Y'all better go out and see On The Line. My man, Lance has worked hard at it, and it's sure to be worth your time and money, and if not, just go cause I asked ya to. Please? If y'all haven't yet, buy Celebrity, Irresistible, and Revelation. Oh, and while you're at it, get the soundtrack for OTL.
I finally bought Meredith Edwards CD Reach. She's an amazing artist, and y'all should give her a peep if y'all like country. DON'T LAUGH AT ME! And even if y'all don't buy her CD, she's on the On The Line Soundtrack too, so you best get that for sure.
I gotta say THANK YOU to MH, cause if it weren't for him, you wouldn't be reading this story in a legible format. I owe him a lot, and I can never express all my gratitude towards him. You're the bestest! (And you know I mean it!)
I just wanna say thank you to some special women in my life: Jordan, Marie, and Karen. Y'all are the bestest women I know and am blessed to have in my life. Love ya, sis!
Just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to two of my best friends in the world. Yeah, the sickeningly sweet and incredibly amazing couple: DLS and Matt. You're both old biddies, but I wouldn't wanna have it any other way. I love y'all, and I'm missin' ya with each day we don't speak to each other.
I gotta give mention to a story, Kevin & Justin, written by Pete. I fell upon it by having the same editor (go figure), and can't get enough of it. C'mon Boo, it's been FOREVER, when's the next chapter coming out? You still alive or what?
Another story I gotta give mention to is My Everything. Y'all should know ANY story that has to do with 98 Degrees, usually gets seen by my eyes. Slpwriter deserves props for all his hard work, and y'all should check it out.
So this is fake, I don't know the guys or their sexual preferences. Any similarities are purely coincidental, and I'd love to hear about them.
Enjoy and write me: bigdaddycool_0813@hotmail.com
Much love y'all, Drew
THIS GIFT -- Last Time
Back in LA, I have to say that that flight was the worst I've ever been on. The turbulence was nauseating and I just didn't like the way we were treated. Basically neglected. Had I paid full price for my ticket, I would've complained.
Finally back at the dream house, I walked in, kicked off my shoes and made my way to the bathroom. I had to piss something fierce. I did my business, washed up, and walked out. Walking down the hall, I passed Drew's room. The door was slightly ajar, so I peered in to see that it was empty. Gathering courage, I opened the door, and quietly slid onto his bed, grabbing up a pillow and smelling the faint odour that was Drew. I missed that smell.
I zoned myself out, just smelling Drew and thinking back on old times when, "What the fuck are you doing?" Uh-oh... busted.
THIS GIFT -- Chapter 13
I don't know how I always seem to get caught in stupid situations, but here I was in yet another one. I was in the passenger side of Drew's Explorer as we both rode down this secluded highway in silence. You see, a month ago, after Drew had caught me sniffing his pillow - like it was some kind of drug -- he stopped talking to me, and we hadn't talked since, avoiding each other as much as possible.
Nick decided that he had a killer plan. He'd stick both Drew and I in Drew's car and have us ride together to Jeff's grandmother's house. That would've been fine with me, except that Jeff's grandmother seemed to live in the sticks. I mean like DAYUM, we'd been driving down this isolated road for over two hours, alone! Not one car had passed by us, in either direction, and it was becoming dark outside. Nick, Jeff, and Justin had left before us so that I had no other way to get there, except with Drew.
The silence was starting to bother me, so without warning, I leaned forward and blasted the music. Unfortunately for me, the only radio stations the antenna could pick up were hick stations and the sounds of Garth Brooks echoed through the tension-filled air. Lance had me listen to Garth a couple of times, so it wasn't like I didn't know the song or anything... I knew the words, there was just no way in hell I would sing along with that kind of music.
Drew scoffed at the radio, turning it off without even glancing down. I just glared at him, daring him to give me an explanation. None came. So there we sat in silence for the next twenty minutes until the car sputtered, and the temperature and oil lights came on. The car stalled in the middle of the highway.
Finally, Drew tore his eyes away from the road in front of him to glance down at the dashboard. My guess was he was checking to see if we were out of gas or something, but that, unfortunately, wasn't the case. The silence was finally broken, "What the fuck?" Drew tried to start the SUV again, only to hear some more sputters, and the engine conk dead. We were stuck, alone, together.
I immediately grabbed for my cell phone at the same time Drew grabbed his, as we dialled numbers. I called Nick, while Drew apparently dialled Jeff. I begged Nick for help... I begged him to come pick me up, but without even knowing where we were, there was no way Nick would even know where to get me.
So I talked with Nick as Drew talked with Jeff, both of whom assured us they'd get us out of our situation as soon as possible. It couldn't be soon enough. Eventually, my battery died, the slight beep echoing through the car as my connection with the world was lost. Drew laughed under his breath, until his phone had done the same thing.
Now we both really were trapped. It was dark outside, we were surrounded by the unknown, only able to see what was in the few feet the headlights shone. Eventually Drew decided to turn them off to conserve the battery, only to turn on the interior light. Not one word was said. He didn't want to talk to me, and I never dared to open my mouth.
Drew finally caved into the silence, turning the radio on at a low volume. Again, the radio played out unheard of music -- at least to my ears -- until Shania came on and Drew began to sign along softly with her. He always did have such an angelic voice, and I couldn't help but be mesmerized by the soft lullaby. I waited until both Drew and Shania had finished with 'From This Moment' before I dared interrupt whatever thoughts he was having.
"You know, you always could soothe me by singing." It was a bridge to peaceful communication and I was hoping that he'd keep it that way.
"Yeah. Whatever. Help me move this shit to the shoulder." Drew unbuckled his seat belt and stepped out of the jeep.
"What do you want me to do?" I asked as I unbuckled my seatbelt. I was sure there was no way I could move the jeep.
Drew sighed with exasperation, "Just throw it into neutral and steer. God! Are you good for anything?"
"Yeah, not that you'd know or anything." I mumbled as I slid into the drivers seat. "Ok, go."
The jeep began to edge over onto the shoulder and eventually came to a stop as Drew stopped pushing. I switched the gear to park and slid back over to my seat as he opened the door and slipped in. "We make a good team, don't you think?" I tried again to open the lines of communication.
"Whatever."
Great. This was impossible. I was sure to kill Nick the next time I saw him, who's idea was this again? I let out a frustrated sigh. If he wasn't going to try, why should I? I pulled the lever on the side of the seat, reclining my chair so that I could try to get some sleep.
Closing my eyes, I focused on the soft sweet sounds of the radio and the thoughts floating through my mind. The last thing I could remember before falling asleep was asking myself 'How the fuck did you get here?' Not being able to answer, I gave in to my tiredness.
I awoke to Drew running his hands through my hair, singing softly and staring at my face. Confused, I furrowed my brow and was about to ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing when he placed a finger to my lips. "Shhh. Don't ruin a good thing."
Alright, if I was confused when I had opened my eyes, I was just completely thrown for a loop now. Strange enough, I listened to him, never bothering to say a word as he continued to run his fingers through my hair singing his songs. I closed my eyes once again listening to Drew's voice, and concentrating on the feeling his fingers were giving my scalp.
I had had my eyes closed for sometime, my breathing had slowed, when I felt Drew kiss my forehead and whisper "I love you." My heart was doing flips. A month and something after we had that fight, Drew was still here telling me he loved me. Funny how he couldn't say it while I was conscious... well I was conscious, he was just pretending I wasn't. Even though, without a doubt, my feelings were still mutual, there was no way I was going to tell him. He had broke my heart... and there was no way I was going to go back to that without some sort of reassurance.
Eventually Drew passed out with his hand still in my hair, while I lay awake staring through the windshield at the stars. I almost burst out laughing as I realised that I had begun to speak to myself again, talking to the stars as if they could offer me advice about my life. Naturally, the stars didn't say shit, and I was still left wondering what the fuck I should be doing.
Realising that it was a lost cause - speaking to the stars that is -- I turned to face Drew, pulling off his baseball cap to look at his hair. Noticing that it wasn't gelled and going in every which direction, I couldn't help but smile. Drew was cute in every sense of the word... tears came to my eyes.
"You really have no idea how much I've missed you." I whispered as I ran my hand through his hair and down the side of his cheek. Naturally, he turned into the warmth of my hand as it swept over his face with a slight smile gracing his lips.
My eyes were getting heavy yet again, so I leaned over, turned off the interior light and flicked on the hazard lights. No need to get hit by any cars while we slept... not like they would be any passers by, I mean we've been secluded for hours.
When I awoke, the sun was shining and we were still alone on the deserted road. 'Where the fuck are we? There's gotta be a sign somewhere.' I quietly stepped out of the Explorer - Drew was still sleeping - to stretch my legs and scope out the area.
'Damn but it's fuckin' hot here.' I walked a bit down the road - not even two minutes - before I finally gave up. As far as I could see, there was no sign in sight. With a frustrated groan, I turned on my heels, heading back towards the SUV.
With the sun shining, I couldn't think of any better time to soak up some rays and get myself a tan for once. Taking off my shirt, I laid it down on the hood of Drew's jeep jumping up with the aid of the bumper. Laying stretched on the hood, my mind began to wander to Drew again. Since the beginning of this trip, he had consumed my mind completely.
For a strange reason, all I could remember was the time Drew and I were in the shower together that morning that Drew got lucky. Never in my life had I had a moment of such intimacy with a guy. Drew was my first, and I swore to myself then that he'd also be the only one I'd ever share such closeness with.
Speaking of closeness... it had just occurred to me that Drew was sitting asleep in the jeep right behind me. When we slept last night, I had a sense of security, a sense of belonging - I was home.
Suddenly an idea popped in my head. It might not have been the most logical idea, the most appropriate or anything of the like, but I missed Drew in everyway possible... it was morning, it was possible that I'd be able to feel close to Drew once again... it was possible he was hard.
Sliding off the hood, I made my way back to my side of the jeep, sneaking in. Glancing over, it was extremely apparent that Drew was indeed awake in certain places. Leaning over, I slowly pulled the zipper down and slid his manhood out.
His penis was just as I had remembered it: perfect. Maybe not for anyone else, but it was perfect for me. I leaned down and took him into my mouth, caressing Drew Jr. with pent up love and desire. I wanted Drew, right there, right then and I was going to have him.
Drew moaned momentarily, rousing somewhat from his sleep. Rubbing the slumber from his eyes, and with a slight yawn, Drew asked in his just-got-up voice, "What are you doing?" which was followed by a throaty groan.
Pausing momentarily, I licked up the shaft of his dick - trailing my tongue ring over the veins - before answering simply, "What does it look like I'm doing?" Another lick, "I'm making love to your penis."
Satisfied enough with the answer, I continued loving Drew in a way he hadn't experienced. Not only had he not had his dick sucked in a couple of months, but he hadn't had it done with someone who had a tongue ring. It was a kind of love he truly missed.
I continued to bob up and down on his cock, rolling my tongue around the head while applying varying degrees of suction. Drew, loving the new sensations, was writhing around in his seat, moaning openly. I began to slide my hands up his shirt, reaching for his nipples. Finding what I was looking for, I grabbed one of the nubs and rolled it in between my fingers while Drew began to buck his hips upward, biting his lower lip to keep from screaming.
It may have been a while since I had done this, and even though Drew was being more vocal in appreciation this time around, I could still tell when his orgasm was approaching by the slight gasp-moan that escaped his swollen lips.
With only seconds before Drew would climax, a horn sounded making me jump up and out of the car, much to the disappointment of Drew. Nick and Jeff had finally arrived. Drew just groaned with disappointment.
"So you guys are still alive." Jeff joked as he got out of his vehicle, making his way towards me.
"Yeah," I sighed, "We survived."
"It could've been worse." Drew supplied, emerging from the vehicle, obviously adjusting the painful erection encased by his jeans.
"You seem like you're in a good mood today. Sleep well?" Nick asked.
"It's been one of the best nights of my life." Drew stated simply.
That statement grabbed my attention. I turned and looked Drew in the eyes, zoning into him completely. "Yeah... mine too."
"Hello, earth to freaks." I hadn't realised that we had both zoned into each other as though we were the only ones who existed. It was as if Nick and Jeff weren't there and I really didn't want them to be.
Shaking free from my trance, I looked away from Drew to see Nick with a slight frown on his face. Fuck, but I was in a difficult situation. Either way someone would get hurt, and I really wasn't up for causing that pain.
"So, what's the problem?" Jeff asked as he made his way over to the Explorer.
"If I knew, you think we'd still be here?" I replied sarcastically.
"Oooh, do I sense a bitch?" Jeff laughed.
"That's Mr. Bitch to you."
Jeff just continued to laugh as he popped the hood to the SUV to find the source of the problem. Curious, I made my way over to peek inside as Nick came behind me placing his hands around my waist to take me into a hug pressing his excitement into me. "I've missed you, baby."
"That's why you leave me out here to die with the prima donna, eh?" I replied turning my head so I could look at him over my shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I was just trying to help." Oh, there's the pout. It's enough he has cocksuckers lips, but when that pout comes... he's just so adorable, irresistible and I caved.
"I forgive you." I gave him a quick peck on the lips, feeling odd about doing it infront of Drew... especially after my lips had just been on his dick.
"That's it?" He dived in for another kiss, this time more passionate as his tongue slid into my mouth with ease. Our tongues wrestled around, while his left hand crawled up my back to cradle my head. His tongue became more demanding, and he became more insistent with his kisses, no doubt able to taste the sex.
Drew and Jeff continued to search for the problem while Nick practically took my virginity there on the spot. Admittedly, I was beginning to feel uncomfortable and tried to gently push Nick off. It just wasn't right to be getting it on in front of Drew, no matter how things have changed. Even though I was making it clear I didn't want this to continue, Nick made no move to stop.
"Nick, what's wrong?" I asked, still trying to push him off.
"I want to show you how much I want you. How much I need you." His lips seeking mine once more.
"What?" I didn't quite catch that.
"Don't leave me... I need you." He repeated. It suddenly clicked. He was aware that something happened between Drew and I. No doubt he could taste it on my lips when he kissed me. He was just trying to prove he had something I could want.
"Nick... what are you talkin' about? Who said I was leaving you?" I was confused - even though things with Drew were complicated and my feelings were still somewhat there, I never once said that I was going to leave Nick.
"I know, D... I know." With that he gave me another quick squeeze before he joined Jeff in being a man and trying to fix the jeep, leaving me to myself to think.
Fuck, but it was hot and the guys still hadn't figured out what was wrong with the jeep and they seemed hell bent on figuring it out themselves instead of calling for some help.
I pretty much stayed out of it, off to the side, sitting in the sand thinking over my problems. How is it that I always seemed to get myself into these situations? Two brothers... what have I done? I sighed as Jeff plopped his ass down beside me with a bottle of water. "What's wrong, D?"
I shrugged my shoulders taking a sip of water from the bottle he offered. "It's complicated. You wouldn't understand."
"Try me. You'd be surprised."
I have to admit that his determination impressed me, so I figured there would be no harm in trying to get some of the load off my shoulders. "Jeff... I was with Drew for how long... I was in... I am in love with him. He goes off and marries some girl but expects me to be fine with it. I have to say I think I was pretty understanding about the whole thing, don't you?" I paused thinking of where to go next.
"And then I kissed Nick, and that changed everything. I don't think I even care for Nick... I don't know why I did it... I just kinda... did. And then Drew won't talk to me cause he can't put that behind him, and then I kinda gave Drew head today... and he was all lovey last night... and I kinda liked it, and I want to go back to him but I love Nick too, and..." I sighed. "I just don't know what to do."
Jeff sat and silently absorbed my tirade. "Well... you ever stop to think that a kiss is never more than just a kiss? I mean, I know what you and Drew have is beyond that. With one kiss you can tell each other things words can never do justice... but for some people, a kiss is nothing more than just that.
"I think this thing with Nick is just out of guilt. I mean, you did something wrong, and the only way to justify it is to make it seem right. So you both kissed... many times now... but can't you just leave it at that? It's obvious you want to be with Drew... hell he was hard when we got here, y'all were doing some thing."
I smiled, he was more observant than I thought.
"Don't do something because you think you owe it to them, do what feels right for you." Jeff stood, heading back to the guys, and leaving me to ponder over his wisdom. Jeff was right. Jeff's always right.
Standing, I rubbed the dirt off my ass while I walked back to the jeep. Nick was on the phone to someone, a relative probably by the smile on his face. He only ever smiled like that when he was talking to family or... to Jessica. My heart kind of hurt at the thought, but part of me was happy for him. I knew how much he cared for her.
Peering into the engine, I couldn't help but ask, "So, what's the problem boys?"
Drew emerged from under the hood with dirty hands, arms, and some oil smudges on his cheeks making him look oh-so-sexy. "Don't know, Ranger Joe."
"Cute... really cute." I half-joked. "Seriously, do you even know what you're doing?"
"Well, it is my car?" And yeah, he sounded so convincing, too.
"And that means?"
"That he knows what he's doing." Jeff answered for him with a smug smile on his face.
"So what's the problem then, chief?" I couldn't help but drag this charade on. I needed some entertainment.
Drew sighed with frustration. "I said I don't know!"
"Alright then... maybe it's the thermostat... ever think of that?" I grabbed a wrench from the toolbox and began to loosen a couple of bolts so that I could take a look at the thermostat.
"Don't do that!" Drew exclaimed, trying to stop me. "You don't know what you're doing!"
"Oh God, relax. Take a breather. I've done this many times." So I didn't sound convincing, at least I was telling the truth. I continued to loosen the bolts, Drew and Jeff looking on at me with worry.
After removing the bolts and pulling up on the hose, the thermostat became visible. Taking it out, I examined it and noticed that it stuck. There was no coolant left in the vehicle, which isn't exactly a good thing. "See here's the problem, there's no coolant. The thermostat seems to be sticking so there wasn't any coolant going through to the block."
"How do you know this?" Drew looked sceptical.
"Cause I'm good at what I do." I smiled. "That, and it's happened to me before."
"You knew what was wrong the whole time?" Drew asked annoyed.
"It's not like I was going to get out in the middle of the pitch-black night and start fucking around with the engine. Are you mad? I have no idea where we are!"
"But you just sat there and let me... you knew what was wrong?!" Drew just couldn't drop it.
"No, I didn't know, it was a guess... which proved to be right." I sighed with frustration.
"I'll just be... over... there." Jeff said, hesitantly pointing off to the side. "I'll let y'all deal with... yeah."
I sighed once again, my face pressed up against the window as I watched the scenery pass by outside. There was coolant in Drew's SUV, the thermostat was replaced and we were on our way once again to Jeff's grandmother's. Not wanting to continue my argument with Drew - which hadn't ended, just been paused - I had grabbed a seat in Jeff's jeep, only to have Nick pull me out of Jeff's jeep, explaining he was going to ride in Drew's in case something happened again and he'd like it if I kept him company. Drew was going to ride with Jeff, so my decision was basically made for me.
We drove in silence for the first ten minutes until Nick cut through "Um, D, I think there's something I should tell you..."
"What'd you do now?" I asked with a smile on my lips thinking he had done something stupid like washed my favourite white shirt with the reds again.
"I don't know how to say this... um..." Nick trailed off.
"C'mon Nick, just spit it out. I've never known you to be tongue-tied."
Nick exhaled a breath I hadn't known he was holding. "D, I'm seeing Jessica again." My head spun to the left to look at him hoping to God that he was joking, knowing he wasn't. "Don't get me wrong D, I love you... with all my heart I do. It's just... well, Jessica and I have history..."
"And just because we don't, fuck!?" I cut him off.
"D, I'm not saying that..."
"That's exactly what you're saying." I leaned forward, turning on the radio again, ending the conversation right there, and then moved my head to the window and started staring outside.
The ride seemed to drag on and on with no end, until finally Nick pulled into a dirt driveway, coming to a stop and throwing the jeep in park. "We're here." he mumbled.
"Finally." I mumbled, stepping out to stretch out the kinks in my back. "Any longer and my ass would've been part of the seat."
The door to the house opened, and Justin came out followed by a little, old fragile-looking lady wearing a blue summer dress and a white apron. "Jeffy? What took so long?" I had to laugh at Jeff's grandmother's pet name for him.
"We couldn't find them at first, Nana. We thought they took County Road 4, when they were actually on the 3." he explained.
"Silly city boys. Didn't you tell them there's more civilization on the 4?" She pinched Drew's cheeks playfully making him blush a cute crimson.
"So, Nana, you know who Drew is, this is... well Drew, too. We just call him D though, so there's no confusion."
She stepped forward to me, extending her hand. I grasped it gently shaking her hand as to not hurt her. Surprisingly she pulled me into a forceful embrace as she whispered in my ear, "I've heard so much about you."
'Great!' my mind supplied while saying "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, ma'am."
"Ma'am? Ma'am is for old ladies. Do you see an old lady anywhere nearby?" she queried.
I had to laugh at that, she was quite frisky for being aged. She ushered us all into the house, prompting us to grab some seats in the family room while she whipped up some iced tea, and grabbed some of her freshly baked cookies.
Feeling somewhat uncomfortable with the situation between Drew and Nick, I chose to sit in between Jeff and Justin on the couch - something of which Justin quickly noted. "What's wrong?" he whispered in my ear, not drawing attention from the others.
"Nothing," I lied.
"Yeah, and I'm the hottest guy in the band," replied Justin sarcastically.
I just shrugged, "You are what you believe you are." It was an easy cop- out, and Justin knew not to argue with that so he left it alone. just giving me a 'we'll catch up later' look. I sighed. All I wanted right now was to go and lie down, gather my thoughts and whatnot.
Just as Jeff's Nana came back in from the kitchen with our drinks and cookies, Nick's cell started to ring causing everyone to glance in his direction. Pulling it out of his pocket, he glanced at the screen while a huge grin fell across his face. "Hey!"
With his grin came my frown, causing me to excuse myself from the room temporarily. Not knowing where the bathroom was, Nana decided to give me the tour of the house, as the others already knew their way around. "It's really great to finally meet you. I wasn't kidding when I said that I've heard a lot about you."
"All good, I hope." I replied dryly.
"Well, some good, some bad... normal shit, you know?" She laughed drawing a smile from me. "Well, here's Jeff's room, has been ever since he was five. Doesn't change much. Right across from it is where Justin sleeps... we like to keep the J's close and the Lachey's closer." She explained as she showed me Nick and Drew's room, which seemed to be connected to each other by a common door. "Seeing as how this is Drew's room, this is where you'll be staying..." she trailed off. It became clear to me she didn't know anything about me and Nick... not that I was going to go into details with her right now or anything.
"It's alright, I'll just take the couch?" I offered.
"The couch? Why would you want to do that?"
How was I to explain things without going into too much detail. I mean, I trusted this woman because she obviously meant the world to Jeff, but I think she could do without my love-life issues.
"Yeah, things are a little rocky right now, if you get what I mean..."
"Oh, well then you definitely have to sleep with him," she said with all seriousness.
"Excuse me?" I asked a little shocked.
"You have to sleep with him, it's that simple. When you sleep in the same bed, sleep on it, things'll be better in the morning."
Oh, so that's what she meant. So, now how do I explain that I'm having issues with Nick, too? I sighed.
"And here's your stop, the bathroom." She flicked on the light in the darkened room, casting a flood of light to emanate from the room. "Toilet, bath tub, toilet paper, hand towel, soap," she listed off, pointed at each item while she went along. "My home is your home, feel free to use what you would like."
"Thanks Ma'am..." I trailed off, wincing as I knew she would comment on that.
"Nana." She said simply. "It's Nana."
"Thanks, Nana." I reiterated. "Nana," I asked, just as she was beginning to walk away.
"Yes, son?"
"Is there some place I can go to just think?"
She looked at me for a while, gauging me. After a bit, she smiled tenderly. "Take the back stairs," she explained, pointing just down the corridor. "Then the door on the right. It leads to the backyard. There's lots of places to think out there."
"Thanks." What else was there to say?
"It's no problem, D. I was once your age too, remember. Things will get better, I assure you that much. Go, think things through... I'll explain to the boys that you're trying to get a hold of things."
I smiled, feeling a sense of warmth come over me. This is what it felt like to have a grandmother. I had one, just not a loving one, not one who radiated such love and understanding as Nana had.
I closed the bathroom door to do my business. I peed, washed my hands, dried them, and then headed down the stairs Nana had pointed to. I had a lot to file through and make sense of. I was looking forward to having some alone-time, knowing the guys were only a couple of minutes away should I need them.
The fresh air surrounding me was a welcome sensation. Being from the city there wasn't many times where you could take in a deep breath and actually feel the clean air. Nana's backyard was huge, it seemed to stretch on forever ahead of me... just the thing I needed. There was enough space for me to meander and sort through my thoughts without disturbing anyone.
As I walked the treeline, my thoughts centred around Nick and his recently found happiness. I didn't need to be told; I knew it was Jessica who kept phoning. He only ever had that smile with her, no one else could bring it out, not even me. So I had to face facts, my fling with Nick was coming to an end, whether I wanted it to or not.
A stray tear slid down my cheek at that thought. I loved Nick - in a different way from Drew. But I loved Nick, nonetheless and the thought of losing him hurt me more than I was willing to admit. Things would change... I wouldn't be able to kiss those lips, feel him in my arms at night, hear him whisper sweet nothings in my ear. All of those would be meant for Jessica now, not me.
That left me with Drew. Another couple of tears slid down my face. Just thinking of Drew usually made me cry. I missed him. I missed him more than I've missed anything in my life. There's a saying Mama always told me: 'You don't know what you have 'till it's gone.' Well, from experience, I can tell you she's right. I had no idea how much Drew was to me, until he wasn't mine anymore.
It's not that I resorted to Drew as a last desperate attempt to have someone. It's not that I needed to be with someone to feel complete. It's not anything. I just wanted Drew back. I've been without him for so long, it was about time that I got him back... but did he want me back? I sighed. Love life is way too complicated.
I grabbed a seat on a rock, tired of walking around aimlessly. Things always seemed to be against me, never for me. I hated life sometimes, but knew there had to be some reason why God put me here, so I wasn't about to question it, I wasn't about to end my life over stupidness.
Closing my eyes, I began to reflect on my options. There really weren't any open for me. The door with Nick was being gently closed, the locks changed, and he was giving the new key to Jessica. The door with Drew had been closed for some time. Whether or not the locks were changed I didn't know, but even if they weren't, I was sure I had lost the key.
My thoughts must have been very intriguing, because by the time I opened my eyes it was dark outside, and someone was wrapping a blanket around me and offering me a steaming cup of hot chocolate. I graciously accepted the mug, turning to look at my thoughtful companion: Drew
I sat there dumbfounded as Drew smiled his adorably sexy smile, taking my breath away. "Hey there, stranger. You've been out here a while now, you know?"
"Yeah, I know." I lied. "Just lots to think about." I still couldn't believe that he was the one who thought of me, the mini-argument we were having and all.
"I can probably relate." I noticed him shiver slightly, so I unwrapped the blanket from around me, and pulled him in as well. "Thanks."
"No, thank you." He was the one thinking of me after all, it was only fair that I share the warmth.
"So, I don't know if you know yet, but... um, Nick's getting back with Jessica." There was a hint of hesitation in his voice, like maybe he shouldn't be the one to tell me. "He just told us about an hour ago."
I sniffled as a tear tracked down my cheek. "I kinda figured..." I trailed off.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry." His voice was full of genuine sympathy. He wiped at my tear with the corner of the blanket.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, too." What was there to say?
We both sat there in silence for a couple of minutes as I thought about how it must've been hard for Drew to walk out here to talk to me after our argument. Not only that, but the information he was passing on was not exactly the easiest to say.
"Drew, I'm sorry." The words fell out of my mouth before I even knew they were coming, and the sobs that came afterwards were unexpected.
"It's ok. Shhh. It's ok." Drew rubbed a hand up and down my back as I leaned into him, crying on his shoulder. It had been so long, so, so long and it felt so good to be in his arms again. He began to rock me back and forth trying to soothe my pain; the best part was that it was working.
My sobs slowly tapered off, leaving me in Drew's arms, rocking back and forth while a hand played in my hair. He remembered. When anyone plays with my hair, I become vulnerable, loveable, and drowsy. It's like a drug for me, calms me completely. Anyone who does that could get anything they wanted from me, all they had to do was continue to rub my hair up and down the back of my head.
"D, let's go inside," he suggested. I wasn't about to argue. With a nod, we both stood - still wrapped in the blankets - and slowly made our way back to Nana's house. I knew where I was going to sleep tonight, Drew's arms, and I couldn't have been happier.
Climbing up the stairs, Drew grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I didn't understand why until we reached the top of the stairs and Nick was just coming out of the bathroom, towel around his waist, steam following him out the door. My walking faltered as our eyes locked, no words needed to be said - everything I needed to know was clearly expressed through his eyes: he didn't want me anymore.
Breaking eye contact, Drew gently pushed me into his room, which unfortunately was attached to Nick's. As I sat on the bed, the emotions swept over me like a tidal wave. I was upset, yeah, but I was tired - drained of all my energy - used, and even more than all that, I felt sorry. Sorry that I had done this to Drew; went to his brother for loving when Drew said he didn't love me anymore, even though I knew he was lying.
Drew walked over to the door joining our room with Nick's, closing and locking it before coming to sit beside me on the bed and clasping his hands together on his lap. "You alright?"
"Yeah. I guess," I sighed. "Drew, I'm so, so sorry."
"You know what, don't even worry about it. Not now anyhow. Not tonight. You have other things to deal with tonight." All I could do was nod. "C'mon, let's get under the covers and get some sleep... contrary to popular opinion, a car seat doesn't make a good bed and I'm beat... What do you say?"
"Sure." I stood so that Drew could pull the bed covers down a bit.
"You know, I brought your bag up for you. It's there on the chair." Drew said pointing to an antique-looking chair in the corner. I couldn't help but smile. Drew was such a gentleman - this was the Drew that I fell in love with.
"Thanks." I tried to reply through a yawn. Rummaging through my bag, I pulled out my comfortable sleeping pants, and a t-shirt. I was about to head to the bathroom to change when I remembered that Drew had seen me naked before and there really was no need to walk out that door and possibly run into Nick by myself. I didn't think I could handle that. Pulling my shirt over my head, I glanced over to see Drew's hungry gaze travel down the upper half of my body. After all that had happened, he still wanted me in every sense of the word.
Not wanting to tease him - since I wasn't in the mood to - I quickly pulled on the shirt, working my jeans down and slipping into the bed-pants I had tugged out of my bag. Yawning once again, I slipped into the bed and waited for Drew to finish changing into his sleep clothes and come to bed.
He slid in and pulled the covers up to rest just beneath our necks as he leaned over to turn off the light. "G'night D,"
"Night," I closed my eyes turning my back to him. I wasn't sure if he was willing to cuddle or what, I mean he couldn't just be fine with everything. He surprised me, after several minutes of tossing and turning, when he finally threw an arm over me, pulling me into his chest and spooning me. Letting out a contented sigh, I pulled his arms up so that we could hold hands as we slept.
Morning came too soon. Sure it may have only been nine in the morning, but Nana had already been up for hours slaving over a hot stove preparing breakfast for her men. I thought it was very generous how she automatically included me into her family, as if I was born into it. She was a very warm-hearted woman, and I was glad that she became a part of my life.I lay in bed beside Drew, just listening to his breathing, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath until Jeff came and gently knocked on the door asking us to get decent and come and eat before Nana came up to kick us out of bed. I didn't want to seem rude by making Nana come and get us, so I reluctantly got out of bed and dragged Drew behind me down the stairs to the kitchen.
As we entered the kitchen, Drew headed right for the fridge, grabbing the orange juice and filling two glasses as I grabbed a seat at the table. Thankfully, Nick hadn't made it down the stairs yet, so I grabbed a seat that would leave me nowhere near him.
I plopped my ass down beside Justin as he said his good mornings. That boy was too damn awake for me. I just mumbled something as Drew came and sat on the other side of me, passing me one of the glasses he had filled. I mumbled my thanks, graciously taking it from him and gulping half the glass down.
"Thirsty much?" Justin laughed.
"You know me, until I have my orange juice you can fuck yourself." I said rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"You know, you have Drew hooked on it too. Every morning he won't talk to anyone unless he has his orange juice."
I glanced over at Drew who just shrugged. "Gotta get my vitamin C somewhere." I smiled. Damn but he's fucking cute, especially when his hair is sticking up in every which direction.
"So I see the Drewsters have decided to join the land of the living." Jeff said, grabbing a seat next to Drew, ruffling his hair and snatching a piece of toast off the table and taking a bite.
"I didn't want to seem rude and all," I explained sheepishly. "I would've rathered stayed upstairs in bed all day, but having Nana come and kick my ass out of bed... not that appealing, you know?"
"Please, there ain't nothing Nana's ain't seen." Jeff laughed, sneaking some of Drew's juice.
"Speaking of Nana, where is she?" If she was going to be kicking me out of bed, where the hell was she?
"She's out back getting some eggs."
"What's wrong with the fridge?" I asked, confused.
"Nothing."
"So, why are the eggs out back?" Some things just weren't clicking for me.
"The chickens are out back," Jeff answered as if I was the dumbest thing on earth. Turning to Drew he asked, "Did you fuck his brains out last night or something? Fuck, not too bright in the morning."
"Oh, lick me!"
"No thanks, don't swing that way." He laughed waving his hands in the air.
Nick chose that moment to walk into the kitchen, followed by Nana. "Look who I found," Nana announced. "Lazy-ass was still in bed." Everyone laughed, though mine was subdued. It was evident that he had just been awakened - he still had morning wood, and there was no way he could hide it.
"Well, why don't you join us at the table, Woody." Justin joked, earning an embarrassed look from Nick.
"I was just thinking the same." Jeff laughed.
Nick slouched down in the chair directly across from me, looking down at his empty plate. "Wish I could say the same," I mumbled. Nick's head shot up at that, while Drew politely elbowed me in the arm.
"Be nice," he whispered in my ear, his breath hot and arousing.
"I'm trying." I lied.
As I grabbed my oj and began to take another sip, I looked at Nick, sitting there half-naked. Anger began to rise within me... he wouldn't even look at me. He was buff, attractive, confident - basically a fucking ADONIS -- and I should've known I couldn't have kept him.
"What's wrong?" Nana asked, sliding some eggs onto my plate.
"Nothing, Nana. It's just..." I looked directly at Nick, eye contact once again. Hazel to blue, "nothing."
A hurt look fell over Nick's face, his beautiful lips turning into a frown. I knew that look: the wounded look. The look where his eyes teared over just enough for it to seem like God Himself had pulled the stars out of the skies and placed them in Nick's eyes. The look that showed even tough guys are vulnerable. The look that I had once believed to show he could possibly love me.
The first time I saw that look was the time I had told Nick that we were making a mistake, that we shouldn't be fooling around. His eyes teared over, his lips frowned, trembling somewhat before he went off telling me how it was so right to be together. How everything was finally falling into place.
Falling into place. Yeah, I believed that. Fate had played me an unusual hand, but it was leading me back to where I should be, where I should've stayed. I grabbed Drew's hand under the table, looking directly into Nick's eyes.
"Well, if you're sure about it, then eat your breakfast up. All of you... it's getting cold." I suddenly realised that Nana had already filled out our plates and that no one had touched them yet, just watching the silent interaction between Nick and I."Yeah, I'm sure about it." I said with a slight nod. I dropped Drew's hand to pick up my fork and stab at my eggs, as an unexpected hunger came over me. "Nana, do you have any ketchup?"
"Of course, honey. In the fridge. Let me get it for you." Nana stood to fetch the ketchup before I assured her that it was alright, I could get it myself.
I grabbed the bottle from the fridge, and returned to my seat to dress my eggs to my liking. "You're the only one I know that eats ketchup on their eggs," Nana began, "except for our tough Nicky here." She ruffled his hair somewhat, earning an annoyed look from Nick.
"Nana, must you?" He laughed. "You're messin' the do."
"Nicky, I hate to break it to you, but I was doin' your do some wonders." She joked.
Nick frowned again, grabbing the ketchup bottle from my hands, making sure that his overlapped mine and held just a touch longer than he had to. Looking up from my eggs, I locked eyes with him once again, unable to read what was in their blue depths.
I yanked my hand back like I'd been burned, watching that wounded look form in his eyes once again. I didn't care, I couldn't. Sometimes you have to protect yourself from others, regardless of how you or they feel. I had to protect myself from Nick.
"Nicky, smile a little, it wouldn't kill you. How's that pretty little girl? What's her name, Jessie?"
"Jessica," he mumbled.
"Jessica, yeah. How is she?" Nana queried again.
"She's fine." He mumbled back.
"What? Nick, you gotta speak clearly. I may be young, but I ain't that young... I do have some hearing problems, you know." She joked.
Nick sighed. "I said she's fine."
"You alright?" Concern expressed clearly through her tone.
"I'm sure he's fine Nana," Justin kicked in. "Just a little tired, perhaps."
I just then clued into the fact that this had been the quietest meal that I'd ever had. Nobody seemed to want to talk, or know what to say for that matter. No wonder Nana was trying to find something to talk about.
"I'm glad to know what you think, Justin, but I'm sure Nick can answer for himself. So, Nick, what's wrong?" Damn, she could bitchy when she wanted to be, I liked her already. Justin just sat back like a disciplined child.
"I'm fine." He whispered.
"Nick, talk louder. I told you I couldn't hear you when you grumble like that. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" Nana was digging under the skin, I could tell Nick was getting way too irritated.
"I said I was fine! Can you hear me now?! I'm fine. Why don't you pick on Jeff, or Drew, or Justin for all I care. Leave me the hell alone! Did I get up on the wrong side of the bed? I didn't even fucking sleep last night, alright? Do you get it now?" Nick was just short of booming, raising from his seat. With his anger thrown onto the table, he stood there looking at the shocked faces looking back at him, chest heaving and tears coming down his face. He took one last look at Nana and her shocked demeanour before glancing at me, "Excuse me," he barely whispered before disappearing from the kitchen.
"Something's wrong with that boy," Nana stated blatantly. "Anyone know what it is?"
Everyone left at the table shrugged, "You alright Nana?"
"I'm fine Jeff, it takes a lot more than a few loud words to scare your grandmother off." She laughed, easing the tension around the table.
As the tension left everyone's shoulders, we began to eat again, pretty much in silence with the odd joke here and there. I wasn't exactly enjoying my breakfast though, more or less just pushing food in my mouth, thinking of Nick, and trying to fight the emotions that were dying to get out.
Two minutes into the silence, I couldn't take it anymore. A tear slid down my cheek, followed by another, and yet another. "Excuse me," I slid my plate forward before making my exit from the kitchen, set on finding Nick.
"Now what's wrong with that boy?" I had heard Nana ask before I had completely left the room.
"Beats me." They all replied in unison.
"Bullshit."
I couldn't find him. I checked the bathroom, his bedroom, Drew's bedroom, the living room, the garage -- the cars were still there, that was a good sign -- the basement. I couldn't find him anywhere. Heading out the back door, I began to walk down the treeline once again, heading out into the open field that lay behind Nana's house.
About ten minutes into my walk, I found a path leading into the trees that I hadn't noticed the night before. Walking down the path I came to a clearing with a pond. Over the pond was a bride, and on the bridge was Nick.
I slowly made my way over to the bridge, climbing up the incline slowly, before sitting down beside Nick, throwing my legs over the side and letting them dangle. Nothing was said. We just sat there side by side, enjoying each others company, crying tears and thinking our own thoughts.
The sun moved toward the west, slowly inching over us. That was the only indication that it was hours later and we still hadn't moved. Just sat there. Suddenly, as if on command, we both turned to look at each other. As our eyes locked I leaned in slowly. Our lips touched as we began a tender kiss, heat escalating as the kiss grew more passionate, more erotic. Our tongues danced together with a final need as the passion began to fade, and just like that, the need, the hunger, was over.
We pulled apart, Nick got up, and walked away leaving me there... alone.
TBC...