Hey friends!
This story is A LOT different that what I usually write and what you would read on this archive. Its all about the feelings of a straight teenage boy, and the journey he goes through when his best friends of 15 years reveals that he has been inlove with him for several years. How does a STRAIGHT guy really handle something like that? What goes through his mind, really? And how does he cope, with understanding his friend's feelings?
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Hugz, Ryan
The Straight Side
Seventeen year old Jordan Matthews sprinted down the stairs from his room, grabbed two Cokes from the fridge on his way out to his best friend, Jason Pilkington's house, propped it into his ruck sack, said goodbye to his mom and left for Jason's house. He got into his car and drove the short way to his best friend. That night there was gonna be so fucking much happening, and frankly, Jordan couldn't wait! He was finally gonna lose his virginity that night to his long standing girlfriend, Maya...good God, he was getting horny just thinking about that! His dick was positively throbbing at the thought. But what Jordan didn't know, was that that night, he would find something out about his best friend, about different ways of life, about acceptance of who people really was...and most of all, he would discover a most delicate part about himself, which he never would have guessed otherwise.
Jason was already waiting for him in their front yard when Jordan pulled up and parked his car. He got out with a bright, wide smile on his face and opened up his bag, grabbing one of the Cokes and tossing it over to Jason, who grabbed it athetically.
"Watsup bro! Ready for the big losing of your childhood youth and innocence tonight?" Jason joked, quoting what their Biology teacher had preeched about when they were tackling the issue of sex between humans. Himself and Jordan had to literally stuff their fists into their mouths to avoid a potential detention, and then all their plans would be down the drain pipe.
"Hell yeah J-Dog, I have been this ready ever since I was thirteen and I grew my very first fucking pube! Seriously dude, I cannot wait for tonight. Seventeen and finally gonna fuck a girl..."
"Well if Maya wasn't so hell bent of waiting then you wouldn't have been! Or maybe if you took my advice and got yourself another girl to stick your dick into..."
"Come on, J-Dog, you're taking it too far now. I told you, if there was gonna be dick sticked in pussies, it would be with Maya. Come on, lets play a little FIFA 12 before we get ready."
Jordan and Jason had a fantastic relationship. They had literally been friends ever since they were like two years old, when their mom's met eachother when taking their respective kids to the park and needless to say, the two boys immediately started playing together and the rest was history until this day, almost fifteen years later. Jason had lost since lost his virginity at the age of 14, when he and the girl who use to babysit him, fucked his brains out, and eversince then, Jordan was frustrated that he hadn't gotten the chance to do exactly the same. There wasn't anything that Jordan nor Jason wouldn't do for eachother, like for example, when Jason had gotten bust for smoking pot at the back of the gymnasium at school, it was Jordan who had come forward and told the principal that it was him who did it, not James. When Jordan had accidently broken a windown at Jason's house when playing baseball, it was Jason who told his parents that it was him, not Jordan. They were tight, and would always be.
After Jason, or J-Dog, as Jordan called him, twice defeated Jordan in FIFA 12, with Jordan playing with Real Madrid and Jason with Barcelona, they finally took a break, stunned at the time that had gone by. Jordan was to sleep over that night, hense he brought his overnight bag. Both boys got dressed in their clothes which they hoped would impress their dates most, before Jason made his way downstairs as he smelt his mom's ever famous brownies.
"Hey, hands off mister!" she playfully yelled as he managed to steal two off the plate, stuffing one into his mouth.
"Moooom! We're going out tonight, and when we get back there will be no left!" Jason groaned.
"I'll make sure to keep some for you and Jordan. Now you are out of here, you don't want your clothes to stink of food, now do you?"
Jason laughed and moved into the living room, switching on the television, hoping for some Sports Center beforehe heard Jordan coming down the stairs. Something within Jason lurched as he saw his best buddy...something that has been troubling and confusing him for well over two years now. At first he just shrugged it off as teenage hormones or shit like that, but it just refused to go away. Jordan was dressed in a red shirt with a surfer's picture riding the waves on his board, aswell as black jeans, with his signature Calvin Klein belt, with the Jesus necklace hanging around his neck. His hair was gelled, and full out of his eyes, to fully bring out the seventeen year old's georgeous looks. Jason turned away, and forced himself to think about what the evening would bring, but no matter how hard he thought about girls, their boobs, their legs, their pussies, their soft hair...each and every time it was replaced by Jordan and his good looks, Jordan, his best friend, Jordan, for whom he would do anything in the world. He refused to believe what his mind and what his heart told him these feelings towards Jordan was called. Boys simply do not feel this way towards other boys, especially if they are best friends for fifteen years.
"Looking good, J-Dog!" Jordan said as he saw Jason dressed in his blue and white striped buttoned up shirt, khaki pants relaxing in his layed back demeanor.
"Same there, bro! Its still an hour before we gotta pick up Sandra and Maya, wanna hang for a bit?"
"Sure, what's on tv?"
"Nothing much, here, I snatched you a brownie. One of mom's."
"Thanks, J-Dog. Hey, the whole time that I was getting ready, I had this fucking boner that I just HAD to get rid of..."
"Stop right there, Jordan...where exactly did you get rid of it?"
"In your room..."
"You fucking bastard! Where the fuck did you shoot your cum?"
"On your bed..."
Jason angrily jumped up and ran upwards towards his room. He stormed over to his bed...nothing...he franctically turned around to hear Jordan hanging onto the cupboard to keep from falling down, so hard he was laughing.
"Should have known better than to believe you, you fucker," Jason said, severly embarrased.
"You should have seen your face, J-Dog!!" Jason managed to get out as he clutched his stomach in sheer laughter. The thing that Jason didn't wanna tell Jordan was that he WANTED it to be true. He wanted to have Jordan's cum on his bed, in his mouth...
Jason rushed over to the bathroom and locked the door. He held onto the basin to keep a sence of normalcy, to keep his feelings under control. This was far worse than he ever thought he could handle. He so hoped and prayed that it would be just a phase or his hormones, but it wasn't. He had honestly lost the fight. He was IN LOVE with Jordan, his fucking best friend. His parents, if they EVER found out what he was feeling they would disown him, throw his ass out of the house, never have anything to do with him again. His dad was the town's pastor, and there was no way he would EVER condone feelings like this. But what was hurting him the most, was that Jordan, would never feel the same way about him. Look at how excited Jordan was about losing his virginity tonight. The reason that Jason had pushed Jordan into this, was he thought that if he could face the facts taht Jordan was gay full in the face, by him finally sleeping with Maya, then we would possibly get over Jordan and finally accept that Jordan would never be his.
But his plan grossly backfired. His heart was aching, so much so that he looked up into the bathroom mirror and saw the unshed tears in his own eyes that he refused to allow out.
"Why, God? Why did you make me in love with my best friend..." he whispered as he finally could not keep the tears in any longer. He clutched that basin in his hands as if he wanted to rip it from the walls. But he also knew that doing that, would no take away these feelings. Thus far, he had always hoped he would get over it, but since the beginning of the year, he knew he HAD to accept it, and hide it, but because Jordan still hadn't gotten any sex out of Maya, there was the small little hope that was created inside Jason's mind. But that same small hope was burning its very last flame. Because after Jordan sleeps with Maya tonight, it was all over. He sighed and wiped away his tears.
"J-Dog? You okay, bro?" he heard Jordan calling him, his heart fluttering everytime he heard his voice. WHY WHY WHY couldn't he feel this way about a GIRL?? WHY??? Jason straightned his back and unlocked the door.
"Hey dude, I'm...I'm really not feeling well. I think you better go on the date with Maya, and I'll just called Sandra and tell her I feel like shit. Must have been something I ate..."
"Come on J-Dog! You cannot drop me like this?" Jordan said, really dissapointed. He really wanted to share this night with Jason, his best friend. They had a bond which very seldom two boys could rival.
"Dude, I'm not feeling well, okay? If I go with, I'll fucking vomit my guts out infront of Sandra and Maya. Then Maya sure as fuck won't give you any sex tonight."
"Okay J-Dog, but if you need anything..."
"...then my mom will be here. Dude, go and enjoy your date and whatever happens afterwards. You have waited long enough. Please, I'll be fine."
"Are you fucking sure? I can cancel Maya..." Jordan pressed on, which really just pushed the anger and hurt even more deeper inside Jason's heart.
"Yeah, bro. Come back afterwards and you can still sleepover. Maybe I'll feel better later on. Im just gonna tell my mom," Jason said before turning away from Jordan. It took all his seflcontrol to do what he just did. He willingly walked away from Jordan, because he fucking knew, that this was it. After tonight, there would be no chance, no fucking chance, that Jordan would ever be romantically intested in him.
Eventually Jordan was ready to leave and pick up Maya. Sandra had been pissed like mad when Jason told her he wasn't feeling well, but to hell with her. Jason stood up and walked Jordan over to his car.
"Dude...just be sure that you wear a condom, okay? I don't think you wanna be a father just yet," Jason tried to make a joke, just to make himself feel better.
"Haha, no way! This monster still has lots of asses and pussies to fuck before he makes me a daddy! Wow...but think about it, J-Dog...having a little boy who looks just like you...teaching him to play football and shit...One day, we will look back on this day J-Dog, when he both are old and our wives are in the graves! Shit, I gotta go, don't wanna keep Maya waiting! Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" Jordan asked, placing his hand around Jason's shoulder.
Jason's complexion was as hard as steel when he said: "Yeah bro, you just go on and have a good time."
Then Jordan did exactly what Jason had begged him mentally NOT to do...he embraced his best friend very, very tighly, and Jason...just once...allowed his forehead to gently rest on Jordan's shoulder, as he silently breathed in the latter's scent, that special part of Jordan which made him Jordan....then it was gone, as Jordan released him.
"I'll tell you everything tonight when I get back, okay? Lets hope I don't fucking cum in like 5 seconds or something! I love you, J-Dog," he said before he winked at Jason, turned around and got into his car. He honked the hooter before Jason couldn't see him anymore. The tears that he was trying so badly to hide, now just unleashed themselves on Jason's face. Jordan loved kids, he badly loves girls, that was all he talked about. He really wanted to be a father some day, he always said he wanted to be like his parents, who really, loved eachother after being married for 25 years.
What right did he, Jason have to keep Jordan from having that? What right did he have as a boy to want Jordan for himself? To take away from him what he really wanted out of life? Jason looked up at the nightsky, the moon just inching out behind those trees, the leaves and small branches of the later moving so swiftly in the summer breeze. It was then that Jason made up his mind, to a plan that has been coming along in his mind for the last couple of weeks. He had always hoped, but it just wasn't meant to be.
Jason walked back into the house, and told his mom to not to wake him up, as he wanted to get some sleep before Jordan got back from his date. He didn't want any disturbances...he closed his bedroom door behind him and fell flat onto his bed as he started to cry. He buried his face inside his thick pillow and screamed his frustrations out in his heartbreaking cries. After a few minutes, he got up, he really needed to see Jordan's face. He reached under his bed, and pulled out a photo album, the same one had had looked through every night for the past few weeks. It was an album that he created especially for himself and Jordan. Even though each photo was familiar to him by now, this time he looked at them as if seeing them for the first time.
Pics of him and Jordan at the beach, at the mall, at the sports events at school, a few younger ones of them eating ice cream, smearing eachother with mud and clay, running around semi naked as toddlers, their very first time drinking coffee together, their graduation from kindergarten and Junior High, and then his most prized possession, the one photo which Jason just could not tear his eyes from, which was standing on his night stand.
It was taken two months ago, when Jason had his seventeenth birthday. He and Jordan had their arms around eachother, smiling for Jordan's mom as she took the photo. Jason didn't even give all the photo's second thoughts, but two days after his birthday, Jordan had given him the photo completely framed. They looked so happy that day. Jason turned the frame and took the photo itself out. On the back Jordan had written:
"For the best buddy a dude could ever have!
I love you, J-Dog.
Jordan"
The tears continued to flow as Jason more and more realised that his love for Jordan was never gonna be returned in he way he wanted, needed it. He forcefully grabbed and threw the album out of his window so hard that it snapped against the window cill before falling to the ground. With his eyes blurred because of wetness, he rushed to his diary and tore out two random pages, grabbed a pen and started writing. When he was done he carefully grabbed two envelopes from his school stationary and placed the two letters respectively inside their own ones. As if his body was controlled by a robot, he quietly unlocked the door, and he walked to the top of the stairs. His parents were peacefully watching Dancing with the Stars, so he made his move. He walked into his parents's bedroom, and he punched in the security code to open the safe that his father had built in. With his hands really shaking now, he took out the gun, feeling the coldness of the handle and the metal surfice underneath his fingers. It had to be done.
He walked back to his room and locked the door. He quietly sat on the bed and reached for the photo of himself and Jordan.
"I love you...I love you so much..." he said before clutching it tightly to his heart, his tears once more flowing. When he looked up, his face was stone cold and he slowly reached for the gun. He looked around his room, as if to say goodbye, and then gently lifted the gun to his head.
A sudden sound shook his entire body, as he noticed his cellphone vibrating on his nightstand. He allowed the gun to fall next to him, grabbed his phone. It was a text message. From Jordan.
"Dude...this is it! She's gone to the toilet, and Im waiting in her room! Wish me luck! ?"
The only sound that Jason heard was his phone falling onto the carpet. He closed his eyes, and sent a silent prayer to the Man upstairs. He then mechanically walked to his his bed, and grabbed the gun once more, and held it to his sleep.
"I love you, Jordan..." he croaked as he pulled the trigger.
As Jordan got back to Jason's house, there only a single light on inside. They normally climbed over the fence and then up the tree outside J-Dog's bedroom to get inside even since they were younger. Once he was in the room, and looked over as Jason's bed, but he wasn't there. It was also so fucking dark, he couldn't see straight. He walked over carefully towards the switch and turned it on...only for his eyes to widen dramatically and a strange cry escaping from his throat. He frantically pulled at the door, but it was locked, but once it was, he stormed out towards J-Dog's parents who was peacefully drinking coffee in the kitchen.
"Jordan! Hey buddy, it looks like you saw a ghost!" Pastor Pilkington laughed.
"Want some coffee, Jordan? I was just waiting for you to come back before checking on Jason. Poor thing, I wonder what was making him sick earlier," Mrs Pilkington said.
Jordan was stuck, moulded to where he was standing. It was Pastor Pilkington who saw that something was terribely, terribely wrong.
"Jordan?" he asked, before the latter finally got a word out.
"J...J-Dog, he's..."
Pastor Pilkington gave his wife one look, and combined with Jordan's strange behaviour, he dashed upstairs with his wife in close persuit. And as Jordan heard the screams and the frantic movement aswell as the crying that was coming from upstairs, he suddenly lost his balance and fell into a darkness that felt never ending.
Thanks for reading. There has been so many stories on Nifty dealing with how gay teenagers handle the pressure and the heartache of being inlove with a straight guy. I wanted to write this from the straight person (Jordan)'s point of view, and how he will cope knowing his best friend committed suicide, because he was inlove with him and couldn't bare to tell him.
The character of Jordan is really straight, and had nothing except pure brotherly love for Jason, whom he affectionately called J-Dog. In the next chapter, Jordan gets to read the letter Jason had written to him. How will he handle why Jason did what he did?
Please send me a e-mail at ryanstories@yahoo.com I always make sure that I reply to each and every one I get!
I will be writing a brand new mystery story in the College section, called Where is Jonny Parker?
All my love, Ryan White