This story is a work of FICTION. The events described are my own invention. Any similarities to actual events or persons are strictly coincidental. The author retains the copyright, and any other rights, to this original story. You may not publish it or any part of it without my explicit authorization.
This story contains depictions of consensual sexual acts between teenage males. It is intended for mature audiences only. If you find this type of material offensive or if you are under the legal age to read said material; please proceed no further.
Comments are always welcome at: hailcaesar2011@hotmail.com
The Pease Within Chapter 11
I put my shorts back on and stormed across the hall to see what the hell was going on. Patton's door was ajar so I stuck my head in, the closet light was on and I caught Patrick rummaging through some boxes on the floor.
"What are you doing?" I demanded.
"Oh, Parker, geez you scared me," said Patrick, as he jumped to his feet.
"I said, what are doing?"
"I came to look for Patton's baseball glove," said Patrick.
"What do you want with that?" I asked.
"I was going to take it with me to..." he started.
"You were going to take it out of here?" I asked, my voice growing icy and cold.
"Yeah, I was going to use it for..."
I put my hands on Patrick's shoulders and dug my fingers into him, hard.
"Don't you ever take anything from this room, do you understand me?" I asked.
"Parker lemme go, that hurts," Patrick squirmed.
"I SAID, don't you ever take anything from this room, do you understand?" I repeated, this time shaking him.
"What do you care, I see you take stuff from here all the time," said Patrick.
It's true, I did take things, usually clothes. Patton and I obviously wore the same size, we always traded clothes. Since he died, I've come in here and taken shirts, mostly because they smell like him and I miss him. I didn't want to hear about it from Patrick, I started to lose it.
"That's none of your damn business," I shouted, "he was my twin brother not yours, you stay out of here, do you hear me, stay the fuck out."
I was shouting and shaking Patrick so hard he was starting to cry, I didn't care, I was enraged. Mom heard all the noise upstairs and she came in to find Patrick in my hands, the timber of my voice getting higher and higher and the vein in my neck throbbing.
"Just stay out, I don't want to catch you in here again..." I was shouting.
"Parker, what are you doing?" mom exclaimed.
"...stay out damn you," I yelled at Patrick.
"Parker, please let me go," Patrick pleaded, "you're hurting me."
"Parker let him go right now," said mom.
I wanted to let him go but I couldn't control myself, I was unhinged.
"Stay out just stay out!" I shouted.
"Parker..." said mom, trying to pull us apart.
I didn't even hear her voice, I didn't feel her pulling on me, I didn't feel anything until she slapped me across the face. That snapped me out of my rage, I released Patrick, he was pulling away from me so hard that when I let him go, he fell on his butt.
"Parker what the hell were you doing?" mom demanded.
"He, he was taking things from Patton's closet," I replied, the wind was totally gone from my sails, "you slapped me."
"I'm sorry honey but you were beside yourself, I had no choice," said mom.
"I hate you," Patrick swore, when he got up, he was crying and rubbing his arms where my fingers dug in, "I hate you and I wish Patton was here, I wish you were the one that was dead!"
"Patrick!" mom exclaimed.
"HATE YOU!" Patrick shouted over his shoulder, then he stormed out of the room.
"Parker he didn't mean that he was just..." mom started.
I didn't want her to apologize for him, Patrick was right, the wrong brother died. I was numb, I walked back to my room, locked the door and laid down on my bed. Mom tried to follow me, she knocked a few times but when I wouldn't open up, she went away.
For a long time I just laid there, not feeling anything at all, then I started to feel that everything I'd been doing was a sham. Fake it till you make it, what a crock, I wasn't making it, I wasn't any better then I was when I started. If guilt were bathwater, I'd be shriveled up like a prune by now, I was wallowing in guilt, it was all encompassing, ever present, I ate, drank and breathed it. Patrick's words only fanned the flames of what I already knew, everyone would be better off if I was the one who had been killed. Who would miss me if I was gone?
I knew these were dangerous thoughts so I tried to call Peter. He told me that if I ever needed him, that he'd be there for him, only he didn't answer the phone. I called again and again but all I got was Peter's voicemail, I wasn't sure where he was but I didn't bother leaving a message. Instead, I went back to my bed and laid on my back, staring at the celling. At some point I must have fallen asleep because I found myself in the library at Shelton High. I was there alone, the room wasn't all shot up and it appeared to be a bright and sunny spring day outside. I sat there until I heard a familiar voice.
"Hey kid, how are you?"
I couldn't believe my eyes, it was Patton.
"Patton, you're alive!" I exclaimed, as I threw my arms around him and squeezed.
"No, I'm still dead, see," said Patton, he lifted up his shirt and showed me the hole where his sternum had been, I also noticed his varsity jacket had my name on it, he'd been buried in my jacket.
"Oh," I sighed.
"You're pretty messed up, huh?" said Patton.
"It's all my fault," I sniffled, "if I'd just gone to school that morning or maybe if I'd been nicer to that fucking Derek Carter..."
"Yeah, you pretty much screwed me, but it wasn't the first time," said Patton.
"You're talking about Kevin?" I asked.
"Do you know what he did to me?" said Patton.
"I figured he did to you what he did to me, played with you a little and then rubbed himself on your butt," I sighed.
"He put it in my mouth, Parker," said Patton.
"I never knew," I stated.
"You should have told," said Patton.
"You told me not to, you begged me not to," I reminded him.
"Yeah, after it already happened to me, if you'd told after it happened to you, mom and dad would have kicked him out and I wouldn't have had to go through that," said Patton.
"I know, you're right, I don't know why I couldn't tell them," I whined.
"It's because you're the weak one, you always have been," Patton smiled.
"I-I'm not weak," I protested.
"Parker, come on, let's be honest here, you know it's true," said Patton, he was still smiling at me, "you let Kevin molest you and you were too weak to do anything about that, you are so weak that you let it fuck with your mind, shit you're 16 and you've never even had an orgasm."
"You were too weak to do anything with Kelsey when she threw herself at you, then you go queer on me and you couldn't go through with that either, you know you ruined things with Marshall, right?" asked Patton.
"I explained that it wasn't his fault, I told him that..." I argued.
"Big deal, he was all over you and you hurt his feelings, he's never going to trust you again," said Patton, "and you keep whining that you should have been the one who died and not me, if that's not weakness what is? You don't even have the courage to get through the day. Hell if our places were reversed you wouldn't have even died like a man, at least I stood up to that bastard, he'd have found you cowering under a desk and blown your brains out."
"Why are you telling me all this," I whimpered.
"Because I love you," said Patton.
"But..." I began.
"I love you kid, and I miss you, you're my soul mate," said Patton.
"Oh, you mean a weakling like me?" I replied.
"You are the weak one, but that's just your role to play, I'm the strong one, that's why we belong together," said Patton.
"I miss you so much," I cried.
"I know and I'm sorry you're suffering, it hurts me to watch it," said Patton, he hugged me and held me tight.
"Why did you tell me all that, it just made it hurt more," I explained.
"Because kid, you have to see it for yourself, you can't get by on your own, you're just too weak, too scared, you need me," said Patton, "and I need you."
"Well a lot of good that'll do us now, you're dead," I reminded him.
"I know, but you can still be with me," said Patton, "I've given it a lot of thought and you need to kill yourself."
"What?" I exclaimed.
"Life is just too hard for you without me, I can't come back from the dead but you can join me," said Patton, "it's meant to be, we belong together."
"I can't do that, it'll kill mom and dad, and what about Patrick and Whitney?" I asked.
"It'll hurt mom and dad for a while but they'll get over it, they still have Patrick and Whitney, they'll be strong for them," said Patton, "you never see Whitney, she won't care and you heard what Patrick said, he wouldn't mind if you were just gone."
"He didn't mean that, he was just upset, mom said..." I started.
"Mom was just trying to spare your feelings, you heard what he said, heard the venom in his voice, that was raw emotion, you just pushed him hard enough to make it come out," Patton reasoned.
"There's nothing holding you there, come with me Parker and we can be together," Patton smiled.
"Patton, I don't know..."
"Sure you do, you know it in your heart, this has always been how things were going to end up, just let go and we'll be together and you won't hurt anymore, I promise you," said Patton.
His image started to fade and the library with him. I woke up staring at my alarm clock, it was just after midnight. Everything he said was true, I was weak, I was a coward and I was in pain. He knew how much I needed him and he knew what I had to do for us to be together. I got up and walked down the hall to my parent's room, the door was unlocked and they didn't hear me come in. I watched over mom and dad for a minute, then I kissed each of them on the cheek, before turning back to the hall and going into Patrick's room.
My sweet little brother, he was always such a good boy, such a happy child. He never really bonded with me before but he was never mean or cruel to me, I loved him. I hated myself for what I'd done to him that evening, scaring him like that, hurting his arms like that, he's just a baby. I hated myself for everything I did to him, Patton was his idol and because of me, he was gone. I knew Patrick wouldn't miss me, Patton was right, right about everything. I kissed my baby brother on the forehead, then went across the hall to the bathroom.
It took me a minute to find what I was looking for, but when I did, I extracted a straight razor from the drawer. The razor had been in that drawer for as long as I can remember but it still looked sharp, there wasn't any rust, the blade gleamed in the light. I was weak, I knew it, if I didn't do this now, I'd talk myself out of it, so I just did it. I slashed at my wrists, first the left, then the right, horizontally, just above my hands. Blood spurted forth and I dropped the razor in the sink as the red liquid pooled on the countertop.
Blood was everywhere and as I watched it drip from the counter into the sink and swirl down the drain, I knew I'd made a terrible mistake. Patton loved me, I know that for a fact, he would never call me weak, he would never talk me into hurting myself. It seemed like Patton looked after me from the moment we were born, he was ever present in my life, always there supporting and protecting me, Patton would be ashamed if he could see me now. I started to panic, there was blood everywhere and I could see the color draining from my face, I needed dad.
I tried opening the door but I'd locked it and now my hands were too slick to turn the lock or the knob.
"DAD! DAD!" I shouted, and pounded on the door, "DAD!"
It was quiet in the house and my dad's a light sleeper, I heard his door open and his footfalls coming down the hall. He tried to open the door but it was still locked and he couldn't get in.
"Parker, open the door," dad ordered.
"I can't dad, my hands are too slick, I can't open the lock," I exclaimed.
"Parker, calm down and turn the lock," he replied, his voice even and steady, he was a rock.
"I can't dad, there's too much blood!"
"Stand back!" he shouted, then I heard him butting the door with his shoulder.
After a few tries, the door jamb broke and dad came tumbling in, by this time mom and Patrick were in the hall, mom had him in her arms, holding him back out of the way. They all looked horrified when they saw the blood everywhere and that it was pouring form my wrists.
"Oh God, oh God!" Mom screamed.
Patrick slammed his eyes shut and turned towards mom so he wouldn't have to see it.
"Andrea, Andrea!" dad shouted, he had to get her attention.
"What, what!" mom replied.
"9-1-1, call them right now, go," dad ordered, he was the only calm one.
"Parker what have you done?" said mom.
"Andrea, now, there's no time," said dad, that got her moving.
"Dad, help, help!" I whimpered.
Dad grabbed my wrists and dragged me over to the sink, then turned on the faucet.
"Keep cold water on your hands, it'll slow the blood flow," said dad, then he turned to Patrick, "run down to the study and grab my medical bag, then bring it right back here, ok?"
Patrick nodded his head and ran off like a flash.
"Jesus Parker, what were you thinking?" asked dad.
"I wasn't thinking, Patton said that...I wasn't thinking," I repeated.
I could hear sirens in the distance as mom came back, she was talking to the 911 dispatcher and looking at me with pain and sorrow in her eyes. Patrick came back with dad's bag and he wrapped my wrists in gauze, it was so tight it hurt but he had to keep pressure on the wounds. He also kept my wrists under the cold water, it drenched the gauze but the cold slowed the flow of blood that was pumping out of my body. I heard someone pounding on the door downstairs and mom ran down to open it, dad brought me down behind her, there was no sense in the medics coming upstairs, I had to go with them.
I lost consciousness in the ambulance, I'd just lost to much blood. Fortunately dad went with me, while mom and Patrick followed in the car, they did an emergency transfusion when we got to the hospital. I slept while they sewed my wrists up, thank God the damage wasn't too extensive. I was content to sleep through it, it was the first dreamless sleep I've had in weeks.