Disclaimer: The following is a story about coming of age and self- discovery. You must be 18 to read it. It contains explicit depictions of sex between teenage boys. However if any of this offends you, then please don't read it.
"The Way The World Works"
Chapter 3:Too Good to be True
I looked at Zach for what seemed like ages. The happy fog that his kiss had sent my brain into was slowly turning into a jumbled mess of confused thoughts and emotions. Was I dreaming? Did this really happen to me? If I spoke, would the whole moment be ruined? I was stuck in an uncontrollable state of indecision. From what my eyes could tell me, Zach was in the same boat. Finally, fate intervened and ended the moment for us.
"Zach!"
What? Who was that?
"Zach! Are you here?" a voice called out.
Zach's focus on me was broken abruptly. He turned slightly from me and directed his voice toward the open doorway. "I'm in the den dad!" he called out.
Dad? His dad was here? I thought he was working late at his office. Wow, I really wasn't expecting this! I'd just started at this new school, met this incredible guy, who had kissed me and wanted to be my friend. Now I was about to meet his father. I was not ready for this. But I couldn't just run out. That wouldn't help anything. I had to just ride this out.
Zach got up off of the couch and stood waiting for his father. A few moments later a tall, handsome man entered to room. He looked very tired, but smiled at Zach and then turned his gaze to me. He then looked back at Zach and said, "Hi son. How was your day?"
"Good dad, nothing unusual." he said a little nervously.
"That's good. Are you going to introduce me to you friend here, or do I have to put on the old Martin charm and do it myself?"
"Oh...uhh sorry dad. This is Danny. Danny Billings. I'm going to be his senior guide this year."
"Well hello Danny. Nice to meet you. You've got a fine young man here as your guide." He said as he reached out to shake my hand.
"Hello Senator Martin." I said. "It's nice to meet you too." He seemed so powerful and intimidating. He wasn't as tall as Zach, about 6'1", but he had a very commanding presence. I guess being in politics for a while does that to you.
"Please call me John or Mr. Martin, Danny. I get that Senator crap 12 hours a day, more so since I'm in the middle of a campaign."
I blushed at his bluntness. It also relaxed me a little. He did not seem quite so intimidating now. "Ok Mr. Martin," I said, "I don't think I can manage to call you John."
"Good enough. So what do you think of Ellsworth? Did any of those stuffed shirts bore you to death yet?"
Wow! That was a surprise to hear.
"Daaaad." Zach said. "Danny has only been there one day."
"Well it's true. You think they're stuffy Zach." Mr. Martin said.
"I know but let's not influence Danny's opinion. He's smart enough to decide for himself whether or not they are stuffy...even though they are." There was a hint of wry wit to Zach's voice as he said this.
"Well," I said, "I think based on my first impression, they were a little too wrapped up in the classes they were teaching and all that tradition they were spouting. But they can't help being themselves"
We all laughed lightly at that comment. Zach then took the opportunity to change the subject away from school. "So dad, why are you home from work so early?"
"Well, one of my aides arranged for me to meet with some school children back home this week to boost support with parents of the education bill we're trying to pass. So I came home early to eat something and pack for an 8:00 flight."
Zach looked a little disappointed at hearing this. His father seemed to notice too.
Mr. Martin said, " I promise to be back by Friday for dinner. And by the way, I informed my staff that any political trips or appearances they plan for me until the election cannot conflict with your football games. I haven't missed one yet have I?"
"No you haven't dad. Thanks for doing that. I appreciate it." Zach said.
"Well, I'll leave you boys to whatever you were doing. I'm going to take a short nap before I eat. It was nice meeting you Danny. I'll see you later I'm sure."
"You bet Mr. Martin. Have a good trip."
"I hope so. Goodbye." He turned and walked out of the room and headed upstairs.
Now that we were alone again, I turned to Zach. He took the initiative and spoke first.
"I'm sorry about earlier Danny. I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."
Sorry? I wasn't sorry that he kissed me. I liked it. I certainly didn't stop him. "You didn't take advantage of me Zach. You have nothing to be sorry about."
"Really? You're not upset with me for kissing you?"
"No, why should I be?"
"Well I just thought that maybe I had done something wrong because you looked so...confused."
"I was confused." I said. "But not the way that you're thinking. I was just so surprised it happened, that I didn't know whether or not it was real. I had been wanting to do the same thing to you ever since I met you this morning. Then all of a sudden here you were kissing me. I was just a little thrown, that's all."
"You wanted to kiss me this morning too?" Zach looked shocked as he said this.
"Yes I did. You're so strong and handsome and you made me feel so safe right from the beginning."
"Wow, this is too much. I've got to sit down." He said.
I moved to sit beside him. I got the feeling that both of us had declared a lot more of our feelings than either had intended.
Zach took a deep breath and exhaled before speaking again. "I don't entirely understand what has happened today. I've never done something so impulsive before. I just felt this compulsion to kiss you earlier. But I can't figure out why I gave into it so easily. I mean I've wanted to kiss other people before. I wanted to kiss you this morning. But I maintained my self-control."
"Do you wish you hadn't done it?" I asked sounding a little hurt.
"No! Oh God no. It's just that I'm your Senior guide Danny. I'm supposed to be your friend and help you through your first year at Ellsworth. I'm not supposed to be kissing you. Besides, you're a freshman. Don't you think I'm a little old to be kissing you?"
"Zach, you are my friend. Believe me, just talking to you this morning and at lunch helped enormously with my first day. You made all my doubts about Ellsworth disappear."
"But what about how much older I am than you?"
"To be honest, I was surprised that you wanted to get to know me in the first place. I mean you're the star of the football team and so popular. I figured someone in your position would want to be a senior guide to another future jock star. But that was before you kissed me. Now I'm just glad to have someone who understands how I feel. I've never shown this side of myself to anyone else. You know, about liking guys. I'm just so happy that there's someone else out there who feels the same way, I don't care how old you are."
Zach got that thoughtful look about him again and then said, "You know, I had not thought to look at things from that perspective. I just figured you would be pissed that a big fag had kissed you."
I was shocked to hear him say that. Why would such a strong, confident guy use such a mean, hateful word to describe himself? "Why did you call yourself a fag Zach?"
"Well that's what I am, aren't I? I mean you don't see any other jocks running around kissing guys do you?"
Wow, I understood now. He had the same fears about being outed that I did. Just because he was older and bigger and stronger did not mean that he wasn't capable of feeling fear and confusion any differently than I did. I took his hand in both of mine and looked him in the eye. I said, "I don't think you're a fag Zach. I think we are both gay and that's it."
I then leaned over and kissed him. He seemed surprised at this, but did not pull back. He slowly started to respond and reciprocate. It turned into a sweet, tender, lingering kiss. It was so affectionate and filled with emotion. Finally we pulled away just slightly and looked at each other through tear filled eyes. We had both begun to release years of pent up emotion, frustration, hurt and anxiety just by being together.
"Thank you Danny. I'm speechless."
"Thank you too Zach. I feel like a part of me has been freed."
We sat there for a few more minutes just looking at each other, memorizing facial features, becoming familiar with this new closeness that we had established.
We eventually started talking again. We began the intimate and slow process of continuing the personal revelation that our first kiss had started. We exchanged stories about when we each realized we were gay. I told him about how my realization happened around the same time I hit puberty. I also mentioned my fear of being outed at Ellsworth.
Zach had accepted his sexuality only in the last year or so. So despite our difference in age, we were pretty much equal in this category. He told me about how hard it had been to believe it about himself, what with having such a powerful, masculine father and a lady's man for a big brother. He also felt he had to live up to this 'straight' image of himself because he was so big and athletic and had such a deep voice. Apparently his brain had been flooded with stereotypical images of one-dimensional gay men. As I sat and listened to him bare his soul to me about the painful process he had been through, I got the impression that I was the first person he had ever told any of this to. It was truly a special moment.
I realized that even though I shared some of his fears about being outed unwillingly and understood his loneliness, I had not really felt ashamed of being gay. I had been afraid of the ridicule I might face or potential rejection from my family. But, I was gay and that was not something I wanted to change. Zach had had a different experience. I wondered what had happened to cause this.
When he was done speaking, the grandfather clock in the foyer announced that it was four o'clock. He looked at me and asked, "can you stay a little longer Danny, or do you have to go?"
"I think I can stay for a while. I'm only one subway stop away from here and I did a lot of my homework during study hall. I just have to call home to tell my grandmother I'll be a late."
"Ok great." He said smiling.
Zach got the cordless phone from a table in the corner and handed it to me. I called home and let my grandmother know I'd be home around 5:30. I told her that I'd made a new friend at school and was at his house. I gave her the number in case she needed to reach me. She sounded happy that I had made a friend so quickly.
After I hung up, Zach asked me if I wanted to see his room. Of course I said "Yes." So I followed him to a door near the back end of the main staircase. He opened it and started down a flight of steps. I walked behind him and saw that they led to a fully finished basement that was divided into two separate bedrooms and a recreation area complete with pool and ping-pong tables. There was also an entertainment center with a couch and chairs in the corner
Zach turned to me and said, "My parents bedroom and the two guest rooms are on the second and third floors along with their offices. When we first moved here they thought it would be a good idea that Liam and I have our own space away from all the politics. They had the basement remodeled so we'd each have our own rooms and this rec area to play in. I have a lot of privacy down here, especially since Liam is away at school."
"Wow Zach this is awesome. I really like it."
"Do you play ping pong Danny?"
"I've never played before, but I'd like to try."
"Cool, let's play."
I thought that I'd have little trouble adapting to ping-pong since I was pretty good at tennis. Boy, was I wrong. I kept over hitting the ball and taking huge swings instead of letting my hand and wrist do the work. I lost three consecutive games to Zach. He laughed a little at how inept I was. But I had a good time anyway. I was with him and that mattered more than who won or lost.
After the third game we stopped and Zach took me to see his room. It was very nice, a little larger than mine. His bed was a lot bigger than mine, but of course he was eleven inches taller than me. He showed me some of the pictures of him with his friends from the football team and also more pictures of his brother Liam. He showed me a picture of his mom. We must have spent a half hour looking through things in his room. It was so comfortable to be with him. That sense of safety that Id felt earlier was even stronger now.
Just then there was a buzzing noise coming from the wall over his bed. Zach got up and went over to a white box and pressed one of the buttons. "Yes dad." He said.
"Just wanted to let you know that I'm getting ready to leave for the airport. Do you want to come up and wish you old man a safe trip?"
"Sure dad, I'll be right up."
Zach let go of the button on the intercom and told me he'd be right back. He quickly ran upstairs. While he was gone I took some time to think about what had happened. This was the first time all day that I'd had nothing to distract me from taking stock of everything that occurred.
Looking back I realized that it was good that Zach's dad had interrupted us after we'd kissed the first time. It gave each of us a chance to calm down and think more clearly. I know that I had been going on autopilot before that. I no longer saw Zach as an invincible hero figure. I recognized that he was a real person with weaknesses and fears. He was still strong and confident and handsome, but he was even more beautiful to me because he had been able to open his heart and show his feelings. I really liked him. I hoped desperately that he and I would be good friends. But I didn't dare wish for anything more. Not just yet.
I didn't notice Zach come back into his room. I was startled when he asked, "What are you thinking about?"
"Huh? Oh...How long have you been standing there?"
"About two minutes. You just looked so cute sitting there like that. I couldn't help but stare. So what were you thinking about?"
"Oh, just how happy I was to have met you and how lucky I was that you were willing to open up to me."
He came to sit next to me on his bed. Stoking my face softly, he said, "I feel just as lucky to have met you. I have never been able to talk to anyone as openly as I can to you. It seems like it shouldn't make sense that I can trust you so much after less than day. But I do. There's an innocence about you. I don't mean that you're na^Ëve. Just pure. Pure and so beautiful."
I was soooo caught off guard. I did not, could not think of what to say. He thought I was beautiful? No one had ever told me that before. Sure my mom said I was handsome, but I did not really believe her. I did not think I was ugly, mind you, but certainly not beautiful. The fact that he thought that about me was incredible.
As I stared, he moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me and kissed me again, passionately. This kiss was very different than the first two. It was so full of quiet energy and power. I felt engulfed by the strength of his arms. I could smell his masculine scent, pure and natural, not covered up with heavy colognes. Just him. It was like he was washing over me like waves breaking on a seashore. So ordinary, but perfect and terrific at the same time. I felt like I belonged right there in his arms. Nothing had ever felt so right.
We continued kissing and caressing each other for about twenty minutes. He was so gentle and aware of the size difference between the two of us, careful not to crush me under his weight as we lay together on his bed. Finally, we stopped and he reluctantly said, "It's getting late. If we keep this up you'll never get home and I'll never get started on my homework."
"I know." I sighed "It's just going to be hard to concentrate on anything else for the rest of the day."
"Well at least you're almost done with your homework. I haven't even begun." He said with a laugh.
"Alright, for the sake of your grades, I'll go. But I won't be happy about it." I said playfully.
"I promise to make it up to you tommorow, after practice. Hey by the way, bring you rackets with you to school and some clothes for tennis. I'll introduce you to the coach. He'll probably want to see what you can do. By the time you're done, I should be through with practice. We'll spend time together afterward."
"Great!" I said.
"Listen Danny," He said seriously, "I don't know where this is headed. But I know that I like you a lot. I'm certainly attracted to you and you are to me. And from the look of things we are pretty compatible personality wise. But let's take things slowly. I'm afraid if either or both of us rushes things, we could mess up whatever it is that we have. Football season is pretty long and will take up a lot of my time. But I'm used to that. I can juggle the schedule to fit you into it. You are also going to be busy. Ellsworth does a lot of stuff with its freshman class to get them to bond and become a part of the school tradition. It will take up a lot of your time along with classes and sports. Do you think you can handle that?"
"Yeah, Zach. I know that you will be busy for the next few months. And I was prepared for the heavy schedule before I came to Ellsworth. As long as I get to have time with you, I'll be happy."
"Great." He said smiling. "Then you'd better head on home. I'll see you tommorow. Hey would you like to ride on the subway with me again?"
"Sure, I was thinking about that. That will be more time we'll have to spend together. I leave home at 7:30. That should put me at you stop at about 7:35."
"Cool. Then I'll meet you then. Now come here and kiss me."
I stepped into his arms and kissed him passionately. Then he led me upstairs and took me the front door. Hugging me he said, "I really enjoyed the time we spent together today Danny. It was really special."
"I enjoyed it too Zach."
He kissed me lightly and then opened the door for me. I stepped out and turned to wave goodbye to him. He waved back and watched me as I walked down the street toward the subway station. When he was out of sight, I smiled to myself and daydreamed of Zach and our first kiss.
To Be Continued
I hope all of you like this story. It is my first. I'd like to continue it if I get enough response. Please send your comments, suggestions or criticisms to scribeman76@aol.com. I'd really appreciate any feedback you have to offer.