This was a hard chapter to write out, dealing with a variety of emotions that at times I have not dealt with myself. I hope that you all enjoy the story line, even if it is not as sexually oriented as it normally has been.
I don't know whether it was me being hung over or sick from what I did to Pike but I had to pull over. At this point on my hurried drive back to my room I had completely gotten lost. Pulling my car into the closest parking lot I took note of the cross streets: Spring and Woodruff.
I needed air. Shutting the car off in haste, I stepped out into the brisk morning and tried to breath. Instead I heaved over, my arm catching the car to hold me up. Call it alcohol puke; I felt this was just the beginning of my punishment.
The reel of last night kept flashing through my mind and while I normally love sucking cock, the sight of Pike's kept making me sick to my stomach. I had used a good friend. Feeling a second wave coming up, I moved over to the grass in a hurry, seeping tears of pain and anguish in the process.
Wiping my mouth to clean myself up, I tried to figure out the next part of my game plan. Everything was wrong. Everything was crashing down around me, even though it felt like I had finally just gotten back on my feet. With tears starting to well up in my eyes, I made my way back to car and got in, wiping my vision clear.
Getting back to campus I went to the first place I could think of; Michael. Knocking on his door, I waited a few minutes, resisting the urge to break down in the hall way. After waiting five minutes, I sent him a SOS text then went down the lobby, trying to figure out who else I could talk with. Looking around for sign, I glanced down the hallway, a familiar door slightly open.
Briskly strutting over there, I knocked, hoping Skyler was there. "Come in." Those words never sounded so inviting as I pushed the door ajar, Skyler looking up from his books to see my wretched figure enter. Breaking down once I entered, Skyler pushed his books off him and rushed to me. "Chris what's going on?"
"I totally screwed up Skyler!" I wailed into his arms. Clutching him tight, I tried to find comfort in him, hoping I could erase the entire last 24 hours.
Skyler held me tight, his breathing doing its best to calm me down. "Hey, slow down and tell me what happened."
At this point it all felt like a dream, no nightmare, to me. But I knew it wasn't so I broke open and told him. "I had sex with my best friend. He's completely straight. I just wanted him so much I was willing to compromise our friendship just to suck him off."
"What did he say? I am sure it isn't that bad Chris. Smelling the alcohol on your breath, I am willing to bet he was a bit drunk as well... otherwise he isn't as straight as you think he is." Skyler is trying his best to comfort me but then I drop the bombshell.
"No he IS completely straight. He's dating my sister!" I cry out in anger. I should not have done this. I know I shouldn't have done it and it was a stupid mistake. "What do I do?"
Skyler just sat there stunned. Then he said something that I was not expecting at all out of him. "Actually Chris, I have kind of been through this as well... in a way."
Looking at him in the eyes for the first time, I needed to make sure he was not making up some story to try and connect with me. His gingerly orange eyes didn't waiver at all though as he told me what happened to him. "Back before we met I slept with one of my best friend's girl friend. We were all tight friends but her and I got a little drunk one night and fooled around. I wanted to make a man out of myself by having sex with her and she and my best friend were in a rough spot."
Emotion seeping out of each of our eyes, Skyler explains what he did, "I knew it was wrong but I wanted to prove that I was a man to myself but after waking next to her, I knew I had made a huge mistake, not just by having sex on the whim but with my best friend's girlfriend. I ended up telling him before she did only because I knew they were in a rough spot and if this had gotten out, then our friendship would be over and their relationship would be as well. It was a rough few weeks but we eventually worked our way through it. I'm not going to lie Chris, there will be some serious trust issues that you will be dealing with but if you work hard to rebuild it, then hopefully they will understand."
Coughing up a sniffle, I repeat my question, "What do I do though? This is my sister we are talking about. She will disown me. And I've ruined things between her and Pike!" I cry at that last sentence, the overwhelming flood of emotions crushing me down.
"Chris, you need to talk with her, explain things out. I know I didn't tell you who the guy was but it's actually the same guy who came to you to help me, Austin. It was really hard for the two of us to reconnect but in the end it worked out. Trust me." Skyler felt so great holding me in that moment, he cradling me like a lost child who had ran away.
Just sitting there for a minute taking it all in, I realized I did need to talk with Ally. I needed to explain things out to her before Pike does, especially since this was my entire fault. Looking up at Skyler, I peer into his eyes and wonder how hard it actually was for him to come to terms with being gay; the trials and tribulations he is facing on his journey.
Sniffling myself together, I break away from Skyler, working myself to my feet. "Umm well thank you. I'm sorry for dumping this on you."
Skyler looked on at me with compassion in his eyes, the same kind that I had normally seen in Pike. "Chris, I am always here to help you."
Leaving his room, I head outside, a cold snap breeze slapping me in the face forcing even more tears out of the system. As I enter into my room, I look around for Peter but he is not surprisingly absent. Pulling out my phone, I scroll down to Ally, contemplating to call her or not. Out of complete fear I back out of her contact, moving instead up to Pike. Calling him, I am not surprised that I end up talking to his voicemail, "Pike, we need to talk. I want to tell Ally so she doesn't end things with you. Please call me back as soon as possible. Thanks." Hanging up the phone, I scroll back down to Ally and leave it on her number, the phone screen cutting out to end my debate on whether to call her or not. I was too afraid to confront her at the moment.
When Monday came around, I knew something was wrong. I mean as if it weren't already wrong enough, practice was weird, especially when Pike failed to show up. Sarah instead took over practice, teaching us some of the drills and moves that we had normally practiced. When people asked about Pike the most they got out of Sarah was an "I don't know" or a "he didn't tell me much." I knew more though, I had a strong feeling I was the reason he wasn't here. Everything that had previously gotten back into shape suddenly fell out; my throws, my cuts, my pivots, they were all off.
Moving down the field during the scrimmage, I did my best to stay up with my mark, in this case Bryan, but I couldn't. Normally I could, or at least I had a good grip on him, but now he managed to outpace me a good five feet. Then when he went to cut back, he was already blowing past me before I could comprehend it. Knowing I couldn't do any more, I went off to the side, pulling Terry in to take over for me.
Looking to Sarah, I had a strong feeling she really did know what was going on, especially when she gave me a cold hard look, that look of betrayal and anger. It was masked from all others to see but I caught it full on. Telling her I was not feeling well, I grabbed my stuff and started to leave. As I was near to the street, I stopped to pull out my phone. It was time to call Ally. I couldn't stand the guilt anymore. Instead of calling her though, I sent her a text. "Ally, we need to talk... I have done something that I need to fix. I am sorry." I couldn't bear to talk to her over the phone; this was something that needed to be addressed in person.
After waiting a good twenty minutes, enough time for me to get back to the room and change, I mustered up the courage to actually call her. Hoping that I could get her voicemail, I pressed the ominous "go ahead" green button. Fearing putting the speaker against my ear, I just held the phone out in my palm, looking down at it while I sat in the chair. As was usual, the room was empty, just me alone with the four walls, the ringing of the phone vibrating through the speakerphone.
Click "Chris! How dare you call me? Don't you even think of saying anything! I want to tell you how DISAPPOINTED I am in you!" I didn't need to be near Ally to know she was in complete rage mode. Knowing it was smart to keep my mouth shut, I let her spew the anger across the lines.
"Of all the FUCKING guys out there Chris, why? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PICK PIKE?!" While the rage was still there I could tell she was breaking at this point, the tears visually breaking out, ruining her makeup.
Speaking for the first time, I choose my words. Swallowing hard, I tried to get my voice to speak. I couldn't though, the anguish scaring me. Ally though spoke for me, her words cutting me to the bone. "I hate you Chris! You are my brother! I trusted you! And now you can't say anything? The General taught you better!"
Breaking down, I placed the phone on the desk and fell into a ball. "Ally I am sorry! I don't know what all I can say! I have nothing that I can say!"
"Damn fucking straight you have nothing you can say!" I could hear her voice cracking through the speaker, the wrath of her scorn vibrating the phone to such a degree it seemed to move closer to me with every word she screamed.
"Ally..." Sniffling myself together, "I am going to come over. I need to see you. I need to talk with you in person." Brushing myself off, I start to grab my things. As I exited the door, the largest lump grew in my stomach, the lead ball almost being attracted to some imaginary magnet in the room. Ally didn't say anything when I told her I was coming over, a sign furthermore that she was not pleased with me. One of the family rules was that if things ever needed to get talked over, we do it in person, and this situation seemed no different.
Driving over to Fullerton was a very scary expedition, my mind playing scenarios of what Ally was going to do to me. It felt like the longest drive ever, even longer than the trips back home, and this was only a 30 minute drive. By the time I got there my knuckles were white with dread, the grip on the steering wheel like a vice around a doll; any further and it felt like it was going to crack.
Moving over to the dorms, I managed to sneak in with a student and make my way to the elevator. Subconsciously I couldn't help but look out for any blond haired guys, the constant watch for ocean blue eyes becoming an unwanted concern.
Stepping off the elevator to Ally's floor, I moved cautiously over to her door, the beckoning of death right on the other side. With complete anxiety, I knocked on the door. Stepping back, I press my body against the wall, waiting for the force of Ally's rage to come hit me.
Ally opened the door; no smile, no glimmer in her eyes. There was no hate either, just sadness, her eyes bloodshot from crying. "Get in here Chris." Following her command, I step into the room, waiting for it to unleash. "I don't know what to say... I am so ashamed of you Chris." She closes the door, unable to look at me as she utters the words.
Turning around to face her, I start to speak, "Ally, it was a mista-".
That was as far as I got as her palm lashed out, the brutal force of it stunning my cheek. "Don't you dare speak to me about mistakes Chris. This should have never even entered your mind!" She hissed at me with such vehemence my blood ran cold.
I was expecting her to be pissed at me but to lay a hand on me; that was unexpected. Shock taking over my body, I stood there ridged, waiting for her to finish. Instead she moved around me to sit on her bed, her body moving towards the head of the bed. Burying her head into her knees, she started to weep.
"Ally, please listen to me. I know you have every right to be mad at me but please don't take it out on Pike." I move over to her to plead my case, well more Pike's in this case since I was so far gone it didn't matter anymore.
"I am not mad at you Chris. I am disappointed. I knew you had a crush on him a long time ago but I thought you had outgrown him. I thought with him and I being together you would have not gone after him." She lifts her head up to look at me, a tear crawling slowly down from her eye to her cheek, falling into her lap to wet her jeans. "As for Pike, I don't know what to say. This was a complete break in our trust, even if it was just you."
That stung like a bitch, as if the thought of "it just being me" making it any little less bad. Crawling up to her, I pull her in close. Ally struggled against me but in the end caved in, sobbing into my arms. Whispering into her ears I cry, "This was the biggest mistake of my life. I feel disgusted for doing it with Pike, I feel horrible for ruining your relationship with him. I am the worst sibling ever. I know I might not ever be able to make it up to you but please don't punish Pike. He still loves you, I know he does."
Ally moves up to look at me, a woman scorned showing in her distorted grimaced face, "Prove it Chris. I need you to prove it to me that he still loves me."
Moving her off the bed, I motion for her come with me to Pike's place. It was a strenuous process even convincing her to leave but when I added in that we were going to Pike's she stiffened up, the thought of facing him sickening her.
Arriving at Pike's house, I knew this was going to be a hard process. Stepping out and moving around the car to let her out, I take her hand as Ally steps out, watching as she looks over the house, a single tear starting to well up. Moving up to the door, I rapped my knuckles against it, the loud thuds echoing inside the house. Seeing a shadow move behind the overhead glass, I step back.
Pike opened the door, a dozen emotions flashing across his face; first surprise, then anger (most likely directed towards me), then sadness (obviously directed at Ally). "Hi, what brings you two here?" He tried his best to sound welcoming though he knew what was going on.
Stepping up, I cough out, "Pike we all need to talk." Ally steps forward, though still hanging behind me as if I could protect her from what he had done.
"Sure come in." Pike motions us in as we all shuffle through the door, Pike being last as he shuts the door. Grabbing his neck, he looks to Ally, wetness welling up at the brim, "Ally I am sorry, I don't know what I can do to make you forgive me."
Ally looks at him, hurt and suffering displayed very well in her deep blue eyes. If the ocean could flow out and fill the room, it possibly could have. "Chris told me you still love me, is that true?"
Pike looked at me real fast, shocked that I would defend him to such a degree. Looking back at Ally with fear and tears, he moves in to grab her hands passionately, "Ally I have always loved you. I will always love you. What we, I, did was inexcusable." Pulling her head in close he didn't go to kiss her on the lips, instead on the forehead. Ally probably wouldn't have allowed for him to kiss her on the lips to begin with, the sting still there.
Knowing they needed to talk things over, I moved back towards the door, silently opening it up to step outside. A good 30 minutes passed before it opened up again, Ally stepping outside. During that time, I had at least five moments of sobbing, the reflection of my actions hurting me. I felt as if all emotions had been thrown away that night, a complete lack of humanity showing in my bare basic animalistic instincts.
Ally sat beside me, "I don't know how long things will take to get back to normal Chris but I do love you. You just hurt me deep. Thank you though for taking me to Pike. We hadn't seen each other since he told me." She wrapped her arms around me, her love seeping back into me. I don't deserve this kind of compassion.
Looking over to her, "I don't expect you to forgive me any time soon either." Standing up, I help her up and look over to Pike standing in the doorway. "We are going to head out. Will I be seeing you at practice any time soon?"
Pike, instead of looking at me, focused on Ally. "No Chris, I need to fix things with Ally. Frisbee is on hold for me."
Well now... Pike is taking a temporary reprieve... That was unexpected. It will be interesting to see how Frisbee will change with him gone. Let's hope he is not out for too long.