============================================================================== Disclaimer.
This story is a work of fiction although it is loosely based on the real life experiences of the author.
This story contains graphical depictions of sexual contact between two adult males. This story also contains harsh language or swearing and depicts scenes of alcohol and drug use. It should not be read by anyone where it is illegal to read such material and should not be read by anyone under the age of 18.
The author retains the copyright, and any other rights to this story. This story may not be published, copied or redistributed in any way without the explicit consent of the author.
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The Truth About Coming Out Chapter 5 Written with an eye to the future, by Kyro
Girls... Fucking girls... I'll never get them. Not even a little bit. As a gay guy, I'm pretty sure that I have some inherent inability to understand them and their actions and their weird pheromone driven thoughts. I told my other brother about me being gay. He didn't crack a light. Barely said a word... he just muttered, "Ok." And then he stalked off upstairs to his bed. Hardly the reaction I was expecting. Especially after all the anti-gay rhetoric he had spewed over the years, he was quite the staunch opposer of gay rights. It's been a few days since I told my dad and he's still not talking to me. How adult of him, right? I've given up even trying to make small talk with him; his mono-syllabic answers are driving me crazy and just further annoying me.
I heard my mum and my dad arguing about me just after I told my brother, she basically told him to grow up, and that I was still his son... he never even argued back. I don't know what's worse, your dad shouting at you, calling you all the freaks under the sun, or your dad being so disgusted and ashamed of you that he can't even bring himself to look you in the eye never mind talk to you. Either way, it really hurts...
I finally managed to get my three female cousins down to the pub though, I was planning on telling them by myself, but my best friend and my two brothers insisted that they be there. To be honest, I think the brother who found out and then went upstairs to his bed got dragged along by my other brother and my best friend, but I never asked if that were true. I was always grateful for any kind of show of support from anyone, no matter how trivial it may seem.
We sat in the pub with my cousins for a while; again, I couldn't find the courage. I couldn't just expect them to turn up and then I'd tell them right away. I liked to feel a bit more comfortable and ease into the conversation before I dropped it on them. At the moment they were babbling on about some celebrity or other, something I had no interest in so I sat quietly, literally in the corner of the pub, trying to stump up the courage. It was that bit harder with everyone being there. I know they were there to show me support, but they were really making it more difficult for me, I just couldn't bring myself to tell them that. Eventually, an opportunity arose, my brother went outside to have a smoke and my other brother went to the bar. I looked to my best friend, "I think he needs some help at the bar," I said nodding towards my brother. He took the hint and went after him.
Finally I was left with just my three cousins and I. Time to tell them that you find the idea of sex with the female species utterly revolting and stomach turning. OK, so not really, I had a girlfriend for nearly 4 years, but I really have no interest in girls at all. sigh My hands didn't disappoint and began to shake as I wound myself up to tell them. I could remember this script off by heart now...
"Listen, I need to tell you something and I don't know how you're gonna take it. Just try and remember it's a bit of a delicate issue and we're in a public place, so try not to make too big of a scene."
All three girls looked at me gravely and nodded.
"Listen, you now I broke up with my girlfriend a few years ago? Well... I didn't break up with her because I didn't like her specifically; it was more to do with the fact that I don't like girls."
There was a very, very short silence before one of my cousins started.
"Shut up...! You're gay?"
I looked to her and swallowed hard... I gave her a stiff nod.
Just then my brother and my best friend came back from the bar with the drinks. My other cousin brought her hand up to her mouth, "Are you serious?"
"Yeah," I croaked.
She started fanning her face with her hand and stood up with tears in her eyes, "Oh my god I'm so proud of you."
Why the hell is she crying?!?
I stood up to give her a hug when she clutched me tightly and sobbed slightly on my shoulder. "I'm so proud and happy for you, I love you so much. Oh my god!" She screamed against my shoulder.
So much for not making a scene...
"Oh my god I'm so happy for you too," my other cousin said as she ran round the table to get involved in the hug. Not to be outdone, my other cousin joined in what was now a 4-way hug-orgy. I could feel they eyes of most people in the pub on me, something I'm terribly uncomfortable with normally, but on this occasion, I didn't mind, it felt strangely good to be hugged like this, to be accepted like this, even if they were crying and I couldn't quite understand why.
After a few moments, they all released me and took a seat.
"Oh my god! We can go shopping together...."
I cut her off, "there's no way I'm going shopping for curtains or duvets or underwear for you lot."
Everyone let out a small laugh. I looked to my cousin who was the first to hug me and who was still crying.
"Why are you crying?" I asked.
"It's just because this is such a big deal and you've not been able to tell us. We've been going out to nightclubs for 5 years and you've never been able to pull a guy or anything like that."
She wasn't sobbing any longer, but tears where still falling form her eyes.
"Hey! Don't worry about it. That was my choice and I don't regret it. I couldn't tell you lot because I felt like I had to tell my mum and dad first and you know what my dad's like."
"Oh my god! How did he take it?" my other cousin asked.
I shrugged my shoulder, "meh... not well. But what father takes it well when his son comes out as gay?" I knew I was glossing over how bad things where, but they didn't need to know.
"Well I don't care, I still love you, son." My first cousin said. She was around the same age as me but often spoke as if she were eighty years old.
"Me too."
"Me as well."
I smiled, "thanks."
The rest of the day was spent talking about guys that I liked. I don't really know many celebrities and they were trying to get a feel for the type of guy I liked, it was like playing the world's biggest games of Who's Who? I told them I really liked twinks but they didn't' have a clue what that was. When they finally started to grasp it, I had to go and confuse them by telling them I thought the front man (Simon Neil) from Biffy Clyro was gorgeous (by no means is he anything like a twink!) It was so great just to let my guard down. To be able to sit there and talk about guys and not have to police or censor my words, it was one of the best days of my life. We ended up back at my brother's house afterwards and we had what is now being described as, "My coming out party." There were a lot of gay jokes, a lot of uncomfortable and personal questions, but in the end, I didn't mind. I had to be patient because like I've said a million times, I've had years to deal with this and they haven't. It's not just me who's coming out, it's them too.
I guess this is where I wrap my 'story' (if you could call it that) up. You might have noticed that I wrote this entire piece without so much as single name? Was that on purpose? Yes. And do you want to know why? Because I've been closeted and cagey for so long that it just comes naturally. The people in here are real, all of them, even my dog! But it's not for me to tell you their names, they never asked for a story to be written about them, that was my choice. You may have noticed tonnes of grammatical issues. You may have noticed that my sentence structure is at times... questionable and you may even have noticed that I switch me tenses intermittently. That's because I pretty much never edited this. I never handed it off to Josh to work his magic, I never had a beta read look over it first, I just wrote what happened. I could have polished and cleaned and made it spick and span, but would this piece loose its honesty? Probably.
And that's why I wrote this. I wanted someone to give an honest and accurate account of what coming out is actually like. I know the websites that this is posted on are for 18+ only, but we all know that there are underage people reading it. And I know from the emails that I get that there are people who are over 18, who are still closeted and are still struggling to come out, I hope in some way or another, this story can and has helped them out. Because coming out isn't all sunshine and daisies, but it isn't all hatred either. It's tough, believe me it's tough. As I write this, it's been 4 days since I told my dad and he's still not speaking to me. Him and my mum aren't talking now either and I feel racked with guilt, but I don't think I could have done anything more to help the situation.
My advice about coming out? Well the advice I'd give you is simple, to anyone who's thinking about coming out or who's still in the closet - do what YOU want. Don't let anyone force you, don't let anyone push you, it's YOUR life. And when all is said and done, it's you who's left to live it. If you're not comfortable coming out yet, then don't! There's no shame in that and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Like I said, it's your life, but remember that door swings both ways. It's your life and you can't stay in the closet just to appease your parents or your narrow-minded friends/family. You have to go out there and live your life. It's scary coming out, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But once you're out, it's one of the best feelings ever, and that's the truth!
Oh yeah and by the way, my name's Michael... not Kyro (^_^)
The End.
********************************************************************************** Authors note.
Hey! So I guess that's a wrap! I just want to say a huge thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the story. Reading through the emails that everyone has sent me makes me realise just how lucky I had it when coming out, other people have had it really rough and I just want to say that if you ever want to chat, then feel free to drop me an email.
Also, now that I'm officially no longer closeted, I have set-up my very own blog/tumblr account. It contains pretty much all the things I find truly wonderful in life: astronomy, cosmology, yaoi :-P ,(I'm trying to keep the really geeky stuff to a minimum, but there's no promises!) So feel free to follow me and fire any questions that you want at me via the forum. The hyperlink is
http://mad-rocket-scientist.tumblr.com/
There will be a lot of stories on my blog that you won't be able to find anywhere else. The reason being that I write a lot of oneshot stories which I find are very personal and aren't suited to AFF or Nifty, so I never post them. My blog feels slightly more personal though and will be the ideal place to post these stories.
I've also written (and had edited - thanks Josh!) the beginning of another 4 stories! I imagine these stories to be far lengthier (probably on par with G&T) than this story or any of the oneshots I've mentioned. I'm looking to really try something a bit different, so one will be based on Angels, one will be a sci-fi come medieval blend, one will be romance-story based on a kid with a drug problem, and the last one I'm looking to make into a yaoi type story. I've already written the first chapter of each of these stories, but I'm still editing and toying with them. So I'm looking for beta readers and I'm desperate to get someone who is either Japanese, or who has a deep knowledge of Japanese culture to help me with my yaoi story (possibly a weeaboo?) Hopefully I'll manage to get one beta reader per story, but I know it's a lot to ask (^_^)
So that's what the future holds for me, as well as the conclusion of G&T which I'm still frantically working on! I hope you all enjoyed the story and thanks for readdddddddddddding!!!!!!
Send any feedback to: kyro3@hotmail.co.uk And could you please include the title of the story
Or drop my blog and drop me a post: http://mad-rocket-scientist.tumblr.com/