Just the Way I Am by Amy Brett
Honey, you just have to understand. This is just the way I am. The way I always have been.
The only way I can make you believe me is to start at the beginning. I really mean the beginning.
My mommy told me the story when I was 16 and I finally asked why she hated men so.
One of her earliest memories was a combination of the smell of whiskey breath as her father kissed her goodnight and rubbed his roughened finger across her clitoris. Later, it became a finger inside her and, as her breasts began to develop early, fingers rolling and playing with her nipples.
She wasn't bitter about it. Most of it, I should say. Actually, her eyes sparkled and smiled at the memories of her father tucking her in from those first times before she started school all the way through her eleventh birthday. That was when she told me it changed. On her birthday. His gift was to "make me a proper woman," she said.
That became a nightly ritual for the next few months. Until the "accident". The "accident", of course, was when I was conceived.
She told her mother first but didn't tell her who the father was. When her father came home that night, he threw a very loud, drunken fit. Of course he didn't take credit for the baby or even allow any discussion of the father. What he did in the next day was make her feel like trash, totally mystifying her and alienating her at the same time.
She fled his promises to have the baby aborted and threats to keep her away from men for the rest of her life. So, at eleven and a half, mommy found herself on the streets of a big city. She never said where she started. Just that it was a big city. Just like she never told me where my grandfather and grandmother lived.
A "man" who was probably about 18 "rescued" her from the streets. She never mentioned his name but it was always obvious that she truly had been rescued and that she was truly grateful to the man for doing it. It didn't bother her at all that he made love to her once or twice a day until her pregnancy had advanced to the final month. And it didn't bother her that he introduced her to anal sex as a replacement. Oral sex had been on the menu from the first day of her rescue.
You've met mommy so you know what she's like. All that excitement and laughter in that 5 foot body. And you know how she loves to flaunt her sexy hips, tiny waist, and big tits. I love her long long hair and have brushed it for her since I was little. You think she's beautiful too don't you?
Anyway, as soon as she had me, he put her to work. It was pretty doubtful that he had more vision than to find her a place on the street to get picked up but he did give her a little bit of an education. She literally learned how to fuck and suck like a pro.
Unluckily, about that time she met another man who saw her real potential but was very mean to her. That's the unlucky part. That he liked to beat her up when she didn't work hard enough to do things he told her to do. The good part was that he showed her how to go to the better hotels and other places where the real money is. Since she was so young and sweet looking, she was being paid hundreds of dollars just to let people take pictures of her. She made thousands for sleeping with them for a night. Most of it went to the man, of course, but she learned and soon escaped to another city.
Using some money she'd kept for her efforts, she got us a decent room for a while, she told me. Then, as she established herself in the new city, moved up to a nice apartment. With makeup and the right clothes, she could look like she was old enough to have a baby and have all the money she had. Besides, money always talks and people ignored her youth in return for extra money.
With the money going to us, we were soon living in the lap of luxury, as she always says about the apartment we still own. I was just over a year old and my mother was into a six digit income.
At first, she told me, she wanted to buy all sorts of things. But after she'd bought the best furniture and TV's and stereos and appliances, there just wasn't anything else she needed. She bought a car and hired a man to introduce her to guys in hotels or upscale bars who also drove the car. After all, she wouldn't be able to get a driver's license for several years.
The man was a good idea. I called him Uncle Mike and so did mommy. He acted as a pimp for mommy, of course, but the relationship was different than most pimps'. Instead of him telling her what to do, she told him and paid him well for his trouble. Sometimes he came home with mommy and stayed the night with us.
From when I was about one, mommy decided that she wanted to spend as much time as possible with me. I think that was because of one lady that took care of me and didn't do a good job. Anyway, my very earliest memories were of uncles who came home with her or just came to the door.
She treated them like uncles (sometimes daddies or friends of daddy) and I was always just one of the family. Sometimes we'd wrestle in the living room or watch TV together or eat together or even sleep together. Always, mommy would end up with her little girl dress lifted up high, kissing the man's big penis, and letting him make love to her. Sometimes the men suggested that I join but that didn't come for a long time. I'll tell you about that too.
That explains the mechanics of our life but not our special relationship.
Mommy breast fed me. It started off that a doctor told her that was best for me and, of course, she had a lot of milk. The more I sucked, the more milk she developed and the bigger her youthful breasts and nipples got. It was a tossup, she told me later, whether the men best liked her surprisingly big nipples, sizeable breasts, or the taste of milk.
She told me she sort of developed a love of a little pain when I got my teeth. She always laughs when she says that but I think she might be serious because she does like pain in moderation.
From the earliest times, nap time is just for us. We've always taken all our clothes off and napped together. From when I was born, I guess, I find her nipple and suck until I fall asleep and, often, wake with it still between my teeth. One of the things I like so much is that before we fall asleep, I always feel her shudder with her orgasms.
Of course, we also sleep together when one of the uncles isn't in bed with her.
The other thing is that every morning from when I was born, mommy and I take our bath. We lay in the bathtub together for the longest time and soak in the sweet smelling water. Of course it's a little girl smell some kind of flowers but its nice. All the way from when I was a tiny baby, she washes every inch of me with special attention between my legs. And after she's done rinsing me, she always tastes me all over so she knows I'm really clean.
I don't know when the first time I had an orgasm from the way mommy tastes me but she says I "responded" when I was little tiny.
I don't remember when I started tasting her and washing her either. But I was little enough that she says I treated her clitoris just like a nipple and sometimes I fell asleep nursing there instead of on a breast. Pretty cool, huh?
Right from the start, mommy dressed me in pretty, bright things and spent lots and lots of time brushing my hair. I've always loved the feeling of pretty panties and silky slips and fluffy, lacy dresses.
I never ever thought about playing boy games like some of the little girls did. I knew I didn't want to compete with them and I'd a lot more like to play with dollies and dress-up. I've worn shorts, of course, but mommy never did buy me a pair of slacks or Levis. And the only times my hair was cut was at the beauty shop to just straighten it up. That's why it's so long. I didn't actually get it cut for length until it reached my waist like it is now. I've sort of kept it this length since.
I was either eight or nine when the man told mommy that he'd pay anything to have my virginity. Mommy said it was enough that we could have lived off that pretty comfortably for a year. I'm not sure how much it was but it was a lot. It hurt really bad. Probably because I was so little. But it was worth it, I think.
Anyway. The next morning was when mommy put me on birth control pills. "You're not going to get pregnant when you're too young like I did," she told me. "From now on, we'll both take the pills every day so it won't happen. It doesn't matter that the uncles use condoms with us. We still use the pills, too." That was okay with me.
I guess maybe about a year later my breasts started forming and the nipples got bigger. They just kept growing and growing. You know? Well, I guess you can see.
Anyway, during that year I guess mommy sold my "virginity" about 50 times. She never asked for the same amount as that first time but I made more than she did that year. I also got to be a really good actor since I had to act like it hurt and that I was really scared even though it got so I really really liked it. And, of course, I got really good at giving blowjobs. The guys really liked for me to do that even if they couldn't afford to take my "virginity."
Mommy tried to teach me at home for a long time but she just really didn't know enough for that to last. She did okay with the basics that she'd learned in school. Maybe even better than public schools would have provided. I read when I was four and could write decently when I was six. I drew pictures that were probably better than kids my age in school. I knew about governments and history and geography better than most by the time I was nine. I could add and subtract when I was six and worked with mommy to keep our books and balance the checkbooks.
Both of us knew about making investments of all sorts just because we needed to. With more than a million dollars between us, we did a lot of investing. Mommy helped me but the decisions were always mine and I had to know what I was doing to make decent decisions.
When I got interested in art and music, we visited museums and went to concerts. We bought books and lots of tapes and then CD's. Even if I didn't want to, we always watched the news on TV and read the newspapers.
Mommy probably isn't really smart but she's very sharp. She says the most important thing she wanted to teach me was that there is a lot more I don't know than that I do but that I can look up a lot of stuff. That means we spent a lot of time in libraries and museums and, when computers really got going, on the computer with educational programs and then on the Internet even before most people called it that.
When I was ten, mommy sent me to public school and I tested a year ahead of my age group. The reason I was in school, of course, was that I'd pretty much exhausted mommy's schooling or, at least, she thought that was true. From then on, we did my homework together and she learned with me.
A lot changed when I went to school, but two things didn't.
The first thing was that my wardrobe was still exclusively pink, white, and pastel colors of green and blue and yellow with lots of lace and frills. I wore socks with little girl edges and heels that never exceeded 2 inches but were always "dressy." I didn't own a pair of flat shoes (penny loafers finally) until I was 16. My hair was always long and blond but sometimes it was in ringlets and sometimes straight with bangs. Sometimes it was in long single or double ponytails and just a few times in braids.
In other words, I was always very feminine and younger looking even than my tender years. That was so true that the only times she was mad at me while I was growing up was the few times that I got too "tomboyish" and got my dresses dirty.
The second thing was that, even though we didn't need to for the money by then, mommy and I still worked at least a few times a week. Usually we had dates on weekends, even going out to movies or dinner with our clients and, a lot of times, as guys' daughters. Remember than mommy was only in her early 20's in those days and looked much younger.
A lot of times, we did parties of all kinds. A lots of guys' favorite was the "kids parties" we did where we were supposed to be the birthday girls and often mommy was having her "sweet sixteen". I liked those because we got lots of cute presents and lots of hugs and kisses. I liked the cake and ice cream too. The uncles always got blow jobs or the best fucks at those, too, of course.
The most fun for me was when a very rich uncle wanted me to stay for a weekend. Those times, they treated me like their very favorite niece, took me to movies and wonderful dinners out, dancing sometimes, and had me stay in their big beds or their daughters' beds. Every time, they gave me baths and frilly nighties and held me on their laps as we watched videos.
Those were particularly fun when they included the uncles' wives or, a few times, young daughters or sons.
Always, there lots and lots of pictures and even a few times when there was nothing except the pictures. A few times, mommy and I were hired just to pose for "photography clubs" of guys who wanted nothing except the pictures of us in all sorts of poses. It was pretty fun to do those and we made a lot of money doing it, but I liked the sex a lot and missed it if there wasn't any at all.
The most money either of us made was for the s and m parties. I didn't like them at all because the uncles tied me up and hurt me. But mommy got so she liked that sometimes. She even served a party of men and women naked where she had to do anything that anyone wanted. For most people, what they paid her for that weekend would have been enough to live on for years. But it also took her a couple of weeks before all the little hurts on her body were all gone. I sort of nursed her for that time until she felt good again. It surprised me when she told me that the women had done the nastiest things to her.
Meanwhile, things started happening to me at school.
When I was twelve, a guy a couple years older hassled me really bad, making fun of the way I dressed and, one time, pinching my nipple really hard. The next day, I found a high school guy I'd met once and hired him to talk to the guy. When he came back to school a few days later, he didn't bother me again. He not only didn't bother me again, he never even talked to me again or got close to me.
I started high school when I was thirteen, early still. About a month later, I was asked to be a junior varsity pom pom girl. Both mommy and I saw how strange it was that the pom pom girl outfit with opposite colors to the cheerleaders but the same style, was the most adult outfit I owned.
Unlike my "other life," I got more interest from guys on the days when I had my uniform on than on the others. For one thing, the uniform's sweater showed off my pretty good sized bosom better than my dresses or blouses did.
I still think it was pretty strange that mommy wouldn't let me date that first year in high school. The only thing I did was go to a place where a lot of the kids hung out after school to have Cokes and french fries. There, a guy talked me into being his steady and, like a lot of teenagers, we hung out together, ate lunch together, and held hands in the halls at school. The furthest we ever went sexually was some fairly deep necking sessions.
Somehow it's very bazaar that on one hand I couldn't date and only kissed while on the other I was letting adult men and women do almost anything with my body except hurt me. Mommy and I even went with one of the high school teachers. Not one of my teachers but one I saw every now and then in the halls.
I'm sure you can see how strange my life was sometimes, can't you, darling?
When I turned fifteen and started my junior year, my mom said I could date and, like a lamp being turned on, I started getting guys at school asking me out all the time. I suppose a lot of that was because the first guy I went out with, a high school senior, wanted me to give him a blowjob and I did it. Some of the guys wanted to see my breasts and play with them or suck them. Since I've always like that a lot, I let them of course.
I suppose I was a slut and probably had a pretty wide spread reputation for being easy but it didn't bother me. I went out a lot and had a good time with guys. I suppose if anything is a surprise it's that nobody even tried to fuck me until my senior year, when I was sixteen.
Since I was young for a senior, I went out with quite a few seniors. But that year I started going out with guys from the college in town too. I let the first guy fuck me -- socially instead of business -- about Christmas. For the rest of the school year and summer, I went out a lot. Sometimes two or three times a week and almost always got fucked. But there were only two guys that I went out with a lot, a college senior and a younger guy who worked at a health spa in town.
In a way, except for being seduced instead of paid, it was quite a bit like business, if you know what I mean. The real difference was that they were pushing where we went instead of me being expected to do it like I did with business.
I told you I always liked the sex, after the first couple of times anyway. But that sex was ten times better than all but a few of the business times.
I guess I was too young and, if you can believe it with all my experience, naive to be surprised that no one said anything. It either says something about how good I am or how afraid all those guys were of anyone else finding out.
What do you think, honey?
This is just the way I am, honey, that's all there is to it. Do you understand now?
This is just the way it is. I'm seventeen. I'm almost through my freshman year here at the university. I have some money. I live with mommy still. I have a great wardrobe. I've had a lot of ... interesting experiences. I promise you that I can show you ways to fuck and suck you can't even imagine.
So why do you think I need to see a doctor before the wedding next weekend? I mean I've talked several times with psychiatrists before. Usually in a bedroom. But I just don't understand why you think I need that before the wedding.
It can't be just because I'm really a boy.