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Tuck, Tuck, Goose!
Copyright 1997 by Ellen Hayes.
No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another person or group. Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as the entirety of the work is distributed, and credit is given to the original author, me. Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes.
All rights reserved.
Furthermore, This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading this. I am not responsible. Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish, state, and country.
Tuck, Tuck, Goose!
*** 16:02 7 Jan
"Good afternoon," said Debbie in a very professional sounding voice, "and thank you for coming!"
"Now," she continued, walking around a little, "I know that Mary Kay is sort of a big joke to everybody, but they really do produce some superior products, in my opinion. And I brought my boyfriend here to prove it!" She flourished a hand at me, and I smiled. On cue.
Back to normal... or what passed for normal in my life lately.
*** 11:37 8 Jan
Sure enough, we saw Julia come swimming through the crowd, holding something in her hands. She waggled her eyebrows at us as she got closer. "Merry Christmas, you two nuts," she said, as she handed us each a box. Mine was wrapped in pink, while Debbie's was in blue. It was almost humorous. "I couldn't get out Monday, so it's a bit late." Debbie waved forgiveness at her.
When I opened mine, there was half a medallion in it, on a chain. I stared at it a minute, then looked up at Debbie when she made a delighted noise. "Julia!" she said, sounding surprised. "Thank you! Thanks a lot."
Debbie caught my eye, and held up a similar medallion, except... I pulled mine out, and they fit together perfectly, making a round coin that said "Friends Forever" across it.
It was kind of hokey, but it was kind of cool too, so when Debbie gave Julia a hug, I gave her one too. Then I slipped the chain around my neck.
"Now, just remember to be careful, you two, alright?" she admonished. "And break a leg." She bowed, and Debbie bowed back, and so I faked a curtsey. Just this once.
She laughed, and did a flourish, and walked off.
Debbie was shaking her head, and commented, "Drama people," like that explained anything at all.
*** 11:43 8 Jan
"Just wait a minute," I hissed as I typed. Mike and Dan watched over my shoulder, hopefully keeping a lookout.
Oh, yes! "It's still there, and...." Bing-o! "It's got a few new passwords in it." I pulled out a sheet of paper and wrote them down for study. "I love assembly language."
"Didja get it?" asked Dan in a whisper.
"Four new passwords," I said back, "one of which has to be the new admin password for the network. I, uh, left a present on this one before Christmas break in case they switched passwords, so they had to use this one." I rubbed my hands in glee. The network will be mine again!
*** 21:38 8 Jan
WELCOME TO THE BLACK NETWORK said the screen. I cackled in glee. "YESyesyesyes, now I have it, now I can replace the foul Manshoon, ahahaha, world domination is merely a few steps away!"
It had taken a lot of trading to get the same netware software that the school used, but it made hacking their system so much easier. I could test things at home, and get them working before I attacked the actual school computers.
*** 11:41 9 Jan
They stared at the listing of all the processes on all the computers. I just looked cool. Or tried to.
"Christ, Tuck, how do you do that?" asked Dan quietly.
I shrugged, looked at my fingernails, and stated, "Just natural talent." I had to avoid doing a Evil Laugh, because that might give it away. It was a strain.
*** 11:51 10 Jan
"You know, Tucker, we were having a party next Saturday night," Jill mentioned with a too-casual air. "Just a little get-together at Sabrina's house."
"So?" Not like I was suspicious or anything. Haha.
"Well, we were wondering if you'd like to come?"
"Who's we?"
"You know, me and Kim and Sab and Pam and Kathy, and Debbie."
"Anyone else coming?"
She shrugged. "Did you have someone in mind?"
"Oh, come on, Tuck," chimed Kim, "it'd be fun. Just bring your indominitable self." I had a feeling that wasn't the right word.
"So what's the catch?"
They all looked way too innocent after that last question.
*** 07:54 13 Jan
"Hey, Tuck! Guess what?"
"Whatsup, Debbie?" I asked her as she came up to me and the guys.
"My mom's working Friday night!"
She seemed a little too excited at the thought of her mom working overtime. "Um," I said cautiously, "forgive me for being stupid, but, so?"
She waggled her eyebrows, and when that didn't produce any lightbulbs, leaned up next to my ear and whispered, "Sleepover."
I thought about it real hard for a few seconds, but the lure of being alone with Debbie for a whole night again was too much. I grinned, and high-fived her.
"What?" asked Mike irritably.
*** 11:41 13 Jan
"Pleassssseeeeee!" they all begged, in chorus.
"Oh, no...." I just couldn't.
"We'll be nice!" Sabrina promised. "Please, Tuck, we want to see you!"
"How about I just come over like normal?" I countered.
"'Cause my parents would freak," she said.
I pointed out, "If you think they'd freak over that, just think about how bad they'd freak if-"
"But nobody'll know!" Debbie said. "Nobody else has figured it out yet!"
*** 15:32 17 Jan
"One of these days, Tuck, you are going to regret doing this. You really are."
I thought about it as I hoisted the luggage, then shot back, "Yeah, maybe, Mike, but I'm not gonna regret it until after tonight."
"And don't forget where that A-plus paper came from," reminded Debbie.
Mike just rolled his eyes. But he opened the door for us.
*** 15:49 17 Jan
"Oh, Tuuuuuuckerrrrr," Debbie called as she got back from her trip to the bathroom.
"Huh?" I put down the Computer Gamer that I was looking at, and looked up at her. Something was wrong....
"Take a look," she said, and shut the door. When she turned around again, she pulled her shirt up to her neck.
Where I distinctly remembered her having the standard two breasts, she was now sporting four, arranged in a square.
"Aaaaaahhh!" I screamed. "Whatthehellisthat!?"
*** 15:50 17 Jan
"And this glue'll come off the same way as the stuff on my head, right?"
"Right," she affirmed as she glued the fake breasts to my chest. "In fact, it's not that good a glue, so you ought to wear a bra, or they might just fall completely off."
The mental picture of that was enough to make me laugh so hard I fell off the bed. "AhAHAHAa, I've heard of droopy boobs, but-" made Debbie crack up too.
*** 15:57 17 Jan
"Oh boy," I said when I saw the dress. It was dark pink again, out of something which was hopefully going to be thicker and warmer than satin. It had puffed out sleeves, which wouldn't go down to my elbows, and this sexy slit in the back of the skirt. "Why don't you ever wear things like that?"
She grinned. "I do. When you dress up, I do too."
"But," I said after a pause, "wouldn't you like to look even more beautiful just for your own sake?"
"Wouldn't you?" she shot back.
I just groaned at her.
*** 16:08 17 Jan
"What do you mean, I can't wear flats with this?"
"You can't wear black shoes with that dress, sweetie." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
I growled. "How about I wear your dress instead?" It looked dark, at least.
She gave me the eye. "If you really want to...."
*** 16:16 17 Jan
"Want to" wasn't the word, but at least I could wear flats with this one.
On the other hand, somehow, I'd ended up with something that had a shorter skirt on it. On the gripping hand, she'd brought tights, which should keep me warmer. Now I was in a black cocktail dress, with white lace trim and leggings, and gold buttons going all the way down. Like all of Debbie's dresses, it was curvy, and of course I was wearing enough structural reinforcement to give me the proper shape to fill it out. Argh. She'd gotten some gold hoops which, thankfully, got clipped on instead of glued. I'd seen the bracelets and necklace before, at Christmas. But, flat shoes, thank God.
I looked at myself in the mirror, and it was weird to see everything without the hair being styled or makeup on. I had, I decided, been doing this sort of thing entirely too much. And those fake boobs felt weird. They... bounced. Eeeuygh.
Debbie looked over my shoulder into the mirror. "Well, you look beautiful," she crooned into my ear. Then she licked it until I couldn't stand it any more.
*** 16:19 17 Jan
"Your hair's almost long enough we don't need a wig," Debbie commented as she styled the blonde lengths into something "cute". Her word, not mine.
"Is that why you've been growing your hair out?" asked Mike.
I just looked at him from under the brush and wig. "Need I mention it was Debbie's idea?"
"But it's such nice hair," she told me. Mike just smirked.
*** 16:28 17 Jan
"Well?" Debbie asked Mike.
"There's something really wrong with this picture, Debbie," Mike said, looking at me. Debbie's face went upset. He went on, "He looks like a geek most of the time. This is, it's unnatural."
"What's wrong with it?!" asked Debbie, waving her hands in irritation.
"Nothing's wrong with her, if she was a girl. Which Tuck is not, last time I saw him whizzing in the guy's room, and that's what makes it unnatural." He shook his head. "It must be a gift or something."
"Curse," I said glumly, thinking of the last time I'd done this.
"Tuck!" protested Debbie. Then she got this Sunday-schooteacher look on her face and said in this pinched voice, "We must all use all our given talents, not hide them under a bushel."
"You," Mike pointed at Debbie, "have talent. This," pointing at me, "is a mutation."
"Hey!" we both protested. "Are you calling my boyfriend a mutant?" Debbie asked mock-dangerously.
He just proffered me.
I blew him a kiss, then reached over and gave Debbie a real one. When I let go, Mike was shaking his head. "You two perverts are disgusting. Get outta here before my parents get home."
"Thanks Mike," I said, hitting him on the shoulder.
"Thank me with that CD you promised."
*** 16:54 17 Jan
"Take deep breaths. No sweat," she coached me as we approached her front door.
"No sweat," I panted.
"Hi Mom!" she called as she unlocked and opened the front door.
"Hey kids, how's it going?" Helen asked, sitting in one of those one-piece short-and-shirt things, with her hair in a ponytail. She almost didn't look old enough to be Debbie's mom.
"Pretty good!" answered Debbie enthusiastically. I found myself nodding. And letting out the breath I was holding.
*** 17:12 17 Jan
"She's in the shower," Debbie told me, unnecessarily, as I could hear the water through the pipes as well as she could.
I just had time to put my arms around her as she got up on my lap and we started practicing for tonight.
*** 17:19 17 Jan
"Short shower," I complained.
Debbie sighed as she got off my lap, then grimaced and pointed at my face. "Your lipstick is all fucked up."
I grinned at her. "So's yours."
She shook her head. "So we better fix it before Mom figures out we've been playing pattycake."
She had a point.
*** 17:41 17 Jan
"You girls ready?" she asked, coming out of the back hallway. She was dressed nice again, like Debbie and I were. We'd fixed our faces, too.
"Yep," said Debbie, and we got up off the couch and grabbed our coats.
"You look nice again, Miz, um, Helen." I'd forgotten, almost.
She smiled at me. "Thank you, Valerie. You two look good, too."
Debbie sighed theatrically, and lied, "Well, then I guess you two will get all the attention, while I wait for my boyfriend to get over his Christmas toys." Helen laughed at that, and so did I. Probably for different reasons.
*** 17:53 17 Jan
"Did you see the boots he got her?" asked Helen.
I nodded, having picked them out myself. "Yeah." I glanced at Debbie, and mentioned, "He never used to do things like that while I was dating him." Debbie winked at me.
*** 18:16 17 Jan
"...So then, he has the gall to ask me if I'm single!" Helen motioned to the heavens with her fork, which was thankfully unloaded.
"Was he cute?" asked Debbie, trying to hide her grin behind a roll. I snorted.
Helen shook her head, but she was smiling too. "I don't date people I just wrote tickets for. It's a bad first impression."
"Well, you know, you didn't have to give him a ticket," I pointed out. "Then it might be a good first impression." Debbie's eyes bugged out at me when I said that.
"You do have a point," Helen sighed.
Debbie shook her head to clear it, and asked, "So what did he do?"
"Seventy in a forty-five zone," came the instant reply.
Debbie gave a thumbs-down. "Leave that one, mom, his dick's too big for his brain."
I almost snorted a chunk of meatloaf across the table. Helen just laughed and laughed.
*** 19:22 17 Jan
"You seem to be having fun," Debbie mentioned as we repaired meal damage to our respective makeup.
I shrugged. "I like your mom. She's, fun. Not like my mom."
Debbie made a face. "Your mom's okay, she's just..."
"Mundane," I finally supplied.
"Yeah." She motioned over to the stalls. "Cops don't stay normal. They get weird. See too much."
I nodded. "I'm beginning to understand that, myself." Debbie just rolled her eyes at me.
*** 19:29 17 Jan
"Well, what's next?" asked Debbie.
Helen scratched her head. "I can't decide whether to stay out and do something else, or go home and take a nap," she admitted. "It's been a hard week."
Debbie looked at me, I looked back, Helen looked off at the streetlights, I think.
Long pause.
"Ice cream," said Helen.
Debbie and I looked at each other. "Sounds good to us!" enthused Debbie.
*** 19:34 17 Jan
I coughed up some cash for two double scoops after Debbie nudged me. It was the least I could do. Debbie apparently had the same opinion.
*** 19:41 17 Jan
"So are you seeing anyone lately?" I tossed back at Helen. I was tired of not getting my licks in, and had figured that I could ask the same questions she did. Besides, she probably didn't get panicky every time the subject came up.
She rolled her eyes at the ceiling, and took another spoonful of Ultimate Chocolate. "No, not right now. It's kind of hard to date when I'm so busy. We're understaffed at the department, and..." She shrugged. "Overtime's money. What can I say?"
"Well, Mom," Debbie drawled, "we'll just have to work on getting you out more!"
I think I went white when she said that, because I don't think the "we" was rhetorical.
They missed it, though. Helen snickered, and remarked, "Debbie, if I was that interested in dating high schoolers, I'd be picking you up from school so I could check 'em out." I had to snort at that - it was too funny to think about.
"Well, we could always go hit the," she switched to a whine, "'Grown-up' places." Debbie licked her cone. "Then you just let me get to work, and I'll find you someone."
Helen snorted. "Deborah Carstairs, Sales Goddess. Thanks, hon, but I can pimp myself." We all laughed at that. And laughed, and laughed. And when a couple of college age guys at the next table looked at us strange, we laughed harder.
*** 19:46 17 Jan
"Hey Mom!" Debbie called from the counter. We both looked up. She pointed at the guy at the counter, and said, "This one's single! And he has a job!" She flourished at the counter-guy in question.
The guy blushed Simply Strawberry, Helen put her head down on the table, and I just stared.
"She's cute, eh?" I heard Debbie tell the guy before Helen got up to "have a talk" with Debbie. I recognized the body language.
*** 19:47 17 Jan
"You'll have to forgive her, she's not quite the same since her medication ran out," I told the guy. I was getting the take-home for them while Helen had a talk with Debbie outside. Erk.
He shrugged, packing some Ultimate Chocolate into a quart package. When he stood up, though, he had this kind of smirk on the face. He leaned over, and said quietly, "Tell the truth, she is kind of cute. I just couldn't stand having the other one as a step-daughter."
After I stood there, mouth hanging open, a sufficiently long time for him to finish packing the ice cream and ring it up, he caught my eye again, and told me, "And don't tell either of them that."
I shook my head mutely, then dug in my purse to get cash and cover my embarrassment. "She's not that bad, normally, really...."
*** 19:49 17 Jan
Debbie was sulking in the car, which kind of dampened the mood. A lot. I was starting to feel really uncomfortable.
What I couldn't believe, though, was what finally slipped out of my mouth. "He did think you were cute, though."
As I tried futilely to stop anything else from coming out by stuffing my hand into my mouth - the damage had already been done - Debbie snapped around to stare at me, wide-eyed.
Silence reigned in the car for another ten seconds, then Helen started to splutter. She did a quick right onto a side street and stopped, and I thought I was seriously gonna get it.
Instead, Helen just let loose with howls of laughter, real Comedy Channel stuff. Debbie and I started some induced giggling, and watching each other made it funnier, of course. I was glad Helen had pulled over when she started banging the steering wheel.
*** 23:18 17 Jan
"Debbie?" I started.
"Hmm?"
"I think your mom's not going to be coming home any time soon. Can we just get right to the, um..." I sort of lost my nerve then, as she looked at me, and raised her eyebrows and started to grin.
"You mean like, not finish out the movie, just go in my bedroom and fuck?" I think she was trying to shake my nerve. It worked.
"Um, I, uh..." I had no idea what to say, so finally I stopped gibbering and just looked at my shoes. A little tiny "Yeah?" finally wandered out of my mouth when I wasn't watching.
"Oh, well, then, if that's what you want, come on." She stood up, and offered me a hand.
"Are you serious?" I couldn't believe it.
She made a face, and asked, "Do I look serious?"
"How the hell would I know? You always look serious. Except when you don't. Which don't have any connection to how you feel at the time."
She took pity on me then, 'cause she said, "Well, I'm serious, and I'm seriously horny, so let's go, huh?" She waved her hand towards my face, and I finally took it and got up.
*** 23:22 17 Jan
"Dancing? Again?" I complained.
"It gets me going, warms me up, opens up my senses." She looked at me questioningly.
"Ah," I said intelligently. Then I asked, "Would you like to dance, miss?" She grinned. And nodded, and took me around in a 360. Leading, of course.
*** 00:04 18 Jan
The dance had lasted a long time, but it was finally reaching the crescendo. Far too soon for everything but my poor tired muscles.
God, she was beautiful when she was making love.
*** 00:13 18 Jan
"Debbie?"
She finally replied, "Mmmmmm?"
Daringly, I took her hand and guided it down to what I wanted her to know about. She felt around, then looked at me, a little surprised, and I hoped a little impressed. "Again?"
"I-if you, uh, wanna?" I wasn't sure at all about how to do this, despite years of listening to locker room advice.
She smiled, shaking her head. When she looked back up at me, she touched my face, and told me, "You're just fantastic, did you know that?"
*** 00:21 18 Jan
She pulled me against her in one last burst of energy, and arched her back enough to lift us both off the bed. And screamed, long and hard and deep.
She was, if possible, more beautiful than the last time.
*** 00:25 18 Jan
"Now you want more?" I teased her.
She mutely ran her fingers across my more sensitive areas, trying to get me to respond again.
"Debbie," I told her gently, "I think it needs a long nap. You tired it out." She smiled, lowering her eyes.
When she looked back up, she was uncertain about something. "Could I ask you to do something?"
"You can always ask," I said gallantly. Then I thought about it, and added, "and I'll probably do it too, based on past history." I shrugged - this was not the place or time to be bitter. "So, what did you want me to do?"
She looked down again, biting her lip. She looked so cute when she acted like a normal girl her age.
*** 00:31 18 Jan
I wouldn't be able to say what she tasted like, exactly, but I knew I liked it. A lot. So did she, judging by the way she was writhing. There was one, just one, piece of advice on technique I'd picked up in the locker room which seemed to be working. Instead of letting her grab my head, I'd held her hands, and used the force of her pulls to tell me how hard to do things. As a result, I could almost breathe enough, which I didn't think I would have been able to do if she was stuffing me down as hard as she was pulling at my hands.
The only regret was, I couldn't see her face. She always looked her most beautiful when she was making noises like that.
*** 00:41 18 Jan
"Ohhhhhh," she moaned happily as I helped her into the shower. she wouldn't let go of me for more than a moment, either. And she kept smiling at me, and stroking me, and kissing me.
Not that I minded.
*** 00:57 18 Jan
She wrapped her arm around my waist, and pressed up tight against me. I couldn't stop smiling. Especially when she started to snore, just the teeniest bit.
*** 09:19 18 Jan
I woke up, thinking something was different. When I opened my eyes, and saw Debbie's sleeping face next to mine, I knew what it was.
What a glorious day, I thought, insanely happy.
*** 09:21 18 Jan
My watching her must've made some connection in her brain, because she opened her eyes. She blinked a couple of times in astonishment, then I saw her pupils shrink. And she smiled, the same kind of smile that was on my face. My heart skipped a beat.
"Good morning, lover," she mumbled, and snuggled up close, slipping her arm under my neck. I nestled against her breasts, amazed that her skin could smell so distinctive without any perfume.
We stayed like that for not long enough. The entire weekend wouldn't have been long enough.
*** 09:36 18 Jan
She gave me a kiss as we traded occupancy of the bathroom.
*** 09:39 18 Jan
"Well, what now?"
"I think I'm hungry," she mentioned apologetically.
I grinned at her. "I think I have an idea."
*** 09:44 18 Jan
"Onions, and cheese, and- oh, lunch ham, this is great. Do you have any mushrooms?" Debbie shrugged, and started to look. "Wait, is that bacon?"
"What does it look like?" she asked me.
*** 09:57 18 Jan
"What is that smell?" a friendly voice asked from behind us.
"Valerie offered to cook breakfast, Mom! Isn't that cool?" I wondered how Debbie could be so calm when we'd almost got caught swapping spit in a serious way. But there she was, feeding bread into the toaster, like nothing happened. What a woman.
Trying to emulate Debbie's cool, I asked Helen, "How would you like your omelette?"
Helen just leaned against the doorframe, and grinned.
*** 10:34 18 Jan
Helen commented, "That was fantastic, Valerie. Where did you learn to cook like that?"
I shrugged, grinning. "I cooked a little for my aunt when I went to visit them one summer. Like every day. She said I needed to learn how." She'd said even a bachelor should learn how to cook, and that it would also impress the ladies. This was the first time I'd tried it. It seemed to be impressing the ladies.
"Well, next time you see her, thank her for me." I nodded. I sure as hell would! Debbie nudged me under the table, and when I looked at her, she was grinning. Helen added, "I didn't think anything would wake me up before five, but I just couldn't resist that smell..."
Cooking bacon - the best alarm clock ever discovered.
*** 11:26 18 Jan
"Debbie, can I wear something normal today?"
She gave me a look. "You always wear something normal, Valerie."
"Oh, please," I disputed.
We glared at each other for a while. "At least let me help choose," I submitted.
"Okay," she allowed.
*** 11:34 18 Jan
If it wasn't for her skirt fetish, I would have felt better. She also kept picking stuff that I just knew was going to be too cold, but at least I could argue that.
What we finally ended up deciding on was a long blue denim skirt, my flats, a white blouse that looked like an effeminate tuxedo shirt, and the same leather jacket that had kept popping up over Christmas break. And, no lie, a petticoat, except Debbie claimed it was a skirt she wore in summertime too. All of it with ruffles, except the leather jacket.
"You've got to be kidding!"
"Hey, you're the one that wanted warm," she retorted. "And the more layers you have, the warmer you'll be." I hated it when she was right like that.
*** 11:49 18 Jan
"So could you help me out on buying some of the clothes today? Cashwise?" she asked as she switched lanes. She didn't drive quite like her mom, at least.
"Why?" I had this sort of philosophical objection to buying women's clothes to wear for myself.
She sighed, and shook her head. "Because, I have to keep buying some stuff for you that I don't wear, so my mom won't get suspicious seeing you only in my clothes."
"But-"
She stroked the inside of my leg, through the skirts, but I could still feel it. "But, wouldn't you like to come over more?" she purred.
"Nnnn. Debbie, that's not fair!"
She crinkled her eyebrows. "And your point is?"
I sighed. "Can I at least help pick out what I'm going to be wearing?"
"Well, sure!" she said, like it was the most natural thing in the world. "I wouldn't have it any other way." Lie, big lie.
On the other hand, when she cupped her hand and ran it up along my leg, I had a hard time thinking of anything, much less telling her off.
*** 14:37 18 Jan
"God, I just don't-" I was saying as we turned the corner and I ran into somebody. "Oof!" And dropped everything, of course. "Oh, hell," I remarked as I bent down.
The guy I ran into bent down too, but as I looked up at him, I realized that it was Dan-the-Man, staring back at me. He looked about like I felt, like he'd just seen a rhino, and we both yanked violently away from each other, landing on our butts on the floor. Before he could shout anything incriminating, like he was going to do, a hand shot over his mouth. I looked up, and there was Mike and George.
"Valerie!" said Mike desperately, as he and George held Dan down. "Good to see you again!" Dan was pointing at me frantically, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Shut the fuck up, Dan," Mike told him.
"Hey guys!" said Debbie. I looked over at her, and she had the grin on her face that said this could be turned to her advantage. I relaxed, a tiny bit. If anyone could get me out of this, it would be Debbie. "Anyone up for lunch?"
*** 14:43 18 Jan
"You did WHAT?!" Dan almost screamed.
"Shut UP Dan!" everyone chorused urgently back at him.
"But-"
"Dan, please, no one has to die over this," Debbie said, with true menace. "If," she added, "you keep your mouth shut and listen. Otherwise we all get pasted, and I for one will make damn sure that you go down the tubes with the rest of us."
That seemed to work on him. At least, he put his hand over his mouth and motioned for us to go on.
We couldn't, though, because the waiter got there, and we had to order drinks. My mouth, for one, was remarkably dry. Something to do with terror, I think.
*** 14:45 18 Jan
"So what are you doing this morning?" Dan asked finally.
"She spent the night over last night," said Debbie slyly. Dan looked at her, then looked at me. I gave him a 90210 smile.
"And you two..." he said faintly.
"Most of the night," I admitted modestly. Debbie patted my arm.
"Oh my God," Dan said reverently. George looked at Dan for a second, then ostentatiously crossed himself and started praying to the ceiling.
Debbie remarked, "That's what accounts for that little glow she's got this morning." She nudged me under the table, and I nudged her back. We giggled at each other.
"And your mom-"
"Works nights," replied Debbie, "but sometimes she checks on me, and of course, like this, we can sleep in the next morning, too." She gave me another nudge. "Valerie fixed breakfast for everyone this morning, and Mom said it was one of the best omelettes she'd ever had."
Dan just stared. I wondered if Debbie had one of Lisa's spare Valiums around. He looked like he could use one.
Mike asked, "So what are you two doing this afternoon here at the mall?"
Debbie gave him a "boy are you a complete moron" look. "Buying clothes!"
"For who?" asked George.
Debbie fluttered her eyelashes at him, and replied, "Well, I am buying for two these days, you know."
The guys groaned, but I had a horrid flash after a second. "Debbie," I whispered urgently into her ear, "you're not, um, pregnant, are you?"
She turned the moronic look on me. "No!" she said sharply. I slumped in my seat, relieved beyond words. She probably would have made me marry her. In a wedding dress.
"So what did you two pick out?" asked George mock-nicely. Nobody else seemed to have caught my panic, which I guess was a good thing.
"Oh, what we got was..."
*** 14:53 18 Jan
"Nachos again?" asked George.
I shrugged. "So what?"
George looked at Mike. Mike caught on. They grinned at each other.
"What?" I hadn't caught on, except that it was something pointed at me.
"Oh, nothing," said Mike casually.
"Nothing," agreed George.
I leaned over to Debbie and whispered in her ear, "When are you going to do the same thing to them that you did to me?"
"When I get enough of a hold on them to make them do it," she whispered back. "I'm working on it. Except, of course, they won't be sleeping over at my place..."
We smiled at them. They smiled at me.
Dan asked, "What?"
"Nothing!" everyone chorused.
*** 15:38 18 Jan
"We'll be right back," said Debbie, in that tone that said we were going to the women's room. Again.
"Are you going-" Dan said in shock, but Mike must've kicked him, because he shut up, and Mike began speaking into Dan's ear. Hopefully explaining the facts of life to him.
*** 15:42 18 Jan
This standing over a sink and futzing with my face was becoming entirely too common a feature in my life. Mike was right. The jerk.
I shook my head. "I can't believe I ran into him here. Shit."
Debbie made a face, one not necessary to apply makeup. "What's the big deal? He's one of your little evil buds, he'll keep his mouth shut."
"Oh, God, I hope so, but, I mean, what if he doesn't?"
She shrugged. "Then we kill him and hide the body."
"For real?" It would solve a lot...
She snorted. "No. We just play the Reagan game, deny deny deny." She turned and winked at me. "Besides, as far as they know, you've only been doing it with me, and I'd tell everyone exactly what they should hear." She turned back to the mirror. "Then we destroy him, if necessary."
I was so glad Debbie was on my side.
*** 15:46 18 Jan
"Oh, Valerie, you look so much better," commented Mike snidely. George did his Beavis laugh, Dan just stared.
I shrugged at Dan, and asked, "Well, what else am I supposed to do?" Ignore Mike, for one, but I was already doing that.
Dan just shook his head, like he was trying to shake the insanity loose.
"So, what next?" asked George.
Debbie shrugged. "I dunno, what did you have in mind? What were you guys doing anyway, today?"
George said, "Come to the mall, poke around, watch babes, drool, you know." Debbie snorted.
"Keep these two out of trouble," added Mike. He had a girlfriend, currently. Tina. The one I had dated, a while ago. I was glad they weren't together today, but I think the reason was, he was realizing, slowly, that she was a right royal pain in the ass, even if she was cute. I mean, anyone that would date any of us had to be kind of a social reject. I glanced at Debbie. Or purest evil, I thought. But there's social rejects and then there's social rejects. Tina was one of those who treated dating like buying mutual funds - the highest return for the least risk and investment on her part. I wished her luck, all of it bad.
Mike asked the reasonable question, "Why?"
"We got some time to kill," said Debbie.
"Before what?" asked George.
As usual, nobody had told me what was going on either. "Yeah, before what?" I asked.
She leaned over and told me in my ear.
"Oh, no, not- oh, no, this is too far," I started off, waving my hands and leaning away and doing all the things that never worked when Debbie got one of her ideas. "Not that!"
"Not what?" the guys all asked.
"Oh, come on," Debbie pleaded, "it'll be fun!"
"Noooooo!"
*** 16:07 18 Jan
"Well, there's always a movie," suggested George.
We all shrugged.
"Which one?" Mike asked eventually.
*** 16:12 18 Jan
"I hate things like that!"
"Well, do you have any better ideas?"
*** 16:17 18 Jan
"Two please," said Debbie. She turned to me as the tickets popped out, and mentioned, "I still owe you some for Thursday."
*** 18:17 18 Jan
"Oh, jeez, my eyes hurt," I complained.
"My butt hurts," complained Mike.
Debbie just stretched, touching her toes. God, she was sexy when she did that. And she was mine, all mine...
*** 18:22 18 Jan
"Hasn't anyone figured out how to make this stuff longer wearing or something?" I complained as I reapplied lipstick for what felt like the fortieth time today.
She shrugged. "Supposedly it works longer than it used to, but it's almost impossible to compare." She glanced at me. "It goes bad after a few years."
*** 18:26 18 Jan
"So, what now?" asked Mike. Dan seemed to be getting used to the idea that I was almost the same, but not to call me Tucker. I could see that it might take getting used to, although it seemed to me that I looked different enough like this, that it shouldn't be hard to remember.
George, wonder of wonders, was talking to this girl elsewhere in the lobby, and we were leaving him alone. We didn't want to scare her off with a flock of geeks, all at once. Although, looking around, the boy-girl ratio looked almost balanced...
"Well," sighed Debbie, "we really ought to get going so we can, uh, get where we have to go."
"Do we have to?" I asked.
"Stop whining."
"I'm NOT whining, I just don't want to-"
She gave me a look which stopped me in mid-sentence. "Please?" she asked simply. I watched her for a minute, and her sincere expression didn't change.
I sighed deeply, and wished that things were different, but I couldn't resist her when she did that. "Okay," I surrendered.
"What?" asked Mike.
"Nothing!" we both snapped. I gave him the handsign for later and hoped he would take the hint.
"Oh, I gotta make a phone call first," Debbie said, distracted, and wandered off to the pay phones.
"Me too." I oughta leave a message for my folks. "Be right back."
"It's bad enough when a guy talks down to you on a technical subject because you look like a woman. It's much, much worse when a fellow T* talks down to you on a technical subject because you look like a woman."
TS Tip #10: Under no circumstances should you wear black lip liner. This is a myth perpetuated by a certain individual who is secretly marking all the stupid TV's for later capture and retrieval.
"Tallyho!" \ / @>--,--'-- ehayes@nym.alias.net + vicki .sig Ellen Hayes --=()=()=-- Renaissance Woman ==[-------- + virus 9.1a
http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Heights/5734/
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