Hey everyone, sorry for my late post. I was up in Northern California playing my own Frisbee Tournament. I hope you all had a great weekend. Now back to the story:
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FUCK! This was NOT how things were meant to play this week! I had not seen him for what, at least 4 months? 5 months? It was hard to remember the last time I saw his face. That sweet smile that he used to show came flooding back to me as I lay on the bed trying to relax.
Opening my eyes to look up at the ceiling, I could not shake the image of his eyes, those sweet ocean blue eyes. The way they seemed to glimmer under the sun earlier today was so romantic.
Slamming my head back and forth against the bed, I shut my eyes to burn out his face. "GHAA!!" I cry out in agony. As I lean my head back against the bed one last time, a tear starts to drip out of my eye, trailing down the side of my face to drop onto my ear. "SCREW YOU CHRIS!" I scream out in a torn pain, the hurt love that I still feel for him ripping my heart apart.
Ever since I screwed up, things were not the same between us. And rightfully so. I deserved to be hated. Though I never got to talk with Chris! While I didn't deserve to have him back I could at least smooth things out. Or try right? Well he hasn't given me the chance. Ever.
Yea I tried to move on past him, getting myself a boyfriend and trying to find that flame but Leon just wasn't the guy. Leon turned out to be a rebound guy, a fling that I needed to have because of what I lost. After my crash though, Leon left me, making me feel all alone. I wanted to talk with someone, anyone, but I felt so alone.
That was part of the reason why I left Fullerton to go with Irvine. I mean yea I had Ellie but short of a few others, there was no one that I was really close with on the team. And then Victoria. She is a great player and means well but her social skills need help from time to time.
It felt great to play on Irvine for the last semester, the lack of Chris refreshing and the new league inviting. I didn't encounter any backlash when I told the team I am gay, in fact it made the team cohesiveness stronger. Also with Chris not being there, I was able to actually focus on the game, not so much him. Before the breakup, we were equals. He always seemed to know when and where I would cut and I to him. It was almost a dance for the two of us when we played.
With him gone though, I was forced to change up my methods, learning new patterns and cuts. I was able to lose my marks so easily when I ran; evading them with every turn I took.
But now Chris was back. Not just that, he said that Fullerton wanted me back. I watched them perform and he didn't lie when he said they were crap, cause it was the truth, they really were crap. Even that conversation we had was extremely awkward. I really wanted to say more but I didn't know how. I didn't want to come off as this sappy dude, wanting to make up for all the mistakes we made and get back together. To be honest, it hurt when I talked with him, neither of us telling our true feelings. I could tell he was still pissed at me.
Looking over to the bathroom, I saw my roommate Kevin walk out of the bathroom. We were getting ready for a team meeting and he wanted to freshen up. After our long day of playing we were all sweaty and sandy, grains of the beach in places that should have never been reached. "What do I do?" I ask him, knowing he knew exactly who I was talking about.
He was my best friend on the team, the guy who came to me when they were at their lowest. They had since rebounded, gaining a lot of new players and some experienced ones coming back after making time for the team. I had confided in him everything about Chris, especially since he was my childhood friend. Kevin sat down on the bed, his brunette hair mopping over his teal green eyes. Kevin was slightly stocky but completely built; a wrestler back in high school. "Well Kyle, I guess it kind of boils down to the fact of do you actually love him?"
That was the question that I didn't want to face but Kevin always seemed to call it as it was. He was very straightforward, probably his best and worst trait. Groaning out, I look back up at the roof. "Well yea, in a way, but I think I hurt him too much. I really fucked him up really bad. It was a stupid mistake."
Kevin sat on the edge of the plaid bed, his beefy legs hanging barely off the ground. Yea he may be short but what he lacks in height he makes up in speed. "Have you tried talking to him?"
Moving back into a sitting position, I position myself on the edge of the bed to look at him. "Yea I have, well kind of. We talked. But not about us. It was more about me joining back up with Fullerton. But it's not that easy. You know that."
Before Kevin could say much more, there was a knocking on the door. Getting up to answer it, Kevin looks over to me. "We are not done with this conversation." Opening up the door, the team captain, Jamie, informed us that we were all meeting up for a team talk.
Getting up to follow them to Jamie's room, we followed him in as he opened the door. Inside his room, a direct replica of our room, the entire team was there, all 14 of us. Jamie wanted to bring as many players as possible, mostly in case we had any injuries or to have as many subs as possible.
Being tall and lanky, Jamie seemed to fit that team captain role. He had some slight facial hair on his chin, the red coating distinguishing from his white skin. Being tall at 6 foot 2, he seemed to tower over everyone, looking us all in the eyes as he took middle room. "Great job today guys. From the way things are looking we are probably going to get seeded pretty nicely."
Jamie seemed to captivate the team in a way that Victoria could not. While he demanded respect, he did it in a way that worked with the team. He was part of the team, not above it. My phone trilled in my pocket, interrupting the conversation. Pulling it out to silence it, I saw that it was a text message from Ellie. "Hey we need to talk."
Shooting off a quick text back, I put the phone back in my pocket. "Sure when?"
Before a minute had passed, Ellie texted back, and I knew it was her, pulling out the phone and seeing her name on the screen. "NOW"
Looking up to Jamie, who had moved on a little bit, I stand up and scoot over to the door. "Hey Jamie, I need to go talk with my friend. I think it's urgent."
Jamie just nodded his head, seemingly understanding my exit from the group. As I made my way to the door, Jamie called out to me, "Hey don't forget karaoke in 15 minutes." Smiling out to him, I thought of how much fun it could be to sing tonight. Maybe that could relax me a little bit.
Ellie was down in the lobby waiting for me, our two teams surprisingly having chosen the same hotel. We had run into each other once but we really didn't have must time to talk the last time. She looked beaten, and given how much she had to play today, it was totally understandable. Victoria was next to her as well, equally if not more shot, a drained look on her face, one of complete exhaustion.
"Hey guys what's up?" I asked as I moved towards them. They were sitting, well more lying, in the lobby chairs, their bodies flung out like dolls. They had changed into their street clothes, Ellie sporting a Led Zeppelin shirt, barely cut off above her navel. Victoria was more dressed up, a simple yellow dress that seemed to compliment her brunette eyes. Wrapped around her waist was a vibrant red belt, the simple accessory adding flair to the dress.
Victoria stood up as I moved closer, extending her hand to shake mine. Ellie only moved forward in her chair, stretching her back as she arched herself. Resting her arms on the armrests, she looks up at me. Victoria was very direct, "Kyle we need you back." There was no groveling no polite asking nothing. Then she showed her emotions, a twinge of fear of losing showing through. "Sorry, Kyle, I didn't mean it like that. I am just so stressed out right now I am getting desperate. You were the first guy I thought of."
It was there, she was actually begging, well in her own way. "But I'm with Irvine Vic." I wanted to come back and play but my team was now Irvine. I couldn't just up and switch teams. That wouldn't be cool. Or right.
Ellie got up and, with more fire that either she or I were expecting, blasted me, "Kyle, they will be fine. You that, we know that. This is actually about Chris." She instantly shut up and turned away, not meaning to call me out in the way she did.
Blurting out myself, "No it's not!... well completely." I looked down in shame. It was partly the reason why I left.
Ellie turned around, a smirk on her face, "You know he wanted to talk with you?" Victoria knew everything that was going on but she stayed silent.
I could only reply, and very lacklusterly I might add, "We did talk... about Fullerton." I tried to be coy but Ellie saw right through it. Victoria as well.
Victoria moved towards me, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Think it over. We could really use your help."
Before I could reply, my team appeared from the elevator, the large noise of chatter radiating off the walls. "Hey Kyle you coming?" Jamie called out as they slowed down.
Looking at Victoria, I deflected her plea, "We are heading out to karaoke. Can we talk it over there?"
Victoria hung her shoulders in defeat, knowing I would not give a definite answer any time soon. "Yea, we were heading there as well. Let me get our team to head down then we will head out."
The karaoke bar was packed. While it was normally a 21 and over drinking pub the universities in San Diego had managed to get it lowered just for this week. Looking around as I entered I was relieved to see that Chris was not there, nor any of his team, especially Ally. The last thing I needed from her was to talk with me about her brother.
Moving towards an open seating area, I reflected on how she was disappointed in me when I was caught with Steven. Things were a bit awkward between the two of us but she managed to keep a managerial relationship between us. After Steven moved out and I got with Leon things started to improve between Ally and me. I distinctly remember talking with her after I was punched by Chris that I would ask that she not interfere with my life. If Chris wanted to talk with me he should be the one to do it not her.
She totally agreed with my sentiment and didn't talk about Chris too much after that. Earlier this semester though I knew he had done something to her as she was crying to her roommate about something he had done to her. I wasn't able to get the full jest of it but from what I could hear, he had had drunk sex with her boyfriend. I was disgusted at the thought of Chris stooping to that low but then I thought of how low I had dropped myself. I did try to help her out a little bit but I could only go so far. With the Chris censor installed, we avoided the topic of him as much as possible.
I did manage to bring up her boyfriend and how he probably still did love her. Speaking from experience I told her it was best if she gave him a second chance, or at least hear him out. That was something I was not able to give to Chris, or something that he did not allow me; the chance and need to talk.
Watching the singers perform, I was impressed with how good they were. I knew I had potential and while I had done it a long time ago, it had been a while since I had been behind a microphone. Sitting back and relaxing, I closed my eyes to listen to the singing. Before I could relax too much though, my arm was grabbed and I was dragged out of the seat.
Opening my eyes in surprise and yelping in the process, I look to see who my mystery kidnapper was. Ellie was pulling me towards the bar, though not for a drink. A large white book was sitting there, a glow from the roof light making it look like a holy book. "Come on Kyle this will be fun."
"Ellie! You've got to be joking! I haven't sung in a long time!" I cry out as we arrive at the ledge. Looking back at the crowd, I wonder if it would actually be a good idea if I actually sang.
Ellie opened it up and started scanning the song list, "That's better than half the singers here. Come on, just humor me." The bartender looked over at me, shrugging his shoulders to agree with her.
Sighing, I cave in and look over the list. Flipping the pages a few times, I can't find any that really sing out to me. Then my eyes fall upon an ironic song. Placing my finger under the artist and title I motion to Ellie. "This song is my life right now." I snort out in dark humor.
Ellie lights up. "That's perfect! You can sing it too. I have heard you sing her song before so you can definitely do it again. Do it for yourself Kyle." She rests her hand on my chest, the palm of her hand right on my heart. Her topaz eyes coax me into it, a mistake that I know is going to happen.
Lowering my head in submission, I locate a pen and paper and write down the title. Handing it to the bartender, he moves it to the DJ who nods his head to show he has the song. Ellie smiles in anticipation of my impending doom. Sullenly I walk back to the table and wait for my turn. Ellie puts in a song as well and skips over to me. "I can't wait for it. Smile Kyle come on."
I didn't have to wait long before the DJ announced my name. "Up next is Kyle singing Taylor Swift's "Story of US". There were a few grumbles at the title of the song, especially since it had been played a lot. But this was going to be different. This was going to be from my heart.
Moving up to the stage, I looked over the audience. A few people gasped, lightly I might add, when they saw how muscular I was. They were originally probably expecting some scrawny guy to peep out this song, not some manly man. Holding the mic, I watched as the verses started.
"I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us, How we met and the sparks flew instantly, People would say, "They're the lucky ones." I used to know my place was a spot next to you, Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat, 'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on."
Closing my eyes I thought back to the day I first met Chris, when cornered him on the elevator. He looked a little worried over something and I figured that by flirting with him I could raise his spirits a little bit. It seemed to work too because we did manage to see each other again, the dance club of all places. We seemed to work so perfectly when we danced, the syncing of our rhythm so perfect it was great. Then I had to fuck it up. Opening my eyes up, I read the next line. Taking a deep breath, I face my demons and speak out,
"Oh, a simple complication, Miscommunications lead to fall-out. So many things that I wish you knew, So many walls that I can't break through,"
It was one of the stupidest mistakes I could have ever made. I was super horny the day I fucked Steve, but that is not an excuse. I was stupid and impulsive. I should have told him how distant I was feeling from him. I felt we were drifting apart and I didn't want it.
"Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking, And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah? I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down, And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now."
Next chapter."
Things were going great when I finally was able to get him out of my mind. This entire semester had been great without the drama. But somehow I missed it. No I missed him.
"How'd we end up this way? See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy, And you're doing your best to avoid me. I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us, How I was losing my mind when I saw you here, But you held your pride like you should've held me."
It felt stupid when I first saw him. I felt like I didn't know how to react. I should have said something. This song is my words to speak out to him.
Oh, I'm scared to see the ending, Why are we pretending this is nothing? I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how, I've never heard silence quite this loud.
I had already seen the ending. Twice. First with Chris and then with Leon. God if I could see his face right now. I would love to see what he would think of me if he saw me crying out to him. The last verse I hit it a bit high, causing the room to break out in cheering.
"Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking, And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah? I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down, And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now."
Almost done. I looked around the room as I sang the chorus, the words dripping off my lips. This literally was my life. We were going so well, and then things had to change. A simple slip up, a mistake made, words not said. Pausing for the instrumental part, I caught my breath. Prepping for the final few verses, I put the microphone back on the stand.
Then he walked in. Choking up, I saw Chris coming with Long Beach, his eyes flashing wide with fear, the sight of me singing out to him scaring the two of us shitless. He turned and ran out the door before I could say anything. Instead I sang the song, already knowing the words.
"This is looking like a contest, Of who can act like they care less, But I liked it better when you were on my side."
I watched as Pike pulled him back inside. Making direct contact with him I almost seemed to speak the words to him.
"The battle's in your hands now, But I would lay my armor down If you said you'd rather love than fight. So many things that you wished I knew, But the story of us might be ending soon."
A simple tear dripped down my cheek as I ended that part, the thought of us already over killing me. Is there a chance we could restart things?
"Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking, And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah? I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down, And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now."
I couldn't face him. Turning to look away, I focused on Ellie, pain echoing out to her, a slight anger at her for putting me into this. I felt like shit. Here I was showing my emotions to Chris, a guy I still felt strong feelings for.
"And we're not speaking, And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah? I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate 'cause we're going down, And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
The end."
Not even wasting a second to get off the stage, I ran off right to my team, not looking to Chris to see what he was doing. Grabbing my open seat, I placed my hands on my eyes, afraid to look out.
Ellie grabbed my shoulders, and along with Kevin, cheered me on "That was great! Plus he saw part of it!"
Crying out, I whimpered, "I know, that's the worst part... That he saw it. I feel so exposed right now."
Ellie pulled my hands down, "I have the perfect song for you to sing to him now. Trust me." Groaning out I followed her to the bar for this last song.
Chris:
I was horrified. Secluding myself to my corner, I knew Kyle had just sung that we were over. There was no more left between the two of us. That was the final straw. It was time for me to move on.
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Well now this was the final straw... right? It was time we saw things from Kyle's view. A lot has been happening to him since we last saw him and it was the perfect moment to display his emotions out.
I really can't wait till I post the next chapter!!