This story is a work of FICTION. The events described are my own invention. Any similarities to actual events or persons are strictly coincidental. The author retains the copyright, and any other rights, to this original story. You may not publish it or any part of it without my explicit authorization.
This story contains depictions of consensual sexual acts between teenage males. It is intended for mature audiences only. If you find this type of material offensive or if you are under the legal age to read said material; please proceed no further.
Comments are always welcome at: hailcaesar2011@hotmail.com
The Peace Within Chapter 15
I had breakfast with the guys the next morning, but then I had to say goodbye to my loony bin buddies. I had a meeting with the psychiatric resident, he explained that he didn't believe I was a danger to myself and that my parents were on their way to pick me up. I felt great, I'd made a lot of progress during my stay and I was ready to go home and put the pieces of my life back together.
I wanted to see Patrick and tell him that his big brother was going to be around for a long, long time. I wanted to see Lee and Henry and tell Lee that he could watch over me all he wanted but I wasn't going to hurt myself again, I'd sworn on Patton's grave and I'd keep that promise. I wanted to see Peter at the Coffee Bean, hug him and thank him for his friendship and all his help. I wanted to visit grandpa, read to him and leave without crying. More than anything, I wanted to see Marshall, tell him I loved him and pick up where we left off in his living room.
After my meeting with the resident, I went back to my room and changed out of my pajamas. Noah watched me put on jeans and a t-shirt, I couldn't help but notice he seemed oddly quiet for him, sad even.
"Something wrong?" I asked.
"You're leaving," said Noah.
"Noah, you never said, how long have you been here?" I asked.
"Couple months," he replied, "my doctor says I'm getting better, I don't know."
"Have you had a lot of roommates?"
"They put someone new in every now and then, I've had a few," said Noah.
"So, you'll probably have someone new before you know it," I assured him.
"Yeah, but you were the only one that was ever nice," said Noah.
"Um, thanks," I replied, I was touched.
I didn't think Noah liked me that much, we hadn't talked a lot but then I started thinking, maybe some of the people who had roomed with him, were mean about his quirks. To be honest, I was going to miss him too, and that's when I had a wicked idea. There was a clean pair of tighty whities in my bag, I fished them out, used the waist band like a rubber band and shot them at his face.
"I know you're not gay, but you can keep those to remember me by," I grinned.
"Oh God," Noah laughed, "you are such a dork, but, well, thanks."
"Don't mention it," I replied, then gave him a hug, "do me a favor?"
"Sure, what?" said Noah.
"Look after Darren for me?"
"Yeah, I can do that," said Noah, "he needs friends, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, you guys will be good for each other," I stated.
I gave Noah my phone number and email address, then made him promise to call me as soon as he got out so I could take him out for coffee and catch up. I think that made him happy.
Greg checked my dressings for me one last time, I still hadn't beaten him at chess and I promised I'd come visit soon, if for nothing else, I needed to reclaim my family honor. He laughed, gave me a hug, a pat on the back and told me that I was going to be ok.
I said goodbye to Darren to, he was in the music room again so I waited while he played another song. I noticed that the music sounded more upbeat this time and I hoped that maybe he was feeling a little better too. I gave him my contact information too and told him I was going to kick his ass if we didn't hang out, when he came home. He actually giggled.
I slung my bag over my shoulder and found my parents waiting for me, in the lobby. Mom hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, Dad put his arm around my shoulder and we walked down to the car. It was a beautiful day, the birds were singing and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I rolled my window down, letting the wind blow through my hair, I felt a sense of calm that I hadn't felt in a long time and I knew what I had to do.
"Would you take me to Patton's grave?" I asked.
"Honey, do you really think that's such a good idea?" asked Mom, "you just got out of the hospital."
"I do, please?"
"Parker I..." Mom started.
"Sure thing sport," said Dad, he took the next turn and headed to the cemetery, we sat quietly until we arrived.
I'd never been here before, I was unable to attend the graveside service, but I seemed to know how to get to Patton's final resting place. I lead the way through the forest of tombstones, until I came to the one I was looking for:
Patton G. Westergaard
1997-2013
Beloved Son, Brother and Friend
Into Haven May the Angels Lead You
I placed my hand against the tomb and felt tears well up in my eyes. I knelt down and kissed the top of the stone, then sat down, leaning against the cold marble.
"I knew this wasn't a good idea, come on Parker, let's go home," said Mom, she held out her hand to me but I didn't take it.
"No, I'm not ready yet, not until I tell you what I have to tell you," I replied.
"What is it son?" asked Dad.
"Would you sit with me, it's going to take a while," I asked.
"Honey this really isn't the place to..." Mom began.
"Please, I want Patton with me while I do this," I said.
"Ok, of course honey," said mom.
Mom and dad sat across from me and waited for me to start talking.
"Patton called me the morning he died," I started.
"Oh honey," said mom, then she reached over and hugged me.
"Please, please let me get through this, it's easier if I just get it all out," I replied.
"Go ahead son, whenever you're ready," said Dad.
"He was in the library, he wanted me to tell you that he loved you very much, it was important that you know that, he was so determined that I understand," Mom and Dad both had tears in their eyes.
"I-I heard everything, dad, he was so brave, Carter was threatening a girl and Patton stood up, he told him to leave the girl alone, he spoke out for everyone, he was like a hero," I started sobbing then and had to take a second to catch my breath, "then he shot him, he shot him and he laughed and I heard the whole thing."
All of us were crying, mom and dad moved around with me in the middle of them, they hugged me between them and I let it all out.
"You've kept this to yourself all this time?" asked Dad, he didn't sound angry, he sounded sad, so sad.
"I couldn't talk about it, it felt like it was my fault, it should have been me," I wept.
"Honey you know that's not true," said Mom.
"It's how I felt, I don't feel like that now but it's why I've been having such a hard time," I explained.
"What made you come around?" asked Dad.
"I had a lot of help from Peter and Dr. Kitridge and my friends, they helped me see things more clearly," I replied.
"That's good son, that's real good, I just wish I could have helped you," said Dad.
"I couldn't come to you and mom," I told them.
"Why sweetheart, we're always here for you," Mom sniffled.
"That's exactly why, I knew you'd tell me it wasn't my fault and I wasn't ready to believe that, I was punishing myself but I can't do that anymore," I explained, "it hurts too much."
"Oh baby," said Mom, she hugged me again.
We sat there for a long time, crying, talking. When it was over, I felt lighter still, opening up was really working, the truth was much better then fake it till you make it. I didn't tell them about the molestation, not that day, that would have to come later. We were all coping with Patton's death and my problems, I didn't want to add the guilt that would come with knowing their sons had been molested and they'd never known, that they'd failed to protect us. I knew what that felt like, I knew that my parents were strong and would get passed it, but I wasn't going to dump that on them now.
When we got home, I stepped out of the car and Patrick practically tackled me. He threw his arms around my waist and squeezed me so hard I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head.
"Patrick, ease up a little, I can't breathe," I laughed.
"No way, I missed you so much," said Patrick.
It's hard to walk with a twelve year old wrapped around your middle but I managed to make it in the front door, that's when I found a surprise guest.
"Hi," said Kelsey Miller, she rose from the sofa and came into the foyer, "I heard you were coming home today, I was wondering if we could talk?"
"Um, yeah, ok," I answered, I was a little nervous, but I didn't think she'd try to jump me with my parent's home.
"Come on Patrick, you can hug your brother more later, let's give him some space ok?" said Dad.
"Alright, but can I sleep in your room tonight, Parker?" asked Patrick.
"Sure buddy, that would be ok," I answered and ruffled his hair.
"Come on squirt," said Dad, then he and Mom took Patrick into the kitchen.
"So, uh, you want to come upstairs?" I asked Kelsey.
"Sure," she smiled.
She followed me up to my room and sat on my bed, while I dropped my bag in the closet.
"Will you sit with me?" she asked, "I promise, I won't hurt you."
"Ok," I blushed, feeling silly for being scared of a petite girl, a cheerleader of all things.
She took my hand and held it in hers, then she started talking.
"I'm sorry Parker, I'm so sorry for what I did to you," said Kelsey.
"I wasn't..." I started, then remembering how telling the truth was making me feel better, I changed direction, "ok, yeah, I WAS scared."
"I know, I saw it on your face and I could hear it in your voice and all I could think about was myself. I felt terrible when I heard what you did because I never had the courage to tell you how sorry I was before," said Kelsey, "I missed Patton so much, I loved him more than you can ever know. I thought if you were with me that you'd start to like me and that I could find something of him in you, something more than just the resemblance."
"That's really honest of you to say all that, thank you," I replied.
"It's how I feel, I'm just glad you're here to hear it," said Kelsey.
"I'm glad you told me and now it's my turn to be honest with you," I said, then took a deep breath, "Patton wanted you to know that you were the best girlfriend a guy could have, that he would always love you."
"He told you that?" she asked.
"The morning he died, he called me and asked me to do some things for him, I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you, I know you miss him.
She closed her eyes tight and tears leaked from the corner of her eyes. Then she stood up and kissed me on the forehead.
"Thank you," said Kelsey, "I'm glad he felt that way, it's how I still feel about him."
"Thank you, I'm glad my brother experienced love in his life," I replied.
"I really want us to be friends, Parker. It was so hard for me to even look at you at first, but I think we need each other, we both loved him very much," said Kelsey.
"I'd like that," I smiled.
"Patrick said you're not coming back to school until fall, I'll come visit you," said Kelsey.
"Good, you can keep me up to date on all the end of the year gossip," I teased.
"Sounds like a plan," Kelsey smiled.
I walked her downstairs and too the door, she hugged me and then she was gone. Getting that off my chest felt good, I was smiling when I walked into the kitchen.
"What are you guys doing?" I asked, my family was huddled around the kitchen island.
"Making sandwiches, want one?" asked Mom.
"Yeah, I'm hungry," I replied.
"Well, no one eats for free," said dad, throwing me a loaf of bread, "mind spreading some mustard on that?"
"Sure dad," I smiled, and joined my family at the island.
Mom saw me smiling and gave me a wink, when no one was looking, she leaned over and kissed my temple.
I spent the day with my family, I was so happy to be home, so happy to have them in my life. That night, before I snuggled up to Patrick and went to bed, I talked to Marshall on the phone, he couldn't visit me in the psych ward because he wasn't 18, and couldn't wait to see me. He had school the next morning but he promised he'd come over as soon as he got out of class.
The next morning, I woke up and stretched, my body felt stiff. I'm used to exercise and I hadn't done much over the past week. I put on a t-shirt and running shorts, some socks and my favorite pair of Asics, but then had to convince mom to let me go. She'd taken the week off from work, so she could watch over me, and drive me to my appointments with Dr. Kitridge, I was still under some pretty heavy painkillers, I wasn't supposed to drive. She was reluctant to let me leave the house but in the end, she let me leave as long as I took my cellphone, just in case.
I ran for a few blocks and found myself heading towards a familiar house. I looked at my watch and realized it was only eight in the morning, thinking I might catch him before he left for school, I headed up the path to Marshall's door. I was just about to knock, when he opened the door and started to step out.
"Parker, what are you doing here?" he smiled.
He was wearing a backwards baseball cap over his blond hair, a green polo shirt that set off his sparkling eyes, khaki shorts and a pair of flip flops. He was beautiful and I threw my arms around his waist, squeezed him tight and rested my cheek on his shoulder.
"I missed you," I sighed, "I couldn't wait until after school."
"I'm glad you came, I missed you too," said Marshall, he was a little choked up.
He held me in his arms and in that moment, I wanted him more than anything in this world. I lifted my head and our eyes met, I kissed his lips and savored their soft touch. He was nervous at first, after what happened last time, who could blame him, but when he realized I wasn't going to pull away, he kissed back. Our lips parted, our tongues met and we made out on his front step.
"Are your parent's home?" I asked, when I stopped for a breath.
"No, they left for work an hour ago, wanna come in?" asked Marshall.
"Uh huh," I nodded.
He flashed me his brilliant smile, took my hand and led me through the door. He started to head for the living room, until I stopped him.
"No."
"No?" asked Marshall.
"I want to go up to your room," I grinned.
"Ok," Marshall giggled and blushed.
I sat on his bed and he sat next to me. We both got a little shy for a moment but I recovered quickly, I put my arms around him and kissed his lips, then pulled him down on top of me. I loved kissing Marshall, his touch was so soft, he made the cutest little noises and before I knew it, I was taking off his shirt. His chest was smooth with hard muscle under his soft skin, I caressed his pecs, then moved my hands over his abs and finally unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts. Marshall stopped then and sat up on his knees.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"I love you Marshall, I want to be with you, just let me guide you, ok?" I asked.
"You got it," he giggled, then he jumped up and kicked his shorts off.
That gave me time to take off my t-shirt and slip out of my gym shorts, when we were both in our underwear, he pounced on me and resumed our kissing. I rubbed up and down his back, then my hands found their way to his tight bottom. I cupped his buns and kneaded the firm globes, making Marshall giggle while we kissed. He rubbed my chest and tummy but when he seemed reluctant, I took his hand and moved it down to my package. It rested there for a moment, but when he saw that I was calm and relaxed, he started to grope me. I returned the favor and let out a soft moan as I touched another boy's dick for the first time.
Marshall hooked his fingers in the waistband of my briefs and started to pull down, I stopped him there.
"I'm sorry," he blushed.
"I want to but if we get naked, I won't be able to stop and I want us to take our time with some things," I explained.
"Ok, sounds good to me," he smiled.
I spread my legs and he climbed between them, our chests and stomachs pressed together, our dicks strained against the tight cotton of our undies. We resumed our kissing and I felt Marshall start to rock his hips against me, slowly dry humping me. It felt good, like nothing, I'd ever felt and I copied his motions. We kissed, our bodies ground against each other, we emitted squeaks and moans and then something amazing happened. I let out a squeal and a deep breath when my dick started to tremble and throb, making a mess of my shorts.
Our bodies were slick with sweat, my underwear were wet but then I noticed, so where Marshall's. We stopped kissing and panted for breath, then he looked at me, smiled and kissed me on the cheek.
"That was the first time it's ever happened to you huh?" asked Marshall.
"Yeah," I nodded.
"You've really never jerked off before?" he asked.
"I had some hang ups, still do I guess, I'm talking about it with my shrink and one day soon, I'll tell you all about it," I explained.
"You can tell me anything you want whenever you want, but I want you to know that I'm so happy I could be with you the first time," he smiled.
"Does it always feel this good?" I asked.
"Usually," he giggled, "but that's the first time I've ever had it happen with a guy and it was way better than usual."
"Good, because I love you Marshall, I want this to be the first of many firsts," I smiled back.
He hugged me tight and kissed me on the cheek.
"I love you too, I could stay like this all day," said Marshall.
"I wish we could but my mom thinks I'm jogging, if I don't get back soon, she might get upset," I explained.
"Can I come see you after school?" he asked.
"I can't wait," I grinned.
We dressed quickly and he walked me to the door, we kissed goodbye, then I headed for home.
"Boy looks like you got quite a work out," said mom, taking note of my sweaty t-shirt and damp hair, when I came into the kitchen.
I blushed profusely, knowing that I'd only run a few blocks, that all the sweat was from the exertions of my love. Mom reminded me that I had to get ready for my doctor's appointment so I headed up to the shower, I felt gross anyway. I loved everything that happened with Marshall and couldn't wait to experience it again, with one small change, next time, no undies. There is nothing more uncomfortable then walking around in wet briefs.
I met with Dr. Kitridge for two hours and when it was over, I felt good but exhausted. He explained that expressing your emotions could be more tiring then some sporting events and he was right, I felt like I'd run a marathon. I went straight to my room, when I came home and took a nap, I didn't wake up again until Marshall jumped on my bed and scared me nearly out of my skin. He thought this was incredibly funny.
We couldn't do much with my mom downstairs but that's ok, I don't want our relationship to be all about sex, though we did sneak in a few kisses. I was glad we'd shared ourselves that morning because unfortunately it was a short visit, he had a dentist appointment at four.
"Sorry I have to go, my mom will kill me if I miss my appointment," he apologized.
"Don't worry," I smiled, "we have all the time in the world to hang out now, I'm not going anywhere."
"I'm glad," said Marshall, then he kissed me on the cheek, bounded down the stairs and out of my house.
I stood there, grinning like an idiot, for a moment, then went to the kitchen for something to drink. Patrick was in his baseball uniform and dad was carrying his gym bag.
"Where you guys going?" I asked.
"Patrick has a game," said Dad, "mom will hang out here with you and we'll have a late dinner when we get back."
"Why don't we all just go to the game?" I asked.
"Really, you wanna come?" asked Patrick.
"Sure, it's alright if I go, right?" I asked, looking to dad.
"Why not," he smiled back.
"Awesome," Patrick smiled as I headed out the door with my family.
When we got to the field, Patrick ran off with his teammates and I sat between my parents in the bleachers. I was only wearing a short sleeve t-shirt, other than my "run" that morning, I hadn't exposed my wrists in public, everyone could see the bandages.
I could hear people whispering in the crowd and started to feel just a little self-conscious.
"Have you seen the Westergaard boy? Look at his wrists."
"Poor thing, he must miss his brother so much."
"His parents must be so upset."
I heard every word, none of it was said out of meanness, but when something like this happens in a closely knit community, there is bound to be talk. I folded my hands in my lap and tried to keep my wrists out of sight. Mom and dad heard it too, mom patted me on the knee and dad put his arm around my shoulder.
"Dad, I'm gonna be ok," I stated.
"I know son," said Dad, giving my shoulder a squeeze, "now watch the game."
Patrick was pitching, he saw me watching when he took the mound and took a moment to smile and wave his cap at me. I'm so glad I failed in my attempt to kill myself, I wouldn't have missed this moment for the world.