Warning: This story doesn't contain any sex. It's the story of gay teens. None of the characters are based on real people nor are they meant to resemble any living or dead people.
Let me know what you think of the story by emailing me at Hnstskr4@aol.com
I want to thank everyone who has emailed. I also want to thank those who have read the story. It means a lot hearing from you. Please continue reading! There is a lot more to come. I own all rights to this story. Chuck B.
I've got such a great response to the story and would love to hear from everyone who reads it.
I'm using a different technique for writing this story, so if you don't like it, let me know, or if you really like it let me know that, too.
Copyright 2010
Characters In The Story:
Seth - Seth is the main character. He is 17 at the start of this story. Dad AKA Charles Thompson Mom AKA Dawn Thompson (Walker) Paige = Paige Taylor 17 Scottie Westbrook age 18 Uncle Tim Walker Brother Barnes -- Priest Quorum leader Uncle Mike -- Uncle Tim's life partner Miss. Dixon -- English composition /Literature teacher
February 3, 2009
Dear Journal,
I couldn't make myself go to the GSA meeting. Maybe I should have gone. At least then I would be around others who would understand what I am going through. Not going to be a long entry today, just kind of feeling down for not going to the meeting.
February 4, 2009
I've been thinking about Scottie a lot today. I want so bad to tell him that I'm gay, as you already know, but my wanting to tell him has become very intense today. Why do I feel such a need to tell him? I mean, I don't feel a need to tell anyone else. Is it because I feel this attraction to him? Wish I knew.
Oh... there was another note left in my locker. It seems that I was missed at the meeting. Wish, I knew who left it. Guess, I'll never know for sure.
February 6th 2009,
My English Comp. teacher announced a national poetry contest today. It, the poem, can be done in any form we want. It just needs to come from our heart and be something that will reach out to people. The winner will be published in a book, and the top winner will receive $1,000 dollars in the form of a savings bond. I am all up for that. What do I submit? Hmm... do I submit something that I've already written or come up with something new? I have to submit my material no later than February 20, 2009.
February 8th, 2009
It's weird how sometimes in church my mind can stay focused on the lessons and other times all I can think about is me and my problems. I don't know if that is guilt telling me to speak with my Bishop or if I am just a normal teen. My mind keeps thinking about Scottie. I try to block it out, but he jumps on the stage when I'm idle. Guess that is why the church doesn't want us to sit on our butts all day.
February 9, 2009
I heard Scottie talking about another kid at school today. This kid is gay and everyone knows it, because the kid is out and seems to like it. Scottie didn't have anything good to say about him, but he also didn't use any foul language to describe him. Hearing him talk like that made me a bit uncomfortable. He even tried to pull me into the conversation, but I excused myself and headed home. Honestly, it's the first time, that I've heard him talk bad about anyone. What's really weird is that just last week, I saw him stand up for this kid because some other kid was threatening to beat him up just for being gay. I'm really confused over his actions.
By the way, I got another A in my English Comp class. Our assignment was to rewrite a fairy tale and set it in the modern day. I just happened to pick Cinderella. I am extremely pleased with myself.
February 10, 2009
Scottie came over today to play some video games. It would have been the perfect time to talk to him since no one else was home. I just couldn't do it especially after yesterday. Had a blast though, we played the same game for hours.
February 14, 2009
Nothing exciting happened today. We went to the chapel and cleaned. Every weekend a group of families are assigned to clean the church. We do just about everything except for the restrooms.
February 15, 2009
Church isn't the right place to tell Scottie, and yet this is where I feel the need to come to him the strongest. My mind races a million miles a minute whenever he is around, which is why I don't write poetry with him around.
We talked about reactivation of members today. We have a quorum of 12 guys, but only 5 of us are active. Our leader, Brother Barnes, suggested we take three names as a quorum and focus on them for the next 4 weeks. I don't know how successful we will be, but it will be nice to have some new faces around here.
I've been working on my poem for the past two weeks. I finally feel like I am getting somewhere with it, though I'm a little nervous about posting it. The poem is called Face The Unchanging, and it deals with me still being me regardless of being gay. It also lets the reader know that I am not going to change. Now all I need is someone to hear the poem and tell me what they think. Only one choice for that and that person is my Uncle Tim. I wonder if he is sorry that I contacted him.
February 16, 2009
I grabbed my phone and quickly called my Uncle Tim's house. It rang a couple times and then someone picked it up.
"Hello Walker residence!"
"Is my Uncle Tim home?"
"No, Tim isn't home. Can I take a message?"
"Just let him know that his nephew, Seth, called for him."
There was a slight pause on the phone before this other person spoke again.
"Sorry Seth, I didn't put two and two together. I'm Mike, your uncle's partner. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I am entering a poetry contest through school and wanted to read it to Uncle Tim, but would you mind listening to it?"
"I would love to hear it."
"Cool, just give me a second to open my notebook to the right page..."
I can't believe this; someone actually wants to hear it. I don't even know what to think. Hope Uncle Mike likes it!
"Face the Unchanging"
"Look at me, face me, see me as I am. Don't you dare turn away from me because of your own silly fear. I will not change, I cannot change, I am who I am. Why should I hide, why be ashamed of me, your son and your friend? I've seen your eyes decide to turn the other way when someone more open than me crosses your path. My ears have heard the comments that spring from your lips in front of our peers, but at least you're not the vulgar type. I want you to see me, to know that I'm still me inside and out. I just happen to be me, little unchanging me."
"Wow... Seth, that is really good! So question for you, umm... are you out?"
"No, I want to be out, but I am bit fearful."
"I think this poem is a good way to start the process. I really think this is the poem that you should enter. Your uncle would love it. I want a copy, but I need to get out and do some shopping so I'll give you the address as soon as I talk to your uncle"
"Thanks Uncle Mike!"
"You're very welcome."
Wow... now I wonder about the rest of my stuff. Is it good enough to be published somewhere? I really want the reader to feel my sincerity. This contest has awakened in me a need to really write.
February 17, 2009
I turned in my poem to Miss. Dixon today. She told me there may be a month or two before I'll hear anything back on the contest. You know, she really encouraged me to start writing back in 10th grade. She is an awesome teacher. She is a published author and a published poet. She is awesome.
February 18, 2009
Today before scouts, I went out to the lake by the house and sat near the shore just to relax. I think that this will be my new place to write. It's quiet and it's usually not to crowded, except for the occasional person who's fishing. Mom was worried about me being out late tonight. She wanted me to stay home so that I would be home for dinner. I promised her that I'd be home on time.
February 19, 2009
I want to share a poem with my mom but I'm not sure which one. Face the Unchanging would be the perfect one to share. I'll have to come up with something. I always share my writing assignments with her. She always tells me that she loves my writing. Just recently, Mom told me that she thinks my writing has taken off from what it used to be. You know, I have to agree with her.
February 20, 2009
Right now, I am really feeling down. I don't have anyone to depend on for strength. Mom and Dad would tell me that I have to have faith and believe in myself. No one in my immediate family really understands. It hurts! Anyway, I need to run.