And you actually let him do you?"
"I was drunk."
"Your memory seems pretty good."
"You know how I am. I remember everything."
That's true. She drinks like a fish, loses all her inhibitions, gets sick and then remembers everything the next day except for the getting sick part. "How are you feeling?" I ask.
"My head hurts like hell, but I guess I deserve it. How about you?"
I look at Scooter on the floor. "I'm wondering exactly what happened with me and Scooter."
She laughs. "Don't freak out. Nothing happened. Scooter and I did it and when we were done you pulled me close and cuddled with me. Scooter felt left out so he got behind you and cuddled with you."
"Why didn't he just get on the other side of you?"
"There was no room."
"You could have scooted over."
"We were drunk. I don't think anyone was thinking clearly. It's not like he tried to touch you or something. Stop being so homophobic! Trust me, Scooter is straight."
I beg to differ but I keep that to myself because I don't want her to know what I did with Scooter, well what Scooter did to me because it was all him. I had no part in what happened between us. I stare at Scooter's body on the floor and I begin to feel angry. How dare he fuck my girlfriend, even if I did tell him to do it. Hell, he's better than me at everything, he probably fucked her better than I ever could. Joann will probably be dissatisfied with everything I do now. I stare at Scooter's chest as it rises and falls and I hate him for breathing. I hate him for existing. I hate him for being so damn likeable that everyone loved him except me. I hate him for using his smile to manipulate me. How dare he smile at me and how dare he touch me like that, and how dare he grab my hand and how dare he hold me.
I fly out of the bed and start hitting Scooter. He wakes up and tries to push me away. When he realizes I'm serious, he quickly does a few moves and pins me beneath him. I look at Joann and she's in shock. I close my eyes and pray that he has a slow agonizing death and he burns in hell for all of eternity for emasculating me in front of my girlfriend. This is why I hate him. His natural prowess irks me to death. There has to be something that he's not good at but I don't know what it is. The way he acts, he'll probably die like a pro and end up on the VIP list in heaven.
I open my eyes and glare at him. His eyes stare back at me and that stupid irresistible smile begins to appear. "That's enough boys, now kiss and make up," Joann says.
"Okay," Scooter replies.
I see his face coming close to mine, but I don't move. His lips press against mine and I try to move but he has me securely pinned beneath him and I am powerless to stop him. He presses his lips harder against mine and his tongue quickly flickers across my lips. Without warning, his tongue begins applying more pressure and forces its way in to my mouth by slipping almost effortlessly between my lips. I want to kill him but my body wants to thank him for the sensations its having. I tentatively return the kiss hoping that he will back off when I do, but he doesn't. His kiss becomes more insistent and more passionate and I get carried away by the waves of pleasure sending signals throughout my body. He ends the kiss as abruptly as he began it and I open my eyes the second his tongue leaves my mouth. I want his tongue back. I want the full pressure of his body back. His kiss was nothing short of amazing. I have never been kissed like that by anyone. I take a deep breath and watch him as his face moves farther away and he starts standing up.
I am one with the carpet. I cannot move. I don't want to. I want to lay there and memorize every moment because it will never happen again. I'm not gay. There's no way I'm going to kiss a boy again, even if it was the best thing I have ever felt. Scooter extends his hand and I take a deep breath before I grab it. I stand and surprise myself when I realize I've been staring in to his eyes. He smiles at me and makes me weak in the knees.
I look at Joann. Her mouth is wide open. "That was hot!" she says. "Do it again!"
Scooter's arms snake around my waist and he starts pulling me closer. Right before we're close enough to kiss again, I have a moment of clarity. I can't let him kiss me. I push him away, "Eww, that's so gay," I say. I know it's childish but it was the best I could come up with.
He looks hurt but he quickly recovers and smiles again. He quietly mumbles, "What's really gay is how hard you are right now." He turns to Joann and laughs, "He's not going to kiss me again, so what about you?"
Joann looks at me for permission. I shake my head without thinking then I am forced to watch as Scooter shoves his tongue down my girlfriend's throat. The thing that hurts the most is not the fact that the guy I hate is kissing my girlfriend, but rather, the fact that the guy I hate is kissing my girlfriend and I wish I was her. I immediately think about how his lips felt against mine.
"Okay you two," I say.
Joann stops the kiss and Scooter backs away. He grabs his pants off the floor and winks at me as he leaves. "See you at college."
What is that suppose to mean? Is he trying to tell me something or is he just stating the obvious. I start putting my clothes on. Joann begins doing the same. "What a night," I say as I pull my shirt over my head.
"I know. I can't believe you got off on me being with another guy and Scooter at that. I thought you couldn't stand him."
I have nothing else to say to her. We finish up and leave Scooter's cousin's house without seeing Scooter again. As I drive Joann home, I file away the memory that she let Scooter fuck her and I plan to use it to break up with her before I leave. I love that she tries so hard to please me but I'm not going to be anyone's meal ticket. She was fun for high school and that's it, high school. College means I need a woman, not a girl.
I drop Joann off at her house and then I stop at a donut shop for some coffee and a donut. I decide to eat there so I sit at a small table by the window. My back is to the door and I don't see him until it's too late. I hear him first. He orders a glazed donut and a regular coffee. His voice sends shockwaves through my body and I panic. I grab my donut and my coffee and head for the door. Nate is standing behind him and Nate sees me.
"Hey Bobby!" Nate shouts. They all turn to look at me. I make eye contact with Scooter and I freeze. I am scared to death and I fear I might be only seconds away from losing control of my bodily functions and shitting myself. "Damn, you look like you've seen a ghost," Nate says. He steps towards me and blocks my view of Scooter. "Maybe you should sit back down for a few minutes." I want to say no but I can't. I let Nate guide me to a table and pull out a chair. I sit and then he sits down next to me. "Dude, are you okay?" he asks.
I stare at him for a moment and try to remember how to speak. I nod my head a few times before I manage a weak, "Yes."
"No you're not," he says. "What happened? Did you have a fight with Joann?" His hand makes contact with my shoulder and my mind goes blank. For a moment I'm back in the bed and Scooter is biting that same shoulder. Nate shakes me a little. "Is that it? Did you have a fight with Joann?" I don't answer. "I know it must be rough," he says. "The two of you have been together since freshman year, but maybe it's for the best. If you're meant to be then everything will work out and you'll end up together. You know that don't you?"
Scooter sits down across from me and I glance at his eyes before I focus on the table. The table can't seduce me. The table can't remind me of what it feels like to be in its arms. The table is safe. "What's wrong?" Scooter asks.
You. I hate you. I hate everything about you. I even hate your stupid nickname. Who the fuck calls their son Scooter? How do you get a nickname like that? I give him a look of irritated disbelief. Then he smiles and I wish I can jump over the table and kill him. I just want him to go away. I don't like being near him. I don't like the way I feel when I'm near him. I don't like the way he looks at me when I'm near him.
Nate and I have been friends since sophomore year when we both made varsity. He puts his arm around me, "Do you want to go somewhere private and talk?"
My eyes dart to Scooter and I see him glare at Nate for a moment before he looks back at me and smiles. "We're all cool here," Scooter says. Scooter's cousin sits down next to him.
I think for a moment. "We're not all cool," I tell him. "I've never liked you. You grate on my last nerve! Everything about you irritates me. The fact that you exist at all is a thorn in my side."
He laughs nervously and says, "Tell me what you really think." I stare him down and he returns my stare with the same intensity. I blink and he says, "Ha, you blinked first."
"Everything isn't a fucking joke!" I shout as I stand and walk away from the table. Fuck my coffee and my donut. I just want to get away.
I'm in my car and about to slam the door when Nate runs up. "Wait!" He holds my door so I can't close it then he inserts his body between the door and the car. "What was the about?" he asks.
He knows I don't blow up on people for no reason. He knows something is wrong and I know it's best to tell him something. I tell him the first thing that comes to mind, "He fucked Joann last night."
Nate looks surprised. "He did?" He takes a step back. "Aww man, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"No one knows."
"I can't believe Scooter would do that. He's always talking about how much he respects you. You don't do that to someone you respect. That's fucked up." He looks back towards the donut shop. "I didn't know he had it in him."
"Neither did I," I say.
"How'd you find out? Did she tell you?"
"Yes."
He stands there lost in thought for a moment. "Will you give me a lift home?"
"Huh?"
"I came here with Scooter and Sean but I don't know if I can look at Scooter right now. I thought he was a better person than that. How could he do this to me?"
"To you?"
Nate looks at me. He appears close to tears. "I meant how could he do this to you? It's not right and to make it worse the rest of us are moving on to different schools but you two are going to college together. You're going to be on the same team. You're going to have to throw the ball to him. How can you have any chemistry on the field?"
"Nate it's just football. I spent four years throwing him the ball and not liking him. I'm sure I can handle four more."
"I guess you can." He sticks his head closer. "So are you giving me a ride or not?"
"Sure, hop in."
Nate and I spend the next fifteen minutes bashing Scooter. Well in all fairness, I spend the next fifteen minutes bashing Scooter and Nate listens. Nate has always been a good listener. I drop him off and then I drive home.
I spend the next week getting ready for college and ignoring Joann. The day before I'm planning to leave I see Joann' car parked by the curve as I pull in. I walk inside and Joann and my parents are sitting at the table talking. The conversation stops when they see me.
"What's going on?" I ask.
"Why have you been avoiding Joann?" my mother asks.
"I don't really think it's any of your business," I say. My mother raises her eyebrows and I can almost hear her screaming, `What the hell did you just say to me?' I lean against the door. "Look Joann knows what she did and I don't know why she's here pretending like I suddenly started ignoring her."
Joann looks terrified. "You know?"
My mother tells my father they should go in the living room and they leave. I sit at the table across from Joann. "What do you mean, `I know?' of course I know."
"Who told you? Was it Nate or Scooter?"
"Huh?" It occurs to me that we may be talking about two different things so I start fishing, "Oh, um, Nate told me."
"What exactly did he say?"
"He told me everything."
"When?"
I had only seen Nate once that week. "He told me Saturday morning after the party."
She puts her head down. "I'm sorry," she says, "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," I tell her.
"It's not okay. I shouldn't have cheated on you."
"You cheated on me?"
She squints at me and then softly asks, "You didn't know?"
I hesitate, "Of course I knew. It just sounds strange when you say it out loud." I fold my arms. "I can't believe you cheated on me with Scooter."
"Scooter? You can't count that against me! You told me to do it."
It's Nate. Joann is cheating on me with Nate. "You're right. I did." I sit back in my chair. "You and Nate, huh?"
She wipes her eyes. "Yeah," she whispers.
"What about me?"
"You have to get drunk just so you can have sex with me. Nate doesn't." She puts her hand on the table. "I can't believe he told you. I thought maybe Scooter said something, but I can't believe it was Nate."
"How long has Scooter known?"
"He was there when it all started."
I look at her red hair that's cut in to a bob around her face. She's evil. I flashback to Nate's reaction that morning when I told him about Scooter and Joann. Nate was hurt because Scooter knew about him and Joann and Scooter fucked her anyway. "Nate loves you," I whisper.
She stares at me with shock on her face and then she shakes her head. "I know." I start laughing. "What's so funny?" she asks.
"All summer I've been planning on dumping you tonight. I've been mentally storing excuses to break up with you and I have a shitload of reasons but now they don't matter. I never thought you would cheat on me. I never counted that as a possibility." I stand up. "We're through." I turn to walk away. "You can let yourself out."
"Wait!"
I stop but I don't turn around. "What do you want?"
"I want you to ask yourself why you have to work so hard to get it up for me but you sprang up just from Scooter holding you on the way to the bedroom that night."
"I was drunk!"
"You weren't drunk the next morning when you kissed him like you loved you. I have never seen a kiss that passionate before. There was something there."
"There was nothing there!"
"How can you deny it? I saw it with my own two eyes!"
"You need glasses then."
"No I don't!"
I glare at her over my shoulder and remind her of the most important fact. "I hate him, remember?"
"Maybe you don't hate him as much as you say you do."
I turn around completely and face her. "What the hell is that suppose to mean?"
She grabs her purse and stands. "You're in the top ten percent of the class. You figure it out!" I watch her stomp across the kitchen and out the door. I go to my room and sit on my bed and I realize that I'm more upset that she implied I might be gay than I am with her cheating on me with Nate. I tell myself that I can't be gay and if I was gay Scooter would be the last man on the planet who I would fall in love with.
After a few minutes, I walk to my desk, shutdown my computer, unhook all the parts and pack it away in a box. My room is packed up for the most part. I'm leaving my winter clothes behind because I plan on coming home and exchanging them with my summer clothes when the weather starts to change. I'll probably be home at least once or twice a month. The good thing about State is that it's not too far. Two and a half hours away from home is a good enough distance for me to feel independent and still be close enough to come home whenever I want.
I have dinner with my family and around dusk I start loading up my car. I am putting a box on top of my luggage in the trunk when I hear someone pull in behind me. I sit the box down and turn around. The headlights blind me. The person turns the lights off and I make out a red truck and a guy with a hat in the driver's seat. The guy gets out and I carefully watch Scooter walk towards me. It seems like slow motion. He leans against the front of his truck and says, "We need to talk."
"No we don't."
"There's something I need to tell you."
"No there isn't." I turn and push the box to the back of the trunk. I stand up and turn back around. Scooter is close enough to kiss me. I back away and end up sitting in the trunk. "What the hell?"
"Now that I have your attention, maybe you'll listen." I move to stand but he pushes me back down. "Stay there," he barks. "Don't you want to know what happened between us in that room?"
"No!"
"Why not? I would want to know."
"Well I'm not you. I don't want to know. I don't care! Nothing happened!"
"Something did happen! Something happened between us. I know you felt it!"
"I didn't feel anything but I did see you fucking my girlfriend!"
"You got off on me fucking your girlfriend!" He kicked my legs apart and stepped between them. "Did Joann tell you how hard you got while I carried you up the stairs? Did she tell you that you woke up before I started fucking her and you kissed her but your eyes stayed on me? Did she tell you that you took off your clothes and begged me to let you line me up with her? Did she tell you that after I was inside her, you got on the floor behind us and watched me fuck her or that you kept putting your hands on my butt and squeezing it? Did she tell you that?" He takes another step forward. "Did she tell you that the only reason I fucked her was so that you could see what a slut she was and while I was fucking her all I was thinking about was fucking you?" He rubs the side of my face. I turn away. "No, she didn't tell you that because she didn't know, but you knew didn't you?"
I swallow hard. "How would I know?"
"I see the way you look at me." He leans down and whispers, "You know all about me don't you?" His words stop me from breathing. "I know about you too. Any doubt I had went away the moment I felt your hand gliding over my ass. I knew you were watching me, not Joann." The back of his hand rubs my cheek. "You have no idea how long I've waited for a sign from you, for anything, just a hint that it could be possible."
I swat his hand away. "That what could be possible?"
"That you could be like me."
"I'm not like you."
I can feel his eyes staring at me and I look away. "You don't have to be afraid. It's okay. We can go off to State and see what happens. We don't have to tell anyone about us." That sets me off. I push him away and try to stand but I hit my head on the top of the trunk and fall back down. He reaches out to help me. "Are you alright?"
I swat his hands away again. "Get away from me. There is no us."
"Why not? I know you broke up with Joann"
"That was like five hours ago, how the hell do you know about it?"
"Joann called Nate and he called me because he knew he didn't tell you so he assumed I did. How the hell did you figure it out anyway?"
I say, "It just kind of came to me."
"Well now that the two of you are over, why can't we have something? I'm not asking for much. I mean I hate being this way probably as much as you do. That's why this is perfect. I don't want to tell anyone either. You can have all the girlfriends that you want and I'll have some girlfriends too and we can have each other." He grabs my hand. "Can't we?"
I want to. I want to so badly I can feel it throughout my body. I want to have him. I want him to be mine. I want to grab the back of his head and pull him close to me and kiss him but I can't do it. I'm not gay. What I'm feeling isn't real. "We can't."
He kisses me. I am thankful that it is dark outside. I kiss him back because I can't stop myself. My first instinct is to pull him on top of me but then I start thinking. I can't do this. I can't be this. I'm not this. I push him away. "Don't fight it," he says. His hand starts rubbing up my thigh. "You want it too, just give in."
Oh God, he's right. I do. I want it. I don't want to want it though. I push him away. "I won't tell anybody about you, but leave me alone because I'm not like you."
He leans in and kisses my ear then whispers, "I'm the only person around. I know that wet spot I felt is for me. You must be leaking like a faucet just thinking about all the things we can do to each other."
"It's not for you," I protest.
"Don't lie to my face. You can deny how you are all you want but you can't deny how I make you feel when I'm close. That's why you avoid me like I'm the plague. You can't handle being near me. What ever this is between us, its real and you don't want it to be. I didn't want it to be at first but after Friday night, all I could think about was you. I was going to wait until we went to State to tell you how I felt but then Nate called and told me about Joann and I wanted to stop by and tell you how I felt so that if you rejected me I would know before school started and I could walk on campus tomorrow and do my best to try to get over you." He puts his hand on my knee, "But now that I've touched you again and kissed you again, I know I can't get you out of my system that easily. I need to be with you, just once. That's all I'm asking for. One night. We do everything we've ever wanted to do to each other and then we try to go back to our normal lives. I've got a single at State. You can give me your answer tomorrow after our first practice." He walks to his truck and gets in and leaves.
I hate him more now because he has confused me. His offer is tempting. I'm not gay but one night with him seems like a good way to prove to myself that I'm not. All I need to do is be with him and then walk away. Walking away will prove that I'm straight. I can say that I've been with a guy and it's not for me.
I crawl out of the trunk and close it. I can't finish packing tonight. I can't even think straight. My mind is a mush of images of Scooter and memories of him touching me and kissing me and standing close to me.
I go to bed and wake up the next morning at 6 so I can finish packing up my car. I have breakfast with my parents and then we say our goodbyes. My mother asks if I'm sure I don't want them to follow me up there. I tell her I've been to State's campus so many times I think I can drive there in my sleep. She laughs and kisses me goodbye then she cries. My father gives me a hug and tells me to call when I get there.
My father says, "Make sure you call Billy. Maybe the two of you can grab a bite to eat."
"Yes Dad." I start to tell him Billy and I will never have the relationship he wants us to have. All brothers aren't going to be close. Billy and I are a testament to that. The five years that divides us seems like an eternity. The only thing we have in common is a love of football. He lives a few blocks away from State with some friends and he doesn't come home much. I already know what's going to happen. I'll call him, we'll go to lunch or dinner and we'll sit across from each other and barely say two words. Maybe he'll bring up football and we'll talk about that for a few minutes but the conversation will die again and we won't resurrect it.
I get in my car and back out of the driveway. The house looks different but I assume that's because I know I won't be seeing it again for a while. I hope I don't get homesick.
Campus is bustling with activity when I arrive. I pull up in the parking lot of my dorm building and I go in to register and get my keys. I check out my room first. I have a single in the right next to the bathroom. My room is about half the size of my bedroom at home and I wonder how I'm going to live like this. I tell myself that my independence is worth the sacrifice.
I have my last piece of luggage in my hand and I'm locking up my car when I see a red truck pull up. My heart stops. I'm not ready to see him yet. The truck doesn't fully park before Scooter jumps out and says, "Hey Bobby!"
I don't know what to do so I close my door, grab my luggage and run to my dorm room. I pray he's not in the same dorm as me. I try to calm down by unpacking my boxes and fixing up my room. I call my parents and tell them I made it and then I call Billy. Billy doesn't have much to say. We talk about possibly having dinner over the weekend and then I hang up and take a nap.
I contemplate skipping the first practice but I remember my scholarship and I don't want to start out on the wrong foot. I throw on some work out clothes and go to the field. The first practice is easy. I keep my head down or focus on Coach Reynolds because I don't want to risk seeing Scooter. We get our numbers, get dressed and run a few plays. Coach Reynolds ends by giving us a workout room schedule and letting us know that all of us may not make the team. I'm here on a scholarship so I know I'm on the team.
I am in the shower when someone taps me on my shoulder. I look to my left and see Scooter. "Have you decided?" he asks.
"The answer is no."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Are you going to the football party tonight?"
"I don't know."
"We should meet up and go together since we only know each other."
"I know Tony, Mark and Ron."
"You just met them."
"I'm safer going with them than I am with you."
"I'm not going to do anything. I respect your decision. Can I at least tag along?"
"Um"
He looks past me. "Hey Tony, you going to the party?"
"Yeah."
"You want to meet up with me and Bobby and go with us?"
"Sure."
"We're both in Miller. Where do you live?"
"I'm off campus but we can meet in front of Miller around 9 and go to Mark's to pregame."
"Sounds good," Scooter says then he slaps me on my ass and asks, "How does that sound to you Bobby?"
"Yeah, that's cool," I croak. My left ass cheek stings so I rub it.
"I didn't hit you that hard," he says.
I ignore Scooter and the rest of the guys as I focus on finishing my shower and getting as far away from Scooter as possible. I'm putting on my regular clothes when Scooter walks over to me. "What?" I ask.
"What floor are you on?"
"Why do you want to know? I'll just meet you by the door at 9."
"I thought I could stop by before then and we could talk."
"I'm not interested in talking to you."
"Fair enough. I guess we have a date for 9."
"It's not a date."
He smiles. "I'm in room 319 if you change your mind about talking." He walks away and I finish changing and leave.
I grab some food on my walk back to the dorm and think about Scooter the entire time. I wish he would disappear. The best case scenario for me is that he mysteriously vanishes and never comes back. I can live with him being gone, it's seeing him that gets to me.
Around 8:30 I put on some fresh clothes and some deodorant and sit in my room and wait to leave. I tell myself that I will ignore Scooter all night. I plan on ditching him at the party. I may even head back early just to make sure I'm free of him for the night. At 8:50 I get on the elevator and go down to the first floor. Tony and Scooter are already waiting for me.
"What took you so long?" asks Tony.
"He had to ride down all the way from the seventh floor," Scooter says.
I look at Scooter and wonder how he knows what floor I live on. Tony begins walking, "Let's go."
Mark's room is in some frat house a block away from campus. His room looks more like bar than a bedroom. There is beer and liquor everywhere. Scooter and I end up sitting on the bed. Tony sits on a bean bag and Mark sits at his desk. Mark opens his refrigerator and pulls out a few beers. He tosses each of us one. He sets up his video game system and we play a few games and drink and then we leave for the party around 11:30.
I am not drunk when I reach the party. I have a little buzz, but I feel fine. I feel loose and I'm being nice to Scooter. We go in the party and laugh and drink with the other guys. Scooter and I both try the "State Pride Punch" that is mixed up in a large cooler. The punch knocks me on my ass. I start feeling happy. Scooter keeps putting his arm around my shoulder when we talk to people and he keeps smiling at me and laughing with me and I'm starting to mind it less and less.
Tony leaves the party with some girl. Mark meets up with some guys he met when he visited during the summer. Scooter and I cut out around 1. Scooter keeps his arm around my shoulder the whole time. I sober up a little by the time we reach Miller.
We go in the dorm and Scooter invites me up to his room to talk. I am sober enough to know I should say no, but I am also sober enough to concoct a plan. I can go to Scooter's room and let whatever happens, happen and then I can blame it on the alcohol.
"One night," I tell him.
He squeezes my shoulder, "One night."
We go to his room and I see he hasn't fully unpacked yet but his bed is made. He closes his door and locks it then his hands are all over me. We kiss and I let go of my thoughts and just go with what feels good and everything we do feels good. Scooter taking my clothes off makes me want to melt. Touching his body while I take his clothes off excites my fingers. Feeling his lips leave tender kisses down my body makes me ache for more inside. He kisses the head of my penis and I almost jump off the bed. It's all too much for me. He takes me in his mouth and rolls his tongue around the shaft and I cry out in pleasure. Nothing Joann ever did to me compares to his mouth.
He suddenly stops, "Why'd you stop?"
"You said one night and I want to make it last."
"I can get off more than once."
"Well in that case," he buries me inside his mouth again and I grab his pillow and put it over my face in order to keep from screaming too loud.
His finger starts playing with my crack. It feels so wrong but at the same time it feels so right. He takes his finger and puts it in his mouth while he's still sucking me. The added sensation of his finger sends strong pulses through my shaft. He slips his finger out of his mouth and presses it against my hole. I know what he is about to do. I tell myself I should stop but I can't. I am too turned on to do anything but enjoy what is happening to me. It feels like an out of body experience when he sticks his finger inside me. I squirm and he pushes his finger in deeper. He starts circling around with his finger and he rubs my spot. He keeps rubbing it and I shoot in his mouth without warning. He swallows and licks me clean. I stay hard.
He crawls up the bed and lies next to me. "Do you want to do it to me?"
I look at him. "I'm drunk enough to try anything."
I mimic everything he did to me. I lick the precum off his tip and I have my first taste of him. He tastes tangy but good. I start to suck him in earnest, eagerly waiting for him to shoot in my mouth so I can taste more of him. I do the same thing with my finger that he did with his. He groans when I push my finger inside him. "I didn't think it would feel this good," he says between pants. His words inspire me to suck harder and he rewards me a few minutes later when he begins to shoot in my mouth. He doesn't shoot much but I like the taste of what does come out. I clean him the same way he cleaned me and then I kiss my way up his body. I can't believe what I'm doing and I can't believe that I'm looking forward to doing more.
I reach his lips and I initiate a kiss. I grind my naked body in to his and the friction starts feeling good, really good. We stop kissing and I moan in to his ear while he moans in to my ear. Soon I realize it's feeling too good. I'm close to the edge. I know from masturbating that I can only shoot twice and then we'll have to wait a while and I don't want to wait to experience anything.
"What else do you want to do?" I ask.
"Uh-uh-uh-I-uh-I want to be inside you."
I get off of him and roll on the bed. "Don't let me stop you."
He looks me in my eyes, "You really want to do this?"
"Yes!" He reaches under the bed and pulls out a bottle of lube and a condom. "You're prepared."
"I knew we'd end up here eventually."
"How'd you know?"
"Because you can't fight what's between us." He kisses me and then tells me to turn over. I turn over and he kisses my ass. He starts kneading my butt and pushing me in to the mattress. I moan.
"Feels good doesn't it?" I moan my answer. He starts pulling me up by my hips and soon my butt is sticking up in to the air. "I can make you feel even better." Something soft and wet presses against my hole.
"What is that?"
"Ssh." He licks my crack and I know it's his tongue. His tongue pushes in to me and I realize there's something better than being sucked off by him. Everyone should have someone stick a tongue up their ass at least once. I start whimpering. I will myself to stop but the sensations only cause me to whimper more. He takes his tongue out and I feel empty.
"Where'd you learn to do that?"
"I read about it online."
"How do I taste?"
"The same way I assume I'm going to taste when you do that to me."
I laugh nervously. I can't imagine doing that to anyone. I hear him open the lube and then I feel his finger sliding in me. His finger feels cool. He wiggles another finger inside me. His fingers are circling inside me, stretching me and making me want to feel the real thing. He slaps my ass and then he takes his fingers out. I feel the head first. He pushes in slowly and I bite my lip because it hurts but I don't want him to know. He keeps pushing and just when I'm wondering if it will end, his pubic hairs come to rest against my skin.
He waits a few moments and then he starts rocking back and forth. He works his way up to pushing in and out and then he gets in to a rhythm. I can't believe I'm being fucked and I can't believe I'm enjoying it. I can hear myself panting, "Oh, oh, oh."
His breathing becomes heavy and he kisses my ear and whispers, "I'm about to shoot. Do you want me to give it to the condom or do you want another taste?"
"Taste," I pant.
Scooter pulls out of me. "Turn over."
I turn over and he straddles my face and rips the condom off. He starts jerking. I feel kinky and sexy and oddly enough, appreciated. I stick out my tongue and he lets drops of precum ooze on to my tongue then he grabs the back of my head and sticks the tip in and shoots. It's less than the first time, but just as tasty.
He pulls out and smacks my face with his dick then he smiles at me and scoots back so he can kiss me. He keeps scooting back until his butt hits my hard on. I am seconds away from bursting so the contact makes me shudder. I pull his face towards mine and kiss him. "Now it's my turn, right?"
He laughs. "My body is your playground."
I do to him what he did to me and once I enter him I know what heaven feels like. I last all of two seconds before I shoot in to the condom. I pull out of him and apologize for not offering him a taste. He takes the condom off of me and rolls it down and sucks out my juices. Something about it is sexy. "There's more where that came from," I tell him.
"I thought you couldn't shoot more than twice."
"I need time to recharge then I'll give you more of what you want."
"You want it too," he teases.
"We have one night together and I want to get as much out of you as I can." He kisses me and leans back and smiles. He looks so cute. "Let's take a nap so I can get my strength back."
He spoons me and we fall asleep. I wake up the next morning and feel his body against mine. I hate that the idea of waking up like this every morning brings a smile to my face. I move because I have to piss. He grabs me. "Where do you think you're going?"
"I have to pee."
"Are you coming back?"
Of course I'm coming back. I don't want to leave. I try to think of a legitimate reason for my return. "We never did it again so I guess I have to come back and give you a good taste before our night is officially over."
"You do realize you're going to be sober this time, don't you?"
I shrug my shoulders. "A deal is a deal."
"And you are a man of your word. I like that." He winks at me. I put on my pants and slip on my shoes then I walk down the hallway to the bathroom. I'm taking a piss when Scooter walks in and stands at the urinal next to me.
I finish and wash my hands and wait for him. He rushes to wash his hands and he practically flies down the hallway with me following close behind. He slams the door and locks it. "You're not going to be able to do that tomorrow when the rest of the students arrive."
"I know."
He kisses me and we begin an encore performance of the night before. I didn't know sex could be so satisfying and exciting. We stop for a brief intermission and he asks if I'll come back that night.
I remind him, "The deal was for one night."
"I know but I just thought maybe we could have another night. Just one more, that's all."
"Okay, one more night, but that's it."
That one more night turns in to another night and another night and soon we're hooking up on a regular basis. I know I'm not gay but I have accepted our relationship for the experimentation that it is and I'm going to roll with the punches for a little while. I'm sure I'll have this out of my system soon because I know this is just a phase. I am not in love with Scooter and I never will be because I can't love him. I like him a lot and now I enjoy being around him but that is the depth of my emotional connection to him. I'm not gay. I can't be. I won't be.
c Lustyville 2007 Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out my other stories at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville