Disclaimer: I have an overactive imagination, the result of which is this story. I do not know Clay Aiken or any other celebrities mentioned in this story, and I do not intend to imply anything about their true sexualities. Simply file this in the "Wouldn't it be nice...?" portion of your mind. Also, if you are under legal age to be reading this sort of stuff (18 in most areas), then leave now. All the rest of you who ARE of age, please enjoy my little mind trip away from the land of reality.
CHAPTER 16
After Mom left the room, Clay, Rachel, and I just sat and stared at each other, none of us knowing what to say. Mom could be so hard to read sometimes. Usually, it was best to just let her go off by herself, calm down for a while, and then come back. We decided this was the case, and the three of us ate the rest of our meal in silence.
After dinner, Clay excused himself to the living room. It was Rachel who spoke first. "Why didn't you TELL me you and Clay were dating??"
"Honestly," I asked her, "would you have believed me?"
She laughed. "Probably not."
"So," I said, exhaling loudly, "what should we do about Mom?"
"She'll come around," said Rachel. "Just give her time."
The three of us watched TV in the living room for a while...well, we half watched, half waited for Mom to re-appear. When the light to her bedroom went out, it became apparent that she would not be coming back out that night. That's when it really hit me that she was REALLY upset. Mom was never the type to go to bed angry. If there was something on her mind, she would always want to get it resolved, or else she wouldn't be able to sleep.
The fact that she wasn't willing to talk to Clay and I tonight meant that this issue was bigger than big. Just thinking about that made me extremely upset. Sensing this, Clay came over and put his arm around me.
"It will be OK, Randy," he told me. "Just give her some more time."
"She's NEVER done this before," I said, my voice wavering. "I don't get it. It's not like she didn't know I'm gay..."
"I wish I knew what to tell you," he said. To tell the truth, I don't know what I expected him to say. But I felt comforted just having him there with his arm around me, and my head on his shoulder.
"I think I just need sleep," I said suddenly, standing up. My sister, who had been sitting quietly in the corner, letting Clay and I have our moment, got up to give me a hug.
"I love you," she whispered. "Just remember that, OK?"
"Thanks," I said.
"Want some company?" asked Clay.
"More than you know," I said sadly. "But considering the situation, it's probably best if I sleep alone tonight." I kissed him gently on the lips and he wrapped his arms around me in the most comforting hug he'd ever given me. As I made my way to my room, I could hear my sister and Clay talking softly. Well, I thought, at least they're getting along. That thought alone will help me sleep. As I walked past Mom's room, though, I heard the unmistakable sounds of sobbing, and I knew that sleep would be difficult to come by tonight.
The next morning, I got up fairly early. I knew that Rachel and Clay were probably still sleeping, but I also knew that Mom was an early riser, and I wanted to talk to her, one-on-one. With extreme trepidation, I made my way to the kitchen, where Mom was sitting, reading the paper.
"Morning," I said gently. She looked up at me, and without a word returned to her newspaper. I sighed loudly. "So this is how it's going to be? We need to talk, Mom."
"So talk," she said, slamming her newspaper down on the table in much the same way she had slammed her glass the previous night.
"I don't think I'm the one who needs to talk," I said, perhaps a bit too harshly. "I thought you would be happy when I said Clay and I are together."
"Happy? HAPPY?!" Mom said loudly. "Why would I be happy when my son tells me he's a queer?"
"First of all," I said, starting to get my defenses up, "you knew that I am gay, so I don't see what the big deal is there. Second of all, I have finally found someone who makes me happy. I'm in love, Mom, and I thought you'd be happy for me."
"Yes I know you said you were gay before," Mom said, sounding somewhat defeated. "But you never brought home a boyfriend. I just always thought you were confused."
"Mom, I'm more sure of this than anything," I said gently. "I am homosexual, and I am in love with Clay Aiken."
Mom got up from the table, walked to the window, and stared out of it. It was a while before she spoke. When she finally did, it was barely audible, but I heard the message loud and clear.
"I don't think I can accept it."
I absorbed my mother's words for a few seconds before I spoke. "We'll be gone by noon." I got up from the kitchen table and went back to my room. I packed up my things, and then laid on the bed and began to cry. Hard. I must have cried myself to sleep, because the next thing I knew, there was a hand gently rubbing my back.
"Randy?" It was Clay. "What's wrong? What happened?"
I rolled over to see not only Clay, but also my sister standing in my room. Through my tears, I told them what had happened between Mom and I earlier that morning. Sadly, they both agreed that it was probably best for Clay and I to leave. Clay went back downstairs to get his suitcase.
"Rachel?"
"Yes?"
"Please tell the rest of the family we're sorry we couldn't make it." I started to cry yet again. I really was looking forward to seeing my relatives again. "Tell them something came up."
"Don't worry," Rachel said with a mixture of sadness and anger. "I will tell them." She gave me a big hug goodbye, saying, "I'll call you later."
We walked back out to the living room, where Clay was waiting for us. My mother was nowhere in sight.
"Mom?" I called out. No answer. "We're leaving," I yelled a little louder.
"Bye," came the muffled reply from her bedroom.
Rachel simply shrugged, and turned to Clay. "You," she said to him, "take care of my little bro, you got that?"
"I will," said Clay. "It was nice meeting you, Rachel."
"You, too," she told him. "Take care, and keep in touch!"
"Will do," he said, smiling.
With that, Clay and I left my mother's house. It tore me up to have to do that, but something told me that it wasn't going to be a permanent rift between Mom and I. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. I hoped all she needed was time -- a little more time than usual. Nothing was certain, however, and that was what was killing me.
Clay and I spent most of the drive back in silence. He drove, I mostly just stared out the window, thinking about what had happened. When we got back, Clay said that he had some stuff to take care of at his house, so he would call me later. He gave me a rather stiff hug goodbye, and drove off quickly. That's odd, I thought. No kiss. Besides, I could have used the company tonight.
Sighing, I walked inside and turned on the lights.
"Shit! You're home early!" Lee and Ryan jumped up from the couch, each of them half-dressed.
"Uh, hi guys..." I said, half pissed and half amused.
"We were just...uh..." stammered Lee.
"...house-sitting?" I asked with a smirk. "Maybe I should start charging for use of this place while I'm gone!"
"We're really sorry," said Ryan.
"Do you guys do this every time I'm gone?" I wondered.
"This was the first time, really!" said Ryan.
"And most likely the last," Lee said, chuckling.
I laughed in spite of myself. "Damn right!"
"So how come you're back early?" Ryan asked, and my mood instantly deflated.
I told them about the aborted weekend plans, and they were very sympathetic.
"Wow," said Lee, "I never thought your mom would be that harsh!"
"Well, if it helps," Ryan offered, "I know a thing or two about unaccepting mothers."
"Unfortunately, this is true," I said. "Thanks, Ryan."
The three of us managed to have a fun evening, despite my gray mood. We took advantage of the beautiful weather and played mini golf (Ryan beat the crap out of Lee and I) and bought snow cones. Ryan filled me in on the auditions for American Idol 3, which were apparently going pretty well. Lee told me that some of his poetry had been bought by a local magazine, and it was going to be published in an upcoming issue featuring local writers. All in all, the night turned out pretty well.
Except one thing.
Clay never called.
I waited and waited for the phone to ring, but it never did. I finally went to sleep around two in the morning. I spent all of Sunday lounging around the apartment, taking care of little things here and there. I watched some television and listened to some music. It was such a lazy day that I didn't even bother changing out of my pajamas. Again, it was a pretty good day.
Except, again, there was no phone call from Clay.
Labor Day weekend was supposed to be relaxing, and as of Monday morning, it had been anything but that. When I got out of bed that morning, I decided to see what was going on. I was genuinely worried about Clay. It wasn't like him to just not call two nights in a row. After showering and dressing, I drove over to his house.
"Hey," he said when he opened the door. I let myself in.
"Clay, is there something wrong?" I asked.
"I don't know," he said. "Is there?"
That response threw me off a bit. "What do you mean?"
He sighed. "Randy, do you want to break up with me?"
Whoa.
"Whoa!" I said. "What on earth gave you that idea?"
"I don't know. I've just been thinking. Maybe it would be easier..."
"On whom?" I asked, getting frantic. "On my mother? Sure. On you? On me?
Not so much!"
"But..."
"Clay, listen to me," I told him. I sat him down on the couch next to me and grabbed his hands. "I love you, and I want to be with you. Yes, it upsets me that my mother is having such a hard time with all of this. But I am NOT going to break up with you because of that. You have become too important to me to just give you up. You have my heart, completely and totally, one hundred percent."
Clay smiled. "And you have mine."
I smiled back at him. "And I'm not giving it back any time soon. I'm selfish like that."
We spent the remainder of the day just talking. Well, not just talking, but you know what I mean. We actually did do a lot of talking, and got a lot figured out. We decided, for example, that it would just be best to let my mother work this thing out on her own. She could call when she felt like talking once more. We also reaffirmed to each other, many times over, that neither of us was going anywhere. We ate a nice, quiet dinner, and for the first time over Labor Day weekend, I was able to relax.
I am SOOOO sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out! I've been busier than expected since I moved. But I'm now all settled in, and will (hopefully) be updating more often. I hope there are still people interested in this story! As always, I look forward to hearing your comments. Send them to musicteacher2002@hotmail.com
Thanks, as usual, to Lee for editing my story. You're awesome!
Well, I think that's about it for this installment. Stay tuned for the next one (which should be out much sooner, I promise!) --Randy