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Sorry theres been a gap, lots of real life stuff going on. Probably won't be able to post as regularly for a couple of weeks.
Sam xx
"Are You okay?" Gervais asks Chris when Blue drops them back on campus.
"I don't know. I don't know who to believe. I can't believe my parents pissed away my college fund, guess Clara has got me by the balls. Her way or debt." Chris says.
"She can be difficult but she's not asking much from you and she's buying a house for you and your friends." Gervais says.
"I know. I'll be flush charging them rent." Chris grins.
"Want me to come over?" Gervais asks.
"No I need to talk to Bea. She is a pain but she's my sister and I don't want her to miss out. I'll call you." Chris says.
Gervais feels sick. Not ever having a mom he doesn't know for sure how he's have reacted but he's pretty certain that he'd understand a roof over their head and medical bills came ahead of clothes and phones. But he accepts money has never really been a worry. He'd have swapped all of it for a week of the sort of attention Lana gives Chris and Bea.
"Your mom gone?" Gervais asks Robin who is watching TV with DeShawn and George.
"Yeah just now. You need me?" Robin asks and Gervais nods.
"Chris is a major douche and I don't know what to do." Gervais says.
"End it. What did he do?" Robin asks and Gervais describes lunch.
"I'd be pretty annoyed if my parents had done that. Even now if my parents lost their jobs and couldn't cover me in order to keep a roof over my sisters heads I'd understand but I'd also resent it a little." Robin says.
"I know its easier to think well of ourselves when we're well off. I did think about how Elliot or Jesse might react and I am pretty sure they would never have been so entitled about it all. I want to end it, I do. I really do, it isn't for me. But if I do he will unleash on Blue, they both will." Gervais says.
"Look it is weird you are dating at all. You don't love him and you never have. You have told yourself that you do to justify breaking Blue's heart every day. You're not moving on by dating Chris. You need to have a word with yourself." Robin says.
"I don't think all that is true but some is I know. Part of me doesn't want to rock the boat because of my relationship with Clara. She's my mom now too and because things are not unconditional between her and Blue, at least not right now I worry that if I cause hurt between Blue and Chris I will lose her." Gervais admits feeling awful.
"The problem is at first you stayed with Chris because you knew breaking up would stop him and Blue being friends. You now want to break up because Chris is a prick, nothing to do with Blue at all, you wouldn't be leaving to go back to Blue. Chris will see it as Blue's fault regardless and you want to protect Blue from more pain." Robin says.
"Right. So what do I do?" Gervais asks.
"The thing you have forgotten is Blue doesn't like Chris. Blue really, really won't like him after what happened at lunch. He's making an effort for your sake nothing else. Have you thought about how bad Blue would feel if he knew you felt trapped in a relationship with someone because of him?" Robin asks.
"l know what its like to have little to no family. I know that Blue and Chris don't get on right now but chances are Chris will grow up and in a few years be someone worth knowing. I would hate for Blue to not have the chance at a real relatives down the line." Gervais says.
"Are you asking me to come up with a plan to get Chris to dump you? Because my plans, whether I intend for them to happen or not tend to cause shit." Robin says and they both fall about laughing.
"Blue seems a lot better since he got back." Gervais says.
"I hope Clara doesn't beat him back down tonight. She was crazy over break." Robin says.
"I know, he could do no right. Made us all feel like shit." Gervais says.
"Was it a ploy to do that, to make everyone like him more?" Robin asks.
"She's devious but if that was her plan she went much too far." Gervais says.
"Sounds like she went pretty far with Chris today for a first meeting." Robin says.
"She also bought him a house, where he'll no doubt make his friends pay a hefty amount to stay in." Gervais says.
"Wow. I'd never even considered that." Robin smiles.
"Your mom is so excited that she can do this for us. Its nice. Different to how Clara is doing it and Spence left to make the decision alone. You mom is like I worked hard for my kids and I love to see them happy. Its sweet and you are not at all obnoxious." Gervais says.
"Why would I be? I'm happy and loved. I get frustrated with my sisters not knowing how good we have it but they will turn out okay. Blue was great with my sisters and he is with Ocean and Katelyn, he's a born big brother without knowing it. It is Bea and Chris who missed out not Blue." Robin suddenly says.
"I think it would be healthy for Blue if we switched our attitude to that. It is Chris and Bea missing out now not Blue. He said after the lunch with their parents that he has no need of a relationship with them and he's right. He has your parents, Cheryl and Roe in his life if he needs an extra parent and he can trust them." Gervais says.
"So you've just about run out of reasons to stay with Chris." Robin says.
"I have. I really have. Blue and I fooled around again the other night and it was great." Gervais admits.
"You can't just expect to get him back." Robin says.
"l don't. I absolutely won't go there. But I might spend some more time in his bed. I need to be single just like he does. All of us need to sort ourselves out, you, Spence, Andy, me and Blue. Hell George too." Gervais says.
"So go and do it then. Go end it." Robin says.
"After Clara has gone home." Gervais says.
"I thought you said Chris and Bea were spoiled. Didn't sound like it today." Blue says.
"Bea told me lots of stories about growing up that I think were meant to be cute but were just revolting to me. Refusing the meal that their mother prepared and regularly making her cook others, making themselves sick if she refused. The sibling rivalry which made their parents over indulge them both when it came to hobbies and sports, dropping commitments for no reason, no continuity. If they had attention from one parent each they wouldn't stop playing up until they had the attention of two. Their parents were scared of them and they took advantage." Clara says.
"And you call me over indulged and selfish. Momma I think it is time we parted ways completely." Blue says quietly.
"You think you can go it alone, with only a high school diploma and three semesters of college?" Clara asks.
"I think it would be best for me. I don't ever want to feel as low as I did over break. I've been in a fog ever since I found out your secret. Letting Cheryl tell your side was low. Not talking to me over break, excluding me, pushing me out the house that was unforgivable. Never mind the way you bad mouthed me at every opportunity and supported my friends who were behaving badly. What exactly did I do to warrant all that?" Blue asks.
"Dropping out of college and working won't change any of what has happened. It will all still be true. You sill still have a father and two siblings that you only just met. If you go now then you will never be able to come home." Clara says.
"What home? Your house was a nightmare for me this break. You know what they did to me and you still supported them and not me." Blue complains.
"From what I understand they didn't actually do anything to you. You are being a dramaqueen and that is why you struggle to maintain friendships. If you can't keep college friends for five minutes how will you maintain relationships in the workplace? How will you keep clients? You have a lot of growing up to do and the sooner you stopped blaming everyone else and being so dramatic the sooner things will be on an even keel." Clara says.
"You are never going to talk to me about why you kept everything a secret are you? You are never going to talk to me about it at all. Deflect, deflect, deflect." Blue screams.
"I am not going to justify my life choices to you. No." Clara says.
"Then why bother to come down? To buy Chris a house?" Blue asks.
"Are you jealous? Is that what this is?" Clara asks.
"I am jealous you spent all that time with Bea and didn't include me. I am not jealous you bought Chris a house. I'm embarrassed that you went so far to get him on side and embarrassed about the way you trashed his parents. I am jealous that they got to grow up with an extended family and I was hidden away like a shameful secret. At least I know now why I was never good enough. I wasn't the one you wanted. I don't know if it was Bea or Chris you originally chose but I know it wasn't me, I know that the baby that Paul shoved at you that night wasn't the one you had been feeding and nurturing from birth. I've been a cuckoo this whole time. If I was perfect you might bring yourself to love me but I wasn't. Nothing was enough for you. Even now when I am offering to go it isn't good enough because it is not your decision. Let me go. Go be a mother to Chris and Bea." Blue says and storms out the door. Blue steps out the emergency exit onto the roof of the hotel and jumps.