Well now... that breakup was kinda sudden... Let's see how Chris is dealing with it...
Ever since Michael and I broke up, I have felt lost. I suppose, in the end, Michael was right. I didn't feel alone. Now though, everything is off. I am not as attentive in class; Frisbee is off, heck my runs with Peter have been lagging as well. I don't want to blame Michael because it isn't his fault. I just... well I feel like shit.
The week before the tournament was all off, even worse than before Michael and I broke up. No, breaking up is not the right word, we went our separate ways. But we didn't because we are still friends. We still talked with each other but there was a part that felt different between the two of us, a part that I knew I wanted back but it wouldn't have been right.
So here I am, two days before the tournament at practice. Even though I had given it all my might, my backhand throws were off their marks and my forehand tosses were all wobbly. Pike took notice of it all and while he didn't say anything, it was clear to see that he was in turmoil. Ending practice, Pike called us all around to tell us who was on the starting line. My hopes were not too high, even though I really wanted it.
Pike stood there, overlooking us all, then called out the names, "Sarah, Andrew, Zach, Rachel, Bryan, Adam, and Tyler." While I was not too surprised they got called, I grumbled a little under my breath. I felt that even in my off state I was still better than a few of them. Pike, while I didn't want him to notice, did notice my mixed emotions, and after letting everyone go, called me aside as I was just about to leave.
Moving towards him with complete apathy, I stood there, "What's up?"
Pike didn't look too happy with my tone, though I didn't mean for it to be said in the manner it was. "Chris what's going on? You have been like this for the entire week. A few of the other players have told me that you haven't been all there."
I was slightly stunned that the players had told him about me but then again they were just looking out for me. Holding back my anger at being called out, I told him outright, "Pike I don't want to talk about it."
Pike was not too happy with that explanation, crossing his bulky arms. His green eyes almost seemed to shoot red lasers out of them as he spoke, "Chris, I wanted to put you on the starting line. I really did but you haven't been too attentive during practice so I have to give it to the players that actually try."
Not trying? Of course I was trying! I was giving it my all. Of course I was also dealing with other stuff as well but I didn't want to tell him that. It's not that he didn't know; I'm actually sure word has gotten out that Michael and I are no longer a couple.
Sighing heavily, I couldn't really say much. Actually it would not have been smart of me to say anything. Keeping my mouth shut, I looked down at the ground and just murmured, "I understand." I was trying hard to keep it together, and this didn't help much.
Walking away, a slight tear shed down my cheek. While I didn't know it, Pike was watching me the entire time, thinking to himself of any way that he could possibly help.
The day of the tournament, Saturday, I was amped and ready to go. I wanted to play. No I needed to play. This was the only thing that my mind could look forward to. Riding over with Bryan and Zach, we all arrived at San Dominguez early so that we could find a place to stuff our spots. Arriving before any of the other teams, the three of us camped out on the grass, the early morning moisture still fresh on the blades.
Around 8 some of the other teams started to arrive; the rest of ours showing around that time as well. As I waited for the full team to appear, I suddenly became nervous. It had just occurred to me that I had not talked with Kyle ever since the accident. Actually I didn't get to talk with him during that at all; that was me saving his life. The last time we talked was back at Northridge, when I socked him.
Looking around, I spotted the Fullerton team arriving, Victoria leading them onto the field like an army squad in formation. Rising from my seated position on the grass, I look out over the team, wondering if Kyle was somewhere mixed in. Instead Ellie, the girl who had previously had purple stripes in her hair (now white stripes in her olive black hair), saw me. I did a small wave to her, big enough to catch her attention but small enough as to not attract attention to myself.
She was a really sweet girl, one of the few players on the team that I still respected. Breaking off from her militaristic group, Ellie made her way towards me, only after she had informed Laura of where she was going. "Hey Chris, how are you doing?" Reaching out my arm, I had expected to shake hands with her but instead she hugged me, pulling me in tight, "Thank you for what you did with Kyle."
Complete shocked at what she had said, I stepped back, my mouth agape. "What? What are you talking about?" Regaining my composure, I look at her confused. "I'm doing alright. But yea, what are you talking about, what I did with Kyle?"
Ellie stood there, her beaming smile trying to warm me up. While she was a good person, the team she was with had always had a frosty relationship with Long Beach. And I was only adding to it with the whole Kyle situation. "Thank you for saving him. He didn't tell anyone else but me that it was you who pulled him from the car. "A confused look takes over her face, the realization that it might not have been me hitting her. "Wasn't it?"
"Umm... well... yea it was me but I was just trying to save him. Is he here?" I was suddenly overcome with emotions, the fact that he knew it was me hitting hard but even worse the fact that he hadn't told anyone; except for Ellie. She must have been his best friend at Fullerton.
Turning sad, I saw that she was not happy about something. Ellie could only fiddle with her fingers, her wanting to say something but it was not coming out. "Actually Chris... he doesn't play for Fullerton anymore. He plays for UC Irvine."
Wait what? He doesn't play for Fullerton anymore? "What? Why? Did I do this?" I blurt it out, wondering if I had caused him to leave Fullerton.
Shocked, Ellie tries to reassure me, "No! No, he has a friend on the Irvine team and they told him they were going to be short this semester. He offered to assist them until they got enough players but instead just got drafted to play with them. He still kinda trains with us sometimes, since we are not in the same league and all..." Her voice trails off on that last part, though it was still loud enough to sink in.
I was not going to see Kyle anymore. I was relieved but then again sad. Not knowing which emotion rang truer, I enjoyed the situation as it was; even though I had lost Kyle, I had made a friend out of Ellie. "I'm sorry for your loss. How does that affect you guys as a team?"
Ellie shifted back and forth in the grass, her sneakers getting damp with the moisture. Looking off towards her team she responded, "Well it will be hard. Kyle was one of our better players. We will learn to survive one way or another." Before she could say any more, Ian waved his hand, the tall sophomore calling Ellie away from me. "Well good luck to you Chris!" She hollered out to me as she ran back to her team.
Looking over my stuff, I didn't know what to say. It was nice that I didn't have to see him anymore but if I caused him to switch teams, I kind of feel a little guilty. Then I remembered that Ellie did say that his friend did need his help so maybe that was his reason. Brushing it off, I tried to focus back on the game.
Our first game was at 10am and we easily won it. While I was not on the starting line, Pike managed to shift me in early, allowing us a few good points to get us ahead. Working on a good zone tactic, Bryan and I worked hard at holding back Dominguez Hills while the others worked to mark their respective zones.
The game against Dominguez Hills was a good 7 to 2, not a shut out but enough for us to show our dominance. While we were waiting for our next game at 11:30, I was surprised by the arrival of Michael. I had told him about the game but I was not sure if he was going to make it, the school work already piling onto him. Moving over to hug him, I told him about our win.
Michael, standing there in a now slightly sweaty polo shirt, grinned happily, "Congratulations Chris! I am so glad you guys won your game. When is the next one?"
Not even thinking about it, I started rolling out the details. "It's at 11:30 against Fullerton." I hadn't even thought of Kyle when I said that but I could tell immediately that was who came to his mind first.
"Is he here?" That was all Michael needed to say, a slight grimace extending through his facial expression.
"No. He switched to UC Irvine to help them out." I shrugged my shoulders, explaining it all as it had been said to me.
"Good. The last thing you need to see now is that asshole." Michael made a disgusted face, showing his distaste for Kyle. Even though we were not "together" anymore, it was nice to know that Michael was looking out for me, my well being still high among his best intentions.
"Yea, I know but still... I wish I could have talked with him. I never got to say sorry for punching him. I never got to ask how he is doing." I really did want to talk with Kyle, me not being the type to leave things unfinished or unsettled.
Michael though, he made it very clear how he felt over the situation. "Chris, the guy was a fucking jerk. He hurt you in more ways that you realize. I saw the aftermath of what he did to you."
Oh Michael, how I wish I actually loved you. He really was a great guy but to be telling me this after splitting up with me, it really was not something I wanted to hear. Instead I focused onto the actual game, showing him the different moves we used and throws we employed. The team was glad to see him as well, many of them talking with him as if he and I were still together.
The game against Fullerton was a huge mess. While we did win, it was not even close by their normal standards; I didn't know who to effectively mark. We won 6 to 2 but while I did my best to cover one of their players, it seemed too easy. I would at times let them get ahead just to give me a challenge. Victoria noticed it as well, and man you should have seen her face. If ever there was a rage face to say "I fucking hate you" this would be it. I mean if Kyle was still here then I would actually have a challenge but this, this was child's play.
In the end we completely dominated the tournament, something that even Pike had not expected. Apparently the other teams were still getting back into the motions of playing so we had a hand up over them, or at least the rest of Long Beach did. I still had trouble throwing the right throws when I needed to and catching the disk between my hands in the proper style.
Riding back with Michael to Long Beach, I was feeling a lot better about my playing Frisbee. It was a great sport that I didn't want to give up and this tournament reminded me of how good I could be if I put my mind to it, or in this case how crappy I could be if I didn't focus. Exiting into the dorm, Michael got off on his floor and I rode up to mine.
Exiting out, I saw a familiar guy standing outside my door, his hoodie not covering his head. "Peter what are you going here?" I had forgotten that he wanted to ask if I was still interested in moving in with him, which was the reason why he was here.
"Hey Chris, how was the tournament?" He answers my question with a deflection question of his own, skirting the topic of me rooming with him. "Bryan and Zach just went to shower but they told me you would be here soon."
"Tournament was great. We won all our games, surprisingly. You are here about me moving in with you right?" I asked him, wanting to get straight to the point. I was too tired to do small talk, instead wanting to focus on the more important issues.
"Umm, yea..." Peter's cream eyes implored for me to join him, the want for another guy in his room calling out for me. I could see he was getting desperate but I still had slight reservations about moving in with him. While I didn't want to call him out on it, I was beginning to sense the fact that he might be bisexual, and further more have a slight crush on me. Was this really what I wanted, or needed?
"Can I get back to you by tonight? I just got back from my game so I am tired but a good wash will let me know. Ok?" It was a bullshit excuse for me to buy more time and to be honest I was running out of excuses.
Peter seemed to buy it though, nodding his head to start walking away. "Ok but please let me know TONIGHT."
"You're still in the Cerritos Hall right?" I shouted out to him as he walked away. Not even answering, Peter just raises a thumb up to tell me that was the right hall. That also let me know that he was hurt about my avoiding him.
Moving inside, I drop off my stuff and grab my toiletries to head to the shower. Hearing Bryan and Zach in their own stalls, I moved in to shower, washing off the sweat and dirt from earlier. Bryan knew it was me that had entered and without even confirming it he asked out, "He Chris, did you talk with Peter?"
"Yea..." I dropped my voice down, not sure of what I wanted to do.
"And..?" Zach asked this time, the voice echoing from a different stall. The rush of the water almost drowned him out.
"I don't know guys. I want to talk about it in back in the room." I left it at that, enjoying my shower. Hearing them leave, I finally enjoyed the time to myself, the warm stream of water flowing across my body. The stream felt great as it soaked me, giving me the prune fingers after staying in there too long.
Leaving the shower, I got dressed and entered back into the room. Bryan and Zach were both on their beds, waiting for me to enter. "What? Do you guys really want me to leave?" I crack the joke to them.
Bryan was more serious at this point, cutting to the chase. "Chris," He moves off his bead to stand over his desk, looking out at me. Moving towards my bed I keep an eye on them, placing my stuff away in the normal spots it's always gone. "This might actually be good for you."
"What are you talking about?" I turn to him, and Zach, confused. Resting against the bunk bed, I take in all the fun times we have had as roommates. I didn't want it to end, even if the room was annoyingly small.
Zach breaks in this time, giving his two cents. "You may not admit to it but we have heard you crying in the night. This might be a good way for you to start fresh."
Oh god this is embarrassing. I didn't even realize I had been crying in the night. Bryan looks to Zach then back at me. "Zach's right. You are at a crossroad in your life. This could be that next chapter where things change for you, possibly for the better. Don't worry though we are not kicking you out. The door is always open for you to come back."
"What if the RA fills it?" I ask, suddenly scared that this might actually go through. What they are saying is a good point. Rooming with Peter could be that change in my life that I need.
"We will make sure he doesn't. Plus it's too late for them to fill it anyways. The only thing that could happen is someone changes rooms which we would fight. Having one less person in here would be nice as well." Bryan cracks a smile at the thought.
The more I think it over the better it sounds. Looking over my section of the room, I realize there really isn't much that I need to take. "Let me move out in sections ok? This would be too much to do in one night." I go to start packing the necessary items, taking pleasure in the moment that this could change everything for me.
Bryan nods his head as does Zach, and the two of them come to help me clean up. Before an hour has passed, I am ready to leave. With my backpack on and a full box in my hands, I make my way out of the halls over to Peter's Hall. I was happy to see that my card worked there as well, making my way up to his room.
Knocking on the door, I thought this over for one last time. I was actually making a well deserved change. This could hopefully make my semester a whole lot better. Before I could pull out, Peter opens the door, a smile spreading across his face.
Shrugging my shoulders, I simply respond, "I'm going to take you up on that offer." And then I stepped inside, his room becoming our room.
Rooming with Peter? This just might be that drastic transformation Chris needs in his life to put things back in order... or will it? And from the looks of it, I highly doubt we will be seeing Kyle ever again. Hopefully this will be that sign that he needs to move on...