The Penthouse

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All in all, we had had a rollercoaster year, but when Thanksgiving was there, Jason and I could only be really grateful for the love we shared and the families that were ours.

I didn't think it was possible, but with time our love for each other grew yet stronger. I had often wondered what I had done to deserve a man like Jason, but he asked me the same thing! He, too, thought he had won the lottery when he discovered our mutual love. Jeez, if you thought about it, we were friends since we met in school at the age of seven and had never lost contact. We had to wait till we were both 28 to realize we were made for each other. A lot of people talk about soul mates and we truly believed that was exactly what we were. Both of us had explored while we sere single and the day we really opened up to each other, it was a revelation. We were already living together and my niece Letitia had been the trigger to our love at her early age of seven. Since then, we were married and lived a very happy life. Sometimes we thought it was all too good to be true, but enjoyed every second of every day together.

After Jason's parents ere killed in a plane crash, he invested his money wisely and we could easily afford to stop working. Jason had and I had slowed down my business to do just what I really wanted, refusing any job that didn't piqued my interest. We had quite a lot of free and leisure time. I suggested going and visiting places, trying to learn about the world, its people and different cultures. Jason was as tempted as I was, but since his parent's death he was very apprehensive about flying. Just the idea to step onto a plane made him sweat and getting nervous. So, we started visiting places nearby. We could get there by car or by train and it was a temporary solution to the problem. I was seriously thinking about it and even called the doctor who had cared for him when he was in hospital.

Dr. Stevenson had been very kind and gave me a lot of explanations about what could have been going on in Jason's head, but couldn't guarantee it was that. He offered to send me a copy of Jason's medical report and to contact a psychologist specialized in fears. I did as the doctor had suggested and called a psychologist recommended by him. Jim Casey had a very good reputation and seemed to obtain very good results with people having fears or traumas. I informed Jason of what I had done, but he went ballistic. "I don't need a psychologist!" ... "I don't need help!" ... "It's my choice to not travel by plane!" ... and so on. He was really upset and even said that I should not mingle with his things.

I called Jim, the psychologist, to cancel the appointment, but Jim wanted to talk to me before he cancelled it really.

• You see Jake, this is part of the process. He is in phase one where he denies he has a problem. It is a fact I can't help someone who refuses my help, but what we can do is helping him without him knowing it. We will have to provoke situations where he will be confronted with his problem and bit- by-bit his problem will punch him in the face and he will have to admit it. Only once he admits he has the problem, he will accept help out of his free own will. Who, apart from you, knows he has the fear of getting into a plane?

• Well Jim, everybody knows what he went through but it has never been discussed since. I guess his two brothers and my family would be happy to help out, but how?

• Is any of his or your relatives traveling a lot by plane?

• Yes, his brother travels extensively for his job.

• Is there anyway his brother could have a reason to ask Jason to travel with him? Needing his assistance?

• I don't know, but I can always ask.

• Ok, here is what you do. You take Jason's brother into confidence and set up the following. He has to ask Jason to travel with him and that he has already reserved the tickets. He will have to be very convincing that it is imperative that Jason comes with him. Once that is done, you call me to tell Jason's reactions and we'll go from there.

As Jason was out for some grocery shopping, I took advantage of the moment to call his brother Kevin, explaining him the problem and what the psychologist had suggested. Kevin didn't have any idea that Jason was facing such a problem and was, of course, ready to help.

• There is no such time as the present time, Kevin said, I'll drop by tonight and ask for his help in my forthcoming travel.

True to his word, Kevin came by. We were having a drink on the terrace and after some small talk Kevin dropped the bomb. Jason graciously accepted to help his brother, till he heard they would have to take a plane. Jason got really pale and was nervous as hell, twisting his hands into each other and even starting to sweat. Kevin was flabbergasted when he saw it and understood the importance of the problem. Kevin wanted to just dismiss the whole idea, but knew he couldn't. He tried to stay as relaxed as possible and asked casually:

• Is there any problem Jase?

Jason didn't answer straight away. He was still rubbing his hands and the color on his face had not come back yet. He just asked if they couldn't go by car.

• I am afraid that is impossible. My schedule is really tight and I can't afford to lose two days in going and two days in coming back. That's why I need you, to help me with all the equipment.

Jason ran into the penthouse and we heard the door to the bathroom slam shut. Kevin looked at me and pleaded to stop this mascaraed and release Jason from his current state. I asked him to be patient a little more. I knew Jason and was convinced that once he would come out of the bathroom he would admit he had a problem boarding a plane or just refuse to help Kevin.

It took Jason about ten minutes to come out to the terrace again. I could see he had splashed some water on his face and concentrate on relaxing. He sat down.

• Kevin, I am sorry but ...

He paused a moment. I could sense the struggle he had between admitting the problem or just refuse the help without any reasonable explanation. But Jason had always been very honest and even if he had denied the problem before, I crossed my fingers he wouldn't do the same again.

• I'd love to help you out, but I ... I can't ... I have ... Oh shit! I won't lie to you. Since our parent's died in a plane crash I can't see myself boarding one. I am dead scared. Only driving close to an airport causes me to get really nervous and I start to sweat, even in the middle of the winter. So, I guess you will have to find someone else to help you out!

Kevin smiled and said there was no problem. He would find some of his colleagues to help him out. We dropped the subject and soon Kevin was on his way to his wife and kids. I was as happy as could be. Just as Jim the psychologist had told me, Jason had finally admitted he had a problem. From then on we could work towards a solution. After our dinner we sat again on the terrace enjoying the last rays of sun. Jason broke the silence.

• Kevin's visit and asking for help was a set-up, wasn't it?

I couldn't lie to Jason and I told him all I had done since his last out-burst. I told him the conversations I had with Jim and how I involved Kevin in the process. When I was finished Jason had a little smile on his face and then sheepishly spoke to me.

• First I want to apologize for my our-burst the other day. I was just scared and didn't know how to handle it. I realize you love me as much as to try to help me resolving my fear of planes and flying. You can call Jim and tell him I accept to see him. Or even better, give me his number and I will call him.

Jason didn't lose any time and called immediately although it was already a little late for office hours. Nonetheless, Jim answered at the first tone. Jim sensed right away that Jason was in a condescending mood and asked that we both would drop by the next morning at his office. Jason agreed. They hung up. I saw that the color was back on Jason's face. He was relaxed. I sighed deeply.

• You still love me, don't you? Jason asked.

• Of course I do, why do you ask?

• Because I don't think anybody would want to go through all this hassle for me. Ok, Kevin played along because you asked him to. He would never have come up with the initiative himself, but you have. It means you care for me and I don't know how to thank you.

• It's easy Jason, follow Jim's instructions and in the shortest time you'll get rid of your fear. That's how you can thank me!

He took me in his arms and hugged me. He took me by the hand and led me to our bedroom. We made love, but not out of lust or sexual urge. We made love with all the feelings we had in our hearts and in our heads. We made love expressing all those things there were no words for. We made love, caring for each other in an almost altruistic way, thinking about the other's pleasure before our own. That kind of lovemaking was more than satisfactory. It gave a deeper meaning to the physical contact that we were sharing. It was unhurried, tender and soft. It had no importance if we climaxed or not. We didn't have to say anything, as we instinctively knew what the other wanted. It was beyond beautiful. It was a mutual gratefulness.

The following morning we met Jim for the first time. Jim was about our age and very similarly built in comparison with us. He must have had some Mediterranean roots. He had short cut black hair a nice nose and a square jaw. Sparkling blue eyes expressed his genuine pleasure to see us and he smiled showing perfect white teeth. He has probably the same height and weight as we had and under his casual clothing he most surely hid a nice toned and tanned body. Some rebellion hairs peaked out of the open collar of his button down shirt. His handgrip was firm and at the same time gentle. He had a natural way of making people feeling at ease in his presence.

We sat down and Jim led the conversation in a very professional way although it seemed like we were just friends chatting. He explained his way of working and warned us that the process could be over in two weeks like it could last several months. It all depended on how Jason would react to his help. However, he said as well that for the following sessions he would rather have Jason alone. He didn't like to work with someone else nearby as it prevented him to concentrate properly, something Jason and I understood perfectly. He also mentioned that we could call him if anything happened and that we'd consider his help necessary. He insisted that it was a 24/7 availability. He had read Jason's medical report very carefully and had even contacted Dr. Stevenson at the hospital to have it all clear in his mind.

We left his office about an hour later and I could see Jason was relaxed and happy. I was as well. I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I crossed my fingers that it wouldn't take long before we could board a plane and visit some further away places. I was confident my man could do it.

The sessions with Jim were weekly. For some of the exercises Jim asked that I would be there, as to give it a more realistic approach. One of these sessions was a group session at the airport where we entered a room that had been equipped like the inside of an airplane. The exercise consisted in familiarizing the patients with the sight. Quite a few of them couldn't go through. It seemed too much for them. Jim never insisted too much when he saw that a panic attack could be the result of the exercise. Jason asked me to hold his hand before entering that space. Jim nodded his ok. The closer we got to the entrance of the fake plane, Jason squeezed my hand harder and harder. I thought he would crush my hand, but wanted to help as much as possible and said nothing. The first step on the blue carpet of that plane was the most difficult. I told Jason to inhale, as his throat seemed to be blocked and he held his breath. I put my free hand on his arm and smiled at him when he looked at me. He then took a second step and a third and soon we were in the middle of rows of seats. The big test was to see if Jason could bring himself to sit down. At the first attempt he froze and was unable to move any further. Jim saw it and came over. His confident and smooth voice seemed to relax Jason a bit. Jim talked about anything except the fact that Jason couldn't move. I felt his grip on my hand relax, but he couldn't bring himself to sit down. Nonetheless, Jim was very satisfied with the result of this first "real" experience and said so to both of us. I reminded him that Jason had also survived another problem: he had reached the airport without freaking out!

The progress Jason was making was tremendous. I could only be extremely proud of him. When we were in the car, at whatever moment, Jason was the first to make a little detour and stop near the airport, at the end of the runway. We would step out of the car and watch planes taking off or landing. He even started to enjoy it and recognize different types of planes. He mentioned it to Jim. Jim was smiling and admired the initiative. He thought it was a good thing to do and was thinking about including that as an exercise for other people with a fear for planes.

Jim was so happy with Jason's results that he wanted him to have the final test: boarding a real plane that would takeoff. Jason was a little apprehensive about it, but Jim didn't give him time to think about it. He dragged us to the flight attendant school where an exam flight was about to leave. We boarded the plane without problems and Jason sat down with Jim and I sitting at each side of him. We fastened our seat-belts and before Jason even realized it we were moving to the runway. I would exaggerate if I said Jason was completely at ease, but he didn't turn white as before and didn't crush my hand. The plane was soon airborne and the students of the flight attendant school were doing whatever they had to do. The flight was only for half an hour and we landed save and well. Jim was over the moon with this test. Jason was happy as well and I was overwhelmed with love for him. It made me realize that together we could survive anything!

Jason was thrilled with the results of his sessions with Jim and suggested we invite him for a lunch or a dinner. I agreed wholeheartedly. Jim accepted the invitation and laughed when Jason gave him our card. We looked quizzically to him and he just mentioned we were living in the same building! We had never met before, neither in the entrance nor in the elevator or the basement parking lot, although Jim mentioned he lived there for over six months now.

That first dinner with Jim was a real joy. Once he got out of his professional mode, Jim was pleasant and had that same wicked sense of humor we had. We had prepared some bottles of excellent Spanish wines, as we knew nobody had to drive. Jim was a real wine expert and the way he talked about it would have piqued the interest of whomever. Jim's general knowledge was immense. Whatever the subject was, Jim knew at least something about it. During that first meal we talked about anything, but didn't put our noses in his private matters. If Jim wanted to volunteer information it was ok for us, but we would certainly not pressure him to do so.

Jim returned the invitation for the following week on Sunday for a brunch. We only needed to take the elevator to what was once our own floor. He had bought the corner unit and we were impressed at how tasteful he had decorated the place. We soon realized that, apart of being an excellent psychologist, Jim was also a chef in the kitchen. Everything he had prepared was simple but of good quality. Jason and Jim were soon comparing their skills and exchanging recipes and little tricks they used to enhance the flavor of some dishes. Even though I was not actively participating in their conversation, I enjoyed seeing the way they interacted. It was clear Jim was fast becoming a good friend.

Over the month following Jason's therapy with Jim, we made a few small trips but by plane. Each time Jason was more and more at ease and he even started to enjoy the flights. Jim had given him some medication, a kind of tranquilizers, to take before the flight. He took them just once and the next flight he said he would try without them. They are still in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom!

Jason and Jim also started some cooking competitions among themselves. They had often a different opinion on how to prepare a dish and it always ended having the two of them in the kitchen and preparing the same dish. I was in a difficult position because both of them asked me to be the jury. Both their cooking was excellent. The tastes were slightly different when they used more or less herbs and spices. Jason was more for the spicy food where Jim preferred the traditional tastes. Well, they knew of course that there is no chef who can cook to everybody's liking. I tried to keep the balance between the two of them, being as impartial and diplomatic as possible.

Jim had still not revealed much about his personal life. There was never a word about a girl or boyfriend. When invited he was always available and we deducted there was nobody special in his life. There was one invitation though where he didn't show up. After a delay of a bout an hour, we got worried and tried to call him, but he didn't answer his cell phone. We waited another half hour and Jason couldn't stand it anymore and went down to knock at Jim's door. He came back about five minutes later with Jim in tow.

Once he was sitting down he started to apologize.

• I am sorry guys, but I hadn't looked at the calendar. On this date I normally never leave my apartment. It is a date that is burned in my head and in my heart.

Jim looked sad and we were soon missing his happy smile. We had never seen him like that before. The bad memories were written all over him. We didn't know what was the cause of his sadness, but didn't want to pressure him to talk about it. He was the psychologist and we assumed he would know what to do. He looked up from his plate that he hadn't touched. He looked at us and opened his mouth, but not a word was coming out of it. It seemed he was still hesitating to talk about what was bothering him, but after a few minutes he looked decided.

• I guess we are getting good friends, aren't we?

Both, Jason and I nodded as to show our agreement.

• I guess it is time I talk with someone and as you are the closest friends I have, I trust you with my story. I told you I moved in this building about six months ago. Before that I had a villa in an upscale neighborhood, a Mercedes convertible and all the luxury that one can buy. I had my practice in a private clinic and the salary was accordingly. About three or four years ago I met a guy. Yes, I am gay as well. We fell in love. He came from a very, VERY wealthy family and the villa we lived in was his. The Mercedes I drove was his. He had that much money that he couldn't possibly accept me to pay anything at all. That was the cause of many of our fights. But Josh was also unpredictable. He could do things on impulse and there was nobody or nothing that could make him change his mind. With all of my knowledge and all of my skills, I couldn't bring him to his senses. He had suffered a lot before we met, because his parents accepted neither his sexual orientation nor his lifestyle. To be sure to keep him out of their sight, they gave him a huge monthly allowance. The only thing that was expected of him was to stay out of their way. When we met and were so happy, he wanted to contact his parents again because they were, willing or not, very important in Josh's eyes. He called them and his father just said he had no son anymore, that a son was supposed to be a man and not a sissy like he was. Josh was devastated, but he didn't allow his father to say he was no man. "I will show him" he shouted and left the house without telling me where he was going. I feared the worst and I got it. He came back in two hours later and announced he had enlisted in the army! I couldn't believe my ears and to prove what he said he threw a piece of paper on the table that confirmed his saying. To make a long story short, he was trained and came out as one of the bests of his group. He scanned the paper that said so and sent it to his father by e-mail. The response was prompt but not what he expected. The short e-mail from his father just said that it was not because he was a soldier that he was more man. Josh entered once more in a fury that I can't even start to describe. He gave himself up as volunteer to go to Afghanistan. Six months ago they brought him back in a coffin. What I had not expected was that about an hour after receiving the sad news, both his parents were at the door of the villa. I thought they had come to their senses but I was deadly wrong. They only said one thing to me: "You have exactly two hours to disappear from this house. Take what is yours and never come back here!" There was no doubt they were serious. I called a friend who had a van and went to our room to start packing. You would be surprised how much you can do in such a small period of time when you are under pressure. My friend arrived and we loaded his van. I left the keys on the entrance table and closed the door behind me. I was not only closing a door, I was also closing an important chapter of my life. I was devastated, not so much by Josh's parent's behavior, but by his death that had been so totally unnecessary. I found this apartment here in the building and bought it. I recognized the signs of a depression and went immediately into therapy with a colleague of mine. He prevented me to sink deeper and actually got me back on my feet. I had quit my job at the private clinic because I didn't want to be faced with the kind of people who were similar to Josh's parents. Two days after they had kicked me out, I went back because I had forgotten a few things, but the villa had been cleaned out and was up for sale. Now as the date of today, it is just one year ago that Josh left for Afghanistan.

Both Jason and I had tears in our eyes. Jim didn't saying he had no more tears left. He had cried them all out. Jason and I stood up and took Jim in a group hug. We were overwhelmed by the sadness of what Jim had gone through. It was hard to believe that there were still people like Josh's parents. The stupidity of those people still killed! Those people are so poor, that the only thing that's left is money. As the wine bottle was empty, I opened a bottle of Champagne and brought out a toast.

• To Josh, who was more man than his father. To Jim, who survived such a difficult situation. To all of us, who know the real values in life such as love, friendship, respect and trust.

We drank to that. We let the opportunity to Jim to tell us more if he wanted. We knew the importance of being able to speak and have a heavy weight taken off of your shoulders. Communication was what made any relationship strong. Even though Jim had opened up to us, we knew there was probably more to it all. The day he would be ready, he would talk to us.

Jason felt we had to change the subject of conversation and started to tell, with many details, how his last flight had been. Knowing now for sure that Jim was gay, he started to describe a very nice looking flight attendant we had. Jim laughed heartedly and called Jason a matchmaker.

• Oh no, Jason said, the matchmaker in the family is Letitia, Jake's niece! You know that if she had not opened her mouth, we would probably never have thought we could be lovers?

And he told the story of Letitia, aged seven, asking her Mammy why we didn't kiss. Jason used all his storyteller's skills to bring Jim to a smile and even a laugh. He succeeded. He was just finished telling the tale when we heard the downstairs' bell ring. Jason went to open the door and came back a few seconds later saying:

• When you speak of the devil! It's Letitia.

Letitia came in and kissed me first, then Jason and very politely introduced herself to Jim. After that she at down and started to tell her day. She had crossed paths with Chris, THE ex and wanted to kick him in the crotch but "I am a Lady" she said, but also admitted that with her high heels she would probably had ended on her butt. She was really irritated and you could hear it in her voice.

• I can sense quite some pent-up frustration, Jim said, what is the real problem?

• The real problem, said Letitia, is that all the nice looking men are or jerks or gay. How on earth do you want me to find a suitable boyfriend?

She then turned towards Jim and blatantly asked:

• You are gay as well I guess?

• Yes I am, said Jim.

• See what I mean? Do you guys get my point?

It was funny after all, because Letitia had the temperament of her Mammy. She could get upset over nothing, but it never lasted long. Once she relaxed she was nice company and her visit made Jim forget about the date. Ok, ok, we drank probably a bit too much, but none of us had to drive. Letitia stuck to lemonade. Around ten her cell phone rang and it was my sister. Letitia had apparently forgotten to warn her she was dropping by at our place. She apologized to her Mammy and was out of the house in less than five.

Jim was back to his smiley self and that made us happy. I made a mental note to talk to Jason. I thought that as good friends we would have to take care of Jim and not letting him have bad days. It would be nice to find a boyfriend for him, but we were not sure if he was ready for that. But we didn't risk anything by inviting some of our friends, among whom there were a few bachelors. I guessed that matchmaking was in the family after all.

To be continued if you guys tell me you like the story. All comments welcome at amahy1957@gmail.com