Chapter 21
It was another great afternoon for February. The afternoon sun was beginning to rise higher in the sky which meant daylight was finally beginning to creep into the evening hours – and that meant Phil and I could spend some time at the park after school. Dillon was busy with something and Eddie was at work. It was just the two of us. Just like the good old times before I had boyfriend issues and Phil had girlfriend problems.
"So," I began, "you and Bethany still seeing each other?" I hadn't really kept track of Phil's love life other than when he brought up the subject.
"Dillon's relentless," Phil pined. "I'm just wish he'd cool it for a while so I could get back to being my normal self. I mean, I like her as a person; it's just that I don't really know what to do when we go out. I feel so weird. It's like I can never think of anything to say until she says something, then I'm like trying to say something intelligent to make her think I'm in love or something."
"Keep trying, dude, maybe it'll come with practice," I told him hoping he would think God was using me to tell him something like he did that one time.
"I just don't get it. I'm still planning on trying out for the baseball team, but I don't even really like baseball. I'm just doing because my pastor said I should do some `guy' things."
I wasn't sure what was going on when Phil suddenly pulled me over to a bench and pulled me down next to him. Whatever he was about to tell me must really be important though, because he was definitely nervous.
"You think I should tell Bethany I decided not to date until I'm older?" he asked. His nervous glances behind me made me suspect she was nearby. Just as I was about to turn around, and look to see what caught his attention, he raised his voice slightly and asked if I wanted to go back to his place and play on his X-box.
"We just got here," I protested. "We've been cooped up inside all winter, and the first nice day you want to hide away indoors?"
I started to turn again, noticing he kept looking past my shoulder to something in the distance.
"Let's head over to the ramps," he almost shouted, again diverting my attention.
Phil tossed his deck on the pavement and shot off, calling "race you there."
When I finally turned to look at what was making him so nervous, I almost wished I hadn't. My blood rose to an instant boil and I threw my deck down and headed in the opposite direction Phil had gone. Just as I got near to him, I saw Eddie, who was supposed to be at work, put his arm around Brian Lomax's neck and kiddingly tap him in the jaw with his fist. They were laughing, and heading into the public restroom. I was stunned. How could he lie to me like that? Why would he? ...and why was he hanging with Mr. Chiseled Chest? I don't know what I would have done if Phil hadn't shown up at that moment.
"They're probably just going to the bathroom," Phil offered, hoping, I suppose, that I was totally naïve.
"Du...uh!" I snapped at Phil's profundity. "He's supposed to be at work."
Phil's wrapping his arm around my shoulder and tugging me in the opposite direction was little comfort. Neither was the blasted prayer he was mumbling as I shook free from his grasp.
"Look, it's not worth getting all worried about. He was probably here looking for you when Brian showed up. Maybe Brian's got a thing for Eddie, or something."
"Brian and his `chiseled pecs," I sarcastically spat. "Eddie watches him like a hawk."
After I got Phil to admit that they probably weren't just watering the flowers in there, he managed to convince me that it maybe wouldn't be smart to surprise them. "...if they're even doing anything at all," he added. We found a bench nearby and sat down; me to sulk, and him to figure out how to keep me from either self-destructing, or else killing someone.
Finally Eddie and Brian exited the small block building; Eddie smiling as broad as day, and Brian looking guilty as ten year old cookie thief. Eddie must have noticed us, because he quickly grabbed Brian's shoulder, and steered him to a path that went in the opposite direction. Phil picked up my skateboard and followed me as I sullenly walked away. I hadn't felt this bad since the day I watched Daryl crumple to the floor and die.
Wednesday, Eddie showed up in homeroom just before the first period tone sounded, interrupting my ranting to Phil. People around us had to be wondering what was up with me and Eddie, because it seemed like one of us was always mad at the other about something. Before I even said a word to him, he was spluttering and making like he didn't know Phil and I had seen him at the park.
"Guys, you won't believe what happened yesterday," Eddie gushed with a hushed voice. "They like didn't need me at work, so I went to the park to see if you guys were there. But like before I could find you, you won't believe who foun' me." Eddie looked around, to see if anyone was eavesdropping, before continuing, "... and who wanted to know how someone could tell if they were gay. You gotta promise not to tell anyone." He checked our eyes to see if we were in, but before he could get another word out, I let him have it with both barrels.
"Let me guess," I spit venomously, "How bout Brian the Freak' Lomax. And I'll bet you did more than just talk to him about it in the bathroom, too."
Eddie's jaw clenched, and his eyes narrowed, when he realized what I was inferring they had been doing in there. "You don't know anything. You're just jealous because he didn't hit on you first."
"Jealous?" The words, blurted out of my mouth before I could even think. I just simply could not believe that anyone could be so oblivious to the point of being someone's partner.
I guess Eddie must have recalled some of our previous conversations about the subject, because the next thing out of his mouth was a very subdued "Be reasonable, Alex. He practically begged me."
"Be reasonable?" I parroted, again totally incredulous to Eddie's lack of understanding.
Eddie's jaw went slack at my accusation. I could see in his eyes that he was either truly confused. ...Either that; or a very good actor.
"Guys, time out" Phil interrupted, making a tee signal with his hands. I think I see what might be happening. I need to see if Dillon can help out, first, but meet me after school. I have an idea on how you guys can work this out. I'll let you know."
Just because a person sees an issue plainly and wants to help doesn't necessarily mean that they can get two people to agree on a solution, but Phil was obviously going to try. He had found Dillon between second and third periods and convinced him that we needed his help. I overheard part of the conversation.
"Look," he was telling him, "You know how Alex and Eddie don't seem to be getting along, lately? Well, Eddie was talking to me yesterday about how frustrated he gets with Alex sometimes, and this morning Alex was going on and on about Eddie. I think I know why they're getting under each other's skin so much. It's like they're on two different pages of the same book."
"Du-uh," Dillon answered. "Like it's totally the wrong book, too."
"I know you don't agree with that stuff, but look," he pled, "they'd help you out if they thought you and Susan were having trouble. Just meet me on the football field after school, okay?"
"Why don't you just let them get mad at each other? Then maybe they'll break up."
"Because, they're our friends, and they deserve to have us try to help them to be happy, that's why."
Dillon reluctantly agreed. I know he wasn't too keen on helping to hash out the details of two gay boy's love life, but he could tell this was important to Phil.
The last bell of the day rang and together we all headed for the athletic field for some privacy.
"Man, it's freakin' cold out here, hurry up and say what you need to, so I can get out of the wind" Dillon complained while Phil tried to explain the `ground rules.' "Okay, you guys hear the other one out completely before you say a word, got it?"
Eddie and I both nodded warily, not knowing what Phil had in mind.
"Okay, Alex, what's monogamous mean?"
"What? Like who doesn't know that?" Phil waited for me to actually say what I thought it was. I looked at the ground, not sure how to say it without actually admitting to anything. "If two people are together, and... and like doing certain stuff in private... Which I'm not saying we are," he added emphatically, "then you can't do it with anyone else.
"Exactly," Eddie agreed.
"Unlike someone I know," I spat venomously.
"I tol' you I wouldn't do that again. Give me a break. That was before I knew you had a problem with it."
"Oh, like you didn't do anything in the bathroom with Piston Pecks."
"You weren't there so I didn't break any of your stupid rules. Monoganism only means you can't do it with two guys at the same ti...
"Stop!" Dillon screeched at the top of his lungs; his ears plugged with his fingers. "I so do not want to hear about what you guys do." Only after he was sure Eddie had stopped talking did he let his hands fall to his side once more.
I turned away from Eddie and crossed my arms in front of my chest, having no clue where Phil was hoping to go with the conversation.
Phil was red as a pickled beet, but seemed determined to prove something, so he asked the next question. Given our previous discussions about the subject I was totally shocked when he asked for our definitions of sex. "Alex, you go first."
I was surprised at how different Eddie and my definitions were. Mine included just about all touching below the neck with the exception of hands. His included one thing; and one thing only, unless you counted variations on a theme. I certainly didn't agree with him, but at least now I knew why he seemed confused when I got bent out of shape about some of the things he did.
I was glad Dillon interjected a startled "That's whacked, man," at Eddie so I didn't have to defend myself.
Phil's next question was even harder to answer; "Alex, what's the meaning of love?"
"I don't know. It's a feeling you have when you like someone a lot, I guess."
"A-A-A-T!" We all looked at Dillon who had just made a sound like on a game show when someone gives the wrong answer. "Dude, Phil's not asking you about chocolate chip cookies, he's trying to ask you what does a person do for someone when they love them. Like Susan's into shopping at the mall. I can't stand wasting time looking at things you know you're not even going to buy. I'm not trying to make myself out to be a saint or somethin', but I've taken her to three different malls since we started going out – because she likes to do it."
I thought a while and then reluctantly turned back toward the circle. "Then it's when you do things for someone because you know they like it. ...even if it's hard for you to do it," I added for Eddie's benefit.
"Eddie?" Phil asked, indicating it was his turn to weigh in on the subject.
"I agree. It is when you do something for someone because it's what they want. But it's also doing stuff that the other person needs, even if you don't. Like I had an auntie who got cancer and her man took care of her for like two whole years until she died. He had nothing left when she was gone, but he said he wouldn't trade those last years with her for all the diamonds in Africa. That's love in my book."
"So that proves that even if you agreed to be my boyfriend, you don't actually love me, because if you followed your definition of love, you wouldn't have been hooking up with Mr. Macho Man. You know I can't hack you doing that." I was angry, and my intractable voice had drawn the attention of a few stragglers in the athletic field parking lot.
"Well if you loved me, you wouldn't try to tie me down with a bunch of rules from the Dark Ages," Eddie shouted back, keeping pace with my volcanic eruption.
"Guys, wait!" Phil hollered above the fray. Then Dillon took over again.
"Look, you both pretty much agree on everything except what sex is. The way I see it, Alex, is that Eddie doesn't feel like he's cheating on you because he doesn't consider what he does as sex." Then turning directly towards Eddie, he lowered the shotgun and pulled both triggers. "Dude, if you can get an STD from doin' something, then it's definitely sex. Hello-o! That's like what the "S" stands for in STD. Now can we get out of this frickin' wind... I'm freezin' my buns off."
Dillon had made it so simple. Phil was smiling and slapped him on the back while Eddie walked up behind me and wrapped me in his arms.
"That's freakin' gross," Dillon protested. "Must you guys do that while I'm standing here? I swear I don't know how I got suckered into hanging out with this crowd."
Phil gave him a playful fist to the shoulder. Dillon responded by taking him down to the ground and started tickling him under his arms.
Everything went fine for a few weeks. I got Eddie a gold chain bracelet instead of handcuffs for Valentine's Day. Eddie surprised me by taking me to his parent's cabin at Lake Wallenpaupack in the Pocono Mountains to go skiing. When I asked, he assured me that Alberto hated cold weather, and that Brian Lomax wouldn't even look at him anymore since they met at the park. I was relieved. ...I shouldn't have been.