Disclaimer: Howie is in the back doing my laundry, but he'll clarify that this is all true! LOL
Enjoy!
The Thing With Nick 12
The thing with Nick is, he doesn't see what love does.
All I could remember was the burning of alcohol down my throat. With each drop, I remembered every word he said to me over the years. With every drop I remember the times we made love. In the early hours of the morning and underneath the stars. He was so good to me in the beginning. But I was blinded by love. I was blinded by fantasy. I was blinded by the mystery that was Alex.
He had so many elements to him. AJ could party all night. Alex could call me and make me smile. Alexander made me weak in the knees. AJ made me doubt myself. Alex stopped calling. Alexander lost himself when he lost me.
Love does so many things to a person. So many shameful things. It drives you crazy and you can't get enough of the person, their lips, their eyes, their touch. It drives you mad when their lips say things that contradict their eyes. It drives you mad when their touches feel unfamiliar and hard. It drives you mad when even their eyes tell lies.
Love can make and break a heart, a soul, a mind. Love is what gets us through the day. Love is what turns dreams into nightmares, and love is what turns nightmares into dreams. Love is too powerful for one soul to handle by itself.
The sun poured through the closed blinds.
The clock read 2:38 p.m.
Sleeping the day away doesn't help either.
If only he saw what love was capable of, then maybe waking up wouldn't be so hard.
I woke up this morning feeling lonely
There's so much my heart just does not understand
There were times when nothing really mattered
But now I find I care too much
There's life in everything I touch
I stood in front of the full-length mirror that stood in front of my. My hair, stringy and limp. My eyes tired and blacked. My smile, non-existent. I used to know who I was. I used to be beautiful. Now, I don't know which way is up.
Look what love has done to me
I am not who I used to be
Everything is changing, now we'll never be the same
Look at what love has done to us
Will we ever learn to trust
We're running out of time, there's so little time
Baby look what love has done to me
Oh, yeah
His face appeared behind me. His reflection bounced off the glass. His eyes looked straight at me. Saw through me, looked through me.
" What are you doing here?"
" I don't know."
" Yes you do. I'm so sick of your bullshit answers Nick."
" Say what you came to say, because I don't have the patience for you anymore."
" I thought, you said, you said forever."
" How much of this do you think I can take? Huh Nick? Do you think I can live with this abuse forever?"
" Abuse?"
" Yes. This quasi relationship we have, its one step below what AJ did to me."
" Don't compare me to him, don't ever compare me to him!"
" Jesus Nick. Don't you see what you've done to me? I'm a mess. I'm a mess because of you. Because you get to me! And as hard as I try to ignore the feeling I can't. I love you. And I just tell myself, that one day you'll grow up enough to see that."
Now it's late at night, I'm here without you
I'm trying to make my way to where you are
Can't you see, I'll still be here waiting
Can't you see, our two hearts were always meant to be
as one
Nick looked at me as if he were trying to see so deep into my soul, into a place that was even untouchable to him. He just kept looking. He began to walk around the room, not taking his eyes off me.
My eyes began to water. My tears for AJ fall because I knew he was many a different person. My tears fall because I know that coming out at any stage of your life is nerve wracking and I know that Nick doesn't mean to hurt me as he does. My tears fall because in all the time I spend worrying about Nick, and worrying about AJ and how they reflect on me, I forgot to worry about myself.
" Nick?"
" Hmm?"
" Look at me. Please. Look what love has done to me."
Look at what love has done to us
When will we ever learn to trust
We're running out of time, there's so little time, baby
Will you look what love has done to me
" Nick?"
" Yeh."
" What do we do?"
" I don't know."
" Nick?"
" Yeh."
" I love you."
" I know."
" Nick?"
" Yeh."
" Do you see?"
" Yeh."
" Nicky?"
" Yeh."
" Do you love me?"
" Of course I do."
" But Nicky?"
" Yeh."
" Don't you see, that isn't enough anymore."
I'm calling out your name, baby
Calling out, calling out, yeah, yeah, yeah
Nick sank onto the bed. His head in his hands. The muffled sounds of crying echoed off the walls. Nick slipped off the bed and onto his knees as his sobs shook the room.
" I see, I see, I see, I see."
With every word, every syllable, the cries got worse. And all I could do was listen. I touched his shoulder he shrugged it off. I sank to my knees; he looked the other way.
Now look at what love has done to us
When will we ever learn to trust
We're running out of time
There's so, so little time, baby
Oh, look what love has done
Baby look what love has done to me
Look what love has done
Done to me
The thing with Nick is, he sees, but he can't look. ~~~~~~~~~ sorry its taken so long. college life can b a bitch i just wanted to congradulate all the winners of this years bbsa! and for my part, being nominated was one fo the best feelings, so thank you all as always, feedback to: MrClean290@aol.com is loved thanks to all who have been sending me feedback 13 should be written over thanksgiving