THE SECRET MEMORIES OF LORD MORIESSON By Andrej Koymasky Š 2010 Written on July 27, 2002 Translated by the Author English text kindly revised by Brian
USUAL DISCLAIMER
"THE SECRET MEMORIES OF LORD MORIESSON" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.
Chapter 10 - How I visited the Tuscany Grand-duchy, the land of love
Back again to England, my father and my mother were quite worried about my health. Therefore a few months after my return to our London residence, they decided I had to go to Italy, which in those years was a very fashionable destination for the youth of the English aristocracy, not only for its mild and healthy climate, but also for its history, arts and culture. The "grand tour" as it was called, was the dream of many of the youths of my age.
But since the basic reason for my travel to Italy was my health, my father didn't offer me a "grand tour" but instead a stay in Tuscany, as he feared that otherwise I would become too tired - I asked my father to be accompanied by Sean and his family, so that they could take care of me, and my father at once and willingly accepted.
After crossing the Channel we made the journey in two coaches, passing through France and taking short stops to have some rest and to see the most interesting points of that kingdom. We then crossed the duchy of Savoy - the crossing of the Alps was quite inspiring, even though rather tiring. Then, past the Montferrat marquisate, we reached the Genoa republic. From there, crossing the small territory of the Lucca republic, we finally reached the Grand-duchy of Tuscany where reigned Cosimo III de' Medici.
In my notebooks there is the chronicle of the entire journey and of the various stops, of the beautiful things I had the occasion to admireÉ but that I won't report here. To tell the truth that journey would deserve a book apart, and who knows, one day I may write it.
When we reached Tuscany, after we stayed for about a month in the capital, Florence, a wonderful city for the arts that permeates every one of its corners, we finally moved to the small settlement of Bagni di Casciana, a small thermal centre with hot springs already known in the times of the ancient Romans.
Although the village was small, there were three hotels and several inns, in fact aristocrats and wealthy merchants flocked there, not only from various parts of the Grand-duchy, but also from the bordering nations. There was therefore a lively social life. The inhabitants of the small centre were all or almost all working, directly or indirectly, for the hotels or the thermal baths, as the farmers were all living on their fields, far from the village, and came there only to sell the products of their lands, to supply the hotels and the inns.
My father, through one of his friends who lived in Florence, had rented for me a well furnished little house at the edge of the village, which had been rented up to then by a famous jurist of the Pope's Land, and which was still supplied with ancient furniture of some value. But I used to spend almost all the day time at the thermal baths or in the halls of the hotels, especially when I started to make my first acquaintances. I was the only Englishman, but there were also some French, Spanish and German aristocrats, although the majority came from the various nations and small territories of Italy.
It was at the thermal baths where I first met Federico the Marquis Piccini of Colfiorito, a young man from the Pope's Territory; he was twenty-four years old, therefore two years younger than me.
Federico was a young man dressed in a rather sober way, although elegant, and he had a very lively character that seemed barely restrained but that glimmered continuously behind his eyes. He had lived in Bagni di Casciana for a year, as he was of very delicate health. He therefore knew all who resided in the small thermal centre and everybody knew him.
It had been him who, the first time I went to the thermal baths, came towards me with a wide smile and greeted me in French, introducing himself and asking me who I was and from where was I coming.
"You are English! Do you know that, from what I know, it has been almost five years that no Stuarts' subjects have been seen here? A real rarity. And from what I can see, an agreeable rarity, in your case. It seems in fact that your predecessor was an old, gouty and quite irritable man. Do you plan to stay for a long time here with us?"
"I still don't know exactly, but certainly more than one year. But tell me, what are the possible distractions in this small village? What can a young man like you or me do here?"
"We do all we canÉ we gather in merry company and do what we can not to get bored. Or at least not too bored."
"And tell me, are the waters of these springs really healthy as it is said?"
"It would be enough that you believe they are, and they become so." he answered with a light irony. "In my opinion what is really healthy in this country is the good food and the delicious wine. Of course, provided that one doesn't go to extremes with any of them. But tell me, rather, where are you staying? In which of the hotels?"
"In none, I'm renting a small house that once belonged to a certain Roman juristÉ"
"Ah, I see, it is the house that here is called of the handsome sergeantÉ"
"Of the handsome sergeant? There should be an intriguing story behind this name. Do you know anything about it?"
"Of course. Just ask Federico and he will explain it to you. And if he doesn't know, he will find somebody to explain itÉ"
"FedericoÉ it's you, I presume."
"At your service. The handsome sergeantÉ Well it is said that he was a young Flemish man in retainer to the army of Emperor Charles V. It seems that when he passed through Florence, the handsome sergeant fell in love; he therefore left the army of the Emperor and fled away coming here with his beloved one, built the house where you are at present living and they lived there for ten years. When the handsome sergeant's lover died, he, falling into despair, killed himselfÉ"
"A tragic storyÉ and where are the two lovers buried?"
"Nobody knows. The legend goes that the bodies of the two lovers were stolen on a stormy night by devils, who brought them together with their souls to hell, because of their sinful relationshipÉ"
"Why, weren't they married?" I asked him.
"How could they get married?" Federico asked me with a sly smile, "as both of themÉ" and he lowered his voice to a whisper, "were men!"
I looked at him with an astounded expression, "This is what the legend narrates?"
"Yes, but always in a low voiceÉ and the legend says also that, after then, only unmarried men can live in that houseÉ"
"Come on! My servants, who live there with me, are married and even have a son!" I said laughing.
"Oh, but servants don't countÉ Are you married?"
"No, butÉ"
"And neither was the Roman jurist, although he was rather oldÉ And neither was the Venetian knight that lived there before himÉ No, believe me, this legend has very sound basisÉ And the legend tells also something else, that nobody knows, or that at least is never narratedÉ"
"And what is it?"
Federico looked into my eyes with a mischievous expression then, whispering into my ear, he said, "That all the inhabitants of the houseÉ don't love the other half of the sky, but only their own halfÉ Can you possibly refute this?"
"And you, Federico?" I then asked him, asking myself what game the handsome Italian was playing.
"I? If it is of any interest to youÉ I lived there for a month." he said with a wide smile, then added, "And I don't refute the legend at all."
"So, then, you too are a lover of your half of the sky?"
"Do you know, I was deemed to the ecclesiastical career." Federico said.
Amazed by that sudden change of the subject, I looked at him, "Yes?"
"Yes. I entered the convent of the Dominican fathers in Siena."
"And then?"
"It was there thatÉ I fell ill. The other student, who fell ill with me, was sent by his family to the court of the duke of Savoy. My family, instead, ordered me to come here, to be treated. At first, for about one month as I said, I lived in the house of the handsome sergeant. Then I preferred to move into a hotel, where I am living at present, to get a better treatment."
"Did you two fall illÉ at the same time?"
"Yes, because in reality it was me whoÉ infected Giuliano, the other student."
"An infectious illness, therefore?"
"So it is said. They found us raving with fever, on the bedÉ andÉ on the same bedÉ" he said looking at me with a provoking smile.
I laughed, "Come on! You are making fun of me!"
"On the contrary - I am trying to infect you too, William, to get you infected with my same feverÉ Don't tell me you would be scaredÉ" So saying he leaned a hand on my arm, and went on, "If I come to pay you a visitÉ would you be ready to become my handsome sergeant?"
"Don't you fear that the devils will come and take our bodies to hell?" I asked him, amused.
"It could be soÉ but before they can take us to hell, I will make you visit heaven."
Federico came to my house and kept his promise, he brought me to heaven. As tender and gentle as he was when he had me take him, he was that much vigorous and strong when it was he who took me. With him a love session was never short, it was always preceded by long and very pleasurable preliminaries, and followed by as long and pleasurable finales.
Afterwards we went out together, to the baths or to the lounges of the three hotels, where Federico introduced me to the most interesting of the guests. He knew "life, death and miracles" of each of them, as is said in that land, and of each of them he told me how they were in bedÉ
I became aware that Federico was falling in love with me. I fit well with him, and yet was not able to feel for him anything more than friendship. Nothing to be compared with what I had felt for the young and sweet Francis, who was still filling my heart. On one hand I was sorry not being able to return Federico's sentiments, but unhappily love is not like a lantern that you can light or blow out as you please.
So one day, while I was waiting for Federico in the lobby of his hotel, I noticed a strong but slender young man, with eyes and hair of an intense brown colour, dressed simply but properly, who was carefully shining the silver ware. I noticed that the youth often threw me furtive glances then busied himself in his work as soon as he was aware that I too was looking at him.
That young man had something of a sensually feline quality to him, a virile and elegant grace that soon had the power to make my blood throb in my templesÉ and between my legs. I discretely found information about him and came to know that his name was Dario, he was twenty-one years old, and was the youngest brother of the hotel owner.
I felt I desired him strongly and decided I should have him. I observed him in the following days and saw that he too was observing, studying me. We didn't yet have any occasion to exchange even just a word, but our eyes were speaking volumes in an increasingly explicit way.
One day, while Federico was gone to Florence for some errands and to retrieve some money from his family's banker, I was walking outside the circle of the village walls, and I crossed paths with Dario who was coming back from the country with a big basket full of fruit. As the lane was narrow and only one person could walk on it, Dario moved aside to give me way.
But I stopped in front of him and in my approximate Italian told him, "Dario, must you go back to the hotel in a hurry?"
He lightly blushed and looked at me, "No, sirÉ not so much in a hurry, I mean."
"You have beautiful fruits with youÉ I would like to taste them." I said and, instead of looking at the basket he was carrying, I cheekily looked between his legs.
"Not here, sirÉ" he answered with a low voice, "But if you likeÉ I would be glad to accompany you to your house and thereÉ you can check my fruits and taste them." and he blushed again, so showing me he caught my message.
The house of the handsome sergeant was not far from there and he followed me into it, to my room. When we were there, he quickly put down his basket and without a word undressed himself, showing me all his splendid nudity. He was already gloriously aroused. With a hand I tested the firmness of his turgid attributes.
He smiled and asked, "Do you like my fruits, sir?"
I nodded and undressed in my turn, then pushed him onto my bed. I embraced him and he me. I tried to kiss him, but Dario turned away his head to avoid the contact of our lips.
"Would you like better to fuck me, sir, or that I fuck you?" he asked, caressing my rod now totally hard.
All his apparent shyness, now that we were alone and naked on my bed, had totally vanished.
"Let's do both ways, Dario, You first take me then I take you. Is that all right? But before that, wouldn't you like if we sucked each other for some time?"
"Forgive me, sir, if you like doing that to me, you are welcome, but I don't feel like taking it in my mouth. Fucking or being fucked is all right, I like both very much and do it always more than willinglyÉ"
"Good; how do you want to take me, then?"
"As you like."
"No, you will take me as you like best, then I will take you as I prefer, Dario."
"All right. Then go onto your knees here on the bed, spread your legs well then lean your chest against the mattressÉ yes, soÉ" he said.
He knelt between my legs, seized my hips and pierced me with only one strong push. He then started to vigorously ride me, making only his pelvis move back and forth and beating on me raising dull noises each time his groin hit against my buttocks. He threw himself into a strong gallop, rode me with evident gusto. He was skilled, was able to move inside me in a way that gave me a strong pleasure. After a rather long ride, he unloaded inside me, underlining each lunge and each jet with a vigorous moan.
He then pulled out of me with a pleased expression on his face, "You enjoyed it, didn't you? Now tell me what position I have to assume to give you pleasure."
I made him lie on his back, pushed his legs against his chest and took him in that position. While I was gradually sinking into him, he smiled me and when I started my slow but vigorous back and forth, he caressed my chest and belly with clear pleasure. I too took him for a long time and liked the pleased expression he had while receiving my vigorous pushes into him.
"Yes, you are good at it, sir." he said, "In spite of your gentle aspect, you are a real man, as I likeÉ"
When I too finally reached my pleasure inside him, we lay down for some minutes one in top of the other.
"Do you then like men so much, Dario?" I asked him.
"Yes, sure, but also women. I will soon marry the baker's daughter. But I never deny myself a handsome man as you are. Don't you like women?"
"No, I'm not interested in them. I never could have with a woman the pleasure I had with you, for instance. I am certain of that, even though I never tried."
"Each to his way." he said then added, "But now I have to go. If you like my fruits, you just have to tell me, sir, and I will be glad to let you have a tasteÉ as well as to taste your fruits again."
When Federico came back, I don't know how and from who, he came to know that I had the sensual Dario in my bed a couple of times.
"Why did you betray me with that boy, William? Am I not enough for you? You know that I love you, that I would be ready to do everything for you. Why cheat on me, then?"
"FedericoÉ I wouldn't want to make you unhappy, you don't deserve it. I feel really good with you, I feel affection towards you but honestlyÉ I can't say that I'm in love with you. It is not that you are not enough for me, I like very much how you make love with me and each time you are able to give me real satisfaction, and pleasure, and happiness, butÉ but I can't give up for you someÉ small adventures. You cannot ask that of meÉ"
"I understand I cannot ask it of you, as you are not in love with me. But I love you, and knowing that you are in the arms of another man grieves me. At leastÉ promise me that you will never do it when I am hereÉ I don't ask you anything moreÉ But being alone while knowing that you right in that moment can possibly have in your arms another man and not meÉ would really make me feel too bad. Can you promise me at least this?"
I reflected and thought that I could at least promise that, as I anyway was really fine with himÉ "Yes, all right, I promise you."
He kissed me and repeated, "I love you. Thank you. And who knows that possibly one day you too could fall in love with meÉ"
I don't know why, but I felt that that day would never come, and regretted it for him.
The following year I went to Florence for a week, guest of a friend of my father. I took advantage of this occasion to visit again that beautiful city. The second day I was in front of Palazzo Vecchio and admiring the statue by Michelangelo of the beautiful naked David, when a young man came near me. He had hanging at his shoulder all he needed to paint, he was a strolling painter as one can see many downtown.
"Sir, would you like me to paint your portrait? For a few coins and in a short time I can paint your portrait that you can then have nicely framed and hang in your roomsÉ I am quite skilled, do you know?"
"No, thank you, I don't want a portrait."
"Sir, I have to earn my dayÉ there are too many strolling painters here in Florence, and every day it becomes more difficult to scratch up a few coinsÉ Please, sir, you will see that you will be gladÉ"
"I told you no!" I answered, rather brusquely.
"Come on, don't be so surly. I can see you have a good heartÉ If you don't want a portrait, why don't you come to my studioÉ I have nice landscape paintings, still lifes, and also miniatures if you don't want to carry big paintings with you. I also have some beautiful nudes, of damsels or boys, both classic and from lifeÉ be kind. Come to see, it costs you nothingÉ"
All summed up the young man had a likeable, winning aspect; therefore I decided to follow him to his studio. It was really not a studio, but a basement getting light from a narrow window that outside was at the street level. The walls and the ceiling were of naked bricks, not refined. The narrow room was taken up in a big part by a low pallet with a curtain draped at its back, and the walls were covered with paintings amongst which, as he told me, were several nudesÉ
I lingered to look at the nude of a boy of the people, a street urchin, sitting spread legs on a stool and holding in his hands a rag as if he just took it off.
"Do you like this, sir? He is a boy living just behind here, his name is Tonio and he sat for me, in exchange for a dish of beansÉ I painted him from life, do you know?"
"He is a handsome boyÉ how old is he?"
"He is seventeen, he says. Even though from his body you would think he is younger, from what he has between his legs you would think he is older. And if you saw it when it's hard, sir! It's a real show."
"And youÉ do you enjoy that show often?" I cunningly asked him pointing with a finger towards the boy's penis in that portrait.
"Tonio always sits more than willingly for me, in exchange for a dish of food, also when I don't intend to paint himÉ" he answered me with a smile filled with allusions.
"And youÉ would you sit for me?" I then asked him.
"Do you want to use your brush, sir? AmongstÉ colleagues, we can reach an agreement. Would you like to have a sitting nowÉ having me as your model?"
"Yes, I would really like that."
He locked the door, quickly undressed and lay on his pallet, on his belly, looked at me with an inviting expression and said, "I am readyÉ If you want to dip your brush and start your masterworkÉ"
I undressed and he looked with a pleased expression to my rod, already erect.
"You have a really good brush, sir. Dip it well into my palette, so that you can nicely make the painting you have in mindÉ"
I went down onto him and took him. While I was tossing on top of him, he was licking and gently biting my fingers - I didn't know that even there one could feel such agreeable sensations. He was skilfully tossing under me, giving me an intense pleasure. He pushed his nice bottom upwards to meet my lunges, accompanying them with a low "aahh" just whispered but filled with erotic pleasure.
When I strongly pushed inside him, under me, filling him completely and unloading inside him with strong jets, he murmured, "YeeesssÉ you are a real artist!"
When we parted, I saw that he had flooded his pallet with his seed. He cleaned himself and we sat, still naked, on the edge of the pallet, to resume our breath after that vigorous mounting.
"I don't even know your nameÉ" I said, looking at his face on which was fluttering a satisfied expression.
"Sauro, at your service. I am twenty-eight years old, since I was twelve I have been a painter and since fourteenÉ I let myself be painted as you have done. Besides Tonio, few have been able to make me come without even touching me there. Yes, you are really skilled, sir. You are an Englishman, aren't you? Or am I wrong?"
"Yes, I am an Englishman. My name is William, and am one year younger than you. I never tried my hand to paint, but I like using myÉ brush in this wayÉ" I merrily answered him.
We dressed back.
"So, then, will you buy this painting of Tonio that struck you so much?"
"No, it is too big and I don't know where to hang it. Take this, I will pay for it but I will not take it away."
"No." he said with an almost offended expression, "I don't accept charity, sir, and even less, money forÉ for what we just did."
"I would like to give you something, but your paintings are all too cumbersome."
"I have also delightful miniatures, as I told you. Look hereÉ"
He showed me some small wooden tablets cut in the shape of lancet arch, opening like small triptychs. Outside they were decorated with floral patterns and inside, on a gold leaf background, there were scenes of two naked men enlaced in a sexual intercourse; on the side wings instead were represented two standing people, all dressed, who looked at them. I chose one where the two lovers were uniting standing up, and the two personages looking at them with clear lust, well expressed despite that they were miniatures, were two soldiers. It was really beautiful. He wrapped it in a piece of cloth and accepted my coins.
At the door he asked me if I would meet him again - he would have liked to "sit" again for meÉ I promised him I would, and during that week I went three more times to see him, so that when I went back to Bagni di Casciana, I had with me four diptych or triptych miniatures, one more beautiful than the other.
I gave one of them to FedericoÉ and he at once understood I had known, and had had sex, with Sauro, that he knew very well who he wasÉ and he seemed pained, although he tried not to show it.
During that year, it was 1678, even though I resolved not to do it several times, for the third time I tried it again with Sean.
We went together to Leghorn port, where I knew a ship would come with my brother Charles on board. But when we were there, I was informed that my brother had changed his mind and took a ship sailing directly to England, without passing through the Mediterranean Sea, and so shortening his journey. Somewhat disappointed, I decided to go with Sean to the shore to bathe, before going back to Bagni di Casciana.
We amused ourselves in the water like two little rogues, horsing around and swimming, splashing each other with the water and playing leapfrog on the beach. It was the first time that Sean and I had amused ourselves like two old friends, as if there were no social difference between us, and I was feeling happy.
We were lying on the fine gilded sand to dry in the sun, when I looked at his half naked bodyÉ A fine crown of hair adorned his nipples and a light tuft shone in the centre of his chest. Then the hairless and hollow belly, then the white cotton of his underpants, still wet, that showed perfectly the sweet shapes of his hidden jewelsÉ I felt my head whirl all of a sudden, and a very strong desire to embrace, to kiss, to make love with him seized me!
Without thinking, forgetting all my repeated resolutions, I lightly caressed the chest of my handsome servant.
I whispered to him, "If you just knew how much I desire you, SeanÉ"
He opened his eyes and looked at me. He laid a hand on mine, that was slowly gliding down his belly determined to go further down, and with gentle strength stopped it, although not moving it away.
His expression was kind, "WilliamÉ If I ever felt like doing it, one day, it would certainly be with you, I swear. I nourish a great affection for you, beside esteem and respect. But you know very well thatÉ that I cannotÉ Don't insist, I pray you."
"It is so difficult, SeanÉ You attract me too much; besides being so handsome, you areÉ you are so special to meÉ"
"Sir, I am married and I can't cheat on my wifeÉ I moreover know that I would not be able to give you what you would likeÉ IfÉ if for you it is so difficult to renounce what you desire of meÉ it would possibly be better if you totally renounced my servicesÉ"
"No! No, Sean, please, I don't want you to leave meÉ"
"And I will not leave you, sir. I grew to like you too much, believe me. But it is up to you to decide what you want me to do, knowing that I would never be able to meet your desires."
"Never?"
"Do you think that along all these years I didn't think about it? Do you think that with a light heart I sayÉ I repeat to you my no? Do you think that if I were able, I would not say to you a yes and with all my heart? But as much as you would ask me toÉ to fly, I will never be able to, even if I tried with all my means to fly for you, can you understand? I, and I regret it for you, I have no wings."
I withdrew my hand from his body and saw him relax, and so understood how tense, how embarrassed he had been for my touch.
"Forgive me, my good SeanÉ forgive me. I will try to behave in a respectful and honest way towards you, but I don't want to lose you."
"Even knowing that I cannot give you any hope?" he asked me.
"Yes, even knowing it. And if in future I would again miss my wordÉ make me stay in my place with the same goodness you did it up to now, I pray you."
"Don't doubt it, sir. And if I can dareÉ"
"Yes?"
"Don't worry over it too much. I understand that for you it has to be really difficult. I just hopeÉ I wish with all my heart, that you can one day find a lover worthy of you, who will love you as you deserve, and that you will love him so much to be able to forget the desire you feel towards me."
Moved, I took his hand and kissed it. Then I laid down again, waiting for the sun to dry our clothes.
1679 came and I celebrated my twenty-eighth year of age. My relationship with the young marquis Federico was going on, even though he was always in love with me but not I with him. That year several things happened.
I needed new shoes, therefore I went to Lari, a nearby village where I heard there was a skilled shoemaker. The craftsman asked one of his workers to take the shape of my feet and to let me choose the leather and the satin I liked to make the shoes I needed.
That worker was a nineteen year old boy, whose name was Alberto. He had jade eyes and hair that with soft black curls framed a face with delightful features; he had a shy but warm smile. While he was showing me the materials for the shoes, at a certain point my hand, testing the consistency of a beautiful golden satin, brushed against his hand. He looked at me surprised, but didn't withdraw his hand. I then, took advantage of the fact that in that moment we were alone in the shop, daringly squeezed it and looked in his eyes. Alberto blushed.
"Do you know that I like you very much, boy?" I whispered him.
"You flatter me, sirÉ" he answered, without escaping my grip.
"I want youÉ" I murmured.
"I would be honoured to please you, sir, butÉ You are just passing byÉ I wouldn't know howÉ"
"I will order the shoes and you will bring them to my house at Bagni di CascianaÉ and you will stay for enough time with me. Can't you do so?"
"It would be easy, sir. My master always sends me to make the deliveries."
"I will wait for you, thenÉ and will count the days!" I said letting go of his hand just in time before his master came back. I then said to the shoemaker, "For the moment you will make my shoes using this gilded satin. Can you deliver them to me by the end of the month?"
"Certainly yes, sir, I will have them delivered to your place."
"Then, if I am happy with them, I will also order from you other shoes made with this leatherÉ and possibly also riding bootsÉ"
"At your orders!" the shoemaker gladly answered.
So Alberto came to deliver the satin shoes to me. They were well built, comfortable and softÉ and also Alberto was really well built.
I lead him to my bed and took him in several positions. He liked also to kiss and to suck, and also to be sucked, but not to take. He was fresh and passionate, full of fire but also of tenderness. He was a natural, he didn't pose, but he reacted with full spontaneity to the pleasure I gave him, and gave me pleasure with full devotion. I liked him very much, therefore I gave him the order for leather shoes, so that he could come to deliver them to meÉ and to deliver himself to my pleasure.
He in fact came again and again I took him to my bedÉ This time the boy was even better than the first time, possibly because he was a little less shameful, possibly because he was starting to know how I liked to make love. He liked very much when I took him sitting and he sat on my lap making me impale him upwards from below, and he could meanwhile kiss me and tease my nipples as I did this to him, while he leaped on my lap enjoying my strong pole inside him, brushing his belly against mine.
But the third time, when Alberto came to deliver the riding boots to me, Federico came also. Uselessly my good Sean tried to stop himÉ Federico caught us, both naked, enlaced in full intercourse. He said nothing, he just went out of my house pretending a total indifference.
When I met him, feeling somewhat ashamed, he treated me coldly. He didn't recriminate, he didn't put up a row. He simply informed me that between us all was over, that he didn't want to see me any more, not even as a friend. After all I could understand him - even though I told him I was not in love with him, he still hoped to be able to conquer meÉ But finding me so, naked, engaged in intercourseÉ wounded him.
I asked myself what I could do; avoiding him in such a small village would have been anything but easy. On the other hand I didn't want to impose my presence on him, it would have been cruel on my side. So in the end I decided it was time to go back to England. After all, three years of "treatments" could well have healed me and give me back my strengthÉ I thus wrote to my father announcing to him that I was going back home and, having prepared my luggage and rented two coaches, I took the way back towards my home, with my good Sean and his family.
CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 11
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