Well the semester is now kicking into full gear for Chris. It is finally tournament day so let's see how he performs. I hope you all enjoy :-D
I couldn't help but feel frustrated at myself for what I had done to Pike. I really wanted to play the starting line and while I knew I could just call "last back" when we possibly lost our first point, it wouldn't have been right to call out a player on the first loss of a point. The entire Friday I was bothered; the nagging of the upcoming game getting on my nerves. I knew I needed to talk with someone and Michael came to my mind first.
I was happy to find out that he was in his room later that night, Bryson gone out for some drinking party. Michael apparently could have gone but he turned it down to "study" for a test that he didn't have on Monday. Sitting down in his room, it brought back some memories, the fun times that we had had together.
"How are you doing Chris? I've missed talking with you." Michael looked up from his studies, placing his books down past his feet. There was something on his mind that I had a feeling he wanted to talk about but I couldn't get around to asking him, instead being put on the explanation side of the conversation.
"I'm annoyed at Pike right now. I really wanted to make the starting line but he instead put other players on. It's been bugging me and while I know it's not right, I can't shake being mad at Pike." I hadn't told Michael yet about what I had done with Pike and while I probably should have, I didn't want to talk too much about it. In a way though that was probably partly my issue of being irritated with Pike.
Michael just sat there, knowing there was more to the story that I wasn't telling him. "Chris I totally understand where you are coming from, partly the joys of playing on Rugby, but you have to look at it from Pike's perspective as well. He is the team captain. He has to watch over everyone on the team. If he were to start picking favorites then part of the team would begin to feel alienated."
It was starting to sink in that Pike did mean well for the rest of the team, not just me. Michael continued on with his whole leadership explanation, "Sometimes the worst part of being a leader is giving others the change to play. It means that you have to pick and choose who you think deserves to play not just those who are skilled enough to play. It's hard to please everyone Chris."
Sighing heavily, I admitted defeat. It was a simple explanation and hearing it from Michael seemed to cement it in. I needed to let the other's play. I had always been so eager to play that I really hadn't looked out for the others when it came to actually team comradeship. "I guess I have always been kind of a commanding player, even when I sucked. It's just..." Dropping off there I looked back at all the practices and tournaments that I played, focusing on how much of the time I actually played on the field. It was a lot of time.
Looking up to Michael, I felt like I had just complained to him. I felt like a whiner and grumbler. "How are you doing?"
Michael just sat there in his pajamas, the plaid cross cutting of black lines over the deep blue seeming to contrast with his body type. As was normal for Michael when it was night time, he was shirtless; his toned rugby body reminding me of what was no longer accessible. "I'm fine. Things have been a little hectic around campus but I am surviving." There was a glint in his eye that something more was going on and I wanted to prod more from him but from his composure he gave me the impression he wasn't going to talk about it.
Peering into his eyes, I tried to find what he was hiding but it was so mysterious that I was forced to give up. Sighing, I reached out to hug him, letting him know I am here for him whatever it was. "OK, well if you want to talk, I am here for you."
Michael gripped me tight, a sense of the old passion reverberating through his hands. "I know."
Saturday came around and I was in a slightly better mood. Traveling with Bryan and Zach to San Bernardino we had a good conversation of how this was the last tournament before Spring Break. The topic slightly got shifted to spring break and what our plans were, then we all remembered that Pike had mentioned that there is a weeklong tournament down in San Diego that we are attending. It was a double edged sword, our plans for individual fun being squashed while also being raised because we were spending Spring Break in San Diego.
Arriving at Cal State San Bernardino we all piled out and rushed inside to find our group. We were already running late due to traffic and when we found Pike there was a slight scowl on his face for our tardiness. Our first game was against CSU Northridge and as we prepped in a haste to compete, we realized that there was a strong possibility we would win.
Looking down the grassy field, we took note of Northridge and their team. They were a good up and coming team but with us being more established, Pike made sure we had adequate training under our belts, even with all the issues that had been happening.
The game started at 9 o'clock sharp. As I watched the team perform I heard a larger shouting match coming from the court behind me. Looking to see who was competing, I saw that it was Fullerton; their cohesiveness looking a little off than normal. Walking up to their court, I watched as they fought for their point.
It was like watching a train wreck. Normally I would have felt happy that they were playing such a crappy game but I couldn't help but feel bad for them. Ever since Kyle had left all unification had fallen apart; the cracks of the team really showing. Seeing that Ellie was playing, I moved up to the field line and shouted out "Come on Ellie! Come on Fullerton!"
This felt weird me rooting for the rival but they were starting off lousy, a lead by Dominguez Hills of 2 to 0. Granted it was still early in the game, the timer showing just over 15 minutes left, it was not looking to be good for Fullerton.
Looking back at my team it was no surprise to me that we were winning. Northridge had managed to get a point in but the score was still our lead, 3 to 1. Moving back to my field, I watched as we performed. Unlike Fullerton our team seemed to know how everything worked, every cut on point and every pivot extended to its fullest potential. As we gained another point onto our lead, I called out to see if anyone wanted me to sub for them.
Tyler called me in, allowing me to slap his hand as we switched. Moving up to the team, I looked to Rachel as she was the team leader for this game. Playing handler for the team is often times one of the hardest roles, the position of having to organize players and tell them all where to go. Filling in for Tyler I was an end zone player, the one who would either cut short and run long or cut long and come back short for an open pass.
I had no problem losing my mark, the little Hispanic player struggling at times to keep up with me. He looked to be a freshman as well, though not nearly as fit as I was. It seemed like the game flew by, the ten minutes that we had to play seemingly moving faster than a normal minute should. I only took a break once, Pike filling in for me when Northridge managed to score a point.
Walking off the field to allow the next team to play, I moved over to catch my breath and a drink of water. Our stuff was not too far from Fullerton's and as I grabbed my water bottle, I noticed Ellie move up. "Hey how did you guys do?" I asked between gulps.
Ellie was very demoralized, evidence that they didn't fare as well as they had wanted to. "We won but just barely. The final score was 5 to 4." Even with the win it was clear of the frustration in her voice.
Looking over the team, I could tell they were tired. "It's weird not having Kyle on your team. I mean granted he and I didn't end things too well but still he was a great player. He really seemed to bring your team together."
Ellie snorted, showing a slight fire at the statement. "You have no idea. Ever since he left, the moral seemed to have dropped a lot. Victoria is doing her best and the team knows but she can be a bit hard on us."
I didn't know what to say. I mean I felt bad for them, almost kind of responsible even though Kyle left for different reasons. Before I could say anything more, Pike came up to me and pulled me back to the team. We were about to go against Fullerton for the next game and he wanted to give a prep talk to us.
Going against Fullerton was like facing a whole new team. Ellie was not lying that the team moral had all but died on their team. I covered both Ian and Will, possibly their next best players to Kyle but even still I felt I could run circles around them. In a way I did as I performed my cuts, my team working a butterfly formation to work up the field.
Victoria herself seemed depressed, her knowing that her team was almost on the verge of falling apart. In a way we almost started to take it easy on them, since it was clear we were going to win. While we still fought to protect our end zone we allowed them easier passes, forcing them back if they got too close to the goal. As we started to take it easy on them, our sloppiness started to take over, them getting two points in. It didn't help much as we won 10-2 when the game was over.
Shaking hands with them, I felt bad for their loss of power. This once great force was struggling to stay alive. By the end of the weekend, it was clear to see that we had won. CSU Los Angeles was the only other team that was close to beating us but in the end they still lost, the final score of that game 8 to 7. The other teams were not too surprised that we won but we all took it in stride, especially when we had a great enthusiasm behind our games. We encouraged active engagement from other teams and we made it as relaxing as possible.
Unlike my previous rides to and from San Bernardino with Bryan and Zach, my final ride back to Long Beach was with Pike and it was very weird. Looking out the window I reflected on how things had changed between us. Every time we were with a group things seemed to be normal but when we were alone there was an eerie stillness that hung in the air. Finally I had to talk. Turning to look forward at the freeway, I blurted it out, "Pike are we ever going to get back to being normal?"
Pike didn't answer for a few seconds then pulled off the freeway. I knew that when he got off on the wrong off ramp that he did hear. Pulling into a parking lot, he silently turned off the car. I suddenly felt nervous that I had done something wrong. Dread began to fill my stomach. Pike just sat there in his seat before speaking. "What we did was a mistake Chris. I want to forgive you, I really do, but I need to forgive myself first. It's not just that though; Ally is still mad at me, even though we have kind of moved on. I knew she is."
It did hit me hard as the realization slammed upon me as well. Coughing out, I made my statement about Ally, "Yea I haven't really talked with her much since that night. I don't know what to say. Right now I think its best I just give her space."
Pike turned to me and with his deep green eyes; he rested his hand on my shoulder. "Chris, you have heard the saying don't burn your bridges right? Well even when the bridges are completely destroyed, they can be rebuilt. It will take a lot of hard work and effort but it is worth it if you care enough for that person."
We both sat there in the car thinking over our actions before Pike started it back up. It was clear that time would hopefully mend the hurting process but it felt to me that time was only hurting it more. Driving back we managed to talk about the spring break trip and how much fun it was going to be. Pike looked to be super psyched up for it, telling me that over 50 teams will be competing there. That only got me more interested in it, the thought of a weeklong tournament sounding all more appealing.
Dropping me off at the dorms, I looked to Pike as I shut the door. "I hope things work out for you and Ally. I feel bad for causing the problem."
Pike looked out too me, simply saying "I do to. Thank you Chris." It was a solemn statement but I knew he was trying.
Watching as he drove off, I turned to walk into the dorm quad. As I passed the dining hall, I noticed Michael and Skyler chatting off near my former hall. I was completely surprised they knew each other. Moving up to them, and unintentionally interrupting their conversation, I said hi. "Hey Michael, Skyler. I didn't know you two knew each other."
Skyler looked up at me first, his long sleeve shirt hung tight to his skin. It was a typical baseball t-shirt but it seemed to fit Skyler well, the white and black matching with his olive hair. "Hey Chris. Yea we have the same bio class together."
This was a surprise to me. Skyler was an upperclassman, why was he taking biology? "Which bio class? Lower division biology?"
Skyler shrugged his shoulders, "Yea my advisor screwed me over. We both missed it and before I can take any upper division classes I have to finish biology. Michael is my lab partner."
Michael looked up to me, surprised that I knew Skyler as well. He was wearing his typical Abercrombie clothing, the polo shirt his signature style. "How do you know Skyler Chris?"
I was at a loss for what to say. Umm yea I helped Skyler come back from being suicidal. That is not something that I would really want to say. Stammering, I try to find the right words to say. Looking to Skyler, I formulate the wrong words.
Skyler thankfully comes to my help, informing me of something I was surprised to hear. "Michael knows." Skyler turns to Michael and holds his hands, "Chris was there when I hit my low." I instantly knew what Michael had been holding back two days ago, the way Skyler was holding his hands and the way they looked into each other's eyes. Skyler explained my involvement in his life, "Chris has been there for me since then and vice versa. Also I hope things went well with my team." Skyler focuses his attention to me, "I did tell them and Austin backed me up the entire way. Actually most of the team did."
I had a feeling he had told his team but hearing it from him solidified my suspicions. Crossing my arms, I looked confused at him. "Why? What prompted you to come out?"
Skyler just shrugged his shoulders, "I just got tired of the bullshit they kept tossing out about gays. I got tired of hearing fag this and queer that. Even Austin was getting sick of it."
Michael quipped in, "Yea you should have seen him a few weeks ago. He was so irritated during bio. I had to explain how things had changed on the rugby team since I came out. That's actually one of the reasons why we have been hanging out so much."
While I felt very happy for them, this was suddenly becoming a little uncomfortable for me. I was not expecting a budding relationship between the two of them. Rubbing my hands together, I step back, making a statement with the movement, "I didn't mean to interrupt. I need to head back to my hall to go shower. I'll talk with you guys later ok?"
Michael looked out at me, him still wanting to say something but the words not coming out. He didn't need to say it. I could see it in his eyes that he felt like he was hurting me. I tried not to show my anguish but it still got out. Quickly turning to head away, I started to walk away.
Before I got ten feet away, a voice called out to me, "Chris wait. Hang on; I wanted to ask you something." I turn around to see Skyler moving up to me. Michael waits there on the bench looking out at the two of us.
Looking at Skyler, then out to Michael I uttered, "Umm what's up?"
Skyler looks at me, a care and compassion echoing in every word he says. He had obviously thought this through. "I know this is a weird question to ask but I was wondering if it would be ok with you if I took Michael out on a date. I know you two have a history and I don't want to get in between it but I really think he's cute. I think he's interested as well but I am not 100% sure yet."
Holding my composure as best I could, I smile weakly, "Skyler, Michael is a great guy. Take care of him." I was shocked that Skyler would ask something like this out of me but in a way I was glad to know he respected me this much. "He is interested in you. Trust me."
The words stung as they left my lips and I hoped they were true. I may not have been the one for Michael but I hoped that Skyler could be that guy. Looking past Skyler, I saw Michael rubbing his palms together, his head facing the ground. As Skyler started to walk back, his face came up smiling. Then he looked out to me, the smile waivered but held.
I suddenly felt very alone as I walked to my room. I was happy for the two of them but it was hard to see Michael moving on. And with Skyler of all guys... I mean the two of them fit well as a couple. I wish I could have been that couple. Closing the door into my room, I slid down the door and sobbed alone.
Well now... I am happy for Michael and Skyler but Chris, man I feel bad for that guy. He has always had a guy by his side and now he seems to be losing everyone. It will be interesting to see how the coming chapters play out.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Write in and I will do my best to get back to you as soon as possible. Also if you could donate a dollar or two to help keep the site up and running that would be great. Take care everyone!