The Secret Vagina
I look like a girl from behind. I don't mean when I'm walking through the mall or riding up an escalator. You'd notice nothing unusual about me then, but if I am without pants and I'm kneeling with my butt in the air, then I look like a girl. Exactly like a girl if I have my hands over my penis. There are all sorts of birth defect, mine was that I was born with a vagina located between my penis and my anus, where most guys have what they call a `taint, I have a perfectly formed vagina.
My name is Alex and, ready or not, here is my strange story.
It was a secret, so secret that my siblings didn't even know about it, my dad left when I was a baby, so it was just between mother and I. Mother taught me well to keep my secret vagina well under wraps. The one time I played `show me yours, I'll show you mine', mother caught me and spanked the tar out of me. I didn't try that again, and what that taught me was that my penis I could be proud of, my vagina I had to keep a secret.
I could shower with the other boys after gym without risk of discovery if I were extremely careful. Upon my mother's insistence, I had to practice drying myself off with her watching to ensure I knew all the positions that would expose me. You cannot imagine the humiliation I felt having to bend and lean and twist and turn naked in front of my mother as a pre-teen boy.
Believe me, I tried to resist that, I cried, and stomped my feet, I had a complete meltdown trying to resist, but in the end, mother used her hairbrush on me and then again after I had stripped my clothes off.
I wasn't spanked a lot when I was growing up, but humiliation became an effective motivator for me, so mother kept it in her back pocket, so to speak.
As I grew older, I mostly ignored that fact that I had a vagina, it was just another body part that I only ever considered when I was washing down there. Even after I hit puberty and discovered self-pleasure, I never went for my vagina for pleasure, sticking just to my male sex organ.
That didn't change until I heard boys at school talking about how deep a woman's pussy was, that it could hold a twelve-inch cock. I had never put anything sizable inside of my vagina, not even a finger, so my curiosity was piqued. When I got home that afternoon, I went into the bathroom, wet my finger and inserted it into my vagina. It was still too dry and hard to work my finger up there, so I lathered up some soap and tried again. It slipped in easily and I pushed it as far up as I could, encountering no blockage.
I when I put a second finger in, this time moving my fingers around while they were inside of me, I felt a jolt a pleasure that caused me to gasp out loud and for my vagina to become wetter and wetter with every stroke. I sat down on the toilet bowl and moved my fingers in and out, faster and faster. My penis grew erect and I started to play with that at the same time but had trouble with the awkward angle, so I left it alone and focused on my vagina. I didn't have an orgasm that day, but I got a lot of pleasure inserting my fingers into my vagina.
That night I lay away felling ashamed that I had touched myself there. I was taught from a young age that I should ignore that part of me altogether and vowed that night never to do that again. I broke that vow within a week.
Once my will was broken, I became addicted to touching myself there, then discovered inserting objects up there. I used carrots, cucumbers, pens, thick markers, I even rode a wine bottle which proved to be a game changer for me. I discovered that if I squatted on the bottle, I could use one hand to keep my balance and the other to play with my penis. The pleasure from that was overwhelming, and the first time I did that, I did have a vaginal orgasm that came in waves, different from the pulsating orgasm of my penis.
The wine bottle was my new favorite pastime and whenever I was home alone, I went and picked one out of the wine rack. I played with different sizes and shapes, then put it back after cleaning it off before anyone came home.
The inevitable happened and eventually I was caught by my mother. On this mortifying day, I had gotten home from school before anyone else, I figured I had half an hour to get busy, so that's exactly what I did. I was lost in the dual pleasure, eyes closed and bouncing up and down on the phallic while pumping my penis simultaneously. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion then, I felt a change in the atmosphere, like the air pressure changed suddenly, which turned out to be mother opening my bedroom door. Next thing I knew, my mother was yanking me up and off of the wine bottle, then pushing me to the floor once the wine bottle was out of me.
I was too shocked to move at first, but my senses came back to me and I scrambled to find my clothes, pulling my jeans on without bothering to replace my boxers. My mother hadn't said anything yet, but when I looked up at her, her face was red, and her eyes were blazing.
"That it forbidden, Alex. You should know better than to do something so disgusting in this house." She turned and shut my door, but not before telling my sister, who must have been in the hallway, to go start her homework.
"You will never do that again, is that clear, young man?" I was starting to get scared; I have never seen my mother so angry.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. She came further into my room, walking towards my desk.
"Get up, Alex. Pull your pants back down and lean over your bed." I was fifteen at this point, far too old for a spanking, but that is exactly what mother intended to do.
She picked up a ruler and turned back to me, "Get to it, now." Fear got the better of me, so I dropped my pants and leaned over my bed. Mother stepped up behind me and delivered a fiery fifteen-minute spanking. I buried my face in my bedspread and bawled like a child.
She left me after a short lecture to go and make dinner. I cried at the shame of the spanking, the humiliation of being caught doing something so disgusting, I knew I deserved what I got and again vowed to never touch my vagina.
I washed up and went to join my sister in the dining room for dinner. Andrea, my sister, was sitting at the table doing her homework and mother was in the kitchen preparing our meal. I poured a glass of water and sat down gingerly.
My sister didn't waste any time before she started in with the teasing. "I thought a boy of fifteen would be too old for a spanking, but I guess not. Do you need a pillow?" I tried to ignore her, but she kept at it until I felt the tears of shame return. My anger was growing, but I was still contrite from my earlier discipline.
I was considering my options, smack her right in the head or run back to my room for another cry; and more humiliation. As it were, I didn't need to do either, for mother was listening in on what was transpiring with her two children. She came into the dining room with a large wooden spoon, causing my heart to race in fear, but it wasn't me that she was gunning for this time.
She waked past me, yanked my sister out of her chair, sat down in her stead and pulled Andrea over her lap. Flipping up her dress and pushing her panties down while my sister protested, begging to be let up.
I didn't want any part of this, so I tried, as quietly as I could, to slip out of my seat and head back to my room.
"Sit, Alex, not a peep out of you either." I slumped back into my seat, not wanting to anger her further.
Mother put one leg over the backs of Andrea's legs, picked up the spoon and went to town on my sisters bare behind. I watched as the spoon made red splotches all over her bottom. I watched her cheeks jiggle while she tried in vain to kick her trapped legs.
My sister was four years younger than I, so not quite a mature young lady yet, and I was able to confirm that on this fateful day. With her legs trapped as they were, her front half of her body bend at a sharp angel, this cause her legs to spread and, in turn, for her vagina to peek out from between her legs. As her cheeks bounced from each spank, they would jiggle open and bit more, exposing even more of her privates to me.
This was the first time I had seen a vagina, one besides mine anyway, and it was an opportunity to compare a girls' privates with mine. She was smaller than I was, but not by much, so the comparison was apples to apples as far as I could tell. Except for the fact that she was a real girl and I was something in between, they looked identical. Same amount of plumpness, same poutiness, they were a genetic match.
I couldn't quite explain it, but this discover shamed me even more, that I didn't have a male version of a vagina was startling to me.
When mother completed Andrea's spanking she was told to get up, which she did, bending and opening her legs even more in the process, this time affording me a clearer view between her legs, this time I could also see her anus. It was pretty much the same view you'd have if it were I getting up, except you might also see my dangling maleness.
Mother had her turn to me and apologize, which she did, exposing her front to me. She was crying whether from the pain of the paddling or from the humiliation only she could say, but with her eyes full of tears, I took advantage of her temporary lack of vision and glanced down at her privates again. Here is where we differed, she had a pouty vagina, no penis in sight.
She redressed and sat back down in sullen silence, we both did, waiting for our dinner.
So that's how it was in the early years, the years that were supposed to be years of discover and exploration became a test of wills for me, fear of discovery verses raging hormones and desire. The fear mostly won out, but there were occasions when I would slip my fingers past my erect penis to find my secret vagina and I'd play with my wetness until I'd have what I would later understand to be, a female orgasm.
My Strange Body
I would pray on most nights before going to sleep that I would grow taller and manly; the more masculine the better. I wanted beefy muscles and thick chest hair. I wanted a full beard, and a masculine face. It wasn't to be, though, I grew very little hair, anywhere on my body and nothing on my face, nor on my chest. What was even worse is, instead of having pecks that I could build into muscles, I grew puffy nipples and the beginnings of breast. It was a daily battle to keep them under wraps, wearing only baggy shirts, even though the fashion was to wear form-fitting attire, I wasn't about to flaunt my budding breasts.
I kept it hidden even from mother for the first year or so, but it was inevitable that mother noticed them.
One evening after dinner while Andrea and I were doing the dishes, mother spoke from the kitchen entrance, "Alex, come with me please." Andrea griped that I was getting out of helping, but one look from silenced her. Andrea was still getting spanked often enough that she knew when to zip it. I spied on her as often as I could when she was getting it, or even when she was changing. I wasn't attracted to my sister so it wasn't sexual by nature, but I wanted to know if we were developing the same in those areas.
I followed mother out of the room, and she led me to her room. She waited by the door, shutting it after I passed through the threshold.
She wasted no time, "Alex, do you have breasts?" I flushed when she called them breast and that was all the reply I could manage. She seemed mad, as if this I had done something to make the things grow.
She seemed to consider something then spoke through pursed lips, "Show them to me." I stared back in surprise, I wasn't going to take my shirt off and show my mother my boobs. "Mother, please." I begged.
She wasn't budging, "Alex, I need to see what's going on with you. You can show me now, or I can spank you and you can show me with a sore bottom." She seemed to know that humiliation was my great motivator.
I waited as long as I dared, I had no doubt that she would spank me, even at my age as a legal adult. With tears stinging my eyes, I pulled my shirt over my head and looked at the floor as she examined my small bumps. Time seemed to come to a stop, stretching on and on as mother stared at her son's boobs. She finally seemed to have seen enough, "Okay, but on your shirt, Alex." She wasn't however, through embarrassing me, "What about your vagina, has it changed at all?"
I didn't want to have this conversation with mother, I was getting upset, feeling the annoyance turn to anger. "It's fine mother, it's the same. Can I please go back and finish my chores?"
"Alex, I will let you know when you are dismissed. I want to see it. You can take off your pants and lean forward. Hold your penis if you don't want me to see that."
The tears were full on now, the humiliation was unbearable, but I didn't want to add insult to injury by earning a dose of the hairbrush too. I turned around and undid my jeans, pushing them down and cupping my penis and testicles before leaning forward. She squatted down some to get a look between my legs before, apparently, discovering that she wasn't able to get a good enough look.
"I can't see it; can you climb on the bed please?" Golly was there no end to this; she had no right to do this to me and I was becoming defiant. "Why don't you just take a picture, then you can look at it whenever you want." As soon as I said it, I knew it was a mistake.
Mother pulled me to a standing position by my hair, spun me around and slapped me so hard my ears rang.
She stared at me, red faced and breathing only through her nose, her mouth forming a hard line. I knew I was in trouble, and deep down, I knew I deserved whatever I was about to get, I had never spoked to her like that.
"On the bed, now." I scrambled to obey now, not even bother to cover up my maleness, I climbed on the bed on my hands and knees, pointing my bottom, and my vagina, to my mother. Mother came up behind me and examined me, she spoke again, this time more calmly. "You are developing equally; that isn't usually the case with people with your, uh, condition."
My condition, that's what it was, a condition. It felt like a lot more than a condition.
I stayed in my humiliating position until I was told I could get down. By the time I was down and reaching for my jeans mother had left and returned from her closet holding her long shoehorn. I knew what I was in store for as soon as I saw it, but I pretended I didn't see it and continued to pull my jeans back on.
"Hold on, Alex. Your horrible attitude needs a little adjusting, don't you think?" I was eighteen. I could join the army and fight in a war, but I was still about to get my bare bottom spanked by my mother. I groaned, but obediently turned around, letting my jeans drop back down and bent forward, over the bed. I waited, but mother had other ideas, she called me over to her. When I turned to see what she wanted, she was already seated her desk chair.
She wanted me over her lap. This was ridiculous, I was a grown man, well kind of, and she expected me to lay over her knee like a five-year-old child.
I shuffled forward and awkwardly laid down as she directed. I waited and vowed to keep my crying to a minimum.
She laid into me with gusto, stopping along the way to speak at me about my attitude. She spanked and spanked and soon I was kicking my legs and sobbing my heart out.
After she had worn me out, and probably her arm too, she stood me up and told me that she wanted to make sure that was my last spanking. If she said to jump, I was to say, how high. I readily agreed.
"Now go and send you sister to me, tell her I know she was at the door listening in on us. I'm sorry, Alex, but we are going to have to tell her your secret but don't worry, Alex, I am going to impress on her the importance of keeping it a secret."
I begged and pleaded for mother to not tell her, but in the end, she won out, rightfully pointing out that she likely heard our whole conversation anyway.
"I stopped by the bathroom to wash up and went off to find my sister and tell her a secret that I hoped to take to my grave.
She was back in the kitchen putting the dishes away. I was angry at her, "Guess you heard all that." She turned around and leaned against the counter and looked my right in the eye. I expected her to tease me, to poke fun at my predicament, but she didn't. She had a mixture of confusion and sympathy. Like she just found out she had a sister instead of a brother.
She didn't even try and hide it, "I'm sorry I was snooping. Even though I know you snoop in on me when I'm getting it, I didn't mean to hear all that. I'm sorry." She finished the last part lamely, knowing as I knew, that sorry wasn't going to change anything.
"Mother wants to see you." That's all I said before heading to my room, I hoped that mother would do the telling and leave me alone.
I had just laid down in my bed when Andrea knocked and, without waiting for an answer leaned in and said, "Mother wants us together."
I resigned myself to having to be there when my secrets were spilled. I followed her out of my room and into my mothers room. Once again, mother was waiting by the door to her room and shut it behind us, even though there wasn't anyone else in the house.
She pointed to the bed and asked us to have a seat, while she placed the chair, the one she was sitting in for my spanking, a short distance in front of where we Andrea and I were on her bed.
She addressed Andrea, looking at her with a most serious of expressions, "You were snooping, and I believe you overheard something that your brother and I were discussing." Andrea looked down, then back up before replying, "I'm sorry mother, I'm so sorry, I only wanted to hear what was going on."
Mother's expression didn't change, "We will address your snooping in a few minutes, right now I want to know what you overheard."
My sister looked down again, as if she had stored the answers to mother's questions on her lap.
"Umm, I couldn't really hear too well, but I thought it was about Alex having boobs, but I think I must have heard wrong.
I was cringing at the word boobs, and it was my turn to study my lap.
"Alex was born different, and some of those difference are starting to become more prominent. We are going to trust you with those differences, but you are going to take these secrets to your grave, do you understand me?"
Her curiosity was on the rise for now she was looking back at mother, possibly even forgetting that she was still in trouble.
"We didn't notice anything out of the ordinary when he was born, it took some years of growing before the difference became apparent, and when he reached puberty, they became even more apparent."
My sister's mouth hung open in shock, "Alex is a girl?" She blurted this out, making my cringe factor go up a few notches.
"No, Andrea, he is all boy. Well, almost all boy, that is." She said this with a little too much mirth, I thought. Was she trying to turn this into the most humiliating experience of my life?
"The boobs are a new development. Alex was born with both a penis and a vagina. He is what they call a hermaphrodite."
I hated that word, I didn't want to be a freak, but there was no denying that I had dual equipment.
Mother continued, "Most of the time with hermaphrodites, one or the other of the sex organs do not fully develop, but with Alex, he has both, a fully developed penis and vagina."
I don't know why I had to be here for this, except for the humiliation factor, maybe mother was still angry with me.
"Not only are they fully developed, but they are also fully functioning, the penis can become erect and the vagina can self-lubricate."
I'd had enough, I stood to leave, the tears beginning to fill my eyes. Mother allowed me to leave the room, but I needed to hear the rest, I needed to know what else she was going to say to my sister.
"We need to protect him and keep this a family secret. Things are going to be tough on him and he's going to need us, but I won't be around forever, so you are going to have to be his lifelong confidant."
Mother then asked if she had any questions, which she did and a lot of them. I heard enough and went to my room to hide and cry.
A short time later Andrea came to my door, knocking gently and asking he she could come in. I didn't want to face her quite yet but thought again that maybe I should just get it over with. Pull the bandage off quickly. I quietly said that she could come in, which she did.
She stood in the dark room letting her eyes become adjusted before making her way to my bed, sitting on the edge.
She put her hand on my back, like mother sometimes did and said, "I love you Alex. I haven't always been a good sister but I'm going to change that." She then laid down with me and put her arm over my back and pressing her mouth to my ear, "I hope you can forgive me, Alex."
And I did. In that moment I felt closer to her than to anyone in my entire life. She knew all my secrets and she would keep them safe.
We lay like that for a while before she spoke again, "Mother is going to spank me for snooping." I didn't know why she was telling me that, but she didn't seem too worried, as if she just said that mother was going to pick her up from soccer practice.
I was feeling better about everything then, so I joke a little, "there is a lot of that today, it would seem." It took a few moments for it to sink in, then we both laughed together.
"Oh, my god, what did she spank you with, you were howling!" Okay, that wasn't funny, but I didn't want to ruin the moment, so I just told her, "That long shoehorn. Luckily, I was over her lap for it, so she couldn't really get the full swing."
She groaned, "I hope she doesn't use that on me. I don't mind being spanked, but that thing is brutal."
I rolled on my side, curious about what she meant about not minding the spankings, I hated them. "What do you mean, you don't mind the spankings."
It was her turn to cringe, but before I could interrogate her more, mother called for us to come into the family room. We both knew that Andrea was in for a spanking and since she called both of us, I was a little concerned that I was going to get another one.
We made our way into the living room to find mother waiting for us, shoehorn in hand.
As it turned out, I wasn't in trouble at all, but Andrea was, as was expected. Mother directed Andrea to take off her pants and panties and to lay over the back of the couch. She blushed at having to undress in front of us but did as she was told and then climbed over the back of the couch. I didn't want to watch this, but I also didn't want to call attention to myself at that time.
Mother and I were both behind where Andrea was bent over the couch and because of her size, my sisters feet did not touch the floor. The position was downright lewd, a brother should never see his sister in this position. With her feet off the ground, her legs fell naturally open so I could see everything.
Mother said something more, but didn't hear what she said, I just stared at a genetic version of me. She then began the spanking and didn't stop until my poor sister was practically bouncing up and down on the couch.
The spanking ended and my sister hobbled out of the room without any pants and headed down the hallway, presumably to her room.
That was the last time I saw my sister punished, though she was still punished in that manner, I was thankfully left out of future procedures.
I did one year of junior college before I left for a university in another state where my strange body took me even deeper into the abyss.