"The Unwritten Handbook"
By Justin
The names of people, places and events are fictional; any resemblance is purely coincidental
The following story begins mild with a common touch. It takes an erotic turn as it progresses, and a read that many gays can identify with. I hope you stay with it.
Nifty brings this story to you like thousands of others, please, if you can, contribute to the Nifty fund to keep us writing and keep you reading. Thanks Justin
"The story"
The northeast has complications the same as other parts of the USA. This however is not about the northeast complications but instead focuses on people with haunting mysterious realism, is the best way to describe it.
People came, every October, to breathe again autumn in Vermont.
An Autumn Festival managed to bring out the best in people. Folks were friendly neighborly and for once, no politics tarnished people's attitude. As things began returning to normal, it was back to the agenda requiring untold work as never expected. The covid pandemic was fading into history.
Students and town's people played a role by volunteering for setting up scenery, and theatrical auditions with wantabee young actors on stage, for the festival.
John Lathers had just hung up the phone as Kyle walked into his office. John was the drama coach and musical director at Knoxson Community College in Burlington Vermont. He sat there quietly thinking never seeing Kyle standing a few feet away.
"Sir," said Kyle quietly as was his manner of speaking.
"Sit down, Kyle," said Mr. Lathers. I have some good news and some unfortunate news. What would you like to hear first?"
"The unfortunate news," replied Kyle
"Unfortunately," began John Lathers, there will be no play this year for the Autumn Festival – But the good news – well there is no good news."
"How come?" asked Kyle
"How come what?" said John. "You mean the play being cancelled?"
"Of course"
"The play I want to do needs changes that I have no time to do, but that is minor with this group of talented people. My real drawback is the festival committee rejected the play.
"Why?" asked Kyle "Why would they turn down a donated event?"
They want a gay character in the cast making it more inclusive. I like the idea too, but where can I find somebody gay at this late date? We have a few men in the theatre group and nobody wants to tackle playing a gay man," explained John
"I'll do it," said Kyle
"Kyle, you are not an actor." Said John
"True, but I am gay, so I don't need to learn how to do it. I am a natural and I can act. You should see the performance I give in a gay club in Boston when I get hit on," he blurted out almost bragging
"You will have to audition and read for the part?"
"I'll do it – I'll do it," said Kyle
"Maybe...just maybe. Let me see what I can do," explained John looking at Kyle in a way he never noticed before.
Kyle was young, medium height with a good-looking body and attractive enough to draw attention to himself. However, could he act? That was the question.
John wrote the play with input from his drama class. It was about a young man who comes to an elderly widow's house to clean walls and polish floors.
It was not written as gay and actually a comedy; however, John was about to change that. He added a gay nephew to the story and the rest just fell in line.
Although some parts could stand a little help, it was not the worst in the world, but typically amusing with fifty shades of "fucked up" comedy.
Kyle briskly walked down the long corridor in Cooper Hall on the way to performing arts. Acting gay was certainly not difficult for him to do. "This should be a breeze," he thought.
"Wait up," yelled Otto, who was friendly with screwed up ideas. He was a former part time student and man about town, volunteering for the Autumn Festival. Nothing unusual there, it was made up of volunteers.
"Where the fuck you going in such a rush? Is that too much to ask"
"Watch the language," said Kyle "I am wearing the Star of David"
"Don't lose your cookies. Folks talk that way and sometimes I sound shameless when I am trying to be friendly. What is with the `Star of David," he inquired. "I didn't know you are Jewish."
"I'm not; I was joshing you looking for a response."
"That is not cool. You're a jackass without even trying," said Otto
"Lathers, is holding auditions for the Festival play. He had to add a gay character, so as not to offend anybody. Did you ever, in your whole freakin life, hear of such crap? I am going to read for the part," said Kyle.
"Of course you are, you should fit right in," said Otto obviously making fun of Kyle being gay.
"Anybody can try out jackass, you don't have to have talent; even you providing you understand English," He continued giving Otto a tiny dig.
"I will go with you, who knows? I can act like a faggot. What's so hard about that?" he said
"Nah it's about a gay person. Not a faggot,"
"Same thing," replied Otto
"Oh brother, that takes some doing, but you won't get that part," said Kyle
"I am too straight looking, huh?" mumbled Otto
"That's right. You make me want to jump right out of my flip flops - Just shut up – come on, if you're coming"
"Well that can't be good," replied Otto now laughing at Kyle. "I know how you fruity dudes love those flip flops."
"The only thing you know is how to run your nasty mouth on a day to day basis."
"Not nice Kyle – not nice, responded Otto, shaking his finger like scolding a little boy.
"You're right; I should be more sensitive to someone who is a little vacant intellectually"
Take it easy, you'll live longer," replied Otto ending the silly bickering.
John Lathers was mistaken thinking nobody would want to play a gay character. It was just the opposite...
There were surprisingly nine males reading for the part. Even straight football players wanted to play the gay man named `Jerry'
Several men were better looking and better actors than Kyle – who knew" Everyone handed a script and one by one, each person read struggling to be convincing.
Kyle was the last to read and feeling mildly depressed, he read a paragraph ending with the following line...
"I am not going... (Pause) anywhere, Mrs. Lewis. I am not up to it just yet." he read rubbing his hands together looking disturbed, and a little upset. It was simple, but effective and his voice was perfect reading down on the last word creating mystery in his voice...
Everybody looked at one another feeling the depth that came pouring out of his mouth reading such a simple line as a gay man. It was evident that John Lathers had found his "Jerry" although there was no decision on that yet...
Otto has to say a few lines, reading for Jerry, as well as, the delivery boy. He sounded convincing, but not especially genuine. He was better being the grocery boy, but there was no decision on that part either.
"Okay folks that is it for today. The results will be posted outside my office on the bulletin board tomorrow." John announced
Cast members can pick up a copy of the play in my office and read, read, read. Rehearsals begin on Wed at 9:00 am.
Kyle went outside and sat on the stone steps looking at Cooper Hall. He wanted to inhale some passing moments, in order to collect his thoughts about the audition.
The play written by John Lathers, was weak and junky. The word `amateur' came to mind the more Kyle thought about it. It was silly adding a gay character; it just did not fit the story. John knew that, but still he did it, although not by choice.
"So what do you think?" said Otto sitting down beside Kyle on the wide stone steps. "That was easy"
"Good –good, yeah it was okay." Mumbled Kyle almost choking on words he didn't believe
"You are so full of shit. You did not like that audition." said Otto "Acting is believing and you did not believe the words you read.
"People are complicated," he continued "It is fictional coming across as ridiculous and who cares? I am not a polished actor, but I think the audience will get a laugh out of it. They can't bitch too much, the damn thing is free."
Kyle did not know Otto that well. He knew he was straight with a girlfriend, and that about covered his achievements. Otto was hardly someone to make memories with, as far as Kyle was concerned. He was too outspoken and rude. He had a good body, but good bodies are everywhere.
"You're correct up to a point. Jerry is a gay character in the mix of straight characters," agreed Kyle. Maybe `silly' is what John intended giving it a gay touch without the smut."
"A-huh, simple for sure," mumbled Otto, pulling his underwear from the crack of his ass hoping nobody, noticed what he just did.
"Kyle, a little stunted on thinking, wondered if his underwear had skid marks. A dumb thing to wonder about, but Kyle liked to wonder about issues that were not relevant. He was an expert on nothing, but had an answer for everything. Who knew?
In the skit, Otto played the straight delivery boy and Jerry the gay domestic helper polishing floors.
There was eye contact in a scene with Otto, moving quickly to touching. The funny lines written by John, poked fun at gays in a comical way. It lacked realism but stacked with laughs, so it worked and nobody got offended.
Otto objected to the closing scene where he had to kiss Kyle on the mouth. He told John who directed the play. "I ain't gonna kiss a faggot" He knew it was acting, but did not want to do it with his girlfriend in the audience. He was such a goober.
"Get a grip man," said John. "For Christ sake, this is acting and you are playing a part – not living a life style"
"Kiss him," said John giving Kyle a little push forward.
"Now?" mumbled Otto
"No, on New Year's Eve, you dumb fuck – kiss Kyle "We will practice until it looks real." Said John
They managed to kiss one another but it looked like two chickens pecking at each other's beaks. It was meaningless and funny to watch. It was hilarious antics.
John suddenly stood up and yelled... "that's it" We do not want a real kiss, we need a jackass kiss to leave the audience laughing. Laughter is the object of the whole damn thing, I should have realized that right off," he concluded
John was a true admirer of Mel Brooks and knew every line to `Blazing Saddle' He was on a role now changing serious comments, to laughable blunders.
"All that kissing was awkward and goofy, but good comedy. "Said Kyle,
"After all, kissing was in the script." Everyone has a story to tell... "Oh, what a tangle web we weave"
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