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Tucking a Holiday -*- Copyright 2000 by Ellen Hayes.
Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes.
This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading this. I am not responsible. Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish, state, and country.
All rights reserved. See the bottom for distribution rights.
Tucking a Holiday
*** 06:09 2 Jul
Amy seemed serious about staying home, so I left her in bed and went to get ready.
*** 07:21 2 Jul
I also had to get some money out of my savings account for Mike, too, now that I thought about it.
*** 07:36 2 Jul
"Hi," I said to Miz Parker as she opened the front door.
"Hello, Valerie," she said back, sounding much more awake than I felt. "Here, I finally remembered- well, David remembered to get you your own key."
"My what?" I looked at the thing she handed to me.
"Your own house key, so you can come in in the mornings by yourself."
"Oh, great," I said, smiling. I guess it did get kind of tiresome letting me in every morning when she was trying to get ready. It would have been just as easy to give me the spare set of keys they had, that I used when we went somewhere, but that was for the house, she'd said. This would work, though.
*** 08:06 2 Jul
"Where's Amy?" Gary asked.
"She stayed home today, she was up really late last night," I said, flipping an omelette. No, wait, that was-
"Oh-"
"Doesn't she have to have a substitute or something?" Davy asked.
"Why?"
"'Cause she's not here?"
I looked at them. "She was just coming along to hang out with me, and you guys," I added to be nice. "she wasn't getting paid, except for helping me cook for that party, uh, last week." Was it last week? Seemed like forever-
"Is she coming back?" Ricky asked after draining half a glass of milk.
"Probably tomorrow."
"Can we go swimming?" Davy asked.
"After you wait, after breakfast," I reminded them.
*** 09:48 2 Jul
"NOW?" Ricky asked impatiently.
I checked my watch, and it was close enough. "Yeah, go-"
Gary and Ricky ran off screaming, which I was not surprised at. Davy stayed behind and asked me, "Are you going to come swimming with us?"
I thought about it. "Sure. Just don't let me fall asleep. I didn't sleep that much last night either." At least, it hadn't felt like that much.
"Okay," he said, sounding relieved, and then he went off to change into his swimsuit too.
Leaving me and Stella. "Well, Stell, you want to go swimming too?" I asked her.
"Ah-h-h-h-aaah brrr," she laughed and drooled.
"I'll take that as a yes."
*** 10:04 2 Jul
I had forgotten the ten o'clock feeding, though, and so had Stella until the cool water somehow reminded her, so we were back inside heating formula for her as I watched the boys from the kitchen window. I hadn't forgotten lots and lots of SPF-40, though, but it looked like it was going to be a while before it would do me any good at all.
*** 10:37 2 Jul
"Wheeee!" I said to Stella, to remind her she was having fun. She squealed like something not of this earth, which hurt everyone's ears. Except, apparently, hers, because she kept laughing afterwards.
"How come she doesn't have to wait after eating to go swimming?" Ricky complained.
"Because," I bobbed her up and down in the water, "I'm holding on to her, and I can take her out instantly if she gets cramps or something. You guys are heavier."
*** 11:41 2 Jul
"What do you guys want for lunch?" That set off a rolling argument, which didn't really surprise me.
*** 12:02 2 Jul
They had finally gotten tired of yelling at each other and made me choose something, so I chose Whatever-I-Found-First, and started digging and cooking what looked good. And low-cal; I still felt sort of full.
*** 17:46 2 Jul
Another day in paradise completed, I thought as Ricky ran off to go see who was coming in the garage.
*** 18:05 2 Jul
The bank was immensely crowded today, but I finally managed to get through to the ATM machine and suck some funds out of their skeletal clutches and back into mine.
*** 18:47 2 Jul
"Hey Amy," I said, and gave her a hug. "Did Mike call or something?"
"He's powdering his nose," she grinned and yanked a thumb towards the downstairs bathroom. "Guess what?"
"Uhhhhhh..." There were far too many possibilities. "I'm scared to ask. Good news?"
"Mike and I both got jobs at Freehold!" she smiled.
"Oh," I said.
"'Oh'? Is that all you can say is 'oh'?"
I sighed. "Congratulations, Amy. Good luck with the idiots."
"Oh, thanks, that is REALLY nice," she complained, and hit me in the arm.
I sighed. "Amy.... nothing," I shook my head as I changed my mind. "Good luck. When do you start?"
"We got the same shift, eleven to seven!" she chirped, happy again.
"Elev- graveyards?" She nodded. "Oh, uh, cool!" I said, forcing some fake enthusiasm. "Weekdays or what?"
"Weekdays, just like you," she bounced. "So we still have the weekends free!"
"Great!"
"Really," agreed Mike as he came up.
"Oh, hey," I said, and dug through my pack until I found my wallet. "Money!"
"Can I have some?" Amy asked hopefully.
"No," Mike and I both said at the same time, and she faked pouting.
*** 19:11 2 Jul
"Eugene?" Dad said as I was cleaning up. Mike and Amy looked at him, and he jerked his thumb. "You two outta here," he said in a credible gangster accent, and they faded.
"What?" I said, feeling justifiably paranoid.
He leaned against the doorframe. "Well, I got a call today... you know I installed the school computer systems, right? The entire network?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, they've been having this problem," he said.
"What problem?" I asked, confused now.
"There's this thing on the system, it... it keeps showing this burning goat's head when a computer starts up, and it keeps showing rude messages every couple of hours," he said.
I turned back to the sink and casually stuck myself in the hand with a fork to keep from smiling. "That's weird."
"Yeah," he agreed. "And, and they said they're willing to pay me my contracting rates," which were not small any more, "to fix the problem, since every time they hook a computer up to the network it starts doing this. Very peculiar," he commented.
"Yeah, really," I said, my eyes starting to water from the pain.
"Eugene?" he asked.
I had to turn around. I gave myself an extra jab before I did, and it helped; I managed to have a straight face on when I turned around.
Until he lost it and fell down laughing.
*** 19:16 2 Jul
"Um, um," Dad said, wiping his eyes and helping me off the floor, which probably had dents in it from where I was pounding it with my head. "Anyway, it's really devilish, and I thought that perhaps whoever did this terrible thing-"
"Oh, terrible," I sniffed before I laughed some more, which set Dad off again.
*** 19:18 2 Jul
"I thought they might have put in some sort of key or password, to turn it off, and you might know what- I mean, be able to figure it out," he got out, wiping his entire face. "Since you know the kids at school and everything."
"Um, gee Dad, I've got all this work to do-"
"Ten percent."
"I'll see what I can do," I said instantly. "Can it wait until tomorrow or do they need it tonight?"
"Tomorrow's fine," he said, nodding slowly.
Pause.
"Whoever did that is getting too good at hacking," he said, grinning, and he clapped me on the shoulder.
"Who EVER it is," I reminded him.
"Whoever it is," he agreed. "I just hope that whatever fiend it was, gets what he deserves."
"Me too!" Ten percent...
*** 19:19 2 Jul
Amy and Mike burst in the back door the instant Dad left the kitchen. "Tuck-" "What-"
"Um, Mike? Remember that program that some fiend put on the school computers last year?" I would have cracked up at the expression on his face, but I was almost sick of laughing. "They wanted Dad to see if he could fix it..."
*** 22:19 2 Jul
"It's about time," Dad stated, confusing me.
Mike waved at me and Amy. "You ready?"
"Yeah," Amy said, and she turned around and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You be good tonight," she said as she got up.
Oh, she's going to work, I realized. "Don't lose it," I said back. Amy and Mike waved, then they left.
After the door shut, Dad sighed, and said, "I can't believe both of them were masochistic enough to take that job."
"Bill!" Mom complained as I laughed.
*** 23:04 2 Jul
This was gonna suck, I realized, as I rolled over and once again didn't find Amy in my bed. I sighed.
*** 04:19 3 Jul
I hated Amy's job already, I decided as I got up and went to scrub out the bad taste of whatever it was that had been stuffed in my mouth as I was being tortured.
*** 06:01 3 Jul
The beeping of the alarm caught me, finally, as I stopped for a minute to figure out what I was playing wrong.
*** 07:40 3 Jul
I was about to knock on the Parker's door when I remembered she'd given me a key, so I scrabbled for that, and found it just before I dumped the entire contents of my pack on the porch. I have got to reorganize this, I decided.
*** 07:45 3 Jul
"Hi Miz Parker," I said as she came into the kitchen.
"Good morning, Valerie," she smiled, holding Stella. "Feeling better this morning?"
"Yeah," I lied, and smiled for her.
*** 07:50 3 Jul
I was looking at my pack and my purse and thinking about reorganizing them when I realized what I really ought to do. "Miz Parker, can I take the kids out to the mall today?"
She raised her eyebrows at me, like 'Do you know what you're saying?'
"I know," I answered, "but I think I need to get some new stuff for me, and I might as well do it now and take them with me."
"You're going to take them SHOPPING?" she asked incredulously.
"NOOOOooo!" Ricky screamed as he made a quick 180 and departed at high speed. I hadn't even noticed him coming before he started screaming.
We looked at each other.
"Maybe it's a bad idea," I allowed.
Miz Parker chuckled and shifted Stella around. "Well," she said when Stella was settled again, "if you can change their minds, then that would be fine. Remember to call-"
"-and leave a message as to when and where we went, and when we get back," I smiled.
"I don't have to remind you of this, do I?" she asked rhetorically, and smiled back as I shook my head.
*** 09:52 3 Jul
The clouds hadn't looked that bad when I came in, but the weather channel said they would be getting worse, so I trashed the idea of taking all four of them to the mall. I'd done that once already in a typhoon, and the thrill was gone, as they say. Luckily I hadn't been stupid enough to actually mention 'mall' to them, and Ricky either missed that part or lost it when he got horrified.
*** 11:14 3 Jul
I had just decided on nachos - with vegetables on the top and cooked with the meat and cheese, which was the sneaky nutritional part - when they came dripping into the kitchen. "What-"
"Towels!" I reminded them, and they dashed back out.
*** 11:16 3 Jul
"Where's Amy?" Ricky asked.
"Oh... she got a paying job, so she probably won't be showing up again." None of the boys liked that. Stella was relatively unconcerned, busily squirting her way in reverse across the kitchen floor. I thought I saw something, and naturally she reached for it, and I swooped down and picked her up before she could even get close to what turned out to be a leaf.
"I thought she liked us," Davy whined.
"Oh, she does," I said, not actually having a clue, "but when you get to be about ten years older, you'll find out you need a lot more money than you guys do now."
Oh my God, did I just say 'when you grow up you'll understand'? I'm too YOUNG to be saying that!
*** 17:36 3 Jul
I wonder what Travis is doing? I thought, from out of nowhere, and then realized that I could in fact call him and ask what he was doing, and maybe have someone to go shopping with. I went and made sure the kids were busy watching something, then went into the kitchen and dialed his number.
Four rings later, it picked up, and I was about to say something when I realized it was an answering machine. "D-darnit," I sighed, and waited for the boring message to be over. If you can't do it right, don't do it at all, I thought.
It finally beeped, and I said, "Travis, this is Valerie, at a little after five thirty. Give me a, a page," I said as I realized I didn't want to give him any phone number I might be around for the next hour. I rattled off the number, then a sliver of conscience prompted me to add, "I need to go shopping and get some stuff, but not clothes, so I thought I'd warn you. Anyway, let me know, 'kay?" and I hung up.
Then I started to worry.
*** 17:50 3 Jul
"Anyway," Miz Parker was saying, "I meant to tell you, it's time to try her," meaning Stella, "on some other food, so I got several jars of strained carrots." Ugh, I thought.
Then my pager buzzed, and I almost screamed. I managed to suppress that and simply say, "Um, can I use your phone for a minute?"
"Sure, go ahead," she said. I made myself walk to the phone, and checked the pager, to find it was my house calling me, which made it very unlikely that it was Travis. "D-d-d," I stuttered, really needing to say something that I really shouldn't. Since I'm here, I sighed, and picked up the phone and called.
"Tuck!" Mike said.
"Yeah?" I said, trying to sound normal.
"What up?"
"Nothin', what up with you?" I countered.
"Got the car fixed, finally."
That WAS good news. "Great!"
"Wanna go hang somewhere and celebrate?"
'NO!' I almost screamed. I bit myself instead, and said as soon as I could, "Yeah, that's a good idea."
"Tuck? You okay?" he asked suspiciously.
"Yeeah- Stella's been wriggling all day and I almost dropped her," I lied.
"Don't do that," he said, like I didn't know that.
*** 18:41 3 Jul
He still hadn't paged me, and I was starting to think I might have the wrong number after all- But that was his voice on the answering machine, I remembered. Damn damn damn-
"Tuck?"
"Huh?" I looked up, and Mike and Amy were looking at me suspiciously again. "Just off in some music," I lied.
"Yeahright," he snorted, but didn't press. "We were discussing what you were going to cook Saturday."
"I what? Wait a minute-"
"Barbecue," Mike grinned.
"But I can't-"
"Your dad said he would," Amy added. "It IS the Fourth of July, you know. Or tomorrow is, anyway. It's a tradition!"
"We told your dad you'd be happy to- well, Amy did," Mike added, and oofed as Amy elbowed him.
Pause while the two of them grinned at me.
"You set me up!" I complained.
"You started it," Mike said back instantly.
"I did not! I lost a damn card bet and had to fix Sunday dinner that one time, this is not fair!"
"That counts as starting it," Mike said.
I was about to continue when Amy put a hand on my shoulder. "Come on, I'll help."
Oh, lord, the amount of stuff I'D have to do-
"Nooooo, how can you do this to me?" I moaned.
Amy said, "Mike was gonna help too-"
"I was? Ow! I was, wasn't I?" Mike said, reaching under the table to rub his leg.
*** 18:57 3 Jul
An emergency administration of chocolate, and a number of lies told by both of them, had me feeling reluctantly better. "Cole slaw, we need about, um... how many people are coming?"
Mike and Amy both shrugged. "Who do you want to invite?" Amy asked.
"Besides me," Mike said. "And Kim."
"And Rachel, she was nice," Amy said.
"Dan would want to come-"
"And that girl that was with him."
"Ellen, yeah," Mike agreed. I switched to a different page and started scribbling names.
*** 21:04 3 Jul
"Sabrina?"
"Hi Val!" she said. "Whatsup?"
"Well, I- we're still having that sleepover this weekend, right?" I confirmed.
"Yeah..." she said hesitantly. "Why?"
I sighed. "Well, I got trapped into cooking again, and-"
"Oh, I heard about that!" she smiled into the phone.
I jumped. "Wanna come for barbecue Saturday before? Dad's doing most of the meat, but I'm doing everything else." I guessed, anyway.
"Oh, uh-"
"And if you could call everyone else, 'cause I don't have all the numbers for everyone." Officially, that is.
"EVERYone is invited?" she said like she didn't believe it.
"That's why I'm calling tonight, I need to know how many people are showing up. Last time we had twelve counting-"
"TWELVE?!" Sabrina gasped.
"Yeah, all my family, which is six at this point with Amy here," Amy looked up from her reading pose on the bed. I waved at her, and she waved back, looking a little puzzled. I continued, "And then Mike and Kim, and Dan and Ellen, and Julia, um... a plate for Jill, that's twelve." Amy went back to her book.
"That's twelve," Sabrina agreed, sounding a little strange.
"Yeah... anyway, we thought we could have everyone over, or everyone who wants to come anyway, and then have like a REALLY big one, since I'm not paying for..." Come to think of it, I hadn't gotten any money from Mom yet from two weeks ago. How could I forget that?!
"Val?"
"Oh, sorry," I apologized. "Anyway, uh... wanna come?"
"Um...." Now I waited for her to come back. "Sorry," she said eventually. "I was just trying to remember who works and who doesn't on weekends."
"Well, call 'em all, and we can save plates if anyone wants one," I told her. "We did that for Jill a couple of weeks ago. So, y'know, just call everyone and see if they want to come, right?"
"Okay... how are you doing?" she asked.
*** 21:17 3 Jul
"So anyway-" I stopped listening because Dad had just sent a house email, reminding us that Uncle Lanier was bringing his entire brood along with him for the Fourth and to get ready to double up.
"Val, are you listening?" Sabrina asked.
"Oh, nothing, um... You were talking about Tom and you?"
She sighed. "What are you doing?"
"Checking the house email," I said truthfully. "Dad sent us an email about the Fourth party."
"You are SUCH a geek," she informed me.
"But I cook good!"
She laughed, and I felt better.
*** 21:32 3 Jul
"Julia?"
"Yes?"
"It's me, Tucker?"
"Oh HI!" she said enthusiastically. "What's going on?"
"Well, remember dinner a couple of weekends ago?"
*** 22:41 3 Jul
I was seriously longing for bed - alone, but I was tired - when something started to buzz. I went looking around the computers for a while, fearing the worst, but it stopped.
But not before I found out it wasn't coming from the computers. What the-
*** 22:42 3 Jul
"Hello?"
"Travis?!" I had to calm down; I sounded like I was in a panic. "Hi! What's up?"
"Oh, I went out with some friends after work, I just got home..."
"Oh..."
But at least he called me back, I realized. So I smiled, and asked him, "So did you have fun?"
"Yeah, it was fun, we- don't laugh, okay? We went out and played miniature golf-" I snorted; I couldn't help it. "Oh come on-"
"I'msorryI'msorry, it's just sort of funny... I thought of you holding one of those little short clubs," I lied, but it was a funny image now that I thought of it. They wouldn't come up to his pockets.
"Some of the guys were asking where you were," he said, which stopped me laughing.
"Me?"
"Yeah, they said I should have brought you along," he said.
I thumped on my chest to remind it what rhythm to use.
"But now I have your pager number," he continued, and now he was smiling, "so can I page you next time we go out or something?"
"Uh, yeah! That'd be cool!"
"So how was your day?" he asked.
*** 23:32 3 Jul
"G'night," Travis said.
"G'night, talk to you later?"
"Yeah."
Pause.
"Um bye," I said, and disconnected before I looked any dumber.
*** 06:09 4 Jul
I almost hit the snooze button again before I remembered that I still had to get up. "Darnit," I sighed.
*** 07:01 4 Jul
I left an invitation on Rachel's dresser, and I hoped she'd find it. I'd call her tonight, but it would be easiest if she knew what I was talking about.
*** 07:41 4 Jul
Miz Parker opened the door before I could find my key. I never had gotten things organized last night. "Oh uh-"
"Hi Valerie!" she said happily. "Happy Fourth!" she said.
"Oh, uh, thanks..." What the hell is she doing? "What's going on?" I said instead.
"It's the Fourth!" she said, which I already knew. "David and I are off today, and we thought we'd take the kids out."
"Oh..." I wish she'd told me yesterday, or I would have stayed home this morning. "Uh, okay, so..."
"Well, Cindy and I thought we'd go to King's Island today!" she smiled. "Both families, make sort of a party out of it."
I thought about it. "With me?"
"If you want to come," she said, still smiling.
I thought about the thousands of people that would be there. Tens of thousands. Maybe hundreds of thousands. "Um, would it be okay if I didn't?" I asked nervously.
The smile left her face, which was sort of what I was afraid of. "You don't want to come?"
Just the thought of being trapped behind the fences with everyone that was going to be there today was making my palms sweat. "Um... I really hate crowds," I apologized. I thought about it a second more, then made a severe sacrifice and added, "I mean, if you were counting on me to watch the boys, I can come, I guess..."
Her face looked really confused. "You don't want to come?" she repeated.
"Um..." I said, because the only other thing I could think of, was to run to my car and depart before something worse happened.
"I, I thought you'd like to," she said, like she was sad.
"Well, I mean, I mean thanks for thinking of me, but... not on a holiday? It's gonna be insane there."
"I always thought that was part of the fun?" she said, sounding completely serious. I'd rather be tortured in gym class again, I thought but didn't say, but maybe I flinched when I considered it, because her eyebrows went up. "I guess you're serious," she said, like she couldn't believe it.
"I mean, if you want me to take them some other day for you, I'd be happy to," I offered. "Just, not today?"
"Well, alright, then," she said, trailing off.
There was a very awkward pause.
"Do you want me to fix breakfast for everyone before you go?" I offered. I had a feeling I'd stepped on some kind of big land mine or something, and I really didn't want it to explode, but I REALLY didn't want to go on a day like today.
Her eyebrows went up again.
*** 07:50 4 Jul
"You don't mind?" Miz Parker asked me again before she picked up the phone.
"No," I said honestly. "I, I kinda feel like I'm letting you down by not going." I wished I hadn't said that as soon as it came out.
"Valerie!" she said, looking sort of puzzled and sort of amused at the same time. "We were just going to have some fun today, and we all thought the least we could do for you, is invite you along."
"Oh, um..." I felt bad again. Well, worse.
"Valerie," she interrupted my mood, "if you don't want to go, that's alright, really. And you don't have to make breakfast for us either-"
"Oh, I don't mind THAT," I said.
She shook her head, but she was smiling.
*** 08:35 4 Jul
"And she always cooks breakfast?" Mister Upshaw asked Miz Upshaw. I'd remembered to ask what their names were before they got there, which was a bit of luck. I felt sort of stupid asking Miz Parker, but not as stupid as I would have felt asking one of the Upshaws.
"And usually lunch," Miz Parker smiled at him. "And she did most of the cooking for the party we had last week, too."
I felt mildly better. And then better than that, when Miz Upshaw made a happy noise about that and reminded him where the meatballs had come from.
"Grbl-" commented Davy, and at least five people including me snapped back, "Don't talk with your mouth full!"
*** 09:11 4 Jul
"No, if you want to go on and get a good parking space," I said, "this would be a good time. I'll wash up and then lock up the house when I leave."
"But-" Miz Parker said.
"Unless you want a half-mile hike at the end of the day," I pointed out.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure! You go have fun," You idiots, "and I'll finish up here." I made shooing motions with my hands, and she laughed.
*** 09:46 4 Jul
And about the time THEY were finding out that every asylum within four hundred miles had let its patients out today in the parking lot, I was changing at Rachel's before I went home and slept.
*** 10:12 4 Jul
"Tuck?" Amy asked sleepily. "Aren't you working?"
"I got off today," I said, saving the explanation for later. I dumped most of my clothes off and climbed into bed before she could think of anything else to say. "Wanna take a nap?" I asked.
"Um hn," she agreed, her eyes closing, and snuggled next to me.
*** 15:18 4 Jul
I woke up about three with that sticky, loggy feeling I got when I had slept enough for once, and so I got up and took a shower, and went back to my room. I was going to play on my synth until I remembered that I owed Dad a password, so I decrypted the notes I'd made writing the hack originally, and bundled off a solution to Dad via mail. I could have done it from his account, but there really wasn't a point since he'd know it was me anyway, and then he'd been rude enough to rewrite the operating system so I couldn't hack into it.
I gotta fix that, I thought, and I got to work.
*** 17:48 4 Jul
"Tuck, Amy, dinner," Dad said over the intercom. I checked the MacinClock, astonished that it was so late already.
*** 18:49 4 Jul
"Hey Tuck?" I looked up and it was Brian squeaking at me.
"What?"
"Dad s-" He cleared his throat. "Dad said," it had helped, "you were gonna be cooking stuff tomorrow?"
I should feed all of you into the fusion plant, I thought. "I've been told that, yes... why?"
"Well, 'cuz I was gonna invite some friends, and-"
"How many?!"
*** 19:01 4 Jul
"You WHAT?!"
"Don't yell at me, Eugene!" Mom complained, pointing a finger at me. "It's just six people-"
"Wait," said Brian.
*** 19:04 4 Jul
I handed the pad to Susan because her handwriting was better. "Okay, Dad, how many people did YOU invite?"
"Uh, nine..." Dad said, thinking about it.
"Nine?" I moaned.
*** 19:06 4 Jul
"ELEVEN!?" everyone yelled at me.
"Hey!" I yelled back. "Remember that no one bothered telling me about cooking until like two days ago?! And NO ONE mentioned guests until tonight?!"
"That's almost fifty people!" Susan gasped.
"Oh god," I said, slumping down on the floor.
"Oh, no," agreed Dad. "Why this year?"
"Because we had it at Uncle Lanier's last year?" Mom mentioned.
"And the year before that," Amy reminded us.
"And the one before that," Brian said.
"Argh," Dad said, holding his head in his hands.
"When was the last time we had it here, anyway?" I asked, and people made thinking noises.
"Why ARE we having it here this year?" Brian asked.
"Lanier's house is being renovated, remember?" Dad reminded him.
There was a sort of quiet despair for a while.
Mom groaned and started, "I've got to clean-" and that was my cue to go grab the vacuum cleaner before anyone else did, because Mom would want the whole house vacuumed, which would mean I would be far too busy to clean toilets.
Brian tripped me from behind, but as I fell I managed to catch his feet too, and then I was scrambling on all fours to the hall closet and got there before he could. "Damnit!" he hissed, and I smirked at him before he ran off to the kitchen, probably to work on dishes and mopping the floors.
Anything was better than cleaning toilets.
*** 19:51 4 Jul
"You two," Mom informed me and Susan when the vacuum cleaner had wound down enough to hear again, "are going shopping. Right this instant."
"Do you have a list?" I asked Mom.
*** 19:58 4 Jul
Mom handed me her list, and Susan added hers to the collection in my hands. I'd already written mine out- well, mined the house recipe file for ingredients and amounts and multiplied by sixty - you had to allow for some extra, especially in a situation like this - and added them all up and printed it. Dad laughed about how they used to try and sell computers to women by saying you could store recipes on them; I think we were the only house in town that actually did. "And money- Mom! You still owe me for last time I cooked!"
"I what?" she said.
*** 20:01 4 Jul
"See?" I said, handing Mom the receipt I had, thankfully, remembered to save from a couple of weeks ago.
"Good god." Her face went all confused. "And you just remembered this?"
"Mom! Things have been kind of confused lately!"
She sighed. "I think they're going to get worse..."
"I think they already did," Amy said.
*** 21:11 4 Jul
"Celebrate my ass," I commented as I paused and stretched my back.
"Don't stop," Susan demanded. "We gotta get this stuff home."
"Oh God."
"At least," she grinned, "we get the other two to help unload."
I chuckled as I went back to unloading one of the carts onto the register's belt.
*** 21:18 4 Jul
"Gawd almighty," I said in awe. I'd never seen a grocery bill that large before.
Susan whipped out a credit card and began explaining to the cashier that it was the parents' card, and the cashier just picked up the phone and begged for a manager. I was glad to be out of this one.
*** 21:50 4 Jul
When we got back home, the springs on Susan's car totally compressed in the rear, there were yet more cars in the driveway. "Oh boy, Uncle Lanier's here!" I said.
"More help!" Susan said, which was my idea.
*** 21:57 4 Jul
Someday, perhaps, I would understand why Susan was getting stuffed in my room to make way for two of Uncle Lanier's kids. As it was, I had to put the bunk bed back on top of my bed before we could sleep, because there was no way I was sleeping in the same bed with Susan. And there was no way she'd let me sleep unless she had a place to sleep too.
"Would you hurry?!" Amy complained bitterly and I got back to serious screwing. "This thing is heavy!"
*** 22:27 4 Jul
The meat was marinating, apparently - in several wash basins - and everyone was finally taking a breather from bringing in luggage and groceries and wood and charcoal and twelve-packs and coolers and everything else.
Uncle Lanier hadn't gotten any older looking, but he was at the point at which he probably wouldn't get much older looking, because he was already kind of wrinkled and most of his hair was already gray. His kids had gotten bigger, though. Of course, so had me and Amy and Brian. His youngest birthchild, a girl named Delilah, was a high school senior next year, and she was talking to Susan about college already. His latest adopted kid just kind of sat around and watched, like they tended to do the first time they visited. John Lanier and his wife had the first and second grandchild on display, and Mom and Susan were cooing at them, but I was sick of babies.
"Eugene!" boomed Uncle Lanier. "You're looking healthy, for once," he smiled.
"Yes sir!" I said, and came over and shook his hand. I'd been calling Uncle Lanier 'sir' since I could talk; he just seemed like someone you called 'sir'. Before I could talk, I'd saluted him.
"How are you, son?" he asked seriously.
I thought about it seriously for a bit before I decided, "Pretty well, in general, sir."
"Your dad told me you had a pretty bad breakup a while ago?"
I sighed. "Yes sir, well..."
*** 23:08 4 Jul
"Yeah, I mean, they make me go to school and stuff, but it's okay," William said. He was the Laniers' latest reclamation project; this one had been selling drugs when Uncle Lanier got him. He was twelve. "I mean, it's hard and stuff, but they don't just tell me to f-" He stopped with a fearful glance towards certain parental units.
"Buzz off," Amy supplied.
"Yeah, they help me with it and stuff," William said, nodding.
"So how's it going?" I asked. "Are you in summer school?"
"Naw, I hadn't flunked out yet," he said, sounding grateful, "so I don't have to go this summer, but they were real hard during the year. But, man," he got excited, "I got like an A on this paper I wrote for reading class!"
"Oh cool!" me and Amy both said.
"They helped me do it, but they made ME write it, and the teacher READ some of it in class!" he went on. "I got like a B for the year!"
*** 00:04 5 Jul
"'Night, Suze," I said, and she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before she gave Amy the same thing.
As Susan climbed up on the top bunk, Amy said in her Long Island accent, "'Ey, nice ass!"
"Oh!" Susan sputtered, and jumped off. "Tucker I'm gon-"
"ItwasHER! ItwasHER!" I shrieked as Susan grabbed me. I don't think she would have believed me if Amy hadn't jumped on my bed and began laughing and pleading for mercy, all at the same time.
"You-" Susan growled, then grabbed a pillow and began beating Amy with it. I took her other one and started doing the same thing.
*** 07:11 5 Jul
Susan gave Amy and me a weird look as we came out of the bathroom still wet from our shower.
"I thought we could save some time and water, and you weren't up yet," Amy explained as I tapped in the door code. Luckily, I knew this could happen, so I'd made sure the thing was waterproofed before I installed it.
*** 07:39 5 Jul
"I am the greatest potato peeler in the world, I am the greatest potato peeler in the world, I am the greatest potato peeler in the world, I am the greatest potato peeler in the world, I am the greatest potato peeler in the world," Amy and I chanted as we swayed back and forth. There were forms we had to observe-
"What the-" Susan gasped as she came in and saw us. "You two are NUTS!" she shrieked, and left.
Amy and I laughed so hard we fell off our chairs. Then we got back to peeling potatoes, because we needed about a billion of them peeled.
*** 11:31 5 Jul
Dad and a lot of other stinky males came in, staggering and sweating, and broke into the refrigerator for drinks. "All the tables?" Mom asked.
"All the tables," Uncle Lanier confirmed.
"Getcher fingers outta that!" Aunt Louisa cursed and slapped a hand which was approaching a pot. Me and Mom and Amy were allowed, but we were also cooking this year. "Lord give me strength, I gotta start work on the gumbo," she sighed.
"Amen," added Uncle Lanier.
"At least we got the old barbecue this time," said Eli Lanier, number two in the breeding list. The last few times, we'd had to make do with what we had on hand; this year, Uncle Lanier's church had apparently finished the humongous permanent emplacement, which freed up this 'small' one - you could roast a calf in it whole - for other events like reunions. Like this one.
"William, Delilah, Rachel," Aunt Louisa called, "y'all come with me and bring somethin' to chop with." There were minor groans but the three of them got up.
"Brian?" Mom added, and he groaned and got up himself.
*** 12:19 Jul
I finally got sick and tired of shaking, and so I ripped the grating off the top of the paprika and tapped out a relatively immense amount on a spoonful of potato salad before tasting it. It was delicious, so I dumped most of the bottle in and resumed stirring.
Always beta-test, I'd learned.
Mom came by, looked, figured out what I'd done, took a spoonful, went, "Mmmm!" as her eyes bugged out, and she grabbed the entire bowl and took it outside for Aunt Louisa to taste.
I sighed, and turned back to helping Brian chop veggies. "Heh," he said, grinning at my instant demotion.
"Wait until you taste it," I promised him.
"It better be good, or you'll be wearing it," he warned.
Which is why I always beta-tested.
*** 14:08 5 Jul
The younger Tuckers, along with Amy and Willie, sat on the back porch for a few minutes as we all coincidentally rested at the same time. I was watching the gumbo pot, which was about large enough to boil a four year old. Dad had told us that was our fate if we misbehaved on these days, and I had only stopped believing him when I realized he wouldn't go to the work of cutting us up small enough to fit, when I'd grown large enough to need butchering. That was about nine, I remembered as I thought.
But the smell coming out of it was intense, and spooky, and I had to keep swallowing drool.
"Cold stuff," Susan reminded us, and we stretched and moaned and got up to go do the rest.
*** 14:22 5 Jul
"Tuck!" Mike called. I looked over, and he had Jill and Pam with him. "I brought two more galley slaves for ya!"
As they complained and he fended them off, I called out, "Don't need 'em right now. Now we're just cooking stuff like crazy."
"WHAT are you FIXING?" Jill asked eagerly, a light in her eyes.
*** 16:33 5 Jul
"Tuck?" called a voice. I looked over, and it was Rachel- my Rachel, I mean- well, the one I knew- the one Uncle Lanier HADN'T brought.
"Hey!" I said, and bobbled my head. "I'd come over, but I'm washing and cutting chicken,"
"Oh wow," she said, "you're barbecuing chicken?"
"We're cooking an entire supermarket," Brian said.
*** 16:46 5 Jul
"Chocolate cake?" Kathy asked, grinning.
"Aaaht!" I warned, and looked around before I added quietly, "That's for Uncle Lanier." Susan stifled a laugh, which no one else understood. "Besides, they're grinding up homemade ice cream on the back porch."
"Ooooh," said several of them approvingly.
"Grinding up?" Sabrina asked.
*** 17:33 5 Jul
"Hey," I said to Kim as she gave Mike a hug and then me a hug.
"I got over here as fast as I could after work..." She trailed off and started sniffing intently.
"Dead cows in profusion," Mike said.
"And LOTS of other things," Delilah said as she passed by.
"Who's that?" Kim asked.
Before I could, Mike said, "One of my cousins."
"Kissing cousins," said cousin Rachel, and she grabbed him and kissed him on the cheek.
"Bleeeeeeh!" Mike complained and struggled to get away, but Rachel was bigger than either of us and there was just no way.
*** 17:44 5 Jul
"William's the youngest," Mom said, and handed him the Holy Triangle.
"Put the striker in it and just run it around in a circle," Aunt Louisa said. I stuck my fingers in my ears, thus missing anything else anyone said, and nodded at him.
He looked at it and started to grin, and then he started beating on it, loud enough to be heard across town.
*** 17:47 5 Jul
Despite five picnic tables, there still wasn't enough room for the 'kids', so we were going to be sitting on the ground, which discrimination was based on Dad's contention that those of us who weren't working for a living were more flexible. Arguing was utterly futile - Dad would even sometimes yell "Resistance is useless!" - so I didn't try; luckily, all us kids were wearing things like jeans or shorts instead of skirts.
"We have the grace to present to you, our honored and esteemed guests," Uncle Lanier intoned, "on this day of patriotic celebration, a host of foods from our blessed country!"
Dad started clapping, and the rest of us applauded for a bit. I'd come to think of it as warming up the eating fingers.
"He's not gonna make a speech, is he?" Kim asked in my ear. I shook my head, but didn't bother saying anything, because the menu was next.
"We have, arrayed for your pleasure, a large conventional salad," Uncle Lanier announced, "my wife's FINE gumbo," which got some cheers because it was FINE, "the classic chopped tomato salad, roasted corn on the cob, cornbread, some DEEElicious homemade pickles, FOUR count-'em FOUR kinds of potato salad, three kinds of cole slaw, two kinds of beans," one of Brian's friends made a farting noise which was generally ignored and locally punished, "and for those of you who think that the Lord God intended us to eat meat, or he wouldn't have made it taste so darn good..."
He had to stop as we laughed for a while. "Brisket! Sausage! Fried chicken! Grilled chicken breasts!"
"Yummmm!" Pam breathed in my other ear.
"And RRRRRRIBS!" Uncle Lanier bellowed happily, because he was probably going to eat a cow's worth of them.
"Eat hearty!" Dad yelled.
"Now y'all come over here!" called Aunt Louisa, waving her arms. "Get yer plates, cups and silverware!"
Gumbo is God's compensation for those forced to live in Louisiana.
-- ehayes
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- ==[-------- Ellen Hayes @>--,--'--- ellen@barkingduck.net + PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313 6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC + http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +
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