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Bush Tucker -*- Copyright 2002 by Ellen Hayes.
Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes.
This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading this. I am not responsible. Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish, state, and country.
All rights reserved. See the bottom for distribution rights.
Bush Tucker
*** 18:19 2 Aug
"FOOD!" I called as I opened the door, and people appeared to relieve me of bags. "More coming!" I called over my shoulder as I went to get the rest. There was far too much for just two of us to carry in one load.
*** 18:40 2 Aug
"And no dishes," I chortled at Brian, and we high-fived each other.
*** 19:04 2 Aug
We stood around and rested for a minute or so after lugging everything up from the basement. "What are we doing again?" Amy asked, just to be annoying I was sure.
"Injection, inspection, deee-tection, infection, neee-glection and seeeeee-lection!" grinned Dad.
"Go pick up the garbage!" Brian and I yelled at the same time.
From the looks we were getting, except from Mike, this seemed to be another one of those family traditions that didn't make sense to outsiders.
*** 19:06 2 Aug
"Not that hard," Dad said, over Arlo Guthrie. Protests had been in vain. So had concerted begging and pleading. So had a minor attempted bribe. Dad was an asshole and in control of the stereo.
He continued, "Just going through the inventory checklist and making sure nobody liberated anything." Me and Brian protested vehemently since we were the ones who usually got accused of 'liberating' things, but Dad motioned us to silence. "And as a reminder, anyone who wants to take home a souvenir, or finds a piece of gear that is particularly to their liking, let me know, and we'll buy it for you, later. We NEED this stuff in these packs when we're out hiking. We will also be doing another inventory the day we come back."
I involuntarily groaned, because doing inventory and repair when we got back was usually the worst torture of all.
*** 19:38 2 Aug
All four of our compasses, me Amy Mike and Dan's, still glowed in the dark without any help, I could tell when my eyes adjusted a bit to the closet. "Okay, open- Oh, ha ha ha, open the bloody door already."
*** 19:40 2 Aug
"Right, goggles?" I looked and found mine, and looked up and all three had theirs in their hands too. "Defogger," was next, and I took the bottle and dribbled some in mine and handed the bottle to Amy.
The checklist had a lot of items, but they each went relatively fast if you knew what you were doing.
*** 20:18 2 Aug
"Morphine?" repeated Tim, like he couldn't believe it.
"And, Brian, what happens if anyone uses it for fun?" Dad said.
Brian sighed, then recited, "My sibs get to play with you for long enough to show you why you shouldn't have used up the morphine."
I caught Tim's eye and flicked a knife in and out of its sheath to show him what 'play' would mean in practice. I think he got the hint, from the way his eyes got huge.
*** 21:01 2 Aug
The problem with having done this many times before AND having two new people coming along, was that Dad had to go through everything slowly, twice, with them, whereas those of us who had done this before zipped through the checklists and loadouts much quicker, including the optional items and personal stuff like my drugs or my 'special project' or Amy's books or Mike's idea too, and then we were left with nothing to do, but a sense we should hang around. Besides, I still had a couple of things I had to do and couldn't do until the kids left. So we were bored.
Which is why Mike and Dan and Amy and I were dorking around with the climbing stuff and the pulleys mounted in the garage, finding where our center of gravity was when we were loaded without packs. This involved two pulleys and rope out of a pack (mine, just to keep things simple) and a climbing harness, and two of us hauling on a rope to lift a third as the fourth made calculations and shifted weights around.
Then, of course, once you had a balance point for face-up, you had to do one for face-down.
Like I think I mentioned, we were bored.
*** 21:27 2 Aug
Mike swung at me with his pugil stick, and I twisted a bit and took it on the pack. "Sucker," I sneered, and lunged at his face, dodging which pushed him off balance, and then I feinted at him twice and then hit him in the crotch, which bounced off the athletic cup but knocked him on his ass. My next stab hit him in the face, which meant he was a dead gook.
He flopped to the side and sighed. "I hate you," he said.
"But WE love YOU," Amy said, and before I could raise my own stick and block, she'd jabbed at my head and connected hard enough that the blow and my reaction made ME fall over.
"Don't love me again," I sighed, "it gives me a headache."
"Loser," Amy taunted.
I swiped at her knees from one side as Mike twisted and slammed her in the tits with his stick, and then she was on the ground with the two of us except she was making sort of I'd-scream-if-I-could-breathe noises.
"Who's a loser?" Mike asked rhetorically.
*** 22:46 2 Aug
I looked up from my vivisection of a perfectly innocent Computer Shopper at the sounds of leave-taking, and it was indeed the kids leaving, to get a couple of hours of nightmare-ridden sleep in between their worried tossing and turning, before-
"Man, I gotta go to bed soon," I told myself as I shook my head. "I'm starting to wig out."
"Starting?" Mike asked. "'NIGHT GUYS!" he yelled as he waved.
"Shut up, Mike," I suggested.
*** 23:09 2 Aug
I checked and made sure I had a snapper in the chamber before recocking and reholstering the pistol. I turned around twice and jumped up and down, to settle things, and then tried a 'steady' draw, not finding any snags or hangups, and aimed and fired at the wall.
Click.
I checked again, and then recocked and reholstered the pistol, before I jumped up and down a couple of times and then dropped to the floor. That didn't hurt too bad, with the pads on. I rolled to the left, clearing my right hand, and pulled the pistol and rolled back and aimed it at the wall and pulled the trigger.
Click.
This part wasn't exciting either. But, it did have to wait until Brian's friends left.
*** 23:24 2 Aug
"G'night Dad," I said, and hugged him.
"'Night kid," he said as he hugged me back, and then he let go and spun and dropped down and drew and fired at the wall of his office. Click.
"Don't just stay up and shoot the office wall all night," I told him, just to be mildly annoying, and he chuckled as he stood back up.
*** 23:38 2 Aug
"I can't believe you actually want to do this," Susan said as she brushed her hair at me. "For an entire week."
I spat and admitted, "It's kind of fun, sometimes. You sure you don't want to go? I could stay home if you really wanted to go." It wasn't that fun.
"I'll go in December in New York, remember?" she reminded me as I began rinsing my teeth. "And I really do want to stay at the station as long as I can, so I'll look good." She was really pushing this intern thing. "Productive, eager, good employee material, you know?"
I nodded before I started flossing.
*** 23:50 2 Aug
I made one last check, and everything was right where it was supposed to be; piled up like a fireman's gear so I could plop down on a seat and get into it as soon as I changed underwear. Nice and tidy.
I snuggled against Amy, like I was going to be doing a lot of at night. Luckily, I liked it. Even more luckily, she still liked me.
*** 05:44 3 Aug
"Well, hell," I said, finding that I was already awake. "Hey, Amy, wake up."
"Nggh?"
"Come on, wake up..."
"Whyyyyyy?" she whined.
"I have an id-" I started, but someone else had been faster with the same idea - I guess it was a tradition - because the fire alarms went off, which scared Amy completely instantly awake, and the intercom babbled in its urgent computerized voice, "FIRE DRILL FIRE DRILL!"
I fell into the clothes I'd worn last night, made sure Amy was dressed, grabbed my mask, made sure Amy had hers, put the dummy filters (marked in red; no need to use a real one for an announced drill) in both, helped Amy put her mask on, put my mask on, and then I tested the doorknob. No one had tried heating it with a butane micro-torch this time, like Dad and me had done on occasion, so we opened the door and went down the hall and down the stairs. Susan was waiting outside, waving us on - not a smart thing for her to be doing, since it was usually the first one out that had set it off - while Mom and Brian were glaring at her from inside their own masks. That made me certain who'd pulled the alarm, as if I needed to guess. Mike and Dan and Dad followed us out in about ten seconds. We all made our way to the front curb, then Dad dropped his stuff and raced back into the house to turn off the alarms, hopefully before the neighbors complained.
"Susan Bridget Tucker, I am going to kill you," Mom mumbled as she pulled the mask off her face.
"Good morning to you too, Mom!" Susan smiled.
"What?" Dan complained, not awake yet either.
*** 06:04 3 Aug
I was rubbing Mom's shoulders when Brian came back down. "Shower's open," he said, and we traded places.
*** 06:09 3 Aug
"Tuck, why are you shaving your legs?" Amy asked.
"'Cause we're going camping, which means no showers for a week, which means I want to get as much hair off as possible so it won't bother me later on." Short leg hair, I'd found, bothered me a lot more than long leg hair had, back when I had some. At least when it was on me. But to get from 'none' to 'long', it HAD to go through 'short' ...
Amy considered this.
"Want the razor when I'm done?" I asked, and she nodded.
*** 06:17 3 Aug
You just wanted to stay in the hot water forever, since it was the last hot water we'd get to shower in for a long time, but it had started to cool down, so I sighed and tapped Amy on the shoulder. "I think we need to get going," I sighed again.
She sighed back, and turned off the water.
*** 06:21 3 Aug
It was almost ritualistic, the way we got dressed; on the other hand, there was a lot of stuff to do, and a particular order that worked well. Underwear and T shirt or tank top, athletic cup just in case, put the harness on but don't buckle it down yet. Normally I'd attach a clip to the sleeve of my T shirt to keep the PTT/Morse wire under control at this point, but this time I dropped the bundle through the sleeve of an elbow pad and slid that on and adjusted it. Then the ring PTT switch on the finger, then the throat mike that looked like a black choker, and the earphones. I put on the other elbow pad at this point so I wouldn't forget it. Sock set next, then pull the pants out of the sealed bag and try not to choke on the odor of tick repellent they'd been dipped in before storage, add the belt Brian had made during his 'Love Me Knot' phase, and then load up the pants with half a ton of gear....
*** 06:24 3 Aug
"You look MAHvelous," I quoted Billy Crystal to Amy.
"AbsoLUTEly ab fab, deah," Amy gestured flamboyantly back, grinning broadly and holding her new beret on with one hand.
What we actually looked like was a bunch of guerrilla bandits, ready for a hard day of looting tourists or popping off mortars and RPG's at government airbases. But we did look like PROSPEROUS bandits, which was the positive side of it.
*** 06:26 3 Aug
"And you just shower together?" Dan complained.
"Dan, shut up, have some more coffee," I suggested.
"I wan' food," he mumbled, irritatedly. I didn't know how he could think about eating with the permethrin smell we were all emitting, but that's apparently what was on his mind.
*** 06:34 3 Aug
"Tell me again how I got designated cook?" I complained as I dumped another load of eggs onto another plate.
"You cook too good!" Dad announced.
"'Well'," Mom corrected, "he cooks too WELL."
"Thanks a lot!" I called, just to remind them of who they were talking about.
"Stop yakkin' and get back to work!" Brian called back.
Mike and Dan called, "YEAH!" in agreement.
"Traitorous bastards," I mumbled way under my breath as I cracked eggs for a minute, then turned to the cheese grater. "I am NOT cleaning up after this," I announced, just in case.
*** 06:55 3 Aug
Doctor Treble was waving at us from the shotgun seat as her husband drove up in their big Suburban-thing. My watch beeped right after he stopped his engine.
"You gonna turn that off?" Amy asked as I did so.
*** 06:58 3 Aug
Amazingly, a car pulled up and disgorged the two kids Brian was bringing along, just in time. As opposed to, say, two hours late, which is why Mike and Dan had slept over last night. I guess telling them we'd leave without them had worked. Before we actually left, I mean.
*** 07:01 3 Aug
"Two, three pounds," I told Amy as I stepped off the scales and Doc Treble wrote carefully. "Something like that."
"Jeez," Amy commented, sounding impressed. "I could stand to lose that!"
"Tuck loses weight, I stay about even," Mike said. "It kinda varies."
"He eats like a pig, though," I explained, dodging Mike's hand, "and he has to carry more food because of it."
As Amy got on the scale, Mike and I looked. "Amy," Mike said before I could, "you do NOT need to lose weight."
"You're fine," agreed the Doc.
"Just a couple," Amy debated.
*** 07:05 3 Aug
Dad finished with the last of the individual mug shots, then motioned us all into a group photo pose. We waited while Dad set it up then rushed over. Flash!
"Oooh," I moaned as I went blind again. I'd just started being able to see again after my 'personal' shots. "I hate that." Flash! went the second shot.
By the time I could see again, Dad had unloaded the camera and handed the film to Mom. So, now, someone had a record of what we'd looked like BEFORE we lost the football scrimmage against the bears.
*** 07:08 3 Aug
"Fingerprints?" Dave asked, like we were kidding.
"So we can identify which arm is yours if we get caught in a rockslide and ripped to pieces," I told him, and smiled, then I grabbed his right hand and inked his index finger, then rolled it over the right spot on the DD-1833.
"Or mugged by bears," Mike added as he started on Tim.
"How come you don't have to do it?" he complained as I repeatedly grabbed and inked and rolled.
"Because I live here, so he's already got fingerprints on me and Mike and Amy," I told him.
"It's sorta like living in the Big House," Mike said solemnly, like he had any clue at all outside books.
"Or a P.O.W. camp," Amy sighed.
"Or Hell," Dad mentioned, coming up. "A lot like Hell."
*** 10:02 3 Aug
Amy nudged me awake, and I looked around to find we were pulling into the park.
And my bladder nudged me to remind me that it was time to go to the bathroom again. "Oooh, hurry," I moaned.
*** 10:19 3 Aug
Prepositioning the cars for when we got back was a pain, but not as much of a pain as it would be hiking an extra five or ten miles, one way or another. Dad and Mike and Dana were finally coming back, though, which meant we might as well start getting loaded up.
*** 10:28 3 Aug
"Ready?" Dad asked as we finished stretching, and I finished the last of my soda - my last soda - and pitched the can into the trash barrel before I stood back up.
There were motions all around me, of people - our people - getting ready to go off into the woods and leave most of civilization behind. We smelled of DEET and sweat already, the first day's worth that hadn't started to rot yet.
This would be a good time for a picture, I realized, instants before I remembered I had a camera and a mission to use it, so I leaned my staff against my shoulder and dug the camera out.
*** 11:00 3 Aug
Dad, ahead of us, stopped and held up his open hand, and I stopped and did the same thing. My group stopped with hardly any sound, slowly lowering towards the ground, and we waited to find out what was up.
Over the radio came the short explanation, "First gear and boot check, over."
I stood all the way back up and moved back and forth in my 'sneaks', but they were okay, without hot spots or anything yet, and jumping up and down almost silently said that nothing was loose yet. So I carefully squatted down near Amy, flipping the med-pack on my butt out of the way, and waited. "You okay?" I confirmed quietly.
"Yeah," she said eventually, like she wasn't quite sure.
"Amy, don't mess with it," I reminded her, "we got all week."
She sighed, then nodded. I stood up again and went behind her and pulled the tarp out and spread it on the ground, as she unlatched and unloaded her pack from her hips and shoulders, setting it on the tarp just as I got it spread out, sat herself down, and started pulling a boot off. I looked behind us, and Mike had already done the same thing and was cutting up some skin for his foot.
I transmitted, "Two-two, two-three, with boot check, over," then started drinking. Just walking in the summer air sucked water out of you, not even counting the eighty pounds or so of gear I was carrying.
*** 11:04 3 Aug
"Done?" I asked Amy and Mike, and they both nodded. I pressed the transmit switch and said, "Team two ready, over."
"Team one ready, team three ready, over," Dad said, and he stood up and lifted both hands.
"Off we goooo, into the wild brrrown yon-der," Mike chanted softly, which made us chuckle.
*** 13:09 3 Aug
It was starting to get really hot, even though we were going pretty slow and easy, and I was just about to ask Dad what he thought about taking the afternoon break now, when he announced over the radio that we'd be taking the afternoon break now.
"Wahoo," Amy said.
"We're having lunch too," Dad reminded me, and I sighed.
"Food!" Mike and Dan agreed in chorus.
"You guys," Amy commented, with the 'are pigs' completely understood by all parties, judging by the way Mike and seconds later Dan pushed their noses up.
*** 13:15 3 Aug
We had five burners total, with ten people, and this particular meal we were going to use them all since one of the things we had to eat and get rid of was a bunch of fresh, ice-packed, wasn't-going-to-keep stuff. A big multi-ingredient salad plus dressing and croutons, a fresh veggie stew, green beans and potatoes, and Jim's traditional fried pork chops were gonna fill us up until about eight o'clock, if not later. If it hadn't been for the pork chops, we could have done with two stoves, but Jim or Dana did wicked things to them, marinade and spices and things, and the smell had a tendency to make everyone crazy with food-lust, and so the faster we could cook them, the better.
Mike and Dan, Dad and Jim, and Brian and his bud Dave, took off as perimeter guard teams, and to get away from the insane-making smell of pork chops. I, being slotted into a cook's position, had to stay and avoid drooling on everyone else's food.
*** 15:08 3 Aug
I had a mug of the last bit of the veggie stew, which I took away with me for my bit at guard, as the rest of them cleaned up. Heh. That was the nice thing about being a cook; no cleanup except for personal mess gear. And Dana was supervising, too, meaning it wasn't me.
The terrible thing about being a cook, I remembered as I walked, was that while everyone else was bustling around after a good dinner, or passing out, you often had to go out and sit in one place and stay awake after eating like we just had. Urgh.
But at least I didn't have to clean up.
I tapped Amy on the shoulder, and waved a plug at her, so we could set up the two-node intercom system if she wanted to talk with me. She nodded and gave me a look like 'Well DUH!', and so I plugged one end into her radio and set her TX switch to ICOM, and unrolled the wire as I walked out to a decent spot for my LP, which included sunlight for the solar cells, and plugged the other end of the wire into my radio and switched that. "Amy?"
"Hi!" she chirped. "Are you having fun?"
"It's okay so far," I said cautiously.
"You're having fun," she decided.
*** 16:03 3 Aug
"Hey," Amy commented, "Mike's here, I think he's trading spots with me! I can take a nap!"
"Cool!" She'd been drooping. "See ya later."
"Love you," she said, and the click told me she'd disconnected without waiting for an answer.
I waited. There were some things moving and making noise, but none of them seemed human, at least not in my sectors. I could vaguely hear something behind me, but that was probably Mike or Amy, and they were paying attention in that direction anyway. Supposedly.
Click. "Did she say what I think I heard her say?" Mike said into my earphones.
I sighed. "Mike, she's just weird that way."
"Tuck-"
"She's said she loves you too, you know," I reminded him.
"Don't remind me," he sighed.
*** 17:01 3 Aug
"Hey, OP's," Dad said over the radio, "come back and get ready, we're gonna move out in about half." An hour, he didn't need to add. "Over."
"Three in," Brian said.
"Two in," I transmitted, and popped out the intercom wire. I reeled it up as I came back to Mike, who was standing and already, or still, packed. He handed me the other end of the intercom wire, and I finished coiling it up and handed it to him and knelt down so he could put the bundle in my pack. He helped me back up when he was finished, we set our TX switches to PTT, checking each other, and then we headed back to the laager.
*** 17:04 3 Aug
Doc Treble had this delirious smile on her face when she wasn't talking, and I finally had to find out why. I removed my pack by the cleaning area and set it down next to hers. "Why are you smiling like that?" I asked her as I bent down to scrub out my mug.
"Because," she breathed. "No phones, no nurses, no patients, no relatives, no faxes, no pages, no nothing. Just me and Jim. And you guys."
She looked sort of like she was having a slow orgasm, so I guessed she really needed the time away from the office. "Glad you're liking it. How was lunch?"
She hugged me in reply. She REALLY needed the time away from the office, I realized.
*** 17:27 3 Aug
I hoisted up my pack and swung into it before I lost strength. As I buckled and tightened the hip strap, I looked around for Mike, and Dan, and Amy. They were all apparently waiting for me, so I motioned to the trail and us, and they all nodded. I keyed the transmitter and said, "Two, moving, out."
"Roger," Dad said. "Teams one and three, five behind," he guessed. I bet it would take longer, but whatever. "Six clear."
I caught up with Mike, who signed to me, and I nodded, then pointed at myself and held up one finger, for 'first'. He nodded back, and I gathered Amy in and we started off.
*** 18:38 3 Aug
I didn't know if it was just because it was Sunday, or what, but besides us there was no evidence of humans on the trail at all. It was kind of weird that way.
But nice.
*** 20:21 3 Aug
"DEEEET," went the radio. Then it started tweeping in Morse code, and it turned out to be Dad telling me to go look for a campsite. That meant, in particular, an area off in the woods that wasn't observable from the trail or roads, since we weren't supposed to make our own sites but we were going to.
I motioned to my team to close in, and they all did, facing outward as we lowered ourselves to the ground. I tapped back at Dad, 'Hot bunk Q' and he replied 'No'. Great! I hated hot-bunking in sleeping bags. No, I hated hot bunking. I whispered what we had to do, and me and Amy arranged ourselves around the path as Dan and Mike went to look for a good place.
*** 20:38 3 Aug
'Found spot,' Mike tapped, and then he gave a grid reference. Dad bent over, shined a red LED on his map to find the reference, then got up, motioned to the two kids to go with him into the woods, and off they went.
The rest of us sat around and listened to the quiet, I guess. At least, that's what I was doing, and no one was talking.
*** 20:45 3 Aug
"DEEEET," went the radio, and I looked back, and saw Dad coming back through the trees. 'Good site and no nettles,' Dad tapped, and so we got up. He also tapped out 'Tuck can you get water Q,' which made me want to cry, since I was going to have to go get it and hike it back. Water, after a day of hiking, weighed only slightly less than the same volume of steel or lead, I'd come to realize. Not quite as heavy as osmium, but close.
'Yes,' I tapped out with a slight whimper.
"What?" Amy asked.
"You and me get water," I sighed.
"Oh no," she sighed back.
*** 21:02 3 Aug
The hard part was getting back up after attaching ten liters of water to my pack harness, in addition to the four liters I'd filled my canteens with, but since I was relatively balanced fore-and-aft now, it was a little easier. A LITTLE. Amy was already panting at the thought of having to walk back, which was not something I wanted to hear; it made me feel more tired myself.
*** 21:39 3 Aug
We had the big water bags 'cooking' with iodine tabs for cleanup and the morning, Amy was setting up tents, Dad was teaching Brian's friends how to read a military map grid, and the rest of us were either cooking or out on guard. It was a little more important, this time, since we were in a non-permitted spot; the guards could probably give us enough warning for the humans to escape, at least, and maybe even avoid detection entirely. Not that it was that important, here and now, but it was good practice. As were the tarps tied off to shield the light the stoves made. On the other hand, if we were really serious, I wouldn't have traded my boots and socks for bare feet in sandals, or taken my pack off, and we wouldn't have been cooking like this either.
Tonight's menu was brown fried rice, with wok-broiled shrimp and beef tips and some stuff like water chestnuts and the rest of the green beans, all remaining vegetables in Stone Stew, along with another (and the last) large salad, Amy's pre-made gyoza to fry up in the wok, and the eggs I'd brought along with some other goodies to make egg-drop soup. Though it was definitely not authentic to use olive oil like we were doing...
I had to chuckle, and wonder about what Travis would think of this Oriental food, out here. Did he ever eat like this in scouting?
"What?" Dana wanted to know.
"Nothing!" I giggled. But thinking of Travis reminded me of yesterday, which prompted me to ask, "Dana?"
"YWhats'at?"
"You helped pick out my therapist, right?"
She looked at me. "Yeah, we have a few patients in common and they seem to like her a lot, say she's good. Why?"
"I was wondering... what are the limits on confidentiality for her?"
She thought about it for a moment. "Legally speaking, she can tell only your parents, since you're still a minor, or the authorities if she thinks you or someone else is endangered by your actions. Practically speaking, though, she's not going to talk to your parents about anything you want confidential; that was one of the reasons I urged Bill and Sarah to get a therapist for you, and her in particular, instead of talking to you themselves, because I thought there's probably stuff you'd feel more comfortable talking to someone else about. Not to mention that a trained therapist probably knows how to deal better with psychological problems than anyone else, and she works with teens and children almost exclusively. Plus, they aren't emotionally as involved either, so discussions can take place on a more rational level than might be the case with family. You know how parents get," she smiled wryly. "Why?"
"Uh. About stuff I feel more comfortable talking to someone else about," I told her.
"See?" she said with a grin. "I'd ask 'Why did you ask me that?' but I don't think you want to tell me that either. So, how is she working out?"
"Okay, I guess... Do you talk to her? About me, I mean?"
"I gave her the results from the tests and exams that I've gotten; remember signing the release for that?" I nodded. "And she suggested you take an antidepressant, which I prescribed. That's still working out?" she asked, and I nodded again. "Other than that, she and I don't talk about you either, especially not in the context of your therapy, for the same reasons." She paid some attention to the food for a bit, then looked back at me. "Does that answer your questions?"
"Yeah... thanks," I said.
"I'd guess that you're asking me this," she speculated, "because you either told her something recently or are going to tell her something. It's fine if you don't tell me, but I hope you are going to take advantage of her; that's the reason you're seeing her."
"That's what she told me," I sighed.
"See?"
"Yes, Doctor," I groaned, and she chuckled.
*** 22:09 3 Aug
"Egg drop soup?" Mike asked incredulously. "I thought you were kidding."
"Nope!" I grinned. "And pot stickers! Who wants some?"
It would have been simpler to ask if anyone didn't.
*** 22:12 3 Aug
As the egg drop soup and dumplings disappeared into various digestive systems and me and Dana went back to cook some more, Tim asked, "So how come we don't put guards out when we eat?"
I looked at Dad, as did the rest of the under-thirty contingent. I was hoping he hadn't forgotten to do this and had just been reminded. Dad explained, "Because this IS supposed to be fun, and making everyone eat in shifts isn't that fun, though we've done it before." It wasn't fun at all, actually; even though us Tuckerspawn tended to chew on each other a lot (or bite, or claw, or beat with sticks), not sitting around yakking during lunch or supper completely sucked.
Of course, when you were cook, you had to sometimes eat the first half of your meal while continuing to cook the other half, like Dana and I were doing semi-frantically.
*** 22:47 3 Aug
Fried rice was rapidly disappearing down people's gullets, and I was happily doing the same thing with my own full plate and mug. Walking around with two hundred pounds on my back had a stimulating effect on my appetite, I'd noticed.
"Man this is GOOD!" Dave commented incredulously with a half-full mouth.
"Of course it is," I replied, trying to sound mildly insulted. "I, me and Dana cooked it."
"I ORDERED the LAMB," Brian sneered, and quickly too. There were low chuckles around the circle at that.
"Well, I guess you have to talk to the manager," I shot back at him, just about as quick. "Maybe you can get a refund." I got a couple of chuckles too.
*** 23:39 3 Aug
"Eugene and Amy went and got water for tonight and tomorrow morning, and that's a lot of water," Dad mentioned. It was a lot of water; about four hundred pounds of it. "They also did all the cleanup from dinner. Does anyone have any problems if they don't pull guard duty tonight?"
The general consensus was a whiny 'no', which is in large part why I'd volunteered me and Amy to go get water and to do cleanup, in the hopes that I, and Amy, could sleep through the first night, which I for one needed.
Before Brian could, Mike said, "Me and Dan'll take last shift." We usually let Dana and Jim take the first shift, which meant that Dad and Brian were hosed, relatively speaking.
"Man!" Brian complained. "Scum weasel."
"Weasels never get sucked into jet engines, oh soaring foreign object," Mike said back.
*** 23:55 3 Aug
After a trip to the latrine area for tooth brushing as well as the obvious reason, an in-the-tent mutual tick check, and a quick change of underwear for me, Amy and I were zipping our sleeping bags together and giggling, because, except for Dana and Jim, I had the best sleeping partner in the whole party, and so did she. Or at least we were used to sleeping with each other, which becomes important when sleeping in a 'two-man' tent. That's because 'two-man' actually means 'two lovers' or 'two brothers', Mike and I had figured out, and so it was important to have someone you didn't mind cuddling with, because you were inevitably going to end up cuddling. Brian was difficult, and Mike was okay, I guess, but Amy was a lot nicer. I am so glad I have her-
Even if the idiot bitch was going to pull out a tiny light and a book out of her pack and start READING.
I sighed, rolled over, pushed against her, and tried to go to sleep.
*** 23:58 3 Aug
"Oh, God," Amy moaned, which vaguely disturbed me awake, sort of. "G'night Tuck," Amy said, and turned out the little LED light, put the book in her pack someplace, and curled against me.
Now I was confused. "Whss?" I asked.
"Too tired," she sighed into my ear.
"Mmmm," I smiled, and wriggled a little against her to let her know she was appreciated, before I fell off the cliff of consciousness again.
*** 06:02 4 Aug
"Tuck?" came a gentle male voice from outside my tent. "Amy?"
I pulled my face out of Amy's breasts and looked outside to find Dan, squatting by my tent. "Uh?"
"Six o'clock," he said quietly. "Time to get up."
"Uhhhhhh," I sighed, and nodded, and dove back into the tent to wake up Amy and get started on getting dressed. No, first was some acetaminophen, because I was going to be in pain. No, I was already in pain, though mostly my upper arms from where I was lifting my pack.
*** 06:05 4 Aug
"Mmm, fresh undies," Amy grinned as she slipped into her own fresh undies.
"And so much nicer than those old crunchy things you wear most of the time at home, aren't-" but I didn't get to finish because she started hitting me then, and it's impossible to dodge in a tent.
*** 06:11 4 Aug
We made it out to find that it was rather cold (for August) and that everyone seemed to still be here and moving around, all of which were good things.
Since I had my harness on, and since I had a camera inside it, and since I was supposed to take pictures, I took a few.
"Room service?" Brian said as he came out of his tent, like he was sure it was around here somewhere. I chuckled as Amy pulled me along to the latrine area.
*** 06:20 4 Aug
A mug of not-too-hot honeyed tea and a mess of oatmeal were just what I wanted this morning, I decided. Which was a good thing, since that's what I had to eat. Heh.
"Don't forget the laundry," Amy reminded me, and so I shook the laundry ziplock a few more times to agitate it.
The key to having fresh undies every day on a week long trip, was to do the laundry a lot.
*** 06:57 4 Aug
I finished repacking our tent about the time that the last of the wastewater was tossed off into the latrine area, which meant we were just about ready to stretch, inspect, and go.
*** 07:14 4 Aug
"Good enough," Dad said about the campsite, that no longer contained any evidence of our spending the night except some flattened patches plus some wastes deposited into the composting layers and out of sight. "Group one and three, saddle up," he said.
"Two, up," I said to my guys, and we were already loaded, so we climbed to our feet and got ready to go.
"Black underwear, Tuck?" Mike asked, and I almost looked down to see if I'd forgotten to wear my pants, before I realized I'd pinned most of yesterday's underthings on the 'clothesline' on my pack to let them dry out after washing them. Besides, if I had actually forgotten my pants, the lack of weight lower down would have caused me to flip over.
"Makes him look sexy," Amy purred, and the two guys made disgusted noises.
*** 11:38 4 Aug
The radio tweeped at us. Dad again, saying, 'Find a good noon laager'.
The nice thing about going hiking our way, during the summer at least, was that while we sometimes didn't get enough sleep at night, we often had an afternoon break which was almost as good.
*** 12:07 4 Aug
"We'll stay here until four, then move out again and keep going until about eight tonight," Dad explained. "Don't bother setting up the tents; the tarps will do. Any problems with that?" There weren't any. "Okay, then, cooks to lunch, water party come with me, guards out."
As planned, we were now out of neat fresh stuff, so it was back to the dehydrated monstrosities and suchlike. Luckily, we'd been doing this for a long time, so we had a relatively large selection of recipes that worked well.
*** 12:37 4 Aug
"I'll do all the cleanup too, if I can take a two hour nap," I bargained.
"Me too," Amy suggested.
"Both of us," I amended.
Brian mused, "Ya know, I bet if you hadn't spent all Friday night out partying and getting stoned and drunk-"
"YOU can't prove anything, rodent," I shot.
"-then you wouldn't be so tired now, would you?" Brian smiled.
"Yeah," grinned Amy, "but you wouldn't BELIEVE how many cute guys I can catch using Tuck here as bait!"
Everyone, including me, turned to stare incredulously at her.
She lasted about five seconds before she burst into frantic giggles and hid behind me.
"You're sick," Brian announced.
*** 13:41 4 Aug
A full belly, my tarp on the ground, fresh DEET on clothes, packs (staked for stabilization) sitting in full sunlight with the solar cells charging batteries, Amy's tarp tied off to the packs as a partial sunshade, hiking staves holding the other end of the tarp up, sleeping pad rolled out, and I was in heaven.
Amy came up and unrolled her pad next to me a minute later, and then we were both truly gone.
*** 14:12 4 Aug
"Tuck?" Mike annoyed me.
"Uhhh?" I whined.
"Mumble blah blah camera mumble," Mike said. I waded through his bizarre incoherent ranting until I reached a word I understood, then dug through my front-pack until I found the camera in its ziplock, and handed it to him.
"Thanks!" he said, and left. So did I.
*** 15:47 4 Aug
"Tuck? Amy? It's time to leave," someone said, and we both sat up and groaned.
"Ugh, muh," Amy said, indicating she needed to use the latrine area first. That sounded good to me, and we were always supposed to take our partner anyway, so we got up and went to the latrine area.
*** 15:54 4 Aug
"Rain coming in later today," Dad warned us, which generated a bunch of groans as responses. "Maybe thunderstorms." More groans.
*** 16:02 4 Aug
I hoisted my pack up and buckled what needed buckling, and then I was ready. Amy was finished a few seconds later, and then it was time to go.
"Two, take backtrail," Dad said out loud, and he started moving out with Brian and the other kids. Dana smiled at me and things in general as we waited for two minutes, then she and Jim started walking, holding hands. That'd last about thirty seconds, I guessed; it was too hard to do that and hike at the same time.
*** 16:06 4 Aug
"Hey, Mike, where's my camera?" I asked as he came up to me.
"Oh yeah," he said, and dug through his front pack until he found it and pulled it out and handed it to me.
"What did you want to immortalize?" I asked as I checked the picture counter. Four left, I saw- "WHAT?" I gasped, because I thought I'd misheard him when I wasn't listening.
"You and Amy sleeping together," he repeated. I hadn't misunderstood. "Tooooooooo cute," he sighed. "Were you two puppies in the same litter in a previous life or something?"
"FUCK you," I retorted.
"Hah, no," he said firmly.
"I want reprints of that one, if it comes out," Amy mentioned.
"Oh, I took several shots," Mike grinned. "It'll come out."
"I'm doooooooooomed," I moaned.
"Oh, shut up, Tuck," Dan said, grinning.
*** 18:22 4 Aug
I switched to command channel, keyed the radio, and said, "Hey, uh, Six, it's starting to look cloudy, didja notice?"
"Two," Dad said back, "didja notice the baro is dropping? Over."
Of course not, you stupid ass, I don't have a barometer, I didn't say. He wouldn't pay for one for me. "Roger that," I did say, adding, "Two halting for gear check, out."
"-Ix clear," Dad cut himself off.
"Hey, get ready for rain," I mentioned to my team, and we spent a couple of minutes putting dried laundry away and checking each other for open pockets and closing up sleeping bag carriers and readying ponchos and pack skirts and stuff like that.
*** 18:27 4 Aug
The wind, if you got to the top of a ridge or other non-sheltered place, was starting to get somewhat aggressive too. "Six, this is Two, perhaps we ought to biv at one of the hard campsites tonight? Over?"
"Not a bad idea, Two," Dad agreed. "Over."
"Two out."
*** 18:37 4 Aug
"It's coming," Dad said over the radio, from ahead.
"Rain's coming," I told my group, and we all sighed, and I traded out my sunglasses for tanker goggles while I had a minute.
That was about all the time I had, too, before the wind blew an extra-special long gust and then it started to really rain.
"Pack cover," Mike demanded after about half a second, and so we had to stop and get in a circle and trade off getting ponchos and rain pants out of someone else's pack and having someone else hand us ours. Then we folded up the solar arrays, put those away, took the shelves down, and got the rainskirts out of the packs and put them on the packs, to shed the water the poncho missed. You could get to hating rain just for this part.
On the other hand, the rain also meant that I could un-hook the wok from where I'd been carrying it on the outside of Amy's pack, attach the suspension system, cover, and bungees that I'd sewn together Saturday to the covering bag, and then put it over my head like a Chinese coolie hat. Said bungees then hooked into my pack straps, just like I'd planned.
"You dork!" Mike complained, which combined with his sour look told me that he wished he'd thought of it first. The sniggers from the rest of the guys told me they knew it too. "Shut up," Mike said disgustedly to all of us.
"Let me take a picture," Amy grinned, and so I handed her my camera and grinned like I meant it, because I meant it.
*** 19:22 4 Aug
"Camp Two, ya gotta love it," I said as I was formally the last in to camp. At least we'd all gotten water just before we turned off the trail, which meant I wasn't carrying enough for half of us. As opposed to, I guess, getting water from the sky, at least tonight.
They'd already set up a tarp over two stoves and were cooking, so I went over to see what else we could do. My wok-hat, meanwhile, was doing a dandy job of keeping the rain off my face, which was still pissing Mike off, since we only had the one wok, and there was no quick way to improvise the suspension system I had either. The only problem was, I couldn't really look up, but it wasn't like we had to watch for aircraft in this muck anyway.
*** 20:18 4 Aug
As we were sitting down to eat the Great Starch - instant stuffing, instant potatoes and gravy powder, and quick rice - one of the kids commented to the general population, "Man this hiking is HARD!" Maybe he was expecting sympathy or something.
There might have been comments made after that, but I was laughing too hard to hear them. I did manage to eject, "Man it's not even FREEZING!" but I didn't hear any responses to that either.
*** 21:57 4 Aug
I took a last swing around the perimeter, about a hundred meters out, and I could barely hear anything - it was easier for me to follow the smell of food back to the camp - and we were completely invisible. And, better, no one else was around us, either.
*** 01:48 5 Aug
"Tuck?"
I ignored the demon calling me in favor of-
"Amy? Tuck?"
It was using Mike's voice, but I wouldn't fall for such a lame-
"You little round-eyed fishbelly slacking geek, get your ass up," Mike demanded quietly.
"Muhhhh?" I complained as I unzipped things and looked outside. It sounded like it was still raining.
"Quarter ta two, still raining steadily," Mike informed us as he knelt on the vestibule. "Time for bed, I think," he yawned at me.
"Mike, you jerk," I sighed. "Couldn't you have forgotten about waking us up?" Amy moaned and tried to pull me back into the sleeping bag. And I really wanted to go.
"Ooooh, gee sorry," Mike said sarcastically before he patted me on the head. "It's not too bad, really. Just wet. And if you hurry, I'll help ya go to the latrine."
That was not to be missed, so I pummeled Amy awake and got dressed.
*** 03:18 5 Aug
The only thing worse than guard duty in the rain, was guard duty in the rain where something bad happened.
Luckily, nothing bad had happened, and Amy and I kept making rounds to make sure that nothing bad would happen, if we could help it.
*** 04:02 5 Aug
I'd given him as long as I could, but it was finally time to go and wake the old bastard up. "William Tucker? We're from the FBI, and we'd like to discuss the relation between some computer programs of yours and your bank accounts. You have the right to-"
"Eugene," he started, and proceeded to say some vile and untrue things about me as he got out of his sleeping bag, got dressed, and crawled out of his tent, crouching in the vestibule as he struggled into a poncho.
When he finished, I said, "You kiss my mother with that mouth?"
Dad and Brian chuckled before Brian started getting dressed, now that Dad wasn't in his way.
"It's four in the morning," I told them, "it's still raining and expected, via National Weather Service," weather broadcast for this area, I didn't need to say, "to continue at least until tomorrow night." Dad groaned softly. "Otherwise, all clear, no movement, no unusual noises. No thunder either."
"Good," Brian said as Dad nodded absently.
"So get up so I can go back to sleep," I suggested.
"Take me down slow and easy, Rock me 'til I'm down to the bone." - Whitesnake
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- ==[-------- Ellen Hayes @>--,--'--- ellen@barkingduck.net + PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313 6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC + http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +
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