Disclaimer: despite the punny title, this story is NOT based on any comic book title, character or property. It is an original piece of fiction and any resemblance to people, places or events is unintentional.
This is a reality similar to our own; a universe of infinitive possibilities, of extraordinary powers and incredible circumstances. The SEX Men is a group of elite agents... and also amateurs. Together they must use their abilities against a powerful enemy.
The SEX Men Vol. 02: The Sext Class Issue 00: The Universe According to Versatile de Milo
Starring... * ANGELO * MATT TEMPEST * CYRUS HYATT * JEFFREY YATES * * JAY OSWALD * MILO OSWALD * STEVE EVANS * HUGH HANES*
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MICHAEL TEMPEST * COLE CAIRNS *
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with TIMMY KOTES * and JETHRO RENTON-MASS *
IN THE BEGINNING...
In the beginning, god created the heavens and the earth; 13.5 billion years later, gullible people think it's flat for some reason. Anyway, god was pretty chill and despite having unlimited power, he spent a week doing work that he could supposedly have done in an instant. I mean, if he made the whole thing in six days and rested on the seventh, no wonder the place is so shoddy. I spent a week making a macaroni necklace once. Something as complex as the universe should take at least ten, maybe even eleven days.
So anyway, on the sixth day, he created man because they're awesome. But not women, because they're yukky. And god showed the Angels what he'd made and they said:
"What have you frack have you done, mate?"
"You've ruined a perfectly good monkey is what you've done."
"Look at this thing, it's got anxiety!"
It is generally agreed that human pre-history began with homo erectus. Homo erectus lived about two million years before their name would become hilarious...
Ok, I may have gone too far back. I mean, there's the beginning and there's THE BEGINNING (imagine a deep voice, like the guy who does movie trailer voiceovers). The beginning is more like this...
Oh, I'm Milo by the way. I'm going to be your guide. The exits are alt + left arrow, backspace, or ctrl + F4. But don't exit. It gets way better, I promise. We've not even got to the humiliation fiction or the erotic superpowers yet. Don't let the sci-fi themes put you off; lot's of sci-fi stories are really good, like: Aliens, Star Wars, or Mrs Doubtfire.
The beginning is more like this...
ARE YOU MONOLOGUING?
"Milo! Are you monologing again?" Jay interrupted Milo's flow.
"Isn't that a venereal disease? Have you given me an STI?" Milo asked aghast.
"That's mononucleosis," Jay told his little brother.
"Oh... and what was the thing you said?" Milo pondered.
"Monologue," Jay repeated.
"Right... right... that's the eye glass you only wear in one eye, right?" Milo enquired.
"That's a monocle," Jay corrected him.
"Ok. Anyway, why are you asking if I'm monochromatic? I'm clearly wearing multicoloured undies today," Milo asked as he gestured his skinny, teenage body that was only wearing white briefs with rainbows on them.
"I didn't say monochromatic," Jay said through gritted teeth.
"Monogamous? Because you know I am even if you're not, but I'm not judging," Milo asserted.
While Milo was single, Jay was in a relationship with an older man that had now lasted nearly nine months, but he still had occasional, casual sex with his brother, Milo.
"Monologuing, Milo!" Jay enunciated irritably. "Look, are you done being silly or have you got a few more?"
"Am I done being silly? Do you even hear yourself?" Milo responded with a cheeky grin.
"Right, go on then," Jay folded his arms.
"Monoblocking?" Milo asked.
"That's for driveways," Jay said patiently.
"Monorchy? No wait, that's not one," Milo hurt himself in the confusion.
"You're thinking of monarchy," Jay told him.
"Oh," Milo said.
"Look, you've monopolised..." Jay said with a grin.
"Good one," Milo interrupted.
"Thanks," Jay accepted. "...enough of my time. I'm going to Domino's Pizza. You want anything?"
"I'll have a chicken jalfrezi and a garlic nan, thanks," Milo answered.
"Domino's Pizza, Milo! The don't do curry," Jay said exasperatedly.
"Oh... What do they do?" Milo asked innocently.
"Now you're just trying to annoy me," Jay said patiently.
"Guilty," Milo chuckled. "I'll have a meat feast pizza with stuffed crust."
"Great," Jay replied and turned to leave before anything else could happen.
"Oh! And if Darren is working tonight tell him not to jizz on my pizza again," Milo said.
"Who is... why would he..." Jay didn't complete either question because he'd rather not know. "What are you going to do?"
"I'll be here monographing," Milo asserted.
MONOGRAPHING
Thousands of years ago, there were humans. There were other things too like trees and stones, water, fire, frogs, toads, other amphibians. Did you know that amphibians metamorphize which is a really fun word to say.
Cyrus can metamorphize too but he's not an amphibian. I don't think. Hold on.
"CYRUS, ARE YOU AN AMPHIBIAN?"
Oh wait, I forgot Cyrus doesn't live here. I'll ask him later, but I'm pretty sure he's not an amphibian because he's Persian. Who is Cyrus, you ask? Who am I, you ask? Well, these are all good questions. Another good question is what is the longest non-coined, non-technical word in the English dictionary? The answer is antidisestablishmentarianism. But the longest nonsense word is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. The actually longest word is... Oh... even I think that's made up.
What was I talking about?
Who are we? That's it!
We're the fucking SEX Men!
Our story began with six Anthology-style stories that introduced the core cast of characters; along the way there were a few retcons that most people won't even notice. The SEX Men are a team of people who all have superpowers and we use those powers to help others and to stop THE BAD GUYS (imagine the voiceover guy again, but not too much because I can't afford to pay overtime). Maybe it would be easier to understand all this if I introduced you to everyone?
If you want, you can read my summary of the Anthology stories in chapter 0 here:
https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/sf-fantasy/the-sex-men/
This summary has been described as condensed, briefs (boys xs) and summed-up.
If you don't want to read that, don't worry. Let me introduce you to the characters and then I'll give you a rundown of the story so far; a synopsis that is best described as inaccurate. I mean short.
So, now I guess I can reintroduce you to the team. Then you'll be ready for the next story. I tried to think of ways to spice up this summary with nudity and graphic sexual activity, but how the fuck I am meant to include CBT and a DP scene in this thing?
ANGELS AND NU-MEN
The Angels (capitalisation deliberate) are a race of humans... Wait, Human isn't capitalised, except for there, obviously. So, should Angel be capitalised? Sorry, anyway. Where was I?
The Angels/ angels are a race of humans who evolved special powers and generate a...
I wrote it down... where is it? Here it is: sugar, glucose, palm fat, acids citric acid, maltic acid; dextrin, maltodextrin... Shit, it's the wrong bit of paper. I'm reading the ingredients in Skittles.
Angels are a species of humans who evolved special powers and generate a genomorphic xenofield. It's a kind of energy field that permeated the surrounding, non-gifted, humans to create the first nu-men. Angels can live for hundreds of years; approximately aging one year for every 14 years, once they hit puberty.
Nu-men have powers too, but they're not as powerful. Nu-men don't live for hundreds of years and they can't have nu-children. Actually, this might not be true. It used to be that Angels birthed kids with powers, but nu-men didn't. However, last year our team discover nu-men were having empowered children. We think our enemy, Jethro Renton-Mass (imagined a guy who is 100% a dick), may have been manipulating the previously mentioned geometrosexual x-rated field. Or whatever I called it.
I think that's all you need to know about the Angels (should this be capitalised? Someone help me!) and nu-men. Sorry there's been no nudity. Imagine me naked. I'm skinny and cute and will have an OnlyFans as soon as my big brother lets me. He won't even let me get a goldfish.
THE SEX MEN
Angelo no-last-name (that I know of): a 296 years old man, but he looks about 34 or 35, and is co-leader of the SEX Men (a.k.a. Denego Potentia).
Ability: chrono-cognition and para-chrono-cognition.
Angelo is an Angel – Angelo should defo be capitalised because there's no way I'm going by milo instead of Milo...
Angelo gets memories from himself from the future and uses that knowledge to change events. He can also cross over into other realities and see how things went if certain things did or didn't happen. But, honestly, he only did that in one story and probably won't do it again for at least three stories. I asked him what the world would be like without me in it and he said "quieter," which is simultaneously hilarious and sad.
Angelo says there is a world without shrimp but I told him to avoid continuity references to TV shows because it'll confuse people and that's my job.
Matt Tempest: is thirty-nine as of Q3 of 2023, but I'm being deliberately ambiguous. He is the co-leader of the SEX Men, a former Group Captain in the RAF, and is kinda serious all the time.
Ability: weather manipulation.
Matt likes to say things like, "we're a subcontracted, independent intelligence group."
He also likes to say things like, "intuitive space-time co-ordination resulting in the transmission of matter through higher dimensional continuum."
One time, Matt even said; "Milo! Please, for the love of god, shut the fuck up!"
Anyway, Matt and Angelo have been working together for nearly twenty years. They trust each other. They plan missions and prioritise team activities. They let me organise the table tennis contest though.
Matt is a nu-man with the ability to manipulate weather. He likes rain, I've noticed. Matt is married to Cyrus, but they've been separated since their son Michael died three years ago. Now Matt is dating my brother Jay and Cyrus is dating a man called Jeffrey. No-one is dating me!
Cyrus Tempest-Hyatt: is about forty-two years old. He is a spy, he's Matt's husband (separated) and he's dating Jeffrey.
Ability: shapeshifting.
Cyrus was captured by our enemy last year, but we rescued him. Unfortunately, we lost one of our own in the process. Max Bind was a good guy and a spy as well. Cyrus's shapeshifting powers lets him look like anyone. If I had the ability to look like anyone, I'd look like a sexy as fuck movie actor and make pornography... that might be a crime... would that be a crime?
After Cyrus lost his son, Michael, he was estranged from his husband (separated) Matt for years but they've been reunited and it is super awkward!
Jeffrey Yates: aged thirty seven, defected from Jethro's inner circle, likes croissant's.
Ability: mind control.
Jeffrey insinuated himself into the inner circle of Jethro Renton-Mass, but he was never really one of Jethro's agents. He works for the SEX Men; he's dating Cyrus and it's totally not awkward that Cyrus and Matt are still married. Jeffrey's mind control powers are impressive, but he's a good guy so it's cool. Timmy, one of our enemies has mind control powers too and he uses them for...
Well, you'll find out.
Jay Oswald: is eighteen, studying BEng Chemical Engineering (it doesn't come up much), dating Matt, has a beautiful, charming little brother who is just the bestest!
Ability: invisibility.
Jay discovered his powers when he was tricked into getting naked in his neighbour's house. His neighbour is more than twice Jay's age and now frequently has sex with him. But I'm making it sound dirty. Jay can turn invisible but can't turn clothes invisible so he has to be naked. That sounds like the kind of rule I'd make up, but it's true. Jay is Matt's protégé and lover.
Milo Oswald: fifteen years old, cute, ridiculous, funny, chaotic, distracting, distractable, have you ever thought about the word fartlek because it does not mean what I thought it would mean.
Ability: memory manipulation.
I can implant false memories and distort existing memories. I can share memories from one person to another and I can make a really nice frittata with red onions and yellow peppers. My main role is annoying people (hey!) and comic relief (knock, knock).
Steve Evans: eighteen, super-hot (like 11/10), dating Hugh, has complicated issues with his dad and not in a way that can be resolved by sexual intercourse.
Ability: synesthetic empathy.
Basically Steve can see emotions as a combination of colours, but also feel other people's feelings and manipulate them emotionally (like a movie where the dog dies). He's a new recruit to the SEX Men and doesn't have a lot to do in the upcoming story.
Hugh Hanes: also eighteen, gangly and awkward, not very socially adapt like I am, and has a tendency to take things literally. Like, one time, he literally took my cheese out of the fridge.
Ability: translocation.
Ok, this is actually really cool. Hugh can teleport anywhere. Anywhere! You know how fast the planet is spinning? Hugh can teleport from say London to New York City and land exactly where he intends to. One time I tried to step off a bus that was still moving and was (to quote Jay) "lucky it didn't rip me a new asshole." Which Jay thought would be a bad thing, but honestly? I'd be willing to give it a go.
So anyway, when Hugh teleports, he ends up naked. Which is neat. But he's working on that limitation. Hugh and Steve make a cute couple. Hugh's not in the next story much either, but it's an ensemble an there's only so much for us all to do.
Max Bind: was thirty seven... obviously he was thirty six before that and thirty five before that and so on. But, he's dead now.
Ability: seduction & orgasm enhancement.
Max died to save me.
He was a spy for the Glasstower, which reports to something called SCION and it is administered by the Albion Intelligence Network. His lover, Kash Spendpence, is still a contact for the SEX Men.
Michael Tempest-Hyatt: is fifteen and I've mentioned he's dead... he is dead right? Holy cow, he's alive? Do the SEX Men know this yet or am I only telling everyone for the sake of completeness? Oh, I think this information might be dramatic irony or non-diegetic.
Ability: regeneration and advanced healing.
Ok, to be clear, no-one in the SEX Men knows that Michael (Matt and Cyrus's son) is alive...
Ok, to be clear, only Angelo knows that Michael is alive and if anyone finds out, I think they're gonna be really mad. Really! Really! Mad! Furious, even! Apoplectic!
Micheal is the biological son of our enemy, Jethro Renton-Mass, and is therefore an Angel. He died but his healing powers resurrected him and he's been in hiding ever since. Now he is in the custody of Jethro.
THE OTHER GUYS
Jethro Renton-Mass: a five hundred and twenty three year old man with a major superiority complex. He's a villain! Ever been to a pantomime? He's behind you! Booo! That's Jethro.
Ability: genetic multiplicity and powers antagonist.
Jethro can split himself in two. I wish I could split guy in two, but in a totally different way (lol). Jethro can literally separate his mind and body into two bodies. Also, he can kinda antagonise the abilities of others. For example, Timmy has fearsome mind control abilities, but Jethro can influence him.
Timmy Kotes: age unknown (probably older than 15 but younger than 55). He's a devious, cruel, mean spirited, cutiepie with nice eyes and a skinny body and he's a total baddie.
Ability: mind control.
Timmy can mind control a person into pup play, but also make a person kill themselves so we're pretty wary of this guy. In his upcoming mission, Timmy plans to seduce a naïve kid called Cole who knows nothing of the world Timmy is preparing him for. Oh fuck, I've done dramatic irony again!
Cole Cains: is seventeen, a victim of bullying and will be introduced in the upcoming story.
Ability: SPOILERS!
You won' know anything about him until he's introduced in CH01 and the SEX Men themselves aren't even in that chapter. Don't worry, you'll like Cole. Cole is nice.
THE STORY SO FARFETCHED
I promised a very short summary of the stories that have led us here. So, here goes...
Anthology I – It's a Wonderful Lust
A totally original story that's not a homage to a classic Christmas film. Angelo helps a man called George see what the world would be like without him and then George hooks up with his roommate and lives a wonderful life.
Anthology II – Assport Control
A political dystopia in which minorities are targeted by the government and treated despicably. Can you imagine? The protagonist of the extremist humiliation scheme in this story is one of the architects of the scheme (ironic) and he finds himself stripped, filmed and exposed in an airport.
Anthology III – You're the Boss
Meet Timmy, a sexually manipulative mind controller who has sex with older men and enjoys playing with their perceptions to do kinky things. He also meets Jeffrey.
Anthology IV – Join the Team
Matt helps Jay to realise he has the power of invisibility, leading to embarrassment. Also, a total babe called Milo is introduced and he can influence memory to create some remarkably smutty scenarios.
Anthology V – Season's Meetings
Driving home for Christmas, Steve and Hugh aren't friends but they both have secret powers. Steve can see emotions and is closeted. Hugh can teleport but ends up naked where he lands which would embarrass most people but Hugh doesn't have that ability.
Anthology VI – The Spy Who Lubed Me
The name's Bind, Max Bind. A supercool spy is entangled in a tale of espionage and fucking men. Lots of men. Men who are shaken (emotionally) and not stirred (until Max touches their penises).
The SEX Men
The SEX Men unite for the first time: Angelo, Matt, Jeffrey, Jay, Milo, Steve, Hugh and Max attempt to save Cyrus who has been captured by Jethro Renton-Mass and his despicable sidekick Timmy. It goes well. It goes really, really well. There's smut, there's humiliation, there's exhibitionism, there's pup play. There's a twist at the end!
BEGIN
"And I think that might be it," Milo said to himself. "Oh boy, look at the time. I should be masturbating by now."
"Milo?" dad said. "You're brother's home with dinner and said you were..."
Milo's dad walked into the room and looked around at the disarray.
"Why is your room such a mess?" dad asked.
"What do you mean?" Milo asked innocently.
"I mean your socks and underpants are everywhere," dad said.
"I am wearing socks and underpants dad," Milo petulantly.
"I can see that," dad passed remark.
Socks and underpants were the only thing Milo was wearing.
"I meant that they are all over the floor," dad pointed out.
"So's my DNA but you didn't notice that," Milo replied.
"Fucking hell," dad muttered.
His dad spun around to leave the room and looked at a dent in the plaster about a metre off the ground.
"Milo! Did you break the fourth wall?"
Milo offered a knowing look.
"Maybe," Milo giggled. "But I promise to cut way back."
"How did you wreck the wall, Milo?!" dad asked exasperatedly.
"I was playing golf," Milo responded reasonably.
"Indoors?" dad quizzed. "You know what, never mind."
"What's taking so long?" Jay asked.
"We're just coming," dad said.
"Darren was on shift by the way," Jay said.
"Oh yea?" Milo replied nonchalantly.
"Yea he says he didn't wash his hands before handling your meat feast," Jay told him.
Dad put his fingers in his ears and walked out of the room.
"OMG! He's so sweet," Milo said.
"So, are you done with your monotone?" Jay asked.
"Yea," Milo enthused. "I think we're ready to begin..."
TO BE COMMENCED...
This was just a fun summary of the story so far, for the continuation of The SEX Men, see chapter one of The Sext Class.
Feedback and comments are my only compensation, so if you enjoyed the story, please get in touch:
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My stories so far:
https://www.nifty.org/nifty/authors.html#jforrester
Complete series: School Exhibitionism, The Symposium, The Embarrassment of Riches, Do As You're Told, A Series of Embarrassing Events, and Noah the Embarrassed Nudist.
Also: Anthology, and The SEX Men.
Short stories: Aiden's Accidental Autoerotic Assignment, Jogging Joe's Jaunty Journey, Peter's Past Posing Pictures, and Nightmares On Fig Leaf Street.
Ongoing, but on hiatus: Magnificently Mortifying Modelling Maladies.