For a start, I didn't even go on the flaming stag night. Sam asked me - he always did ask me if I wanted to go along on these boozy occasions - but I said no as usual. I don't drink and I hate noisy, smoky bars even though I do smoke myself. Sam was a bit disappointed of course, as it was his stag night, but we've known each other quite long enough for him to know that I didn't mean anything personal by my refusal. Besides, I was to be his Best Man and somebody had to make sure he would get to the church on time. I was supposed to drag him out of the bar by one AM.
We've been friends for more than twenty years, Sam and I. We met at infant school, lived only a couple of streets apart and we've always been close. Sam was the first person to know that I was gay - after myself, of course - and my revelation to him on the eve of my seventeenth birthday had, contrary to my fears, added a further reinforcement to the bond between us. I had trusted him and he, in his turn, took that trust as sacred and cherished it. In time, the rest of the crowd got to know as well and Sam never once flinched or worried over the inevitable ribbing he got from being the best mate of the "Raving Poofter". The ribbings etc. didn't bother me either. In general it was all good-natured fun and I could give as good as I got.
Things change, of course, and in time the other guys began to get seriously interested in women. John went first, marrying Sue when he was just twenty. Simon followed six months later and then Steve married Helen who was twenty years older than himself. A lovely woman she is, too, and she and I have become quite good friends. It's amazing how much fun you can have perusing the men's underwear section of any mail-order catalogue in the company of the right person. I had my own affairs as well, of course, but nothing serious had developed.
I confess I dreaded the day when Sam would fall. Of all the crowd, Sam had remained my staunch ally and dearly loved friend. Over time, I had grown accustomed to him and all but stopped lusting after him. He used to drive me insane years ago. He was never embarrassed being around me even in circumstances where nakedness was involved. We used to play football, go swimming or to the sauna and, I have to admit, that I was always the one who felt uncomfortable. Sam has a wonderful body and he's never, ever, objected to my looking at it. I used to try to peek at him unobtrusively but he kept catching me out and eventually I gave up and just looked anyway. Sam would just laugh if I got turned on - said he took it as a compliment. I was very complimentary in those early years.
Then he met Debbie. There's nothing nasty I can say about her. True, I'm a bit jealous but I knew this would happen one day and that I'd have to get used to it. She's lovely and agreeable and she seems to like me. I know Sam's told her all about me and he's told me all about her, too. In the same way that I trusted him, he now trusts me that his new relationship won't mar our friendship. It will, of necessity, change it but we'll still be friends.
I hope.
It was almost midnight and I was just about to go to get myself a hot drink when I heard a cab pull up outside. A moment later, I heard footsteps approaching the front door. There was a knock and I went to see who this midnight caller could be. I wasn't expecting anyone.
It was Sam. One look at his face told me all was not well. He wasn't drunk although he had obviously had a couple.
"Hi," he said quietly.
He just kept looking into my eyes and my heart froze in my chest. My best friend was standing on my doorstep on the eve of his wedding and he was in obvious distress. He stepped inside and I closed the door. As I turned to face him again I saw that he was crying. First instinct was to put my arms round him and to comfort him but I resisted and just grasped his arm gently.
"Come on, mate," I said soothingly. "Let's get you sorted."
I helped him out of his jacket and he followed me through into the living room. We stood facing each other for a moment and then he threw himself into my arms and wept like a child. I held him tightly and stroked his hair as he cried on my shoulder. I had never seen Sam so upset and I was worried.
"Tell me," I said gently. "I'm here, Sam."
"I know," he sobbed. "I know you are. You always are."
"Hey, I'm your friend. Where else would I be?"
I sat him down on the settee and sat beside him. He looked at me with his tear-stained face and slowly shook his head.
"All those years," he said. "All those fucking years."
He took my hand and held it tightly. My guard went up. I'm not stupid and I know guys can get carried away in highly emotional situations. Sam was wound up and I knew well what might happen if I wasn't careful. It might seem all fine and dandy to allow things to run their course but it's a dangerous course and a selfish one. He might want it now but he certainly wouldn't once he'd had it. A good friend is worth far, far more than a cheap thrill.
"No." I said firmly.
"No what?" he asked.
"I don't shag straight guys. Especially the ones I love."
"I love you," he protested.
"I know you do, " I said quietly. "And you love Debbie and you're marrying her in about ten hours."
"No I'm not," he said quietly, standing up again and running his hand through his hair. "I can't, Alan."
I could have done the standard pre-nuptial nerves speech but I know Sam too well. It was more than that. Much more.
"Look," he said in his "reasonable" voice. "I made a mistake, okay? I thought it's what I wanted but I was wrong."
"And that makes it all okay, does it?"
He sat down again and looked at me sadly.
"No," he said almost in a whisper. "Not by a long chalk. What have I done, mate?"
"You tell me," I said. "This is all news to me."
"You must know how I feel about you?"
"I know how you think you feel about me right now," I said levelly. "It's not true, Sam. Can you honestly say you want to, let's be blunt about it, fuck me? Be fucked by me? You want my cock all of a sudden? You want to suck it, Sam? Want me to suck you? Play with your dick until you shoot in your pants?"
"I might," he said with a sniff.
"Might isn't good enough, mate. I know I want it."
"You said you didn't like fucking."
"No, but the other stuff is what I do, Sam. What I do with another guy."
"You're just trying to shock me," he said sullenly.
"You bet I am!" I said, quite loudly. " Sam, I care for you more than I care for anyone else on this planet. D'you think I'm just going to sit back and let you screw up the rest of your life? You are NOT gay."
"Prove it."
"Ohhhh no you don't," I said with a hint of a smile. "Doing it doesn't prove a thing, Sam. Any damn fool can muck around with another guy - it doesn't prove anything one way or the other."
"Are you going to stop me, then?"
"If I have to."
"You would, wouldn't you?" he said, taking my hand again.
"Sam, don't. Please." I said. "I don't want to lose you."
"You won't, mate," he said softly. "Not now. Not ever."
He leant forward and he kissed me gently on the cheek.
"Just for the record," he whispered, "You're my first."
"I'll be your last as well if you don't behave," I said as my resistance reached danger level.
"I mean my first ever," he went on. "I've never been with anyone, Alan."
I was stunned.
"What?" was all that came out.
"No-one."
"Never?"
He shook his head and smiled at me. But I knew that already. He'd never actually told me but I could never remember him ever saying having said he'd been to bed with anyone. I just sort of assumed that he had.
"Couldn't decide what I wanted, mate. I didn't know until earlier on and you weren't there. I've always felt a bit uneasy when you aren't around, I just didn't know what it was."
"Oh so now you'll be telling me you got a raging hard-on as well when we were together in the showers or whatever?"
He shook his head and laughed quietly.
"Not a raging one like you used to get but it got hard, yes."
"And you'd go home and have a nice, long wank thinking of me, I suppose?"
"Sometimes."
"What!?"
"The ones where I thought of you were never that long, mate," he said with an evil chuckle
"Okay, so why did you never say anything? You knew I loved you even then, why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know," he said. "I really, truly, don't know, mate."
It dawned on me that he seemed to have calmed right down. Now I was the one getting worked up.
"Tonight it all sort of just clicked into place," he went on. "I knew I wanted to be with you. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and, if we're going for shock tactics then, yes, I do want your cock. I do want to suck it. I do want you to suck mine. I want you to make me come in my pants or anywhere else you can think of - I'll even help. I love you, Alan. I always have and I always will."
"And Debbie?"
He sighed heavily.
"I think she knows already, mate. I think she knew before I did. She phoned me on the mobile about half ten and called the wedding off."
"What!?"
"Straight up. She says I need time to think. She said she thought we were making a mistake. She was crying her eyes out but she said she couldn't marry me if it wasn't what I really wanted - and she knew it wasn't. I never meant to hurt her, mate, but I did. I never meant to hurt you either, but I suppose I must've done that, too."
I looked at him. He was my best friend. I loved him more than my own life and I believed him.
"You know what you're getting into?" I asked.
"Not a clue," he said, moving in closer to me.
"You know what this makes you?"
"Queer? Yeah, I know."
"That doesn't bother you?"
"It bothers me," he said. "But I'll get used to it. You had to and you did. Nothing wrong with you."
"You reckon?"
"I know."
And with that he leant in close and kissed me, warmly and gently, full on the lips. My resistance melted away in that kiss for it told me all that I needed to know. Sam was right. He knew.
"In case you need any proof......," he said.
He took my hand and placed it on his crotch. There was no mistaking the excitement I felt beneath my trembling fingers as they explored his fully erect cock. I took my hand away and gently pushed him back from me.
"It isn't proof," I said.
"Alan, don't push me away," he said. "Please. I know I haven't made it easy for you but I can make it up to you. I love you."
I nodded my head slowly.
"I know you do," I said. "As for the rest, well, you haven't done anything to regret, mate. You've done no more or less than be the best friend I could ever have hoped to have. It wasn't easy sometimes, sure, but that wasn't your fault. That's just the way the world works."
"I want to be with you," he said, almost in tears again. "I need to be with you."
"You think I don't want it?" I asked. "D'you know just how much I used to want to be with you? I got used to it, to suppressing my feelings and desires, and now, all of a sudden, here you are handing me yourself on a plate. D'you know why I didn't let things get out of hand?"
"I think so."
"Go on, then. Tell me."
If he understood this one thing then there just might be a chance for us. I had to know.
He thought for a moment.
"Because you love me," he said. "I understand that, Alan. I wouldn't try anything on with you that might harm our friendship. I love you too much."
It was the right answer. I looked into his deep, soft brown eyes and his love shone back at me from the depths of his soul.
"I'm afraid you'll have to deck me if you don't want me, mate," he said firmly.
I could have decked him if I had had to. I'm about the same size but I'm stronger. Who am I kidding? I could never have laid a finger on him in anger.
"I do want you, Sam," I said, ruffling his ginger-brown hair gently. "I always have."
He leant towards me and kissed me again. This time I returned the kiss and he seized me in a bear hug and clung to me.
"I love you, I love you," he kept whispering in my ear.
I stroked his back gently and held him tight to me. How often I had dreamed of this moment and now it had arrived. I let him make his own way for, in spite of everything, I still had lingering doubts. Sam lay back on the settee, pulling me down on top of him. I knew this was going to be very short as he was wound up like a spring and if, indeed, this was his first time ever with anyone brevity was almost traditional. I refrained from touching his cock although he was giving mine a thorough going over through my jeans.
"That feels so good," he murmured. "I've never touched anyone else's cock before. It's great."
"There's much, much more, mate," I said. "You'll see, in time."
"Touch me."
I knew what would happen but I gently slid my hand down on to the front of his tight white slacks and along the prominent bulge where his cock lay, straining, inside. Sam almost cried out at my touch and I felt his cock spasm powerfully.
"Shit. I'm going to come." he said through gritted teeth. "Sorry."
"Don't be," I said as I stroked him only a little harder. "Just go with it, mate."
Sam held tight to me and buried his head in my shoulder as his release wracked his body. I've seen guys come but this was incredible. I felt his cock pulsing inside his trousers. I felt the warm semen erupting through the thin fabric. I felt it trickling over my fingers and still it seemed to be coming. Sam was breathing hard and he was sweating by the time it was over. He flopped back and smiled shyly up at me.
"I come a lot," he said.
I looked down at the huge wet area on the front of his trousers. There was still a large white bead where the head of his softening cock lay.
"You do, don't you," I said. "Good grief."
"Got you going, have I?"
"Oh yes."
"I better sort you out then, hadn't I?"
Without another word he sat up and pushed me over on to my back. He straddled my thighs and began to knead and stroke my cock. I thought for a minute he intended to make me come in my pants, too but he deftly unzipped my fly and dug my throbbing cock out of my underpants.
"Wow," he breathed. "That is gorgeous."
Before I could say a word he had engulfed me in his mouth.. I stroked his hair as he worked and in moments I was ready.
"I'm coming, mate," I warned.
He didn't stop. He went at it harder and deeper, taking nearly the whole length of me into his mouth and throat. I erupted into his welcoming warmth and he swallowed the lot without a gag or a pause. When I was done, he lay down on top of me and our lips met again and again as a love denied for so long got to grips with freedom.
"How did I do?" he asked at last.
"I don't keep scores," I said. "Everybody's different."
"Was I any good, though?"
"Course you were, you silly sod."
"What happens now?"
"How should I know? God knows who's running this show, mate."
"Okay. Will you take me to bed, please?"
"If you like."
"I want to get you naked," he chuckled. "Or maybe make you cream your pants. I like those brief things."
"What're you wearing under there?" I asked, mischievously squeezing his crotch.
"Oh I see," he said with a grin. "Underwear freak."
"Guilty. And.......?"
"Same as you. They were white before you made me shoot in them."
"Did you like that?"
"Of course I did. I'll like anything you can dish out, mate."
"You might not."
"I will," he said firmly. "Because you'd never do anything I wouldn't like."
He was right, of course. After all, we'd known each other for years. I knew what he'd like and I suspect he knows the same of me.
"Yes, all right smartarse," I said. "A cup of tea and off to bed."
"I'll take these wet things off," he said.
"Don't you dare!" I laughed. "I'll attend to that......Later."
He sprawled back on the settee and grinned up at me.
"See, I knew it'd be okay," he said.
"We'll see in the morning," I said. "If you're still here then, we'll see."
"I'll be here."
"We'll see," I repeated firmly. "I've been queer a lot longer than you."
"No you haven't," he came back. "You think I don't know but I do. I've always been queer, just like you. I just didn't want to see it."
Well, that was probably true. I had to concede that point but I was still concerned for him as I made us some tea. Sam meant the world to me and, surprising as it may seem, having this particular dream come true was not exactly the happiest day of my life. I knew what could happen when the emotional impetus wore off. In the cold light of day would Sam still want me?
I took the teas back into the living room and flopped down in the armchair. Sam looked at me for a moment and then he sat up and patted the settee beside him. I moved over and sat with him as he wanted.
"Look," he said, "I know this has come as a shock to you, mate. Believe me, it came as quite a shock to me, too. I'm glad it's happened. Really. I always wanted you to be happy and now, maybe, I can make that happen. I feel good, Alan. Really good. Like a big weight has gone off my shoulders. I've never felt like I did when you made me come. When you hold me in your arms I feel so warm and secure I just want to cry. Sounds crazy, doesn't it?"
"No, not really," I sighed. "I felt it, too. Sounds like the real thing if all those corny old songs are anything to go by."
"I do love you," he said, taking my hand. "I just didn't know how much."
"You're a very special guy, Sam," I said quietly. "I don't think I deserve you."
"That's rubbish," he said with a grin. "You and me are getting exactly what we deserve - each other."
Somehow I got the impression that I was the one running to catch up. I had suppressed my feelings for him for so long that it was going to take some time for all this to sink in. He rested his head on my shoulder and put his arm around my waist. I felt light as a cloud.
"Are you getting horny again yet?" he asked. "I am."
I looked down at his crotch. He was getting hard again. The sight of the growing bulge sent shivers up and down my spine and my own cock began to rise again.
"I think I might be," I said.
I stood up and he stood with me. I took him in my arms and kissed him as warmly and tenderly as I could.
"I do love you," I whispered.
He held me tightly and returned my kiss. I took his hand and led him upstairs to the bedroom. It was a mess as usual but he wasn't looking and I didn't care. We sat down on my bed and we kissed and cuddled and explored each other. Sam was very gentle and loving and I began to relax as his confidence grew. He knew it excited me to see his erection inside his trousers and so he lay back on the bed with his legs apart and grinned up at me. The stain from his previous release was an added turn-on and my jeans were well tented.
"That's nice," he said, gently stroking my bulge. "It's horny."
"So lets see what you've got in there shall we?" I said as I straddled him this time.
I unbuttoned his shirt and relieved him of it. Sam had a nicely defined chest and abdomen. There was quite a lot of hair but it was soft and downy and almost blond in colour. He smiled quietly as I undid his trousers and slid them down to his knees. His brief white underpants were still wet from before and the semi-transparent material gave a tantalizing view of what lay inside. I raised myself up, turned round and removed his trousers completely. I lay down beside him and gently tended to his straining erection.
"That feels so good," he whispered. "But I want you out of your togs as well."
He took off my T-shirt and jeans and left me also only wearing my underpants.
"You are getting horny," he chuckled, rubbing his fingers over the wet patch where my pre cum was leaking into my pants.
He lay beside me again and we held each other and kissed and caressed for quite some time. With the initial fire quelled a little there was not so much urgency and we just got to know each other all over again. Just once in a while I would let my hand wander down and along his cock, not wanting a repeat of the earlier outburst just yet. He did the same and I have to admit the sensations were like nothing I had experienced before.
Because I loved him?
Soon enough, Sam began to get more urgent in his kisses and he spent more time stroking my cock. I knew he wanted to come so I, this time, went down and began to kiss and lick along his shaft still inside his pants. The fabric was wet and slick and the sensation and the scent of him blazed through my senses like a storm in the night . I hauled his pants out of the way and took him in my mouth. Sam stroked my hair as I worked on him and I could hear him moan softly as he began to thrust up gently against me. He tensed and I felt his cock stiffen even more and then jet after jet of warm semen spurted into my mouth. I regret to say I did gag and I couldn't swallow all of it. There was so much. When he was done, Sam lifted my head away from his crotch and up until our lips met and melted once more.
"Now you," he said. "I want to see you come, mate."
"Whatever you want," I said.
I sat astride his thighs and let him do what he wanted. He pulled my briefs down at the front and took my throbbing cock in his hand.
"That's so nice," he said quietly. "I like your dick."
For a moment I was actually embarrassed but it wore off as he began to work my cock with all the finesse of an expert. I couldn't restrain myself for more than a few moments and my own release jetted out and spattered among the hairs on his chest.
"Thanks," he said, pulling me down until I lay on top of him. "Thanks for that."
"Anything you like," I said.
I felt him pull my briefs back up over my softening cock. A bit of an underwear freak himself, I thought.
"Put mine to bed," he chuckled.
I reached down and pulled his damp underwear back up over his dick.
"It'll be dry by morning," he said. "Then we'll see, won't we?"
He enfolded me in his strong arms and we fell asleep like that. Until then I'd never been able to sleep properly with someone else in the bed. Sam was special. I'd always known that he was special. He's Sam.
I woke up. Momentary panic gripped my heart as the events of last night crashed back into my waking memory. Sam was still there, sleeping peacefully by my side, his arms still around me. I snuggled against him and worried. Dreams that come true are so easily destroyed or worse, twisted, until they become nightmares. Sam shifted a little and I felt his grip on me tighten.
"You awake?" he whispered.
"Yes."
"You okay?"
I rolled over and faced him.
"How I am isn't really what matters," I said. "How are you?"
He kissed me warmly and held me tight against himself.
"I'm great," he said. "I'm still here and I still love you."
His hand went down and began to stroke my cock. I lay back and let him carry on. Doubts still haunted me but I let him have his way. He pushed back the covers and watched as my cock rose inside my pants.
"That's not all that I am," I said.
"I know that, mate," he said softly. "I know that. You're the most decent, warm, caring guy I've ever met. I love you."
"The sex isn't all of it, Sam."
He shook his head and smiled down at me.
"You think too much," he chuckled. "I know, Alan. I know there's more to it than that. I want it all, mate. The good, the bad, the indifferent - I don't care so long as I have you. That's what I realized last night. All that I have, all that I am means nothing to me if I don't have you. I'm in love with you, mate. Truly, madly, deeply and all that shit. I love you."
I smiled up at him.
"You smooth talking bastard," I chuckled. "I never could say no to you, could I?"
He leant down and kissed me.
"Nor I you," he said. "If you'd come on to me I don't think I'd have stopped you but you never did. You never tried to take advantage, mate, and I love you all the more for that."
"I love you too much, Sam," I said quietly. "I'd never knowingly hurt you."
"I know," Sam said and a big tear rolled down his cheek. "From now on it's you and me, mate. Fuck the rest."
I held on to him and we drew strength from each other. There would be problems, there always are, but they'd be overcome. I knew Sam as well as I knew myself. I knew that this was for life. Sam knew it, too. We'd been together most of our lives and now we would be together for the remainder. I was happy. The doubts began to dispel as we lay wrapped in each other's arms.
A while later, Sam's hand began to stroke me again. There's much more than just sex but sex is good and it's fun and it strengthens the bonds. I lay back and let him carry on. He made sure I could see his cock rising inside his pants. He knew I liked that - I'm sure I probably told him at some time. There were never any secrets between us. I watched as his pre cum spread slowly through the thin fabric and relaxed and immersed myself in the wonderful sensations he was creating in my body. I wanted this never to end.
Now and then he would stop and we would hold each other close and our souls met in silent communion. To be held and caressed by another person is wonderful enough but when that person loves you and you love him then it becomes a spiritual experience which is beyond words. There are things which cannot be said. They can only be lived.
When I knew Sam was ready I pushed him on to his back and I lay beside him. I released his cock from its damp and sticky prison and went to work on it with my right hand. I wanted to see him come, just as he had with me. Sam held me and nuzzled my cheek as I worked on him. As he neared climax he began to moan softly and then he flopped back on the pillow as his cock erupted in my hand. He did come a lot - and strongly, too. The white semen almost reached up to his chin on the first ejaculation, the last few emissions trickled over my hand and into the springy, gingery hair on his balls. I kissed him warmly and tenderly as he relaxed and then I found he box of tissues by the bed and cleaned him up.
"Thanks," he said, kissing me again. "You make me feel so good."
"I feel good, too," I said. "Just knowing I can do that for you."
"I know," he said. "I like to make you come, too. It makes me feel happy. Silly, isn't it?"
"No, not at all, " I said. "That's how it should be. Otherwise you might as well just wank yourself."
Sam began to knead and stroke me again. He laid his head on my chest and I stroked and ruffled his hair. I had known affection before but it was nothing like this. Sam was so warm and so gentle that I was almost in tears. I wondered for a little how he could be so good without ever having had any practice but some guys are just naturals. I was. Something inside seemed to know all the right things to do. Experience polished the skills, of course, but they'd always been there. I knew Sam hadn't lied because Sam didn't lie. Not in matters like this. It wouldn't even occur to him. That's just the way he is. Terminally honest.
I felt myself reaching climax and I tightened my grip on his hair. He stroked me a bit harder in response and I felt him kiss my abdomen.
"Come for me, Alan," he whispered. "Come on, mate."
My cock was still inside my briefs and the added friction was driving me wild. As my release began to pump into them, Sam moved up and our lips met. He was much more intense than before and he never missed a stroke as we kissed and explored each other's mouths. My cock was still pulsing and I could feel the warm wetness where he still rubbed me gently. As it subsided Sam lay down beside me and snuggled up close.
"Thanks," he said quietly.
"What for?"
"For everything, mate. For the years, for the love. Just for caring for me."
"I love you, Sam."
He kissed my shoulder.
"Now, I better go and see Debbie."
"Yes, you had."
"I'll tell her the truth, Alan."
"You better!"
"Can I come back after?"
"Of course you can, you silly sod."
"Can I stay?"
"As long as you like."
"No. I mean stay. Like in stay with you. For good."
I chuckled and ruffled his hair.
"I know what you meant," I said. "You sure you want to live with the Raging Poofter?"
"That's two raging poofters," he said with a smile. "Yes, I'm sure."
"I thought I'd never even comtemplate having anyone else living here," I said. "For you I wouldn't have it any other way."
"We'll be okay, Alan," he said.
"Yes, mate. I know we will," I said. "We always have been."
"I'll never leave you."
"Yes, I know,"
And I did know. As surely as I knew I could never leave him.
He got cleaned up. I had to lend him some underwear and a pair of jeans on account of his own being a bit the worse for wear and he set off to speak to Debbie. Left on my own, I took a shower and got dressed and went downstairs to do some serious thinking. If I'm to be completely honest then I have to say that I've always known how Sam felt about me. I had always forced myself to write off all the little, and not so little, signs as wishful thinking. Through the years it became a part of life and I didn't think about it any more. I loved him just as he was and I was content. I always thought he was, too, and maybe he had been. Except that he'd wanted to be straight. I remembered how excited he got when Debbie agreed to go out with him. How he used to talk about her. How happy he seemed when she'd said she'd marry him. I'd tried not to let him see how much that hurt me but it was a waste of time. Sam can see through me like a pane of glass. I wondered if it would have made any difference if I'd actually gone on the stag night. I'm not concerned for myself. I know my own strengths and weaknesses and I know I can get through even if the worst happens. Life will never be the same again, though, in any event. Somehow I think I'm transferring my own doubts on to Sam. I know him. I know what he's feeling. I know what he'll do. But I can't help myself. I keep thinking that he won't come back. He wouldn't just go, though, he'd come and explain it all to me - as if he had to. That's the sort of guy he is. He takes the responsibility for his actions and he doesn't shirk the consequences. He'll always love me, one way or another, and I'll always love him.
Love can hurt like hell sometimes.
About five thirty his car drew up outside. I saw him get out and come up the path and then he was knocking on the door. He never could find the key I'd given him years ago. I was actually afraid as I went to open the door. Afraid of what might be about to happen.
"Give's a hand will you?" was all he said as he set off back towards the car.
I followed him in something of a daze. He opened the boot and handed me a large suitcase. He hefted out another two and then I followed him back into the house. He dropped the cases, took the third out of my hand and dropped it, too, then he took me in his arms and kissed me like I had never been kissed before.
"Well, I'm here," he said quietly.
I couldn't speak. I looked into his eyes and I began to cry. The years had taken a toll on me and the relief, the release, was overwhelming. Sam took me gently in his arms and led me upstairs. He steered me on to the bed and sat down with me.
"Poor sod," he said. "What've I done to you?"
I looked into his deep, soft eyes and then I held on to him for dear life.
"I love you, Sam," I whispered.
"I love you, too. I said I'd be back."
"I believed you," I sniffed. "Well, most of me did."
"Debbie did know," he said. "She said it was so obvious who it was I really loved. I wonder why it took me so long to realise?"
"Is she okay?"
"No, but she will be. I did her a terrible wrong, mate."
"It could have been worse. You could have found out after the wedding."
"I suppose so," he sighed. "Her dad called me some pretty colourful names. You as well."
"I suppose he's allowed, in the circumstances."
"I suppose so. Most of them were true anyway."
Sam was himself. Down but not out. This would work. Sam lay back and pulled me down beside him.
"Time for some of the other stuff," he said softly. "I just want to be near you, Alan."
As the darkness stole across the world outside Sam and I lay together in each other's arms and talked of the future. No sex, just talk and warmth and closeness. The past was behind us and a new future stretched out ahead. Probably the only certain thing in it is that we will face it together.
Copyright 2002 George Gardner