Chapter 18
I nearly wet myself when I saw Eddie pull into our driveway in his dad's brand new Audi TT at two o'clock Friday afternoon. I stayed upstairs as he made his way to the front door. I wanted him to see firsthand what I told him about my mom.
The fact that my boyfriend had a huge grin on his face when he got to my bedroom was all I needed to see to know I was right.
"Seriously," Eddie chuckled. "She must have the same tas'e in men as you."
"I told you she has the hots for you. She acts all disgusted and everything when you're around, but she like can't take her eyes off you. All my life, she's wanted me to be a girl. Then she gets mad at me because I have a boyfriend. And then, she looks like she's glad I've got a boyfriend so she can flirt with him – go figure."
I made a mental note to myself to add reason number 52 to my "why I hate mom list." She's a total hypocrite.
Mom was safely back in the TV room, so I grabbed my backpack and placed the note I had written, on the table where she would find it after we were gone.
Mom
Eddie and I are going to a danceclub in NJ tonight and are going to catch a motel on account of it not being legal for him to drive after midnight. Dad said it was okay.
Your Y-chromosome challenged son,
Alex
PS: Don't worry about me getting pregnant like you did. We got a room with two beds.
Eddie laughed when I told him about the two beds and not getting pregnant.
"I can see why mom my watches you," I crooned once we were driving. "You're totally sweet to look at." I reached with my left hand and slid my fingers between the fingers of his right hand. Eddie sighed and slouched back in the driver's seat.
"How come you're so chiseled when you don't even work out at a gym?"
"It's in the gene, cachas. I was born with a hot body."
He truly was primo – six feet tall without shoes, and one-hundred sixty-five pounds of muscle – tall, dark, and lean, with straight black hair that was neatly trimmed short. His skin, a dark caramel brown, his nose straight and on the longish side, and his eyes, small and set deep above his high cheekbones. His thin dark lips naturally curved upward, and he had long graceful neck that held his head high and proud. I leaned over and gave him a kiss.
I felt his fingers running through the curls hanging from the back of my head, and knew he was smiling.
"I never thought that I would ever find anyone to make me forget about Alberto so easily."
The car swerved sharply to the right, as Eddie cursed at someone and sat bolt upright in his seat.
"Alex, we got to stop, man, I almost hit that guy."
I knew that Eduardo had had a boyfriend before he left Media to move to Quaker Hills, but it kind of made me uneasy hearing his name. I sure hope he won't be able to forget me that easily some day. As quickly as it came into my mind, I forced the thought out again. It's just the two of us now.
It took an hour and a half to get to Trenton and we went straight to the hotel to check in. We barely got the door to our room shut before we had dropped our backpacks on the floor.
"Catch me," I belted out, as I jumped into Eddie's arms and wrapped my legs around his waist. Good thing the room was rather small, because he just managed to stumble to the bed, and fall on it.
He let go of me and fished around in his front pocket until he found and pulled out a small glass bottle that looked like it was stuffed with cotton. I watched to see what he would do with it. Opening the lid, he raised it to his nose, took a sniff, then held the bottle up to my nose and told me to take a deep breath. Expecting it to be some kind of fragrance or something, I closed my eyes and inhaled.
"Gross! It smells like your socks." I howled, thinking it was a joke. But then I started feeling lightheaded and my skin started to tingle.
"You feelin' it?"
I couldn't answer right away. Whatever it was in that bottle had sent me into orbit. Eddie's touch made me feel like there were a million feathers tickling my body.
"Wow!" I said, almost out of breath.
"Here, take a deeper hit this time." Eddie held the bottle up to my nose again. His words had sounded to me, like they were coming from another room.
I had no idea what was in that bottle, but whatever it was, it made me not want to let go of Eddie. All the inhibitions I had had melted away with the vapors of that bottle and for the first time I allowed Eddied to take from me what I had always resisted giving him. Our time together was so intense that it seemed like we were in a different world; one where time stood still and rushed by all in the same instant. The touch of his skin on mine seemed almost magical. This must be love, I thought to myself.
"What was that?" I asked as the vapor's effect wore off.
Eddie flashed a big smile at me. "It's called poppers. It helps your whole body to relax. I knew you'd like it."
"I did like it. In fact, I like you. You make me relax," I told him as he was heading for the shower.
"Hombre, we'd better shower and grab something to eat before The Nix opens their doors."
"You look like you're tryin' to make everyone jealous of me," Eddie cooed as he watched me struggle to pull on the same 501 Levis that I had worn on my first date with Casey. I pulled on a skintight black tee, and a dark green zip front hoodie, then stood back for Eddie to admire. He smiled at me as he and tugged the hoodie zip back to the bottom without separating it.
"Sweet!" he declared.
"I don't know who they'll be more jealous of'" I slyly told him, inspecting the gold colored Lycra pants he had pulled on. I was kind of surprised how they hugged his body so tightly that they left nothing to the imagination.
"It's too bad that all the girls on the dance floor are gonna have the hots for two queer boys," I told him.
Eddie just smiled.
We walked across the street to a local burger joint, grabbed something to eat, and then headed to The Nix.
"Look what I brought," Eddie said as we reached the curb in front of the club, and he showed me a soft plastic flask that he had stashed in his inside jacket pocket. "Who says The Nix is alcohol free on teen night. ...they just don't do the serving."
"Is this a gay club?" I blurted out, noticing that all the couples waiting in the line outside the club seemed to be same-sex.
"I wan-ned you to be a surprised. Are you?"
"Kind of," I told him nervously. Besides the party Casey had taken me to, I had never been with a group of just gay people. "You think they'll hit on us?"
"Relax, cachas. Jus' play with them a little bit if they do. Then tell them they're dreaming if they think someone hot as you would be interested in someone like them."
We stood in line, and shivered in the near-freezing temperatures for about twenty minutes before finally reaching the entrance to the nightclub.
"Evening, Sweethearts. Either of you guys carrying any drugs or alcohol?" the guy at the door asked, as he quickly patted us down.
"No sir," we answered in unison. He locked eyes with me briefly as we paid the cover charge, like he wanted me to know that he could tell we were lying. Without saying anything more, he turned to the next couple in line, and began asking them the same questions.
"This is pretty awesome," I told Eddie after we got inside. "After all the bad stuff that happened to me this year, I was beginning to think that I'd never have anything good happen to me."
I was so happy at the moment I actually started daydreaming about what it would be like to be gay. I mean not just the having a boyfriend' kind of gay, more like the having a partner to spend the rest of my life with' kind of gay. Someone who would make me feel all the time like I do right now – like I'm normal and everyone else is messed up. ...Someone like Eddie. He was always doing things for me to make sure I didn't stop liking him; always buying things to share with me.
Thinking he must be feeling the same, I leaned over to kiss him. Unfortunately for me, he had his mind on other things. Wheeling around, he headed straight to the bar and ordered two Cherry Cokes. I wondered why he took a big swig out of each cup and then handed them both to me. Until, that is, he looked around, took the flask out of his jacket, and filled them back to the top. Awesome!
"To the greatest guy on the planet" I said, holding my plastic cup of "cola" for a toast. "Ditto that" Eddie said, and we each took a gulp.
"Wow, what'd you put in here" I spluttered.
"I foun' my dad's 151," he said with a wide grin. "Chug a lug. Ready. Go"
Eddie drained his cup first. I ended up with a wet spot at the neck of my shirt.
"Alex, you look like you need more practice doing that," he joked as he turned and headed back for a refill. After the third one, I was really feeling it, and the room started to spin a little – well, a lot. We still hadn't found a table so I hung onto Eddie for stability, and gave him a kiss every time he looked up at me – which was like every five seconds.
He was laughing – I had no clue about what – all I knew is that he had his strong arms around me, and with all the alcohol coursing through my blood, I almost mustered enough courage to tell him that I wanted to marry him. All I managed to say, though, was "Thiz is zo cool."
Eddie must have been a little unstable too, because we kept bumping into other people and having to apologize to them. "I did it for you, Alex, because you're so cool. I want us to feel fine tonight – no wore-ries man."
I leaned in to kiss him and missed his lips but managed to catch his cheek. He responded by briefly sticking his tongue in my ear, and then by latching onto the skin of my neck with his lips to show everyone who later saw the mark that I was owned.
"Come on, sunshine, let's dance a little," Eddie whispered before his lips reattached themselves to my neck, and we eased onto the dance floor. He draped my hands around his neck, and then put his arms firmly around me at chest level again to help us both to stay upright while we slow danced.
When the next song started, he stopped sucking my neck, and we began grinding on the dance floor.
Finding an open table, we sat down to rest. The room was still spinning, so I just sat and took in the sights. "Look at that guy, with the blond wig," I chuckled, pointing across the club to what looked like a six foot something hulk of a man dressed in drag.
"V-e-r-y sexy," he responded.
"You think guys in drag are sexy?"
"It'd be like opening a Christmas present; all nice on the outside, and awesome on the inside. I definitely think it would be a lot of fun making out with a queen sometime."
Thinking of how I hated when mom used to dress me up in girl's clothing when I was younger, I felt a wave of panic wash over me. "You... you'd never want me to dress like that would you?"
"I wouldn't complain, hombre. You'd actually make a cute little queen – you wouldn't even need a wig," he told me, as he reached across the table and combed his fingers through my locks."
Sensing my panic, he quickly added; "It's optional, man. It's not like I'd make you do it. ...but if you wanted to..."
"I don't," I abruptly told him, hoping that he really meant what he said about it being optional.
Looking around the room, I noticed some other hot looking guys – who looked like guys. I also noticed that Eduardo was noticing more than a just few. He was inspecting everyone, including some who in my book were total flamers – pink, blue, green, hair; sequin jackets, even mini-skirts and stilettos. I wondered to myself, why, if he thought I'd make everyone jealous of him, was he looking at all the other guys on the dance floor instead of looking at me?
Eddie went to the bar and got us another Coke
"That's all I got left," he said as he emptied the remaining few splashes of his flask into the cups. As we sat there, I noticed his eyes kept locking on one guy in particular – a Latino guy. He wasn't even subtle about it when he locked eyes with the guy he had been watching, and stood up.
"Hey, man, I gotta hit the men's room," he said and left me sitting there. I sat staring at the door that he and the mystery guy had ducked through. I don't know if what I was feeling a short time ago was love, but I knew for certain what I was feeling right now was jealousy. ...That, and rage. The longer he was in there, the angrier I became. How could he be doing this to me?
I nearly exploded when they reappeared at the doorway and parted with a sensuous kiss. Thoughts of the night Casey had dumped me, crashed through my alcohol haze. I was not going down without a fight this time.
"Ése, what's up? Someone try to hit on you while I was gone? You look kin' of nervous."
"What were you doing in there with that guy?" I spat at him like a cornered alley cat.
"We weren't doin' nothin'," he nervously answered.
I looked away, tears of anger welling up in my eyes.
"Dude," Eddie defensively asked "What is your problem? It's jus' Alberto. I haven't seen him in like forever. All we did was talk."
"Alex," I heard him shout as I shot for the exit door.
It was after midnight when I heard someone fumbling at the hotel room door. I pulled the covers around me and rolled to my side, facing the wall.
"That him?" a strange voice asked. I pulled the covers over my head and felt the bed dip as someone stretched out beside me.
"Ése," Eddie cooed in my ear.
"Go away," I pined.
"I didn't know where you went, man. You scared me."
"Yeah, well I was right here."
"I knew I didn't have to worry about you, man. You're smart as anyone I know. I knew you could take care of yourself. Did you get sick or something?"
I couldn't believe he could be so clueless about what had happened. I felt his lips on my neck and began to melt.
"I brought you something to make you feel better, Alex. Jus' swallow this."
"What is it," I asked as he handed me a little tablet of something.
"It'll make you feel better." He guided my hand and the pill toward my lips. I hesitated, wondering if I really could trust him, but figured I needed something to help me sleep.
He held me in his arms for probably half an hour before the world started to rush by. Whatever it was that was now coursing through my bloodstream, was indeed taking away my troubles. I was in love again – and not just with Eddie. When I realized that Alberto had joined us on the bed, I loved him too. I was so happy at the moment, I think if my mom were to walk into the room I would have thrown my arms around her and given her a big hug and a kiss too.
It must have been after checkout time when we awoke – or rather were woken by a loud knock and the sound of the door being opened.
"Maid service" a voice called as an older woman clumsily let herself into our room. Then, seeing us in a tangled heap on the bed, gasped "Sweet Jesus, I am so-o sorry," and made an equally clumsy retreat, slamming the door closed behind her.
"What time is it Alex?"
"Huh? I can't focus my eyes enough to see the clock numbers."
Alberto was finally able to gain enough focus to tell us that the clock had all ones and twos on it. I jumped when I heard his voice, remembering why he was here. The effects of the magic pill having worn off, I was no longer in love.
"Guys, it's like after twelve o'clock," I said in a panic. "I told my dad I'd be home by lunch time."
..."You are my boyfriend," Eddie tried to explain to me again. He must have told me that like five or six times already, each time sounding a little more desperate. "Why can't you jus' be happy for me that I got to see my ex, and spend a little time with him? Wouldn't you want me to say hi to you if I had to move away from here, and then I saw you somewhere? Just because I was glad to see Alberto doesn't mean you an' me aren't together, Alex."
He did have a point, but that didn't really change my way of thinking. In fact, just hearing that name again seemed to drive me deeper into my depression. As high and filled with feelings of love as I had been only a few hours ago, I was now seeing the other side of that little pill, and it was all I could do to keep from making an idiot of myself by sobbing. I had looked forward to our night out; a chance to be alone together. ...To have fun – just the two of us. I knew – or at least strongly suspected that both my parents had had extra-marital affairs, but it always disgusted me knowing that they weren't being faithful to the commitment they had made to each other when they married. Now I was disgusted at myself for being no better.
"Why'd you it, Eddie? Why couldn't it just be us?" I finally asked, breaking my hour long silence.
"Do what?" he asked me like he had already forgotten what was on my mind.
"I thought it would just be us. I don't think it's right having... You know, sharing each other."
"We weren't sharing," he shot back defensively. "It is just us. He didn't have a place to crash so I was just being nice to him. It's not like I'm in love with him or something. It's just that he's my friend."
An unexpected tear rolled down my cheek and Eddie quickly pulled to the side of the road.
"Alex, ése, it's okay to let loose and party once in a while. We don't have to do everything with only each other all the time."
"I guess so... It's... It's just that I guess I got jealous of you when I saw you kissing Alberto at the club, and then when he came to our room I felt like he was gonna take you away from me. I don't want to share you with anyone, Eddie. I only want it to be the two of us. I... I..." another warm tear rolled down my cheek and dropped onto my lap. "...I just don't want to share you with anyone else."
I guess seeing me crash so hard must have concerned Eddie. He reached over to me and for some reason I thought he was going to slam my head against the window for being jealous, so I ducked away from his hand. He paused a moment when he saw my reaction.
"Whoa, Alex, man, it'll be okay, I promise." Then he slowly took me into his arms and pulled me tight. "It's just the aftereffects of the Ecstasy that's makin' you feel that way.
"Alex, we got each other, man – you and me. You're the best friend I got in the whole world. I jus' thought we could have even more fun together last night by having Alberto with us. He doesn't mean anything to me, Alex – not anymore."
"That wasn't fun for me. I guess if we're together, then I don't want us to be just best friends. I only want the two of us to be together."
It surprised me when I felt the grip of his hand loosen, and his eyes shift to the left, when I said that.
"You mean like we're married? I'm not ready to get married, man. I wan' to live a little first, you know?"
I waited, not knowing what else to say.
"I guess if it's that important to you, Alex. I mean I don't even know any other guys here so it shouldn't be too hard."
Eduardo was quiet, almost sullen as he pulled the car back onto the road and I wondered if I was being stupid for saying what I had said. I wasn't even sure it was me saying it or if it was the aftereffects of the drugs.
Eddie had a kind of faraway look in his eyes as he reached over and rubbed my thigh. I wondered what he was thinking.
"It's jus' you an' me, Alex – from here on, it's jus' gonna be you an' me."
In another forty-five minutes, Eddie was stopped in the driveway of my house, and had popped the deck lid of the Audi so I could get my backpack. My dad was out front wrapping burlap around the azaleas when Eduardo and I kissed good-bye. It wasn't a long kiss, but it wasn't exactly a peck on the cheek either.
"Mus' you two queers do that where all the neighborz can see you? Don't you have an ounce of respec' for us at all?" Then I heard him say under his breath "damn queers. What's this world coming to?"
He looked at me as I walked past him, and opened his mouth again. "Why'r you crying? Your mother must be right; you should have been a girl when you were born" and then he turned away in disgust.
I was so stunned, I couldn't move or speak. Eduardo saw the exchange and must have heard the whole thing too, because he got out of the car, and ran to my side. Putting his arm around my shoulder, he pulled me away from my dad. I don't know if he thought I would get into it with him, or if he was worried that in my depressed condition, I would completely fall apart, but I was glad he was there for me. After leading me to my bedroom, we both climbed into bed. The effect of the drug finally wearing off, we spooned together, Eddie with his arm draped across my chest, and fell asleep.
"You two fag-hic-gots ever goin' to wake up? It's freakin' eight o'clock at night, and I don't want any... any queer stuff going on in this houze."
"You've been drinking?"
"You better believe I been drinking. The whole frickin' day too, if you mus' know. It was bad enough that you two fairies go on a honeymoon together, but why in god's name did you have to leave that note on the table for your mother to find? I told you I'd take care of things didn't I? I guess my word wasn't good enough for you, so you had to go and rub salt in a wound jus' to make your mother squirm. Well, you certainly got your wish. She went ballistic when she found yer note. She wouldn't rest until I told her the name of the place where you went. Then she got on the innernet and found out it was a freakin' queer bar. You din't tell me that, Alex! We had a big fight, and this morning she packed her things and took off in her car. She said she's gonna stay with her mother until I come to my `goddamn senses.'
"She's so afraid that you're going to get AIDS and die, Alex. I couldn't reason with her. I tol' her that you use pertecsion, but she still screamed at me and reminded me that we were using pertecsion when she got pregnant with Daryl. She already lost him, Alex. She couldn't handle losing you, too. You gotta stop this nonsense. Find a girl to do that stuff with.
"Alex, you hafta be more considerate of your mother an me. I know what it's like to be young, and think you know everything... it's jus' that you've gotta be more d`screet about things."
Eddie called home and told his mom that he would be staying at my house for the night since my dad was so depressed – that, and the fact that we were still pretty wasted from last night.