Title: The Secret Marriage Pairing: Lance/Joey Author: Parlance and Jess, Copyright 2000. Email: Parlance at par_lance1@yahoo.com or Jess at fat1@fumanskeeto.com Web site: http://www.geocities.com/par_lance1 Feedback appreciated. This is Jess' first *Nsync fic - be gentle. Flames will be used to roast Tofu Pups(TM) Rating: PG-13 Classification: Songfic - damn silly songfic at that. HUMOR. Okay, a little schmoop. Archive: Please ask first.
Disclaimer: This story contains homosexual themes and pokes gentle fun at the guys. If either idea offends you, or you're not old enough to be reading it in your jurisdiction, go no further.
This is fiction. I know nuthin' 'bout nobody. I especially don't presume to know nor care about the sexual preferences of *Nsync, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and I certainly don't know Lance Bass' mom.
Don't worry - Lance doesn't have breasts this time.
Author's Note: Gay marriages, per se, aren't legal in Vermont. They're called civil unions, but they extend the same rights, protections, benefits and obligations available to non-gay couples through marriage (thanks to "Hero" magazine's "Gay Men's Wedding Guide" for this information).
A shout out to Joeyfull, Karen and Jackie B. for beta'ing. YO, BROOKLYN! Dedicated to Sting and Atlantic Starr, with apologies.
I fudged the chorus to "Secret Lovers" a bit.
No earthly church has ever blessed our union No state has ever granted us permission
It was a bright Saturday in July. The weather was perfect - warm, sunny, not a cloud in the Vermont sky.
Joey's big day. Who knew? When a fan had asked Justin during a Yahoo! chat which member he thought would get married first, he remembered typing, "Definitely not Joey. It definitely won't be Joey." He wasn't the only one who was surprised.
Justin sat in a La-Z-Boy in the dark wood-paneled living room within the house that a friend of Joey's had provided for the ceremony. Bedazzler(TM) in hand, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed in an endearing pout, Justin decorated the pillow that would bear the rings for the couple of the hour.
Justin wore a white scarf over his blonde Afro. He had already bedazzled it with red rhinestones. As he punched more red gems into the white pillow on his lap, he squirmed in the white tux Joey had bought for all the men in the wedding party. Justin hoped he wouldn't get his suit all sweaty before the wedding started. He had never been a ring bearer before. And these were his best friends. Everything had to be perfect.
"Gotta be perfect," he mumbled the words like a mantra. "Walk slowly, hold out the pillow. Make sure the rings are in the center. Where are the rings?!" Justin frantically reached into his pocket - both rings were still there. He sighed with relief. Performing as the human beat box before millions of fans never made him this nervous.
"Man, Joey's the last one I thought would get married," Justin said a little too loudly. His band mate, Chris, overheard him in a bedroom nearby where he and Joey had set up camp. Joey wore black. The highlights in his hair matched the red cummerbund around his waist.
"Yeah, Joe. Never thought I'd live to see the day you'd settle down. Shouda known when you started with that weird obsession with 'Ellen,'" Chris told his friend as the two men sipped cans of Bud. Chris checked his watch. "How long is he gonna take? We're already running late."
In another bedroom a few feet away, the bride in question sat in the boudoir while his maid of honor fussed with his hair.
"Almost finished, Poofoo," JC told his friend as he teased Lance's blonde spikes to perfection.
"Thank you, JC. I don't know what I would have done without you. I'm so giddy I can't even hold the brush."
"Don't mention it, Lance."
"I'm sad we have to keep this secret from the fans. Joey and I wanted them to be a part of it," Lance said mournfully.
"Hon, just be glad you can do this in a state where partnerships are legal, and don't worry about outsiders."
Lance nodded and changed the subject. "I just wish Justin would finally pop the question to you."
JC sighed dramatically as he put down the brush. "Juju's so afraid of commitment. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride - that's me."
Lance clicked his tongue. "It's too bad. We could have been married at the same time."
JC resumed coifing Lance's hair. "Never mind. It's your day. I was never partial to double ceremonies anyway. Stand up. Let's see what we have."
Lance stood and brushed out the wrinkles in his tuxedo. He was a vision in candy-apple red, his favorite color.
"Oh, Lance!" JC cried as he clasped his hands. "You are a blushing bride!" JC wore a white tux like the other men in the wedding party, but he sported a red cummerbund and bow tie to match Lance's tux.
JC handed Lance a bottle of Aramis, which Lance dabbed behind his ears, on his wrists and between his pecs. It was his and Joey's special scent.
No family bond has ever made us two No company has ever earned commission
In the other bedroom, Joey told Chris, "It was love at first sight with Lance. When he first walked into that audition five years ago, I thought, 'What a hot piece of ass.' And then I realized he wasn't a girl. And then I realized my opinion hadn't changed. He's still a hot piece of ass."
Chris nodded. "That's really romantic, Joey."
"That's true love, bro." Joey stood and sprayed the immediate area with Aramis and walked into the fine mist. He gulped the last of his beer and said, "I just don't know if I'm good enough for him, Chris."
Chris stood and faced his friend and patted him on the shoulder. "It'll be fine. You just be good to him. Treat him right so I don't have to send my homeys after you." The two men ended their conversation with the standard Ultra Masculine One-Armed Hug.
Meanwhile, a tearful Diane Bass walked around the house in a daze, having surveyed the wedding decorations in the backyard. Justin stopped bedazzling the hell out of his pillow long enough to notice her tears. He stood up and patted the chair.
"Mrs. B, sit down. What's wrong?"
But Diane could not speak. As she sat, she extracted a handkerchief from her breast pocket and blew loudly.
Justin put his arm around Lance's mother and tried to console her.
"Don't be sad. You're not losing a son. You're gaining another."
Diane quieted her sobbing. "I'm not crying because Lance is getting married, you nitwit. I'm crying because I just found out that Lance is gay!" She choked back another sob. "I kept hearing it was a wedding and it had to be kept secret. And I saw Britney outside and I thought you were marrying her!"
Justin threw a sidelong glance towards the bedroom where the giggling JC and Lance were getting ready. "Rest assured it'll never be Britney," he muttered.
"What was that?"
"Uh, we gotta go take our places, Mrs. B. Can't keep everyone waiting."
No debt was paid no dowry to be granted No treaty over border land or power
After Justin led Lance's mother out of the house, Joey called out, "All right, you two. It's past time. I'm coming over." He walked out of the bedroom and towards Lance and JC. All he heard was JC's yelp and the scurrying of feet before their door was slammed in his face.
"You can't see him yet! It's bad luck!"
"Hurry it up then. This ain't no coronation, it's a commitment ceremony." Joey turned to enter the backyard, with Chris at his heels, still nursing his beer.
"Almost done!" JC called out. He turned to Lance. "Now, you need something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue."
"Joey and I got tattoos last night to celebrate our commitment."
JC shuddered. He had a legendary fear of tattoos. "Can I see it? Where is it?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Lance gave his friend a sly glance.
"Perhaps not. Something old?"
"Mom gave Britney this bracelet when she thought she was the one getting married."
"Okay, something borrowed and blue. Hold out your leg and roll up your pants."
"Huh?!"
"Just do it." JC rolled a baby blue garter onto Lance's outstretched leg.
"Where the hell did you get that?" Lance demanded as he leaned on JC's shoulder for support.
"Don't worry about it. Now you're covered." JC straightened Lance's pant leg. "Don't forget your bouquet."
Lance picked up his bouquet of red and white roses and posed before his friend.
"You're beautiful." JC sighed. "You look like... like... a big old candy cane."
Lance held out a crown of baby's breath. "Should I put this on?"
JC considered carefully. "Mmmm. Might be a bit much.
It could clash with the red, and we want to keep this tasteful."
Concluded in Part Two Feedback always appreciated!
No semblance of the world outside remained To stain the beauty of this nuptial hour
Outside, the backyard was beautifully decorated in red and white flowers. The old New England-style house was located just off Lake Champlain, bringing a gentle breeze and the soothing sound of waves crashing off the beach. The ceremony was intimate - only a few friends and family who could be trusted to keep the secret had been invited. They sat on white folding chairs with linen slipcovers. Each guest was given a satchel of red rose petals to toss as the wedding couple walked down the aisle. Martha Stewart would have been proud.
JC indicated to the organist that Lance was ready and "The Wedding March" was played. Justin walked slowly, never looking up from the ground, as he mumbled, "Right. Together. Left. Together. Right. Together..." He was relieved when he finally reached the gazebo. He stood to the right, next to Joey's brother, Steve, who carried a small camcorder in his hand. JC and Danielle, Chris' girlfriend, followed Justin in the procession and took their places.
Joey held his head high as he strutted down the aisle.
His smile could not have been brighter. Finally, Lance walked down the aisle, his arm linked to that of his wailing mother, who had reluctantly agreed to give him away. Joey caught his breath as he took in the sight of his candy-apple bride.
To her horror, Diane spotted more than a few gay couples in the audience. But it was the sight of Brittany Spears holding hands with Christina Aguilera that finally caused her to faint. Lance stopped to tend to his mother, but Chris shooed him down the aisle and dragged Diane's limp body to the nearest seat. Lance, distressed, continued until he reached the gazebo. But his fears melted as Joey took his arm in his.
"Don't worry, she'll get over it," a reassuring voice told him.
Lance looked up at Reverend John Waters, who had been ordained years ago by mail through the Universal Life Church. When a mutual friend told the filmmaker that two members of *Nsync wanted him to preside over the ceremony, he jumped at the chance and asked if he could film the festivities for his private collection.
Reverend Waters' pencil-thin moustache twitched as he smiled. "Family and friends, we are gathered here today to witness the union of two people in love. If there's anyone who objects to the joining of these two, please speak now or forever hold your peace." Luckily, Diane Bass was out cold.
Reverend Waters asked Justin to produce the rings. Justin jumped and almost dropped the pillow. He rushed to the minister's side and held it out. The Reverend bent to retrieve the wedding bands from the ornately jeweled pillow, but could not find them. Lance and Joey reached forward and felt around for the rings, with no luck.
"Did you forget the rings, Justin?!" Chris demanded impatiently as he abandoned Diane's unconscious form and went to help find the rings.
"No, I swear! They're here, in the middle... somewhere."
Everyone in the wedding party took turns fishing for the two rings among the multitude of rhinestones.
"I think I see something sparkling," Danielle commented.
"That would be the entire pillow," Chris responded.
JC finally took charge, grabbing the pillow and shaking it until the rings fell on the ground.
"Only Justin could make a dangerous weapon out of a Bedazzler," Joey muttered as Justin offered his profuse apologies.
Joey and Lance slid wedding bands on each others' fingers and told each other, "With this ring, I commit to you. Take it and wear it as a symbol of all we have shared and will share."
Joey had arranged something extra for Lance after declaring their vows. Joey cupped his lover's face in his hand and sang, a cappella, "The Secret Marriage" by Sting:
No flowers on the altar No white veil in your hair No maiden dress to alter No bible oath to swear
As Joey continued the song, the other members of *Nsync were so overcome with emotion that they joined in with the harmony on the chorus:
The secret marriage vow is never spoken The secret marriage can never be broken
Tears streamed down Lance's face. There wasn't a dry eye among the wedding guests.
The Reverend cleared his throat. "By the power of God invested in me in the state of Vermont, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride, Joey."
Joey brusquely pulled Lance towards him, forgetting about the bouquet of roses Lance held in his hands. They separated just long enough make sure the thorns hadn't broken the skin and again embraced for a long, passionate kiss.
Diane Bass came to in just enough time to catch the sight of her son virtually vacuuming his new husband's lips with his tongue and ran howling into the house.
Lance and Joey then turned around and jumped over a broom Justin had provided for the ceremony. Justin had insisted on including this tradition in the ceremony because he had read somewhere that Black people used to do it all the time when they got married, so it must be cool.
After the ceremony, Lance and Joey took their places in the receiving line as their guests oohed and ahhed at the beautiful ceremony and Lance's colorful attire, and congratulated Joey on his "catch." Britney and Christina approached the couple:
"Where are you two newlyweds going for your honeymoon, Lance?" Christina asked.
Lance and Joey turned to each other and smiled. "We're going to stay in Vermont for a few days. There's a bicycle tour that'll take us through the backwoods. There's a folk art and glass blowing festival we want to see. And Joey's letting us take a detour to the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory..."
"...And then hit the Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream tour..."
"And then we'll finish with a week in Provincetown, Massachusetts. We've never spent this much time in the New England countryside, so getting married here seemed to be the perfect excuse." Lance winked at Christina and Britney. "So, when's your time gonna be, girls?"
Christina and Britney regarded each other and squeezed each other's hands. "I don't know, Lance," Britney began. "You two are certainly an inspiration. If we can get our wedding to go down without a hitch like yours..."
"... and without the media circus," Christina added.
"...could be soon. You'll definitely be on the guest list."
Once he had received the guests, Lance turned his back towards them, closed his eyes, and threw the bouquet towards the various hopefuls. After much elbowing and cursing (Danielle ended up with quite a shiner after making the mistake of stepping in front of Britney), the bouquet dropped into the lap of an unsuspecting lap. He turned sheet white as JC squealed and clapped his hands, jumping up and down and kissing his dumbfounded boyfriend.
Lance and Joey had chosen Atlantic Starr's "Secret Lovers" for their first dance. Joey placed his hand on Lance's hip and took Lance's hand in his. Lance rested his head on Joey's shoulder as they danced.
Here we are the two of us together Taking this crazy chance to be all alone we both know that we should not be together, cause if they found out it could mess up, both our happy homes.
Britney and Christina followed the wedding couple onto the lawn to dance. As others joined in the dance, Chris held Danielle gingerly as she nursed her black eye with an ice pack.
JC stood over the mute Justin with his hands on his hips. "Time to face the music, boyfriend." Grinning from ear to ear, he led the mute Justin to the dance floor as the latter still clutched the bouquet of roses.
Diane finally recovered and rejoined the party in the backyard. Reverend John Waters approached her and extended his hand:
"Excuse me madam. May I please have this dance?"
Diane's face melted into a smile as she stood and accepted the debonair Reverend's hand. "Of course. Thank you." Finally a straight man, she thought, as she slow danced with the director of "Polyester."
Lance looked over at his mother and was relieved to see that the Reverend had been right all along. He turned to the love of his life and sang the chorus softly:
Secret lovers, that's what we are, trying so hard to hide the way we feel, 'cause we answer to someone else, but we can't let it go 'cause what we feel is oh so real
so real... so real.... so real.... so real
FINIS
Feedback always appreciated!
===== "Yea, verily, this sucks." - Christopher in "Idle Pleasures"
Parlance's *NSYNC Fan Fiction: http://www.geocities.com/par_lance1
"Katie Couric is hot." - Lance Bass, *NSYNC