The Wounds Within My Heart By James
Disclaimer
If you're not of the legal age to read this story, or if you're offended by this type of material then leave now. This story may at times contain sex and romantic moments between consenting teenaged males. It also may contain scenes of Hate Speech towards people of different races, sexual orientations, disability groups and others. If you can't handle reading about that, then leave.
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Finally, if you like this story and haven't done this already. Invite my E-mail address jamesheady1985@gmail.com out night-fishing. When you guys go to the lake to do the fishing, make sure the lake is near an area of woods in which several packs of hungry wolves are located.
Thanks to K. for editing this story. Your editing really helps this story be everything that it is. Thank you.
Chapter Three
When you have no light to guide you And no one to walk to walk beside you I will come to you Oh I will come to you Hanson I Will Come to You
Nohea
After taking my seat, our second class of the day began. My throat was still slightly irritated, having just thrown up. I didn't feel nauseous any longer, but I still felt on edge. Mrs. Jones was passing out Brailled worksheets and she stood there for a long moment after I took the sheet from her hand. I could sense that she was watching me, and I wondered what that meant.
I had met her yesterday with all the other kids in this math class. She seemed nice. That was the thing though! They all seemed nice, but they either stood by doing nothing while the more overtly abusive teachers yelled at us. If they weren't doing that though, then they could still make sarcastic comments, so it was either the nice teachers enabling, or switching immediately from that to more covert rude remarks. I would have to really watch her before I could make my mind up that I could trust her.
Once our class was over, I packed up everything. As the last couple of students left the room, I turned to head out myself.
"Nohea," Mrs. Jones called. "I was wondering if you could come by after school today."
I felt my stomach seize up.
"Fuck!" I thought in my head. "Now this one is already going to fucking start in on me!"
I had to stay over after class a few times the year before, mainly with Dave Connelly, so he could go into more detail about certain computer-related tasks I was having trouble with. It was true that I was having problems with a few things when working the computer. Unfortunately, he used these sessions clearly to take out more aggression on me. He clamed that he wanted me to have the best grades in the class, and I'd leave these after-school sessions barely able to keep my emotions in check. Now another teacher was asking me to stay after school. How fun this was probably going to be.
"I can stop by," I said turning to look in her direction. "Is there something I need to fix with any of the assignments?"
"I'll let you know when you stop by," she said as she moved some papers around on her desk.
I felt my pulse pounding in my head now, and I felt even more on edge.
"Look, if I did something wrong couldn't you just let me know now so I can fix it!" I said.
Only then did I realize I was close to tears, and that I had raised my voice. "Sorry," I said. "I'm sorry for yelling. It's just really hard being up here."
I felt tears coming to my eyes now, and was fighting hard to hold them back.
"Thank you for the apology, Nohea, but it's not anything you did," she said coming over to me and putting her arm around my shoulders. "I wanted to make sure that you have all the class materials you need. Sometimes it can take one of the books a few days to get here even when we order them months before school starts up. I want to just make sure that you're not missing a book or any worksheet packets I'll be giving you in the coming weeks."
"Okay," I said feeling myself growing a little calmer now. "I'll be by right after my last class."
"Okay," she replied. "Don't worry about being late to your next class. I'll write you a note."
"Thank you," I said.
"You're welcome," she replied.
I got through the next couple of classes, then it was time for lunch. I went into the cafeteria which, like usual, was packed. We had the choice of eating off campus, and I figured I'd do that either the next day, or at certain points if the food at the school got too disgusting. On the menu that day was Spaghetti and Garlic Bread. I hated that kind of meal and this didn't exactly help my mood.
I sat down at a table in the back of the room nearest the trash can so I could quickly dump my plate if it got too much to deal with. Aiden and his two friends, Ron and Jacob, were with him. They were both on the wrestling team, and Aiden was trying out for it as well. I groaned to myself in my head as I sat down. They were already talking about the try-outs, and I knew that Aiden would be nagging me about joining one of the sports they had at the school. If a student joined a sport, then they would have to go to other schools for the blind on weekends whenever various sport meets would be happening. In short, that meant fewer weekends at home. Sure, my homelife was uncomfortable, and that was an under-statement. That being said though, I still had a few moments of peace either in my bedroom, or in the woods behind my house.
I wouldn't have these moments if I joined a sport and had to go to other schools for the blind for certain weekends out of the month. Bottom line, if I had anything to say about it,, I wouldn't be joining any sports.
"So what about you Wilson," Aiden asked looking directly at me and with a tone in his voice suggesting that he had not a care in the world. "What sport are you trying out for this year?"
"None," I said sharply.
"I see," he said with a serious tone, suggesting that he thought I was the stupidest person on Earth. "Well, if you want to continue not embracing your manliness, then that's your choice. If you ask me, you need to get some muscles on your body. I mean, you're not fat or anything like that, but damn. If you get any thinner, then the kids and adults in this place with half-way decent vision will need a microscope to find you up in this Bitch."
I had finally had enough of Aiden and his smug Aren't We Just Fine Bullshit. I stood up, grabbed my plate and slammed it into the trash can then slammed my chair down, moving it back under the table. Aiden, Ron and Jacob jumped and gasped.
"How about this Aiden," I said leaning over just inches away from him. "You just worry about what you need to concentrate on up in this bitch. Sound good?"
I walked away from the table swinging my guiding cane like usual. I had planned on walking out of the school and to a small wooded area that was behind it. I found it a couple of weeks before school let out for Summer Break last year. I hadn't been to it since I returned, but I needed to go there now. Earlier in the week I had also thought about taking Pietro there so he could check it out. I got closer to the doorway that would lead me out of the cafeteria, then I heard a voice.
"Are you finished eating Pietro?" a man's voice asked.
It was coming from my right, and back aways. I instantly turned around and walked in the direction of the voice. The man was still talking. I listened for another moment, then recognized the man as Mr. Marshall. He worked with the kids who were labeled as multi-Handicap. These could be kids who, while having various levels of visual impairments, could also have other issues as well. A couple of kids had disabilities which made them unable to speak, save for various vocal sounds. These were usually issues related to far more pervasive disabilities such as Cerebral Palsy or related events. Others had disabilities such as those which affected their intellect so that they couldn't properly participate in regular classes.
Most of these kids worked in the Vocational Wing of the school. This included tasks such as cleaning the restrooms, shredding papers and other related tasks. When my Mom and Ray were enrolling me in the school for the blind, they immediately said I'd be going into the Vocational Wing. When my Mom asked if that was the area for teaching kids how to learn how to clean out the road-side restrooms, they said it was. My mom quickly informed them that I knew how to read and write Braille. They immediately let her know that I'd be put in regular classes. That was one of the first things that gave me a bad feeling about the school. If I hadn't already endured most of what I had already been through, that event alone would have been enough for me to completely hate the school. I worked to not feel that way though, mainly because my Mom and Ray wouldn't listen to any objections I would try to raise. Even when I told them that I was nervous about going to the school a couple of months before my first day there, they said I was going and that was that.
So Pietro was in the Vocational Classes, and I was sorry to see that. I had a feeling that they weren't doing anything to help him with communication. I came up to where Mr. Marshall stood helping Pietro with gathering up his plate.
"I'll get this thrown away," Mr. Marshall said.
I met Mr. Marshall a few times the year before when we would be in the lunch room, and he as an individual seemed like a nice guy. I thought about that as I stood there, then turned to Pietro.
"Hi," I said.
Pietro pushed in his chair then walked over to me. He put an arm around my shoulders for a moment. I returned the gesture.
"It's really good to see you today!" I said.
"He nodded his head smiling, then he moved in front of me. I new what he wanted, and I stood there with my head held up so he could look at my necklace like he had the night before.
"Oh, hi Nohea," Mr. Marshall said, stepping over to us.
Pietro was feeling the pendant while tilting it so the light would reflect from it. He was doing this with his right hand. His left hand held my right hand since I had my cane folded up for the moment. It felt good with him holding my hand like that.
"Hi Mr. Marshall," I said turning my head to face him.
"So, I see you met Pietro," he said.
"We met Monday evening," I said. "He's becoming a really good friend."
"Yeah, I enjoy interacting with him as well," Mr. Marshall responded.
"I'm glad you like him too," I said.
"Me too," Marshall answered. "I hope you guys get a chance to become really close friends."
"Thanks," I said. "So do I."
I stood there for another moment, then Pietro let go of my cross, while his other hand released mine.
"We should be getting back to the classroom," Marshall said.
"Okay," I said. "I'll see you later Mr. Marshall," then to Pietro. "I'll see you later sometime."
He smiled, then they were walking away. I felt a deep happiness at that moment that hadn't been there all that day. I unfolded my guiding cane, then exited the cafeteria feeling more at piece, and like I could get through anything!
The day eventually came to a close, and I went back to Mrs. Jones's room. After responding for me to come in once I knocked on the door, I entered the room. Shutting the door, I then came up to a desk directly across from her own.
"You said you wanted to see me," I said, as that nervousness began coming back.
"I do," she replied.
She wheeled her desk chair up to where I sat and she sat there beside me watching me for a moment. I waited, and then thought about how she behaved as I interacted with her yesterday and today. She sounded, from her voice, like she was African-American. I could see that her skin didn't look as light as most of the kids and adults there at the school. I also noticed that she didn't have that way of hardness and toughness in her voice, subtle or otherwise, like most of the other teachers.
I waited another moment for her to speak, then she got up, making sure the door was closed and latched. She sat back down again, then began talking.
"I do have a second half of your math book to give you," she said. "I'll give that to you here in a few minutes. I just wanted to talk with you for a little while. Don't worry, I let your dorm know that you'd be back there shortly."
"What did you want to talk with me about?" I asked.
"Well, first of all I'm a new teacher here," she said. "Before I came here, I taught at a public school in the city of Sangger. I saw how some of the kids with disabilities were treated. I was one of several black teachers there. I come here, and now I'm about the only black teacher on staff. I'm also someone who's not the most respectful of authority. Oh, and everything we say here is just between us and us only."
"Okay," I said wondering where she was going with this.
"Good," she said. "That being said, I've been able to see quickly what kind of a school this is. To say the least, I don't agree with a good portion of the ideas being taught here. I'm getting the feeling that you're not exactly enjoying yourself here either. How long have you been going to this school?"
"Since last year," I responded.
"Oh, that's right," she said. "I saw that when I read in your file. Anyway, as I said, I was watching you yesterday. I was also paying close attention to you this morning in class, especially when you came in. You were about a minute late, but that's alright. I'm not a doctor, but I can tell when someone has just come back from a bathroom after having gotten sick."
"Sometimes I throw up," I said. "It happens when I get under a lot of stress."
I was feeling close to tears now, and wasn't sure why. It might have been her kind voice, or just the fact that she was saying what I needed to hear. Maybe it was also her disagreeing with the school. That finally told me that what I was feeling was valid. It also might have been the other issue about how, more and more as the days when by, I was discovering that my Mom and Ray didn't like me, nor have much use for me at all.
"Do you feel comfortable talking with me about what's been causing you stress?" she asked.
"I don't know," I said feeling myself growing closer to tears. "Just a lot of things."
I began crying at that point, and immediately she took me in her arms.
"Truth be told, you have the look of someone who has the weight of the world always on your shoulders," she said as she held me.
"Yeah, that's basically how it feels," I said, sobbing harder now. "I really hate it here! Everyone is always talking about how you can't make a mistake because one day you'll be in the Real World, whatever that is. They're always going on and on about how in the Real World, no one will be there to help you, and that you'll have to do everything for yourself. It's like they don't want us to have our childhood, or like they don't want us to age out of it like most kids do. I can hardly relate to what they're talking about half the time when they go on and on about this being the real world when we grow up. Like what the hell, I'm only 13 years old! I still hardly know what I want to do with my life. I don't always know what I want for lunch from one day to the next."
"I know it's a lot to go through," she said continuing to hold me as I cried. "It's not as if you're all going to become adults within the next hour. If you ask me, I think all this says more about them and how they view the blind around here. Like they think that, unless you do everything as a blind person without any help at all, that you'll be a failure. I don't think that's true, and I don't think it's weakness to need or ask for help like they seem to be implying all the time."
My crying was easing up, and I motioned for her to let me go. I then went to work drying my eyes.
"It's interesting," I said once my tears were gone, "You've put into words everything that I was thinking. It's like these people around here are from a totally different planet or something."
"It does feel like that," she agreed. "So, is there anything else going on that you'd feel comfortable sharing with me?"
I told her a little about my frustrations with my Mom and Ray, and she seemed alarmed.
"Well, I certainly don't like the harsh attitudes they use towards you," she said. "I do want to let you know though, that anything you tell me about the issues between you and your Mom and Ray, stays between you and I. That being said though, if anything escalates, or if they start getting harsher with you, then depending on what happened, I might have to report what's going on. If they hit you or do anything to endanger your safety, then I'm required by law to report it to Children's Services."
"Thanks for telling me all that," I said. "They don't hit me or anything like that. They just yell a lot."
"Even so, I want you to feel comfortable to talk with me about anything going on concerning them, or anything else," she replied.
"Thank you," I said leaning over so I could hug her. "I think I'll be alright at the moment."
"You're welcome, Nohea," she said hugging me back. "You should probably be getting back to the dorm now, and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow," I replied, heading towards the door.
After letting Doug Fields know that I was back, I asked if I could go over to Pietro's dorm. I wanted to let him know that I'd probably have to come over later that evening to visit. I had more homework that day, and after I went over to tell Pietro the news, I went back to my own dorm.
I got most of the homework assignments completed before dinner, and once I returned from dinner, I went over to visit Pietro. Unfortunately, he wasn't there. One of the other dorm supervisors at the last minute came over, and between her and Jack Smith, they decided to take the kids from that dorm to see a movie playing at one of the theaters. Jack let me know what was going on as they were all headed out. I felt sad for a moment, but the sadness was short lived when he let me know that all of the kids at his dorm would be at the dance the next evening. That clearly meant that Pietro would be there, and I was definitely going to spend as much time with him as possible!
The next day seemed to fly by. It was soon time for the dance, and for about the first 20 minutes, I had two of the more popular girls, Tammy and Marsha, wanting to each have a turn to dance with me. They were more popular with Aiden's friend group, and Aiden had told me a couple of times towards the end of last school year, that they both wanted to hook up with me. I didn't think that meant anything necessarily sexual, but I could tell from the way Aiden was talking, that they were really into me.
Tammy and I danced to one song, then Marsha had her turn. She was the bolder of the two of them, and at the end of the song, she tried to kiss me. It was no timid attempt either.
"What?" she said annoyed.
"I'm not into that," I said trying to be polite. "I mean, it's not like we're dating. I'm still saving myself for the right person out there."
"Oh my god Nohea," she said getting annoyed. "I can see why Aiden is always ragging you. You're so damn childish. Hooking up and shit like that is just what kids do."
She leaned in close at that point whispering in my ear.
"My parts work really well, and they've been in operation since I was 12. That is, if you know what I mean."
I backed away as she pressed against me a little harder.
"Like I said, I'm not interested," I said, backing away then going through the crowd.
"Have it your way," she said sharply.
After a moment, I heard Aiden's voice. He was talking to Marsha, and their words carried really well even over the soft song that was playing now.
"I don't get that weirdo at all," Aiden said.
"Neither do I," Marsha replied. "Wonder if he's some homo who takes it in the back door?"
"I wouldn't be surprised at this point," he answered.
I did my best to ignore them, and as I made my way towards the exit to the gym, I saw an outline of someone coming up to me. It was Pietro, and he gently took my arm.
"Hey," I said, forgetting all about what Aiden and Marsha had just said. "I'm really glad to see you!"
Pietro gave me a thumbs-up, then he led me in the direction of the snack bar. We got Pepsis, and a couple of candy bars.
"Would you like to sit outside?" I asked.
One tap.
"That sounds good," I answered.
Once outside, we sat on a bench that was to the right of the entrance. I asked Pietro how his day was, and he gave a thumbs-up. When I asked what he did, he mimed tearing up papers, then mimed opening a file drawer.
"So they had you shredding papers, and then organizing files?" I asked.
One tap.
"Is that what they have you doing most of the time since you've been here?" I asked.
One tap.
"If you had a choice, what would you like to be doing if you could?" I asked.
Before I could begin listing off choices, he moved his hands so that they were palm down, then began moving his fingers. I thought at first that he was imitating playing a piano, then he put my finger on his right thumb. It was moving like how you would do when typing on a computer keyboard.
"You'd like to be doing stuff on a computer?" I asked.
One tap.
"Anything else?" I asked.
He held one hand palm up, then had me rest my hand on his right hand. He held it the way one does when turning pages in a book.
"You'd like to read if you could as well?" I asked.
One tap.
"I wish there was stuff they could do here to help you learn how to do all that," I said.
I felt disgusted inside though. The reality was more likely that they were content to just leave him doing what he had been doing. That is assuming that they had even tried to find alternative methods by which he could communicate in the first place.
Pietro took my hand gently squeezing it for a moment. We then ate our candy bars while enjoying our Pepsis. Pietro bought this time, and I paid him back before we sat down on the bench. It was really nice sitting there with him. The music was pounding away in the gym, but I hardly heard it as I sat there with Pietro, who now had his arm around my shoulders.
"As for what I want to do if I could," I went on. "I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do for a job when I grow up and leave school. My Mom and her husband Ray want me to do something related to business. My Mom has two sisters, both of whom are high-power attorneys. There's also a couple of other relatives on my mom's side of the family who do things in finance that bring in about $1,000,000.00 an hour. No, I'm not joking."
Pietro gave a sound that sounded truly amazed.
"If you haven't picked up on it already, I could care less," I said. "Money, riches and the High Life don't impress me. I really care about people, and helping others in ways that don't have to do with throwing money and diamonds at them. If I could, I'd really like to do something involving helping people connected to the church I go to. That's why I wear the cross around my neck that you like to look at."
Pietro smiled, and held me a little closer.
"I've always been involved in my church," I went on. "My family doesn't like it. They're not the most religious, and really, they're so money-obsessed. What about you though, do you believe in God? I mean, if you don't mind me asking."
One tap. No hesitation.
"I'm glad to hear that," I said. "Also, I want to be clear. I don't have any problem with those who are of different faiths, or of no faiths at all. I just don't like how some people only focus on things that bring pleasure for only a short time. I'm talking about those who are always addicted to money, or those who have to have the newest and hottest item. I especially can't stand people who think that they have to rush into sex with a person before really getting to know them."
Pietro gave me one tap without any hesitation.
"You feel the same way?" I asked.
One tap.
"I'm glad," I said. "It's nice to find another person who understands these things."
We continued sitting there, and at that moment several cars were driving passed the school. They all slowed, and more cars were slowing behind them. It seemed as though there was suddenly a traffic jam.
One car that was all the way at the back of the line had music going. The song that had been playing faded, then another song began playing. It was announced as the song titled "I will Come to You", by the group Hanson. The car's windows were all the way open, or at least down enough so that the music came out clearly.
I listened for a moment as the song played, and I could tell that Pietro was doing the same thing. After a moment, he reached out for me, and he held me in his arms. I wrapped my arms around him, and just rested against him with my head on his chest. The lyrics of the song described exactly how I felt about my new friend, and as we sat there holding each other, Pietro began swaying gently. I did the same, and while it wasn't slow-dancing in the typical sense of the word it was very close to it.
Time seemed to stand still as we sat there holding each other as the song played. I felt like it was just Pietro and I there. I never wanted that moment to end, and it was the happiest I had ever been at that point!
As the song was drawing to a close, I took my head off Pietro's chest, and as I turned to look at the line of cars, my friend gently moved my head so I was looking right at him. He gently rested his forehead on mine, and I could sense his beautiful grey eyes looking deeply into my blue ones. I felt the deep and intense love he clearly had for me at that moment. I also felt just as much of an all-consuming love for him. Our souls were connected at that moment in ways that couldn't be measured. I knew in that instant that we were truly one!
The song was over, and the cars began driving off. Pietro moved his head away from mine, and though the moment was over, I knew what I felt for Pietro. I couldn't live without him, and I could sense from him that he felt the same way about me. We continued holding each other as the dance went on inside the school building. We didn't say anything, there was no need for words.
Author's Notes
From what you've read in this chapter, you can clearly see how Nohea and Pietro feel about each other. You also see that Mrs. Jones really cares about Nohea, as well as being concerned about his welfare and safety. She'll continue to play a huge part in his life as he continues on at the school. I hope you guys like how I handle that. I'll also be dealing with more of the issues between Nohea and his mom and Ray. You'll get to see that in the next chapter as well. I hope you guys enjoy all that happens in the up-coming chapter.
All that being said, I hope you're all having a good evening. I'll see you guys in Chapter Four.