Paradise - Chapter 10
Usual Disclaimer Applies!
Also. I would like to thank you all for reading and enjoying my stories. If you'd like to email me, please do so: thefuturecanadian@yahoo.ca or join the yahoo group: http://ca.groups.yahoo.com/group/futurecanadiansgroup. Enjoy!
David :)
Paradise Chapter 10 "Choices, Part I" (A.K.A. "Heavy on My Heart")
JD fell to the ground after the last shot pierced the side of his body. His head hit the pavement as blood ran from his wounds. It seemed like a lifetime passed as Lindsay and Jen applied pressure to the area where the second bullet entered his body. It was, after all, the major of the three wounds. Tyler was on his right side, tightly gripping his hand as he cried, begging JD to be strong for a little while, until they could get him to the hospital. JD remembered seeing Tyler remove his shirt to give to them the girls to use to apply pressure. In the distance, he could his mother's wails as she tried to get out of her car and run to her baby's side.
He remembered blinking a couple of times and the feeling that his chest was getting heavy. He could consciously feel his heartbeat slowing as it became harder and harder to breathe. He blinked once more, opening his yes to see Tyler crying so hard and Lindsay still in a state of shock as she tired to stop the bleeding. But his eyelids became heavy, and with what he thought was a blink was actually his eyes shutting as he faced the blue sky. He felt his final breath and his heart stopping. He could feel as Tyler pinch his nose and start breathing into his lungs. Tyler stopped for a second and started pushing his chest.
He felt himself slipping from his body as his spirit was transported someplace other than that hot dark pavement. He was still aware of the pain that had infected his body, but it was like a memory, or something academic. With that, he took a deep breath and opened his eyes.
All around him, his world was white. There was nothing there, but everything, all at once. There was pain, but nothing on his body hurt. There was no emotion, but every emotion at the same time. This place seemed to be a place where contradiction met clarity, where fantasy joined freely with reality.
"Hello?" he called out. His voice was strong and confident as it seemed to be absorbed into the white... essence... around him.
He waited for a moment, but there was no answer to his call. It was as if he knew that people could hear him, but none of them were responding. He took a few steps forward and shouted out again, but there was no answer. A third time he called out, and when no response came, he began to realize, to feel, that he was no longer alive. Not just his spirit, but his entire life had fallen from that body into a world that he couldn't explain in his finite mind.
As he was about to give up, a cloud began to gather in front of him. It spun around a few times until it began to take a form that he could more easily relate to.
"Gramps!" he shouted as he ran toward the apparition's open arms.
"JD!" the man said as he seemed happy, yet surprised to see him.
"I'm so glad you're here, Gramps. I'm so scared," JD said, honestly.
"Never fear, Kid. I am here with you. There's nothing to worry about," the apparition said in the calming, soothing voice that JD always associated with the burly, perverted old man that was his grandfather.
"Where am I? Am I..." JD asked, unable to bring himself to say the last part of that phrase.
"You're not dead...yet. You're between lives right now. This is the place you go while you wait to accept your fate," Gramps answered.
"So this is heaven? Hell?" JD asked.
"Not exactly, but soft of," Gramps answered, cryptically.
"So what do we do? What do I do?" JD further questioned.
"We wait."
"On what?" JD asked.
"The answer."
"To what?"
"The question."
"Gramps. You're not making any sense," JD responded.
"You will understand," the man said with a smile. "Would you like to sit with me for a while?" he asked lifting his arm to guide JD's sight to his left, where a table with several chairs had emerged. They hadn't been there a moment before, JD was sure of it. But then again, this place was filled with mystery and contradiction that JD couldn't understand.
Together, the two men walked toward the table and took a seat. JD leaned back in the chair and felt himself taking a breath. It seemed unnessary in that place, but he did it anyway.
"So how are the Sox doing this season?" Gramps asked.
"To be honest, Gramps," JD started, "I have no idea. I haven't had a lot of time to watch them this season. So many things have been going on since March that I haven't given myself enough time to just sit and watch them."
"That's a shame," Gramps said. "I was hoping that, in the season after my passing, that they might go on to win the whole series again."
"Maybe that's why I didn't let myself watch them much, because it was always something that we did together," JD said.
"It could be, or it could be that...person...that you were dating. Paul. I remember, when I was alive, I couldn't stand the way that he treated you. I used to upset me so much when he would talk to you the way that he did and then you would just take it because you were blind with...love...for him," Gramps answered. "It wasn't until I got here that I began to understand him a little bit better."
"What are you talking about?" JD asked.
"Paul is...going to be here sooner than he thinks," Gramps answered.
"He's sick?" JD inquired.
"Yeah," Gramps said as JD sat back.
"Why didn't he tell me?" JD thought.
"He would rather you be angry with him and move on than wash yourself away mourning for him when he did pass," Gramps answered.
JD felt himself swelling inside. His actions, all the cheating, all the words, all the hurt that he'd gone through was all actually a way for Paul to protect him from the pain and the hurt. Suddenly, all the anger he felt toward Paul became unjustified in so many ways. He felt bad for Paul; he felt guilty; he became unsure of it all.
"But you did meet Tyler," Gramps pointed out. "Tyler was really the one that you were supposed to meet. He was the one that you were supposed to be with. He was the one that you were supposed to feel true, deep, real love for...like what I felt for your Nana or what your Dad feels for your Mom."
"I hate to think that he's going to hurt because of me," JD said as he looked away.
"Nothing's set in stone, JD. You still have choices," Gramps answered.
JD didn't argue; he didn't question his grandfather's words. He just sat there, contemplating Tyler's actions and reactions to all of this that was going on. He recalled Tyler's eyes, his smile, the way that his mouth moved when he spoke. All of it, even down to the little imperfections in his skin were at the front of JD's thought. He was already missing Tyler for the man that he was and would be in the future.
"Is it OK to miss him?" JD asked.
"Oh yeah. Just because we live in this...non-corporeal...state doesn't mean that we don't still feel and experience emotion," Gramps answered.
"Gramps," JD said. "I promised that I would never hurt him, and that's exactly what I'm doing right now."
"You're not hurting him," Gramps stated with a smile. "The man who did this to you...his brother...is the one that's causing him to hurt. You didn't do anything but love him completely and totally."
"Yeah..." JD said, unable to believe his grandfather in that moment.
"JD. In life, you only get one good shot and really loving someone. I mean, this place exists because of love...love that we have for our families and friends...the love that God has for us. With Tyler, you got that chance to love him, completely and totally. I am so happy that you found him," Gramps smiled.
JD looked at his grandfather and, in addition to just seeing the expression of joy on his face, JD felt it. It was like something warm washing over the form that his being had taken. Only it didn't just wash over him. It washed through him, relieving his soul, albeit temporarily, of the some of the grief that he felt for what he'd thought he'd done to Tyler.
"May I join you?" another apparition asked as she stood beside the chair next to Gramps.
"Of course," Gramps said as he stood. "Stand for the lady," he whispered to JD, who complied.
"I'm sorry for my lack of manners," JD said as the lady smiled at him. They had the same eyes, the same blue orbs that looked like the sky on a clear day.
"So JD," Gramps said. "I would like you to meet your Nana."
"Nana?" JD said.
"You didn't think that I wasn't going to come see you, did you?" she asked with a smile.
"I didn't..." JD started.
"She's just joking with you, kid," Gramps said. "She did that to me, too, when I got here."
"Oh!" JD said as he looked at the lady and smiled.
"I'm sorry that you're here," she expressed to him as she reached out her hand. He took it, and, as with his grandfather a moment before, he could feel the emotion that her spirit bore. He could feel that love that she had for him, even though he'd never had the fortune of meeting her in his physical life.
She was a spirit that was true love. There was no pretense; there was no hiding her true feelings. She was his Nana, by God. He felt even more relief wash over him as she sat there with them.
"You know," Gramps said to her, "your tits are just as nice now as they were on the day we met!"
"Joe!" she shouted.
"Gramps," JD said as he laughed heartily.
"What?" Gramps said as if it were nothing. "JD's an ass man; I'm fond of tits!"
"Joseph Eugene Barrington!" Nana shouted as she smiled.
"What are you laughing at, Kid?"
"Gramps! You're just as perverted in the afterlife as you were in life," JD noted as he continued to laugh.
"A man...even a dead one...has urges!" he said.
"Joe," she said as she jokingly chastised him. "So JD..."
"My life. Where do I start?" JD said.
"What was the first thing you remember?" she asked.
"The first thing..." JD thought. "I guess it would have to be this one time when Lindsay and I sneaked out of the house cause we wanted to play in the sand, but no one wanted to take us out. So Lindsay and I just left the house. We played outside in the sand for an hour before anyone realized where we were. We both got spanked...hard! I thought about that a couple of years ago...and realized that most of the times I got spanked growing up were because of Lindsay."
"What about your first day of school?" she asked before JD had enough time to think about Lindsay for too long.
"Oh God!" JD remembered in horror. "I hated it! Mom dropped me and Lindsay off on the first day and then waited around half the day. She was the only Mom that wiped something off my face. I think that Lindsay made fun of me more than anyone else. I can only imagine what she's going through right now."
"She's where she always was and is," Nana answered. "She's with you in your hour of need."
"She always was like that," JD responded as he felt himself wanting to shed a tear in the memory of the people that he felt he was leaving at that point.
"So what about the first time your heart was broken?" she asked.
"David..."
"What was he like?"
"He was amazing. He was so smart...he was sweet...he was so loving...he loved me for me."
"Why did it end?"
"Distance. We were too far away from each other. Well, there's that, and that he met someone that he felt was better suited for him at that stage in his life. He never lied to me," JD said. "He never cheated. He didn't do anything with him until after he talked to me. I couldn't have been prouder to have a guy in my life that was that honest, but it broke my heart at the same time. Why are you asking me all these questions?"
"I don't mean to offend or upset you, baby," she said.
"You're not offending, Nana," JD said. "It's just that reliving the pain and the suffering is getting to be a little too much. I want to cry, but I can't, and I don't know why."
"Sweetie," she said as she stood and walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head into his chest. Even though there were no tears, JD could feel all the pain washing through his body and flowing away from him.
It was like when you get a bee sting, you put tobacco on it to pull out the stinger and the venom. Well, it was like JD himself was the area that was stung while she, her hug, her very being, was that which was drawing out all the pain and suffering.
"It'll all be OK," she whispered as JD suffered.
"Kid," Gramps said as he took JD's hand. "You're the strongest person that I've ever known. When I died, you were the one that kept it together for everyone else. Now you have to do that for yourself," Gramps told him.
"How am I supposed to?" JD asked. "I'm dead! I'm not sure if I'm in heaven or hell. I've hurt everyone I've cared about...that are still living. And there's not a damn thing that I can do to fix it!" He stood from the chair and walked away for a second. With everything he could muster, he looked up from where he was and let a long, bellowing, ominous howl.
"Do you feel better?" Nana asked after the sound stopped.
"Honestly. I do feel a little better," JD answered as he turned and returned to them.
"That's wonderful," Nana said.
"Joseph David Thomas Leandro, Prince of Terraco!" a very ominous, voice said from behind him. It had a thick, deep, European accent.
JD turned around and came face to face with a man about whom he'd only heard great things. The man had a muscular frame and a defined jaw. He had perfect hair and brown eyes. His nose was almost identical to JD's. Whereas JD was wearing jeans and a polo, this man was dressed in a military uniform. It had dark blue pants and a red jacket. There was a yellow sash going across his right shoulder that fell across his chest and clasped together on his left side. The only badge of honor that he wore was a crown attached to a livery collar around his neck.
"How are you?" the man asked JD.
"I'm great, Papa. How are you?"
"I am...a little distraught."
"Why is that?" JD asked.
"Because you are here. You shouldn't be here this soon," he responded. "I wish you weren't here."
"Me neither, Papa."
"You really do look like him, Kid," Gramps said as he and Nana walked over to where the two men were standing.
"I know!"
"It could be worse!"
"Yeah. He could look like Joe!" Nana added.
"And I continue to take it, in death, because I adore you," Gramps added.
"May I join you all?" Papa asked.
"Of course!" they all said without thinking.
"You know," he said as they sat. "Being here and just sitting peacefully at this table reminds me so much of being in Morovia the summer after Catherine and I were married."
"Really?"
"We at our summer retreat in Terraco," Papa started. "It was a beautiful day. The sun was out; there was a gentle breeze. Your grandmother, JD, was wearing this skimpy little dress."
"Papa!"
"What?" Papa asked as JD laughed.
"Are you a tit man too?" Gramps asked.
"No. I'm much more of a leg kind of man," Papa answered.
"So both of my grandfathers were pervs!" JD declared.
"But your grandmother," Papa started, "was so beautiful. She had the most beautiful blond hair and those radiant brown eyes. She had legs for days. Even in our captivity, I couldn't help but think of those legs. I only wish we could have lived to old age. I should have compromised; I should have talked to the Conservatives instead of leading them to do what they did. There has been so much pain because I HAD to have things my way."
"If you'd given in, though," JD countered, "they would have just kept taking and taking. It was...destiny...the way that things happened."
"There is no such thing as destiny," Papa quickly corrected him. "Our lives are what we make of them; if we mess up, we have plenty of times to correct...or make it worse."
"But how can you regret that?" JD asked.
"Do you regret nothing?" Papa asked, calmly but assertively.
"There are a lot of things that I regret," JD answered.
"Like what?" Papa asked.
"I regret not telling my parents just how much I appreciate them; I regret not defending Lindsay better against her father. I wish I could redo things with David...and Paul..."
"But if you had, you might not have met Tyler, and then where would you have been in the days leading up to...this?" Papa asked.
"This is true," Papa said.
"So is there anything else you regret?"
"I regret not having worked harder in school and enjoyed life more."
"You should have gone to Mexico with Lindsay last summer," Papa said.
"I know. But Paul didn't want to go..."
"He wouldn't have stopped you from going, though," Papa noted. "In his weird way, he did love you."
As they talked the grandparents stopped and looked around. JD felt a chill run across his being as his grandparents all stood around him in a protective formation. JD stood as a dark cloud swirled in front of him. Just as the other being had taken a form that JD could comprehend, the one before him did as well.
He had brown hair, like Tyler. His head was hung low, though. Unlike JD or the others, though, he bore his wounds. At his right temple, there was a hole in his head.
"I'm sorry for bothering you," he said meekly.
JD began to feel emotional all over again. The final moments of his life were replaying through his mind. He remembered seeing Ricky. He remembered Ricky aiming the gun at him and firing. His protector spirits each touched him, bolstering his own strength and reminding him of the man that he was and would be.
"You're not bothering me," JD answered. He looked at his grandparents, specifically his grandfathers, who looked angry. They hadn't been able to protect him in life, but they were able to protect him then.
"JD. I don't expect you to ever forgive me for what I've done, and I will not be expecting it. I just wanted you to know that I am sorry for what I did. I was under the misguided impression that what I was doing was in the name of God. I never took into account the fact that I wasn't the only child of God involved," Ricky explained.
"Why were you aiming at Tyler?"
"I was told that I had to purify my family to bring them back to God," Ricky answered. "It sounds stupid now."
"Yeah," Gramps said.
In just a second, JD felt as though he was in the middle of a Harry Potter book, for Ricky was releasing to him all the thoughts he'd had and all the visions of what he'd done. He saw that Ricky was present at the church attack, along with Kara, Chad, and Liam; He saw Ricky throwing things at gay people in a movie theatre. There were things more gruesome that Ricky was releasing to him. JD took all of them in, finding himself sickened by all the horrible things that Ricky had done over just a few months. When it was over, Ricky just looked at him, a longing in his eyes for forgiveness.
JD walked around his grandparents and made his way to where Ricky stood. Nana watched and smiled as she felt what was going on in JD's thoughts. Gramps and Papa looked at each other, each thinking of what a great man JD had become. The three of them were proud of what he was doing in that moment.
JD lifted Ricky's forehead to his and set his so that the two were touching. In a moment filled with magic and glory, JD transferred his thoughts to Tyler. There was no animosity; there were no more hurt feelings; there was nothing but love between them. It wasn't the kind of love that he felt for Tyler or anyone in his family, but it the was the kind of love that JD had experienced at being with his grandparents in that span of immeasurable time.
JD could hear that Ricky was crying. He could feel tears streaming down the face of this apparition. He wasn't able to cry himself, but the spirit of this man before him was. As they separated from the embrace, JD and Ricky both opened their eyes and looked at the other.
"Thank you," Ricky whispered as he remembered his fate.
"It's nothing," JD said as Ricky stepped back from him and disappeared. The same black cloud that brought his arrival swept him back into the recesses of time. "What's going to happen to him?"
"He's going to pay his penance," Nana answered.
"Which will be what?"
"We don't know," Papa answered as he turned back around.
"Were you able to see his thoughts?" he asked Gramps.
"No. He just showed them to you," Gramps answered.
"Oh."
"What you did, though, was an amazing thing," Nana said as Papa was nodding.
"So JD," Gramps started, "you have a choice to make."
"What choice do I have?"
"You can either proceed into Paradise," Nana said.
"Or you can return to Paradise," Papa finished as Gramps and Nana giggled.
"Why do I get a choice and Ricky didn't?"
"Because Ricky committed a crime against you," Gramps responded, "and you put someone else above yourself."
"We know that you weren't the target of his ire. We know that you were thinking of Tyler's safety above your own," Nana said.
"You could have just as easily moved yourself out of the way, but you didn't," Papa said. "Therein lies your reward."
"You must decide, though," Gramps said.
JD thought for a second. He could still feel their collective protective warmth, but they were exerting no influence over him. This decision, like the one to move Tyler out of the way of the bullets, was his and his alone to make.
On the one hand, he could enter the gates of heaven and be without the pain, without the hurt, but there was the physical world, to which he could return to keep people from hurting, to return to his mother's homeland, and to help make the lives of a people he realized he didn't really even know a little bit better.
The choice was an easy one. As he decided, he smiled. Gramps, Papa, and Nana all smiled as well, knowing that the decision would be the best one for him in that time.