THE STAR'S SHADOW 9
USUAL DISCLAIMER
"THE STAR'S SHADOW" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.
THE STAR'S SHADOW
Written by Andrej Koymasky
October 6th 1993
©2020
translated by the Author
English text kindly revised by Hank
CHAPTER 9
TO THE ORIGINS
A few days later Pierre informed Jean Luc that Patrick's step-father still lived in Autun and that his mother was in a nursing home in Dijon. Using the pretext of having to take care of some family business, Jean Luc told Patrick he had to be away from Corsica for about a week. Before leaving Jean Luc, saying he was Patrick, made a telephone call to let him know of his upcoming visit. He left for Marseille. From there he took the train to Le Creuzot and then the bus to Autun.
Once in Autun he was looking for a taxi to go to the stepfather's house, when he heard a voice calling, "Patrick!"
He turned to see a man in his fifties, with a short grey goatee looking with a smile at him and was coming towards him.
With a hesitant look Jean Luc said, "Hi..."
"Oh, Patrick! You can't imagine how happy I was when I received your call after so many years! Now that you are famous, a star, I thought you forgot about us..."
"As you can see, that's not so. How is Mum?"
"The same. Now she is in a nursing home in Dijon. I didn't tell her you were coming. I didn't know if you wanted to see her."
"Of course I do..."
"Good, I'll go with you. I took some leave so I could be with... But, come now, I have my car parked over there... Let's go home. How long is it now that you've been away from Autun?"
"About six or seven years, isn't it?"
"No, eight! The town has changed. You'll no longer recognize it except for the old town centre."
"Do you still live in the old house?"
"No. After your Mum had to go to hospital, I rented a smaller apartment."
"Do you live alone?"
The man looked at him rather surprised, then said: "Yes, of course."
"Did you book a hotel room for me?"
"No. If you really want, we can find one, but... you can sleep at my place, can't you?" the man asked while studying Jean Luc's expression.
"I didn't know if you would want me to or not..." the boy answered.
"Not like having you at home? But of course I do. It would please me greatly, Patrick..." There was embarrassment in the man's forced smile. "You... you never came back even once in all these years..."
"The race to become a celebrity completely absorbed my time."
"I thought you were angry with me..."
"No. I thought of you, more than once..."
"You left so... with such a coldness!"
"I was just a boy. With time and maturity I have reconsidered many things."
"You told me that at last... you could free yourself from me."
"Yes, I remember." Jean Luc lied, "But I was at the age when boys want to be free from everybody - especially their own family. It's an age when a boy feels the need to fly on his own wings." Jean Luc added giving more rope to the man.
Patrick's stepfather was tense and hesitant.
Jean Luc continued, "You know... there are things that you can understand only years afterwards..."
"Right..."
"... when you reorganize memories and re-valuate events. If I am a famous singer today, I owe that to you who educated and trained my voice..."
The man seemed pleased: "There was talent in you. I just made it come out, but the rest, you who did it..."
"I would probably not be a famous singer today if it weren't for your teaching..."
"You are being kind."
When they arrived home, Patrick's stepfather told him, "Look, I sleep in that room. There isn't a guest room, but I can prepare the sofa bed here in the living room if you will be happy with that... it is comfortable and by closing the door, you can have privacy..."
"Whatever you like, Martin."
"You used to call me Dad..."
"Well... in all these years I always thought of you as Martin,..."
"I see."
Jean Luc wanted to talk about their sexual relationship. He decided to wait... hoping the man would bring that up first.
"Martin, I don't find you changed at all."
"Really? The years seem to weigh heavily on everyone. You have become a truly beautiful young man. But, then again, you were beautiful when you were a kid..."
"You did like me, didn't you?"
"So very much, as you well know."
"Yes, I know. At times, I recall...."
"Do you?"
"It seems logical, doesn't it?"
"And... what do you recall?"
"It was a strange period of my life. Important, by the way and I remember some... some moments in particular."
"Me too, Patrick, me too. And with great nostalgia."
"It was a strange time for me, wasn't it? I was torn..."
"Love - hate..." the man said with a nod.
"No, not really. I didn't... couldn't yet see myself clearly in..."
"And now?"
"Now I can. At least much more clearly than I did then."
"Do you have a girl friend? The newspaper said that..."
"Oh, the newspapers! My PR man writes up those pieces for the press. No, there are no women in my life. I'm not interested in them."
"Really?"
"You should not be the one to be stupefied." Jean Luc answered with a smile.
"Yes, but... you know... The first experiences of a boy are not really so decisive as it is claimed..."
"True, they aren't. But, they help to decide how one is made. And you... you helped me in that." Jean Luc suggested with a barely cunning smile.
The man seemed uncertain and didn't pick up on the hint. He was looking straight into Jean Luc' eyes. The boy decided not to push that subject any farther for the moment. He had enough time.
The man wasn't as he had imagined him to be. He had an intelligent face and was evidently refined and learned. They spent the day talking of this and that. Martin prepared the bed in the living room in the evening as Jean Luc went into the bathroom. He came out wearing the silk kimono he had bought in Japan.
"You must be tired, Patrick... Do you want to hit the sack now?"
"No, it is just ten 'o clock. Do you feel like chatting some more?"
"Certainly, and willingly."
"Do you still direct the Cathedral's Choir?"
"Yes, of course."
"Skilled boys? Beautiful voices?"
"Oh, never again one like yours."
"And... handsome boys?" Jean Luc asked quietly.
The man giggled with embarrassment: "Yes, there are. But it is different... I cannot compromise myself with them... You... you were at home."
"Yes, of course. Do you remember that first time?"
"How can I not remember it? You were... scared, and yet..."
"... I liked it, yes, I can clearly remember that."
"Yes..."
"Just I... I don't remember any more where it happened... I just can remember it happened. But not really where... Isn't that curious? Strange, isn't it?"
"At times memories are that way. At times you can remember names but not faces, the places but not where they were... I... about that first time... I remember every detail."
"Would you... mind telling me your memories of it?"
"If you want..."
"Certainly."
"We were up in the chancel of the cathedral. The Sunday afternoon service was over. All the other choristers swarmed away running down the winding staircase as usual. You and I remained there, alone. I was tidying up all the scores. You went behind the big organ -- you were always curious to see its mechanisms. You saw them God knows how many times, but each time you went to look at them again. You were still wearing the white tunic with the two purples bands... I came to look for you and you looked like an angel to me. You were so beautiful... I caressed you just like I had done other times. I touched you under your tunic in the same ways I had done previously. Do you remember? You liked being touched and caressed by me."
"Yes... I was really excited by the way you were touching me."
"Certainly, yes, and that time you were very excited. I became terribly aroused too, and I desired you as I never had before... I embraced you from behind. I raised your tunic, then lowered your shorts and briefs... and touched you again. I noticed that your face was very red, but you too were aroused. I desired you so much. I wanted you. I prepared your little sweet arse with my fingers wet with saliva. You understood, I think, and started to whisper 'No, Dad... not here... no...' But you didn't move, you didn't oppose. So, I finally took you, there, in the cathedral's chancel, behind the ancient organ..."
"It hurt, and yet I liked it..." Jean Luc ventured.
"Oh yes... When I penetrated your beautiful virgin little arse, you uttered a wail and I had to put my hand over your mouth. And then, you completely relaxed. You fully surrendered to my desire and I was able to sink into you and start to move inside of you... It was so wonderful taking you. I was mad for you, Patrick. I... I still am..." the man said, seizing Jean Luc's hand and kissing it.
"I wanted you to stop, even though I also liked it."
"Oh yes, Patrick, very much. After that first day, every time I took you... you trembled with excitement and fell willingly into my arms and let me make love to you. In my bed you just completely gave yourself to me. I would have loved you to participate, but... when I put you down on my bed, you just laid back, relaxed completely and docilely abandoned yourself to me and let me have my way..."
"But I never asked you to take me, right?"
"No, you were ashamed. But whenever I caressed you between your legs you became aroused at once. When I unbuttoned your shorts, you always murmured 'No, Dad...' but I knew that was your way to say 'Yes.' When Mum was not at home and you were showering you never locked the door. I waited until you stopped the water, then I went in to dry you... You abandoned yourself in my arms. Then I raised your wonderful body and took you into my bed... and there I made you mine. You would just shut your eyes and quiver all over with excitement..."
"Yes, that, I can clearly remember." Jean Luc lied.
"Patrick... I still desire you so much..." the man murmured moving his hand to feel Jean Luc's groin.
"Martin... but I changed, I don't like being taken any more..."
"Good Lord, you have become bigger here too... May I... may I suck it, at least?"
"Yes... But you never sucked me before."
As he spread the edges of Jean Luc's kimono, he said, "No, I didn't. I was mad for your nice tight little arse. There you were so small then. You didn't have such a beautiful rod... yet..."
Jean Luc guided the man's head between his legs. Martin sucked with such voracity that Jean Luc's erection slipped deeply into his throat. Then Martin's head moved up and down on the beautiful erect rod, which he believed was Patrick's until he brought the boy to orgasm and carefully sucked the offering down to the last drop.
As Martin stood up with a satisfied smile and the boy was closing his kimono, Jean Luc asked him: "Will you take me to the cathedral's chancel tomorrow?"
"Certainly, Patrick."
"I would like to see again where we... the first time..."
"You want to remember?"
"Yes, I need to fill a gap in my memory."
"They say that you never forget your first time, but I don't remember mine either. You know, it must have been thirty five years ago..."
"Why... why did you marry Mum?"
"Because... I wanted you. It was over a year that you had been in the choir, and I was dying for you."
"You always liked little boys?"
"No, more or less. You were the youngest with which... but you were so gorgeous. You still are gorgeous!"
"But now? How come you are all alone?"
"Not really alone... At times the sexton's eighteen-year-old son comes to visit me. He is a very sweet boy."
"Did you... introduce him to... these things?"
"No, when I approached him he already was experienced... and he is a wildfire!"
"Not like me..."
"Oh, you... you completely abandoned yourself to me. Afterwards you would remain on the bed for a while and tremble and quiver since you were so overwhelmed by pleasure."
"Did I stay that way for long?"
"Bah... thirty minutes, an hour... I caressed you, but the complete wonderful abandonment with which you welcomed me inside you was so exhausting..."
"Yes." Jean Luc bitterly commented.
The next day they went up the Cathedral's chancel. Martin guided Jean Luc behind the great organ. "It was here... Do you remember, now?"
"Yes..." Jean Luc lied.
Them suddenly, he emitted a loud "Oh!". An echo of a thousand "oh's" was heard intertwining in the air and bouncing among the vaults, superposing and then slowly vanishing. It was as if a thousand mouths had emitted that sound.
And Jean Luc could imagine a little Patrick who was paralyzed by the fear of that act he had undergone in such sacred place. That echo that must have filled his troubled soul... And he understood at once Patrick's fear of being touched after the show while being in the middle of a thousand shouting voices. When Patrick was singing, it was different. It was "during" the sacred rite. But afterwards... The yelling of his fans was his own shout multiplied by the vaults. The hands of his fans were the hands of Martin groping him and imprisoning him with lust.
Looking at Jean Luc's face, Martin asked, "What's wrong, Patrick?"
"Nothing. Memories."
"You became pale..."
"You... you shouldn't have done it here... right inside the cathedral... while I was wearing the white tunic... You profaned my innocence, my purity, my soul. And you weren't' even aware of it. Oh, Martin... You could never guess the evil that you did to me that afternoon in this place. My abandonment which you loved so much... was sheer terror..."
"But... but I..." the confused man murmured.
"I can not even hate you. You are not a bad man. You are just... I don't know. It's not up to me to judge you."
The man was completely confused and was looking at Jean Luc with his mouth open.
Jean Luc lightly took his arm: "Let's go home, now. We can leave. Now, I know."
"You... you hate me, Patrick? Do you despise me?"
"No. I pity you. Let little boys be at peace, Martin. If you feel a need, as I feel also, look for somebody older, an adult, not an adolescent."
"I..."
"You don't need to justify yourself to me. What happened between us... happened. I don't blame you... I just hope to be able to recover from it. Let's go, now."
Jean Luc was back in Corsica earlier than expected. Now that he understood Patrick's trauma, he asked himself how he could help Patrick overcome it. He thought that ideally it would be to take him right to Autun, into the chancel... but he knew that almost certainly Patrick would refuse to go there. How could he recreate that setting, that memory? How could he replay that scenario? Jules had partially recreated it, but in the worst possible way.
Jean Luc decided to go to Bastia with the faint hope there was a suitable church that was similar in some ways to Autun's cathedral. He took the runabout and said he was going downtown to do some shopping. He visited Bastia's churches, but not one of them seemed suitable.
A few days later he was again in Bastia shopping for a small present for his Patrick and he went to sit in a coffee house. He was drinking his orange juice when he noticed a young man looking at him more than casually. Jean Luc was wearing a wig and dark glasses so he was sure the man could not think he was Patrick. The young man didn't stop looking at him and after a while he stood up and with his glass in hand he approached Jean Luc.
"May I sit here with you?" he asked with a smile.
"Please..." Jean Luc answered, looking at him.
The man sat and said, "I'm Alain."
"How do you do. I'm Jean Luc."
"A tourist?"
"Yes, and you?"
"Half and half. I was born here and I still have some relatives here, but I live in Rouen. I was looking at you before. You know, you are a very handsome man..."
"Thanks."
"Are you here alone?"
"No, I am a guest of friends."
"Are you staying for a while?"
"A little while... but not here in Bastia. Do you live here?"
"Yes, in a hotel, not with my relatives. You were so thoughtful. Am I disturbing you?"
"No, no..."
"I would like to get to know you..."
"It seems that's what we are doing."
"What do you?"
"A... secretary."
"In a firm?"
"No, privately. What about you?"
"I am a psychologist. Why that glance? Do you think it's strange work?"
"No, on the contrary... just before I was thinking that I needed a psychologist..."
"Ah! Do you have problems?"
"Yes, but not for me, for a friend."
"A... dear friend?"
"Very close."
"Would you like to tell me?"
Jean Luc smiled. "What is your fee?"
Alain also smiled. "We are both on holiday. Free advice... mainly because I like you."
Jean Luc smiled at him and asked, "That's the second time you said that. Is it a... proposal?"
"Why not? I really like you."
"The problem is that... I am with this friend. An intimate friend, I mean, I am not free."
"I too have a friend... a boyfriend. He is not here now, but he will arrive on Sunday for his holiday with me. But, he is not jealous. He allows me some casual affairs as long as if I don't overdo it. Is your man jealous?"
"I don't know. We never talked about it. There hasn't been any reason to."
"Have you been together for a long time?"
"We met in mid May. We have been together since about mid July."
"Oh, not so long."
"What about you two?"
"Four years. So then, do you want to tell me about your friend's problem?"
"I hope you don't demand afterwards payment in goods..."
"I wouldn't regret that arrangement at all, but... free I said and free it will be."
Jean Luc felt an instinctive liking for Alain and therefore told him Patrick's problem, even though he never named him and tried not to let him know who his friend really was.
"Your analysis seems very accurate to me. It is very likely just as you think it was. The church and the concerts hall, the echo and that man's hands and the shouts and hands of his fans... His reaction when he was raped by his stepfather and his reaction when he is raped, so to say, by his audience... Yes, I really believe you see it correctly. But to free him from these memories I don't think you need to take him where it started. It could be useful sure, but... but he has all ready carried out a transposition of elements before, therefore..."
They discussed it for a while longer and an idea, a plan, started to form in Jean Luc's head. He told Alain what he thought and the psychologist made some suggestions that include a few variations and some complete changes.
In the end Alain asked him: "May I ask you a question?"
"What about?"
"I swear to you beforehand that if you confirm what I presume, it will remain a secret. We psychologists are bound to professional secrecy. And this, even though free, is a regular service..."
"Good. Go ahead, ask me."
"Your friend is Patrick Dupuis, the singer?"
Jean Luc looked at him slightly stupefied, but nodded, "How did you know that?"
"I know he has a villa not far from here, and I know he is gay, therefore..."
"And how do you know he is gay?"
"My boyfriend really loves Patrick's songs. He always plays them as background music when we make love. Before meeting me he had a short relationship of a few months with a boy who was a paid escort... and that boy was hired a few times to have sex with Patrick Dupuis, therefore..."
"I see. It's really a small world. Yes, my lover is Patrick, but I would like you to not tell anyone about these problems, not even your lover.."
"Of course not. I will say not a word to anybody, not even to my René. May I just tell him I met Patrick's lover?"
"For the moment not even that, please. Instead I... I have to ask you a very big kindness - may I have your telephone number? I would like to be able to contact you if I have other problems with Patrick. In that case you will receive a check for your advice."
"Yes, of course. Here is my card. Wait, I'll write my hotel's telephone number also for while I am here..."
Jean Luc thanked him and went back to the villa. He had to tell somebody about his plan. He needed help. He didn't know to what extent he could depend on Pierre as an ally. The man acted correctly on the problem with Jules, but Jean Luc felt he was much too cold and calculating. Pierre worried about money and Patrick's psychic state of health was only secondary in his thoughts. Jean Luc didn't completely trust the man. However, he did trust Claude enough. The P.R. man was more human, sensitive and several times had support them when there was a difference of opinion about how to handle Patrick's problems. So he decided to be open with him.
He didn't tell him about Alain, but confided in Claude all his reflections and his plan. As he had guessed, Claude showed his interest in the plan at once. They decided to talk it over with Claude's assistant, Olivier. The three of them together finely tuned the details of Jean Luc's plan. Claude agreed that they didn't need to make Pierre aware of what was going on.
"He is not a bad man, and not a dishonest one, but... you are right. He is concerned above all about money. He also was most agreeable to Patrick's continuing on all those drugs, even against my opinion..." Claude commented.
CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 10
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