THE SECRET MEMORIES OF LORD MORIESSON By Andrej Koymasky Š 2010 Written on July 27, 2002 Translated by the Author English text kindly revised by Brian
USUAL DISCLAIMER
"THE SECRET MEMORIES OF LORD MORIESSON" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.
Chapter 20 - How when a man less expects it, he finds true love
I thought, with the last chapter devoted to the last year, I had written "The End" to these secret memories. I am instead setting about to write a new chapter.
Memories concern the past, therefore they should cease with the part dealing with last year, that is 1696.
But what is happening this year is so incredible, exceptional and wonderful that it is not enough to just note it in my last booklet of notes - I feel compelled to write about it more freely, in detail and profusely.
All that I am about writing started in the month of February of this year, and precisely on the 7th, at four o'clock p.m. (I noted it on my last booklet). I was in my library and was reading, when my secretary, Lukas, came in. I raised my eyes for a moment, just to see who was entering in the room, and thinking that Lukas just needed to put in order or to consult some books, I resumed quietly reading.
Soon after, a shadow entered my visual field and I heard a light cough, like somebody trying to get attention. I raised my eyes again and Lukas was there, in front of me, and was looking in my eyes as if to ask me leave to talk.
"Yes, Lukas? What's up?"
"May I talk with you, milord?"
"Is it a long subject?Ó I asked, without knowing why, as in fact I didn't have time problems and what I was reading was neither so important nor so fascinating that I would regret stopping it.
"It depends, milord. It could take just a few minutes orÉ become something quite longÉ" he answered and I noticed a slight embarrassment seep out of his voice while he was saying these words.
His face, although not really blushing had slightly reddened. His eyes, that were looking straight in mine, were shining. He was there, straight, in an odd pose, as it was an agreeable mixture of deference, of languor and tension. I surprised myself thinking that the boy was becoming more and more beautiful as he became olderÉ
"Have a seat, then." I said, shaking from my silent examination, from that mute contemplation.
Yes, undoubtedly Lukas had grown up into a splendid example of male. He sat down, leaning his hands crossed on his lap, in a pose apparently relaxed, belied by his torso and shoulders being straight, almost stiff.
"So, then?" I invited him to talk, with a smile.
"Milord, it would not be easy telling youÉ Would you promise me you won't get angry with me?" he asked in a hesitant tone.
He might have done something wrong and feared my reactionÉ But he was usually so attentive, diligent, precise and careful that, inside me, I decided I could not get angry with him, whatever he could have done.
"I think I can surely make this promise to youÉ" I said, keeping anyway vague not to have to belie me afterwards.
"Well, milordÉ I am aware that my words might seem to you too daring, possibly disrespectful, butÉ" he hesitated, then said all in a breath, "I don't like you paying those boys for your pleasure."
I looked at him nonplussed, "Are you possibly rebuking me on morals? I thought that at least you would spare me that kind of respectable speeches."
"No, no! I have no rightÉ no intentionsÉ It is just thatÉ why should you pay those boys? What do they have that I don't have too?" he said and the last words were almost whispered.
I was even more nonplussed. "You, Lukas?" I asked, unbelieving what my ears had just heard, then, almost to make clear what I thought I had understood and that seemed to me impossible, I said, "You mean having sex with me? You and I?"
He gulped down but his eyes didn't move away from mine, "Yes, milord. I know you like meÉ and I now have the right ageÉ for youÉ andÉ I would like to be the one who can make your hours less lonelyÉ your nightsÉ"
"I don't understandÉ" I answered trying to give meaning to what was happening. "Why?" I then asked, almost to gain time.
"Because IÉ IÉ I love you, milord! And I suffer knowing that you are in the arms of those unknown boysÉ and to pay them on your behalfÉ If you had a lover, I would have remained asideÉ butÉ why not me?" he asked again.
"YouÉ you love me?" I said shaking my head.
"Yes, milord, I love you." he answered in a plain but determined tone.
"LukasÉ you know that I have always felt a great affection towards you, and I know that you too feel so for meÉ butÉ but love?"
"I am not asking you to love me, I know that such a thing cannot be asked. I am asking you only to let me love youÉ I don't think I am over presumptuous, butÉ I know you like me, and I know I can please you." he said and at those last words he delightfully blushed.
"LukasÉ oh, LukasÉ and for how long do you presume you have loved me?" I asked shaking my head again.
"I don't PRESUME, I KNOW it! Forever, milord. From when I was a little child. I absorbed love for you with the food, I grew in my love for you. And whenÉ when my virility started to awakenÉ I desired to become yours." he concluded and this time his face became red as embers.
"ButÉ why you are telling me this only now?" I then asked, trying to understand.
"I know that you like young men, but already mature. And now I am so. I know that you like them slender but strong and I always did lot of physical exercise to get a body as you likeÉ I therefore had to waitÉ For some time I have desired to talk with you, butÉ but I didn't have the heartÉ Like my father. But he always withdrew, he always kept silentÉ I instead managed to overcome my fear and therefore I am now here, in front of you."
"Your father? What has Sean to do with this?" I asked, amazed and curious for that unexpected hint.
"My father, milordÉ my father is in love with youÉ and it is thanks to him, in a sense, that I too started to love you."
"In love with me? Sean? Your father?" I asked widening my eyes, "But if heÉ"
"Yes. I know that you offered him three times the possibility toÉ and that he three times withdrew, hedged. Because he was in love with you, but he feared to not be adequate to you. He was feeling the difference between you was too big, a Lord, and he, a servant. He was in love with you, he would have liked to answer you with a yesÉ but he didn't have the heart. He feared what the others would say of himÉ a profiteer, a gold-digger. And he feared to not be able to give you what you deserve. So he decided to lie to you, telling you he couldn't do it with another man, and decided he would show you his love only by serving you devotedly to the day of his death, whatever might happen, remaining at your side as long as you wanted him with you. My father didn't want that IÉ that I declare to you my love. But I am different from him, times are differentÉ Don't judge me presumptuous, I well know I don't have a big value, and surely not more than my father. But I, differently from him, I would like to show you all my love alsoÉ also physicallyÉ if you allow me."
I was totally dumbfounded. I liked that boy very much, both for his character and physically. For a moment I imagined how I could be making love with him, and at once felt incredibly aroused. I then imposed my thoughts to take a different route.
"LukasÉ I thinkÉ I think you are mistaking a youthful infatuation with loveÉ"
"Infatuation, milord? An infatuation that lasts for at least fifteen years? A desire that doesn't desert me for ten years?"
"At times, when one cannot get what he is longing for, this can strengthen our desire. But then, when you get it, when the dream becomes realityÉ often one gets disappointed; one becomes aware that the thing he was dreaming about wasn't worth such a long wait. When the euphoria of the moment is over, one asks himself how could he have been so wrongÉ"
"Oh no, no milord! If I were just able to express what I feel for youÉ you would doubt my love not even a moment."
"Lukas, I esteem, admire you and I like you very muchÉ also physically, you are right. But I am more than twice your age; I am an old man, now. Your love would certainly be much more fairly given to a young man of your age. I really have a great affection towards you, butÉ but exactly because of this affectionÉ" I said without concluding my sentence.
"No, milord. You are a wonderful, special, unique man. Nobody ever can stand comparison. And about the difference of our ages, you like youths of my age best, don't you? And I don't ask you anything but to be with youÉ to belong to you."
"To be my lover."
"I don't ask you to love me, as I said. I know that it is something that cannot be asked. I am only asking you to let me love you, to accept my love. To cease paying those boys each time, who are so often different, and anyway unknown. Accept me in their place, I pray you! I know you can get from me all you can get from themÉ"
"Lukas, your offerÉ flatters me. But what can you find in a man of my age? My body doesn't have the freshness of the old times any more. Once I was handsome, desirableÉ and desired. But nowÉ look at me!"
"To me you always have been, are and will always beÉ"
"Handsome? Desirable?" I asked smiling unbelieving.
"The handsomest! The most desirable!"
"Incredible!" I exclaimed, more to myself than to him.
I could feel in his tone, I could read in his eyes that he deeply believed what he was saying to me.
"Believe me, I pray you!" he said with a low but steady voice.
"Do you like old people, Lukas?" I then asked him, in an attempt to understand him.
"No milord, neither old nor young. But you! Since forever, only you!"
"ButÉ I don't want to nose into your private lifeÉ but you surely have had relationships, sex with other men."
"YesÉ several men and several timesÉ"
"Youths? Aged? Be sincere."
"Mainly youths, but only because amongst boys more or less of the same age it is easier. And becauseÉ because IÉ I would have liked to remain pure for you butÉ a little the desire, and a little the thought I had to learn how to better please youÉ I managed to do it often with the boys you took hereÉ so I could ask them to teach me what you liked to do best and howÉ" he said and his tone lowered and he blushed. Then, as if regaining his self-assurance, he said, "But never did anybody penetrate me, because I wanted you to be the first and the only one. The boys told me that I had to at least use one of thoseÉ one of those artificial penises made of wood or leather, so thatÉ to open me up. But I would like thatÉ that it took the shape of yourÉ" he said and blushed again like a burning ember, but he didn't move his eyes away from mine.
"Oh LukasÉ my poor Lukas! You spent more than half of your life in a dreamÉ"
"A dream you can make become realÉ" he suggested with a shy smile, and in that smile I read a silent, fervent prayer, a yearning hope, a burning desire.
"If youÉ if you Lukas asked me to simply take your pleasure with me, possiblyÉ I would possibly even have accepted, and possibly even with pleasureÉ because I find you really beautiful andÉ and very desirable. But how can I, honestly, play with your love, with your sentiments? I am very fond of you, Lukas, but I can't say I am in love with you. If I accepted your offer, I fear I would harm you. I don't want to give you a wound, Lukas."
"But I am not asking anything of you. I am not expecting anything from you, if you justÉ if you just accepted me. If you just allowed me to express to you all my love with my entire body, with all my soul. I desire that youÉ that you just take your pleasure with me. It is good for me, I don't desire anything else." he said, wholeheartedly.
"Another man, possibly, in my place wouldn't hesitate to accept such an offer - receiving everything without giving anything! But IÉ"
"Belonging to you is all but nothing! It is the reason why I am living, why I am breathing. If you refuse meÉ" he said with passion in his voice, but then became silent.
"If I refuse you?" I asked him.
"Nothing, forgive me."
"No, it is not true that it is nothing. If you want to belong to me, the first thing is being sincere with me, don't you think?" and as soon as I said these words I became aware that he could interpret them as a first yieldingÉ and they possibly were soÉ And, after all, why not yield? I asked myself, feeling confused.
"If you refused, my life will lose its taste, it would become grey, dull. ButÉ I would go on serving you with love, milord."
"And if now that I know what you are feeling for me, I send you out of my house?" I asked him, almost to re-balance the sentence that escaped me just before.
His eyes had a flash of pain, of fear - the boy evidently didn't foresee this possibility.
With a troubled, hesitant voice, he said, "I hope you will not do so, milord. But if you didÉ I couldn't do anything but go on loving youÉ from far away. I can't do anything else."
"If I send you away, it would possibly cool downÉ"
"It could be so; but to cool down fifteen years of love, it would take at least thirty years of lifeÉ and on that day I hope I will be no more on this worldÉ"
We both became silent for some time. I wasÉ overcome by the intensity of his emotionsÉ and by their beauty.
He then asked me, "Are you angry with me, milord? Because of what I told you? My father didn't want me to do it, he called me conceited, he called me reckless. He told me that such a request on my part would be a lack of respect towards you. But I certainly didn't intend to lack respect towards you, milord. Believe me!" he said in a sorrowful tone.
"Do I seem angry, Lukas?" I gently asked him.
"NoÉ butÉ no, but I ask you all the same to forgive me."
On impulse I took his hand (that he now had leaned on the small table that was between us) between mine and gently squeezed it.
"No, Lukas, I am rather flattered. But, do you see, I was absolutely unprepared for such a thingÉ All my life long I desired to love and to be loved back, but it seems that destiny always denied me such a grace. If I was in love, my companion was not. If he loved me, I was not in loveÉ SoÉ a few years ago I renounced to hope to know love. I renounced thinking about love. And now youÉ you are unsettling me. Is it possible? I am asking myself. Is it still possible? A young, healthy, sound, good, beautiful and intelligent boy as you areÉ in love with me! My god, it seems a dream! Loving youÉ I don't knowÉ but I don't think it would be difficult. No, because there already is affection, esteem, trust, and respect andÉ and also, even though up to now I silenced itÉ there is also desire. I cannot deny it, it would be a lie. All the ingredients of love. And yet, love is not just the sum of these ingredients. It is something else, it is something more. It is a strange alchemy that changes lead into goldÉ But IÉ will I be able to give it to you?"
"I told you, I don't ask it of you."
"But it is important to me. I could not accept your love, such a love, without returning it. I would never do such a thing to you, not I!" I countered, caressing his hand.
That simple, light, so little contact had the power to make me incredibly aroused, as I had not been for years. And it was making me feel an incredible, sweet warmth. Lukas and I? I never thought about it, but nowÉ
"Milord?" he said in a whisper.
"Tell me, LukasÉ"
"Could you at leastÉ try?" he shyly said.
"Try?" Ah, my boy, you know how to tempt me! TryÉ No, LukasÉ give me the time to understandÉ to understand myself. No, I cannot just try, with you. I have to be well certain, for a yes or for a no. I cannot give you another answer, honestly. But give me time, Lukas. I pray youÉ"
"You pray me?" he asked widening his eyes, then said, "YouÉ you don't know the joy you are giving me with this answer. Because you are showing me that you are seriously considering me, that you care for meÉ that you believe in my love."
"Of course, Lukas. For the affection I have for you. ButÉ you have to promise one thing."
"All you want!"
"If my answer were a noÉ let's make sure that affections still bind usÉ I don't want to lose you."
His eyes shone. He vigorously nodded in assent and his hand between mine for a moment intertwined his fingers with my fingers and he lightly squeezed. He then put his hands back on his lap.
"I will waitÉ I will wait for your answer. When you feel like giving it to me. Thank you, milord."
"Good."
"May I go now?" he asked me.
I nodded, as I was no more able to speak, I was so moved. Once again alone in my library I abandoned myself against the back of my chair and let out a deep sighÉ And I was already feeling the absence of Lukas. It never happened before.
Good Lord, that boy had totally unsettled me!
I thought, reflectedÉ He attracted me very much, in all sensesÉ why had I never tried it with him before? Why did I never consider that possibility? Possibly because I saw him come to this world, grow upÉ possibly because he was the son of Sean, and his three "no"s in some ways, inside me, had included also his sonÉ possibly because he was in my service, and I would have felt almost to take advantage of him, as after all I did in my youth with others of my servantsÉ
Lukas, young, beautiful, good-hearted, clever, sweetÉ and in love with me! What could I ask more from my life? But could I, would I be able to give him love? Why not! I felt for all my life long the yearning to find somebody who accepted my unconditional love and who returned it with the same devotion. And now, it was here, concrete and realÉ and for me!
I passed an agitated night, in a kind of drowsiness. Images of Lukas there on my bed aroused me, and in the vision of a half dream I saw me and him making loveÉ and it was not just sex, it was really loveÉ Yes, I would be able to give him loveÉ possibly.
When I woke up, the morning was bright. And my heart was singing. And yet I was still not ready to tell him yes. Notwithstanding the joy that his declaration was giving me. Notwithstanding the hope that it could be possible.
I got up. As soon as I met Sean, I told him, "Come with me into the lounge, I need to talk with you."
"Yes, milord." he said and from his glance I understood he guessed the reason for my request.
When we were in the lounge, knowing that if I sat down and asked him to sit down I would have embarrassed him, I too remained up.
"Sean, you know why I asked you to come here, don't you?"
"Yes, milord. And I ask you forgiveness for the cheekiness of my son. I prayed him, no, I ordered him to keep silent. But these youths of nowadaysÉ Forgive him, milord. He is not a bad boy, he didn't intend to show lack of respect towards you."
"I know, Sean, I know. And I have nothing to forgive. Don't worry. ButÉ in your opinionÉ in your opinion is he really in love with me? Don't you think it could be just a youthful infatuation?"
"If I may dare to clearly express what I think, milordÉ I have no doubtsÉ I never saw a deeper love than that of my son for you. He loves you more than he loves me and his mother, more than his own lifeÉ"
"More than how much you loved me, Sean?" I asked him, softly.
Sean blushed and lowered his eyes. He then murmured, "He told you even thisÉ what an impudent boyÉ he didn't have the right toÉ"
"You have always been in love with me, and you never told me, you never let me understand itÉ Is this the reason why you called your son Lukas?"
"I couldn't call him William, it would have been disrespectfulÉ"
"You never let me understand anything."
"I could notÉ I should notÉ"
"Not even when it was me who urged you, invited you? To make you understand my desire?"
"IÉ I thought you wanted simply take your pleasure with me. LoveÉ between a servant and his master, an aristocrat as you areÉ How could I hope, or just think to be loved by you? And even ifÉ how could I be worthy of you?"
"ThereforeÉ there cannot be love between your son and me. There cannot be a relationship."
"Times change, milordÉ I think it remains something rather difficult, but not impossible."
"And between you and I? Is it too late?"
He looked at me surprised, then smiled, "Yes, milord. I am now a married man, I love my wife, I will never cheat on her. Not even if you asked meÉ forgive me."
I smiled in my turn, "No, forgive me, Sean. I should not even have said it. But after all it is a pity you refused my offer at that timeÉ before you got married. You are a smart man, Sean, one of the best men I ever met. And remember this, I consider you more a friend than a servant. Since always. You are an essential part of my family, of my life."
"I know, milord, and I feel really grateful."
"Lukas is lucky having parents like you and Margarita."
"And a master like you."
"IfÉ if I answered him yesÉ if, I'm sayingÉ LukasÉ I could no more consider him like one of my servants."
"This is why I say it is a very difficult, if not impossible, thing. This is what I told him, as I well know youÉ"
"But this would not at all be a problem, for me."
Sean looked at me, serious, then said, "I have to presume that you have already decided."
"Yes."
"So, thenÉ so then let me talk with you with open heart, as a father."
"Of course, I pray you."
"Lukas is my only son, the light of my eyes, the warmth of my heart. IfÉ if one day you grew tired of himÉ if one day you wanted to cut with himÉ for any reasonÉ I pray youÉ do so that he will not have to suffer too much, my boy. I entrust him to you, milord. Have care of himÉ" he said, his eyes moist.
"If I answer him yesÉ I surely don't think of the matter lightly, be certain. Above all with Lukas."
"But youÉ are you in love with him?"
"I think I am, Sean. I love and desire him. And I would like to make him happy. Do you see, I thought about this all of yesterday afternoon, and all the evening, then all the night, and this morning alsoÉ It is a love in bud, possibly, but longing and ready to bloom. Honestly!"
"You have always been honest, I haven't even the least doubt about your word. What can I say to you? I hope that Lukas will never disappoint you, in any way, in any senseÉ"
"I think he will not. And I hope to never disappoint him."
"Would you tell him, or would you rather I tell him?" he then asked me.
"I should tell him. Send him to me, I will wait here for him."
Sean made a light bow, as usual, and went away.
While I was waiting for Lukas, I asked myself if I weren't making a rash decisionÉ if I weren't hurrying too much. But the thought of being loved by that boy, to love him, was fascinating to me and warmed my heart. No, I would surely never play with his sentiments.
Soon I heard knocking at the door.
"Come in!"
"My father told me that you were waiting for meÉ"
"Come in. Have a seat here, Lukas." I could ask him that, as he was less formal than his father. "I called you to give you my answer."
"Yes?" he asked in a whisper, holding back his breath.
"I thought about it for a long time. After our conversation and up to now, I have thought of nothing else."
"Yes?"
"And soÉ I decidedÉ let's try, Lukas. I think it is worth trying. I still cannot give you a definitive yes, but I want to try."
I had decided before to say ŇtryÓ, above all to not deceive him. But in reality, even though I could not say I was feeling one hundred per cent certain before, as soon as I saw him, inside me, it was immediately a full yes. As soon as he opened the door, my heart made a leap. A leap of joy.
His eyes shone like two stars. His lips opened in a so sweet smile that made me melt inside. I was moved, he was moved.
"If you and IÉ if we become loversÉ you have to stop calling me milord. You have to call me just William."
"Not yet, milord. I could not, I cannot. But whenÉ if your answer will become a yesÉ then it will become for me natural and pleasant, believe me!"
"You are right, Lukas. Anyway, from now on, you will take all your meals with me. And you will spend the nights with meÉ from now on."
"YesÉ" he said and I noticed that his hands, which were rested on his lap, were slightly trembling.
"But I put one condition to our relationship, Lukas."
"All you want!" he answered with genuine enthusiasm.
"You have to swear it."
"Certainly."
"You should be totally sincere with me, never hide anything from me, tell me all you think, all you feel above all. Also the most unpleasant things, the most difficult ones. Of course, as I too will do with you. Silences can kill a relationship much more than words."
"I swear!" he answered with a serious expression.
"And you should never do something only because I ask you."
"ButÉ I am in your serviceÉ"
"I was referring to ourÉ intimacy."
"AhÉ I swear!" he repeated in a low voice.
"Good. We have a long day in front of us. We have to go to the port for the new loadÉ"
"Sure, milord. I'll go get the buggy ready."
I would have liked to take him at once upstairs, to my bedroom. I would have liked to undress him, to look at his beautiful body, make love with him. Even there, in the lounge. But I imposed on myself to wait until that night.
The day seemed so long to me! Having him near me, now, gave me a new pleasure, and quite often also aroused me physically. I was feeling the desire to caress, to keep him in my arms, to kiss him.
I was now looking at him with new eyes - his glances, his movements, his body seemed to speak a new language. I now noticed plenty of small details that had before escaped me. And I was asking myself how I didn't fall in love with him a long time agoÉ And I was amazed that such a boy could be in love with me.
During dinner we talked about many things, increasingly more personal, desiring to open to each other. At supper our conversation acquired a more intimate colour - it was not really a flirt, but it was getting more and more near to being so. And after supperÉ
I didn't want to rush things, I was taking time, but I was longing to take him to my room, in that room which would become our bedroom.
And finally I made the decision, "Are you coming?" I asked him.
"YesÉ" he whispered, moved at least as much as me.
We went upstairs, and as I shut the room door, I finally took him in my arms, pulling him against me. He answered with a passionate embrace, pushing against me in his turn.
"I am happy having you hereÉ" I whispered to him.
"OhÉ IÉ" he said and was not able to go on, he was visibly moved and excited - I could feel his turgidity push through the clothes against mine.
I kissed him. He kissed me deeply, as if he were thirsty, thirsty for me.
I started to undress him with feverish hands, trying to control the intensity of the desire I was feeling. Before I could invite him to undress me, he too started to do it, and this simple gesture gave me deep pleasure. By the warm and soft light of the branched candlesticks, I was admiring the body that I was gradually unveiling. My god, how beautiful he was! He got the best of both his parents, who were both handsome. He got the velvety skin the colour of ancient gold from his mother, as well as her dark hair and green eyes. From his father he got the virile, lean but strong constitution, which with his exercise he had shaped for me into a delightful, perfect body!
I caressed, kissed him all over his body in a growing frenzy of desire and of passion. I tasted him with passionate joy. And he seemed to get crazy on my body, he seemed fascinated by it - it was the first time we had seen each other without clothes on. His clear pleasure while he uncovered me, looked, caressed, kissed me was flattering. It had been years since anybody had made me feel so. I had the feeling that my years were miraculously halved, I was feeling again fresh and full of energy like a young man! Thanks to him.
We were now wearing only our long underpants of fine cotton, tenting in front because of our erect virile members. I took Lukas by hand and guided him to my, to our bed. We went onto it and laid face-to-face on our sides. I took his face between my hands and kissed him for a long time. He hugged me tightly. Our hands started to explore the still unknown territory of the other's body. His mouth tasted like milk and honeyÉ
His excitation, the joy I was reading in his eyes, the desire that made his body quiver, the passion that his tongue communicated to me, made me feel again like a boy - the years seemed to glide away from me one after the other, until I felt like a boy of his same age! What a difference with the other boys!
His shuddering was intensifying, he vibrated, trembled, stiffened. With a choked voice he said in a moan, "NoÉ noÉ I'm aboutÉ I'm almostÉ I'mÉ coooomingÉ" he ended in a lament.
I embraced him tightly, against me, while his body was contracting and the cloth of his, of our underpants pressed against each other, absorbed the jets of the seed that was sprouting with force from his body.
When the strong orgasm ended, he started to relax, trembling, "Forgive meÉ I was not able toÉ"
"Shush, Lukas. It is all right, don't worry. The night is still young, we have all the timeÉ and we have all the nightsÉ"
"I was too excitedÉ It is too good being finally able to be in your arms."
"Yes, it is so also for me. Even if I didn't yet come."
"We have all the nightÉ" he said with a mischievous, and at once sweet smile. I kissed him and caressed his cheek. He curled against meÉ if he were a kitten, he would have purred.
We continued to caress and kiss each other, now with more calm but with unchanged, mutual desire.
I untied the strings of his underpants, "It is better to take these offÉ they are soaked, nowÉ" I said and cleaned him of his seed.
Then I took mine off also. We both were curious to see the last part of our bodies where our eyes had not yet been.
"You are beautifulÉ here alsoÉ" he said in a dream-like tone.
"Beautiful, I? If I am beautiful, then you are wonderful." I said and caressed his penis, still half erect.
He then lowered a hand to caress my turgid and throbbing genitals, "Will you make me yours, this night?" he asked me and a light of hope flickered in his beautiful eyes.
"If you desire itÉ"
"With all myself!"
"It can be painfulÉ at the beginning it can be difficultÉ"
"I know. Until one gets used to it. But then it becomes wonderful, the boys told me."
"But then, will you take me?"
"As you likeÉ"
"No. If YOU like. I would be pleased, that's sure, but only if you too want it."
"IÉ I want everything from youÉ with you! Everything!" he said with a sincere enthusiasm, and I perceived that his penis, under my caresses, was finding back all its youthful vigour.
"Good," I said him, "because I too want everything from you, with you."
I had guessed, or possibly hoped, we would have a complete union already that first time, therefore I made sure there was, near the bed, the small jar of ointment which comes from the Orient. It is a special ointment, different from ours, which has the power of making the muscles relax but without lessening their sensitivity. I was in fact somewhat worried for Lukas who was still virgin at twenty-two years of age. One who starts anal sex very early, in his adolescence, is able to relax much more easily than one who starts at a more adult age. This had been explained to me by my physician friend, and it was he who gave me, and was continuing to supply me, that special ointment.
We caressed and kissed for a long time all over our bodies, until we both were again fully excited. He didn't ask me to take him, and neither I to let me take him. At a certain point we just felt that the moment had come. I took the small jar and while I carefully and cautiously lubricated his inviolate hole, massaging it for a long time with my fingertips, he was spreading the ointment on my hard rod with the same care and attention. I could feel his desire to receive me inside him intensify with each passing minute.
Lukas made me feel desired, and this was a wonderful sensation. He laid on his back. I kneeled between his legs and raised them, putting his ankles on my shoulders. He smiled at me. I parted his sweet, small, firm and so wonderful buttocks. He guided my rod on his little hole and I felt it throb, almost as if to give me a welcome.
"Are you ready, Lukas?"
"More than ready!" he answered with a bright smile filled with joyous anticipation.
"Here I am, then." I said starting to push and slightly moving my pelvis in small circles to facilitate the relaxing of his sphincter.
He pushed more. He opened his lips and held his breath. His body instinctively stiffened to oppose the invasion, but he ordered it to relax, so provoking a set of very short and fast contractions.
"HarderÉ" he said in a moan.
"I don't want to hurt youÉ"
"HarderÉ" he insisted.
His expression was now intense. I pushed.
"Ah!" he exclaimed shutting his eyes for a moment. I became still at once. "NoÉ harder." he asked me.
I pushed more but it seemed impossible to penetrate him. My glans was almost aching. Then, all of a sudden, the tip of my rod sank inside him to the crown of the glans.
"Aaaahhhh!" he exclaimed again and his face showed the intensity of his pain. I again became still. "Don't stopÉ" he asked me, with a mix of pain and passion in his moist eyes.
"Yes, it's better I stop. You have to get used to it. We are not in hurry."
"I AM in hurry!" he whispered.
"You waited for ten yearsÉ you can wait some more minutes. And anyway I am already inside youÉ a little."
"Too littleÉ I want it allÉ it all inside meÉ"
"You will, don't worry. But I don't want to hurt you. No more than is unavoidable. Relax, Lukas."
I noticed that his penis had shrivelled, softened. His sack was tense and his testicles were held tight against his groin. It was the effect of the pain, I knew it. I started again to caress all his body. He was trembling.
"Is it very painful?" I asked him.
"It's just the first timeÉ but I'm so happyÉ"
"But it hurts you, doesn't it?"
"I will get used to it, milord. My channel will take your shape and it will enter in me like a sword in its sheath."
"But now it's hurting you." I insisted.
"YesÉ but I don't care. I want you all inside meÉ pleaseÉ"
"Relax, then. When I will feel you are relaxed, I will resume pushing."
"I am trying, milordÉ"
I continued to caress him, and lowered on him to kiss him. I felt that his penis was growing, hardening, and pulsating again against my belly. Going on to play with his tongue, I brushed his nipples. He moaned, and relaxed. And my rod started to sink into him, almost of its own will, as I wasn't applying more pressure.
"Oh, milord, here you are!" he said with luminous eyes, "Oh!" he exclaimed widening his eyes when my rod reached and brushed against his pleasure spot. "Oh yes!" he sighed.
I slightly increased my pressure, continuing to kiss him, until my testicles were strongly pressed against his sweet buttocks and I could not go down any further.
"I'm totally inside youÉ" I whispered.
"Yes, I feel itÉ You areÉ great! You are filling me totallyÉ It's beautiful, too beautiful. You made me yours."
"Does it hurt?"
"A little, yes, but just a littleÉ and the pleasure is strongÉ and the joy is hugeÉ It has been worth waiting for this for ten years."
"You are mine, Lukas!" I said, feeling moved.
"All yours, milord. Thank you."
I barely moved, spying the reaction on his beautiful face - the pain seemed to have disappeared or at least diminished enough.
I started to slowly move my pelvis back and forth, slipping out and in him. He opened into a delighted smile, and his beautiful pole, prisoner between our bodies, was strongly throbbing - yes, undoubtedly his pleasure overcame his pain. I moved with less fear and with some more vigour. I continued to fill his tight and hot channel which adhered to my rod "taking its shape" as he said. The excitation was increasing in our bodies with each of my backs and forths, and with each of my lunges into him he pushed his bottom against my groin - I understood he desired that I took him with more energy.
I therefore abandoned any caution and started to take him with all the vigour that my desire suggested me, although continuing to check on his face for the eventual expression of a sudden pain. But I was reading on it only an increasing pleasure expression.
"Oh, Lukas, how beautiful you are!" I said feeling the orgasm gradually seizing each fibre of my body.
That so complete, so intimate union was different from any other union I had, I experienced. And I suddenly felt the impulse to tell him - I love you! But I managed to restrain myself - I didn't want him to think that these words were only dictated by my imminent orgasm.
He was pushing against me, and shuddering, moaned and tossed his head on the pillow - his orgasm had to be getting closer. His pleasure seemed to be at least as intense as mine. In that moment I recalled Bill, when he took my virginity on that evening more than thirty years before. Now it was me who was taking Lukas' virginity and it was as if a cycle had closed and a new one were starting. Then all the thoughts vanished from my mind - the orgasm seized us and I felt that he and I were one only thing! And we reached heaven, together and at once.
I again felt the impulse to tell him "I love you", but again succeeded in keeping silent. But his eyes, in the flood of the double orgasm, were telling me those words clearly.
When the last contraction was over, when we had given each other all our seed, mine poured deeply inside him, his cementing our bodies like a love-glue, I relaxed on top of him. When our hearts started to again beat regularly, when our breath calmed down, I started to slip out of him.
"Not yetÉ pleaseÉ" he said with such a sweet smile that I would have given him a kingdom, if I had one.
I remained inside him. We caressed each other, gently.
And finally I said to him, moved and happy, "I love you, Lukas!"
"Yes, William." he simply answered.
THE END
In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to read them, the URL is
http://andrejkoymasky.com
If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English translations, so that I can put on-line more of my stories in English please e-mail at
andrej@andrejkoymasky.com