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Allotment of Tuck -*- Copyright 2000 by Ellen Hayes.
Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes.
This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading this. I am not responsible. Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish, state, and country.
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Allotment of Tuck
*** 07:09 16 Jun
I was really going to have to do laundry tonight; I was running out of stuff to wear.
I looked at Rachel, and decided to ask her about laundry rooms later, like maybe when she was awake, which she wasn't now.
The first thing I found was a sundress, which was sort of ironic, since today looked like it would be anything but sunny. Luckily, I didn't have many bruises on my arms today. They were everywhere else. It did have a long skirt on it, at least.
*** 07:36 16 Jun
"Hi Miz Parker, sorry I'm late, I had a tough weekend," I said as I came inside.
"Oh, that's alright," she smiled. "I was just starting to get worried about you."
"I'm okay," I said, which was sort of true. I was in a lot of pain, but almost all of it was physical today.
*** 08:02 16 Jun
"You look really nice today," Ricky commented as I started wrapping franks in instant-biscuit stuff.
"Thanks," I said. "This is what happens when you don't do the laundry often enough; you have to start wearing nice clothes."
*** 09:45 16 Jun
"But you promised!"
"What? When?"
"Last Friday?" Ricky prompted, like I'd remember.
I didn't remember; Friday seemed like a haze of pain and insanity that I'd rather not think about too hard, in case I remembered all of it all at once and went crazy again.
"You DID!" he insisted.
"Why would I do something that stupid?" I asked, committing another stupidity.
*** 09:48 16 Jun
"I'm sorry, Ricky," I admitted, hopefully loudly enough to be heard over him and Stella crying. "I just don't know why I agreed to take you shopping."
I tried stroking his shoulder, and he didn't flinch. Unfortunately he didn't stop crying either. I sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to think at the same time as comforting Ricky and Stella.
*** 09:55 16 Jun
"I just don't understand why..." I couldn't say it out loud, because I wasn't sure what he was doing.
"I dunno!" he protested. "I just wondered what it was like. You know, like playing pretend?"
"But-"
"And you're a real girl, you could tell me what it's like," Ricky said earnestly.
I closed my mouth and held my chin so nothing stupid would fall out.
*** 10:02 16 Jun
I'd finally agreed - again, I guess - to get something for him. Unfortunately, he wanted to stay home while I did it. "Uh uh," I told him. "There is no way I can leave you alone. What if your mom called or something happened?"
"Nothing'll happen!"
"I said that so many times in my life, and I was usually wrong," I told him. As he opened his mouth to say something, I changed the subject. "I thought you wanted to do this?"
"I do!"
"Then prove you want it bad enough, by coming with me."
His mouth worked for a while but nothing came out. I was hoping he'd see reason.
*** 10:41 16 Jun
I hated myself, sometimes. Other times, I hated everyone else. This was one of the other times. I was just as glad to leave Ricky in the car and go into the Wal-Mart without him. Of COURSE I had to take Stella with me; it would have been too easy otherwise. At least I'd remembered to get his measurements and compare them to a catalog's list of sizes.
*** 10:58 16 Jun
"Oooh, that one's pretty," I said, then started to look around to make sure no one had heard me.
Who cares? I realized, and picked the dress off the rack. It was a light blue, and reminded me vaguely of Alice in the Disney cartoon version. And a little thought showed that if I got it maybe a size large, that it would fit anyway, because it mostly hung off the shoulders, as opposed to being tight around the waist or someplace else. Or it would be, when he was wearing it.
It was missing something, though. I had to think for a long time before I realized it needed one of those big half-slips to go underneath. And naturally, they didn't have those anywhere within sight range.
I checked the inside tag, to make sure it was the right size, and then caught sight of the PRICE tag. "SHi-" I almost said in shock.
*** 11:09 16 Jun
"It's for my niece, she's flying in this weekend, and I want to make sure she's dressed nice to go out. She's such a tomboy..." That was something my aunt had said, I think, about Amy. Susan had been something of a priss, unless there wasn't an adult watching, when she turned into a fearsome predator of unstoppable power. I'd always gotten upset watching nature documentaries, because I knew what the gazelles felt like from personal experience. Which reminded me, I should call Ellen to see how she was doing.
"Oh, aren't they all at that age?" the clerk agreed, grinning conspiratorily.
"Yeah, but it was different when I was seven," I said, and she laughed and nodded.
I was pretty sure, though, that she had no idea just HOW different...
*** 11:31 16 Jun
"Christ," I said to myself as I added up how much this had cost. "I'll have to sell his liver to get the money back." I wondered if Miz Parker would go for that. She had Stella already; one kid was enough for most couples nowadays... "Nah," I finally decided. Or at least I should ask her first.
*** 11:35 16 Jun
"Can we go to McDonald's for lunch?" Ricky suggested as I tried to make sure we wouldn't die pulling out onto the road.
Now I knew why Miz Parker had hired a sitter. She was afraid that if she had to be with Ricky all the time, she'd kill him.
On the other hand, if we went, I wouldn't have to cook...
*** 12:02 16 Jun
"It's nice," I promised. "You'll see when we get home. Unless you want me to pull it out here?" He wouldn't-
"No!" he gasped.
"See?" I said, trying to sound omniscient. "So we wait until we get home."
"Okay," he grumbled. Then he noticed the McPlayland. I could see it happen inside his brain. "Um, can I-"
"Sure," I sighed, and ZIP he was gone.
"Nrrrr, rrrr," Stella reminded me, and I went back to setting up a bottle for her. A milkshake would have been a lot easier, but I don't think that was on Stella's diet yet.
*** 13:19 16 Jun
"I feel stupid standing around in my underwear," Ricky complained.
'Everyone feels stupid standing around in their underwear' was something I didn't say. I also didn't say 'Don't you feel stupid about wearing girl's clothes and makeup yet?' What I DID say was, "Ricky, put the dress on. I didn't feel like buying you a three-pack of girl's panties just for this one time. You already owe me for the dress and shoes. And socks. And slip."
"How much?" he asked, sounding like he was just beginning to realize what a bad idea this was.
*** 13:27 16 Jun
The sick thing was, the non-haute-couture Wal-Mart clothing and shoes, a tiny bit of makeup, and the matching ribbon tied in his hair, had done a lot for him; he looked like any other girl who had been yanked out of her jeans and baseball glove and stuffed into a dress for some reason. A lot like Amy, in fact, if it was the year she'd given herself a buzz cut using the dog clippers. I almost laughed, which would have been the Wrong Thing to do.
"So now what?" he asked, eyeing himself sideways in the mirror.
I had an Idea, right then. "Well, since girls are usually the ones in charge of kids, then you can help me with Stella."
"Why?" That got his attention on me.
"Because most little girls realize that at some point in their lives, they are going to be stuck babysitting, and they might as well get it over with quickly."
"But you-"
"I wasn't smart enough." He snickered involuntarily at that. "Come on, it's not like I'll make you do anything I don't do. All you have to do is help me, okay?"
"Okay," he said doubtfully.
"Have I lied to you yet?" That you could tell, I added mentally, and crossed my fingers where he couldn't see them.
He sighed, but started out of his room without disputing me.
*** 13:59 16 Jun
One nice thing about those Mary Janes he was wearing; I could track him by sound through the parts of the house that didn't have carpet. "Stop looking at the comic books and come back in the kitchen," I called.
It was quiet for several seconds, then a slow tap-tap-tap-tap announced his return.
"How did you know I was looking at comic books?" he asked suspiciously.
"I'm developing super powers," I lied.
"Nuh uh," he disputed.
I just smiled at him.
*** 14:07 16 Jun
"That's it?" Ricky asked as he held Stella and the bottle in roughly the proper relationship. "But I've done this before."
"It's also things like heating the formula, and pouring it, and so on," I reminded him. He had the easy part. His face told me he was remembering he had the easy part. "Maybe you could try changing-"
"No!" he said emphatically.
*** 14:21 16 Jun
"Maybe I could go swimming?" he asked, leaning towards the pool, as if he might fall in. Of course, he'd have to move sideways about fifty feet, but it looked like the pull was strong enough.
I picked up the remote and checked the radar channel, and there wasn't any rain around us, so I nodded. The shoes made a ratchet-like sound as Ricky accelerated. "BUT!" I caught him within a tenth of a second, before he could get all the way out of the room.
"What?"
"If you promise to get done swimming before four thirty, I've got something else you might want to try." They'd had them on sale, and I had guessed this would come up before too long, Ricky and swimming and this phase all happening at the same time.
"What?" he said, coming closer.
Instead of answering, I reached past Stella into the Wal-Mart bag and pulled out a girl's swimsuit, one piece, white and pink tiger striped. I almost wanted to throw up, which told me it would probably be close to what he'd want.
"I saw a girl wearing that at school!" he said as he pointed at it.
"This one's new, I swear." After I said that, I telepathically beamed at him, YOU WILL NOT HAVE A FIT OVER WEARING THE SAME THING AS SOME OTHER GIRL. YOU WILL NOT.
He looked like he was fighting the telepathic command, so I beamed it harder at him, and he finally failed a will roll and shut his mouth.
"But you have to promise to get done swimming by four thirty," I reminded him, "so we can get you cleaned up before your mom or dad get home."
"Okay," he agreed, and I tossed it to him.
*** 15:36 16 Jun
The only problem was, he wanted me to swim with him. So I'd had to change into my suit too, and then I remembered that he'd want a snack eventually, so I had prepped one before we went outside.
He smiled at me as he sucked and gnawed on an orange slice.
I let myself feel clever.
*** 16:33 16 Jun
"Well, I am going to shower and wash my face," I told him, "so you can do the same thing."
"Is this more girl stuff?" he said doubtfully.
"No, this is get-all-the-makeup-off stuff. Before your parents get home?"
"Oh," he said, sounding much more impressed.
*** 17:05 16 Jun
I made sure the bag was well inside my trunk and with nothing incriminating showing before I shut it.
*** 17:38 16 Jun
"Did you have a fun day today?" Miz Parker asked Ricky.
"Yeah!" he exclaimed.
I waited to see if he was going to say any more - in which case I was going to have to silence him, and quick - but he didn't. He just grinned at both of us.
*** 18:07 16 Jun
I wondered if I should try to wait for Rachel to show me where the laundry room key was, or what. But I was hungry, and I didn't know when she'd be home. I guess I could get something to eat, like fast food or something, but then I'd have to pay for it, and despite my recent prosperity-
Come to think of it, I ought to put the cash into my savings account before it all disappeared.
*** 19:22 16 Jun
"Dad? How much do I owe you for renting all the computer equipment?"
"Debbie paid it in advance, Tuck," he told me.
"Oh."
*** 19:46 16 Jun
I still hadn't done laundry, but I'd had an idea about that, which is why I was calling Miz Parker so late.
"Hello?" she finally said.
"Miz Parker? This is Valerie, I'm sorry to call so late..."
"That's alright, Valerie. Is something wrong?"
"Well, I kind of had a favor to ask, and it's okay if you say no, I can get it done another way, it's not a big deal-"
"If it's not a big deal, then ask me already," she said, and I could hear her smiling.
"Um, well, I need to do some laundry, and it's kind of a pain competing with Mom and everyone here in the evening, so I was wondering if I could bring mine and do it tomorrow, along with all yours?"
"You're asking me if you can do our laundry for us?"
"Well, mine too," I reminded her.
An anxious several seconds of silence finally ended when she said, "Sure, that'd be fine, Valerie." I relaxed immensely. "And if you could do anything of ours, it would help." Her voice changed, and I could see her grinning as she said, "And get Ricky to help you, and don't let him tell you he doesn't know how. He knows how to pick up clothes, at least."
"Oh, sure, no problem. Do you want me to go into your room and get all your clothes too?"
"We, um... we'll have them, oh, on the bed in the morning when you get here," she said eventually.
"Great! Thank you SO much," I said, relieved.
She chuckled. "No, Valerie, thank YOU."
*** 20:37 16 Jun
So it was sort of ironic that Mom made me and Amy sort and fold laundry when she caught us having fun in my room. Amy's reflexes hadn't gone down that much, and she was a little too close to whipping me in Quake for my comfort. So it wasn't that bad.
"Psst, Tuck," Amy whispered, and I leaned close to her. "If you want, I can wash all your Valerie stuff tomorrow?"
"You'd do that?"
She shrugged. "Sure." And grinned. "If you take me out somewhere Friday."
"What?"
"I just want to go out and do something fun," she said in a normal voice.
"Um... okay, sure." Fun would be good. And this would be the rest of the 'difficult' laundry, taken care of. Must be Laundry Day in heaven or something.
*** 21:47 16 Jun
Amy was already in bed - MY bed - when I got back from the bathroom and getting ready for bed. She looked up as I opened the door, and smiled at me.
I sighed, and crawled over her to get on the dark side of the bed.
*** 21:53 16 Jun
"Tuck? Are you awake?"
"I'm trying not to be," I told Amy, but rolled over so I could look at her.
"I just wondered something," she started.
Eventually, I prompted, "What?"
"Did, did you ever try sleeping in a nightgown or something?" She tugged at hers in case I didn't know what the word meant.
"Why are you asking me this?"
"I just wondered," she shrugged. "Like, what you thought. If you liked it. Stuff like that."
I beckoned her down, and she slid into the covers until we were face to face on the pillows. "I've worn 'em before, like when I was at sleepovers with the Pack and stuff like-"
"The Pack?"
"All the girls like Jill and Kathy and Kim and Pam, and, um... did you meet Sabrina?"
"No- wait, I met her at the dance thing," she recalled. "Dark hair, kind of Jewish looking?"
"That's because she's Jewish," I informed her, and she nodded in agreement. "So, when I went to sleepovers with them, that's what I ended up wearing."
"Huh." She looked somewhere else for a minute. "So, wh- Did you like it?"
I shrugged. "It really didn't make that much of a difference."
"Oh."
That was all she said for a while. I finally asked, "Was that it?"
She shrugged, and looked uncomfortable. "I guess... I like 'em, though," she told me for no reason I could tell.
"Okay... So?"
"I don't know," she grumbled, and rolled over.
*** 21:55 16 Jun
"Amy?"
"Yeah?"
"You look nice in that one," I said, "and it's okay if you want to wear it."
She rolled back over and hugged me.
I wished, oh how I wished I had a clue as to what was going on.
*** 06:01 17 Jun
It was Tuesday, it was six in the morning, and my cousin was holding me down on the bed while she instantly went back to sleep after shutting off the alarm.
I hoped this wasn't an omen.
*** 06:12 17 Jun
"Just leave me the stuff you want me to wash," Amy said as she rubbed her eyes.
"Okay. Thanks a lot," I said as I hugged her.
"Don't forget, you said you'd take me out Friday night," she reminded me.
"I won't. Forget, I mean."
"'Kay," she agreed, and kissed me on the cheek before she let me go.
*** 07:09 17 Jun
How did I get this much dirty clothing? I wondered as I huffed two bags of laundry from Rachel's townhouse out to my car.
*** 07:33 17 Jun
"I thought you didn't drink coffee," Miz Parker mentioned.
"I didn't used to, but it's sort of growing on me," I told her.
*** 08:49 17 Jun
"Again?!"
"What?" Ricky complained.
"Nothing, nothing..." Don't make a big deal out of it, I repeated to myself. "Let me go get the stuff out of the car." Including, I realized, a whole bunch of my own laundry.
*** 09:31 17 Jun
"You're gonna do laundry all DAY?" he complained. At least he wasn't stomping his feet. I seemed to remember Susan doing that when she was dressed like Ricky was.
I told him, "It has to be done, and I ran out of stuff to babysit you in last week, remember?"
"Why don't you do it at your house?"
"Because, Ricky, I've got a sister, a brother, and a cousin living there, plus my parents, and all of them have to wash their clothes too, and it was just too much of a hassle." Hassle wasn't the word, if I had to explain to Mom the difference between, say, my bras and Amy's. "So your mom said I could do it here."
"And you want to wash clothes?"
I could understand his skepticism; however, it had been a long time since clean clothes magically appeared in my dresser and closet. "Not especially, but I do like having clean clothes to wear, and...." I pointed at the laundry baskets. "There's only one path between here and there, and it lies through the wash cycle."
"What?"
"Never mind," I sighed.
*** 11:49 17 Jun
"If you can feed Stella, then I can start cooking lunch faster," I pointed out.
He sighed, and flounced down into one of the chairs. "Okay." I carefully made the handoff of the baby, and then got the bottle for him.
"What do you want today?"
"Do I have to watch my weight?"
"....What?!"
He pointed at the dress he was wearing. "Girls always talk about their weight and having to watch it. Do I have to?"
"No," I said with complete confidence.
"Then I want ice cream for lunch," he said, also with complete confidence, and sat back in the chair, holding Stella and looking smug.
*** 11:53 17 Jun
I'd thought about arguing, but then realized that a) it was going to be a long and painful road; b) I could spend the same effort getting him to help me with the laundry instead; c) it was a little dream of his, and I might as well let it happen. But I made him promise he'd eat the healthy snack I'd fix at three, without arguing.
"Aren't you gonna have some?" he asked, pointing at the bowl he'd already made a serious dent in. So to speak.
I shook my head. "Unlike you, I DO need to watch my weight."
"Have a LITTLE bowl," he suggested.
*** 13:09 17 Jun
He'd passed out on the couch, due to the overdose of tryptophan in the ice cream. Stella had apparently agreed with her older brother and done the same thing, though she'd only had a tiny bit of ice cream along with her milk. So I was all alone, or close enough, in a quiet house.
If I didn't have five baskets of laundry, I'd feel happy about it.
*** 14:04 17 Jun
"Can I go swimming now?"
I sighed. Wretched spawn of evil... "Sure."
*** 14:41 17 Jun
Ricky came in, wearing the girl's swimsuit and a towel, and looking sad. "What's up?" I asked him, a little concerned.
He looked at me and sighed. "It was boring without you or someone else there with me."
"I'm sorry, Ricky," I said honestly. "I promised I'd do as much of the laundry as I could. We can do something more fun tomorrow."
"Promise?" he asked sadly.
"Yeah, I promise," I nodded. "Now go shower and change, and bring the swimsuit back when you change out of it, so I can dry it out."
"Why do I always have to do all this stuff?" he complained.
"Because, I help you out, so you help me out. Right?"
He sighed, and stomped off towards the stairs.
*** 14:46 17 Jun
"I guess it's fair," Ricky said, startling me.
"What?" I turned around, and he was in a - clean - T shirt and shorts. With no makeup visible.
"What you said, about helping each other out," he said.
He's just doing this to trick me, I finally thought, when I could think again.
*** 15:13 17 Jun
We were both having sandwiches for a 'snack', and Stella was busily sucking down another bottle. Well, mine was in front of me, and I'd eat it when she was finished.
"Why aren't you eating?" Ricky asked me.
"Because I need to hold Stella, remember?"
He thought about it, and finished his off. "I could hold her now, if you want, so you can eat," he offered.
I tried to remember if alien abductions ever happened in daylight in urban areas. Maybe he's having a stroke...
*** 17:39 17 Jun
"And I helped Valerie fold all the clothes, and everything!" Ricky crowed to Miz Parker.
She gave me a funny look.
*** 17:42 17 Jun
"You're not slipping him drugs, are you?" Miz Parker asked as I stuffed laundry bags - trash bags full of laundry, actually - into the back seat of my car.
When she said that, I stood up in shock, or tried to, except the roof got in the way. I danced around for a minute, conscious only of pain and the certain knowledge that anything I said that was in any way questionable would be repeated by small people who would remember who taught them the bad word.
When I could stand still, I glared at Miz Parker, who looked guilty, and snapped, "No!" It wasn't what I had wanted to say, but I made up for it in feeling.
"Valerie," she said, looking more guilty, "I didn't mean it seriously, and I REALLY didn't mean for you to- to, to hit your head like that. Are you okay?"
I felt around, and it didn't feel wet, so I guessed I was, so I nodded. "I guess so... It wasn't all the clothes, but he helped a lot," I told her.
"He's just so," she started, and then sighed. "He's responding a lot more to you, than it seems like he does to either myself or David. I guess I'm a little jealous."
"Jealous?" She nodded. "Get out!"
"No, really," she insisted. "If I'd asked him to fold even his own clothes, he would have argued until dark. And you got him to fold MORE than that?"
I shrugged, feeling a little uncomfortable. "But I don't have to tell him when to go to bed, or what we're going to watch on TV which isn't what he wants, or anything like that, either."
"Even so," she said, and smiled at me. "I love him to death, but I wish I got along with him as well as you do."
*** 18:47 17 Jun
The Laundry Day from Hell had finally ended, I figured, when I got home and found a plate in the refrigerator for me.
"Where's Amy and Suze?" I asked Mom when she heard some noise and came in to see what it was.
"They went out shopping, I think," she said. "How was your day?"
"Laundry for miles," I sighed. "How was yours?"
"You did laundry?"
"Oh, uh, yeah... well, she asked nice, and I didn't mind." Mom gave me a weird look. "Mom, she's paying me a lot of money just to babysit; I figure I should be extra-nice to her. And if laundry's that big a problem, then how come you made me do it the other night?"
"Eugene," she warned.
"Mommmmm, come on, be reasonable. You always told me that it wasn't that hard, just tedious. And it's not, and I had all day to do it too. So no big deal, right?"
"I just don't want her taking advantage of you."
"She's not, Mom. I offered. So, how was your day?" I tried again.
She got another glass of lemonade and sat down at the table as I started to eat. "Oh," she sighed. "Some people..."
*** 19:41 17 Jun
"Eugene," Dad said, and took his glasses off and rubbed his forehead. "I really hate to ask you this, so don't even think about lying."
"What?" I asked, feeling sick.
"Are you, is Amy..." He looked sick too.
"Wait," I blurted out as I caught it, "you're asking if me and Amy are having sex?"
He nodded silently.
"NO!"
"Thank the spirits," he uttered, and sagged back in his chair.
"Why, what, why-"
"Because she keeps ending up in your bed, and I just- I'm sorry, Tucker, I had to ask. What IS she doing, then?"
"I don't know!" I thought about it. "She's just, I mean, she reads, and then goes to sleep, like normal I guess. I dunno why she wants to sleep with ME so much." I shrugged helplessly.
"Is it bothering you?"
"Not.... not really. I mean, I kind of wondered myself, if she was trying to, to..." I'd managed to say it once, but I couldn't do it twice. "You know." Dad nodded. "But she's not... I mean, we wake up all curled around each other in the morning, but not like her hand in my pants or anything."
Pause.
Dad started shaking his head. "What is going on?"
"You gotta ask her, Dad, because I don't know."
He sighed. "I'd rather not, if I-" He smiled. "On the other hand, I can always ask Sarah to talk to her."
"Well, I mean, I don't mind it that much," I said. Talking with Mom in the kitchen about work was one thing; this would be something else altogether. Apparently Dad had transferred all his lecture genes to her when they got married, or something. It was to be avoided if at all possible.
He peered at me. "Do you want her to sleep with you?"
"No! I already-"
"I meant 'sleep with', Tucker, not... anything else," he got out.
I thought about it for a while. Dad, at least, had the grace to let me think in silence. Finally, I admitted, "Dad, I know it's... weird, I guess, but... I kind of like it? Is that a problem?"
He shrugged. "If you're not having a problem, and she wants it enough to come in with you every night, then I guess not."
"Is it weird?"
He chuckled. "Probably. Are you surprised, that this family is weird?"
"That reminds me, when are we gonna change our last name to 'Addams'?" I quipped.
He chuckled at that. "I'm not sure I'd want to announce it to the world like that... Well, Tucker..." He kicked back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. "I have to say, the times I travel without Sarah, I really miss having her next to me. I think you get used to it...."
He was quiet for a long time after that.
"Dad?"
"Er?" He glanced at me. "Oh. Uhhhhh, no, it's not that strange. Probably not something you'd want to tell everyone, but I can understand it."
"Okay. Um, so, do I tell Amy to expect a 'little discussion' with Mom, or not?"
"I think we can avoid that at this point," he said, to my relief.
*** 22:05 17 Jun
Amy pulled the covers around herself until I yanked enough of them back to cover me. "I dunno?"
"Come on, Amy, you're the ONLY one who knows what you're thinking," I pushed. "'Cause that's what I had to talk with Dad about tonight."
"Am I in trouble?" she asked.
I shook my head. "No, but neither of us could really figure out why you wanted to sleep with me, all of a sudden."
She sighed. "I dunno, Tuck... I just feel really comfortable around you, and, and, and it's nice."
"Yeah," I admitted.
"Does it bug you?"
"Not if that's all it is," I said, hinting...
*** 22:08 17 Jun
"Oh GROSS!" she shrieked when she finally got it.
That relieved me more than anything else she could have done. Even as she cursed me and beat me with a pillow, I felt tons better.
*** 05:41 18 Jun
I woke up alone, and was confused for a while, until I remembered.
*** 06:22 18 Jun
"How could you think that?" Amy hissed at me as I dumped milk and sugar into a mug, preparatory to adding coffee.
"What?" I wasn't thinking at all yet. "Think what?"
"Last night!"
"Oh. Um. I just couldn't figure out why you wanted to sleep in my bed with me there... I didn't really think that was it," I said quickly as her mouth opened to shriek something at me - her and Susan had the same expression right before that happened. "But I HAD to make sure." I added maybe a hundred cc's of coffee to the mug, and sipped. Just right.
"I just, I mean, I just, it's, your bed is bigger than Susan's!"
"What?"
She slumped against the counter. "I just, I mean, I get lonely at night sometimes, without Sparky," her dog, the besotted slave, "and Susan's bed is too small to sleep two." And mine was a 'full'. "And YOU're the one with the nightmares that wake up the whole house!" she pointed out.
"I haven't done that!"
"You used to, remember?"
"Well, yeah..." Not one, or several, of my fondest childhood memories.
"So you don't have them when someone else sleeps with you, remember?"
"Oh."
"'Oh'?" she shot back.
"That's a good reason!" I said apologetically, nodding and putting the mug down in case she was going to start beating on me again.
*** 07:06 18 Jun
I selected a long sundress again, because I didn't feel like wearing jeans, and I still had plenty of bruises and stuff on my legs. Having Amy over for the summer is more painful than I thought it would be, I realized.
*** 07:27 18 Jun
"You look pretty today," Miz Parker commented.
"Oh, thanks," I remembered to respond.
She turned and smiled at me. "I thought you did your laundry yesterday, so you wouldn't have to wear your nice stuff?"
"I did!" I protested.
*** 08:52 18 Jun
"You promised!" Ricky whined.
"I did promise," I admitted, despite the feeling of doom that descended on me. It was only a moderate doom, anyway. "But I have to wash the dishes before all the food dries. And dried egg is too hard to get off."
"Well, hurry!" he ordered.
*** 09:05 18 Jun
"You want to WHAT?"
"You promised!" he shot back.
"Are you out of your mind?"
"But you PROMISED!"
*** 09:44 18 Jun
"Because the mall doesn't open until ten. Everyone knows that," I told him as I pulled into the parking lot of the Goodwill store.
"I didn't know that!" he shot back, finding the logical hole in my argument a lot faster than I had anticipated.
"Well, now you do," I said, plugging the hole, deftly I thought.
*** 09:48 18 Jun
I had not been at all happy with his hair this time - there was only so much I could do with a brush, a ribbon, and some hairspray. So spying a pair of matching hats was obviously my allotment of luck for the week.
"Ssst! C'mere," I hissed as I headed for hats.
"What?" he asked nervously.
"Come HERE," I directed.
*** 09:49 18 Jun
"It's stupid!"
"It is not!" I argued.
"It is!"
I grabbed his collar, bent down to his ear, and lied shamelessly, "Who's the real girl here? Stop arguing!"
When I let go and stood back up, he was glaring at me. But silently. I motioned, and his lower lip actually extended, I saw it happen, as he grudgingly put the hat back on his head.
He looked vaguely like Minnie Pearl, with the tag hanging off. I knew better than to say that, though. "You do look nicer like that," I said sweetly, and smiled at him. He did not smile back. I didn't care. "So do you still want to look for a new dress?"
"I guess," he said, sounding about as enthusiastic as Jill would.
Could Jill be- I smacked myself in the head enough times to knock the erroneous thought out.
Ricky no longer had a sullen expression on his face as he stared at me in wonder.
"Knocking evil thoughts out," I explained, as much as I was ever going to, and his eyes got fractionally bigger.
*** 10:04 18 Jun
He came out of the dressing room, wearing the dress I'd found, and he looked good. Relatively speaking, anyway. I nodded and smiled.
"Are you sure?" he asked nervously.
"Sure, come look," I said, and guided him towards the mirror. It was a mother-daughter pair of dresses, actually, and I'd gotten mine on before he did his. They were a pale pink, with some lace froth here and there; mine had less than his did. Luckily, black shoes for him and my sandals worked okay as shoes.
*** 10:22 18 Jun
"And the hats, of course," I told the cashier, and pulled off both tags before handing them to the cashier. I'd rather not take Ricky's off unless I had to. "They are just TOO cute," I smiled at the cashier, and she smiled back.
"She looks very nice," the cashier agreed, and I had to fight the urge to turn to Ricky and yell 'I told you so!'.
*** 10:25 18 Jun
Now, I had to fight the urge to scream about prices, because two nice hats and two summer dresses for each of us had cost me about half of the other stuff at Wal-Mart.
*** 10:27 18 Jun
"You're scary," he remarked as I made sure Stella was secure in the baby seat and that the baby seat was secure in the back seat of my car.
"Ricky," I said, "you haven't even seen me get scary yet."
*** 10:42 18 Jun
I was just as glad he'd chickened out of actually going to the mall today. Still, the hat was a lucky find. It looked really nice-
"Stella's crying," Ricky announced the instant Stella began to wind up like an air raid siren, so I stopped looking at the hat and came out of the bathroom. It did look nice, though.
*** 11:16 18 Jun
"No, not even in the backyard," I said.
"Why NOT?" he said back, exasperated at how unreasonable I was being.
"Because, Ricky, girls in nice dresses like that don't get to play in the dirt, and when they do they get in trouble."
"You wouldn't get me in trouble, would you?"
"No, because I'm not going to let you wear that outside. If you want to play outside, go change."
He went. Grumbling, but he went.
*** 11:01 18 Jun
If you were looking for a description of 'incongruity', then me squatting in the backyard, playing army men with Ricky - who had changed clothes but not removed makeup nor changed his hair back to normal - in the dirt, and letting him win, whilst I was wearing a hat and sundress, had to be right up there as a classic.
He dropped a clot of mud from a height, spattering me, and I sighed as he cheered at the success of his airstrike. I just washed this... I guess I should have changed too.
*** 11:49 18 Jun
"What do girls eat?" Ricky asked as he sat at the table, holding Stella as I got the next batch of formula ready.
"What?" I asked, when I collected enough of my brain back to respond.
"What do girls eat?" he repeated.
"The same things as boys," I said slowly and clearly. "They are human beings, same as you are."
He scoffed, "Mom eats funny stuff for lunch sometimes, when she says she's getting fat, but Dad doesn't even though Mom tells him to."
I sighed. "Okay, let me explain some things to you, about how the world works..."
*** 12:03 18 Jun
"That's stupid!" Ricky asserted.
"Yep," I agreed.
"Why do girls do it, then?" he challenged me.
"Because, if you tell someone something enough times, from enough different sources, then they believe it."
"Not me!" he said confidently.
I almost, ALMOST, shot off several things about Santa Claus and other childhood icons to show him how he'd been duped just like the rest of us. I don't know how I managed to stop myself.
*** 12:33 18 Jun
"Hrmghnghghmgn!" Ricky said.
"Don't talk with your mouth full," I commented as I patted Stella on the back repeatedly.
He was right though; hamburgers had been a good idea. I hoped Stella would burp soon, so I could have mine.
*** 13:44 18 Jun
"Do I have to wear that?" he asked as I pulled out the girl's swimsuit.
"Not at all," I said cheerfully, and dropped it back in the bag.
"No, wait," he said hastily. I sighed.
*** 13:50 18 Jun
He'd decided on the boy's swimsuit, after far too much indecision. He'd finally made up his mind, after I threatened to lock the back door and not let him go swimming at all unless he decided instantly.
*** 15:36 18 Jun
It actually felt good to have Ricky twisting and pushing against my shoulders. Very, very good. Apparently I'd been all tense lately. Heh. But he was pummelling it out of me, and it felt goooood.
Of course, mentioning that this would take three dollars off what he owed me was the part he wanted out of it. I didn't care. Bribery was a skill I'd learned at an early age, both ways, and I didn't see any reason Ricky shouldn't learn it too. As long as it didn't start costing me too much.
*** 17:15 18 Jun
A freshly washed Ricky came barreling down the stairs and cannoned into me. "You are the best babysitter in the whole world!" he breathed as I tried to keep from falling through a window.
*** 17:33 18 Jun
"How did you get him to bathe?" Miz Parker asked, looking suspicious.
"I told him that was the only way I'd play army with him in the backyard, if he bathed himself into cleanliness afterward."
Her mouth made the 'ah' of understanding. "That's why your dress is spotted," she nodded. "Why didn't you wash it?"
"I... I didn't bring a change of clothes today, actually," I admitted, feeling a little dumb at having forgotten.
*** 18:26 18 Jun
"Hi guys," I said as I came in.
"I cooked tonight," Amy said back, grinning.
Brian made the suicidal mistake of retching, which excited Susan's semi-dormant psychotic instincts, and the two of them disappeared out of the kitchen.
"What did you fix?" I smiled back at Amy.
*** 18:44 18 Jun
It was a more-than-credible roast, with beets and a salad and stuff. And tremendously delicious. Amy looked happy as I stuffed my face with it.
*** 19:11 18 Jun
"Didja hear all the screaming last night?" I asked Dad when Amy went out of the room.
"She sounded upset," he agreed.
"I mentioned... what we talked about. She screamed about how perverted I was-"
"I heard that part-"
"For even considering it, and beat me for a good ten minutes," I finished. Dad opened his mouth, then closed it. "What?"
"I was going to say 'Good', but I really don't want her beating you..." he said, trailing off.
"For that particular 'no', I would've let her do it with a baseball bat, instead of just a pillow," I said.
He opened and closed his mouth a couple more times, and then Amy came back in with a glass of Kool-Aid, so Dad just nodded at me.
*** 19:28 18 Jun
"So, do you guys play cards any more?" Amy asked. I wasn't the only one to open my mouth to say something, but me and Mom were the only ones who caught the slight smirk and figured out that she was baiting us.
*** 20:13 18 Jun
Poker for six was really a good way to play; you could have some really complex interactions going on. Especially with two decks.
"Seven card stud, deuces wild," Susan announced as she riffled the cards. 'Rrrrrt thunk rrrrrrt thunk rrrrrrt thunk' went the cards. I wondered if she'd been supplementing her Child-B-Gone checks with card playing tutoring; she looked too much in practice.
There was a knock at the door, and Mom and Dad looked at me. My turn... I sighed, tossed in an ante, and got up, which was an automatic fold. At least I wouldn't have to get it next time; we rotated around the table, so Amy would be next.
I checked the peephole, and it was Sabrina and someone else who wasn't Debbie. What the... I cautiously opened the door.
"Hi?" Sabrina said, like she wasn't sure. The other person was Amanda.
"Hey, whatsup?" I asked, wondering if they'd gotten the wrong house.
"Um," Sabrina said, and swallowed. "Um, I left some messages, on your voicemail? And you never called me back, so I just wondered..."
"Oh. Sorry, I, uh, I've been kind of busy-"
"Who is it?" Dad called from the dining room.
"'Scuse me," I said to the two girls, and turned my head and called, "Sabrina and Amanda, two girls I know." About then, I realized I was being rude, and opened the door and asked, "You want to come in for a minute or something?"
"Um-" "Uh-" they said at the same time, then looked at each other. Sabrina turned back to me first. "We, we just wanted to make sure you were okay," she said hesitantly.
"I'm fine," I assured them.
Amanda spoke up, "You, you want to do something this weekend or something?"
I thought about it for a second, but it was the cries of anguish back at the table that convinced me to hurry it up. "Um, yeah, sure, did you leave your number on the voicemail?" I could get it from the Caller ID trace, but that made people nervous when I mentioned it. Sabrina nodded, so I said, "I'll call soon, okay? Promise."
"You want to go out Friday, or Saturday?" Amanda asked.
"Um..." Amy Friday, I remembered. "How about Saturday night, if you two aren't doing anything?" I looked around; no ears. "Who you want to come?"
Their eyebrows went up, all four of them.
"Darnit!" Amy shrieked as Mom cackled and Brian groaned.
"I'll call, we'll talk about it," I said.
"What are you doing in there?" Sabrina asked.
I grinned. "Poker night with the family. Wanna come in and play?"
Ellen: "I'm beginning to feel like Spider Jerusalem..." Victim: "Who?" Ellen: "BEGONE, ye peon of mass culture! Away lest you infect me!"
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