The Wounds Within My Heart By James
Disclaimer
If you're not of the legal age to read this story, or if you're offended by this type of material then leave now. This story may at times contain sex and romantic moments between consenting teenaged males. It also may contain scenes of Hate Speech towards people of different races, sexual orientations, disability groups and others. If you can't handle reading about that, then leave.
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Finally, if you like this story and haven't done this already. Offer to buy my E-mail address a new smart phone. Once you buy it for them, let them open it only to find out that it's a poorly functioning Nokia phone from the early 2000's that drops on almost every single call.
Thanks once again to K. for another well-done editing job. I really appreciate your work on fixing any errors that are in this story. Thank you.
Chapter Eight
Nohea
I awoke that Saturday morning and after eating breakfast I returned to my room. After writing in my journal for a while, I went outside and got something to drink from the pop machine. You're probably wondering how I had my journal file if my Mom had found it a few days ago. I had a copy of it on my note taker device already and I had just forgotten to bring the thumb drive along that Sunday when I returned to school.
Once I returned to my room, I was getting ready to put on a book I had been listening to, then there was a knock on my partially opened door. It was Alice Kar who was the dorm supervisor for that weekend. She let me know that she had just gotten off the phone with my father. She told me that he would be coming by to visit me. She said that he was on his way, and I thanked her for letting me know.
I sat there thinking about what was going to happen. I would be meeting my father for the first time in my life! I couldn't believe it, and a huge part of me was nervous as hell! I wondered if he'd be kind and caring. I also wondered if he would be no different than my Mom and Ray. I pushed those thoughts out of my mind, and concentrated on my book.
It was about 20 minutes later when there was another knock on my door. It was Alice again. She let me know that my dad was pulling into the parking lot and that he would be here in a moment. I went out on the porch. I sat down on a chair they had out there next to the door of the dorm. I waited for what felt like forever. After a moment, I heard footsteps in the direction of where one would walk if they were coming to our dorm.
I stood up, and after unfolding my cane I stepped out to the end of the porch where the sidewalk began. I could only see the outline of someone coming towards me, and I swallowed then before I could speak a deep soft-spoken voice spoke first.
"Nohea?" the voice said.
It clearly belonged to a man, and I heard him getting closer to me. He was now almost a foot away and nearing the distance.
"David?" I said as he came directly up to me. "Are you David Swanson, my dad?"
"Yeah, I'm David, your father," he replied smiling. "I have my hand out. They told me that you're almost totally blind."
"Thanks," I said shaking his hand.
We shook hands, then I lead him into the dorm and back to my room. My nervousness was easing a bit, and I was discovering that I was feeling slightly comfortable around this man who was my father. He seemed peaceful, and I hoped that this was how he usually was.
"So this is your room?" he asked stepping into the room and walked around seeming to check out the space.
"Yeah, such as it is," I replied. "It's not exactly a room at the Ritz Carlton, but it has a few comforts of home. Well, of what used to be home."
"Yeah, I guess you could say that," he said and I noticed a tone in his voice that sounded like he was displeased.
I heard the door close, and I waited for him to say something again.
"There's a pop machine if you want something to drink," I said.
"Thanks, but I'm fine right now," he said. "Do you mind if I sit down though?"
"I don't mind," I answered.
I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and he sat down beside me on my left.
"I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I'm actually here," he said. "A part of me still can't believe that I'm here next to you now. You look just like how you do in the two pictures your Mom sent me."
I felt the first stab of anger when he said the words "Your Mom".
"She's not my Mom anymore," I said and realized that I said it far more sharply than I had intended. "I'm sorry. It's just been really hard having her in my life."
"I can imagine it has been," he replied.
He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, and I scooted closer to him. I was discovering how calming it felt with him having his hand on my shoulder at that moment.
"I'd like to hear more about you," I said. "I mean, since I'll be coming to live with you I definitely want to know what you're like and anything you can tell me."
"I'd be happy to tell you about myself," he said. "I live in the city of Sangger, so that's where you'll be going when I take you home with me. The house I have is large, but it's not one of the rich type of houses like what you've probably been used to most of your life. I also have another son."
"You have another son?" I asked. "I was trying to process that, and I wondered what I was getting into with all this."
"I adopted him a couple of years ago," he explained. "His name is Triston, and he was living with a foster family who was abusive towards him. He's Autistic and they didn't do anything to help him regarding managing the issues that come with his needs. I was doing a job at their house, and saw how they were towards him. I was able to take him home several weeks later."
"I see," I said thinking over all that he had just told me. "I thought for a moment, that you might have had another child with someone else."
"I understand," he replied. "No, I don't have a partner in my life, so it was just through adoption that Triston came into my life. He hasn't replaced you, and never could if that was part of what you were worried about."
"Thanks for telling me that," I said scooting closer and David put his arm around me at that moment. "Barbra said that you never wanted to be in my life, and I wasn't ever sure if that was true. Somehow I always doubted what she said for some reason."
"I've never forgotten about you," David said. "I'm guessing that Barbra never let you know that I tried many times to establish contact with you?"
"She just said that you were out of my life, and that you had no reason to get in contact with me," I answered.
I stopped for a moment, then remembered several times when the phone in my mom's home office would ring. She would scream for no one to answer it. There was a home phone, but the one in her office was off-limits to us all especially to me. I told David about this.
"That would have been the times when I would call," he said. "Do you remember some of the calls happening around Christmas, Thanksgiving and around your birthday?"
"Yeah, that's when it was," I said truly shocked now! "That was you calling?"
"It was," he said.
"That's why she freaked out all those times like that!" I went on. "She didn't want me answering the phone and finding you on the other end!"
"Obviously," he said. "The phone always went to voicemail, and when she would call back either that day or a couple of days later she would say that you weren't going to be around me at all."
"She truly was messed up!" I said feeling my hate for Barbra grow a little more. "So why did I get left with her all these years? You don't know what it was like! She truly hated me, and I'm not exaggerating!"
I was close to tears at this point, and David held me a little closer.
"With Barbra and her family being as powerful and rich as they are, they made sure that I was squeezed out of your life the next day after you were born," he explained. "When we found out that Barbra was pregnant, I immediately stepped up and did everything I could to be the father you would need me to be. When she delivered you and I held you for the first time, I immediately loved you. I even gave you your name. I had heard the name somewhere. I can't remember where. When I looked into your face after they put you in my arms, I knew that Nohea was the name for you. You were beautiful and handsome at the same time."
I was crying now as my dad took me in his arms. I sobbed hard for several minutes, and he just held me talking softly to me.
"It's alright," he said. "You're safe and I'm here for you now. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you going forward, not ever."
"It's been so hard all these years," I sobbed as he held me. "I never felt like I fit in anywhere. I've just felt so alone for all this time!"
"I'm sure you have," he said. "You're not alone anymore Nohea. You don't have to go through this alone now. I'm here, and always will be."
Eventually my crying stopped, and I dried my eyes.
"So when will I be coming to live with you?" I asked.
"I'm having a couple of friends as well as my sister Beth help with getting the house ready," he said. "Your Aunt Beth is really nice, and I think you'll really like her too. Triston is really excited to meet you as well. I made sure to talk with him so he could understand what was going to happen with you coming to live with us. I can take you home with me tonight to spend the evening, or I can come back for you this up-coming Friday when it's time for you to go home."
"I have some clothes I can bring for tomorrow," I said. "What about my stuff from Barbra and Ray's house?"
"I'll be sending for that in the next couple of days," he said. "It'll all arrive at my house probably at the end of the week, so no issues there."
"Okay," I said. "I'd like to spend the night with you and Triston this evening."
"Good!" he said smiling.
After I packed a change of clothes and my toiletries in my suit case, I took my media player on which my music and books were stored. I made sure it was packed, then David and I left the school to go back to his house.
Once in the car, I leaned back as David pulled out of the parking lot. He asked me about lunch as we walked to the car, and I told him that eating out somewhere sounded good.
"What kinds of places do you like to eat at?" he asked.
"Any restaurant that isn't fancy or a rich person's restaurant," I said.
He laughed at that, and I joined him.
"That's good to know," he said.
"Seriously though, I like places that have stuff like pizza, wings and burgers," I went on.
"I'm glad to hear that," he answered.
We stopped at a wings place about 30 minutes away from the school, and once inside I realized how hungry I was! Once seated, we ordered our drinks and I leaned back glad to be free of the school for the blind for that day.
"Thanks for lunch," I said.
"You're welcome," David replied.
As we sat there, David was telling me more about what he did, and I listened really interested in knowing more about him.
"That all sounds really good," I responded once he finished talking.
"I'm glad you're impressed," he answered.
"Me too," I replied then took a drink of my Pepsi.
As I drank, I noticed the music coming from the jook box for the first time. It was some sort of Metal, or at least that's what it sounded like. The vocals sounded interesting. They sounded rather distorted, and they were alternating between a raspy whisper, a growl then returning to that harsh whisper. They then ended in a long scream that sounded like a male's voice that still had a lot of kid left in it really shrill and high-pitch.
"Christ, what the hell are they listening to?" my dad said softly so that no one but I could hear him.
He had turned his head in the direction of where the music was coming from, and the vocals were now regular singing from who I assumed was the same vocalist. It was more high-pitch rather boyish sounding vocals.
"I don't listen to too much Metal," I said. "I don't know who this is."
When the waiter came to take our food order I asked who this was we were listening to.
"They're called Dir En Grey," the waiter named Zack said. "I'm guessing you've never heard of them?"
"No," I said.
I told him that I didn't listen to much Metal aside from the groups Therion and Nightwish.
"Those are both two good Metal groups as far as Symphonic Metal goes," Zack answered. "Dir En Grey are from Japan, and they've been active since the late 1990s. The song playing now is called Sustain the Untruth. It's off their 2014 album titled Arche."
"It's not like anything I've ever heard before," I said.
"Yeah, the vocalist definitely has a wide range," Zack responded.
"Definitely," my dad said.
We then put in our orders, and David and I continued talking as we waited for the food to arrive.
"Did you have anything in mind that you wanted to do once we got home?" my dad asked.
"I'm not sure yet," I said. "I'm definitely looking forward to checking out the house."
"I'll show you around," he said. "I'd really be happy to do that."
We enjoyed our food once it arrived. At this point I was feeling not only comfortable around my dad, but truly safe as well! He had a deeply calming presence, and I was truly glad to be there with him! After we finished our food we paid then got back out on the road.
We arrived home about two hours later, and once we entered the house, David showed me the large kitchen we came into immediately after walking through the front door. He also showed me the equally large living room with its two couches facing each other from opposite sides of the room. To my left was a recliner, and to my right in back of the room was the TV. On its right sat a bookshelf, and to the left of the TV sat a stereo system. There were also two floor lamps. One beside each couch. Next to the recliner on the left sat an in table on which sat a lamp and a couple of books.
David took me up to the second floor, and we walked around with me checking out the rooms. He then showed me the third floor, and then we returned to the second floor. I picked the room that was across from Triston's bedroom. David occupied the bedroom that was all the way at the end of the hall. The room I selected had two windows that were across from the bedroom door. The bed sat under the windows, and the head of it was against the wall to my left if I was standing in the doorway of the room. There was a computer desk across from the bed on the left if I was still in the doorway. A dresser sat against the wall across from the foot of the bed. My room also contained a full bathroom, and I was really glad to see that.
After I looked around the room, I sat on the bed and unpacked my bag. David checked his phone, and he let me know that he had received a message from my Aunt Beth. She would be back with Triston in about 20 minutes. They had gone out to the park, then out to get ice-cream which they would be bringing back here. David said that she also let him know that she got something from the ice-cream shop for him and I as well.
David and I went back downstairs and into the living room. After asking if there was anything I wanted to watch to which I said no, David turned on the TV. I sat down beside him on the couch and he flipped around the channels for a moment. He stopped on a channel that was showing some Science Fiction movie. We watched for a few minutes, and I scooted closer to my dad. He put his arm around me, and I snuggled in and rested my head on his shoulder. I truly felt loved as we sat there like that! For the first time, I finally felt like I was somewhere I belonged!
Soon I heard a key in the front door. I sat up, and David did also. He got up, and after the door opened footsteps were entering.
David greeted who I guessed were my Aunt Beth and Triston. I then heard footsteps coming into the living room, and I felt a hand on my arm. Then another hand was on my right shoulder. I could see a shadow of someone in front of me.
"That's Triston," my dad said from the door way.
"Hi," I said as he had both hands on my shoulders.
He seemed to be checking me out, and he leaned closer to me. I could sense his eyes taking me in as if he was trying to memorize every detail of me.
"I'm Nohea," I said as he put his arms around my neck.
I hugged back not expecting this, but appreciating his physical gesture of affection all the same.
"Thanks," I said. "It's nice to meet you too."
I figured that that's what his hug was attempting to communicate.
"Wow," our dad said from the doorway. "That's surprising. Usually he shakes someone's hand, but sometimes he might not even do that when he meets someone for the first time. He must really want to get to know you."
"I'd really like to get to know him too," I replied.
Triston rested his head on my shoulder, and we sat there like that for a long moment, then he separated from me. I let him go, and he went into the kitchen with me following a moment later. I met Aunt Beth, and I could tell just how kind and caring she was from her voice. We hugged, and then I helped with getting napkins for our ice-cream. We sat down at the kitchen table and enjoyed our desserts.
For the rest of the day, we went to a lake that was about five minutes away from the house. Beth had to go back home after we had our ice-cream otherwise she would have joined us. While at the lake, Triston and I swam, and then walked around the wooded areas off to the side of the lake. Our dad watched us, and after Triston and I returned to the beach towel we rested for a few minutes.
Before we came to the lake, our dad asked if we wanted to grill out while at the lake. We agreed, and he brought along the grill. He also got some hamburgers and hotdogs after we told him that both of those choices sounded good. There was also potato salad along with chips. It was a really nice time at the lake, and I was feeling even more at home as we sat there waiting for the food to finish cooking!
Once we got served, I sat there really enjoying the sandwiches. Triston was really enjoying everything as well. My dad sat across from us with his own plate, and we talked as we ate. As we sat there, I was impressed with how peaceful it was all around us. There were a few birds tweeting, but for the most part it was silent and I could see myself staying for long periods of time here.
Soon it was time to go back. When our dad let me know that it was almost 5:30 P.M. I couldn't believe it! I was amazed at how quickly the time had gone by. I told him that I definitely wanted to come back here again sometime soon. He said he was glad I had a really nice time, and Triston made a sound of agreement as well.
For the rest of the evening, we all three spent time in the living room watching TV. There was a few episodes of the X Files and a couple of episodes of the Outer Limits from the 1990s on a channel that our dad had turned to once the TV was on. It was a really nice time, and after the last episode ended Triston and I got ready for bed.
It was nearing 11:00 P.M., and we were both really tired. After saying good night to Triston, I went into my room and our dad came in and we hugged for a long moment.
"I'm so glad you had a good day and evening here Nohea," he said.
"So am I Dad," I said.
I had began calling him Dad shortly after we had sat down to eat at the restaurant earlier that day. It felt right and I was glad to finally have him in my life!
"I love you, and I hope you sleep well," he said as I lay down and got under the covers.
"Thanks," I replied. "I hope the same for you too. I love you too."
"Thanks, I'm sure I will," he answered.
After he shut off the light and closed the door, I was asleep within a few minutes.
The next day I returned to the school for the blind. When I said goodbye to our dad and to Triston, I was close to tears. I had truly felt like I was part of a family when I was with the two of them the day before. Triston and I hugged for a long moment, then our dad and I hugged equally as long. After we said goodbye, they left and I sat there wishing I was back with them again.
The next few days passed, and I spent the afternoons with Pietro. The last night we had to spend together was Thursday evening. I was glad to be there with him, but I was still feeling sad in the back of my mind. I knew his leaving was soon to be and I wasn't sure how well I could handle that.
While we were together that evening, we swam for a bit, then got out and lay under a beach towel I had. We had our shirts off, and the contact his skin made with mine felt amazing! I lay there with my head resting on his chest, and he held me all that time.
"I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to you tomorrow," I said looking up at Pietro's face. "I've really had a good time getting to know you. You've been a true friend to me through these last few weeks. I know I told you that I'll be going to live with my dad and my brother. I'll be going there tomorrow afternoon after school sometime. I wanted to update you about my Mom. I haven't heard from her since that last conversation I told you about where I told her off. I didn't think I would hear from her again. I don't want to. Part of me did hope that things could have changed with her someday, and that she would do better towards me. I guess that's not going to happen though."
Pietro gave a sad sound, and held me closer. We continued to talk, and lay there until it was time to head back. We hugged for a long moment once we arrived to the door of his dorm. I then let him go, and I headed back to my own dorm.
I came up to where Pietro stood in our favorite place. It was Friday, and Mr. Marshall was able to arrange for a few minutes for Pietro and I to spend together. It was the end of the day, and kids were leaving to go home. I sat with Pietro in the cluster of trees like all those times before. Mr. Marshall said he would come and get Pietro when his family arrived to pick him up.
I turned to Pietro, and I had to swallow hard before speaking. I reached for his hand, but he put his hands on my shoulders leaning forward to look into my eyes like all those times before. I didn't think I could handle that. I was already having a hard time trying to keep it together as it was.
"I really loved our time together," I said swallowing again. "Being with you has meant more to me than I could ever say in words. You made me feel like I belong, and like I matter. No one has ever done that for me before. When I've been with you, I feel like I was whole inside for the first time ever. I'll never forget you, and what you've done for me. I just hope that I was able to be as good of a friend to you as well."
One tap.
"I'm glad," I said.
I looked away quickly. Keeping it together was getting even harder now, and I felt intense pain inside like I hadn't ever felt before. I experienced sadness many times before, but this felt different.
"I have something for you," I said reaching up to the back of my neck.
I removed my cross, and I held it up for Pietro to see.
"I would like you to have this," I said as my voice gave a strong quaver. I swallowed hard again. "This can be for you to remember me by. If you're feeling sad, or scared you can look at it and know that somewhere I'm always thinking of you."
I wasn't sure if Pietro would try to refuse it, but he immediately took it from my hands. I had to help him get the clasp fastened. I did that, and then I heard footsteps in the distance.
I'm going to miss you so much," I said as I threw my arms around him, and he held me tightly. "I can't believe this is happening."
I was closer to tears now than before, and I knew it wouldn't take much to get me to go over the edge. I stood up, and Pietro stood as well. Mr. Marshall came closer and he called out for Pietro.
"Goodbye Pietro," I said as we hugged one last time.
He squeezed my hand gently, then he was walking off. I struggled to watch his outline as it got even more faint. I sat down at that point on the bench, and I couldn't hold it together any longer. I sobbed hard, and did my best so that no one would hear me. I of course couldn't see if anyone was around since my head was in my hands, but I couldn't think about that. I could only feel the pain I was feeling at that moment. My best friend, and the boy who was the love of my life was gone. I felt like I wouldn't ever stop crying, and it only seemed to intensify.
As I continued sitting there crying, I heard the phone that my dad had bought for me that weekend past. It was ringing, and I could hear that it was my dad's name. I struggled to tap the screen to answer the call.
I had told my dad about Pietro, but not the secret feelings I had for him. I could sense that my dad knew how much I loved Pietro, and I wondered how he would deal with it. I picked up the call, and my dad asked what had happened. He sounded alarmed and deeply concerned.
"Dad he's gone!" I said sobbing hard again. "Pietro's gone! He just left a few minutes ago, and,!"
I couldn't finish. I was sobbing so hard that I couldn't talk.
"I'm pulling into the school parking lot now," he said. "Where are you?"
I struggled hard to get my crying under some kind of control so I could talk. My dad was clearly worried even more now. Somehow I did.
"I'll be there in a moment," I said.
I hung up after he said he'd be waiting for me, and I went back to my dorm. My dad was standing at the door, and he saw me and headed for me quickly.
"I'm really sorry Nohea," he said taking me into his arms. "I'm really sorry that Pietro had to move away."
We got my stuff, and once in the car I sat there with my dad just holding me. I was crying, but not as hard as I had been only a few minutes before. My tears did subside, but I still wasn't ready for my dad to let me go.
"I never knew something like this could hurt so much," I said as I rested against my dad as he held me. "It hurts, it really hurts so much. It doesn't feel like it'll ever stop."
"I'm sure it hurts really badly," he said. "I know you really love Pietro, and you and him must have been really close. I'll be here for you through it all, and I want you to come to me when or if you need to talk about this. I mean that, I don't want you feeling like you have to hold anything in about missing him. I know you love him a lot, and I'm sure he deeply loves you too."
"Thank you," I said. "That really means a lot."
"I'm happy that I can be here for you through it all, especially with this," he replied.
"So am I," I answered.
After I let him know that I would be alright, he started the car and we pulled out of the parking lot to head back to his house for the weekend.
Author's Notes
Well, it arrived for Nohea and Pietro to go their separate ways. Nohea is definitely in a lot of pain, and you'll all get to see how things go with him trying to get through everything. I hope you guys like how things eventually turn out for him and how things end up developing for Pietro. All that being said, I hope you guys are having a good evening. I'll see all of you in Chapter Nine.